//------------------------------//
// This is no time to be playing with your stupid bottle...BAKA! 
// Story: I am NOT a "Bratty Daughter"...BAKA! 
// by MythrilMoth 
//------------------------------//

"DOIN' THE SPELL!" Trixie exclaimed.

"TRIXIE, WAIT!" Starlight yelled.

*FLASH*

The Cutie Map vanished.

Silence fell over the throne room.

"Ta-da?" Trixie offered hesitantly.

Starlight stared at her.

Before she could say anything, an earsplitting scream filled the room.

Little Tree stormed into the room, her thighs held stiffly together, her hands determinedly holding her skirt down, a furious blush on her face. She marched right up to Trixie. "WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. DO?!" she demanded angrily.

Trixie blinked at her. "Umm...teleportation?"

"Little Tree? What...what's wrong?" Starlight asked.

Little Tree turned slowly to stare at her. "Wrong? What's WRONG?!" she screeched. "STUPID! Your stupid FRIEND here just...just...!" She squirmed, then blinked. "Wait. Where's my Map?"

The ponies looked at each other and blinked. "Umm...Trixie sort of...teleported it somewhere?" Starlight offered.

Little Tree blinked. "You teleported...the Cutie Map?" she asked slowly. "B-but..." She paused, blinking several times. "O-oh," she said softly. "OH..." Her blush deepened. "G-get it back!"

"We will, I promise," Starlight said. "Trixie, where did you send—"

"GET IT BACK NOW!" Little Tree screamed, grabbing Trixie and shaking her. As she shook Trixie, her skirt flared up...

Starlight blinked rapidly.

Spike stared, eyes wide. "Umm..." He coughed. "I, uhh...I've only been around humans a couple of times, but..." He tilted his head. "Human girls usually cover that up, don't they?"

Little Tree hurriedly dropped Trixie and sat down on the floor, pushing her skirt down around her bare nethers, her entire head burning scarlet. "STUPIDSTUPIDDUMMYDUMMYSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID!!" A shiver ran up her body. "This floor is freezing cold!"

"Umm..." Trixie blinked. "I'm...missing something here..."

"So's Little Tree," Spike said with a smirk. "I see Trottingham, I see Prance, what I don't see are Little Tree's—"

A giant crystal peach fell on Spike.

"Wrff iff," he mumbled from underneath it.

Starlight seized Little Tree in her magic and levitated her into the air. "WAGH!" Little Tree cried. "PUT ME DOWN, DUMBEST PONY EVER I HATE YOU!"

Ignoring her, Starlight held Little Tree up to examine her from all angles. She frowned. "Okay, I'm still not sure what you're so—" She idly conjured a shield to deflect a crystal peach, which rolled across the floor and crashed into a wall. "—so freaked out about other than Trixie losing the Cutie Map, but we'll get it back because I'm sure Trixie knows where it is, right?!"

"Oh yeah, totally totally," Trixie said, nodding confidently, a self-assured smile on her face. "No."

Starlight blinked, dropping Little Tree. "No?"

"Owie...stupid psycho pony..."

Trixie shrugged. "I mean, I don't know where it went? But I'm sure you can just, zap, teleport it right back...right?"

Starlight facehoofed. "No, because to do that, first I'd have to know where it is," she growled.

"...oh," Trixie said. "Huh. Oh well! I think I'm gonna go get some cinnamon nuts. Good luck finding that map...thingie!" She turned to trot out of the room...

Little Tree blocked her path, an unholy expression of demonic fury on her face. "You are going to find the Cutie Map," she growled. "Or I am going to make a great and powerful throw rug out of you."

Trixie blinked. "Eep?" she whimpered, cowering. "S-starlight? Help?"

Starlight flicked an ear. "Don't look at me," she said. "You lost the Map. It's kinda important. I don't blame her for being ticked off at you."

"Yeah, she probably feels naked without it," Spike said with a smirk. He tilted his head. "Huh, I wonder if that's what human Rarity looks—" An electric blue dome of magic protected him from another falling peach.

"Spike?" Starlight suggested sweetly, dropping her shield and levitating him to face her. "Maaaaybe you should stop teasing Little Tree about...whatever it is she's mad about."

Little Tree froze suddenly, her furious tirade against Trixie ending in mid-"DUMMY!" She looked at Spike. "Wait...other-Rarity," she said slowly. "That...that's it!" She pointed a finger at Trixie. "YOU! Go find the Cutie Map." She pointed at Starlight. "YOU," she said, "go through the portal with Spike and find other-Rarity. Tell her..." She paused, then squirmed and blushed. "T-tell her...you need to borrow some...p-panties..."

