"Teleportation?" Familiar words felt like sandpaper. I watched Richard Fulwood flip more switches and fiddled with wires. Well, I had to hand it to him, when he called me up to say he had a surprise for me, I didn't expect a teleportation pad in a basement and another pad just up the stairs to the first floor. I sat in a somewhat collapsed chair with Tyrone, Richard's beagle and one of my favorite pet compatriots when I visited Richard.
"You got it, my suspicious friend. I'm about to hit the science fiction button and make what people have thought to be nothing more than fairy tales of crackpot scientists and all I need to do it is a power generator and imagination." Richard was recently very excited about doing his experiments again, although he won't tell me why he suddenly got back at his crazed work. He had only recently lost his job as a phone representative. You know the kind, 1-800-whogivesadamn and you get a friendly voice on the other end saying 'Thank you for calling us, how may you abuse me today?'
Sorry, I got a little bitter there, don't generally do that.
I gave a look at Tyrone, his brown face looking at me. He had an even coat of black on his back and a white belly. He seemed to be just about as confused as I was about what the hell Richard was doing.
I then gave a shiver as the hairs on my neck stood on end, the twitch I always had if something bad happened recently or when something bad was going to happen soon.
Of course the first person I revealed such a grandiose super power was Richard himself, so when he looked at me after my shakes his eyebrow raised out of curiosity before turning back to his computers and tacking on the keyboard carefully. He was surrounded with wiring, lights, and a mini-fridge that if looked in the right light, seemed to be suspended in the air.
"All clear. Teleportation procedures are all in the green. Guess it must be the neighbors having their quarrel again that made you shake." Tyrone put his nose in the air and began sniffing as he started up the stairs, must've smelled something good to him. Richard grabbed an apple from his mini-fridge and wrote a name down on it. He set it down and I read 'JACK' written in black sharpie.
"So. Apple Jack is going to be your first test subject?" I asked as I noticed a smile cross his face. Richard mumbled something to himself as he then looked at me in... embarrassment? I couldn't read Richard like I used to, although he wasn't exactly a hard guy to read before he got fired. He was just depressed all the time, any time he was happy was when he was out of the house. But now he was here, a large goofy grin, spring in his step, and not a care in the world as he started up (or at least it sounded like starting up) a teleportation device.
A knock came from the first floor. We were waiting for another guest for the event, she did this all the time when we asked her to be at a place at a specific time. Always seventeen minutes behind, almost like she purposely does it.
And she does, I've had enough dates with her to know what she tries to do in order to look as beautiful as she is.
“That's Linda, I'll get the door.” I rushed up the stairs and reached the front door, making sure my brown hair was at least somewhat presentable by running a hand through it.
Opening the door I was greeted by the face of Linda, her blonde hair perfectly curled at the front, no doubt the culprit every time she would run late as she obsessed heavily over it. She was accompanied by another girl, black hair split in the front and placed behind her right ear, and wearing large oval glasses.
"Hey there, Quentin! I hope you and Richard don't mind that I had to bring my sister. This is Marian.”
The girl in glasses immediately pulled out a note pad and began writing feverishly. Both of them stepped inside as a column of light rose from the teleporter pad.
"DON'T STEP ON THE PAD! Applejack's coming through!” Richard yelled up from his dark dungeon of science.
Marian's eyes glimmered for a moment, as her full attention was drawn into the spinning column of light, her hand still writing as she started circling the device. Linda and I could only look at each other and then marvel at what was happening. We all gave a gasp as we all watched an apple slowly take form in the blue light. Richard Fulwood was moving an apple from his basement to the first floor in the flip of a switch. He was going to be the richest man in the world because of this!
Soon the light faded and we all carefully looked a the apple. I went forward to touch it, but I wasn't even sure if it was going to explode, or was irradiated, or hell, explode TWICE.
Can something explode twice? That would be interesting to find out...
Marian picked up the apple herself and in a snap, bit down and started chewing the apple. Both Linda and myself watched in horror as we expected the oncoming terror. To see if Marian's flesh would begin to fall off as she would start walking towards us, her arms extended, moaning out for brains.
I've watched too many horror movies, note to self, don't do that.
"Well?" Linda asked as Marian balanced the apple on the notepad and continued writing, seriously give this girl a hand, that's just cool.
"Apple is a bit gritty, still retained a lot of its juices. I'm curious if it was the apple that wasn't hydrated, or if the process dehydrates things as they get sent.” Marian flipped a page of her notebook, and I saw a bunch of mathmatical formulas, lots of words, and even small diagrams. One being the device itself.
