I emerged from Twilight's castle into the light of day. The sun felt wrong. So did the ground underneath my wrong-feeling hooves. The air was sweet, and wrong. The entire world seemed just a little off. The chirps of the birds were melodic and rang clearly. I could hear excited squeals and found the source.
It seemed to be lunch or recess at the local school. The foals were playing and frolicking joyfully. I could see the forms of many ponies enjoying the wrongness. It wasn’t wrong, of course. I knew that, intellectually. So what was off?
It was me.
I was here to stay for awhile, maybe forever. The body that is me might be dead, but me, that un-scientific definition, was right there, in the body of a pony. Twilight had conveniently vanished. Why was she avoiding letting me know?
I wanted to be sure, one way or the other, that I was living or not. That wasn’t an unreasonable request, right? Maybe she already saw… Maybe she saw my bloated corpse somewhere and was afraid I’d finish melting down if I saw it.
Maybe I would.
I had arrived in town. I could scarcely remember the walk there. I had just kept walking, one hoof in front of the other, letting my gifted body manage itself.
“Hello,” came a voice to the left of a mare. “Darling, you look quite under the weather. I know that expression.”
“Do you?” It was Rarity. She was looking at me with obvious concern. We were scarcely friends. Did I look that bad? “I’ll be alright.” I couldn’t promise that.
“You’re not fooling anypony, dear.” Her horn lit up and she gave me a tug. “This way, dear. We’re going to break that tension, and you’re going to tell me all about it, and we’ll share a good cry together.”
I blinked before starting to follow the white unicorn. “Do you offer to share tears with every stallion that looks sad?”
“Oh heavens no, but you are no ordinary stallion, are you?” She looked back over her shoulder. “I have a good feeling a proper cry is on the menu, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I’ve cried pretty well today.” The argument sounded lame even as my lips formed the words. “I’m not sure it will help much.”
“That bad? Darling, that just means you need more, and a friend to share the problem with is always a plus. Maybe something sweet too. A little ice cream always helps clear my mind when things are at their worst.”
I had seen that episode; Rarity sprawled over her drama couch, sobbing wildly, stuffing herself with cartons of sweetness. I couldn’t help but smile a little at the memory. I knew more about her than she knew about me, on consideration. “Rarity.”
“Mmm?”
“May I tell you about my other self, the one that isn’t a stallion?”
“I was hoping you’d offer that.” She approached a building that advertised itself as a spa. “Today we are two mares who are going to be pampered by the two best ponies for the job in all of Ponyville.”
I could feel parts bumping around that did not belong on a mare, but I appreciated the thought. A ticklish thought grabbed me. “Rarity, if I’m… stuck here, what are the odds some magic could be used to at least let me be a woman again?”
“Woman? Oh, a mare?” Rarity gave a little shrug. “Twilight would be the expert there, darling, but I’d be surprised if she couldn’t dig something up. Let’s put that aside and start with why you feel stuck.” She walked up towards the counter where a bright pink pony waited.
“Rarity! A pleasure to see you as always.” She had an adorable little accent. “Who is this handsome stallion you have brought with you? Have you found the special one?” She was looking me up and down approvingly. "This is the second time you have brought him, isn't it?"
Rarity deflected the notion with a titter. “I should be so lucky. No, my friend here, True Shot, is in need of your services, and I plan to accompany him and continue our conversation. We have heavy things to discuss and I think your touch could help lighten it.”
With a rhythmic clop, another pony that looked like a mirrored clone of the first emerged. “Together, we will gladly help.” They introduced themselves, Aloe and Lotus were their names even if I had met one of them previously, and took us to some massage tables that appeared rigged for equine anatomy, which made sense, given what we all were.
It was not what was shown on the cartoon. We stepped up onto them, our legs snugly held. I thought it would be uncomfortable, but once I relaxed, the table supported me in all the right ways, especially after our caretakers adjusted it to match my shape perfectly.
Then the massage began. She was merciless in finding tension, and an angel at banishing them away. Her hooves felt like the softest touches despite hooves being such hard things, at least until she decided some deep tissue needed reaching, then she just reached in, or so it felt, and got to work. Every part of my body was exposed to her, despite any amount of flesh in the way.
Rarity sighed a sigh of utter contentment. “I can see it’s already working on you, darling. Now that you’re relaxing, start from the top and tell me what’s happened.”
So I did. I couldn’t figure out a reason to hide it from her. I told her about swimming, and the sea pony, and the return trip and Twilight and possibly dying on the beach. “The worst part, the absolutely worst part is just the uncertainty.”
“I should imagine…” Her words were like a gust of air. “I can scarcely think of that hovering over my head. No wonder you looked so dreadful, dear, poor thing.”
“That is an amazing story,” noted Aloe, my massage therapist. “Is it true?”
I huffed in a snort, annoyed by the question. “Would Rarity be with a liar?”
“I suppose not.” She swatted my rump, making me jump. “It is time for a steam bath. You two can continue talking there before we move on.”
Rarity trotted past me. “A curious defense, darling. I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I do deal with some… interesting characters. Now were I Applejack, that statement would hold more certainty, mmm. Let’s go.”
We strode forward to speak about my human life, the one I hoped to reclaim.
Starlight gave a triumphant cry as she pressed an icon on Linda’s phone. “Found it.”
“What’d you find?” asked Tod curiously, Trixie matching the expression as both leaned in to see what she was doing.
