Characters (Human): TES, Rainbow Dash, Daring Do, The Brilliant and Wonderful Vicki
Characters (Pony): Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, TWP
Original Write Date: June 21, 2012
James pulls a lever on the TARDIS console. He turns a few knobs and presses a couple buttons. Once the power-down sequence is initiated, he turns to his travel companion.
‘Now, the most important part about time travel is not interfering. Don’t get yourself noticed. Don’t stand out. I know I promised you an adventure, but we are not to interfere at all.’
Rainbow Dash salutes. ‘Got it, boss!’
James opens the TARDIS doors onto an university. The ship is in the form of an information kiosk at one end of a quad. There is a noticeable lack of mobiles and computers. The students are dressed more conservatively, and fashion tends to favor suits for the men and dresses for the women. James turns back to Rainbow Dash. The outline of her sports bra and gym shorts are visible under her t-shirt and sweatpants. He sighs and leads her through the door.
‘Okay. I said that I would try to get you to meet Daring Do on this trip but if we find her, we are only getting autographs. No photos. No video. Nothing that could upset spacetime.’
James turns around and almost bumps into a woman. She grabs his head and leans up for a kiss. Rainbow Dash covers her mouth as she giggles at the situation. Eventually, the woman lets The Stunned Physicist free. She straightens her multi-toned, greyscale hair.
‘See you around, cutie,’ she says before heading into the university.
James stands frozen while Rainbow Dash laughs at her host. She puts a hand on his shoulder.
‘What was that about upsetting spacetime?’
‘I was not expecting that.’
‘How was it?’
James looks around to make sure it is safe. ‘Not as good as Twilight, but she used her tongue fancier than Pinkie.’
Rainbow Dash falls to the ground laughing. Students and professors stop and look at the scene. James shakes off the strange occurrence but freezes when another thought hits him.
‘Was that..?’
Rainbow Dash picks herself up. ‘Was that who?’
James runs after the woman, with Rainbow Dash at his heels. He skids to a stop by a classroom, his trainers scuffing the floor. A person in a large trench coat slinks away across the hall. A wisp of silver hair is seen. In the room, the kissy woman is giving a lecture. James and Rainbow Dash slip into the back of the class. The woman notices but continues her lecture. During her whole talk, she keeps her eyes on the man in the back of the room.
‘... Archaeology is very painstaking work. After hours of digging, artefacts are uncovered using an array of tiny brushes. Most importantly, “X” never, ever marks the spot.’
The bell rings at the end of class.
‘Remember, you have a test next Wednesday. Reading is chapters five through eight in Jones. See the TAs for your essays.’
The professor talks with a couple of her students before heading to the back of the class to meet her guests. She gives James a coy smile.
‘Hey, sexy,’ she greets.
‘Hi!’ Rainbow Dash replies.
The woman winks. ‘You’re cute too.’ She runs a finger up James’ chest. ‘Told ya I’d see ya around. I have office hours now if you're interested in a private study session.’
‘Professor Do, I presume?’ James says.
‘Wait! You’re Daring Do!’ Rainbow Dash gapes.
Daring smiles and winks. ‘Always great to meet fans.’
‘Your books never mention your classes.’
Daring sighs. ‘Yeah. My editor has me drop a lot of content to keep it appealing to my fanbase. Lots of really, uh, exciting things get cut as well.’ She winks at James. She holds a hand out to Rainbow Dash. ‘I take it you want an autograph.’
Rainbow Dash beams, holds out her book and nods excitedly. ‘Make it out to Rainbow Dash.’
Daring signs the inside cover. ‘ “To my number one fan.” Here you go, Miss Dash. Love the hair, by the way.’
‘Thanks!’ Dash giggles.
‘And you, cutie?’ Daring asks James.
‘I’m good. We just came so she could meet you.’
‘You’re leaving so soon? Why don’t you stay a bit and chat? You can bring your girlfriend with you.’
‘She’s not my girlfriend.’
‘So you’re single.’
‘No, she’s just not my girlfriend.’
‘A handsome man with a beautiful girl on his arm who isn’t his girlfriend? I’d love to see how cute the real deal is.’
‘Very cute,’ James and Rainbow Dash answer in unison.
All of them... James thinks.
Daring smirks. ‘Even more interesting. Well, I hope to meet you again, Mister..?’
‘I’m The Wandering Physicist.’
‘We just call him Jimmy,’ Rainbow Dash adds.
‘Physicist... Are you here for the conference? I knew you looked familiar! You’re the person I am supposed to protect!’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘The big science conference this week. There is supposed to be a big presentation by a world famous physicist proposing a new energy source. Celestia herself wrote me asking to safeguard him from external threats.’ She checks James out again. ‘I am going to love this assignment.’
‘Sweet. We totally get to hang out with Daring Do!’ Rainbow Dash squeezes her cheeks together. ‘So awesome!’
‘Uh... I am not who you think I am... We really should be going...’
Daring pulls a letter from her jacket pocket. ‘No way! Royal orders.’ She presses against the nervous man. ‘I am going to stay on top of you 24/7.’
‘Uh....’
James and Rainbow Dash sit in a hotel room. The woman looks at her autographed book and squeals. She lays back on her bed and giggles.
James scowls at the letter from Celestia. ‘This is just revenge,’ he grumbles. ‘I spend a few hundred of her years poking holes in her misguided policies, and this is the thanks I get?’
‘Calm down, Jimmy. You are forgetting the most important part. We get to hang out with Daring Do! The coolest person to ever live! Well, not counting me, of course.’
James snorts. ‘That’s it. As soon as this is over, I am giving her hell about Luna again. I think I’ll even stand by the Discord statue, too. Really test her patience.’
‘Jimmy! Come on! Daring Do!’
‘Yeah. You’d be less excited if she spent our entire meeting trying to get her hands in your pants.’
