"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." Rainbow Dash's voice rasped. Her ruby eyes reflected literal dozens upon dozens of ornate bar signs. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." The hairs of her neck stood on end as she took in the enormity of the Diamond District's selection. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
"Will ya calm down?" Applejack trotted up in a hoof. She glanced at the curious, affluently-dressed locals giving the pair of mares the stinkeye. "We ain't at no dentist. Unless yer meanin' to make somethin' useful out of yer muzzle, then ya better close it!"
Rainbow swallowed a lump down her throat. "AJ. Ah jeez, AJ. There're so many of them, AJ..."
"I can see that!" Applejack smiled in spite of the fact. "Whew!" She fanned herself with her hat. "And here I thought Ponyville was nestled in the Land of the Plenty! This is a veritable cornacopia of Daddy Sodas!"
Rainbow Dash did a double-take. She squinted at Applejack, warily. "'Daddy Sodas?'"
"Ha ha! You like that?"
"... ... ... ...no???"
"Rarity told me about the term." Applejack chuckled. "It's what her Pa used to call cans of hard cider that he left lyin' around the kitchen and..." She blinked. "Er... y'know what?" She plopped her hat back on. "I ain't gonna finish that. Celestia knows, Rarity never did."
"Maybe we should j-just turn back around," Rainbow's voice cracked.
"What?" Applejack grimaced. "Why?"
"I mean look at this!" Rainbow flung a hoof towards the mess of options.
"Yeah? And?" Applejack smirked. "I figured you'd be overjoyed! Goddess knows I'm buzzed already and I haven't even had a nip!"
"It's just that..." Rainbow Dash sighed heavily, her body slightly hunched over. "AJ... I've never been all that good at making choices. My mind works in a straight line, y'know? Just plant a single flag on the top of a hill and I'm there."
"Ya dun say..."
"If I was a finicky mare like Rarity, I might dig this, but... euuugh..." Rainbow shook all over. "This is stupid. I mean—what if we pick a lame place? We'd be wasting our bits for nothing!"
"Ain't no waste of bits!" Applejack shook her head. "Not so long as I'm with you!"
Rainbow Dash blinked. Hard. "Buh?"
"T'ain't hard to get yer head around, sugarcube."
"... ... ...Buh???"
"Heheh..." Applejack rolled her eyes. "I'm here to have fun. It ain't all about the drink. It's about the discourse—ya reckon?" She nudged the petite pegasus' shoulder. "After all, it's plum miserable to drink alone."
"Oh..." Rainbow Dash blinked. A nervous chuckle. "Oh yeah! Heh heh!" She rubbed the back of her head. "Totally."
"Still..." Applejack rubbed her chin. "If it's that much of a chore for you, I guess I could totally pick the place we sit down at."
"You cool doing that?"
"Sure as sugar, darlin'!" Applejack took a few steps ahead. "We apples were born to fall from the tree first."
"Whatever that means, I can certainly dig it."
"Yes. Yes you can." Applejack squinted, squinted, then pointed. "There. The Drunken Skeever."
"AJ, the sign says 'Dawn and Shimmer.'"
"Whatever. Good enough."
"You really need to get your eyes checked."
"So what if I make a livin' where I need to stare into the sun a whole lot?"
"Well, at least it makes you look awesome in a pinch."
"Huh?"
Rainbow Dash coughed. "Alright! Drunken Skeever it is!"
"'Dawn and Shi—'"
"Whatever!" Rainbow Dash's wings blurred as she drifted ahead. "Looks like it's got patio seating! You can continue squinting into the bright sky!"
"Heh..." Applejack trotted after her. "What's left of it!"
"I doubt this is going to be our only stop."
"That's assumin' Canterlot brews somethin' deservin' of a second bar hop."
"Oh come on, AJ." Rainbow blew a raspberry over her fuzzy shoulder. "I know they're city slickers, but cut them some slack!"
“Spnkkkt!” Rainbow Dash hissed, spitting a fountain of bland cider out through her teeth. She reeled in her patio seat and held the container of brew as far away from her muzzle as possible. “This cider sucks!”
Applejack nearly exploded in guffawing laughter. Feeling the eyes of several nearby onlookers, she had to stifle the urge to chortle and instead lean towards Rainbow Dash, hissing: "I’m mighty glad you agree with me, sugarcube. But would it kill y’all to be a tad bit less rowdy about it?”
“What?” Rainbow smirked devilishly. “It’s a tragedy, I tell ya! Canterlot needs to know! Heck! All of Equestria should know!” With flapping wings, she hovered in place and hollered: “Hey, everypony! You wanna know what liquified sandpaper tastes like?!”