Edited by Halusm and Clawder.
Where Is My Fainting Couch?
<<>><<>><<>>
With a slam, the door closed behind Gordon, and he now found himself trapped in a barred room, joined by the mares he first encountered in this insane world.
"So, what're you in for?" Asked Pinkie Pie.
Gordon, naturally, didn't answer.
A ceiling mounted P.A. system gave a harsh screech, making everyone flinch from the sound. Then, in a monotone voice, they were told Cutie Marks were the source of conflict. That true equality could only be achieved by giving up their marks, and other general propaganda Gordon was all too familiar with. His brief visit to City 17 still fresh in mind.
Frowning, he silently glared at the P.A. system, trying to will it to silence. Though, as he silently observed the rapidly infuriating announcement system, he also thought back just how he'd ended up in here.
When confronted by Starlight back in the cave, he'd attempted to retrieve his crowbar; wary of the protrusion on the mare's head, fully aware what could be done with this appendage. Or so he thought.
He'd experienced the anti gravity and containment abilities demonstrated by Twilight, and had prepared himself for similar traits with this cult leading pony who reminded him more and more of Wallace Breen with her behaviour. What he wasn't expecting, and thus unprepared for, was her ability of direct matter transportation. A feat his science department attempted at back at Black Mesa, only to have everything blow up in their faces… catastrophically. Not to mention, how he ended up in this world… catastrophically. Yet there it was, performed right before him by a pony using a horn growing from her forehead.
She teleported behind him, taking him by surprise, and hit him on the head with his own crowbar; knocking him out.
Now, after waking up after an undetermined amount of time; though, considering the angle of the sun he could see through the barred window, it couldn't have been too long, he found himself in the very room he was now in with Starlight standing behind him with a smug smirk.
She'd given them one of those cliche choices he'd immediately associated with power hungry individuals of the worst kind. Either they accepted their way of life, meaning her way, and give up whatever life they'd left behind; or stay in this room forever. Then she left, slamming the door closed behind her. Though, seeing how she'd only addressed the ponies in the room, Gordon was convinced his set of choices were limited to only the latter.
Of course, miss high and mighty did make one mistake. Gordon was a respected scientist with years of experience. And looking up, he still stared at the P.A. system. Technology.
A small grin snaked its way onto his lips.
"What's that guy grinning about?" Rainbow Dash snarked, sitting slumped in a corner, arms crossed and scowl set on brooding.
"He has been staring at that dreadful announcement system since Starlight left," Rarity said, and Gordon finally decided to take note of the ponies in the room. This forced him to pause, blinking several times in confusion.
The ponies all looked duller, somehow. Their coats several shades darker, and grayer, while their flank orientated marks were replaced by the same equalisation mark he saw on all the other ponies. He had to admit to himself, now he was curious as to what had happened in the time he'd left.
"Well, he has been hit on the head. Maybe he's not feeling too well?" Fluttershy quietly spoke up, and Gordon turned to face the timid mare who quickly shied away behind her mane when he looked at her.
With one eyebrow raised in confusion, he looked back at Twilight, taking notice she was quietly watching him.
"I take it you found something you shouldn't?" She asked, to which Gordon replied with a single, slow nod. This did almost shock the purple mare, as it was just about the most direct answer she'd gotten out of him. Steeling herself, she slowly moved to the window to look outside. "And I take it you're wondering what happened to us after you decided to leave on your own?" She asked, looking back at Gordon from the corner of her eyes.
Again, Gordon gave a single nod. Though he wasn't all that concerned about their personal stories in detail, anything that could help him understand this Starlight would be most helpful the next time he would come to face her. And, as a scientist, he would explore every avenue of data presented to him.
"Well, it would seem there is more going on in this town than we initially thought," Twilight began, only to be interrupted by Pinkie Pie loudly clearing her throat. "Right, Pinkie did know something was wrong," Twilight sighed out as she stepped away from the window. "After you left, several ponies approached us, wanting to see us in private. And after meeting them, certain unethical details about Starlight came to light. When we tried to ask her about it, however, she too was gone. We were able to track her down to the cave you found, only for her to take us by surprise. She then used this magical staff, the likes of which I've never seen before, and took our Cutie Marks."
"TOOK THEM!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "She literally pried them off with that damned thing. I still got a sore spot on my butt because of her."
"It was most unpleasant, yes," Rarity agreed, huffing undignified.
"After that, she threw us in here," Twilight continued. "Normally that wouldn't be much of a problem. But with our Cutie Marks missing, our magical powers are next to none existent."
