//------------------------------//
// Tea With God 
// Story: The Day the Sky Changed 
// by Midnightshadow 
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Tea with God



Note: This story is every bit as pretentious as it sounds, and is almost designed to cause nausea, vomiting and a great amount of blood-spitting. I can't advise anyone to read it, I don't particularly think it's any good, but what the fuck. Here it is.





        David smiled at the pony and nodded politely at the human technician. He felt good, very good. He was going to meet her. His heart jumped in his chest, he had butterflies in his stomach. he couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot. He’d been floating on air the entire time he’d been waiting his turn at the Bureau, listening to the masses babbling about their experiences had reassured him. Each one spoke of the vision, the beauty, once they returned. He shook his head, still grinning to himself. They didn’t understand, how could they?
        Celestia accepted everyone, with open arms, just like she should. She spoke of love and friendship as she raised the son and tended the moon.She brought her land amongst the fallen and offered it to them, those would just... accept her.
        David knew the secret though, it was hidden in plain sight, you just had to have the right eyes to see it.
        “Now, David is it? If you’re sure, just drink this down and you’ll fall asleep. When you wake up, you’ll be a pony.”
        “It’s okay, nurse, I know the drill. I have been preparing for this day, fasting.”
        The nurse looked worried for a few moments, “Your body will be going through a lot of changes, you’re going to be very hungry when you wake up if you’ve been fasting.”
        “It was necessary, ma’am, that I am both spiritually and physically cleansed for my Conversion.”
        “Hey, hey now, I...”
        “Ah-ah-aahh, none of that. I am an adult, I have signed all of your papers, I am fully aware of what I am doing. You have no right to hold me back from my salvation.”
        The nurse looked pained, “Sir, we have... quite a few with your particular... views pass through these doors. Please, reconsider.”
        David all but snatched the cup from her fingers, “I will not be denied, madame, if you attempt such a thing one more time, I shall lodge a formal complaint.”
        The nurse sighed, nodding, “Of course, sir. We’ll be waiting.” She smiled, suddenly, and David smiled back. She was one of the unsaved, he wasn’t sure why. Was she here just to turn away the righteous? He thought nothing more of it, and threw back his head and downed the potion. “I’m going to meet her, the new lamb reborn.” he said, before his head hit the padded recliner.
The nurse sighed, stroking the man’s hair. They were always so sure.

David wandered amongst the darkness, but he was not afraid. He likened it to the fabled valley of death, but he feared no evil. His God was with him, albeit it in the form of a Goddess. David knew though, he knew. She was no mere earthpony, unicorn or pegasus. He knew what the wings and the horn meant. She was Him returned, the son, bringing everlasting peace and happiness. All sins forgiven, the world made new for the faithful. He fell to his knees as the pony shapes bustled around him. He knew the masses would have followed them, but he held firm. He passed with them, kneeling, through the grasses, the world rushing around him. As he was thrown into the air, spinning and whirling, he prayed all the harder. The pegasi rustled around him, bustled and pushed and nudged, but he would not turn from his path.
The great citadel grew large before him and horned unicorns split the aether with their magics, twisting and shaping the powers of the ancients at their whim. He paused - times were such things would be witchcraft, but the answer was logical and easy. She had made all things new, fulfilled the old laws, swept them away. Magic was alright when it was at her whim, her behest. They were pure, and good, and it was right.

