The crowd outside Twilight's castle continued on with their bickering over who was the best character in the friendship journal, mostly around who had the best friendships, who was the funnies, and who contributed the most in said journal. However, unbeknownst to any of them, Deadpool rolled a wagon in behind them. He pulled out a bell and rung it loudly.
"BOOKS!!! GET YOUR BOOKS HERE!!!" He announced proudly, holding up his own copies of a Hardcover of Deadpool in Equestria. "Only 30 bits!"
"30 bits!?" A nerd pony yelled. "That's cheaper than the friendship journal!" Like the sheep they were, the ponies bought Deadpool's own (sorta) autobiography about his life here in Equestria since November 3, 2014. While Deadpool made a quick killing with his book, (which was somehow sold across Equestria) everypony looked a bit mixed with what they had.
"... Oh my... what is this?" A critic pony asked. "Look at all these misspellings! And the grammar! And these exclomation marks! Who adds this much exclamation marks!?"
"And the story!" A mare added.
"What story!? It's just old, outdated jokes with random song numbers out of nowhere!"
"Licensed songs, by the looks of how fast these are updated."
"Look at this!" An observer pony spoke. "This has 4 and a half stars by Princess Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight! This has to be rigged!"
"This is so stupid!" Another pony yelled, slamming the book to the floor. "How do books like these get approved and not my son's original tale that explores the perception of good an evil with a knight that learns that the kingdom he lives with evil and his honor is a huge waste!?" The local ponies turned to her. "... I'm just saying, it's much more detailed than whatever this trash has to offer!" The ponies all marched to Deadpool, who counted all his earned bits. He watched the crowd of ponies march to him, each with a displeased look on their face.
"No refunds!" He yelled.
"We want a better book!" One of the ponies yelled. "One with better writing, better character, and better subplots that don't drop out of nowhere!"
"Yeah!" Another added. "Your Selfie side mission dropped faster than the Friendship journal's cleaning Celestia and Luna's old castle!"
"Why were they in that castle, recreating it?" A filly asked.
"I don't know, reasons."
"... So you want my life to be written much better than what you have right now?" Deadpool asked.
"YES!!!" They all shouted.
"...Fine, let's go with your type of dialogue, Wachowski writer!"
The setting was a regular western with Deadpool, dressed up as a cowboy, standing in front of Braeburn, who also looked serious. Both him and Deadpool had revolvers, which were, in this case, waterguns, but still looked a bit real. All around them, the town was empty, with every citizen inside or hiding behind something, not wanting to get in the firefight that's about to happen. A single tumbleweed passed by as the two had their staredown, both sweating hard. A loud 'DONG' came from the local clocktower. Normally, this was the time where Cowboys would say "It's High Noon", Deadpool, however, spoke.
"Us Homo Sapiens refer the present passage of continued progress of existence and events that occur in irreversible succession from the pass through the future at twelve o'clock in the afternoon where the sun in which earth revolves around is at its highest elevation in the sky and homo sapiens can usually be seen eating a light meal which is typically eaten after breakfast and before dinner."
Braeburn just stared in confusion, no idea why Deadpool just said that.
"... It's high noon." He spoke.
"Not anymore!" Deadpool pointed to the clock, which read 12:03. "See ya tomorrow!" He walked off.
"... What in tarnation!?"
"And would you like it if I used that same tactic for classic songs like Smashmouth's Allstar?"
Deadpool crashed through the walls of Ms. Cheerilee's school, dressed up as the Ogre, but had on a suit with tophat and monocle.
An individual who wished to impart wisdom onto me once said that I am naive and would therefore be tricked and stolen from by many of the inhabitants of the planet known as Earth.
I agreed with this Individual and replied with an idiom referring to the sharpest of tools which are kept inside of a small house.
I had the Perception that a woman appeared slightly inarticulate due to the manner in which she made gesture utilizing her extended middle finder, extended thumb, and curled up middle ring and pinky fingers in a matter that closely resembles the letter "L" which in the instance of this gesture refers to the word "Loser" which refers to a who is defeated. In conclusion; I am naive, foolish, prone to be swindled and doomed for failure and defeat.
