//------------------------------// // (5) Music, Magic, Drinks... and pants. // Story: Fist full of Iron // by Nosguy //------------------------------// When I awoke, my head was throbbing worse than the time I went to a concert and got knocked in the head by the stage diving Great White Whale. Yes, he was white, and he was at least 300 plus pounds. How he got to the back of the stage I will never know, but you don't stage dive at a certain weight, that's just stupid. I looked around the room I was in to see that I was in an hospital bed in what I guess was Canterlot's main hospital. I was also chained down to the bed. Well then... This is not at all kinky. I looked around the room, it was your standard medical suite, except designed for only one patient. You had your curtain for privacy, your whiteboard with information as to who takes care of what (I had Doctor Caduceus and Nurse Joyheart for my caretakers), with a window opened to the outside to show it was still night, and a nightstand with drawers.I was annoyed by the fact that they didn't give me any blankets for myself. I looked at myself to notice I was bandaged even more than usual, so I am guessing I got some shrapnel in me from the explosion. Remembering how a trap was triggered right when I was about to shoot the Operator in the face. I need to find that bear and punch him in the face for stealing my kill! What? So what if I missed! It was still my kill and I deserved it after having to pull a revolver out of my chest! Stupid bear... I looked out and noticed that the lights from the Gala were still going off, which meant I was only asleep for maybe a few hours. I want to go ahead and get this out of the way, but I hate waiting. I hate sitting somewhere and doing nothing, so normally I would read fan fictions on my phone, but because I have no phone, and I am tied down to a bed, you can imagine how this felt to someone like me. Good news is I had an average singing voice, and since I was stuck here, I might as well enjoy myself. So, I just closed my eyes and went through my mind's infinite library of music that I enjoy. I figured, if anything, some good old Dustin Kensrue covers were as good as any song. I hummed to myself to warm up my vocal cords a bit and started to sing. There's a place I know where the train goes slow Where the sinner can be washed in the blood of the lamb There's a river by the trestle down by sinner's grove Down where the willow and the dogwood grow Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow *It was at this point I heard an acoustic guitar playing, matching my memory of the song.* You can hear the whistle, you can hear the bell From the halls of heaven to the gates of hell And there's room for the forsaken if you're there on time You'll be washed of all your sins and all of your crimes Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow There's a golden moon that shines up through the mist And I know that your name can be on that list There's no eye for an eye, there's no tooth for a tooth I saw Judas Iscariot carrying John Wilkes Booth Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow If you've lost all your hope, if you've lost all your faith I know you can be cared for and I know you can be safe And all the shamefuls and all of the whores And even the soldier who pierced the side of the Lord Is down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow Well, I've never asked forgiveness and I've never said a prayer Never given of myself, I've never truly cared And I've left the ones who loved me and I'm still raising Cain I've taken the low road and if you've done the same Meet me down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow Where the train goes slow Where the train goes slow Where the train goes slow Meet me down there by the train. I then heard the slow stomping coming from the door, I looked over to see a white coated pony with a buttercream yellow mane in a nurse's uniform stomping her hooves in a type of applause. "My, my, by my Celestia, that singing was ah very beautiful performance there sweetie," she smiled at me sweetly as she came into my room. She had a southern accent that almost made me want some apple pie. Almost. "I've been known to sing skylarks out of their nests, miss." I gave her a small wink, the tool in me taking over for a short time before mannerism sent him back into his gray walled bachelor pad where he belonged. "Miss Joyheart I presume?" "Why, yes. Mr. Cole is it?" I gave her a nod to confirm who I was. "It's surely amazin' tah be workin' with ah species as unique as ya are sir, especially one that can perform magic that well. You ain't no Johnny Bits, but you sure play a wonderful guitar." That part... confused