Finally, he found himself kneeling in the centre of a great room, on soft plush carpets. A lone figure walked up to him, nuzzled him with a muzzle.
“Hello,” she said.
David kept his eyes screwed shut tight, the sight of God was not for mortal man, he knew. The sound of her voice should have been enough to obliterate him.
“Would you like some tea?” the voice asked.
David risked a peek. The alicorn princess stood before him, resplendent in her flowing mane and tail. He abased himself before her, “Oh Mighty One, Oh bringer of peace, ruler of my heart. The one true--”
“It really is rather good tea.” she interrupted, her horn glowing softly as a service-tray floated in front of him. A table, low slung near to the ground in a manner similar to the Japanese, followed, and the tea tray clinked lightly. Two cups were filled with clear, light-brown steaming liquid. One raised to the lips of the princess, and she slurped it demurely.
“It’ll get cold,” she prompted, “and unless it’s ice tea, I don’t recommend it.”
David, with shaking hands, picked up the cup. He took a sip, then another. It was unsweetened, yet more than palatable.
“It’s good, isn’t it? I used to trade for it from the dragons, now I grow my own. I have a bush or two in the gardens.”
“Thank you.” replied David.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” replied Celestia. She eased herself down onto the floor, sinking into the plush shag pile, “Now, tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I...” David was confused. Hadn’t he passed every test?
“I can’t help but notice you haven’t... chosen. Most humans who come here have taken four legs already.”
“I thought... you wanted...”
Celestia sighed, “I wanted to give you a new life, new hope, happiness, nothing more. Tell me, child, what is troubling you?”
“I’m here to meet my saviour,” he said, “what could possibly be troubling me?”
Celestia sipped her tea, “Tell me about yourself.”
“D-don’t you already know?”
Celestia smiled, softly, “I see into your heart, child, not your head. What did you think you would find here?”
David’s face wore a troubled expression, “Y-you’re God, aren’t you?”
Celestia shook her head, “I don’t think so, certainly not the one you seek.”
“B-but you must be! It has all been foretold by prophecy!”
Celestia slurped her tea again, “Tell me about your prophecies then.”
“T-the end of days, the opening of the sky, rolling up of the stars, the new Israel - what e-else c-could it mean but Equestria?”
Celestia tapped her chin with a hoof, “Well, I do suppose an alien cosmos intruding on your world would seem a bit... special, but I’m quite sure I’m not this god you speak of.”
“I kept your holy commandments, lord!” squeaked David, hopefully.
“You haven’t drunk your tea though.”
David took a sip, it was cooling. “The Ten Commandments!”
“Ten, hmm? Let’s go through them, see what I think, okay? Start with number ten.”
“O-okay. thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.”
Celestia nodded, “We don’t own our wives here, or our husbands.” Celestia leaned closer, “Though sometimes I think things would be easier if we did.”
David choked on his tea, Celestia rolled her eyes. “Nor do we have servants, not bondservants in any event. We also don’t keep much livestock - very few animals here aren’t able to articulate their wishes, and I find it rather distasteful to keep any animal against their will. The rest though... we share a lot of things, us ponies,” Celestia sipped her tea again, “some ponies don’t consider anything truly theirs, so how could you covet it? Next.”
David cleared his throat, “Th-thou shalt not bear false witness.”
Celestia nodded again, “Sounds sensible. Lying is rarely a good idea.”
“Thou shalt not steal.” David was feeling better.
“Oh, I have to agree there. Eminently sensible, where ownership is an issue at least. This land has plenty, I have my little ponies to thank for that, so it’s rarely an issue.”
“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Celestia poured more tea, “Adultery?”
“M-marriage.”
“Ah. No, no, can’t say that’s really a problem here. If two ponies love each other, or three, or more, that’s hardly my business to interfere. True, it’s simpler with two, but why should I interfere?”
David spluttered, “but, but... holy matrimony!”
“I’m not god, remember? It’s all a... how do you call it? A social contract? I do officiate from time to time, but mating really is something that just happens. The herd is a better group than just a family, child. If exact lineage is a problem, there are spells to tell whose is whose.”
“Thou shalt not kill.”
“You humans need that as a rule?” Celestia frowned, “I am disappointed.”
“Honour thy father and thy mother.” David squeaked, her disdain was palpable.
“Do you really feel you need a rule for that?”
“They’re more... guidelines we should all follow.”
“Ah, in that case. Go on.”
“Keep the seventh day holy.”
“Which day is that again?”
“Sunday, of course!” David said.
Celestia slurped her tea, and just looked, calmly, at the sweating man before her.
“O-of course, some th-think it’s Saturday...”
“I think a couple of days of rest between workdays is a good idea, but I won’t force anypony, that would be silly. Go on.”
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord the God in Vain.”
Celestia laughed at that one, “I believe a favourite epithet amongst the youth is ‘By Celestia’s bright blue beard!’. I shall grow a beard, one day, and show it off. I wonder what they’d say?”
David choked on his tea.
A hoof slapped him carefully on the back. "Are you quite alright?"
"Y-yes," David managed, hoarsely, "I am."
"Number 2?"
"Graven images!"
"No engraving?" Celestia's eyes glittered as a small smile graced her immaculate muzzle.
"No, graven. No graven images."
"What does that mean?"
"Uh... it kind of means no worshipping false gods. And no making pictures of you, Lord."
Celestia raised an eyebrow, "No pictures of me? Preposterous! I mean, I don't think everypony should be forced to have a picture of me, but still, I do enjoy a good painting, and a picture commemorating a particularly fine building or meeting - why, what better way could there be?" Celestia slurped her tea again, placing the now-empty cup down and refilling it. "I suppose we have time for one more. You did say there were ten?"
"B-but..."
"Out with it, my little pony."
"No other gods."
"Oh, well, I don't think it's my business if some of you think it necessary to talk to the stars, or the trees. Or giant rocks... it does become a bit of a problem for some ponies when sacks of flour stalk talking back, but still. Oh my, well, how many does that leave us?"
"Uh... good ideas? Or l-laws?"
"Laws." Celestia stared, unblinking at the small man.
"Uh... umm..."
"None."
David's heart sank. "None?"
"No, I think I trust my little ponies enough not to worry about the small stuff, and the rest of those just don't make a lot of sense. Little one, there must be more... sensible commandments from your alleged creator."
"H-he did say we should turn the other cheek."
Celestia stopped, mid-slurp, "Oh?"
"Yes, he said we should be compassionate and kind. And we should love and understand each other."
"Oh that sounds much more sensible! In that case, I think you'll get along famously. Come now, if you are prepared to take these commandments into your heart, you may just be ready to take the next step... on hooves."
"Can I... and you will..."
"I care for all my little ponies, David, even the lost and confused. Be at peace. Sleep now, rest, and when you wake, you'll be taking your first steps into a brave new world. Come, lay your head against my flank."
Celestia guided him towards her, pulling him in with a wing. He felt so tired all of a sudden. He yawned, folding his legs under him, "Are you... sure?"
"Of course, little foal." She kissed him, almost tenderly, on the muzzle, and his eyes closed.

With a start, he woke up, blinking in the light of dawn as it filtered through the window blinds.
"Good morning, sleepy head!" the nurse called softly, "We were worried about you, you've been off with the fairies all night. Gave us quite a scare."
David blinked, "I'm... sorry," his new voice was soft, uncertain, "I... guess I needed the rest."
"Well, up and at 'em, whole new world for you to explore. Did you find your answers?"
"No, not really," David shook his head, "not to my questions. But I don't think I need them."