When Richard came up, I gave him a hug and a handshake. “You freaking did it! An actual operating teleportation device! This is going to to get you SO rich man!”
Richard gave a chuckle and pulled out a piece of paper. “It's all thanks to this, remember when you saw me run into that guy as I was leaving work? He dropped it and it had all the missing formulas and little tips that I needed to make it!”
“How good is a return trip on it? Or is it a one-way process?” Marian seemed more than curious about the machine, personally, I didn't want to focus too much into it. Thing goes in, thing goes out, how much more complicated should something be?
Richard took the apple from Marian and placed it back on the teleporter pad and motioned her to come downstairs, already running down the stairs again. Marian without making a word, continued to write down on her notepad as she walked down the stairs. Leaving Linda and myself on the top floor to talk. She seemed a bit more happy than she normally was.
"Soooo, Quentin. Have you made up your mind about where our date is going to be?" Linda approached me with her warm eyes on me and my knees ready to buckle under pressure.
I completely forgot about the date. I was so busy with trying to find another job, why didn't I think about it?!
"Um. It's a surprise. We'll go straight out to it after Richard finishes... you know." I waved my hand toward the direction of the teleportation pad, already beginning to warm-up again. I could already see that Linda knew I didn't have a clue about where we would go for a date.
"You don't have an idea about where our date should be at do you?" Linda gave a slight chuckle and then latched onto me with one of her patented hugs.
A loud snap came from downstairs as the blue column of light enveloped the half-eaten apple, however the sound of Richard swearing downstairs was not a good sound.
What'd I tell ya? Shivers get it right all the time.
Linda tried to go for the door as she read my face and was immediately greeted by her being lifted from the ground as she gripped a door handle. This thing was sucking us in! Gripping hard into the wood paneling of the basement door as best I could, I screamed out downstairs to Richard as I tried to brace my legs against something in a vain attempt to try and keep myself from going any further. "Shut the damn thing off! We're getting pulled in!"
"I TRIED THAT! THE THING IS RUNNING ON IT'S OWN ENERGY!" Richard screamed back as the sound of what sounded similarly to a vacuum going 'Fwump!' was heard. "IT GOT MARIAN! DID SHE COME OUT ON YOUR END?!"
Linda screamed out, "WHAT?!"
I yelled back as the sound of the wind being sucked in got much louder. "SHE DIDN'T COME OUT OUR END! RICHARD WHAT'S GOING ON?!"
Those were the last words I said as Tyrone came into the first floor hallway and was propelled forward into me, causing me to lose my grip on the wood.
The last thing I saw and heard was Linda crying out and holding out her hand in an attempt to catch me.
The last thing I felt, was an intense burning all over my body and then... nothing.
***
Spinning. Spinning and Falling. Any time my eyes went open I was bombarded by color, shapes, creatures, all of it burning and painful to watch for only a second. I felt limbs being pulled and pushed, my head getting cracked open, stuffed, then all of it grabbed from inside my mouth and yanked out. My back was torn open and left that way for God knows how long before it was apparent that it was only an imaginative thought that I fooled myself into believing.
If I could throw up, I would, no really, I would. But when you can't even open your mouth to scream in fear or pain, it can be difficult. All the while I couldn't help but feel I was being carried in a lion's paw and an eagle's claw.
***
Dirt. This is definitely dirt I was feeling. I must've been shot halfway across the world, that was my guess. I wanted to make sure my body was moveable, especially after that crazy feeling I had while I was flying through... wherever that was.
Okay, right foot twitching, excellent.
Now for the left foot. Another twitch, good good.
Hands? Yes.
Fingers? Oh, fingers?
That's not good, I'm not able to feel my fingers. Wait, what's the feeling on my back? Am I controlling it? Oh great, now I'm even more confused. So with a better idea about what I had to deal with, I had one other plan in mind. If someone was looking at me twitch on the ground, I just needed to explain that I wasn't a local.
That should work, right?
Taking a good look around, I could see trees. Miles and miles of trees. And I was in a clearing with nothing but dirt and the occasional struggling grass blade trying to rise up in the lack of sunshine. Already dark out here, so my best bet was that it was night. So far the theory of being propelled halfway across the world is sounding about right. That's when I decided to look down at my fingers and figure out why I couldn't feel them.
Of course, I couldn't feel them because they weren't there. Now, normally that'd be stressful. But, it was worse. I had hooves. I tried to fool myself into thinking I was actually holding a horse leg and I only looked further, which made things more complicated.