Now that did irk Gordon. Magical powers?
True, he'd seen a lot of difficult to explain phenomena, like individuals who didn't seem to obey the known laws of physics. However, to him that just meant there were more intricate details of the universe he simply didn't understand yet. And although he was accepting about new and unexpected developments, especially after Black Mesa, magic was a definition people described to events or occurrences they didn't understand. Much like the humans of ancient times.
Besides, all the 'magic' he'd seen so far could be explained through logical math and reasoning. The anti gravity capabilities he'd experienced was something he knew was used in a limited matter to handle heavy and hazardous materials. Their ability to generate an containment field was also something they worked on back at the labs. And their teleporting capabilities…. well, it was still a work in progress.
Still, despite these ponies' 'magic', he did pick up on something else much more urgent and confusing. Starlight used his crowbar to 'pry' off their marks.
Now that was something he had a hard time understanding. But, regardless of what he did or didn't understand about this situation, he did understood perfectly that staying in this prison wouldn't help him find the answers he needed.
And so, going through everything he learned just now, his attention returned to the still active P.A. system.
"Ah think ya broke the fella, Twi," Applejack remarked, sighing out as she shook her head.
"Not like there is much to break to begin with," Rainbow snarled. "I bet he doesn't even know what the Hay is going on."
"Rainbow Dash," Twilight scolded. "You're not helping."
Gordon, however, glanced at the prismatic mare from the corner of his eye, snorted, and then grabbed hold of the announcement system with a single hand. Then, with just a single pull, he tore off the speakers from the ceiling, exposing the wires connecting the device to the outside audio source.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Twilight yelled as she, as well as the others, were taken by complete surprise by his action.
Gordon's only answer was a quick glance at the mare, then he continued pulling free the electrical wires connecting the speaker to the rest of the system.
After a short moment, he had a reasonable length of wires hanging free. Enough to work with, even if he hadn't yet decided what to do with them exactly. He also still had the speaker system themselves, and he quickly started to pry them apart to reveal their innerworkings to him. To his surprise, the construct was only partially compatible with his knowledge relating audio transmitters and receivers. Where human made devices related solely on electrical transference to generate sound, these 'speakers' seem to work with a strangely glowing gem at its center.
Not sure what to make of this, he carefully removed the gem out of one of the two connected speakers; a deep blue stone which glowed ever so faintly, even disconnected as it was now.
"What are you doing?" Twilight asked again at a more reasonable level, stepping closer to the silent human. Yet before she could even try to coax an answer out of Gordon, the gem flashed, and the suit he was wearing reacted with a continuous beep and swirling sound.
Eventually, the suit gave a two toned beep, and Gordon was surprised to see his health system showed his status had returned to one hundred percent. Furthermore, he also noticed the gem no longer shone, and was now as luminescent as the underside of his boot.
"What was that, what happened?" Twilight asked, surprised by this turn of events.
"Let me guess, he ain't saying," Rainbow Dash mock suggested, and was promptly proven right as Gordon merely held up the gem with two fingers; rotating it side to side as he studied it with a critical eye. Then his eyes glinted, and he slowly looked back at the wires he'd pulled free a moment ago; a new grin finding its way onto his face.
"He's grinning again," Pinkie Pie piped up.
"Seriously, what's the deal with this guy?" Rainbow Dash complained.
"Ah recon he's been hit on tha head a bit too hard," Applejack said with a hint of worry.
Gordon ignored them as he opened an access panel on the front of his HEV suit, and pulled out some wires connected to his suit's power supply.
"Eh, mister human. Would you mind telling me why your… attire has those, eh, loose threads?" Rarity asked, only for Gordon to hold up a finger signaling her to wait. Of course, none of the ponies knew what this meant. Even Twilight, who had only a short glimpse into the strange and alien culture of humanity after her visit to their world's mirror reality.
Taking the wires from his suit, Gordon quickly connected them with the exposed wires hanging from the ceiling, and his suit gave a confirming beep.
Just as he thought. Somehow, this alien system was compatible with his suit, and he could already see the energy meter fill up past eighty three percent. Never letting the energy display out of his sight, he watched as the meter slowly filled up to eighty seven, then eight, then to stop only shy of eighty nine. It was as he thought. Despite their compatibility, these ponies electrical capabilities were not designed to handle an energy dependent system such as his HEV suit, which had now drained what little power reserves they had. Even more, his energy meter showed he still had seventy six percent of power when he first connected his suit to the electrical wires, which also meant they wouldn't be able to safely deal with a sudden and massive increase of electrical power.