‘Hell yeah, I’d be less excited! I’d be more naked, panting and passed out in her arms!’
‘Ugh. I am definitely telling your girlfr... boyfrie... … Who the hell are you dating anyway?’
Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. ‘Pfft. You don’t need to date someone to sleep with them.’
James lowers his mobile. ‘Twilight is never saying “yes” to your pestering after she sees this vid.’
‘You wouldn’t.’
‘Listen. We just have to make it through this conference. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to find out what I am supposed to talk about so I can prepare.’
James goes to the door. Daring Do is leaning in the frame. She simpers at the sight of her guest.
‘Care for a tour before I take you to dinner?’ the archaeologist offers.
‘What do you say, Dash?’
‘Ah yeah! I’d love it!’
‘Great!’ James pushes past, putting a hand on Daring’s shoulder. ‘She’s all yours. Dash, call me when you are heading to dinner.’
Daring growls at the man walking away from her. She turns back to the room and is immediately confronted by Rainbow Dash’s smiling face.
‘So where are we going first?’
James grumbles to himself as he comes out of his TARDIS and locks the door.
‘Solar PVs? Really? You would think I would be more original. Then again, electricity from the sun could be an indirect joke at stealing her powers...’ He laughs. ‘Oh. I am clever.’
He turns around and stops at the gun in his face.
‘Obviously not that clever,’ a feminine voice replies.
The person behind the gun comes into the light. She is a striking woman with long silver hair and a very smug grin. James sighs and relaxes.
‘Oh. It is just you, Trixie.’ A thought hits him. ‘Wait. She’s not in her eighties. Amelia? No, she would have shot me now just for implying that...’
‘I have no idea who that Trixie or Amelia are. They sound like wonderful people, though. No! I am The Beautiful and Wonderful Victoria!’
Victoria poses dramatically, with her hands in the air. James calmly walks past, taking the magazine from the gun and ejecting the chambered round as he goes.
‘I am definitely believing ego is a genetic thing now,’ he mumbles.
‘What? Hey! Stop it! I am trying to capture you!’
‘Not doing a good job!’ James shouts from the other end of the quad.
‘Get back here! Vicki demands it!’
Vicki screams and throws down her gun.
James sits with Rainbow Dash and Daring Do at a table in a fancy restaurant. Daring has a large prawn in her mouth when the third member of the party arrives.
James sighs he checks out the menu. ‘You guys order yet?’
Daring shakes her head, causing the prawn tail to shake.
‘Not yet,’ Rainbow answers. ‘Just these appetizers.’
‘Good. Good. So, I picked you out a change of clothes. Also, Trixie’s grandmother tried kidnapping me. I left the clothes at the hotel. I hope I got the right size.’
‘Damn it!’ Dash swears. ‘What is with that family? First, she made fun of me when we first met. Then, her mother made fun of me when we were at Lyra’s place. Now, her grandmother is trying to ruin my adventure.’
‘Yeah. And me getting a gun in my face is totally not important.’ He groans. ‘I should have just let Vicki take me just to make you jealous of that, too.
Rainbow Dash pouts. ‘I might not have been jealous. Maybe.’
Daring swallows her prawn. ‘I don’t know who this Trixie is, but I know Vicki. She is harmless. She’s a bit of a klutz and has short fingers, but she can get the job done.’
James raises an eyebrow. ‘By job, why do I assume that you don’t mean kidnapping people? Also, I thought her whole family were performers. Why is Vicki out kidnapping people?’
‘She has debts. She doesn’t get enough gigs to pay them off so she rents her celebrity to various groups that need a pretty distraction.’ Daring stuffs another prawn in her mouth. ‘If shtheeth thear, then troful ith thur toth thollow.’ She swallows. ‘So good.’
‘I am so glad you leave your eating habits out of the books,’ James groans.
‘Whath wrong wif ther habith?’ Dash says, spitting prawn bits.
The next day. James, Rainbow Dash and Daring attend a reception for the gathering scientists. Rainbow dashes from server to server to try each of the appetizers. James makes his way around the room with Daring hanging on his arm. She insists it is for security purposes. He finds a group of chatting scientists and listens in.
‘... Creating new particles from pure energy is sheer madness. It violates all known laws of science,’ a gruff scientist states.
The others nod in agreement. James groans.
‘It might seem to violate classical physics, but it is perfectly justifiable in relativity and quantum mechanics,’ James corrects. ‘Hell, pull a quark from a baryon and QCD quickly spawns new ones to take its place.’
The scientists stare at the physicist in shock.
‘Sir, are you suggesting that the new physics is somehow better than what we use now?’
‘Not really better. More accurate is a’ -- he laughs -- ‘more accurate term.’
‘It makes no sense! The twin paradox...’
‘Is perfectly understandable if you take into account the fact you have to turn the spaceship around. General rel, man! It is just tensor algebra.’
‘You can’t be serious about spontaneous particle production.’
‘Zero-point energy is perfectly solvable. Besides, haven’t you ever observed an electron-positron annihilation? Two particles come in and two gammas come out.’ He holds his hands up defensively. ‘I know, I know. Photons are particles too, but you are going from leptons to carrier particles. Just follow your Feynman diagrams and everything works out perfect.’
The gruff scientist snorts. ‘Just who do you think you are?’
James smirks. ‘Guest of honor.’
The scientist turns away and goes back to his audience. James sighs and continues around the room. Daring giggles.
‘It is good being on the outside of one of those arguments for once. I have been arguing for years that Celestia is centuries old.’
‘You don’t know the half of it.’ James looks around the room. ‘I know I am speaking from a higher position than I should, but this is like looking at the dark ages of modern science. There is so much happening all at once, but the biggest innovators are being treated like heretics. The new science will eventually win but seeing the clashes firsthand... This is one of the reasons why I left. Too much stagnation. You have to get out there and try new things once and awhile. Meet new people. Eat strange foods. Grip a little tighter and slightly higher up if you are trying to mimic Daring, Vicki.’
