//------------------------------// // Carnation // Story: Marjoram // by Nekiyha //------------------------------// There she was, just as he remembered her. Short, stocky, and healthy again. The dark amber of her coat shining softly in the light coming from the window at street level. Unbidden, tears welled in his eyes and Marjoram choked on a sob. “Marjoram! A-are you okay!?” Carnation’s voice was soft and gentle, ringing like a melodious bell. For a split-second, Marjoram’s ears didn’t recognize her voice, but then the memories flooded back and Marjoram cried harder for the sound he’d forgotten. “Of course I am, you silly mare!” Almost blinded by tears, Marjoram lunged for her, and wrapped her in a hug. “I-I can’t believe this worked!” Carnation chuckled, returning the embrace, “Of course it did, you silly stallion.” Carnation was solid, and whole in his grasp, her own hooves wrapping around him testifying to her wholeness, and Marjoram pulled away to meet her honey-gold eyes, “You haven’t changed at all.” Carnation chuckled, “Look at you! You’ve changed...you have some grey hair around your muzzle…” “Well, I guess I’m the older twin now,” Marjoram’s voice wavered, wincing as the attempted joke fell flat. Awkward silence reigned for a moment, before Marjoram let out a high-pitched, desperate giggle. Carnation shot him a questioning look that was eerily similar to Twilight’s. “It’s just I had so much I wanted to talk to you about, so many questions I wanted answered...and I can’t remember any of them now.” Carnation nodded slowly, “In spite of it being almost fifteen years, some things never change.” “I can’t believe it’s been fifteen years,” Marjoram whispered, unwilling to move his gaze away from her. Even with her warm presence at his side, he didn’t want this to turn into some cruel joke. “Me either to be honest. It’s been a lifetime, hasn’t it?” Marjoram snorted at the obvious pun, “I can’t believe I forgot the sound of your voice.” “Well...can you preserve this conversation so you don’t forget again?” “Can I? I-I don’t know how this is all supposed to work.” “Well, don’t expect me to answer questions about the afterlife, and we should be fine.” Marjoram blinked, “Can I ask if you’re happy?” “I”m very happy. Happier than I was those last months,” Carnation’s voice turned rough and thick with emotion, “Thank you for that, by the way.” “For what?” “For taking care of me. I wasn’t in the right mind to thank you when it was all happening.” “I wasn’t in the right mind either, you know.” “You are now, so go get a tape-recorder. Spike told me you bought him one.” Marjoram blinked, “You’ve talked to Spike, but not to me?” “No, but he’s talked to me. Shores too, and Celestia and Twilight. I’ve even gotten some words from a few of Twilight’s friends.” “Really? So you can hear me when I talk to you at your grave?” Marjoram’s voice cracked on the last syllable, and he coughed harshly. Carnation nodded, “And elsewhere.” “That’s reassuring.” Carnation nodded slowly, “I always keep an ear out for you...I just wish I could reply.” “You can now.” “Go get that damned tape-recorder.” Marjoram scrambled out of the room and up the stairs, fighting for breath as he searched through Spike’s things for the tape recorder. Finding it buried deep in a drawer, Marjoram found an empty tape to put inside, then went back downstairs. For a second Marjoram’s heart broke again, he didn’t see her anywhere, but then he saw Carnation reaching up to peer through the window. She was on her hind legs, straining to see anything through the street-level window. “This is Ponyville, huh? It’s...brighter than I thought it would be.” Marjoram nodded, “You get used to the pastels.” “I bet. It’s no Canterlot.” “No...it isn’t,” Marjoram slumped onto the edge of his bed, idly pressing the button on the tape recorder. “Do you miss Canterlot?” “All the time. Almost as much as I miss you.” Carnation smiled sadly, “You don’t want to talk about that, do you? Not yet. Tell me about Twilight and Spike, face to face.” “Twilight is a bit like you. She’s like another sister, really. She’s young...and naive. I love her, but...well. I told you about what happened over Hearth’s Warming. I-I don’t want her to repeat those mistakes.” Carnation sat beside him, leaning into him comfortably. Marjoram almost melted into the contact, his heart aching with past memories. “I heard you. It was unfortunate, but she didn’t know what would happen.” “I know that! That doesn’t change the fact I was stupid enough not to go to a doctor, or Celestia, or anypony else with any sort of medical expertise for a second opinion! I’ve gotten so used to Twilight’s genius that I didn’t even run tests of my own!” “It’s unfortunate, but it’s no one pony’s fault.” “Just like with those fillies walking in on me in the middle of an autopsy! It was technically nopony’s fault but they still got hurt and I became a spectacle!” Carnation