CHAPTER 1:
Oh Spike, you magnificent bastard. Look at you! You're amazing. Incredible. Alluring, and so, so, bad. Please frolic me silly.
"Excuse me? You dare disturb my lair so you can ask for...sex?"
"Yes."
"Fair enough. With some alternative hair styling I suppose you can pass for Rarity."
"Sweet! I'll get the aphrodesiac and the dil..."
"No, no, that won't be necessary. I... uh... shoot, look, I'm sorry, I'm just... I just got all evil, and then ponies start avoiding me. Like, Twilight goes away for a week on vacation, and then next thing you know I'm enmeshed in the dark arts and summoning demons from the great beyond. And now I'm an evil nightmare-ish figure, or well, I'm supposed to be, but like, I can't do this evil thing too well. Like, you know, I went through the whole greed thing a few years ago, and I feel like if I hadn't, the nightmare in me would have exploited that, but I did, and now you know, the whole thing just feels blasé. So here I am, a fifty foot monstrosity holed up in this crystal castle with a bunch of books, but everypony is afraid of me, so I sit alone on my hoard of knowledge. But what good is all the knowledge in the world, if you don't have friends to share it with?"
Tristan was taken aback. "I, uh... I mean, the great and power Trix...er... Tristan! Well, originally Tristan was going to come ask If Twilight knew any spells to switch back back the uh... effects of this poison joke. But then Tristan figured, as long as Tristan has this dongle, might as well try it out, right?"
Spikemare blushed. "Well, I just appreciate you visiting. But I must ask: How on Equis did you know know Twilight was on vacation and I had turned into a Spikemare?"
"Oh, no, I've been in my wagon bonking Starlight all week."