The Truth About Girls (Vol. 2)

by TheMareWhoSaysNi


Rainbow's Blues (part 3)

The hand shaking her shoulder was gentle and caring. Thanks to this, Rainbow Dash knew she wasn’t home, and that the person trying to wake her up calling her name in a whisper wasn’t her father.

Then, she remembered. The rain. Her arriving at Soarin’s. She’d finally told him the truth and… They’d fallen asleep into each other’s arms, naked like new born children. The touch of his skin, soft and firm, was like resting on a bed of velvet. This night had been one of the most pleasant she had spent since ages, and although she’d waken up a few times, in no way going back to sleep had risen any anguishes from her.

She opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Soarin’s face in front of her. He was wearing his sports clothes and his phone and a bottle of water were on his laps.

“I’m going to run a bit”, he said in a low voice, as if they were spied on. “There’s a breakfast for you on the table. You can have a shower, anything you want.”

“Alright? Do you want me to go and run with you? It won’t hurt me.”

“Rest again. You need it”, Soarin answered, stroking her face.

Since he was insisting, why should she struggle? Rainbow Dash let her head fall back on the pillow, and heard him crossing the small apartment to get to the door, and leave.

Suddenly, the silence and empty space beside her seemed to be a little less mellow and soothing. What made this place so warm was his own presence.

Her hair messy, she sat back up and stroke the space beside her. It seemed she still could distinguish the outlines of his body. If it hadn’t been so cliché and sappy, she would willingly had rolled over the bed while inhaling his perfume against the sheets.

Instead, she got up, and tried to unearth the pajamas Soarin had given her on the previous night, along with her panties and bras that might be somewhere. She was lucky the studio had no building opposite or the neighbors would have had a chance to play peeping Toms.

The breakfast cooked by her boyfriend looked tasty. Tomato-flavored omelet, green tea, muesli, low-sugar brioche and even her infamous detox made from hot water, lemon juice and Cayenne Pepper… He had forgotten nothing of what she liked best, or what she needed to start the day in the finest mood. Almost as if he had foreseen it. After all, it had been a few weeks since she’d arrived here with a toothbrush that she put inside his bathroom glass “just in case”. Maybe he knew this day would eventually come, since on the night before, he had admitted he always knew they would one day be what they were now for each other.

Whatever it was, this attention was adorable. She couldn’t even cook ready-made pancakes without burning them… Cooking wasn’t her field of expertise at all. Neither was cleaning up things. In short, if one day they’d come to settle down together, her duty would be massages – and selecting good movies to watch. Those were tasks which fit her perfectly.

Rainbow Dash ate her breakfast with appetite, while wondering how she could do him a favor to thank him. Sure, Soarin hadn’t done all this in hope of getting something in return, but he was so kind and benevolent she thought he deserved a little reward.

Nothing came to her mind… So, she decided to wait until he got home and see.

After a quick shower, she changed to wear her expensive black dress, but without her ruined stockings and wondering how she would be walking with broken heel. After a couple of seconds of reflection, she decided to break the second heel. This way, she had a pair of flat shoes which had costed her the trifle of one hundred and fifty dollars. And yet, it wasn’t that expensive for luxury shoes…

Unsurprisingly, when she started to examine the shelves, after she’d made the bed the best she could, there Rainbow Dash found basketball video games, class books and a few novels. DVDs of his collection had nothing of a surprise as well. For a few seconds she was tempted to search in his laptop computer, in order to see whether he was hiding compromising files, but she changed her mind, since it was a private life intrusion she wouldn’t have enjoyed much neither.

Searching through his pants and socks drawers, on the other hand… It was a bearable offence.

A half-smiled outlined on her face when she dug up magazines with naked women on the cover from under a pile of luxury undergarments.

“Ah, you act like you’re not interesting but you like to peep at playmates’ boobs, uh? You little dirty mind!”

Curiosity, once again, pushed her to open one of these magazines, so she could see what it was all about. The central poster left her completely impassive. Artistically speaking, it was rather debatable, and she thought the anatomical details looked strange, a bit like looking inside of a school book about human body.

