//------------------------------// // Chapter Three // Story: A Different Path // by StarFall825 //------------------------------// Late Saturday Night It was dark inside her apartment when Sunset opened the door. Reaching to the side of the entryway, she flipped a switch and the line of decorative lights she had wrapped around her place lit up, giving her enough light to see without being too bright. In the light she saw Starlight sitting at her kitchen table, staring at nothing. She'd removed her vest and beanie, and was sitting with her arms crossed. Juggling the bags she carried, Sunset tossed her keys onto the small counter next to the door and called out to her friend. “Starlight? I'm back.” Starlight looked up, seemingly surprised to see her. “Sunset, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.” “It's fine, just wondering what your doing sitting in the dark.” Sunset flipped on the kitchen lights, then walked up to the table and put the carry-out bags she was holding down. “I brought dinner, pasta, if you want it.” “That sounds great,” Starlight said with a smile, then pointed up to her shoulder. “I didn't want to get up and disturb Ray.” Sure enough, Sunset’s tiny leopard gecko was perched on her shoulder. “Fluttershy taught me how to handle and feed him while you were gone. I didn't want to get up and turn on any lights because I can feel him breathing and it's really relaxing. After yesterday, I needed the chance to just sit and think.” “Aw, Ray, you getting to know Starlight?” Sunset reached out her hand, finger extended, and Ray crawled onto it. “You're such a cutie Ray,” Sunset said as she walked him up the stairs to her bedroom. She put Ray in his cage and topped off his water bowl, and by the time she came back downstairs, Starlight had already laid out dinner, two plates of pasta and a salad for both. “You were gone all day,” Starlight said as she at back at the table. “Rainbow, Fluttershy and Twilight left hours ago.” “Twilight was here? She told me she was going to be busy studying this weekend.” “Yeah, well, I think Spike told her where you found me yesterday, she was giving me looks all afternoon. Thanks for not telling everyone exactly what happened by the way." “I hope they didn't give you too hard a time about yesterday,” Sunset said as she grabbed a couple water bottles from her fridge, handing one to Starlight as she sat down. “Wrong way.” Starlight flushed and turned the cap the other direction until she broke the seal. “Dash was pretty upset with me. I apologized though, and I think Twilight said something to her, cause she was pretty nice to me the rest of the day.” Starlight took a long swig of her water before putting the bottle down. “Interesting how some things between worlds are so similar while others...” Sunset flinched, but Starlight just picked up her fork and continued. “Anyways, Twilight answered some questions I had about your technology here, and Dash taught me how to play video games so at least I had fun today.” "Well, there's that at least." Sunset went ahead and started eating. “Thanks for the dinner, Sunset,” Starlight said gratefully, eager to settle her hunger. She started turning her fork over and over in her hand, trying to find a comfortable way to hold it. This is going to be much harder without magic, she thought in annoyance, and looked to her friend for help. When she saw Sunset’s knowing grin at her predicament, she gritted her teeth and held up the utensil. “How do I use this thing?” Sunset held up her own fork to show Starlight, then slowly and deliberately stabbed her pasta, spinning the fork to wrap the noodles in the fork’s tines. Starlight followed her example, but gave up trying to spin the fork with one hand, instead using her free one to spin. It took a couple tries, but she got it eventually. “I can see why you guys mostly fed me pizza last time I was here,” Starlight said as she lifted the pasta to her mouth and took a bite. The cheesy flavor washed over her tongue, and she moaned in pleasure. “I don't know if I'll ever get used to hands though.” They sat quietly for a time, just enjoying the good food. “You never did tell me where you were all day,” Starlight said as she pushed her salad plate to the side. Sunset paused, fork halfway to her mouth. She quickly took the bite of food, chewing slowly to think of how best to bring up her day. “I was doing some research on... well, uh, you. I looked up your... her name on the internet, even made some calls and went and talked to some people who knew her, teachers, even family.” “You didn't have to do that, Sunset,” Starlight said, but Sunset could tell she appreciated it from the look she gave her. They both turned back to the rest of their dinners. “Yeah, well, I wanted to know what happened as well,” Sunset said around a bite of salad. “Apparently, Starlight... I mean... you know what-who I mean.” Starlight grinned around a mouthful of food and rolled her eyes at her. “Right, sorry just nervous.” Starlight swallowed her food, then looked at Sunset with an