‘What?’ Vicki squeaks. ‘How did you know?’
‘One, Daring is definitely more aggressive than you. Two, she has longer fingers. Three, I smelled the bacon-wrapped shrimp long before she and Dash spotted the plate.’
‘Hmpf! It doesn’t change the fact that I have you now. Come with me.’
James keeps walking, but away from the exits. Vicki tries pulling his arm.
‘I said come! Don’t make me force you.’
‘Now you sound like Daring,’ James groans as he stops. ‘Vicki. We are one step from the dance floor. You go for that knife in your nylons, I sweep you off your feet. ... Literally. I am a bad dancer.’
The woman growls and tightens her grip on the man’s arm. ‘You are so infuriating.’
‘So I’ve been told. Who are you working for? Why do they want me?’
‘I cannot tell you. Do you think my allegiances can be so easily swayed?’
‘You would think someone tasked to kidnap a person would at least be told why she was hired. Are you happy being in debt to a cruel master?’
‘How do you..?’ She shakes her head. ‘No, I do not like my debts but working with him has brought me plenty of fame. Once I am free, all of the production companies will be begging for my stardom.’
‘Meaning: that welt you got a couple days ago was because you were begging to be free to accept an option for a career-making film.’
Vicki slaps James. ‘Do you think you know me! You are as bad as he is!’
The woman turns to storm away, but her hand is caught.
‘You are a free woman. You didn’t take crap from me. You don’t have to take it from him.’
Vicki pulls her hand free and pushes out of the hall. Daring walks over with a plate of food.
‘Wow. I haven’t seen her that upset since... Well, let’s just say she had less clothes.’
‘She just told me everything I needed to know, except for who is pulling her strings.’
‘Neat. Usually I have to...’
‘I can guess,’ James groans.
‘Why guess when I can show you?’
‘I have several girlfriends who will be quite upset with you if you try. One in particular would literally burst into flames.’
Daring runs a finger up James’ chest. ‘Well, I am quite good at keeping secrets, Mr Wanderer.’
‘I will make you cry if you keep this up.’
Daring slaps James. ‘Lighten up, will you! You have been a stick in the mud since you showed up. It wouldn't kill you to lighten up for one moment.’
Daring stomps away towards the bar. Rainbow Dash comes over and shrugs at her friend.
‘Seems you’re losing your touch with the ladies, Jimmy.’ She looks around. ‘Any chance you can do what you have been doing on Twilight. I ask for a friend.’
James takes a deep breath and groans. ‘I have been a bit of an ass, haven’t I?’ He closes his eyes. ‘Think. What would be a good way to make it up to her?’
‘You mean aside from sleeping with her? If you can’t think of anything, I’ll take your place. I mean, she is hot!’
‘I think I got it.’
‘What?’
James smirks. ‘Do your reading, Dash. You might learn something.’
James pats his friend’s back and leaves to find Daring.
Daring sits in her office. The room is filled with papers, books, journals, mail and artefacts. Sticking from the waste bin is a copy of the last manuscript she sent to her editor. A bottle of liqueur and a gun sits on her desk. A whirring is heard outside her door. She grabs the gun and aims, just as James pushes the door open. She sighs and sets down the gun. The man slips a cylindrical object into his pocket.
‘Pretty weak defence if you just have one bullet in the gun.’
‘I just need one in this case.’
James pulls a scroll from his pocket and sets it on the desk. ‘Peace offering.’
‘What is it?’
‘An ancient starmap. You can have it. I have a few.’
Daring examines the scroll. ‘This has to be hundreds of years old, but it looks new. Where did you get it?’
‘Nicked it from Celestia a while back. She was being a real pain about her sister, and that was one of the props I used as an example of all of the good she once did.’ He smiles. ‘Her guards had to keep her from biting my face off. Good times.’
Daring stares at the strange man before her. She shakes her head. ‘No. This is not enough.’
James groans. ‘I know, but I won’t give in. I am faithful.’
‘Then I guess we are at an impasse.’
‘Not really. I convinced the organizers that Celestia okayed having an open bar.’
Daring lifts her gun again. ‘And you are in my way.’
James laughs and moves out of the archaeologist’s way.
The Tired Physicist returns to his hotel room after a long day of meeting and correcting scientists from his distant past. The day was made easier after Daring Do left him for the open bar, but her lack of presence is troubling. He sonics the lock and pushes the door open. He instantly screams and slams the door shut again.
‘You could at least put a sock on the door or something!’
The Embarrassed Physicist groans and goes to find something to eat.
Daring Do enters the hotel bar. She scans the room and find James sitting at the bar drinking a soda from the bottle. She smiles and takes a seat next to him. He blows bubbles in his drink as he takes a sip.
‘You know, one usually knocks,’ Daring jokes.
‘Sock. On door. How hard is that?’
Daring laughs. ‘Sorry. We just got a little carried away thanks to the booze.’ She laughs again. ‘In case you ever wondered, the carpet matches the drapes.’
James nearly spits his drink out. ‘I never wondered nor did I want to find out.’
‘Seriously? She is really attractive. How have you not even fantasized about hitting that?’ She stops the bartender. ‘Give me one of what he’s having. Freshen his, too.’
The bartender opens and sets a pair of sodas on the bar. James sighs and finishes his current drink.
‘Miss Do, how many times do I have to tell you that I have several girls waiting for me back home?’
‘You’re just being a stick in the mud. How many times do I have to tell you to lighten up?’
Both adults take a drink of their sodas.
‘Last time I was asked to speak at a conference, I was kidnapped and nearly killed. This time, it is nearly both.’
‘See! That is why you need me. Someone’s gotta watch your ass.’
