//------------------------------// // Chapter 31 // Story: The Perilous Gestation of Swans // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Keeping his head low, Gosling followed along after Luna and could not for the life of him figure out why they were creeping along like sneaky thieves. She had been in a dreadful mood earlier, but was now filled with an almost manic state of joy. Waxing and waning, Gosling thought to himself as he kept pace behind her. At least the issue with her sister seemed to be sorted out—for now—though he was positive that others would come along later. The door for Celestia’s private chambers was just ahead; Gosling still thought of them as Celestia’s private chambers even though he shared them and it was so very hard to intrude into them after she had lived in them for hundreds of years. They were unmistakably hers and would continue to be hers long after he had collapsed into dust. “Mine sister can’t stand losing,” Luna said in a thick whisper. “It galls her that she lost to Chrysalis, but if she would have responded with her full power, Canterlot as a city would have ceased to exist. She frets upon that moment.” “Uh-huh.” Gosling nodded and followed after Luna, wondering why they were sneaking. Pausing at the door, Luna’s lips pressed into a concerned pucker for a moment—Gosling felt that they were quite kissable in that state—and her ears drooped with worry. “Come, mine brave prince, and let us see what the Breadnaught has done to mine sister. Be bold, mine boon companion.” With that, Luna pushed open the door. The great white alicorn lay upon her bed in horrendous, uncomfortable repose. It looked as though she had swallowed the sun, or perhaps like she was at the far end of her pregnancy. She lay gasping, heaving, with a look of severe discomfort upon her face. When she saw Luna and Gosling, hope blazed in her eyes and she bellowed, “Belly rubs! Now!” Stiff legged, Luna shook her head from side to side in defiance. “No, dear sister, thou hast done this to thyself. Thou shalt suffer for thine pride, just as We have endured much dolorous discomfort for Ours.” “Hearken unto my pleas, dear sister, and have mercy for mine plight—” “No!” Luna’s refusal sounded a bit grumpy. “It keeps expanding—” “Such are the laws of physics! Didest thou think that you could break them? Didest thou think that these laws would succumb to your comely glory like a suitor seeking to curry your serendipitous favour?” “Begone, thou bratty, flappy-lipped sister!” Celestia cried from the bed. “My little husband, I am in need of belly rubs! Come forth, do your duty, and attend to your princess at once!” “No, mine husband!” Luna put up her wing to stop Gosling from going to Celestia. “Come, mine handsome husband, and let Us be away from this chamber that is soon to be home to the shrieking, howling wind. Mine sister seeks to create a second Tartarus and thou shouldest not be here when yon puckered portal opens to release the demons trapped within! Behold, she shall cast her fewmets upon thine marital bed and soil it forever more!” Gosling looked at Celestia, then at Luna, then back to Celestia, and then to Luna. “I don’t even know what Luna just said, but it scares me.” “Gosling!” Celestia cried in a wavering voice that highlighted her distress. “What wind through yonder puckered portal breaks?” Luna embraced Gosling with her wings, looking somehow both frightened and fierce. “Goodbye, dear sister,” Luna said while she waved with one hoof. There was a flash from Luna’s horn and then she and Gosling were gone, just gone, leaving Celestia all alone. When Gosling found himself in the observatory tower all of a sudden, he was quite startled. Luna was still hugging him and he found himself leaning into her, seeking reassurance. The sudden change of scenery had left him quite unsettled and perhaps just a tiny bit spooked, though he would never admit it. Luna was giggling and she seemed to quiver with happiness. “It has been a long time since We… the two of Us... could laugh and play like this,” Luna remarked as she pulled away from Gosling, and her eyes glittered with emotion. “She came to Us and We spoke for a time. The pain of the past was soothed. Thank you, Gosling.” She strode away, her long legs moving with a smooth gait and Gosling watched her, almost smiling, but also concerned for Celestia and her battle with the Breadnaught. Luna’s apparent lack of concern bothered him a bit, but perhaps