intensity that made her nervous. “Please,” she said, “I need to know about her.” “Are you sure?" Sunset asked with some hesitation. "You wouldn't even talk to me about this last night.” “Like I said, I've had some time to think. Now I just want to know." “Right,” Sunset said, swallowing a lump of nervousness. “I'm, uh, not really sure where to start. What did you want to know?” “What was she like?” Starlight asked in a small voice. “That's really what made me curious enough to go look for her.” “Right, right,” Sunset said again, clearing her throat. “According to her father, she was always a bit of an outsider, kept to herself and... what is it?” Starlight had frozen mid bite, staring at Sunset. “Her father was alive?” Starlight asked, shock evident on her face. “Yeah, why? Is your... I mean, did your father-” “What did her father tell you?” Starlight interrupted, her expression making it clear any more questions about this would go unanswered. There were long moments of silence as Sunset tried to find something to say. Finally she decided it would be best to just continue. “Um, like her dad said, she was pretty isolated from other people. After she had to move away from her only friend,” Sunset saw a moment of recognition there, “he said she was never able to make a connection like that again. She never went anywhere or spent time with anyone. Her elementary school teacher I called said she spent her time reading or drawing instead of playing with other children. Apparently she was bullied a lot.” “Huh,” Starlight said thoughtfully. “I used to have bullies, but after a few scorched manes and tails, most ponies wisen up to not pick on the filly with a talent in magic." Sunset snorted in amusement. "What else did you learn.” Starlight stabbed another noodle, trying to force the slippery food to cooperate. “Well, turns out she was an artist, a painter.” Starlight looked at her with surprise. “Is that weird?” “I don't know, I had my magic growing up. I never really considered other hobbies. Well, other than... never mind, not really important.” Starlight scraped the last of her food into her mouth and stacked her plates to the side. “What did she paint?” “Landscapes, mostly. Her dad showed me some of her work. I'm not much of an art critic but they looked nice. Apparently she was pretty good at it, an art museum in Canterlot was interested in one of her pieces.” Starlight made a detached hmm, and sat there waiting. Sunset could feel the unspoken question in the air, but she ignored it and kept eating her food. One bite... Two bites... Three bites... Four bit- “Sunset, I think you know what I want to ask next.” "You want to know how she died?" Sunset asked as the chill from the other day took hold of her gut once more. Starlight locked eyesight with her and nodded. Sunset quickly took another bite of food, thinking furiously. What do I tell her? I... I could lie, but- “Did she kill herself?” Sunset spit her bite of food out in shock. The two stared at each other, Sunset in disbelief, Starlight with the same focused intensity from before. Sunset noticed she was gripping the edge of the table, her knuckles turning white from exertion. A line of sudden sweat ran down her face. “Sunset, did she commit suicide?” Starlight repeated when her friend just gaped at her. “Y-yes, how did you know that?” Starlight didn't answer, she just slowly stood up, her face twisting slightly as she tried to suppress her emotions... and something else. As she turned and stumbled out of the kitchen, Sunset quickly pushed away from the table and followed her. Starlight clumsily rushed her way into Sunset’s bathroom, the door slamming shut behind her. Sunset winced as she heard her friend losing her dinner into the toilet. Sunset waited a few minutes of dead silence before knocking on the bathroom door. “Starlight, are you okay?” Stupid question, Sunset thought to herself angrily. “I mean, do you need any help?” The door opened suddenly, startling Sunset into taking a few steps back. Starlight stood in the doorway, the bathroom light behind her making it hard to see her expression in the moment before she turned it off. Sunset took in the disheveled hair, red eyes, and tear streaked face in a glance, and her heart broke for her friend. “Starlight...” she began as she reached out to comfort the girl, and Starlight practically fell into her arms, nearly knocking her over. “Oh, Sunset,” Starlight sobbed into the other girl's arms. “I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it...” “Knew what? Starlight, please, tell me what's wrong.” “I knew it was suicide... from the moment I saw how old she was when she died, I knew. She was the same age I was when I... I decided I would do... whatever it took,” she sobbed out into Sunset’s arms. “Whatever it took... to make sure I wouldn't be alone anymore. It was too much... I thought that if having friends meant they could hurt me the way Sunburst did, then I'd rather be alone forever.” Sunset quietly held her, letting her speak without interruption, letting her