Saturday. The morning broke with the usual sunlight peeking through the curtains of Sunset’s room. For a few quiet moments she watched as a ray reflected from one of the houses across the street slowly marched toward the floor as the sun began its daily climb. Soon, it would be time for her to begin her daily climb as well – up a tall, steep, arduous hill of regret, remorse, and reformation. She sighed. A moment’s peace – soon ended.
Gingerly, Sunset began to work out of her covers. Almost as soon as she started, she noticed something different. Her muscles were less stiff and weak, and the only pain remaining was in her shoulders and her left knee. She put her feet down on the soft carpet, and slowly rose, noting that it was somewhat easier than it had been yesterday. Still, she was not fully recovered, but now she had no trouble limping to the door of her room with almost a normal gait. She basically felt like she had just finished running a few laps, instead of running several miles. So, she thought to herself, I’m getting better. Last Saturday this happened too…maybe I get a little better every week? This thing is weird. I wonder how long it will last.
She padded out into the hall. Silence, except for the distant rhythmic ticking of the grandfather clock in the living room. Neither Celestia nor Luna was up yet. She realized with a start that they had not needed to join her in her bedroom last night – she had gone another night nightmare-free. Maybe that’s getting better too. I sure hope so – I’d actually prefer the weakness and physical pain to the nightmares… It was extremely rare for her to be alone in the townhouse in the morning; she wasn’t sure quite what to do. She continued down the hall, making a brief stop in the bathroom, before heading down the stairs. She found that she could go down the stairs standing up if she was careful and held on to the rails. She came into the living and dining rooms. These rooms were still shadowy – she had no desire to be in them alone. In fact, she had no desire to be alone at all. Being alone meant facing the memories and The Pain.
The kitchen it is, she thought to herself a bit grimly. She wandered in and looked in the fridge – nothing there that didn’t require work to prepare, except maybe some milk for cereal. She wasn’t that hungry yet anyway. She went over to the eat-in table and sat down, noting that she had just stood for several minutes without getting out of breath. This was a small victory, but in her current mood it brought Sunset no joy. She suspected it would mean that more would be expected of her, starting very soon.
Suddenly an idea occurred to her. She actually did appear to be stronger now – maybe she could do a bit more around the house than she could last week. Remembering her ill-fated attempt to get the mail, but also Pinkie’s words of encouragement, Sunset decided she should help with breakfast. She was no cook, but she could at least get things ready. Totally unaware that she was now smiling slightly, she got back up and assessed the situation.
20 minutes later, the table was set, the pots and pans and those ingredients that were non-perishable were set out in locations that she anticipated would be helpful, and as a final touch, she had gone out to the garden and retrieved a few of the last roses of fall and put them in a vase in the center of the table. Strangely happy, she got her phone from her room, then sat down to wait.
It was not long before she heard a door open upstairs, a grumpy groan, and another door close. The sound of running water, another door opening and closing, and slippered feet schlepping down the hall and down the stairs. Luna appeared in the door to the kitchen, wrapped in her bathrobe and blinking blearily into the morning light. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust. After a few seconds, her eyes alighted on her adopted niece, sitting at the table with a…fairly goofy smile.
“Sunset?” she rasped, her brain not yet awake enough to process how odd it was to see Sunset smile at all. Above her in the upstairs hallway, another door opened and closed. “What are you doing up?” Luna asked as she slouched into the kitchen, headed for the fridge. “S’kinda early for you, isn’t it?”
“Kind of. I just couldn’t go back to sleep.”
“Oh.” Yawn. Luna reached into the fridge and pulled out the milk. Absently, she put it on the counter, then reached to turn on the coffee maker before noticing it was already turned on. Sunset watched gleefully as Luna’s head came back a bit in confusion. “Huh. S’already on.” She turned to the cabinet to get a mug, when she noticed two mugs were already sitting on the counter next to the coffee maker. This was strange enough to make her realize something was up, and she looked around the kitchen, her eyes widening as she realized that Someone had been at work. She blinked a few times, cocking her head. “Sunset? Did you do all this?”
Before Sunset could answer, Celestia appeared in the doorway, looking quite a bit more alert than Luna. “Do all what?” she asked pleasantly.