‘Vicki got to me this afternoon because you were chasing snacks.’
‘Pfft! Told you, she is harmless. I’m watching for the big boss. I think it is a foreign power wanting to weaponize your energy solution.’
‘Ugh. Where is the internet when I need it? I’d just post it in the right places and everyone would get unlimited electricity for minimal investment.’
‘The hell’s an internet?’
James sips his drink. ‘Something your grandkids will love, your kids will try to destroy and you will never understand.’
Daring snorts. ‘I have seen things you wouldn’t believe. Try me.’
‘Okay.’ James finishes his drink and orders another one. ‘Imagine a global information exchange. Anyone in the world can be connected to everyone at the same time. The truest definition of freedom.’
‘Sorta like a giant radio exchange. Cool. I’d love to see it. I guess it is my turn.’
‘Whatevs.’
Daring gets another soda. ‘The original palace and The Elements of Harmony. Found it deep in the Everfree Forest. Had to escape the Shadowbolts just to get out alive.’
‘Rainbow’s Loyalty. Nice try, though.’ James thinks. ‘Ah! Video games. Electronic entertainment where you can play as anyone and do anything. People can even be you if they want.’
‘Sounds like Nightmare Night to me.’ She thinks. ‘Fought a dark wizard of Discord who used magic stones to rip people’s still-beating hearts out of their chests. Scary.’ She puts her hand to her chest. ‘Really scary.’
‘Cybermen. Mechanical shells with living brains.’
‘Found the Golden Scootaloo. Got a little help (and a lot of relief) from Vicki on that adventure too.’
James gets out his mobile and sets it on the bar. ‘Checkmate.’
Daring picks up the device. ‘What is..?’ She touches the screen. A list of all of the available apps appears before her. ‘A portable telephone, record player, movie theater, radio, library and that internet thing? Fascinating.’ She sets it back down. She rummages in a pocket and sets a wad of fabric on the bar. ‘Careful with those. I nearly died getting them.’
‘What the..?’ He picks up the fabric and turns bright red.
A sun crest on a pair of panties greets The Shocked Physicist. Daring smirks at the frozen man.
‘Celestia’s own,’ Daring brags. She takes the panties and stuffs them back into a pocket. ‘Your toy was nice, but these will fetch millions on the black market. Not that I am ever going to give them up...’
James takes a long drink. ‘Snogged her.’
‘What!’
‘Twice. Then she threw me on the bed and tried doing what you want to do. Came a lot closer than you will.’
‘Lies!’
James looks over and smirks. ‘Really?’
Daring looks into the man’s eyes and sighs. ‘Fine. Whatevs, as you say. Just wish I had proof of me and Chryssy... She’s a queen, you know.’
‘I am sure you had plenty of queens.’
The archaeologist snorts and goes back to her drink.
James finishes his and gets up. ‘Think Dash has had enough time to shower and get decent?’
‘Only one way to find out.’
‘Right.’ James activates his mobile. ‘Dash? You dressed? Well, you have until I get back to the room. Bye.’
‘Can I get one of those?’
‘Maybe in another sixty years if you are still around.’ He walks away from the bar. ‘See ya tomorrow.’
‘Right... If I am still around...’ She looks up. ‘Vodka, and leave the bottle.’
James steps out of the shower, screams and goes back in.
‘Hey, sexy,’ Daring greets.
‘Get the hell out of here!’
‘Sorry,’ she smirks. ‘Looks like you were glad to see me, though.’
‘OUT!’
Daring laughs to herself and steps out of the washroom. James fumes and finds his towel.
‘What the hell is wrong with you!’
Daring leans against the door. ‘Miss Dash was playing a game of basketball with some students when I found her this morning. She let me borrow her key. Just felt like surprising you.’
James throws the door and storms past.
‘You are the most immature, sex-obsessed, pervert I have ever encountered. Even my daughter is mellower than you.’
‘Is she cute?’
James stops and turns to face Daring. ‘Don’t ever say that again. She is just fifteen. If you even mention her again, no matter the context, I will make you regret ever being born.’
‘Sheesh. Fine.’
James growls and starts gathering his clothes to dress in the washroom.
‘I was quite impressed, you know,’ Daring comments.
The washroom door opens, and a bar of soap hits the archaeologist in the head.
‘If you do anything sexual towards me today, so help me...’
Daring sighs. ‘Fine. Ruin all of my fun.’ She flops onto one of the beds. ‘I’m sorry, okay? I was just messing around.’
James returns to the room, dressed in a sharp suit. He looks at his escort, adjusts his glasses and walks out of the room.
‘You look handsome.’
‘Daring, I am going to be mad at you today. Please don’t give me a reason to find Vicki so I can get away from you.’
‘I am really...’
‘Daring. No. Just no.’
Daring groans and follows her charge to the conference.
James and Rainbow Dash work on setting up a ballroom before his big presentation. Rainbow Dash tests a projector while James types on his laptop.
‘Ya sure something like this will work?’ Dash asks.
‘I was really bored during that talk on new supernovae discoveries and the possibility of an expanding universe, so I wrote most of my presentation then. Just finishing up.’
‘Yeah, but HD projector and laptop? Think they won’t ask you about those instead?’
‘Dash, I am going to be telling them about technology that uses elements and materials that haven’t been made yet and processes backed up by mathematics that haven’t been invented yet. The plan is to take the whole time so they don’t ask any questions.’
‘Ugh. One of the boring, Twilight-like lectures. I usually sleep through those until it is my turn to talk again.’
James lowers his mobile. ‘You are definitely making a winning case.’
Rainbow Dash huffs and plays with the projector. ‘No wonder Daring hates you.’
The athlete presses a button and a holographic display appears over the projector.
‘She hates me?’ James asks.
‘You were all she talked about when we were drinking last night. She sounded upset.’