The small grin he had previously suddenly grew much larger, and with a few override commands, he put the power flow in reverse.
It took only ten seconds, and twenty two percent of his suits power, but the payoff was immediate.
A loud explosion suddenly rocked the building they were in, and, judging from the distance and area the concussive blast came from, Starlight Glimmer would probably have to redecorate.
Well, at least he now knew where the transmitter was.
Not that he thought there was any other place for it to be to begin with.
Satisfied with his work so far, he detached the wires, closed his suit's access hatch, and casually walked to the door while the ponies looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.
"Okay, I do not know what he did, but that was pretty awesome," Rainbow Dash said.
Gordon smirked at that, then tried to open the door.
Locked, just as expected.
Nodding once, he took a single step back, and counted back from five with a hand. When the last of his fingers curled back to complete his fist, a loud, angry scream filled the air, growing louder and louder as the one screaming approached their prison with rapid speed.
With a blast, almost akin to a second explosion, Starlight slammed open the door; eyes wide, bulging, and red with veins.
"YOU!" She all but growled.
"Me?" Pinkie Pie asked, sounding hurt.
"NOT YOU!" Starlight shot back without averting her gaze from her target. "YOU!"
"You mean Rainbow Dash?" Pinkie Pie sought clarification.
Now Starlight slowly turned her head to the pink pony in the room, doing so with a noticeable stutter like some parts weren't properly lubricated; one of her eyes twitching.
Gordon, having waited for this chance, and glad that Pinkie Pie's behavior was random enough for his plan to work, quickly closed the distance and slammed his still closed fist dead center on Starlight's head.
As if a light bulb blew out, Starlight collapsed on the floor, and Gordon stood almost casually over her unconscious form. Overall, just another day on the job.
Glad with this better than expected result, he took a moment to flex his hand, wriggling the fingers a bit, gave a level glance at the mares he'd been locked up with, and casually strode outside.
Silence.
"Okay…. What just happened?" Asked Pinkie Pie.
Her friends didn't answer as they all continued to stare at the slumped form of Starlight.
"Sh- should we help her?" Fluttershy asked timidly.
Again, no answer was given. And after a moment, all six mares quietly left, leaving Starlight behind; though Rainbow Dash did close the door behind her with a kick of a hindleg.
<<>><<>><<>>
Gordon moved at a quick pace back to the cave, having just taken a quick glance at Starlight's house, pleased with the overall result his impromptu plan had caused.
There wasn't too much structural damage, as far as he could see from the outside. The building itself was still standing. Still, most of the windows were blown out, as well as the door. Smoke, too, billowed out in thick columns, revealing at least some fire had burned, or was still burning.
The ponies in town also seemed quite shaken, as was expected. Yet, as Gordon strode past them, none of them did anything to stop him, or even slow him down.
It would seem that with Starlight out of control the way she was, they didn't know what to do. This only confirmed what Gordon already knew. These ponies weren't here willingly, and were clearly controlled in some way. Knocking Starlight out had been the right call, even if this meant she wouldn't be able to tell him where she'd left his crowbar.
Though, he already had a good idea where she put it.
Although her house was the first place he thought about, Gordon almost immediately discarded that idea. It did make sense at first, but he doubted she would keep his crowbar, or magical staff as they seemed so keen on calling it, that close to those who might try to take it. And including her ability to teleport, it would stand to reason she'd move to the cave and back in the blink of an eye, which would mean she still held the staff close at hand, even over such a distance. Therefore, he ran to the cave, hopefully before Starlight would regain her senses.
He probably should have tied her up, he realized. Though the abilities she'd demonstrated probably would render such actions pointless, and a waste of time.
Halfway to the cave, he caught sight of something moving in his peripheral vision. Glancing back over his shoulder, he noticed Twilight and her friends following after him; seemingly struggling to keep up. Which was odd. As a quadruped, their overall running speed should be far greater than his bipedal stance would allow.
Ignoring this odd development for the time being, Gordon closed the distance and sprinted inside the cave.
True enough, slowly rotating on the spot as if it hadn't been removed earlier, was his trusted crowbar.
Stepping within grabbing range, he extended his arm to retrieve his trusted tool, only to stop mid motion; his fingers almost touching the metal construct. Slowly pulling back, he slowly and carefully circled around the pedestal above which the crowbar hovered in place; stroking his beard while a frown creased his forehead.