Luna gestured expansively at the kitchen. Celestia looked around in amazement, then her eyes came to rest on her adopted daughter, who smiled at her toothily. “Um, surprise?” Sunset said a bit uncertainly.
Celestia’s mouth fell open slightly, then she looked at Sunset with concern. “How? Are you ok?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m doing a bit better today.”
Celestia blinked a few times, much as Luna had, then strode over to Sunset and looked her over carefully. Luna was not far behind. Slowly, Celestia began to smile. “Well sweetie. I…you’re feeling better? How much better?”
“Not all the way better. But…better. I can stand for quite a while now, and…apparently, do light housework!” she finished brightly.
Celestia shook her head in amazement, then spread her arms. Sunset stood up and accepted the hug gratefully. Luna joined in.
“Sunset. Thank you. This is a big help. And we are both glad you are feeling better.” Celestia broke the embrace and held Sunset at arms’ length, her hands on her shoulders. “You really are learning, aren’t you?”
“I’m trying. I promise I’m trying,” said Sunset earnestly.
Both older women looked at her fondly. “Well,” said Celestia, clapping her hands together. “Let’s get to it!” Luna looked at her grumpily, envying her energy. “Sunset, you just relax. You’ve done your part for now,” Celestia added, as she turned toward the stove.
45 minutes later, the three of them were nearly finished with breakfast. It had been lighthearted and happy for the most part, but Sunset noticed, as the time passed, that both Celestia and Luna had gotten quieter and quieter. Naturally, she got quieter too.
At last Celestia sighed. “Sunset…you are a smart girl…”
Sunset felt a rush of adrenaline in her stomach. Here we go. “So they tell me,” she said, a bit bitterly, as her mind flashed unwillingly back to the day when she had been accepted into Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
Celestia paused. “This…is even harder than I thought it would be. Congratulations!” she said, pressing her lips into a thin line and raising her eyebrows. “You have made this even harder – in a good way. Thank you again for getting everything ready this morning.” Celestia’s hand idly caressed the petals of one of the roses in the center of the table.
Sunset nodded again, waiting for one or more bombshells to begin to fall.
“Sunset…now that you are feeling stronger – physically, anyway…” Celestia stopped again. Sunset decided to step in. There was no reason to draw this out.
“More will be expected of me,” she finished, grimly.
Celestia, apparently not trusting herself to speak, simply nodded once. She drew in a ragged breath. “Yes,” she said finally. “But before we discuss that, there is something else that needs to be said. And Sunset, I must warn you…what I am about to say is…I hope, going to be something wonderful, that will give you strength. But it may be difficult to hear, and I am sorry about that. I suspect I am about to say something that you have rarely heard in your life. Maybe never.”
Sunset eyes widened. She had no idea what Celestia was getting at.
“But it has to be said. Because it will soften the blow from what comes after. In fact, what I must say after would be…damaging if I didn’t preface it properly.”
Sunset’s apprehension was peaking. She almost started when Luna, who was sitting next to her, suddenly put her arm around her shoulders.
Celestia paused again, then looked Sunset straight in the eyes. She took a deep breath, and rocked Sunset’s world.
“Sunset…I love you. Very much. And Luna does too.”
“It’s true,” Luna confirmed, not hesitating for a second.
Sunset stopped breathing. Time itself stopped, except her mouth fell open and her vision blurred.
“Like a daughter,” Celestia clarified.
“Like a niece,” Luna added.
There were several moments of silence. Then, as tears began to run down her cheeks, Sunset asked, “H-h-how? I…I’ve only been here for two weeks!”
Celestia reached across the table and wiped away a few of Sunset’s tears with her fingers. “Sunset…sometimes love is a choice. That doesn’t mean there aren’t feelings, too, though.”
“I don’t understand!” Sunset said, distraught.
“Sweetheart…I believe you have come into our lives for a reason. Maybe it’s destiny. I don’t know. But I am absolutely, unshakably certain that, right now, you belong here, with me and Luna. We belong to each other. And that actually fills me with joy. I can’t put into words what it means to have you here with us. Even though it’s hard sometimes. Even though things are tough. I wouldn’t miss this…I wouldn’t miss out on you…for the world, Sunset.” Celestia wiped away a tear of her own.
“Oh my…” Sunset just said, her voice shaking.
“You are a treasure, Sunset,” said Luna. “I feel the same as Celestia. Exactly the same.”
