Welcome to Pony Vale

by SuperCyclone


9 - Faceless

Silence is golden. Words are vibrations. Thoughts are magic.

Welcome to Pony Vale

Hello again dear listeners. Now before we get started, I understand the confusion and questions you may all have about how I survived my horrific experience with the Tall Faceless Pony. It’s quite the story. However, I should really get into some of the more important stuff or Station management will just kill me! Or...at least I hope that’s all they’ll do to me.

Now, Pony Vale, I’m sure you’re wondering what has happened recently with our time. I mean, between yesterday and today it has felt like months! Well, today I went to talk to the Princess about this at her castle. When I got there she looked at me with such a flabbergasted expression and hugged me, and I hugged back. I explained to her what had happened and she just smiled and wiped the wet tears off of her eyes. I then asked her why time in Pony Vale is strange, but she gave me a confused look and asked, “You notice this too?”

After a couple of hours of research, she discovered that time has just stopped working, that there is no real explanation as to why it has felt like years. This is quite the predicament , dear listeners. But I trust we’ll get by.

Now on to my story on how I survived. Well, as you know I was hiding under my desk trying to avoid the Tall Faceless Pony’s eyes, if it had any, as they scanned the room, hunting me down. Then, I felt his breath down my neck, hot and warm, slimy, and wet. I quickly went to run for the emergency door which was on top of the roof of my desk. My plan was to get my cup of coffee and throw it at the beast whilst I made my escape by flying to the door, typing in the secret code, giving it my blood, and singing I CAN’T FEEL MY BODY, OH YES MY BODY AND LIMBS ARE GONE, AND WHY AM I EVEN LIVING by Countess Coloratura in order to open the door.

Unfortunately, I only got the one month warranty so the emergency exit no longer worked. And as I had realized this, the Tall Faceless Pony grabbed me with its dark tendrils and proceeded to give this hollow bellow laugh. I felt the life coming out of me. Every last breath, each little memory, all of my blood draining from my soul. I could see it, my life, in an instant. Flashes of wonderful moments with my mother, precious memories of talking to all of you sweet listeners, and my favorite times with Twilight Sparkle. It was all about to end...

...THE NEXT PART OF MY STORY COMING UP! But for now, let’s have a look at today’s Horoscopes.

Leo: Bet all your money on purple! Bet all of your furniture and personal belongings. All those material items were just weighing you down. Soon, you’ll be freer than the rest of us.

Virgo: You know that one spot on your back that itches and itches and you just can’t reach? Well, soon you won’t have to worry about that or anything else after tomorrow night.

Libra: Draw your loved ones closer to you, that first sketch you did of them was no good. Draw them like CLOSER to you. There’s too much white space and smudges everywhere. How are you supposed to love your loved ones if you can’t even draw them right?

Scorpio: Okay, I think we all know by now that this is the sign of...Ugh!!! Trixie Lulamoon, who is a wondering travel doing “magic tricks” that is now living here in Pony Vale. And usually the horoscope for Scorpio just turns it to be something mean. Purely through the unknowable combination of fate and random chance that is the meaning of the stars. But Trixie said that the stars better knock that off! Especially if they want to go on a date with her this Friday at Pony Vale’s newest restaurant, Tourniquet. So let’s see how this goes.

Scorpio things are looking bright, look at your confidence, you’re beautiful body, your chubby and oversized face. No really I hope you don’t even fall on it even once! How terrible it would be if that happened! But it probably won’t though do there you go, Scorpios.

Sagittarius: Hahahahaha, HAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Capricorn: Things will fall apart, the distant moon cannot hold, the hot sun will fade and everything is ending! So your history project will not go well this week. There’s just too much blood.

Aquarius: Hold on a second, how are most of you here? Didn’t you all freeze in that cold blizzar-oh wait a moment! Sorry I was reading next week’s horoscopes. Anyways yep, today is looking great, but I wouldn’t recommend going to the Crystal Empire next week. Who knows what could happen.

Pisces: If you don’t have anything nice to say, then yell something mean. I mean there’s a lot of options for having to say something.

Aries: Okay so this is just a picture of a foal, and the foal is painting a little village with many ponies in it. And on the brush it says, You took this away from me! And she has this painful smile on her face with tears coming out of her eyes except it’s blood, and the ponies in the painting are skeletons and are also smiling. And Aries, I think you’re the painting.

Taurus: Stay In your home, Taurus. Don’t leave. Stay here! Stay here with us! And we can play some board games! Have fun.

Gemini: It says you have a date with the dog park. And that you will also need to bring a piece of paper, some food, and a weapon of choice. Good luck.

Cancer: Now this just says chainsaw accident! ...so I bet that’s a metaphor for something really good.

I’ve just gotten word that a group of hornets made up entirely out of marbles has attacked Trixie. Huh, it says here that she just happened to be passing by when the nest fell down onto her head and then they proceeded to sting her. As they finished stinging her, she was taken to the hospital and bandaged up. One of the nurses said that she saw some weird black writing painted on Trixie’s cape that said, “Every little girl wants to be a princess.”

The nurse then left the room screaming and pulling her mane out but not before shouting, “It’s funny because it’s sarcasm!”

Well, while I don’t think that everyone should be hurt for their wrongdoings, Trixie had it coming. Maybe that’ll teach her to not fake magic, or cause my hat to “disappear.”

And now a word from our sponsors:

Okay, so I was just handed a tape with nothing written on it. Okay I’m going to play it and describe to you what happens as it is being played. And her we go. Okay so it’s showing unicorn making a sandwich and then eating it. Now there are big red letters with the text saying, THERE MUST BE ANOTHER WAY. Now he’s back in the kitchen and he is confused as if he’s done this before, he is making the sandwich again and in his confusion has not paid attention to the knife and-Oh oh my Celestia now he is screaming. The text is back saying THERE MUST BE ANOTHER WAY. Now he is back in the kitchen again and is panicking. He drops his sandwich and has slipped and hit his head against the counter. THERE MUST BE ANOTHER WAY, the text reads again. Now he is running away from the kitchen and out of his house with the camera following him, but there’s no one shown to be following him. Oh my, now a large crevice has opened up and swallowed him whole. Again THERE MUST BE ANOTHER WAY. Now he is back in the kitchen, he is pale, and is sobbing excessively. How long is this?!

Okay, so I just pulled it out and it looks like it runs on for another 7 hours. I think I’ll just watch this little by little and maybe we’ll finally know who’s sponsoring this show.

Now, let’s have a look at today’s weather.



Welcome back, sweet listeners. Now about how I was saved from my impending doom and entrance towards oblivion.

Well, as I was in the air being strangled to death, the door to my studio flung open. And Intern Wuten came to my aid and threw me away from the beast. He then faced the pony as I began to get back up. I quickly told him to get out of there; however, he nodded no. He slowly turned to me, both of our eyes meeting, and shrugged replying, “Actually, I’m going to go with them. They say it’s not safe here anymore. I’m going to go, sorry boss.”

He took of his intern tag, laid it on the desk, and left with the Tall Faceless Pony. I’m not sure what caused him to leave, nor do I know where he is. But, to the family of Intern Wuten, he was a good intern, and he will be missed.

I guess this is it, the end of tonight’s show. Stay tuned next for the sound of swallowing and saws. Goodnight, Pony Vale. Goodnight.