vent. “But when I turned thirteen, I had reached the absolute bottom. All my youth, I had pushed everyone around me away, they hated me for how I would treat them, and I resented them right back. I was so bitter, I thought that nothing could hurt me again, but I was wrong. It was nothing, in the grand scheme, just another party I wasn't invited to, again; just looked over and ignored again." “Easy, Starlight, it’s... it’s okay,” Sunset managed to stammer out, Starlight's sudden outburst of emotion catching her completely off guard. She rubbed a hand down the girl's back to try and calm her. “That really was the final straw to break the illusion I created for myself,” Starlight continued, “and I had to face the fact that being alone hurt even more than losing my friend. And then I considered... ending it.” Saying that out loud seemed to calm her somehow, and Sunset felt her relax a bit. Starlight pushed away from Sunset and leaned her back against the wall, wiping away her tears with her fists. She slowly let herself slide down, until she was sitting, hugging her knees to her chest. Starlight covered her face with her forearms, hands dangling with fists clenched. Sunset sat down next to her, and when Starlight rested her head on her shoulder, she scooted closer, until their sides were pressed up against each other. “I've never told anyone that before,” Starlight said quietly, looking to the right, away from Sunset. “I always thought it was a sign of weakness, and I swore to never be weak.” Sunset couldn't think of anything to say to that, so she just wrapped an arm around Starlight instead. Starlight took two deep, shuddering breaths, almost gasps, and ran her fist across her eyes once more. Starlight turned to look at Sunset and as she met her eyes, she saw a sadness and fire in Starlight’s eyes, even as tears still ran down her face, the traces of remembered feelings reflected there. “That was when I promised myself that I wasn't going to be alone anymore, that I would do whatever it took to be happy and to have friends.” Starlight sighed, looking down at her hands. She slowly unclenched her fists, then rested her face in her palms. “I threw myself into my study of magic. My father... my father was a powerful unicorn. When I was five, he died in some kind of magical experiment gone wrong. I learned so much about magic from the books he left behind. It was in his lab that I earned my Cutie mark, trying out some of the spells in his books. I tried to convince my mother to send me to Celestia's school, but she refused to let me go. A pony from the school even tried to come enroll me when I sent in my test scores, but she yelled at him, accused him of trying to steal me away. She said she wasn't going to lose her daughter to magic the same way she lost her husband. I began to resent my mother just as much as I resented every pony else. When I made up my mind, I stole my father's private journals from my mother, and I learned what he had been working on when he died. He was trying to find a way to change somepony’s Cutie mark. To find a way to permanently alter somepony’s destiny. The idea was everything I dreamed of. A way to change my fate so no one would leave me again. Unfortunately, I was able to learn his plan was impossible. He tried to change his own destiny; I don't know what he was trying to change it to, but the attempt killed him. When I realized that, I had to come up with a new plan. I learned everything my father new about magic and Cutie marks. I barely ate, or slept, everything I did had to do with my studies. My mother worried for me; she said I was going to wind up dead like my father but I ignored her. I know she wanted to take away my books and scrolls, but I told her I would runaway if she did. As scared as she was of magic, she was scared of being alone even more. And, finally, I did it. I created my spell, one that would solve all my problems, my cutie mark stealing spell. I had to combine a dozen different spells to do it, but I did it. I left my home the same day. I didn't even say goodbye to my mother. I decided that I had to find other ponies, like me, ones who knew what it was like to know the loneliness that a life with Cutie marks could bring. Only they would be able to understand what I wanted to do.” Sunset felt increasingly awkward as Starlight talked. I know Starlight had a rough childhood, but I had no idea. I can't believe she's telling me this. “I was able to find a group of ponies like that”, Starlight said, so quietly that Sunset strained to hear her even in the stillness of the apartment, “and together we started our town. And for the first time since I was a little filly, I was happy. My friends and I would be together forever, and I would spread that friendship all over Equestria.” Starlight lapsed into another minute of silence before speaking again. “But when my friends found out how horribly I had treated them, how I lied to them, they rightfully turned on me. But I didn't see it that way at the time, all I felt was betrayed yet again by