This was almost too easy.
Surely there was some kind of security system in place. After all, there was a laser grid protected vault right behind him, and it had become abundantly clear his crowbar, somehow, had become an item of great significance to Starlight Glimmer.
Still, so far he hadn't triggered any alarm or deathtrap as far as he could tell.
He thought about this for a little while longer, then came to a stop, shrugged, and retrieved his crowbar.
For a second, he stood tense, expecting just about anything to happen. When nothing happened, however, he released the breath he didn't know he was holding.
"There he is!"
Gordon jumped, and whirled around to face the cave entrance.
Again, he sighed out. It was only Pinkie Pie.
For a moment, Gordon was lost in a grim reflection of his life, and how things had turned in such a way that the arrival of a sapient pink pony was no cause of concern to him. And, at further reflection, he came to the conclusion it probably all started that day when Frank, an over eager intern, ran into him, making him spill his coffee all over his favorite labcoat. Curse you, Frank.
In retrospect, Frank had probably already died during the incident at Black Mesa.
Well, at least that issue had been resolved, he surmised.
Focusing back on Pinkie Pie, and the rest of the group with her as well, Gordon took another glance at their equalized marks, then glanced over his shoulder at the laser grid protected vault of sorts.
Sure enough, the mares' their marks were there as well.
"He has the staff!" Twilight gasped out, eyes wide.
Cocking an eyebrow, Gordon looked at his crowbar; almost scoffing as he did so.
"What are you waiting for?" Rainbow Dash shouted at him. "Destroy that stupid thing!"
Gordon slowly turned to look at the loudmouth pegasus, sighing while rolling his eyes; allowing his arm to fall to his side.
"YOU!!"
The mares all flinched back, while Gordon could do nothing more than place his hand against his face as Starlight burst into the cave; shoving Twilight and her friends roughly aside. However, when she saw Gordon standing there with the 'staff' in his stubby claw, she froze on the spot, eyes widening even further while veins colored them red; a noticeable throb on her temple.
Already seeing where this was going, Gordon quickly placed the crowbar inside the surprisingly roomy storage compartment of his HEV suit, capable of storing numerous tools, or weapons, even if the total mass would far exceed any normal storage capabilities. This was one of those things he knew not to question it, and just go with it.
Seeing the strange creature putting away her instrument to spread true equality inside that strange suit of his, Starlight snarled like a beast possessed, and the ponies quickly, but carefully backed away from this clearly deranged individual.
Lighting up her horn, Starlight fired a blast energy towards the hatch of the suit's storage compartment, attempting to open it with brute force. Gordon, however, expected as much, and quickly twisted out of the way, and instead Starlight's brute force attack connected with the laser like grid sealing away all the ponies' their marks.
With her pupils so small they were barely visible, Starlight watched as the Cutie Mark vault blew wide open, and all the Cutie Marks stored within flew out, returning to the flank they belonged to.
One of Starlight's eyes started to twitch, badly.
Gordon, having become somewhat of a master at detecting an incoming shitstorm, quickly moved for the cave's exit, followed closely behind by Twilight and company.
They'd only managed to take five or six steps when, screaming like a banshee, Starlight all but flew after them; a massive explosion destroying the cave in her wake.
Well, shit.
Gordon, acting in reflex, quickly retrieved his crowbar, and stood his ground; holding his crowbar like a baseball bat ready to strike.
Eyes narrowed, and keeping close watch on his target with calculating gaze, Gordon swung the moment Starlight got into optimized range, and he clubbed her right on the horn; the conduit of her power, he deduced.
A pained scream escaped Starlight, but her momentum made it difficult to see exactly how much damage Gordon managed to inflict. Furthermore, Gordon's attack also knocked her off course, and she flew past him, crashed into the ground, and continued to roll, legs flailing around like a rag doll until she eventually came to a stop.
For a second, everything was deathly quiet, which was how Gordon was able to hear the faint 'tink' when something hit the metallic underside of his protective boot.
Looking down, Gordon was only mildly surprised to see the cracked and broken horn of Starlight. Bending down to retrieve the horn, his motions drew the attention of the absolutely flabbergasted mares. Standing back up, Gordon took a moment to study the severed horn; slowly rotating it in his fingers.
The ponies all gasped out in shock.
Shrugging, Gordon dropped the horn back on the ground. He would have liked to study it better, but he didn't have access to any of his equipment. And he figured that if he stored the horn for later study, if he would ever get a chance to do so, these ponies would pester him about it along the way.