sighed, “I know things are rough, and will probably get worse. I promise you that this can’t be anything more than what you’ve already lived through.” “Says the dead pony,” Marjoram whispered. Carnation snorted, “I know it’s hypocritical, but you’re it now. You have to live life for both of us.” “I’ve been doing a shitty job of it, then, haven’t I?” “I dunno. You’ve done lots of good. Made some new friends, gotten a family; even if it’s unconventional. You’ve reconnected with Kafir. You’ve helped ponies, and you done some good research.” “That I’ve basically given up since moving here. I’m useless! If I can’t help ponies like us, like you, how am I going to set Twilight and Spike up for a future without me?! I’ve left patrons and clients, and sick ponies waiting for results that aren’t coming anytime soon because of all this ridiculousness! If the ponies here ever catch wind of this spell, I might get lynched!” “Hey-” “I’m trapped in this shithole of a town with no research, nopony but Twilight to bounce ideas off of, and-” “Marjoram!” Marjoram froze, ears flicking downwards at the volume, “I’m making a big deal over nothing again, aren’t I?” “Not nothing. You should be careful, but you can still make this work for you. Even if you send your notes to a colleague and help fund more research. I know Twilight and her recent adventures have been taking up a lot of your time.” “We’re going to have to replace the carpet in the library soon, I’m wearing a path with my pacing.” Carnation chuckled, “You worry too much.” Marjoram tilted his head to one side, “Do you honestly blame me?” “No. Not at all.” Marjoram sighed, “I just wish you could be here. You would help.” Carnation smiled softly, “I’m always here, but I just can’t respond.” “I’m sorry about that.” “Me too.” There was a pause, and Marjoram was desperate to distract himself from the memories of Carnation’s death. Marjoram leveraged himself to his hooves, latching onto a different topic,“Alternate universes are real.” Carnation blinked, “Pardon?” “Alternate universes, different timelines, are real. I’m linked to one Marjoram in particular. He...he nearly killed Celestia. Almost brought the end of the world. He married Twilight, and they have a daughter. She’s in charge now, of his kingdom. He...he is almost insane. He told me to try this spell again.” Carnation nodded her head slowly, “So...there’s another you that we know for sure made wrong decisions.” “After you died he just shunned everypony. Shores, Celestia. He met Twilight years after I did. He’s suffering from a plethora of different mental illnesses. He’s dying, from our illness and from his broken mind.” “Are you worried that’ll happen to you?” “I don’t think I’ll ever hurt Celestia or try to marry Twilight. But...he’s dying from things I almost lost myself to. The illness isn’t exactly forgiving.” “No kidding.” “I’m scared. What if I lose myself like he did.” Carnation sighed, staring down at the wooden floor, “I can’t guarantee anything, but I believe you won’t follow his path. You have Twilight, Spike, Celestia, Shores, even Twilight’s friends. Whether you like it or not, they do consider you a friend.” “Even Rainbow?” “Even Rainbow. She’s...not completely ignorant to why you don’t like her. If you sat her down and just talked to her she’d probably listen.. Maybe make sure you can draw diagrams or have enough room for your holograph magic things.” Marjoram rubbed at his eyes with a hoof, “Maybe.” “It can’t hurt. You should be able to at least chat with her friends. Maybe clearing the air for them could help you do that. Let them ask questions, tell them about what this illness means for you and everypony else.” “What do you mean?” “Tell them frankly what this illness is. Tell them it’s roots, how it’s affected pony history for thousands of years. Tell them how you specifically have a very unique case that can’t always be predictable. Tell them about your limits. Tell them about your abilities. Tell them everything.” “It’s private.” “What if Twilight isn’t around and you need help? What if you’re stuck with her friends for an extended period of time? You can’t expect them to help you or be able to understand what’s going on. They need to be educated about this.” “I hate it when you’re right.” Carnation chuckled, “I know.” “It’s going to be a rough education period.” “No shit.” “Oh lord I’m going to have to write down so many notes.” “And probably buy more chalk.” “And find as many sources as I can.” “And get Spike and Twilight involved too. They will probably be delighted you’re trying.” Marjoram snorted, lips curling into a smirk, “Probably. Oh I’ll have to write Celestia to get some books...probably a lot of them. Tuberculosis* is a niche sort of category, and I know Twilight is trying but I know there aren’t more than three books here in Ponyville.” “Be careful, Celestia might send a chariot full.” “As if that would be a