Dressed to Steal

by Tatsurou


Time Out: Family Trends

It took a while to give Tennessee the full story he wanted. After all, it was a long story. It took even longer to get him to accept the story, since it was just so far beyond anything he could believe. Eventually, we were able to get him to accept that we were there to help him because we were family, and he ignored the rest of it. By that time, Uncle Bentley and Felicia had identified Toothpick. As we'd expected, he was from our time and likely working for Le Paradox.

Tennessee had quite the story to tell when we got to how he ended up in jail. I get the feeling he told more than he would have normally because Mom was there...


"So yeah, I was gettin' ready ta do that big bank job, steal all the gold, leave no evidence...only for that Toothpick fella to catch me before ah could start, sayin' he was sheriff!" Tennessee snapped angrily. "Well, ah knew somethin' was up with him e'en before the gold went missin'. After all, there's already a sheriff for these parts, and ah made sure ta time the robbery fer a time she'd be outta town. And-"

"She?" Carmelita asked in surprise. "Isn't it rather odd for a female to have such a high law enforcement position in this era?"

Tennessee laughed. "Ya ain't kiddin' there, but ya ain't never seen nobody like Sheriff Valina. She's a right spitfire, kick the ass o' any man three times on Sunday. Can out shoot any man jack around these parts, too. She's been huntin' me for a while, what with all mah capers...but she's a right stickler for proof before arrest. It ain't enough her gut tells her I done all these crimes. If she can't pin it to me in a court o' law, she ain't gonna jail me. Sides, she knows I keep the worse types at bay." An odd smile crossed his face. "The voices...they don't bug me when she's talkin'..."

Sly frowned thoughtfully. It had been part of the Thievius Racconus that Tennessee had 'heard voices' telling him to blow things up, among other things. It wasn't something he liked thinking about. Still, if this Valina made the voices stop...that might explain how Tennessee finally managed to have children...

"How'd she learn to fight so well?" Coco asked curiously.

"Well, she's a hy-breed," Tennessee explained. "They ain't too common round these parts, and folks generally don't like 'em. Some nonsense about 'the purity o' bloodlines'. Ah ain't never had truck wit' that. Sides, them stripes make her look mighty pretty, far as ah'm concerned."

"Stripes?" T-Bone asked curiously. "She part tiger or something?"

"Nah, no tiger in her," Tennessee countered. "Here, lemme show ya..." He started fishing around his person. "Now where'd ah hide it...ah!" Reaching into his tail, he fished around for a time before pulling out a rolled parchment. He carefully unrolled it. "Drew that meself!" he declared proudly.

The image displayed a woman who could almost pass for Carmelita's sister, at least as far as figure and expression were concerned. She had fiery red hair, blazing emerald eyes, and pale golden fur that blended almost exactly with the sand of the desert around them. By the shape of the tail and face, one would think she was a fox...but her tail had darker stripes along it at regular intervals, along with similar marking along her arms, legs, and a raccoon mask marking around her eyes. She was a fox/raccoon hybrid.

Of course, not everyone was able to take in these details, as the full body portrait showed she was naked except for a rough towel clutched in one hand and a loaded pistol brandished in the other. "Uh...?" Sly offered nervously.

"Explain," Carmelita ordered flatly.

"Caught wind o' some thugs plannin' ta ambush her when she weren't ready for 'em," Tennessee explained easily. "There were other things they were plannin' ta do ta her...but ah ain't gonna say them in mixed company." Looking around, he saw he didn't need to explain further. "Well, that weren't nothing ah was gonna tolerate, so ah went in ta stop 'em. Unfortunately, she heard the ruckus and came chargin' out gun blazin'...wit no concern 'bout her state o' dress, or lack there of." He scratched under his nose, blushing brightly. "Ah...added the towel when ah painted this one."

"This one?" Murray asked curiously.

"Gave her the other one," Tennessee explained. "Only saw her for a second before ah ran, but ah wanted ta explain why I was there. She heard me out, accepted mah explanation, and...well, ah gave her the painting."

Razor chuckled softly. "How'd she take that?" he asked impishly.

"Seemed rather flustered at first...then she asked me ta meet her fer drinks later," Tennessee explained. "Over drinks, she told me she was impressed ah got her so accurate with only a second's glance. Said it showed just how focused on her ah was, how good my mind is fer details." He shrugged lamely. "Ah don't remember much else that night. She can also out drink any man around these parts." He sighed longingly. "What a woman...this job was gonna be mah last job, one that made me infamous because it couldn't be proven it was me...and ah was gonna retire from thievin' and be her deputy, help her find out 'who was responsible' and just stay with her till mah sun sets." He sighed again, this one sadly. "No chance o' that happenin' now..."

"Unless we take down Toothpick with proof he took the gold," Coco pointed out. "That would give you an in to become Valina's deputy, since you're working law enforcement."

"And if the gold isn't discovered, you can help her to track down where he hid it..." Bentley added impishly.

A slow grin spread across Tennessee's face. "Well truss me up fer Thanksgivin' like a right turkey, that just might work! And it'd protect her rep as th' best sheriff if we prove Toothpick's corrupt!" He leapt to his feet. "Well, what are ya layin' around for? Let's get to work...startin' with gettin' mah gun back!"

Bentley grinned widely. "And I think I've found just where Toothpick's hiding it..."