Orange-red fur. All over me. I just about passed out from shock until I remembered that fluttering feeling on my back and realized if I moved certain muscles, it would move. Testing something, I flexed as much as I could and felt a feather touch my snout. I pulled back, flexed and met the feather again. Following it, I saw more feathers, and eventually a wing.
"WHAT THE HELL AM I?!"
I tried to keep calm, counted to ten, while breathing deeply, thinking in my happy place. All of it failed. I could only think of one word as I continued to lie down on the ground.
Pegasus. I had become a red-orange Pegasus. I was a human that became a Pegasus. I was shaking horribly, this was a problem. This was a MAJOR problem. So many questions, all of them more unbelievable than the next.
Where was I? Where are my friends? Did they get pulled into the teleporter too, or did they manage to shut it off? Why was I a Pegasus? Was I even on Earth? Why didn't the colors here look real? Was this even real life?
Then, I heard snapping twigs in front of me, and out came out a brown faced, white chest, black back behemoth that started sniffing the air. It resembled a dog in some way, but it's front arms were massive and it seemed to stand on it's hind legs.
“No!” I cried out, which only made it look at me and forced me to try to get up to run. I neglected to take into account that trying to run on two legs as a equine is outright foolish and I felt myself fall on my back.
“Beta!” The creature called out, seemingly shocked for a moment, giving me another chance to get away. This time, I flapped my newly gained wings and felt myself shoot up into the air, and then fall onto my face. This wasn't a good turnout, I was scared out of my mind.
“I'm not going to be some 'good boy' treat for you!” I screamed, as I finally managed to get on all four hooves and stand my ground, my legs still shaking as I tried to get used to having to stand in a totally new way. That's when I noticed that the dog creature was lying down and whining. Something that struck me as familiar as something that Tyrone would do.
Then it struck me, the color of the fur, and how it was acting. Could it actually be Tyrone?
“Sit.” I watched as it sat up and his tail started wagging. Time to amp it up.
“Stand.” The dog creature reared up, standing above me as a giant, with his hands in the air, looking like he was going to surrender. I put a hoof up and tried to cock it in a way it would look like a gun, and only managed to just look like I was sticking a hoof straight at Tyrone.
“Bang.” I watched as Tyrone gave a dramatic “erk!” and hit the ground, his eyes still open and looking at me.
“Oh my Celestia, it is you Tyrone.”
***
"Okay, let me explain this to you again, Tyrone. Maybe in better detail so you can understand." I carefully began walking around again. Trying to get used to walking with four legs. Tyrone thankfully figured out how to talk a little bit, and if I'm patient, I'll teach him how to make legitimate sentences. He managed to also keep his color of his fur with him, so I guess it wouldn't be difficult to pick him out if for some reason there were more of the large beasts like Tyrone came by.
I was confused however that I didn't say God when I said 'Oh my Celestia'. It was as if I had a filter of some kind around my mouth so I couldn't say certain words. I tried a few other words to see if it would do it again. It turned out cussing was the first thing that was censored, and it felt weird that I said, “I swear to Celestia, I am not a bucking dumb assistant.” I'd say what I really said, but I don't want to get in trouble if for some reason swearing is unacceptable to where I'm going to send this story to.
From the little I was able to learn from the limited vocabulary of Tyrone, I was considered the Beta of his master's pack. So if I was in need of help, he'd be able to come to me and give me some assistance. Richard was the Alpha of the pack, and so his orders took precedence against mine. However, with Richard not here, Tyrone is going to do his best to stay by me.
"Alpha, Richard, made a machine that could move things without picking it up. So he could take a bone, and without touching it, make it go into another room." I began to do a small trot in a circle around Tyrone and got a good beat going. I just needed to keep myself from tripping over this time, and I may be able to consider myself at a competent level.
"Like fetch!" Tyrone happily quirked,his tail thumping the ground.
"Something close to that," I gave a once over the area we were in again. Sure was dark, even in the clearing where a few beams of moonlight would touch down, it was practically pitch-black. "So, the machine thought it needed to bring over more than the apple. Or the bone in your case. It pulled you, myself, Alpha, and the two women that came in.”
Tyrone sat quietly for a moment, his tail no longer thumping. "Home? Back to Alpha?"
I looked down at myself, orange-red fur, wings, hooves. My mind still trying its hardest not to crash from disbelief. "I don't know, Tyrone. Something just tells me that it's going to be difficult."
That's when the shivers kicked in. "Guard up, Tyrone. Something is going to happen."
Tyrone ran up beside me and started growling and speaking. “Bad animals. Coming here!”
Tyrone and myself kept our eyes on the shadows. Then came the sound of shuffling leaves and panting. The eyes in the dark were an icy blue and the figures started to take form. They were... wolves? Well they had a form like wolves, but it seemed like they were made from branches. So could they really be that harmless?