She shrugged and went back to the summary. It happened to be this kind of magazines where naked girls were nothing but a sexy bonus. The rest of the articles were pretty serious. With real editorials, interviews from writers, and even political commentaries.

When the entrance door opened, she still was sitting on the floor, plunged in the reading of a topic about diamonds trafficking in Sierra Leone.

She looked up and didn’t have enough time to hide the magazine, blushing from embarrassment. It wasn’t really the fact she was caught in the act of reading one of his sexy magazines that embarrassed her, but rather the one that said she’d searched through his stuff in order to get it.

Before Soarin could even utter any word, she mumbled clumsy apologies.

“I put that back in place.”

“It’s too late, you’ve seen them, now…”

“Yes. Well… Don’t worry. Got to let nature take its course. Well, it kind of eludes me because I am what I am, but these stuff are pretty normal, even I know that.”

“Could we please talk about something else?”

“Yes, you’re right.”

She got up, closed the magazine, and put it back on the closest support. Immediately, Soarin stepped forward and put it back in place without trying to hide it. In a quick glance, he saw she had made his bed and cleaned her plate and crockeries from her breakfast.

“I’ve tried not to make a mess.”

“You can make all the mess you want”, she answered, pecking her forehead.

Another would have had a rather bad reaction from discovering she had searched and unearthed a sexy magazine. Of course, his cheeks had colored, and his eyes were a bit fleeing, but in the end he was accepting this part of himself, the way he did for many other things. As he had warned her many times: he was the very resentful and vengeful kind, but for this it took very deep dishonesty. Far from being ashamed, he knew his flaws were a part of him, and never tried to deny them.

“I’m going to have a shower… Do you want us to go somewhere together, after this? We could go to your favorite arthouse cinema or I don’t know, whatever you want.”

“It’s very nice of you but I think I’m going to meet my girls. I know they’ve planned a brunch this morning at Sugarcube Corner, and I’d like to join, so I could apologize for yesterday. I’ve been very horrible with them…”

Although Soarin repeated her they wouldn’t hold it against her since they knew how important this day was, Rainbow Dash didn’t want to behave as if their friendship was granted and that it meant she could do anything she wanted without any apologies to give.

She owed them.

Soarin nodded, stretched out his hand and gently pulled her closer, until her body was against his body and he was able to hold her in his arms.

“I understand. And I encourage you to do it. You’re right, we must never take things for granted and think there’s no risk to ever lose them.”

“Yes… That’s what I used to think and look… It’s been four years since she’s gone… Well. Thanks for being you. I like you so much!”

It still wasn’t a “I love you”, but it was what was the closest… In order to accompany her word, she tenderly pecked his lips, her arms around his neck. Soarin let her do so with great pleasure, and when their kiss became a little needier, she knew she’d need a certain will in order to get out of his warm embrace.

“Well, maybe I can stay two or three minutes longer… Or five. No, ten… Okay, fifteen.”

-------------------------------------

The small bell resounded above her head, and all it took to Rainbow Dash to spot her friends sitting at one of the large tables near the window was a couple of seconds. They all six were here, even Rarity, and were laughing out loud while talking.

She hesitated for a short while. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, after all. They looked so relaxed and she would arrive and spoil the mood one more time… It was without taking into account Pinkie Pie who saw her near the door, and made her a sign to step closer.

Seeing her enthusiasm and the way she smiled, her friend didn’t seem to hold a grudge against her about last night’s disaster. But Rainbow Dash had seen, after the rumors she had suffered from, the quickness with which her friend had been able to forgive everyone, without some of them to make any effort at all to try to make it up to her.

It didn’t mean she’d have nothing to do and everything would be forgiven by the snap of her fingers.

With courage in her heart, she walked to her group of friends, who quickly let a free space for her to sit with them. Yet, Rainbow Dash didn’t do it right away. She was feeling she didn’t really deserve this chair until she had apologized in due form. And, this way, the evil would be rooted out right from the beginning.