“You are safe here,” Celestia continued. “Do you understand? I have chosen to take you in. I have chosen to take care of you. I have chosen you to be my child. And I have made these choices irrevocably. I am sorry to overwhelm you, but sometimes it’s necessary. What I’m trying to say, is that I…”
“We…” Luna interjected.
“We…” continued Celestia, almost losing her composure, “love you without condition. There is nothing you can do or say that will make us stop loving you, or worrying about you, or wanting the best for you. Even if you falter or fall, we will not abandon you. It is critical that you come to understand this, though I know it will take time.”
Sunset was shaking her head even as the rest of her body began to shake as well. “I…don’t deserve…”
Celestia then gave Sunset a look that Sunset would remember for the rest of her life. Only one other person had ever looked at her quite like that, as she extended her hand from the edge of a crater. It was a look that conveyed a strength of will, a fierceness, a determination, an adamantine compassion, that left Sunset in complete awe. She actually gasped, as it seemed like Celestia’s and Twilight’s eyes blended together before her.
“It is not about what you deserve. It is about what you need.”
Sunset just stared back into Celestia’s eyes, which didn’t waver. She was speechless. The silence stretched on as Sunset continued to gasp and try, without success, to get a hold of her emotions. “I…I can’t…I can’t bear it…” she said at last, pleadingly.
“Yes, you can,” said Luna quietly. “In, fact, you must.”
“You must begin to let go, Sunset,” said Celestia. “You must begin to stop hating yourself. Did I not say that there was hope for you?”
The dam broke. Sunset dissolved into sobs. It was a long time before they stopped.
Almost an hour later, the three of them snuggled on the living room couch. Sunset’s cries had subsided into occasional whimpers and hiccups. An entire box’s worth of tissues stood in a pile on the coffee table. Sunset was managing to smile slightly. Love was winning – her heart was melting. There was still a long way to go, but, Celestia thought, this has been a major step.
“Sunset,” Luna asked. “Has anyone ever told you that before? That you are loved?”
Sunset was still breathing a little harder than normal. “No. Not like that. Not that I can remember.”
“I am sorry to hear it,” said Luna sadly. “We will have to say it a lot, to make up for lost time,” she finished with a wink and a smile.
Sunset shook her head again in wonder. Then, she realized she had a question. An hour and a half ago she would have been terrified to ask it, but now…she just had enough strength to risk it. And she felt a desperate need to know the answer.
She looked at Luna, then up at Celestia. “I…I have a question.”
“Ask away.”
“Is it ok…if…if…if I love you too?” she finally asked in a tiny voice.
Celestia smiled at her affectionately. On the other side of Sunset, Luna let out a happy little sigh. “Of course!” Celestia answered. “In fact, it is very sweet of you, and I am so happy to hear it.”
Sunset sighed in relief. “I didn’t know…I still don’t know if I’m truly capable of love, but if I am…”
“You are capable, Sunset. And even though it may be an unfamiliar emotion, or even an unfamiliar state of being, to you, I think I can assure you that you already do love us. What you did this morning is a sign of it.”
“But that was just a small thing,” Sunset objected.
“Did you do it because you wanted to make us happy? Because you wanted to make us proud? Because you wanted to do your part?”
“Well, yes…”
“And we both know that for you it was not so small a thing. It was one of your very first steps, taken bravely, while you are still not fully recovered. Don’t be afraid, Sunset. Your heart is growing.”
Sunset could think of no objection to this. It seemed like Celestia had an answer to everything, and, while that would have once annoyed Sunset, now it felt reassuring. But she needed to clarify one more thing.
“But…is it ok? To love someone because they love you? Isn’t that…unfair? Mercenary even?”
“No. It is perfectly normal and healthy.”
“But…”
“What if you had been born my biological child, and I had raised you from an infant? Who would have loved who first? I think you know the answer to that. This is the way of things, Sunset, but it does not make your love for us less true.”
Sunset just shook her head again. “I have a lot to learn,” she said quietly at last.
“Not so much as you had before,” said Luna reassuringly. “And the rest we will teach you. And your friends, because they love you too.”
Sunset looked down at her hands, but now she was smiling.
“Feel a little better?” Celestia asked gently.