Honestly, it wasn't worth the headache.
Speaking of such, with a groan, which quickly morphed in a shriek, then finally in a guttural growl, Starlight slowly rose to her hooves. Eyes crossed as she looked at the broken stump of what remained of her horn, then ever so slowly her bloodshot eyes focused back on Gordon.
Preparing himself for another half assed attempt from the mare to claim his crowbar, Gordon stared back at her with steeled determination. Yet before any of them could even flinch, they were taken by complete surprise when, with a shrill screech, a most unexpected creature jumped into the scene; grabbing hold onto Starlight's head before she could react, and chomping down onto her skull with its defanged 'mouth'.
It was at that moment Gordon remembered Lamarr had also entered the teleportation field moments before it send him here.
Again, a whole second ticked by without any sound or action. Then, as if a dam had burst, Starlight screamed out.
"GHAAAAA! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" And despite the apparent horror she'd experience, her running around while a defanged headcrab was gnawing on her scalp was quite the comical sight.
Well, to Gordon at the very least. Twilight and her friends all looked at the panicking mare with various levels of concern and fear.
Except Rainbow Dash, who laughed uproariously, rolling over the ground as she did so.
Running around in a blind panic, and also partially blinded by the creature's legs covering some of her vision, Starlight moved towards the agitated mob of villagers; all clearly wanting some answers, and intent on asking the mare now running towards them. Though they, too, stood unmoving on the spot as they saw their town's leader run around with that thing on her head, and none dared to get too close to her.
All that changed when Party Favor decided to 'remove' the creature by throwing a well aimed rock, and missing horribly; instead hitting Starlight on her rump, which somehow caused her equality mark to smear out.
More rocks soon followed, all trying to dislodge the head gnawing beast, and all missing their intended target.
Today just wasn't Starlight's day.
Sighing out, Gordon slacked his stance. He figured he'd probably be the one to do the right thing. After all, Doctor Kleiner probably wanted his pet back… unharmed.
With a strategic placement of his foot, he tripped Starlight, who tumbled head over hoof through the dirt, coming to a stop in a heap.
Approaching, Gordon looked down on the disheveled, tired, bruised, and possibly physically, and definitely mentally broken mare. Lamarr still sat comfortably on Starlight's head.
Needing only a second to think this through, Gordon shoved the business end of his crowbar between Starlight's head and Lamarr, forcing the two apart with some difficulties. And even though mostly covered by her fur and saliva drenched mane, a massive hickey clearly marked the spot Lamarr had attached herself.
Putting away his crowbar, and grabbing the headcrab in both hands, Gordon realized he hadn't thought this far ahead. And now, standing on an unknown world, wriggling headcrab in hands, he really didn't know what to do.
Blinking, he dropped Lamarr, who quickly scurried away and out of sight.
… That probably wouldn't cause any problems, right?
With Starlight once again down for the count, and without any weird creature stuck to her head, the town's ponies all stepped closer; all eyes locked on the smudged mark on Starlight's flank.
Frowning with a growing sense of suspicion, Party Favor pulled off the cloth he was wearing around his neck, using it to clean away the smudge. Much to the shock of all gathered, when he pulled away the cloth, Starlight's equality mark was gone. And in its place they saw her own, personal Cutie Mark.
"SHE LIED TO US!" One of the ponies yelled, scandalized, betrayed. The rest of the town's ponies soon gave voice to their own angry thoughts, closing in on the unconscious mare, until a purple barrier stopped them.
Looking back over his shoulder, Gordon saw Twilight with her horn aglow.
"Everypony, stop!" Twilight exclaimed. "I understand you're angry. You have every right to be. But what you're about to do won't solve anything."
"And what do you think we're going to do, huh?" A voice at the back of the crowd shouted back.
Blinking, Twilight looked back at her friends; Applejack being the one to answer with a shrug. Turning back to the crowd of ponies, Twilight faltered with her reply.
"Well, ehh… You all seem angry, so I thought that-"
"That, what!?" Came the hostile response, the crowd now turning on her, and Twilight took an involuntary step back.
"I didn't-" Twilight tried.
"Now listen here, y'all," Applejack cut in, eyes set in stubborn determination as she stepped forth.
The following tirade filled with southern slang was enough for Gordon to zone out, and instead focus on what to do next while Applejack kept the crowd occupied.
He had retrieved his crowbar, so that was a plus. And he managed to put a stop to Starlight's plans, which he also counted as a positive outcome. Though, there was still the issue concerning Lamarr.