Starlight blinked. "Okay, two things. One, I've never been through the portal, I have literally no idea how to do anything you just said. Two, what are panties?"

"It's cool, I got this," Spike said with a snicker. "I'll be back in a few." He tottered out of the room.

Starlight stared after him, tilting her head. "O-okay," she said. "So...I guess Trixie and I will just...go look for the map...on our own..."

"Well hurry up and get going, DUMMY!" Little Tree demanded, crossing her arms and pouting.


* * * * *


It took Spike almost half an hour to find Rarity. "Rarity!" he called out as he scrambled frantically into the classroom. "We need your help!"

Rarity and Sunset Shimmer, who sat beside her, blinked. "Spike?" Rarity asked. "What are you doing at Canterlot High? Does Twilight know you're not—"

"Twilight's out of town, we have a little emergency back at the castle," Spike said.

"Castle—oh! Oh," Rarity said, eyes widening in understanding. "You're that Spike."

"Spike?" Sunset asked. "What's wrong? It must be serious if you came through the portal by yourself!"

"It's pretty bad," Spike said. "That idiot Trixie lost the Cutie Map."

Sunset gasped. "She did what?!" She shot to her feet. "That's...that's a real crisis! Twilight told me about...! If that's missing, then—"

"Yeah, Trixie and Starlight are out trying to find it before Twilight and the girls get back from Manehattan," Spike said dismissively. "It can't have gone just anywhere, Trixie isn't that powerful." He turned to Rarity. "Anyway, the reason I came here, I need to borrow some panties."

The already-hushed classroom fell into an even deeper hush.

Rarity stared at Spike. "I...I beg your pardon?"

"Panties!" Spike insisted. "Come on, I need some panties, fast!"

Snickers broke out in the room.

Rarity's cheeks flushed. "Umm...S-Spike..." She squirmed in her seat. "I...I don't know how...how these things work in Equestria, but...here, such a forward request is...is highly inappropriate..."

"Hang on," Sunset said. "Spike? What do you want with Rarity's panties?"

Rarity turned to glare at her as the snickering around the room intensified.

"S-sorry," Sunset said sheepishly. "I mean, umm...it's a bit of an...odd request..."

"It's too stupid to explain," Spike said. "Just...I really really need to take a pair of panties back to Equestria with me, it's literally the only reason I'm here. Please?"

"Excuse me," a frosty voice interrupted.

All eyes turned to the front of the room, where Ms. Harshwhinny stood in front of her desk, a severely annoyed expression on her face.

"I do not appreciate my class being interrupted by...by perverted talking dogs with an underwear fetish," she said. She pointed at the door. "Leave immediately or I will summon Animal Control!"

"But—"

"OUT!"

"Okay okay, sheesh," Spike muttered.

Rarity gave him a sympathetic look. "I'll...I'll see you after class," she said. "You can explain what this is all about and...and I'll try to help however I can."

"Okay," Spike said, padding out of the room, stares and whispers and snickers following him. "Yeesh," he muttered as he walked out into the hall. "Touchy..."

"Oh hi Spike!"

Spike looked up to see Pinkie Pie standing in front of him, smiling sunnily. "Hey Pinkie," he said.

"Why so glum, chum? What's up, pup?"

Spike shrugged. "Came here to borrow something from Rarity, that mean teacher threw me out of her class. Also, the kids were laughing at me and I think I embarrassed Rarity."

"Ohhhh..." Pinkie said, nodding. "Yeah, Harshwhinny can be a real crabby-crab." Her nose crinkled. "Wait. Which Spike are you? Twilight's talking doggie Spike, or may-actually-be-a-dragon-from-magical-pony-land Spike?"

"Definitely-actually-a-dragon-from-Equestria Spike," Spike said.

"Cool," Pinkie said. "So there's some kind of emergency?"

"Sort of," Spike said. "I just came here to borrow some panties."

Pinkie blinked. "Panties?"

"Yeah, panties," Spike said. "Kinda need 'em in a hurry."

"Well that's...kinda random, but no biggie," Pinkie said. Looking up and down the hall both ways twice, she squatted down low to the ground, reaching under her skirt. Spike blinked at her.

Slowly, Pinkie Pie peeled off her panties, taking care to keep herself mostly covered with her skirt the entire time. Once she had them around her knees, she stood up quickly, letting her skirt fall straight down, and casually kicked them off, catching them and offering them to Spike. "Here you go!" she said cheerfully. "One pair of pretty pink panties!"