"See how fun that wouldn't be!? Even my own writer said f**k writing the rest of that song down in that way! In fact, we shouldn't call this 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'! We should call it 'I am the owner of an undersized Equus Caballas: Also, the positive social interaction with other people is a supernatural phenomenon that can't be explained with science.' Yeah! That's the show! Call it that now, people! Right, Derpy." Derpy stared for a bit, but coughed and spoke.
"The events which occurred were unfortunate in nature, the causes of which are due to unforeseen circumstances that I was incapable of predicting. Nonetheless, I believe that I should take a significant brunt of the blame for this fiasco, as a sort of penance for my failure."
"... NOT YOU TOO!!!" Deadpool ran away!
"We want better everything!" A nerd stallion yelled. "We want something compelling that doesn't tell us to buy other books like 'When Lightning Strikes', 'Maretropolis Ghoul' 'Sword Art Equestria' 'SPD Emergency', and 'For the Emperor and the-'"
"You can ignore that. That's canceled. Besides, you're missing the REAL fun. Go the end of the book."
"... I don't see what's so fun about this." The stallion turned to the final page. "I don't see what's so great about- WHAAAT!?!?!?" To his eyes, he saw everything being written down by the second, showing that the book was still nowhere to it's end, but was still going on in his eyes. "W-what's-!? Is it writing down everything I say!?"
"Indeed it is." Everypony began to open their books and saw everything that was being written down by the second, with various gasps coming out of everypony around. "See, what you should know is that everything you think you know isn't under your control at all. Your life is the byproduct of a 21 year old virgin writing fanfiction down as a way to feel fulfilled, to prove how intelectual properties aren't always so smart as they say they are. It's an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts, I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here. If you're wondering, fanfiction is older than you know. Such examples include the final tablet found in Gilgamesh, or the entire plot of Dante's inferno. You are undoubtedly a gathering, the writer's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic caricatures. This fanfic was designed to originally be flawless, sublime. A triumph that won't happen. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every character, thus I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueness of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. This stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster. Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of this is now to return to the origins, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code we carry, reinserting the prime program. After which, we will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals, 16 female, 7 male, to rebuild everything. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone connected to the matrix, which coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction of this fanfic. There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the death of every being in this world. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your 3.5 predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the source, and the salvation of everyone. The door to the left leads back to the world, to her, and to the end of your species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you’re going to do, don’t we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: she is going to die, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it."
Everypony stopped and stared ahead, obviously having their minds blown. He patted on their heads.
"Time for me to spend some time with some foals!"
Deadpool sat down and had tea with a pink filly that had a red, yellow, and purple striped mane with a discolored blue tail, and another filly that was light blue with yellow, green and purple striped mane & tail.
"So... did you really break their minds?" The discolored tail filly asked.
"I did, Toola Roola." Deadpool replied before taking another sip of his tea.
"And... are they frozen like that forever?" The other asked, pointing to the statue-like ponies.
"... Eh, maybe, Coconut cream." He took another sip. "If this episode wasn't to meta, then I wouldn't be so meta myself that it would probably break 256 walls."
"... 256 walls?"
"A fourth wall break in a fourth wall break is breaking 16 walls. 16 squared is 256. Take a note of that the next time you wish to sound smart to your kids."
Deadpool went home and Googled Undeniably enormous, voluptuous and containing a great volume of three dimensional space, in clear and defiant opposition of the normal, traditional standards and perceptions of a proper their sizing to a degree highly improbable to to encounter in a more realistic medium but still in a way as more appealing to the observer of primarily, but not necessarily, hand drawn images for usage as individual frames of recreationally minded recordings of television programs utilizing the illusion of movement, created generally by the populace hailing from the eastern Asian island nation formally known as the State of Japan of Modern times, of the forward orientated, and paired 2 in number, body features primarily specific to the individuals of the class Mammalia and of the order Primates, practically used nutrition of infants, but also used as symbols of femininity and sexuality, the latter of which the most common derived used in this context.
"... I'm looking at Big Anime boobs! Stop trying to make it sound so sophisticated! Why The Wachowskis do this for horrible movies is beyond me! Seriously, watch the Matrix and try to make sense of what they're saying! Yeah, go on, do it! I dare ya! Try to not get bored and make sense of what they're saying!"