ponies I thought I could trust. And I once again considered just... ending it.” Sunset tightened her grip on Starlight’s shoulder, and Starlight responded by pushing her side further into Sunset’s. “I didn't see a point in going on, not if I was doomed by a destiny I couldn't escape to be alone forever.” They sat together without speaking, only Starlight's quiet sniffles breaking the stillness until those too died out. Sunset had no idea how long they sat there, but it felt like hours. Her arm was in agony from holding it around Starlight for so long, and her legs were aching from sitting on the hard ground. “Well, obvious- heh, sorry,” Starlight said, breaking off and chuckling as Sunset jumped when she suddenly broke the silence. The two shared a small laugh together. “Obviously, I didn't go through with it,” Starlight said with a sardonic half smile. She pushed away from Sunset, slowly standing up and stretching her arms and legs. Sunset gratefully took the opportunity to do the same. Starlight walked over to the ceiling high window of Sunset's apartment and stared out at the city lights. The moon hung low over the skyline. “Good thing too, or else Twilight might not have been lucky enough to get a student with my talent.” Sunset was glad to see some of Starlight’s sass back, but she still seemed far too withdrawn for the usually carefree girl she knew. Not that that's so surprising, all things considered. “Why didn't you go through with it?” Sunset asked without thinking. “I-I mean...I just...” Sunset stuttered into an awkward silence. Fortunately, Starlight didn't get mad, she just tilted her head in thought. After a long stretch of quiet she spoke. “Even as horrible or worthless or alone I felt, I always had hope. I knew I could do great things with my magic; it's always been my greatest strength, and maybe that's why it's also my greatest weakness. Need to make a friend? Just use your magic. Need to get revenge? Why not try some magic. I always look to magic to solve my problems, mostly out of habit, but also because it really is all that I know. I guess the other Starlight never had that. And without that hope, well, she had nothing. I know what that kind isolation can do to a person. I'm just heartbroken that she never found a way to move forward. And now I'm left wondering if I would have done the same thing if I were in her shoes.” Starlight gave another heavy sigh as she looked at the moon. “I always wondered what my life would have been like without my magic,” she said with an introspective tone. She turned and looked at her friend. “I thought that without magic, I wouldn't have done those terrible things, that maybe the me of this world had a happy, carefree life. I guess that's just not how things work out, huh?” Turning back to the window, she continued to take in the cityscape. Sunset stretched her limbs again, trying to shake the last bits of stiffness from sitting on the ground for so long. Looking at the clock, she groaned inwardly. I can't believe we sat there for four hours. Starlight must have seen her reflection in the window because she turned to her with shame on her face. “Sorry for keeping you up so late. I guess I just had some things on my mind. I'm... really surprised I told you all that.” “It's fine, Starlight, you really needed to get that stuff out there. I don't know how you kept all that to yourself without going crazy.” Sunset went into the kitchen and dumped the plates in the sink and threw away the trash. I'll fix this stuff in the morning, she thought as her eyelids drooped even further. “Well, I kind of did lose it there for awhile,”Starlight said with a self-deprecating laugh. “Fortunately I've got good friends to help me keep my head on straight. Thanks for being there for me, and for finding that stuff out about the other me. It would have driven me even more crazy not knowing. But now I think we both need sleep.” “No problem,” Sunset said, the prospect of sleep a welcome one now. “You still have the pj’s I loaned you yesterday, right?” Starlight nodded. “Good night, then” An hour later, Sunset was still tossing around in her bed, unable to sleep, concern for Starlight still troubling her. Every time she tried to think of something she could say to help her friend, she came up blank. She tried to empty her mind, but each time she just saw Starlight curled up against her wall sobbing. Finally, she sighed and rolled out of bed. Walking to the railing of her loft bedroom, she looked down into her apartment, where Starlight was sleeping on her couch. The string of decorative lights on her loft railing were still lit, giving just enough light for her to see Starlight below. She was curled up on her couch, the blanket she borrowed pulled up to her chin, but Sunset could still see her steady breathing as she slept. I think I even hear her snoring, Sunset thought with amusement. If she can sleep tonight, there's no reason I can't too. Turning away, her mind at blissful ease, she climbed into bed and fell asleep before her head even hit the pillow.