‘She is only upset because she hasn’t gotten to do to me what she did to you.’
‘You’d love it. All I’m going to say about that.’
James sighs and stops typing. ‘She really doesn’t like me?’
‘Well... I don’t know. She was upset last night, yeah, but I was pretty thrashed, too, so my memory is a little fuzzy between the bar and the bedroom.’
‘Geez. I really wouldn’t blame her, though. I have been kind of a jerk.’
‘Kinda a jerk? The way you have acted towards her makes Celestia and Discord look like you and Twilight.’
‘Thanks, Dash.’ He gives a long sigh. ‘I’ll make it up to her after the presentation.’
‘Yeah, that might work on Twilight or Fluttershy or any of the others, but it ain’t workin’ now. You’re going to find her and apologize for being a dick.’
‘On that topic, she did walk in on me in the shower this morning. I have a reason to be pissed.’
‘I heard about that. Heard she liked what she saw.’
‘Even more of a reason for me to be mad.’
‘That was a compliment, you dope!’
‘If I ambushed you in the shower..?’
Rainbow Dash shrugs. ‘I don’t know. Heard Shy is into that. Might be hot.’
‘Ugh! Whatever.’ James closes his laptop. ‘I’m done. I’m going to the room to rest. Don’t let anyone in before the scheduled time.’
‘Can I use your computer?’
‘If you can guess the password.’
‘Twilight Sparkle. Easy.’
James points his sonic at the laptop. ‘If you can guess the new password.’
‘What is Rei’s last name again?’
A Japanese dictionary is tossed at the woman as James leaves the room.
The Nervous Physicist takes a few deep breaths to calm himself as he makes his way back to his hotel room. A nice quiet nap is all he... Why is Daring Do in her underwear and posing on his bed?
‘Not who I was expecting, but it’ll do.’
James rubs his temples. ‘No open bar today. What are you doing here? I think I know who you were looking for...’
‘No, no. You’ll do fine.’
‘Daring. Get out. Now. Don’t even dress. Just leave. I don’t want to deal with you right now.’
Daring pulls up her pants. ‘Sorry about just now. I really didn’t mean it.’
‘Yeah. I know. Just.... Why? Why are you so obsessed? What do you get from it?’
‘I don’t know. I like the rush I guess. It is like adventuring. I just like feeling alive. Even if it is for one brief moment.’
‘You live for the rush, huh? Knew Dash would get along well with you. Where we’re from, she is always doing something to keep the blood pumping.’
‘It is not really the same thing,’ Daring sighs. ‘She is doing it for fun. I am doing it...’
The archaeologist stares at the man for a moment then looks away and shakes her head. James goes to the woman and tries looking in her eyes.
‘What’s bothering you? I can keep a secret. Trust me. After tonight, you will never see me again.’
‘I wish you didn’t mean that. You’re going to try sneaking out without a goodbye kiss.’
‘Yeah, because the welcome kiss was so needed.’
‘That was the only time I felt any affection from you!’ Daring screams. ‘Why do you hate me? What is wrong with my body? Why can’t you love me?’
‘I have several women chasing me already! I keep telling you that!’
‘So! It doesn’t matter if you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife. It is just sex! Stupid, meaningless sex! … Just the only time I feel connected to someone... anyone...’
‘But you’re Daring Do. The greatest adventurer that will ever live. There has to be someone on this planet you are close to.’
‘I have no one. I am so alone. I started adventuring to get away from the loneliness. The short thrill was just an escape.’
‘Don’t say that. I am sure there is someone out there for you.’
‘I am thirty years old and have never been on a proper date in my life. You have no idea what that is like.’
‘I know that feeling ten times over. I know it feels bad, but someone as strong and confident as you can find someone she likes.’
‘I like you.’
‘Anyone except me.’
Daring hits James in the chest. ‘You are the only person to reject me. Stop it! Just take me now! Do whatever you want to me! Just stop rejecting me!’
‘No! I can’t. I won’t. I have someone who is too dear to me that would hate me forever if I did.’
‘You ass...’
Daring hits James again and starts sobbing. The Sympathetic Physicist sighs and comforts the woman.
‘That special person... She never thought she would find someone she likes. She just happened to stumble into my life. She is the one I care for more than anyone else, even myself.’
‘You’re an ass for telling me that.’
‘I am trying to say, in my own awkward way, that if someone like her can happen into love... If someone as horrible as I can find true love, the great Daring Do can find real love too.’
Daring leans against James. ‘You’re not horrible.’
‘I’ll chalk that lie up to your emotions.’
Daring sighs and returns the embrace she is receiving. After a silence, she whispers, ‘Do you know why I have only one bullet in my office gun?’
James closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and hugs tighter. ‘I can guess.’
‘That is where I want to be found. Surrounded by all of that history. Perfect place to become history.’
‘I’d sooner take that bullet for you than let my friend waste her life.’
‘You actually called me a friend.’
Daring grips tighter and sobs again. James takes another deep breath. Just in time to ruin the somber moment, the door is kicked in and several large men barge in. They aim guns at the two occupants.
‘Come with us, please.’
‘I appreciate you asking nicely, but we are having a bit of a moment here,’ James replies.
The lead man presses his gun against the back of James’ head then moves it to point at Daring. ‘Boss just wants you. Said nothing about a girl.’
James groans and raises his hands. Daring lets go and does the same. They are forced from the room. In the hallway, Vicki watches as the men escort their prisoners away. James looks back and shakes his head. Vicki reaches for the others but stops. She drops her head and follows the group down the hallway.
The blindfold covering James is removed revealing a large laboratory. He looks around to get his bearings. Beside him, a despondent Daring Do stares at the ground. They have several armed guards surrounding them. A group of scientists work on the far side of the laboratory.
‘Yep. This is more my kind of physics conference.’
A well-dressed man enters the room followed closely by Vicki.