bad thing.” Carnation chuckled, “No, it wouldn’t be.” “It’s going to be a long discussion. Any bets on if my lungs’ll hold out?” “No bets.” “You’re no fun.” “You either, you crazy stallion.” Marjoram sat back, simply content to watch Carnation, “I’ve missed this.” “Me too.” Carnation broke the sudden lull in conversation, “Are there any of Twilight’s friends you don’t mind?” “Rarity isn’t terrible. I don’t think I’m comfortable calling her a friend, but ‘acquaintance’ doesn’t really cover it either. And no, I’m not interested in her romantically anyway.” “You aren’t interested in anyone romantically.” Marjoram shrugged, “It feels good to say every so often.” “Go on. What about Rarity makes her more acceptable than the others?” “She seems to understand where I’m coming from most of the time. Hard work, and creativity, and all that. She’s quiet, with an understated sense of sarcasm that she underutilizes honestly. She isn’t likely to have half of Ponyville in her shop at any given time. That helps.” “It’s also because she fixed your cloak, isn’t it?” Marjoram blinked, trying to remember. Then it struck him, “Yes. After meeting Rainbow. She made it look like it was brand new again.” “And she didn’t judge you for being cold. She accepted it, helped you, and didn’t dwell. I know you don’t like pity.” Marjoram nodded in agreement. “Any of the others?” Marjoram shrugged, “Pinkie is a...conundrum to our current knowledge of science and magic. She’s interesting to watch, but she’s loud and annoying.” “She means well, and is more intelligent than she lets on.” Marjoram nodded, “She’s very kind. I think her desire to have everyone she meet smile is a good one. Unrealistic, and too idealistic for me, but a good one to strive for.” Carnation giggled, “Don’t let her hear that. She might never let you live it down.” “For all of her desires, she’s yet to make me smile,” Marjoram stated flatly. “She’ll realize soon enough, I’m sure.” “Fluttershy makes me worried I’ll say nothing but wrong things around her. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, and I’m never sure if I’m going to break one. It’s harrowing to spend any time alone with her.” “She’s thoughtful,” Carnation said quietly, “She thanked me.” “Why?” “Because it was clearly me who taught you to try with ponies. You’re rusty as hell, and you don’t always pull it off, but you try. She can almost see the social rules being repeated in your head like a mantra.” Marjoram snorted, “Why are you telling me this?” “Because none of them hate you. They may not all understand completely about why you are who you are, or what your illness means. They do know how much you care for Twilight and Spike.” Marjoram nodded slowly, looking down at the tape recorder, “I’ve missed your advice.” “I’ve missed being able to give it.” “The spell won’t work a third time will it?” “No. This is going to be the first and last time it works for you.” “Ever?” Carnation sighed, “It will work for other ponies, but there’s nopony else you’d want to talk to.” Marjoram sighed, “Creators know it’s best to leave Mother and Father alone.” Carnation nodded in agreement, “It is. What about Applejack?” “She reminds me of you sometimes. Hard working, always looking after plants. Ready to fight if need arises, but also willing to use peace as much as possible.Honest to a fault, steadfast. She’s stubborn, which could cause problems later.” “She can be...conservative in her thinking. Old school, not always the most open-minded. She’s trying to be better for her younger sister.” “Creators know I understand that feeling.” “I’m older than you!” “By five minutes!” “Still older!” Marjoram chuckled, “This doesn’t get old.” “Nope!” “Rainbow?” Carnation asked gently. “I’ve told you all about what my feelings regarding her are.” “She does feel bad, y’know. She just doesn’t understand why you can’t physically be better.” “So she thinks I’m faking.” “Not after the hospital she doesn’t. She just doesn’t understand that there isn’t anything available that can help at all.” “She should have seen me last year!” “I thought you were going to die.” “Really?!” “Oh yeah. Your lungs were hemorrhaging so badly and I thought you were just going to give up.” “You know me better than that.” “I know. That’s why I was worried.” Marjoram sighed, “Did you think I’d make it after you died?” “For a while I didn’t. Then Celestia got you to grieve over what had happened. You showing any emotion was a step in the right direction, even if it was negative.” “Watching that must’ve been hard.” “No harder than it was to watch me wither away. I did say thank you for that, didn’t I?” “Yeah, you did.” “I could say thank you one-thousand times and it still wouldn’t be enough.” “Please don’t. I don’t think we have time enough for that.” “No we don’t. I-I don’t want to leave but the spell only lasts for so long.” “Do you know how much time we have left.” Carnation shook her