Sighing out, he knew what needed to be done. And quietly, without any of the ponies noticing, he left in search of the freak pet of doctor Kleiner.
<<>><<>><<>>
It had taken a long, heartfelt talk with the town's folk, a impromptu song and dance with her friends, and a surprise twist from Twilight to accept Starlight as her student in friendship, but eventually the volatile situation had been defused.
It was only after that they discovered the human had vanished.
Now, several days later, there still had been no sight of the strangely quiet individual.
Not that they had the luxury to search for him.
It was shortly after they returned to Ponyville that Twilight and her friends learned of the disappearance of both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
Twilight, naturally, freaked out. Teleporting to the castle and back numerous times while using whichever spell she could think of to look for them.
Fluttershy only made the situation worse when she realized Discord, too, was missing. And now, almost a full week since the human vanished, and a quick connection between his disappearance, and of the Princesses and Discord was made, Twilight had all but locked herself up in her library, reading book after book in an attempt to find any clue which could tell her what was going on; what she was missing.
This, of course, also made her friends worry about her; keeping herself locked up in her study days on end, only to appear looking like a zombie, mane disheveled, reeking from days without bath, eyes bloodshot, trying to perform yet another tracking spell, only to retreat back inside after yet another failure.
Eventually, it became so bad that Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash combined their efforts to, quite literally, drag Twilight outside and hold her down while Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie hosed her down, while Spike made a valiant effort to at least wash her coat.
Twilight did try to resist, and her alicorn might would have made short work of any efforts of her friends, if she hadn't been so damn tired.
By the time her friends were done, she had barely enough strength to stand upright.
All this changed when, shooting down from the sky, an energetic orb of orange energy shot past them; impacting one of Twilight's castle's crystal faceted sides, and an oval shaped hole appeared where it struck; its sides a shimmering orange.
"WHAT THE HAY IS THAT!?" Twilight yelled, eyes wide, and her freshly washed mane began to stick out to sides while a small trail of smoke drifted up from the still damp hair.
A slender white hoof stepped out of the orange hole, followed later by a second as Celestia calmly stepped outside; her regalia missing, mane tied back in a functional ponytail, a strange device with white casings, black barrel of sorts, and the same orange glow as the hole on the wall at its center in her magical hold. And strangest of all, there was a potato. Attached to this potato were all kinds of strange objects, one of such being a flickering light whenever it spoke. And said potato was also firmly attached to the device Celestia held, impaled on one of three pincer like protrusions around the object's barrel, shouting all kinds of obscenities, while Celestia looked around with the largest, most sincere smile anypony had ever seen.
"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't quite get that," Celestia said lightheartedly, and the potato screeched in frustration, only for its voice to crackle and stop.
"WHAT THE HAY JUST HAPPENED?" Twilight shouted once again.
"Oh, don't worry, Twilight. She'll reboot in a moment."
True enough, only seconds later the potato 'rebooted'.
"I. HATE. YOU!"
Celestia tuted. "Now, Glados. What did I tell you about saying that?"
"When I get my body back, there is no reality where you can hide!"
"Gladdy," Celestia said imploring.
"Slow and painful," the potato glowered. Raising a single, slender eyebrow, Celestia closed the gap.
"Remember, I'm an herbivore."
"... Yes... princess."
"That's a good potato," Celestia praised.
Twilight's mind short circuited, one of her eyes stuck on permanent twitching mode.
"Eh… Princess. Do you mind telling us what happened and where you have been?" Rarity hesitantly stepped up, just as confused by, well, whatever it was that was currently happening.
"Why, I just had the most relaxing time of my life," Celestia answered happily. "No politics, no pushy bureaucrats, no tedious paperwork. Just me, my portal gun, turrets, acid pools, toxic nerve gas, and a killer artificial intelligence to control it all."
"RELAXING!?" The potato screeched, almost shutting down again. "I. Tried. To. Kill. You!"
"Oh, Glados dear. I'm immortal. Surely you should have figured that out after the sixth time you, ahem, killed me. In all honesty. After the third attempt, your efforts started to slack. I mean, at first you dropped the elevator in a pool of acid, which I managed to escape from with only losing a leg, only to find myself in a room filled with turrets all aimed at me. There certainly was some effort put in that attempt. But the last few… meh," she said unimpressed. "Just filling a room with deathly toxin does seem rather lazy in comparison."
Glados couldn't even reply as her circuitry sparked and sputtered.