"Uhh...thanks," Spike said dubiously, taking them in his mouth. A sugary, bubblegum-like smell assailed his delicate doggie nose. "Umm...but don't you, umm..." he mumbled through the silk. He dropped them, then said, "I mean, are you okay without—"

"Eh, wouldn't be the first time I've gone commando at school," Pinkie said with a shrug. "Don't worry about me! Hope this helps!"

"Yeah, it should, thanks!" Spike picked the panties back up again, then scampered out of the school, headed for the statue. He ran right past Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna, who were walking through the foyer carrying cups of coffee.

They blinked.

"Celestia?" Luna asked slowly. "Was...was that Twilight Sparkle's dog?"

"I believe so," Celestia said.

"Was he...was he carrying a pair of panties in his mouth?"

"He certainly was."

"Is this...is this something we need to worry about?"

Celestia considered this. "No...I believe this is more Sunset Shimmer's problem," she said. "Besides, we have too much paperwork to do..."


* * * * *


"Ew, these are all wet and slobbery," Little Tree complained as Spike presented the panties to her. "I'm not putting these on!"

"Whaddya want, I turn into a dog when I go to that world," Spike said. "Here, I think we can air-dry those..."

A little dragon flame and a few minutes later, the panties were mostly dry and smelled even more strongly of bubblegum. Little Tree started to put them on, then stoppped when she noticed Spike was watching her. "T-turn around!" she insisted, blushing.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Okay okay," he said, turning his back.

A minute later, Little Tree let out a sigh. "Okay, I have them on," she said. "I can still feel your icky drool all over them though," she complained.

Spike groaned. "Whatever. I'm gonna go back to reading my comics. Let me know when those two idiots get back with the Cutie Map..."


* * * * *


"Well, here it is," Trixie said proudly, gesturing to the map table with a hoof. "Trixie knew she would find the misplaced Map!"

"Great," Starlight said tiredly. "Now we just need to get it back before Twilight gets home."

As they used a combination of magic, hoof power, and a wagon to haul the heavy crystal table back to the castle, Trixie commented, "I wonder why that annoying tree girl was so angry about us losing this thing in the first place."

"Well..." Starlight frowned. "She did say the Cutie Map is her heart the first time I met her," she said. "I guess...I can understand what she'd be so mad about."

"Oh," Trixie said. She worried at her lip. "Does...does Trixie owe the tree girl an apology?"

"I think you should definitely apologize to her, yeah," Starlight said.

The instant they crossed the threshold of the castle, they were beset upon by Little Tree. "MY PANTIES! WHERE ARE THEY?" she cried.

Trixie and Starlight blinked at each other. "Panties?" Trixie asked.

"Okay, seriously, what are panties," Starlight said flatly. "We got the stupid Map back, by the way, you're welcome."

Little Tree blinked. "Oh," she said softly. "Y-yeah...that's...that's pretty important too." She shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Umm...let's put it back...where it belongs..." She folded her hands together and closed her eyes. Her hat began to glow...

The entire castle lit up brilliantly from within. The Cutie Map rose out of the wagon they'd used to haul it to the castle, sliding across the floor of its own accord. Starlight, Trixie, and Spike watched as it slid into the throne room; the thrones parted to make way for it with a loud grinding sound. After a long moment of crystals grinding against crystals with grinding, grating, glassy sounds that made the two ponies and one dragon's teeth hurt, the throne room was perfectly restored to its original condition, the Cutie Map shining peacefully in the circle of thrones.

A beam of light shot out of the center of the table, stretching to the ceiling. A pair of white silk panties with a little sky-blue bow on the front materialized within the beam, spinning serenely in place. Little Tree walked over to the table and gingerly took hold of them, clutching them to her chest as she heaved a relieved sigh.

Starlight blinked. "Wait. That's what she's been so freaked out about?"

"Yep," Spike said with a smirk.

Trixie tilted her head. "Trixie...does not understand," she said slowly.

"I don't either," Starlight said. "Little Tree, I thought you said the Cutie Map was your heart. That...doesn't look like a heart."

Little Tree turned to face them, blushing furiously. "It was a metaphor, okay?" she snapped. "Besides, how was I supposed to know which...which bits of this stupid human body represent which parts of my actual tree body?" With that, she stomped off, her nose pointed in the air, her panties—which may or may not be her heart—clasped delicately to her bosom.

The ponies and Spike watched her go.

"Well that happened," Spike said wryly.