me a touch. Wait, Johnny Bits? "Ex-squeeze me," I queried in true Austin Powers fashion. She returned a puzzled look at me, surprised a bit. "Ya didn't know y'all could do magic?" I shook my head. "Well I..." What? I thought that guitar was in my head and I was imagining it, but if she heard it then that means... "Holy crap! I can do magic! Yes!" I made to jump around and skip much like much like a certain lavender unicorn we all know and d'aww upon, but I still, of course, couldn't MOVE A BLOODY MUSCLE! "Miss Joyheart?" "Y'all can call me Joy, sweetie." "Can you do something about this restraint?" "'Fraid not, sweetheart, the doctor has tah give the order. Ah apologize about it though, is there anything ah can do tah make ya more comfortable?" I looked up at the ceiling and thought for a moment. "Well... Mi- I mean Joy, I guess to start, what might help is if I could get a pair of pants. Jeans specifically." She looked at me curiously. "Uh, m'am, I don't know if you noticed this, but I'm neckid." She then looked down towards my, well you get the idea. However, her reaction was hilarious! She turned from white to pink to a deep crimson shade of red so quick you would've thought someone asked her about about her sex life at a lunch (something similar to this). She quickly left the room muttering something about "By Celestia," and "I know I'm a nurse, but..." I honestly chortled a bit. A bit embarrassed myself though since I asked so casually. Couldn't help it though, I mean there was probably no other way around it, and if there was it wasn't as funny as this way. I figured if I was going to be here, I might as well practice my magic. I tried thinking about how telekinesis worked and tried to lift the clipboard at the edge of my bed. I looked at it and thought about the clipboard levitating in front of me, after a few minutes of focus, the clipboard was surrounded by a silver aura and was lifted towards me. I levitated it towards me and had it hover in front of my face. Lemme see here, we have some blunt force trauma, that is the rubble, reopening of wounds, that would be the part I pulled out the gun, and shrapnel was buried into my chest I see. They had to reopen my chest to pull out some of them and then... found that the wound healed on its own? The hell? That ain't normal... I was brought in by... Beck?! Beck found me! Good work, boyo! I chuckled a slight bit and decided I was going to open up the nightstand. I laid the clipboard down on my chest. Next, I focused on the handle of the nightstand drawer and slowly pulled it out. Just doing magic without knowing a thing about it, 'cause I'm awesome you know. To my immense joy, and worry at the same time, I found my gun in the drawer! Squee~! "I'm glad to see you were able to get the gun out in time," a voice came from my door. I looked to see a unicorn in scrubs and a doctor's coat. "What? How do you know about my revolver?" "What, Mr. Cole, I am wounded, you do not remember me?" "Can't say I do, but am I correct in assuming you are Doctor Caduceus?" The stallion smiled at me and gave me a nod. Wait, a second. That smile, that voice. "You are the prick who sent me here! You sonuva-" "Now, now, Mr. Cole, I am also the one who saved you with that gun. I mean after all didn't you kill the Operator?" I stared at him for a minute. "Um, yeah, yeah I did." I really hope he didn't know I missed. "Wait you missed? How can you miss! I gave you explosive rounds!" Crap! Wait a second did he just- "Read your mind? Yes. All of us gods and goddesses are able to do that. You can do your whole spiel now." I just sat there for a minute and shrugged. "Nah, I'm good. Question though, who are you really?" The stallion gave me a smile. "Well, here I am known as Doctor Caduceus, I picked up the trade whenever I visited Equestria. However, on Earth, I believe you know me by another name. I am Hermes, son of Zeus and an Olympian." "I prefer to refer you as the asshole who stuck his hand and grabbed my heart." "Well, how else do you expect me to give you your weapon. You had to bring in it somehow, I just had to make a bit of room for it to fit." "I guess, but couldn't you have done it... in a less painful way?" "Nope." I glared at him with a fiery passion. Maybe if I glared at him long enough, I could set him on fire. With my mind. "I also wanted to ask you a few questions, Cole, if you don't mind." "I guess, can you do something about the restraints though? I have this itch and its annoying the hell out of me right now." The god/doctor pony moved towards me and with a glimmer of magic unlocked the restraints and let me free. I got up and stretched my back and scratched at my bandages a bit. "You know you can take those