The conversations stopped on their own when the girls noticed she didn’t settle with them, but was standing, her head low and her hands together, her cheeks colored as if she’d rubbed them with a metal sponge.

“Fluttershy, sorry I had forced you to try bungee jump with me although you’re afraid of heights, and sorry I spoke bad and barely said you goodbye. Sunset Shimmer, I’m sorry about how I treated you when it wasn’t your fault. And Pinkie… Pinkie I’m sorry I put us in danger the way I did. I’m ashamed and I regret it. If you girls only knew how much I regret all this. You’re the best friends someone could ever have and I don’t deserve your mercy.”

She was on the verge of crying, a lump in her throat. For someone as proud as she was, it was never easy to apologize, especially for things that serious. It was to recognize she had this bad side deep inside of her, this side that scared her. How Soarin was able to come in terms with even his ugliest of flaws, she didn’t know but she admired this aptitude with all her soul.

“No one blames you, Rainbow Dash”, Sunset Shimmer started. “We all understood how bad you were feeling yesterday.”

“Yes”, Fluttershy went on. “I was very scared; I admit but I wasn’t angry.”

“Only really traumatized”, Pinkie Pie finished, which settled a strange silence between them.

All the girls looked at her, and the pink-haired young woman realized that, once again, she had let her mouth say out loud a thought that was going through her mind, without thinking about the consequences.

She nervously giggled a little “oops” and got up to grab Rainbow Dash’s hand.

“I’ve told you very harsh things yesterday, because I was scared too, but I’m not mad at you. I know how difficult this day is for you.”

“So, you forgive me? I promise I’ll never do that again.”

“Of course, we forgive you”, Sunset Shimmer told her with a wink. “Do we look like we’re angry?”

“You don’t, but… Pinkie Pie was right last night. This day is going to come back every year… What would happen if I act like an idiot again?”

Although she had decided to go back to see her psychiatrist, there still was a risk, unless she would spend this day locked up in The Room, just in case, she could get carried away again by bad memories and all the pain it had launched.

Her friends were too precious for her, and in no way Rainbow Dash wanted to take the risk to lose them one day. Without them, she would be lost, good to be double-locked up. She could never had been back on tracks if they hadn’t been there… Because even now, she refused to tell herself her struggle against depression could have been won thanks to her sole will and strength.

She saw Applejack outlining a small smile at her words, and she got up to join her at the other end of the table. She took her hands in hers and looked straight into her eyes, such as her implacable honesty often told her to do when she wanted to convey a message the best she could.

Because of this, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but swallowing.

“It’s easy. Instead of tellin’ us nuthin’ at all, ya’ll talk to us and we’ll listen. Except Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, we all knew it was yesterday and none of them even tried to take time to help ya.”

“She’s right”, Twilight intervened. “We also want to apologize, for we let you on your own on such a day.”

“I should have invited you to hang around the boutique. I would have prepared you that awful puffed rice green tea with raspberry macarons you like. Yet I’ve been thinking about you all day long…”

“And, instead of thinking about the accident, why wouldn’t you take an advantage from this day to remember all the wonderful memories you shared with your mother? She was a dynamic person, always positive, she would never have stand to see you as sad.”

“I always forget Rarity, you and Applejack had known her…”, Pinkie Pie added with a small voice.

Yet, it was the case. On the seventh grade and the first months of the eighth grade, Firefly was still alive and welcomed her daughter’s new friends with open arms, delighted to see she had been able to befriend with someone else than Soarin, after her family had left Cloudsdale.

Applejack, Twilight then Rarity had met with this woman with a strong character, who taught her only child a peculiar sense of dignity, pushing her to be very open-minded, to be tolerant, but also not to be a push-over, and not to be scared to show off, no matter if it bothered the others.

“This is your own life, Rainbow Dash, not the neighbor’s. If you’re excellent at something, be proud of it, make the others know. If it bothers them, it’s their problem. As long as you stay true to yourself, there’s nothing to worry about. Integrity is the only thing that matters in the end.”

She often repeated her this doctrine, which the three girls also had benefitted.