head, “No.” Marjoram leaned over, resting against Carnation. She was warm, and solid, and more than he had hoped to dream about since her passing, “Creators I’ve missed you.” “You keep saying that.” “It’s the truth.” “I know. I miss you too.” “Least you get to see me.” “I’ve missed being able to talk to you.” “Fair enough.” “You falling asleep on me?” “I don’t want to. I-I’m just so tired.” Carnation nuzzled him gently, moving so that he could lay down on the bed. Curling up beside him, she got herself comfortable, “It’s okay.” Carnation’s voice wavered with nervous tension. “Is it the spell?” Marjoram wondered aloud. “Maybe? I’m no good with this magic shit.” Marjoram chuckled, burying his muzzle into her withers, “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “If I was stronger we could talk for longer.” “It’s okay. Not your fault.” “I just wish I could do something about it.” “It was nice to chat with you.” “Mmhmm.” The warmth of Carnation’s body and the soft cushions of his be made Marjoram feel more drowsy. “Do you remember when Kafir had to take us shopping in the village?” Carnation giggled, “Of course you silly stallion! You got covered in cheese, and he needed to buy me that fuzzy hat in return for getting you calmed down!” Carnation continued to reminiscence as Marjoram felt himself drift off into the most peaceful sleep he could recall. (LINE BREAK) Twilight entered the silent library, and knew something had happened. Magic, old and powerful, hung in the air like a fog. Setting down the groceries she’d been levitating with her magic, Twilight’s first thought was Marjoram. Worry and fear was sticking in her throat, making it hard to breathe, and she hurried down the stairs. Flinging the door open, she was greeted by a curious sight. A magical circle was set up in the middle of Marjoram’s floor, already broken. A book, old and yellowed, was in the center. Books were strewn about, some laying open or propping open books up. Marjoram was seated on the edge of his bed, eyes wide and blank. The fur around his cheeks were matted and damp; it was clear he’d been crying. Stepping carefully, circles could be dangerous even after they’d been broken, Twilight sat next to Marjoram on the bed. “Do I want to know?” His magic flickering to life, Marjoram levitated Spike’s tape recorder to Twilight, and pressed play. The audio wasn’t the best quality, but that fact was soon lost. “I love you Marjoram. I’m never too far away, even if you just want to vent.” The voice made a soft chuckle; familiar yet different. As Twilight realized who the speaker was her heart nearly wrenched in two for her friend. “If I could stay, I would. I love you so much, and don’t you ever forget that, you silly stallion. Don’t cry when you listen to this. You can do what you you have to do without me. You’ve lasted this long. I know it doesn’t make it any easier, but I believe you can do it. I love you, and I don’t want to go but I have to now. I love you, Marjoram and don’t you dare forget it.” The tape ended, and while Twilight tried to process what she’d just listened to, she realized that Marjoram was crying again. She leaned into him, wrapping a leg around his thin withers, rubbing soothing circles. She could feel him shaking. “I’ll never be able to speak with her again,” Marjoram whispered, “Not face to face.” “Can she hear you when you’re speaking to her?” Marjoram nodded, snuffling weakly, “She hears everyone who talks to her.” “Even me?” Twilight sounded surprised. At Marjoram’s nod she continued, “Did she tell you anything?” “No. Just that you and Spike, and your friends have told her things.” “Oh, Marjoram.” Marjoram hugged the tape recorder close, staring down at it with wet eyes, “I’m sorry you missed it.” “It was a private conversation. I’m glad I didn’t come home early.” “You would have loved each other,” Marjoram let out a harsh sob, leaning into Twilight. Clearly trying to draw comfort from her presence. “Even if we didn’t, we’d make something work for you.” Marjoram nodded in agreement, “Is...is it okay if I stay down here tonight?” “It’s okay. You need to grieve again. Do you want or need anything?” Marjoram shook his head, withdrawing from Twilight’s embrace. His nostrils were running. Twilight chuckled softly, and summoned a box of tissues from upstairs, “Here. Don’t be afraid to call me if you need anything. I don’t care if it’s for something small.” Marjoram took the tissues, blowing his nose, “Thanks.” Twilight stood on unsteady legs, and quietly left. When she reached the top of her staircase, she resolved to write to Celestia. If anypony, anypony else got wind of what Marjoram had done, there would be panic. Celestia needed to be warned so that if anything happened, Marjoram would remain safe. Twilight’s heart ached with grief for a pony she’d never even met. Even when Spike came back from Sugarcube Corner, she couldn’t shake the sense of disquiet.