off right? Your wounds healed up quickly when I applied magic on it, you should just have a few scars and some irritation too." I shrugged at him, claiming it gave me a rugged, tough guy look. "Any chance you can give me a bit of an explanation on my situation here? You told me to help these 'chess pieces' but I don't really know where to start." I walked over to the window and looked out at the lights for a while, it was simply beautiful out too. With Luna's moon and not a cloud in the sky, and not that far away from here I could here a concert going off from the Gala. It sounded wonderful. I turned around and saw Doctor Caduceus/Hermes levitate a chair over to me as he grabbed himself a seat on my hospital bed. He stared out the window for a while contemplating, thinking of how he was going to explain this "game" to me. "Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you as of yet friend." My jaw dropped. "Are you serious?" "Nope, I may be a god, but I am still trying to find everything out myself, and that is being put on hold since Hades asked for a huge favor." I was kind of curious about that, why would a god ask another god to work for him? It was strange but it made since that the God of the Underworld would send out the Olympian messenger to find someone for him. "Yeah, it does, but I don't want to say much else, as of yet. Anyways, do you have an idea on how to help your fellow pieces?" I shook my head. "Dude, I was dropped in this morning, took a crash course in sky diving, crashed through at least three walls, annoyed the hell out of the Captain of the Royal Guard, smoked a cigarillo-" "Wait you smoke?" "Yes, anyways-" "Where did you get it from?" "A friend got it for me, anyways, took a nap, got the hell scared out of me by Slender Mane, chased after him, saw the Royal Guards get wrecked by a bear thing, chased after Slender some more, almost got killed, pulled a revolver out of my chest, got blown up and took a nap under some rocks and woke up here. Does it look like I had time to think of a plan to help people I don't even know!" I exploded on the last sentence, somehow ending up in Hermes's face. "Calm down, friend. I'm here to help how I can. I know you didn't have much time, but look at the bright side, if all that stuff didn't happen, you would still have iron in your heart, and you would not know about your magical abilities." I glared down at the deity in stallion form and heaved a heavy sigh. He had a point. I have a weapon I am familiar with at least, granted I need to get some practice in me. I still had a few questions on my mind however. "I still need to ask, what did you mean in the letter by 'Mind the AoE,'" I queried. "You never saw the explosions? Empty the revolver really quick and set down the bullets." I did as he asked and set the bullets gently on to the bed. They all had orange tips on them, specifically burnt orange. "Now, remember how in your world, you mortals had rocket launchers?" I nodded and watched as he picked up one of my bullets. "These bullets are the equivalent of an RPG, but they do not leave a smoke trail, and they are more compact. I cannot speak for the stability myself though, this was just to experiment with a few chemicals and elements. Now, what I meant by AoE is-" "The area of effect caused by the explosion from the bullet. Essentially what you are saying is that when I pull the trigger on the gun, if I fire point blank I will get blown away by the blast and possibly damaged by the shrapnel from anything I hit too right?" Hermes nodded his head. "I call them Big Pappas, because of that. You never want to piss off Big Papa or else you may be missing a limb." I smiled a bit at the suggested humor. I knew a couple things about a "shotgun wedding" from the places I have been to. "Got any standard .44 bullets? I need to get back into practice with this thing." Hermes smiled and opened the drawer on the nightstand again to show a ammo box full of .44 rounds. I smiled a bit, I was hoping I would not have to handcraft any bullets, since the material can be pretty tough to come by. "Next question, why was Slender Mane chasing me," I asked Hermes, to which he looked at me and sighed. "I was afraid you would ask about that. You see, when I brought you into this world, it may have felt like I sent you right before you died, but the fact of the matter is, you died and then I sent you into this world. My guess would be that the Operator considered your death to be a traumatic enough experience that he did not want you escaping twice... Or thrice by now. You were dead, but the Fates allowed your revival and permitted your entry to Equestria at mine and Zeus's request. To tell the truth I was surprised Zeus