she knew that her sister would be fine, so he allowed the issue to go unspoken. Luna threw open the doors, filling the room with bitter, teeth-chattering cold, and slid a massive telescope along a brass slide-track in the floor. There was a rumble and the squeak of metal that made Gosling’s ears stand up. The Princess of the Night began to make adjustments to the telescope and of curious interest, she did not point it at the heavens, but downwards. “Gosling, do so be a dear, go forth, and fetch my niece, Cadance. Tell her that she is to come to me at once, so that we might speak.” “Wait!” “What?” Luna looked up from whatever it was that she was doing. “If she is your niece, does that make me her uncle?” Gosling asked. A broad, terrifying grin spread over Luna’s muzzle like marmalade over toast, a slow process indeed. “Why yes, Gosling, it does. Go forth and fetch our beloved niece!” “Okay,” Gosling started to respond, but he was interrupted as magic overtook him once more. In the blink of an eye, he found himself elsewhere as Luna willed him to be in another location. Blinking, Gosling found himself back among his friends, his loved ones, his family. His mother seemed startled by his sudden appearance, but she recovered with a quickness. Shining Armor looked up from the book he was reading to Flurry and took a moment to stare. Flurry, who could not be bothered with an interruption, banged on her father with her hooves. Looking down at his daughter, Shining Armor said, “See Flurry, this is why Mommy has such a big, fat tummy-tum. You’re going to have a sister.” This revelation blew Flurry’s mind and she stared at the open book her father held with wide, curious eyes. Meanwhile, Shining Armor suffered the fury of his wife’s glare. Gosling knew just how to save Shining from himself. “Hey, Cadance… did you know that you are my second favourite niece?” Upon saying the word ‘niece’ the room went silent, save for a gasp from Twilight Sparkle. He watched as Cadance’s head made a slow turn on her neck, and the corner of her right eye began to twitch in a most frightful manner. Shining Armor recovered, began to chortle, and Gosling found himself doing the same. “Flurry is my first favourite niece, of course. Sorry Cadance, but you’ll have to settle for being second best.” “Gosling…” Cadance’s voice was as cold as the vacuum of space, but she did not get to finish. “Auntie Luna needs you in the observatory tower. I was instructed to tell you to come to her at once so that you two could speak.” Oblivious to the danger that he was in, Gosling smiled at Flurry, sucked in a deep breath, and then had this to say: “Uncle Gosling loves you, little Flurry!” “Yay!” Flurry blew a raspberry and then looked confused. “Uncle?” “Yes, Flurry.” Cadance’s neck muscles were like taut suspension bridge cables. “Uncle Gosling. Your uncle. My uncle. Because family is complicated. Sweet Uncle Birdbrain.” Twilight Sparkle exploded with laughter and spooked Flurry, who took flight. The little filly took off in a blur, with Sleet and a still laughing Twilight going after her as she shot out the door. Shining Armor closed his book, snickered a bit, and fought to keep a straight face, knowing what was at stake here. Lips twitching, Shining Armor followed after his sister and his daughter’s nanny, sniggering as he made his escape out through the door. “Auntie Luna needs to speak to me?” Cadance asked in a voice of utter calm. “Yeah.” Gosling nodded. “Maybe it is about Celestia? I don’t know. They seemed to have sorted something out earlier and she might want to talk about that. You should go—” Too late, she and Gosling were already gone, having vanished in a burst of pink light. “—and talk to her…” It took Gosling a moment to get reoriented after another shortcut through the aether. This time, the journey had been an unsettling shade of pink and lacked the smooth transition of Luna’s teleportation. In transit, he had endured the unnerving sensation of being stretched thin and long, an experience most unpleasant. “Hello, Auntie,” Cadance said in a pink saccharine deadpan. “Uncle Gosling was just telling me that you wanted to speak to me.” No effort was made on Luna’s part to hold back her chuckles, and Cadance looked quite flustered. When the pink alicorn let out an indignant wicker, the blue one’s chuckles turned into peals of laughter that echoed through the observatory, and made Gosling’s ears twitch. Luna looked and sounded