Equestrian Fanfiction

by Lise


The Sword/Shield Review

Hey, everypony! I know I usually only do reviews of MC scrolls, but I've been asked by several people to do an somewhat longer review of a Sword/Shield Lover (including by a certain somepony I can't say no to… ^^’) Since this is ongoing I'll only review the first chapter.

Also,I got to spend a lot of time with ManyFaces in Danny form and I have to make up for it O:) (Many, you are the best! You you ever come to Cloudsdale let me know.)

So, the story…

First of all, let me say it's interesting to have the main character be a girl. When I first started it, I thought Sparta was just another self insert, but she's wonderful as a character (not Molly material, but very close). I'm glad she comes with her shortcomings (color blindness in a fic isn't something I've seen before) and strengths.

The fic starts with Sparta having a normal day at school (she's in the same school as Molly, but not the same class). Everything seems normal until we have tie in with a MC adventure as a result of which we learn that Sparta has been keeping a diary full of interesting events that are linked with Felina corp). Sneaking out from home one night (since she's keeping her obsession severely from her parents who are pressuring her to find a boyfriend), Sparta follows a Felina shipment that is intercepted by the gr8 (“Inward Troubles”). The interesting thing is that while most of the CEO witches are busy fighting Danny and co, she manages to steal the Sword/Shield and runs off.

Getting the item, naturally gets the corp on her tail (they come go to her school, visit her parents, etc.) There's a very sweet cameo by Molly who’s wondering if she's doing okay (and also shares her crush on Bellucio). Sparta, feeling the pressure, takes the Sword/Shield from her home and does to her hiding place in the forest (I assume that's Draftwood, but I can't be certain). She shares how happy she is and how the artifact is the best thing in her life…which of course helps it transform slightly (glowing and such).

At that point corporate goons located her location and attack. Sparta is pretty bad at fighting (even if she's had combat lessons) but the sword seems to move on its own making do with them. Then (predictably) a pair of corporate witches appear and use magic on Sparta. (I like how they go directly, no walk or explanations, just start zapping with fire and ice.) the sword transforms into a shield and protects her in both instances. Also, at that point the sword/shield starts talking giving her instructions.

The fight scene that follows is quite interesting (though might need some more work). Ultimately, Sparta wins (stop sign to the head to defeat a corporate witch was a nice touch :)). The artifact then talks with her and some chit chat transforms into a human male. It/he mentions he's a changeling and needs love to use his skills and survive at which point Sparta completely falls for him (doing the classic lip bite).


A very promising story, and from what I read on it gets better. I also read the author’s other stories and they are quite nice. (If anything I could tell this one of her first attempts.) In any event, a huge shoutout to @HoofTies!

Keep writing, mare! Your ideas are great! :)

PrinceEric

@PrinceEric: it's a stallion.

And while it could definitely use some editing, it's very well written from a narrative point. I think the editor group could help out here? I'm a bit occupied, sadly.

Jade

@PrinceEric: did you seriously call the corporate witches CEO witches? Wow. I'm flattered :).

I can't believe I hadn't read this. I thought I'd read all the action fics (the popular/good ones, that is). Guess I know what I'll be doing after work and before going to Brush.

CEOWitch

@CEOWitch: Already ahead of you, sweetie :) We’ll discuss it when you get here ;)

Brush

@Jade: ha! I'm sure you're occupied with lots of Max :P

@Feather, @LightSparkle: you wanna take it? I could.

RRBB

@RRBB: Having an important conversation with my mother right now! And I've spoken to HoofTies. They don't want an editor.

I'm glad that the story got some attention, though. It's one of my (many) favorite on the site and a rare changeling story.

LightSparkle

@Jade: no way I'm a stallion! Thanks for the comments, though :) And thanks, Eric. I kinda like your reviews :)

HoofTies

I personally, think that the author is a changeling. There's far too much specificity regarding changeling behavior for it to be anyone else. I mean, a lot can be guessed by knowing a changeling, sure, but some details (looking at the author’s other stories) are changeling exclusive.

In any event, I'm very happy you decided to write, HoofTies :) Your stories are a joy to behold and make ponies think about things. :) Please, write more.

DarkSparkle

This is so magnificent! Wow, wow, and wow! I think I know who the author is! :D (not saying, though.)

ManyFaces

@CEOWitch: Ooops, sorry. O:) I guess I just think highly of you :P

I'll definitely keep reading it, but not sure I'll be able to do other reviews. :( The next Everhere scroll is expected tomorrow, and after that we'll have the next 3 chapters of Chosen, and maybe Butterfly this month… So many things, so little time.

PrinceEric

@all: I just want to say that it's nice that everypony is excited about some of the stories, but not all authors want to be well known. So, let's please keep their privacy, okay? :)

HoofTies is a magnificent Nightling, I've had the pleasure to meet on a few onccasions and can assure you there are very good reasons for them to remain anonymous. Let's just enjoy there writing, okay?

As for the story itself… more! :)

LyraHands

@LightSparkle: I'll be cool with you being my editor, if you want to.

@LyraHands: Thanks.

HoofTies

@HoofTies: Heartbroken! I'll go drown my sorrows in Squishy! :P

Nah, it's all good. I needed some Squishy anyway :)

RRBB

I like changeling boys… O:)

Brush