“Yes,” Sunset responded simply. There were a few moments of companionable silence. Then, Sunset decided to forge on. The re-kindling fire in her heart, though she still was not conscious of it, pressed her to. “Celestia…you spoke of…other hard things. Of more being expected of me.”
Celestia looked pained. “Sunset, maybe we should wait until a little later to talk about that. Aren’t you exhausted, emotionally, anyway? We just overwhelmed you. In a good way, but you were overwhelmed all the same.”
“How can I go for long without the suspense driving me crazy? The cat’s out of the bag…I just don’t know its specific stripes yet.”
Celestia sighed. “I suppose you’re right. But if you need a break, let’s take one.”
“I can face this. As long as you two are behind me.”
“We are,” Luna reassured her.
Celestia still looked uncertain, but she relented. “Very well. Let us start with the matter of your academic standing.”
Sunset felt adrenaline surge into her stomach again.
“Sunset, you know that the proper consequence of your actions would have been expulsion,” Celestia pointed out. She was not smiling.
Sunset’s head fell. “Yes,” she answered in small voice. “And you should have turned me over to the authorities.”
“That is true. However, as we have discussed, both amongst ourselves and with Judge Gavel, we have decided to let any criminal penalties be addressed by Twilight, who has apparently pardoned you.”
“But I am on probation,” Sunset volunteered. “Twilight…Princess Twilight told me, right before she left.”
Celestia seemed surprised. She hadn’t known this.
“Right before she left, Princess Twilight told me that I had to stay here. That…I’m basically in exile. And she said she would return the next time the portal opens, and that what she found would…determine my fate,” Sunset finished. Against her will, her voice shook slightly on the last three words.
Luna and Celestia exchanged meaningful glances. This was a good thing – it would mean that they could mitigate some of the consequences they had to impose. Slightly.
Celestia looked back at Sunset. “I believe that is appropriate. But I don’t think Twilight meant for you to be afraid, Sunset. She’s giving you a second chance. You’re already on the path to pleasing her when she returns.”
“She…basically said as much. It was the last thing she said – that there…was hope for me. Like you said. I didn’t believe her at the time. Now…maybe I’m not so sure.”
“Good. We want you to believe, Sunset. You are doing just fine,” said Luna warmly.
Sunset just sighed. Celestia continued. “Allowing Twilight to address the criminal issue has two advantages. One, it allows you to remain at Canterlot High, where we and your friends can help you heal and grow. Second, it keeps you from…official attention. We both know that would be problematic.”
Sunset nodded vehemently.
“I cannot, however, shield you from academic consequences completely, Sunset. It wouldn’t be fair, and it wouldn’t be healthy for you. So, we are going to count the past two weeks as a suspension.”
Sunset sucked in her breath. Tears began to form in her eyes again, though she retained control. “Does…does that mean all my schoolwork for the past two weeks…”
“No. Your schoolwork will be allowed to count. I don’t believe in full suspensions. Besides, having a two week suspension on your record will be quite enough of a black mark. It will be impossible for any college admissions board to ignore – especially its length. I am afraid, Sunset, that it will be almost impossible for you to gain admission to any competitive universities, at least initially. In fact, you may have to consider community college for the first two years. This, as you know, is a real tragedy, because you are unquestionably the most intellectually gifted student we have.”
Sunset could not stop the tears this time, though she still succeeded in not breaking down. “I know…it’s…kinder than I deserve.”
Celestia ran her fingers through Sunset’s hair. “These consequences are just, but not completely insurmountable. If anyone can overcome them, Sunset, it’s you.”
Sunset took a deep, shaky breath. Then: “There’s more, isn’t there?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so. If you are able to stand, and walk, it is probably time for you to return to school, at least part time. We will play it by ear.”
Sunset went pale. Her eyes widened with fear.
“I know it is not an enticing prospect. But two weeks of suspension is adequate. And we will make sure that you are safe. I am sure you suspect, probably rightly, that you will be a complete social outcast when you return. You will have to work to overcome that as well, and it may take a very long time. But Sunset, you must listen to me.” Celestia leaned closer. “I cannot be present everywhere, nor can Luna. Also, we cannot give the appearance of favoritism. Making you the principal’s pet, for example, would actually hurt you. You will have to endure the taunts and unkind words of your classmates, to some degree. But I will not tolerate physical harm to you. You are my child now, and, frankly, anyone who lays a hand on you will have to deal with me.” Sunset’s eyes were very wide. For a moment, Celestia resembled a female lion, prepared to defend her cub. Sunset was very glad Celestia’s claws and teeth were to protect her, as opposed to the alternative. “Also, I know that teachers and administrators don’t usually say something like this, but if you must defend yourself please do. I think, however, that I have a way to mitigate the risk of any harm to you.”