"Oh dear. She certainly doesn't have the same processing power she used to have."
All the ponies around her looked at her with wide eyes and open mouth; no sound escaping them.
Chuckling, Celestia looked down towards Spike.
"Spike, would you be so kind and send a letter to my sister. I'm sure she's worried sick about me."
"... I- ehhh…. Your sis- ehh… I mean, princess Luna is missing too. So is Discord," Spike managed.
"They are?" Celestia said, surprised. Then she looked back at Glados. "Anything I should know about?"
"Anything I should know about!?" Glados repeated with barely restrained anger. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO ME! WHY WOULD I WANT TO DEAL WITH ANOT-... Error…. Error. Unexpected system malfunction. Please stand by… System rebooting…… -THER LIKE YOU!"
"I'm over here, sister," Luna said as she stepped outside Twilight's castle; eyes darting around nervously, and a strange L shaped object held in her magical grasp.
"Princess Luna!? Where the hay did you come from?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I'm not sure, miss Dash. One moment I'm fighting a horde of the undead, the next I find myself in some closet. Twilight's wardrobe, I now realize."
"Undead?" Rarity gasped, wavering unsteadily on her legs.
"Indeed," Luna affirmed, still looking around nervously. "I wonder, did my new friends also make it here. If so, we must find them, and possibly help them come out of the closet."
"... Okay… none of that made any sense," Rainbow Dash said loudly.
"Sense," a disturbingly familiar disembodied voice spoke up, and strange music suddenly filled the air. "What fun is there in making sense?"
With a continuous roar, a chariot unlike any they had ever seen burst through one of Twilight castle's second floor windows.
Dropping the distance, the chariot landed heavily on its broad wheels while its forwards momentum sent it halfway into town, only to make a sharp turn, drifting around several panicking ponies, and accelerate back to the castle.
With a screeching, and sliding over the loose dirt with the remainder of its momentum, the chariot finally came to a stop a mere inch before the group of ponies and drake, partially obscured in a cloud of dust kicked up by the tires. The strange music, too, stopped.
As they all coughed, Luna looked around in alarm, the loud sounds causing her distress.
"I don't know, Sarge. I think we're lost," an unknown stallion suddenly spoke up somewhere within the dust cloud.
"God dammit, Simmons. I thought you knew where we were going!" Another, gruff sounding stallion barked.
"I do, but Grif said he knew a shortcut," the first stallion replied with a submissive undertone.
"Did I give you permission to listen to anything Grif has to say, soldier?"
"Well… Yes. You did give him the map, Sir."
"Hey, don't pin this on me. You know just as well as I do what happens when I'm put in charge of anything," Yet another stallion made himself known; his voice carrying the distinct undertone of disinterest.
"You're never put in charge of anything because nothing ever gets done correctly, or at all for that matter," the first stallion snapped back.
"Exactly," the third stallion replied. "Honestly, you brought this upon yourself."
A curious new sound filled the dust covered air, and Luna's ears perked up in recognition.
"A shotgun?" She gasped, and finally the dust cloud started to clear away.
"Grif, you better have a good explanation for your damn dirty blue attitude," a red colored armor wearing human said, riding shotgun, and aiming said weapon towards the human in the back; he was wearing orange armor.
"It's simple, Sarge. I just don't care. Either you yell at me for doing something right, or you yell at me for doing something wrong, because to you, everything I do is wrong. In fact, if it was me who ran Tucker over, and not Simmons, you would have yelled at me for denting the warthog.
"Oowww," the blue armored human mentioned as Tucker moaned, firmly lodged against the vehicle's grill.
"Of course not!" Sarge shot back. "I would have commended you for finally doing something useful… Then I would have yelled at you, for denting the warthog."
"Gee, thanks," Grif deadpanned.
"Oh, aren't they delightful?" Discord cooed, arms placed on Celestia's back, and hands cupped to rest his head in as he watched the bickering trio.
"Discord," Celestia said without missing a beat. "Who are they?"
"Oh, just the most entertaining bunch of individuals I have had the pleasure to meet. And look," he said with glee, pulling several miniature versions of blue armored humans out of Twilight's frazzled mane. "They come with accessories."
"Hello. Why is everyone suddenly so big?" The mini human in dark blue armor asked.
"Caboose, shut up," the pale blue armored human groaned.
Discord grinned down at the chaotic humans, feeling a strange sense of kinship with them.
"Oh my. This certainly is a ssstrange turn… of... events."