passed that." Honestly, at this point, I would say I reacted to it violently, or with sadness, that I punched him in the face with tears in my eyes but here is the problem. I felt nothing. I felt a kind of emptiness but it was one I was not use to whenever I had depression and apathy hit me in my junior high and high school years. It was that loss of value of my life. I use to tell myself that if I died, I would be ready, but now that I see that my own body on Earth that was created specifically for me was destroyed, it left me empty. I sat back down on the chair, my back to Hermes. "Excuse me, Cole," Joyheart had returned finally. Good thing I'm good at faking happiness! "My pants! Oh sweet lovable blue denim! How I have missed you!" I jumped out of my seat much to the surprise of Hermes who was still getting use to the melancholy atmosphere I left by my chair. Achievement Unlocked: Skewed Bipolar. I ran over to the jean pony and gave her a peck on the cheek as grabbed the pants from her back. "Oh my, now that ah didn't expect," she blushed. Hrrrk! Too much cuteness! I slipped the pants on and turned back to Hermes with a big, stupid grin on my face. He stared back at me and shook his head. He stood up from the bed and walked over to me and the nurse. "Oh, Doctor Caduceus I did not know you came in here." "It's quite alright Nurse, I can see you are quite taken with our new patient here, he is a sweet boy. Little bit ugly-" Hey screw you! "-but a good kid." His mouth went into his coat pockets and pulled out a bag. "Here you go Cole, here are some bits to get you started out, should be a good five hundred in there, but be careful where you spend it." "Yes, dad," I answered. Hermes shuddered visibly, seriously am I that ugly? "Now I'll still be here, and now that you aren't completely naked anymore, you can go around town a bit. Go explore, and come back here when you are done. I hope you have an answer to my question when you get back too." I nodded at him and smiled. "Nurse, can you go get that bag I left behind the station please?" "Yes, Doctor." "When she comes back you can leave when you want to, but like I said, come back and ask to see me in my office, I'll be working late tonight." I waved him off and went to the bathroom in my hospital room. It wasn't that I had to go pee, it was that I was secretly narcissistic and had to look at myself in the mirror. And then possibly pee. I got a better look at myself then when I saw my reflection in Cadence's vanity mirror. I was a dark grey skinned humanoid with horns, but my horns had grown bigger and had a slight curve on them since I last saw them. I also had silver hair growing out and slicked back a bit. Over my right eye I got a scar, I'm guessing from the shrapnel from the explosion. My nose looked like a regular human nose, no curve, just normal. I had a pretty square chin though, and that meant I had a pretty manly chin. On the manly chin I had a silver-haired goatee growing in with a soul stripe coming up to my mouth. I seriously do not know why everyone cringes? I look sexy... right? My torso was still bandaged but it had some muscle mass under all of the bandages. I had a lot of muscle in fact, and it looked good. I kept feeding my ego in the mirror until I heard a knock on the door. "Cole! Ah have your bag here!" I gave myself a wink in the mirror and immediately kicked my narcissism back into his room of mirrors where he should have stayed. I stepped out of the bathroom and greeted Joyheart. I set the bag down on the bed and opened it up. Inside the bag I found a few things, a holster that fit the .44 perfectly, a notebook and pencil probably for my ideas and thoughts since you know, everything that has been happening, a pair of aviators, and a black military beret. I squealed on the last one, I'm a huge fan of hats, back home I had ten baseball caps, five flat caps, six bandanas all of various colors, and four fedoras, one for each season. I was giddy, hell I was excited! I got a few things that I needed, and then some. I placed the ammo box into the bag, put the bag over my shoulders and I was ready to hit the town. "Joy, thank you for taking care of me, I know I was pretty tough to take care of, even if it was just for a little bit," I gave her some gratitude, since it was late and she probably would have rather been at home with her friends or family on the night of the Gala. She smiled at me and said your welcome as I left the room. I exited the hospital and had only one thing on my mind. Need... Whiskey! With the nightlife of Canterlot still active, I went straight to the place where the lights were brightest and the smell of alcohol led my nostrils with its alluring scent. I went through