“You do?” Sunset asked.
“Yes. Your friends. I cannot imagine they would not defend you, even physically. They will probably even stand up for you if you are bullied or mistreated in any other way. Luna and I will adjust their schedules so that at least one of them is with you at all times. At least for a few weeks – longer if needed. Also, we will make sure that all teachers are on the lookout for attempts to harm you. You may find your teachers are not pleased with you – but they will protect you.”
Sunset sighed heavily. “And?”
Celestia sighed again in her turn. “And it is time for you start helping with rebuilding the school entryway. We won’t give you any work that involves heavy lifting yet, but I am confident that you can probably spread mortar or paint for a half hour or so. We will start small. This is not intended to physically exhaust you.”
Sunset was concerned about this. “Uh, Celestia?”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know anything about, well, building.”
“I know. You won’t be working on your own. The contractor is there and has already begun work. He will give you tasks and ensure that you are properly instructed.”
“And Snips and Snails?”
“They have already completed two weeks of work. I have decided they have helped enough with the rebuilding – they will have other work to do.”
Sunset looked up at Celestia meekly. “And?” she asked in a tiny voice, bracing herself.
“During your free periods you will tutor underclassmen who are struggling academically.”
“Oh. But…won’t they hate me? Or be afraid of me?”
“If so, it will be up to you to help them feel otherwise.”
Sunset nodded, completely deflated.
Celestia wrapped her arms around Sunset and held her tightly, putting her chin on her head. “I know it is a lot.”
“I did a lot.”
“And it is supposed to feel rigorous. But we will watch carefully, Sunset. If it gets to be too much – physically, I mean – we will dial it back. This isn’t supposed to be torture – just discipline. And if you think either me or Luna is having any fun, you are wrong.”
Sunset nodded. Then she started to cry again.
Celestia rocked her. “I do love you. I wouldn’t do these things if I didn’t. And let’s try to look ahead. The contractor says that the work should be done in less than a month. So that won’t be so long. The students you tutor – once their grades start coming up they’ll be in your corner pretty fast. And you’ll feel a sense of reward as well. As for the rest of the students, I believe,” here Celestia lifted Sunset’s face to her own, “that they will come around in time. In many ways, you are already a wonderful, lovely girl – in more ways every day. You have a lot to give. Others will realize this in time.”
The rest of the weekend was difficult. Sunset felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster – on the one hand, she continued to adjust to the completely alien idea that she was loved by her adopted mother and aunt. This was a good adjustment, but an adjustment nonetheless. On the other hand, she felt increasing dread as she faced the reality that she would be returning to school on Monday, including facing the anger of the other students, starting up as a tutor, and starting to help with the cleanup. She would have slept poorly Sunday night even if she hadn’t had a nightmare.
It was a new one. In a way, it was even worse than the ones she’d already had, because it forced her to relive what she had already come to regard as the most traumatic event of her entire life: personally experiencing every cruel thing she had done to others while within the Rainbow Wave.
The replay took place, as the original had, in total silence. It was a silence that oppressed her and judged her and found her lacking. Again, Sunset felt the same sense of reeling helplessness and horror, as once again she endured the very pain she had inflicted on others. Again and again, she saw her own face through the eyes of others, twisted with anger, disdain, and heartlessness. It was relentless. Just when she thought she would be unable to bear any more, she awoke in tears.
Rarity was there again, and held her as she wept.
“I’m so sorry, darling,” she whispered. “Will you tell me about it?”
“Not this one, Rarity, I beg you!” Sunset hissed. “Please. Please, let me tell you about it another time.”
Rarity seemed skeptical.
“Please. I will tell you, but not yet. This once, I need to keep it to myself.”
“As you wish,” Rarity agreed gently, deciding not to force the issue. In spite of Rarity’s best efforts, Sunset slept fitfully for the rest of the night.