The world grew gray and still, and the all too familiar business suit clad entity stepped into view. His form human.
Taking a moment to readjust his tie, he then looked at the frozen scene behind him.
"Why, I take it you weren't exxxpecting me here… now," he spoke with his morosely toned voice, slowly turning back towards the reader. "After all, there are still storiesss untold, questionsss unanswered, and ex-pec-ta-tions to meet."
As he looked at you with his piercing eyes, the scene behind him changed; white walls illuminated by harsh white lighting suddenly formed the decor, and Celestia could be seen moving through a complex death maze, using her portal gun to reach the exit.
There was a flash, and suddenly his face is much closer; his steel gaze locked with yours.
"Of course, there isss much left to be told. Each a story of their own, with unique twisssts... and... turns. Hmmm."
His face faded into the background, yet still visible while you saw Princess Luna and a group of survivors quietly move through a dark alley, their steps partially muffled by the rain drenching their forms, when an accidental misstep caused Luna to knock over a partially filled dumpster.
They all froze on the spot, tense, nervous, not daring to breathe.
Then as if a dam had burst, creatures cursed to roam the world stuck in the twilight between life and death rushed out of every dark place around them.
The last thing seen before his form dominated the scene was that of Luna and the survivors unleashing a barrage of bullets while making a break for an abandoned and, hopefully safe, warehouse.
"Naturally, there iss a time, and place for such ssstories. However… now. Is. Not. The. Time."
"Now hold on right there!" Discord snapped, standing behind the deceptive being with arms crossed. "Are you really doing what I think you're doing? To cut things off here, right in the middle of everything, leaving everyone hanging in the middle of a cliffhanger; tantalizing them with things to come, only to never show up again?" Leaning in closer, Discord's mismatched eyes glared into the entity's piercing eyes.
"We've already gone through this before, waiting years for a sign of life, only for it to arrive in the form of a genderbend 'fanfic', with names changed just enough to avoid copyright claims."
"An… ironic turn… of… events, wouldn't you agree?" He said, wiping a bit off dust from his left sleeve with slow and stiff motions.
"And what about our silent protagonist, hmmm? What happened to him?" Discord wanted to know.
"Ah, yes. Doctor Freeman."
Again, the background changed, and images of Gordon flashed by in rapid succession; first showing him as he left the village shortly after his fight with Starlight. Then he stood near the train tracks the train carrying the mares had arrived on; observing small impressions in the dirt, indicating the direction Lamarr had scurried off to. Next the sight of Gordon following the tracks back to the village where he first arrived flashed into perspective, only to be directly replaced by him standing on the tracks' side; looking at a strange, cold, and clearly not pony made train which had stopped beside him; the door of the first cart standing open, and directly in front of him. He got on board, coming face to face with the very same individual whose piercing gaze overlaps the image of himself, now staring at you.
"D-o-c-t-o-r Freeman has been... returned to where he needsss to be…. For now, at least," he answered, and Discord frowned deeply.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, I am afraid I'm not at liberty to discusss such… delicate matters… with… you… hmmm."
"So now you just scurry away while leaving 'ol Discord to clean up your mess, is that it!?" Discord demanded to know, his single fang glistening dangerously.
The deceptive entity gave a stiff lipped smirk.
"How… surprisssing. And here I thought you enjoyed a bit of chaos every now… and… then."
Discord narrowed his eyes.
"I'm keeping my eyes on you."
"Oh, Dissscord. It is not I you need... worrying about. After all, there are plenty of otherss... here who are able to change the status quo... hmmm… in... most unexpected mannersss."
"Is that so!?" Discord huffed, pressing his face closer to the entity's.
"Quite," he answered matter of factly, and his eyes locked on something behind Discord.
Noticing this, Discord, with a noticeable amount of suspicion, turned around to see what he was looking at.
"Oh…"
The moment the sound escaped him, color returned to the world, and the humans continued their bickering, while the ponies all looked around in confusion as they realized Discord had suddenly vanished. And though nothing unusual for the draconequus, he did do so more often than not, he rarely did so mid sentence… Well, when he did the talking, at least.
Though it didn't take long for the ponies to find him, standing just a few steps away, looking up and into the distance with an expression plastered on his face they couldn't quite place.
Then the ground shook, and screams arose from the village.
One by one, they all turned to the source, including the humans; their heads slowly angling up as they saw what approached them, shock evident among them all. Yet none of them looked as shocked, or as horrified as Rarity when she saw her little sister.
Equestria would never be the same again.
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It's confirmed!