the streets and alleys, until I spotted the golden cellar gates of Heaven. The sign above read McColtan's Pub. I walked into the pub and was immediately attacked by the entire room staring towards me. Can't say I blame them, not every day you see a demon walk into your home. However, I was taken by surprised that it was not only ponies there. I saw griffins and catpeople there too. They all just stared at me and I had only one option. I took in a deep breath... "Can't a thirsty soul get a shot of whiskey in him?!" I yelled to the crowd in my best Irish accent. I went to the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey (AppleJack Daniels, why am I not surprised). My horns started glowing as I figured I might as well lessen the tension with a good old drinking song. The patrons were taken by surprise as they heard a violin and I jumped on to the bar after drinking my shot. Now, I hope you all know this song. Because these people obviously didn't but they were clapping along and swinging with me as I made a complete ass of myself. During the second verse I started to grab one of the catwomen and dance with them. much to the anger of one griffin I think. I spun around and sang around the whole bar until I got to the end of it. I then motioned for everyone in the bar to start howling with me. A couple of them all I got was a "Rawwrrrr" and a "WRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY!" I shrugged and plopped down between a few ponies at a table. "Good evening to you all," I gave a wink to the mares of the table and ruffled the manes of the stallions. I waved the waitress over to get a drink. They stared at me like I was an alien... Well technically I was or maybe it was the bandages. The waitress sauntered over to the table and looked at me. "Anything I can get for you sweetie?" "Got anything like a rum and cola," I asked the waitress, without really looking at her. "I'm sorry sir, we are out of rum." I banged my left fist on the table. Insert curse about rum always being gone here. "Well, could you do something like a whiskey and cola? Jack and cola specifically." "I'll see what the barkeep can whip up for you babe. Want me to keep a tab?" "That would be wonderful miss," I gave her a wink as she walked off to get me a drink. I looked at the other ponies with me at the table. "Well go on, keep talking, I ain't gonna bother y'all. I'm a friendly foal in a monkey's body." My tail wagged and wiggled behind me as the ponies stared at me. The stallions shrugged and focused back on the mares. "Listen Golden, Tea, me and Prongs would never leave you to any Diamond dogs, I know the rumors are scary, but as long as you are with us, we will protect you." That was the tan stallion talking, and I'm guessing the gray one was Prongs. I was curious about what they were talking about though. "Wait, Diamond Dogs? What are you talking about?" Prongs gave me a look and the mares were kind of shocked. "You never heard the rumors," asked one of the mares, I'm guessing Tea. "Nope, I just dropped into Canterlot this morning. Literally." "Well, rumors have been going around that in Equestria ponies have gone missing and they have been saying its the Diamond Dogs," answered Tea. "Hm, interesting, what is that all about?" The table next to us, which was filled with griffins and catpeople immediately turned towards me. "Boy, you must be green, you haven't heard the call go out from Captain Griffin," stated one of the griffins. "Captain Griffin? Nope, never heard of him. Like I said, dropped in just this morning." They shook their heads and turned back to their table. "So ponies have been going missing?" I turned back to the four I was next to who all nodded. "Yeah, but these great boys have vouched for us, and so we know we are safe," said Golden, with a hint naivety, I looked around at the rest of the pub and noticed something about the griffins, catpeople, even some diamond dogs and a few of the ponies. Some of them were bearing scars, others had weapons sheathed on them and were wearing rainbow armor (are those dragon scales?), then I looked at the four in front of me. No scars, no weapons, looks of innocence, but complete confidence in their own abilities. Time to test the honorable protectors. I looked at Prongs and the tan stallion. "So," I started. "What you are saying is that, when shit hits the fan, you will stand by these girls and protect them from harm?" They both nodded. "Even if say, diamond dogs broke through the floor and started kidnapping people left and right." My drink had arrived and I took a sip. "What if they were armed and were prepared to kill you? What if they took the girls from you and told you if you moved they would kill you? Would