Well given the fact that a group of five of the wooden wolves were rather large and now circling myself and Tyrone, I'd give that answer a good fair YES.
Tyrone grabbed hold of one of the wolves and rammed it into a tree, carrying it into the forest, causing a mess of splinters from both the tree and wolf as he ran. I was plenty shocked to see such power from Tyrone, let alone see him move that fast. That's when two of the wolves decided to jump at me.
Ducking down, I could only think of one thing as what had felt like the moon, sun, all of the planets, universes, stars all align for the grandest shot I could go for. From the ducked position, my wings beat hard against the ground, making me rise rapidly into the incoming assault and cracked two jaws with a rising uppercut. OH MAN, you don't know how it feels to have done that. And to do it in such a grand fashion too.
Landing could've used work, but hey, I was getting the hang of it.
After such a shot, now it only left two of the wolves that were flabbergasted over how amazing a blow I had landed on two of their buddies. They looked at each other and then crouched down towards me.
Before they could strike though, in came Tyrone yet again, his arms spinning around like mad as he tore into a wolf and resumed his mad path of destruction through the woods. "Guess it's now 1-on-1, eh wolfy?" I cockily mentioned, my wings rising as I bent down. We both knew what to do. The Timberwolf charged out with his claws already ready to open me up, and then came me, speeding straight into inevitable doom.
That's when a large smack of wood on face could be heard across the woods. You could also hear the accompanying sound of cracked bones and branches falling from a tree.
I'll answer your question. Yes. Yes, it really bucking hurt.
I couldn't move without something hurting, from what little I could remember from high school health class, is that if everything hurt, you had to lay still. And here I was, shaking uncontrollably as the Timberwolf made his way to me, almost sauntering in the wake of my defeat. That's when a hooded figure came down with a staff in her hooves and crashed it into the Timberwolf, causing it to yelp in pain. "Get back fowl creatures! Or an ugly scar I'll add to your features!"
The Timberwolf began to back down, some of his badly wounded friends began to follow suit as they ran off into the forest yet again. I couldn't be more happy if I tried, but maybe if I felt less pain I'd feel even MORE better.
Tyrone began to approach me and the stranger when she wheeled to Tyrone and held out her staff threateningly. "Get away from us beast! Diamond Dogs deserve mercy the least!"
I tried to get the hooded pony's attention by coughing out. Okay, so I was trying to talk, but blood got in the way, so coughing was the best I could come out with.
"Beta! Let me help Beta!" Tyrone whiningly protested as he pointed to my crumpled figure, the pony began turning her attention back and forth between us trying to connect the dots.
"No time for question or talk, tell me my orange friend can you walk?"
Another spurt of blood from my mouth, I was getting good at that. I had to shake my head as I tried to keep down as much vomit and blood as I could. The pony pulled off her hood, revealing that in fact, this wasn't a pony, it was a zebra.
I couldn't understand where I was, this was a zebra, so maybe I was in an area similar to the African Rainforest?
"I have no choice but to trust, pick him up Diamond Dog and follow, or your head I will bust."
This zebra have a fetish for rhyming everything? I mean don't get me wrong, I love a good poem or rap song, but when you do it while your just talking normally just isn't... well, normal. I felt Tyrone gingerly pick me up and put me on his shoulder, oh good. Now my life laid in the large paws and forearms of Tyrone.
"Run forward with haste, Diamond Dog or your friend will die. Just keeping running forward no matter what, and don't ask why." With that the zebra seemed to vanish from sight. And with immediate speed, Tyrone crashed through the forest with nonstop power. I'd admire it a bit more if the trip didn't have so many bumps on the road though.
"Tyrone! Try not to run into EVERY bush!" I managed to spurt out, holding my chest as well as I could. Soon we came to a tree covered in masks and dangling bottles. More horror movie tropes came running in. Was this zebra a gypsy mare? Voodooist? Hippie?!
The zebra from before opened her door for us (how'd she do that? By all accounts it shouldn't make sense!), ushering us in. Tyrone had to duck down to fit in through the door and set me down on the floor. Gotta hand it to Tyrone, he knew when to be gentle with those arms of his. The zebra stared into Tyrone's eyes with distrust, but after awhile she moved over to me and started chanting in a foreign tongue. Oh good, I got the voodooist. Now I was going to be healed AND cursed at the same time.
Happens all the time when you meet a voodooist. Get cursed while getting what you want, that's prime objective from these kind of ponies. Although, maybe I could be cursed as a were-human, then at least I could laugh at her and mention about who I really was.