‘... I don’t care!’ the man yells. ‘You failed. Your debt is increased due to all of the time you wasted.’
‘That is not fair! I did what you asked! That has to be worth something!’
‘You are lucky I don’t have you shipped back west to work as a cocktail waitress. Now get out of here!’
Vicki flinches and backs away.
‘Come on. She was just doing her job,’ James groans. ‘Let her stay.’
‘Fine. Anything for our honored guest,’ the man grumbles.
Vicki stops and gives a weak smile to the captives. The man paces in front of James and Daring, taking them in. He stops in front of James and smiles.
‘Reginald Skybound of Skybound Industries. It is a pleasure.’
James groans, ‘Great. Another Skybound.’
‘Have we met before?’
‘No, but I have had dealings with your company before.’
‘All good, I hope.’
‘Depends on your definition of “good”.’
Skybound shrugs. ‘You have to break a few eggs... Anyway, do you know why you are here?’
‘There is no way you can weaponize my energy source... except if it is a solar-powered death ray.’ He stops to think. ‘Hmm. Green. Deadly. Less gamma radiation than the Incredible Hulk. I’ll do it!’
‘You’re an ass,’ Daring moans.
‘Weapons? How droll. No. I am a businessman. I am going monetize the hell out of it.’
‘Ugh. Businessmen. Worse than dark wizards,’ Daring snorts.
‘You just lack vision, Miss Do. I own land. I own manufacturing.’ He glances back at Vicki. ‘I own people.’ He walks around the room. ‘My father started this company as a small-time construction firm. I took it national. I literally built a city out of the desert. We expanded beyond that. We make everything anyone would want. With his new energy source, we can tap a whole new market of cheap energy on demand. We will become the power switch to the nation. All of your land, electricity and products will have my name on them. I will control the country, and you will pay me to do so.’
‘The pursuit of money will only get you so far. One day, it will all come toppling down. Once the princess is aware of your schemes...’
‘Oh. We are preparing for that. I have top men working on it.’
James scoffs. ‘Top men? They are doing it all wrong.’ He shouts to the scientists, ‘Nice try! Try an element that might actually work!’
Skybound laughs. ‘Good thing we have you here. You can help them once you are finished giving us the designs for your new energy source.’ He nods to his men. ‘And we have incentive.’
James hears the sounds of guns being readied beside him. ‘I have a few conditions.’
‘It is only fair.’
‘First, nothing happens to Daring. She is to remain safe this entire time.’
‘Done.’
‘Second, I am going to need some supplies from my companion. Can I get a piece of paper to write her a note?’
Skybound sighs. He waves a henchman over to unbind James and give him the paper. James quickly scribbles a note, but he crumples it up and starts over.
‘That was all wrong. Here is what I really need.’
Skybound reads the note. ‘Get it for him. Doesn’t look like anything dangerous. Anything else?’
‘Finally, Vicki is free.’
‘What?’
‘Tear up her contract right now or I will not even get started.’
‘What does she matter? She tried kidnapping you and failed miserably at it.’
‘Do you think we would have been kidnapped if she hadn’t used her acting skills to distract me and Daring from your goons? We would not be here right now if not for Vicki.’
Skybound groans. ‘It is your stupid wish. It will be done. She will be free to pursue her career elsewhere. Now, get to work. We’ll hold on to Daring until you are done.’
Before Daring can complain, her mouth is gagged, and she is carried away. A henchman unties James’ legs, and he stands. Skybound motions to the other scientists. The Unbound Physicist sighs and walks over, plucking his glasses from Vicki’s pocket as he goes.
‘Now, let’s actually see what you were doing wrong...’ James studies the equations written down. ‘Oh, no. No. No! You got this going all wrong! First of all, you are using too light an element. You need something heavier, like plutonium. Second, you need to fire it at great speeds. Something like... Oh... Twilight is going to kill me when she hears what I just realized.’ He pats the nearest scientist on the back. ‘Well! Good luck! It’ll take you sixty years, but you’ll get it!’ The sound of the bullet being chambered gets him to stop. ‘Uh... SO! Who knows anything about transistors and PV cells?’
Rainbow dashes back to the hotel room to find James. He is running late for his presentation, and she cannot stall any longer. She rounds a corner to their hallway then instantly rounds back. She peeks down the hall to see a pair of large men outside their hotel room door. She draws her own conclusions about why the men are there, spins around the corner and runs.
The first man turns in time to receive a knee to the face. The second man reaches for his gun, but Rainbow Dash grabs his shoulders as she lands and headbutts him. The short woman lands a little woozy, but standing over two men, both much larger than she is and unconscious.
‘You’re coming with us,’ a man’s voice says from inside the hotel room.
Rainbow Dash looks and puts her hands up at the sight of a drawn gun.
The man holds out James’ note. ‘Your boss said to give you this. You need to get what is on it and come with us.’
Rainbow Dash reaches for the note. As she is about to grab the paper, she knocks the gun aside. She knees the man in the stomach then kicks his face while he is doubled over. She snatches the note as it falls.
‘Ha! AJ’s boxing ain’t got nothing on my kung fu.’
She reads the note, but the instructions make no sense. That is when she feels bumps on the paper. She looks around the room and finds a pencil. She sketches over the paper to reveal a hidden message in the indentations.
Dash, get to the ship. Its sensors should detect this message and allow you to enter. It will do everything from there. Daring and Vicki are fine. They are with me. It is safe. Hey, you thought Trixie’s family was bad? We got Skybound’s ancestor as the main villain this round. Oh! Gotta go. They are getting suspicious. Don’t bring a gun or I will be cross. Best, James. PS: Holy cow! You were right about Daring’s body! … PPS: The TARDIS should destroy the note, so if you will kindly not tell Twilight when we get back...
Rainbow Dash sighs, puts the note in her pocket and runs out of the room.