It was the app that allowed Linda to call for a ride. “Best part, no signatures required. We can get to the beach without any hassles.” Starlight tapped furiously at it. “Tod, do you know the address of this house?”
“Sure.” He took the phone when offered and quickly entered the house’s address before passing it back. “I hope she’s alright.”
“So do I.” Starlight pressed the final button. “They’ll be here in a few minutes, let’s wait outside.”
The three left the bedroom and started for the stairs. It was smooth sailing until they reached the living room, where a few adults, including Linda’s Mother, sat. She noticed them quickly. “Where are you all going?”
Trixie gestured in a direction that likely didn’t match where they were going. “She is going to try and find Linda. Waiting will only get us so much.”
Linda’s mother looked almost guilty. “Oh… You really are good friends. Tod’s going with you? Do your parents know?”
“No, we don’t,” came another voice in the room. His father emerged into sight. “You don’t have to humor him if he insisted on coming.”
Starlight shook her head as her hands rose together. “It’s no problem. He knows the area better than either of us, and we’ll keep an eye on him.”
“And we won’t go in any water.” Trixie smiled dazzlingly.
“Yeah, don’t…”
Starlight nudged Trixie before moving for the door. “Our ride will be here in a moment. Here’s to hoping she just turns up any minute now, but we’re going to try our best.” A thought occurred to her and she lifted Linda’s phone into sight. “We have her phone, so call us on that if you need to reach any of us.”
They gave communal calls for luck and the group escaped into the front yard. Starlight pocketed the phone away. “I’m actually glad we ran into them. They’ll know where we are and how to reach us, and nobody’ll be worried about any of us.” She hiked a thumb at Tod. “Especially you.”
Their UberLyft car arrived and whisked them to the beach where it all began in short order. Starlight jumped when her borrowed phone made a loud chime after they had arrived. It was asking how their ride was. “I guess it was alright.” She pressed the three out of five star rating.
The app told her it would avoid matching her with that driver. She blinked in confusion. “I thought 3/5 was ‘okay’, not bad.”
Trixie peered over Starlight’s shoulder to see. “Humans have a strange system of ratings. He complimented Trixie’s hair. He receives 4/5 according to her. She would consider a five if he recognized Trixie.”
“Humans?” Both girls turned to look at Tod. “Right… Uh, so, here we are. How are we finding Auntie Linda?”
Trixie stuck out her tongue. “She has learned quickly and may have omitted a fact from what she told that director person.”
Starlight brightened. “I know that tone. Tell me what wonderful thing you have waiting for us.”
Trixie reached up and adjusted her pointed hat. “I may have learned a trick or two I said I did not.” She pulled out a stone from a pocket. “Behold!”
Tod peered at it doubtfully. “It’s a rock?”
“Not any rock.” Trixie looked completely confident, arms crossed and stance sure. “This one will guide us where we need to be.”
Starlight suddenly remembered and clapped her hands. “That’s the one that’s been through Linda, isn't it?”
“Exactly, and unlike living things, it still remembers.”
Tod kept his thoughts to himself.
Starlight reached for the stone. “Fantastic! Let’s get going.”
Trixie drew it away from Starlight. “Exactly one of us is ready to do that, and that one is Trixie. Let her handle it.” She lifted the rock up and did a slow turn with it extended. It glowed faintly as she did so, becoming only faintly dimmer or brighter as she went. She homed in on the brightest direction and began to walk forward. “Linda awaits!”
Tod couldn’t remain silent and tugged lightly on Starlight’s sleeve as they went. “Mmm?” she asked. “What’s up?”
“Are you a pony? I mean, that’s pretty cool if you are. I won’t tell anyone.”
Starlight let out a nervous little laugh. “W-what? Me? I’m pretty obviously a human. See, fingers.” She wriggled her fingers at Tod. “A complete lack of fur, no tail, no horn. No ponies here.”
“I wasn’t born yesterday.” Tod stepped up towards Trixie. “She, look. You can trust me.”
Trixie glanced to the right where Tod was walking alongside her. “What reason have you given for Trixie to have any trust in you, eavesdropper?”
Tod had the dignity to pinken at the accurate accusation. “You two were acting weird since I met you… Then Linda vanishes when she’s swimming with her.” He hiked a thumb at Starlight. “I thought maybe you knew something… And you do!” The thumb turned into a pointing at the rock Trixie was holding. “Look, I love Trixie, she’s great.”
“She is,” easily agreed Trixie. “But she thinks you are just saying that. You have not seen Trixie perform much.”
“You helped save Equestria. Isn’t that enough?”
Trixie stopped dead in her tracks. “What?”
“With Starlight.” He loooked towards her. “Is Discord here? Man, he’d fix this all in a flash!”
Starlight groaned at the idea. “Or double the problems. He’s a bit of a loose cannon. He means the best, but still…” Then she realized what she was saying. “Which I know from watching the show.”
“And not because you are pretty obviously Starlight and Trixie?” He gave Trixie a light poke on her closer arm. “Why are you fat? You weren’t fat as a pony.”
“Trixie is not fat!” She put her hands on her hips, rock pressing into her form. “She is bountifully curved in just the right way to attract the human eye.”
Tod went quiet a moment. “You’re, um, pretty.”
Trixie’s expression recovered. “She thanks you for noticing.”
Starlight stepped between them. “Enough. Fine. We are what you think we are, now kindly be quiet about it. You’ll just get Linda in more trouble. We’re here to find her, right?”