downright gleeful as she celebrated Cadance’s chagrin. Still chortling, Luna looked at Cadance with mischief gleaming in her eyes. “We wished to show you the beautiful city of Ponyville at night. It is a sight that We treasure. We have taken up a hobby, as you have suggested.” Obliging her aunt, Cadance strode forward, her mane billowing in the wintery wind that blew in through the opened double doors that lead out to the observation balcony. Gosling stood on the spot where he had arrived with Cadance and watched as Luna’s smile grew ever-wider. The blue wife was in a fine mood tonight after being so miserable earlier and he regretted that sooner or later, this happiness would come to an end when her mood shifted. “See how decorated Ponyville is for Hearth’s Warming… they have done a spectacular job! It sits in the snow like an embedded, glittering jewel!” Luna stepped aside so that Cadance could look into the peephole and then shot a wicked-looking glance in Gosling’s general direction. “Look how Twilight’s subjects have prospered and how much wealth they possess!” When Cadance put her eye up to the peephole, she gasped once, then twice, and then after the third time she said, “It really is beautiful… what an amazing view! Look at all of the lights! This is gloriously breathtaking! It is so beautiful at night… Luna… thank you for showing me!” Snickering greeted Cadance when she returned to the room where everypony had gathered. Twilight took one look at her, covered her mouth with her hoof, and then began to giggle. Seville chuckled and was joined by Sleet. Her husband, Shining Armor, couldn’t even look her in the eye. Sighing, she knew that there was nothing she could do but laugh along with the joke. “Yeah, ha ha, funny, Gosling is my uncle. Okay you chuckleheads, get it out of your systems.” Flapping her closed, folded wings against her sides in annoyance, she crossed the room to go and sit down beside her husband so she could cuddle Flurry. “The holiday lights of Ponyville look amazing, Twilight.” “Oh?” Twilight fought to keep a straight face for a moment—and lost. She collapsed with a fresh case of the giggles and was unable to look Cadance in the eye. “Did.. did… d-did Luna g-get you to look into her t-t-telescope?” Shining Armor had to struggle to stammer out the words and his sides were heaving while Cadance sat down beside him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he fought to hold back his laughter but it came out as hard, puffy little snorts that blew Flurry’s mane around. Frowning, Cadance plucked her daughter from her husband and pulled her close. “Hi! Did Mama’s little filly have a fun little fly? Did your nanny have to chase you?” At the sound of her mother’s voice, Flurry melted down into giggles and settled in for a snuggle. Hush snorted once, shook his head, and resumed reading while Hotspur chewed his lip. Twilight lost it again, bursting into laughter, and she clutched her sides. When she suddenly clucked like a chicken, she paused, but only for a moment, and then even more laughter spilled forth, punctuated by occasional clucks and buccaws. Shaking her head, Cadance bore it with as much grace as could be mustered. “It really isn’t funny, it is just a little odd, that’s all. Gosling is younger than I am and it feels weird referring to him as my uncle. Now give it a rest, I’m tired and this has been a long day.” She yawned and gave her daughter a warm, fuzzy-wuzzy cuddle. With a poomf of glittery magic, Twilight conjured a mirror into existence. She held it for a time while staring at her sister-in-law, laughing and clucking. Meanwhile, her brother had picked up a pillow and had covered his face while barking with laughter. Turning away, Twilight passed the mirror over to Cadance, then stuffed her hoof into her mouth in a futile attempt to try and contain her now painful laughter. Cadance took the mirror from her sister-in-law, held it up, and noticed the inky black circles around both of her eyes. She blinked once, feeling fury, and knew that she had been twice-duped. She’d been had. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Hornswaggled. Inveigled. She had challenged Luna—they had struggled for position earlier—and now Cadance realised that she had paid the consequences for doing so. The former Element of Laughter had struck back in a method true to her idiom, a devastating two-hit combo. “I’m going to get those two if it is the last thing I ever do.”