James gets shoved into a cell by one of Skybound’s henchmen. The door is slammed and locked behind him. He looks around and taps a wall.
‘Daring? That you?’
‘Go to hell, collaborator!’
‘Good to hear your voice. How have they been treating you?’
‘I’ve been locked in this dank cell while you have been out there laughing it up and having fun with your new friends.’
‘Don’t worry. Dash is on her way. They found the men they sent to retrieve her, and the note was gone. She should be here soon.’
James’ cell door unlocks. Vicki steps into the room and closes the door behind her.
‘One little girl versus all of Skybound’s organization? You have high hopes.’
James smiles. ‘One little girl was all it took last time.’
‘I should turn you in for plotting an escape.’
‘Do you really want to go crawling back to him?’
Vicki crosses her arms. ‘Why did you save me? I have brought you nothing but trouble.’
‘As far as I can tell, you are Daring’s friend.’ A laugh comes from the next cell. ‘She really enjoys your company.’ A groan comes from the next cell. ‘See how pleased she is about you just being here.’
‘Jackass!’ Daring shouts.
‘And any friend of Daring’s is a friend of mine. Also, your granddaughter is dating a guy I am sorta mentoring so it would be good if you got out there and had children.’
Vicki is confused. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Just remember, when you are a famous performer, keep in touch with Daring. It will mean a lot to both of us.’
‘Why did you really stick up for me? Be honest.’
James takes a deep breath. ‘I didn’t like seeing you suffer under Skybound. You are too good a person and have too bright a future to waste with him. All of that about Daring needing a friend is true, too.’
‘Lies!’
‘Who are you? Really?’ Vicki asks. ‘I saw inside your box thing when we first met. You seem to know everything about everyone. And then there are these.’ She holds out James’ mobile and sonic. ‘What are these?’
James grins. ‘Can I have those back?’
‘First answer my questions.’
‘I am The Wandering Physicist. A time traveller. I came here with my friend Rainbow Dash to meet her idol, Daring Do. Thanks to some previous and future tampering, Celestia somehow knew to trap me with this convention, resulting in this fiasco of an adventure.’
Vicki quickly writes everything down. ‘I am so using this...’
‘I already gave Daring the rights to the book. Sorry. Maybe they will make a movie about it some day.’
Vicki snorts. ‘They better!’
James holds out his hands. The upset woman returns the technology.
‘Are you coming with us or do you have your own way out?’
‘I have secreted many things from all of Skybound’s holdings. Escape is a mere parlor trick compared to what I am truly capable of.’
‘Yep. Ego is genetic. Go to the door at the far end of the hall. Dash should let you in.’
‘What are you..?’
James walks out of the cell and sonics the lock on Daring’s cell. He swings the door open and holds a hand toward the encaged woman.
‘M’lady.’
‘Bite me,’ Daring snarls. ‘What is that thing?’
‘What does it look like?’
Daring glances below James’ belt. ‘It looks about one-eighth scale.’
‘It is a screwdriver!’
‘From what I have seen, yes, yes it is.’
‘Are you coming or not?’
Daring snorts. ‘I would continue our playful banter, but I am serious when I ask if that is a trick question.’
‘We are trying to rescue you.’
‘From your buddy? No thanks.’
‘I didn’t give him any useful information and may have inadvertently destroyed a file cabinet...’
‘What?’
‘There was a couple live wires and some loose papers and maybe I dropped a container of methane nearby... but that is not important. We’re leaving.’
‘Go to hell! I hate you!’
‘Not even Rei is this stubborn...’
James marches over and lifts Daring. She screams as he throws her over his shoulder. He flinches with every kick and punch.
Vicki sighs then laughs at the scene. ‘She was the same way when I told her I would distract the guards so she could retrieve the idol and escape. … Only, she had a lot less...’
‘I know!’ James shouts. ‘Dash! Little help? My hands are full.’
A door down the hall opens. Rainbow Dash leans out and motions the others in.
‘I think it is about to hit the fan out there,’ the athlete comments once the others are on board. ‘Looks like the military is storming the place.’
‘Yeah. We’re going to have to do something about that...’
James sets Daring down and goes to the console. The archaeologist and performer stare in awe at the ship.
‘Ooo. I love this trick,’ Vicki muses.
‘B-b-b-bigger on the inside,’ Daring gapes.
‘Oh please,’ the performer groans. ‘Don’t give him any more ammo to use against you. Excuse me! Mr Alien? May I look around?’
‘Nope!’ James replies. ‘Just sit back and wait.’
The woman snorts and finds a place to sit. She lands on a starry cape. She smirks and quickly ties it around her before anyone notices. Daring remains staring in shock. The TARDIS powers down soon after the passengers are settled. James and Rainbow Dash turn towards the doors. The man stops to lift Daring again before all four people leave. They are confronted by several automatic rifles aimed at their faces.
‘Who are you? How did you get in here?’ a man in a military uniform demands.
‘Lieutenant Lethbridge-Stewart, I presume?’ James says.
‘Who are you?’
‘No, that is the other guy. You know who I am.’
‘You’re the one the princess ordered us to watch?’
‘There we go!’ James turns to Rainbow Dash. ‘This is what we get without Shining, am I right?’
‘Barely a looker, too.’
James fist bumps Rainbow Dash and turns back to the angry soldier. ‘Now! Lieutenant, I need you to keep an eye on me and Miss Do here. Well, more precisely, us at the hotel.’
‘But you are here now.’
‘Technically, yes, but the us you are ordered to watch are at the hotel. We are about to get kidnapped in about thirty minutes, and we need you to follow us. It is not that complicated if you don’t think about it.’
‘We’ll have to check out what you are saying.’