She was a person who commanded respect, without the need to do anything for it, simply thanks to an undeniable charisma and self-confidence, which on its own were able to stop tongues wagging.

The three other girls had only heard about her, and always very favorably. No one could deny the influence she had on her daughter, who was doing her best to respect the life principles Firefly had tried to teach her.

Undoubtedly, Twilight was right. She had focused too much on the horror that day meant to her, on the emptiness her mother let behind her, and on everything that had happened after the accident, though she should have make the most of it to remember her with everything that was flamboyant and honest with her. All the love she gave her. All the laughs, the games, the secrets.

But for this, she had to do something, something she never had the courage to do until then. Without this move, she would never turn the page and change her prospects in the future, the huge gap under her feet.

Something told Rainbow Dash it would be much easier with her friends by her side.

“Would you agree to come with me somewhere? There are chances for it not to be very funny, but… It’s important for me.”

“Why would it bother us, darling?”

“We all come with you. We owe you this”, Twilight finished in the name of the other girls, whom she didn’t need the agreement of to know they’d be alright.

In reality, they owed her nothing at all. However, a friend’s role is to help her other friends when they need you, and she needed them.

---------------------------------------------

The place where she brought them was a bit outside of town. Like many other persons without a religion, Firefly had been cremated, and in her testimony, mandatory for every pilot of the Royal Acrobatic Aerial Fleet, she had specified she wanted a part of her cinders to be buried at the roots of a tree, and that the other part was stocked in what was called a room of remembrance.

These rooms were in a very plain building, with no embellishments nor arabesque decors. A plate with the deceased person’s name was engraved into marble, and those who wanted to pay tribute to them came and put down bunches of flowers, messages on post-it, and everything they thought worth of them.

Rainbow Dash had never been there. She knew where her mother’s room of remembrance was, but to visit it was something else. Until then, she’d always considered it to be an insurmountable ordeal on her way. To be honest, she thought no one ever visited this place, not even her father, and she was mad at her own selfishness.

And so, she was pleasantly surprise to see that many persons had let messages for her mother, flowers and small items. It even was added a few medals for merit she had won by being a volunteer to bring humanitarian aid parcels at some places of the planet.

On the other hand, what saddened her was that she wasn’t sure there was something from her father among all those homages. Yet, she knew he was suffering from her absence… to the extent of drinking too much, being unable to look at his daughter because of the striking resemblance between their two characters. He probably was too busy fleeing…

This was the reason why Rainbow Dash had decided to stop running straight forward, trying to avoid the fall of rocks along her way. Today, she was looking reality into her eyes and she was telling her she would never let her win again. Yes, it was unbearable to think she was gone forever, but her friends were right. Firefly would never want that for her only child.

On the day of her twelfth birthday, her mother had told the story of her delivery, which made laugh everyone around, and embarrassed Rainbow Dash… And she had finished her little one-woman show in a way that moved them all to tears.

“The moment they put your small wrinkled body against my breasts, then I knew what true love really meant.”

More than any other words, she would never forget these.

That was what she had to remember of her mother. Not her horrible death, but her extraordinary life. Girl from a low middle-class environment, pushed to manage on her own at an age where her own daughter was still going to high school, she had many casual works in order to pay for her pilot school, married a man from one of the wealthiest families in Equestria, then went back to study at College once married and pregnant, and climbed the social ladder thanks to her strength of will.

Far from being too permissive, she had always taught her daughter respect and politeness, but also a freedom to think and act, and that it wasn’t necessary to fit in the standards to become someone. At each stupid act, she explained her it was from mistakes a person learned. Always, she had as a goal to make out of her daughter, whom she loved more than anything in the world, an adult who would be regarded with admiration.

While Rainbow Dash was going in the direction of the plate wearing her name, the six friends remained in the back. They were here to support her, but this was something she had to do on her own.

She stroked the letters engraved in the marble, little by little taking into account everything it implied. With this visit, she made the death of her mother something unalterable. Impossible to lie to herself now, to tell herself if she shut her eyes for long enough, her mother would appear, hold her in her arms and tell her everything was over with a stroke in her hair.