My heart sank as I thought back to home. It hadn't been two hours since I got pulled into a teleportation device and created into a red-orange wreck of a Pegasus and it hadn't been thirty minutes after a fight with Timberwolves that I had broken ribs. This was the worst day.
Once she had finished her chanting she began pushing down on my chest in specific areas. I wanted to scream from the pain, but all that would release was the sound of air hissing out. She was moving the shattered bones back in place was my best guess. And lo and behold, I felt the bones snapping together like legos being forced into place by a five year old.
It was less than thrilling to not be able to utter a sound in response to the ridiculous amount of pain, but it was working. This zebra character has some skill to this voodoo thing. The zebra began to walk away when she then turned back to see me try to get up. "Don't dare move, Pegesi, so bold! The mending is not complete, do as your told!"
The zebra went to move again and made her way to a... cabinet? I couldn't really see as much as I want to know what sort of witchcraft was taking place here. What exactly was she-?
From out of nowhere! A bottle! Practically shoved down my throat, and it was the good kind of medicine because you wanted to wretch it back up when it hit your throat. Another spasm, another wave of pain, and then a one-two punch from the floor on my head.
***
Linda felt herself being helped up by somepony, she was practically walking on three legs as the stranger began to start talking.
"I remember looking up at the night and saw this really bright green star shooting across the sky, and I said to myself, 'That's odd. Stars aren't green.' I mean unless you make cookies in a star shape and color them green! I'm not partial to green frosting though, tastes a little more sour than red and more sweet than yellow frosting. Not that I think green is all bad, I mean with you being a green pony yourself, I also like your mane, it's so bobby, like mine! GASP! We should be mane buddies! And we can make a party out of it, actually, I'll make it a DOUBLE party! I always make parties for ponies new in Ponyville."
Linda groggily opened her eyes, the colors everywhere were very bright, even in the night. Her head pounded hard and she reached up to put a hand to her temple. She was then greeted by a hoof pressing against her. The immediate shock caused her to fall to the ground and was greeted to stifled giggles from her rescuer.
"Oh dear, you look absolutely smashed! You must be good friends with Berry Punch, now there's a pony that takes partying seriously! By the way, did I mention my name was Pinkie Pie? I'll mention it anyway! I'm Pinkie Pie!"
***
Marian's eyes shot open as she found herself surrounded by apple trees. She couldn't remark to Richard now about how impressive it was that the backlash of such a machine could send her hurling through space into some unknown location. She remarked her new body with thoughtfulness after her initial shock, she was a green pony. Forget that she was a pony, no, she was green. She began running possibilities through her mind. Is this the same earth, but she changed? Or was she in another world and subsequently changed to a form appropriate to this earth?
She looked around for any sign of her notepad and was only greeted by the sight of more apple trees and a farm. She began nervously clacking her hooves together, she hadn't expected to lose the only thing that kept her from talking with others. Her glasses managed to survive the jump of dimensions and seemed to comically fall down slightly whenever she wanted to think. After finally shoving her glasses back up her snout one last time, she stood up and carefully maneuvered herself toward a large red barn. The only place she could reside for the night. How appropriate that her new life start after sleeping in a barn. Or if not a new life, a new adventure to get back home. And she'd need to find somepony to help her out.
***
Richard felt himself being carried away by guards. His head was too dizzy to make out anything. All he could see was colors mixing in with each other.
"Where 'm I?" he managed to croak out.
"Keep quiet, the princess wants to see you." came a forceful voice from one of the guards
Richard soon felt himself fall to the floor as a voice called out. "Hail! To the Princess of the Night, Luna!"
Richard heard that name and his ears and eyes perked up to see Luna cautiously eying him. He immediately stood and bowed down. "A good night to you, I trust you and your sister have been doing well ever since your incident as Nightmare Moon?"
A pin dropped in the great hall. Luna's eyes widened in shock and then furrowed angrily to the unknown unicorn that stood before her. "HOW DARE YOU REMIND ME OF THE HORROR WE BROUGHT UPON TO PONYVILLE! AND WHO ARE YOU TO DISCUSS MATTERS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SISTER?!" The lunar princess swooped down with a vengeance, but Richard kept his smile in front of the booming princess. After more threats and tales were told, eventually the princess stopped, perplexed by how unfazed this unicorn was.
"Who are you?" Luna asked, her eyes giving away her immense curiosity. Richard gave a bow and his horn shown brightly in the illuminated hall of the Canterlot castle.
"I am the unicorn, Radiant Radar. And I am a brony!"