‘Oh for crying out...’ James sets Daring down and activates his mobile. ‘Hey, Celi. It is me. I need you to order the soldiers you have spying on me to follow the me and Daring at the hotel and not the ones currently standing in front of him. … Celi, this is me. I knew. Oh! Daring got a little peek earlier today and ended up laying on my bed in her underwear. Jealous?’
James grins and holds his mobile away from his head.
‘I AM NOT JEALOUS!’ Celestia screams over the phone. ‘Lieutenant!’
‘Yes, mum?’
‘Do what he says! Follow the him at the hotel!’
‘Yes, mum.’
‘Thanks, Celi! Love!’
James ends the call and smiles. The lieutenant snorts and adjusts his uniform.
‘Men. We have our orders. Move out.’
The soldiers salute and start deploying.
‘Great! I have a talk to get ready for.’ James turns to the others. ‘Who’s hungry?’
James and Rainbow Dash say their farewells to their adventure partners. Vicki helps them load the projector in what is surely not an excuse to peek back into the TARDIS. Daring and Rainbow Dash exchange a hug.
‘I am going to miss you, Daring. You were so awesome!’
‘Thanks, Miss Dash. It was a pleasure meeting you too.’
‘Excuse me,’ Vicki interrupts. ‘Once I have this onboard, where...’
‘Just in the doorway is fine,’ James finishes.
The woman snorts and joins her friend with the others, her new cape flapping around her. Daring steps over to James. They stare at each other for a moment. Daring puts a hand out.
‘It was nice meeting you, sir.’
James returns the handshake. ‘The pleasure was mine, madam.’ He pulls her close and whispers, ‘Listen... If you are ever feeling hopelessly lonely and really think you might actually do that... call me first and I’ll be there to help you.’
‘How do I reach you?’
‘Just call. I’ll hear it.’
‘Thank you.’
James gives Daring a quick kiss on the cheek. ‘No, thank you.’
The Compassionate Physicist turns back towards his ship, but Daring taps his shoulder. He turns and she throws herself on him in a passionate kiss.
Rainbow Dash cackles as she films the scene on her mobile. ‘Twilight will love seeing this.’
‘And then, and then, after we saved Vicki, I beat up like twenty guards!’ Rainbow Dash brags.
Her friends sigh and nod along with the story. Twilight facehoofs the entire time. Everypony has gathered at the library for a birthday party for Rainbow Dash. The pegasus is sharing the adventure she had with James and Daring Do.
‘Then we met this prissy general dude, I think he was a brigadier or something, and...’
‘Rainbow. Enough,’ Twilight groans. ‘We know you had a fun time on your trip with James, but you have been ripping off Daring Do for the past hour!’
‘Nuh uh! All of that is true!’
The alicorn levitates a book to her friend. ‘Daring Do and The Enigmatic Scientist. You have been telling us most of the plot.’
‘Spoilers!’ the pegasus cries. ‘I haven’t gotten to that one yet. ‘Sides, what’s “enigmatic” mean?’
‘You know dark, mysterious, hidden...’
‘Wandering,’ Rarity adds.
Rainbow Dash stares at the cover until something in her clicks. She rifles through the book. ‘She ripped off my adventure!’ She flips several more pages. ‘She even took out all of the sex scenes!’
The five other ponies cringe at the statement. Rarity is the first to recover.
‘You could always fill us in on those.’
The others glare at the mare.
‘Privately, of course.’
‘Wait minute,’ Applejack speaks up. ‘If Ah remember right, the ways she talks about the scientist in that there book...’
‘Oh! You mean the love of her life,’ Fluttershy adds. She sighs. ‘It really takes away from the story. Feels like it was fluff added only to draw more teenage fillies into the series. If it wasn’t for the kidnapping subplot, I would have skipped it and gone to the next one.’
Pinkie holds up her two front hooves, then she holds up two more, then two more. A lightbulb appears over her head. ‘OH!’
‘We all get it, Pinkie,’ Twilight groans. ‘We know who Daring was writing about.’
‘So in the scene where they end up sharing a bed together while she is protecting him...’
‘Yes, Pinkie. It is all fiction.’
‘And when Dashie said that she...’
‘Yes! I am fine with the kiss!’
‘I meant the shower.’
Twilight glares at her friend, eye twitching. ‘Excuse me for a moment.’
Twilight steps into the basement and swears as loud as she can. The others watch the basement door, waiting for their friend to return. Rarity looks back at Rainbow Dash.
‘So... Those certain scenes of interest...’
After Rainbow Dash’s party, Twilight trots to her room, having finished cleaning up. She sighs and closes the door behind her. Spike is already curled up in his basket. Twilight starts brushing her mane.
‘So, how much of that was true?’ Twilight muses.
‘Anything in her story that matches the book,’ James replies from his position by her door. ‘Except for the sex stuff, but you were downstairs for that, and I was out of the room.’
‘Did she and Daring Do really..?’
‘According to both of them...’
‘Geez, Rainbow,’ Twilight mutters to herself.
‘She is almost done with the series, isn’t she?’
Twilight sets down her brush. ‘She is a couple away from that book, and that is the beginning of the end. I just hope she doesn’t look up her later years.’
‘What later years?’
Twilight cringes. ‘She is going to be so crushed. Her hero. Doing that. It is so...’
James trots over and gives Twilight a hug. ‘Try not to think about it. It is all ancient history now.’
‘I just can’t help but worry for my friend when she finds out.’
‘Look at it this way, she might be too upset about the last book to even care.’
Twilight shudders. ‘Damn refrigerator.’
James kisses Twilight’s forehead. ‘Get some rest. Things like this always have a way of working out.’
‘James... In the book, the scientist rejects her because he...’
‘Who do you think it is?’
Twilight blushes. ‘I love you, too.’
The couple kisses, and James slips out of the room. Twilight sighs and continues getting ready for bed.
Bonus scene! Read if you intend to read any stories after this one!