you still try and save them even at the cost of your lives?" I stared at the two stallions, Prongs was starting to look nervous, but the tan stallion stared back at me with the fire of determination in his eyes. Time to move in for the kill. I unholstered my gun and pointed it at them. Everyone in the tavern screamed, and all of the scarred brawlers stood ready for a fight against me. "What if I was working with the Diamond Dogs? What if I told you that if you moved a muscle, I would blow your brains out and then I would take your mares and ra-" Tan stood up and attempted to tackle me over the table. Good reaction time. I like this kid, but too obvious. I side stepped and grabbed him by the mane before throwing him on the ground. Hard. The other patrons were watching me, I think I saw a few spears being put at the ready. Tan was glaring at me and trying to hit me, put I had him pinned with the revolver to his throat. "That's good, no delay in your actions. Wasn't even afraid of my gun. That's excellent in fact." I smiled at the stallion and got off of him. And then he bucked me in the stomach. "Ow! SONUVA- I ain't working with the diamond dogs. I was just fecking testing you. Ow... ow." Tan had gotten up and gotten into a fighting stance. "Woah, mate, woah. Look I work with Princesses. I just-" "Bullshit!" Woah, a pony that cusses. Never thought I would hear that. "Okay, you're right, if I told you who I did work for, you wouldn't believe me." It was then I noticed everyone in the bar had weapons pointed at me. I holstered my revolver and put my hands up. "Woah, everyone calm down." A catman came up to me and gave me a sniff. "You don't have diamond dog scent on you," he said. "Well hell I could have told you that." "How did you get the bandages, demon." "Woah, bit much friend. I was shot. Okay?" "Shot? By what?" "Y'all won't believe me if I told you." "Try us." I took a deep breath and decided I might as well at least see if the truth will work. "I'm an alien." I got a few whispers from that, something about "the Captain," I didn't really hear. "Go on, demon." "Well I guess it was yesterday, I went to the bank, and there was a robbery. Some guys came to steal money, one of them threatened to kill a baby, and I stopped him, killed two of them and the third one shot me with a 20 gauge shotgun. That's why I got the scars. Some guy then sent me to Equestria and I landed in the Royal Castle. I've had a few events since then, but that's the basics of it." The fighters in the pub seemed satisfied with that for some reason. "What are your plans then alien?" That was from one of the griffins to my right. "Well, don't really know yet." I reached for my drink and took a sip from it. "That is why I came here, to see if I could think of something. Say, this diamond dog situation, you saying it is all over Equestria?" "Not just Equestria," that was from the catman who sniffed me. "It's everywhere, Gem Fido, the Dominion, The Great Southern Forest. All of it. It is because of the dragons and their greed for gems and the diamond dog Alphas also having a lot of greed." I nodded my head and had another sip of my drink. "Has anyone thought about setting up a kind of force to safeguard from situations like that?" "Captain Griffin is raising an army and has the support of Princess Celestia." "Yes but for what?" "To free the Dominion and declare war on the enslaving diamond dogs." "Alright, but aren't there other threats?" "Yes, there are hydras, demons, ogres, orcs, goblins raiding and destroying villages, and then there are domestic disputes too." "Alright, well isn't there a kind of force? Back in my homeland, there was a union of a lot of countries called the United Nations, and they had their own police force in a sense to keep the peace. In one story I read, I remember a branch of an organization breaking off from the status quo and patrolling a whole wasteland to try and keep it safe for the settlers there. Isn't there something like that?" All of them put down their weapons and shook their heads. I relaxed a bit. Thank God, that might have ended badly. However, I think I may know what I can do for this land now. Now I just have to set it up first... But first. "Drinks are on me tonight everyone!" I got a huge rousing cheer from all of the patrons as the atmosphere completely changed. And it was then I realized, 500 bits would not be enough to cover the tab. A/N: Wow, that one took a while. I think I delivered though. Over 5,500 words too. So that might satisfy you all for a bit. Feel free to give me some critique I'm always looking for ways to improve. Props to Blackwing's Griffin the Griffin for having such a huge crew. Enjoy the story! Now I got to go plan some more!