Her throat was knotted. She couldn’t help it. Not to cry was an aim out of her reach, so Rainbow Dash let the tears roll along her cheeks, not trying to conceal them, nor to wipe them neither. They were serene silent sobs… They confirmed that she would never accept this injustice from life, but that she had finally decided to put up with it, so she could walk forward for real, without bouncing back every year at the same period.

“Since I’m bad at lovely declarations, I’ve taken this poem from this movie you used to like so much… ‘Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone. Silence the pianos and with muffled drums, bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead, scribbling on the sky the message She Is Dead. Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves, let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. She was my North, my South, my East and my West, my working week and my Sunday rest, my moon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now could ever come to any good.’ I miss you, mommy…”

Her words got strangled and she had to stop here. All along her reading, her voice trembling, she had been strong, but the barrier had just broken. This necessary evil was like pulling a dressing off. Painful on the moment, but it had to be done.

Each of them knew if they had to be in a situation of distress, Rainbow Dash would be a helping hand. Many times, she had intervened in order to take defense of their tarnished honor, or to give them courage in the worst of moments. Their friendship was the type that no ordeal could shatter.

As long as they were together, they felt like they could face and overcome anything. They were each other’s strength. Lights to guide them in the rainy days.

----------------------------------------------

“It’s a good thing you’ve taken this decision”, Dr. Horse told her, glancing at her from under his glasses, like always. “How are you feeling now?”

“Relieved.”

Of course, the struggle against herself wasn’t over yet, or else she would never have come back to Green Haven after many years, to resume her therapy where she left it when she left. However, a step had been made. She had taken the bandage off her eyes, this filter sheltering her from reality, still a little impalpable.

Now, things could only go in the right direction. She would do anything for it, anyway.

The psychiatrist checked out what time it was on his wrist watch, then put his pencil and notebook on the table by his side, testifying the session was over. He had let her tell everything she wanted, without any limit of time, though his time was precious. Rainbow Dash was glad he did.

To talk about it had done her good, allowing her to get rid of a weight coiling her back. Without embellishing anything, without trying to play the good girl. Such as things were or such as she had felt them. The truth, even if it had nothing bright and shiny.

The only thing she had kept to herself was the intimacy shared with Soarin, although it had helped her to get better. It would be her little secret. Between him and her.

Rainbow Dash and Dr. Horse exchanged commonplaces typical of an end of session… But when she was about to leave his office, the latter called on the young woman.

“Tell me… Are you still convinced your father hates you?”

A quick smile passed through her face, a bit bitter. Back when she was committed, her violence against her father was even sharper than today. She held a terrible grudge against him for sending her here, for not trying to reach out his hand to help her. Because of this, some of her words about her father had been really harsh during their previous face to face.

“Yes”, she answered despite the nuance existing now.

“Fine. Let’s talk about it deeper next week?”

“Next week, yes.”

And she closed the door behind her.

Leaning against the wooden door, she sighed. With these few words, he meant he was ready to resume the therapy for good. Every week, she would come back where she swore she would never go back again. Green Haven. Hell on Earth.

Yet, today, walking through the sterilized corridors, she felt as if this place wasn’t that horrible. Everything was modern and clean. Too modern and too clean, maybe. As deprived of personality as possible, this was sure.

It wasn’t the place itself that put a knot inside her throat, as she was walking towards the exit. It was what had happened there. What these walls contained of shades from the human soul. And the smell of antidepressants. The lack of huge windows giving view to the garden with many trees and the emerald-colored lawn. The lack of anything that could make someone smile.

But being finally outside and breathing the fresh air of freedom at the top of her lungs, Rainbow Dash understood it all belonged to the past. She only came here in order to complete what was a work in progress. She could go in and go out as an autonomous person. It wasn’t a mental health patient anymore who was crossing the garden to reach the gate, it was a young woman who had traveled three quarters of the road to closure and who was doing her best to finish the remaining quarter, with her chin up. Honest with herself. The way her mother would have liked her to be.