//------------------------------// // Episode 8: For Once An Explanation Kinda Sorta Goes As Planned // Story: I Have No Mouth, and I Must Squee ( A Comment Driven Story) // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// As you start to sweat nervously with all eyes are on you, there is really only one thing you can think of... Blame it on beastman. Its always beastmans fault!! Somehow. Damn it Beastman! I don't know how, but I just know you’re the one to blame for this! I swear next time I see you I'll be demoting you to janitorial duty! Nyeh! To complete your thoughts you gain an angry face and shake your fist into the air. This of course causes the surrounding ponies to look at you weirdly as Applebloom asks, "Uh...What's it doing?" "I do believe it is a he Applebloom,” Granny Smith answers, “And ah think he might be shaking his...whatever in anger." Applebloom makes an adorable 'ooooh' sound, which snaps you out of your delusional anger towards Beastman. However before you can go into yet another adorable coma Twilight says, "Well I don't care if it-he's angry! I want to know just what in the hay he's been doing!" To this you respond with... Put on the most unimpressed face you can and try to convey "you're not my mum" with pictures, realise she won't get it, crumple it up and remind her to teach you how to read. The look of insulted frustration is very important to sell the deal. The most unimpressed face you can. "What's with the look?! I'm asking a reasonable question here!" Twilight huffs. You just continue to hold that look as you proceed to draw multiple pictures that all convey the one thing on your mind. You’re not my mom Twilight! I don't have to answer any questions you ask me because you hold no power over me! All you have is magic and access to a sun goddess with weapons that can turn me to sto-why am I trying to annoy you again? Twilight just stares at the pictures in confusion, although you guess you can’t blame her, all you’ve drawn is the Nirvana Album Cover with the dead smiley face. "I'm sorry, but I have no clue as to what this means. Maybe you should try writing what you mean...what's with that look?" Said look is one of utter insulted frustration, followed by a face-palm at how Twilight forgot that you still cannot write or read their language. Geeze Twilight! You’re supposed to be the smart one, how can you forget the alien being can't understand your writing? You sigh before drawing out a picture trying to remind Twilight of this fact. You draw a book in a circle with a line in it, before pointing to your eyes and shaking your head. "Oh right! You still can't read or write our language yet!” she chuckles in embarrassment. “I can't believe I forgot about that. Hopefully soon we can address that huh?" You nod your head at this while keeping a blank look, but on the inside you’re cheering. Yes! Now hopefully I can learn their language to the soothing voice of Tara Strong. As a plus side, she looks like she’s forgotten about- "Wait a minute! Your just trying to distract me aren't you!?" she accuses suddenly, the frustration returning to her face. I just had to jinx it, didn't I? you face-palm again. Well...they say honesty is the best policy right? Plus she sorta thinks I'm psychic so... Kazuma Michishige's Comment You proceed to draw a series of pictures describing what happened. You draw an all seeing illuminati eye, then you show yourself with lines to indicate you seeing a vision of an overworked Applejack via showing her bucking with a bunch of zzzs above her head crossed out, and then and equal sign next to a drawing showing Ponyville on fire. You then draw you getting the idea to give Applejack a bottle, and then draw her drinking too much and passing out. This entire process takes you several minutes before you finish and hand it to Twilight, making sure you have everything numbered in a chronological order, even if she can't read your numbers, she should be able to understand what you mean. She takes the pad from you, and you flex your sore hand. I really hope I can get a better form of communication soon. My poor hand is suffering. Twilight finishes looking through your drawings and gives the pad back to you. "So let me see if I understand this," she starts. "You had a vision of Applejack overworking herself?" You nod. "Which would have resulted with a disaster in Ponyville?" Another nod. "So you decided that you would give her alcohol, causing her to pass out?" You nod thirdly with a guilty look to Granny Smith and you give the “kind of” hand wave. Twilight sighs and rubs her head, "Why didn't you just tell me or any of my friends if there was going to be a disaster?" You proceed to glare at Twilight. She looks confused before she manages to remember, "Wait, that seizure you had earlier, was that your vision?" You nod a fourth time. Your neck is getting weary of nodding. She has the decency to look embarrassed, "Oh, um, sorry?" You nod her head at her apology, but before you can 'say' anything else she asks, "But wait, if that's the case then why did you give your escorts those rotten muffins? Wouldn't they have been able to help you out?" To that you draw... Say you gave the guards the cupcakes because you thought it'd be easier than waiting for everyone else to get sick and you didn't want Pinkie to be sick as well. A Cupcake with stink lines with arrows pointing to Pinkie Pie’s Cutie Mark with hearts above it, then the Foxtrot and the other Guard’s cutie marks with X’s over them, followed by a clock face, and Applejack’s cutie mark. Twilight raises her eye at this. “Okay, I can see you like Pinkie and dislike the guards obviously…” she starts, “A clock and Applejack…Did you think getting them sick would give you more time to stop Applejack somehow?” You nod your head again, which causes you to wince cause now you can really feel a notch forming from all the nodding. God I miss being able to say yes or no. Life was so much easier and less straining to my neck. "Okay, while I appreciate you stopping my friend from getting her stomach pumped I still think there must have been an easier way than getting two other ponies sick,” she chides. You point back to the clock and insinuate it counting down. "Well I guess you were running out of time. Still you better apologize to them after they’re back to full health!" she orders and you reluctantly agree. I'll apologize alright, but I won't mean it! Those jerks had it coming for not bothering to treat me with the respect I deserve! As well as for acting like I don't exist till something goes wrong! The stallion hasn’t even told me his name! Twilight smiles at your agreement. "Good, now come on. With Applejack in bed maybe we can actually help her ou-" "Now wait one moment, ah think we're forgetting something here!" Granny Smith interrupts. "Now that we know what ya been doing, I'd like to know why ya'll thought getting mah granddaughter drunk was the best solution?!" To this you chuckle nervously before you do what you do best... If at all possible explain to Granny Smith that you can't read and therefore didn't realise it was alcohol until Applejack passed out then apologise about lying because you thought it'd be awkward to explain. Stretch the truth as far as possible. You draw on your notepad of you looking at the bottle surrounded by question marks. Granny Smith is intrigued by this as she asks, "Wait...so you had no clue that there bottle was alcoholic because you couldn't read it?" You nod your head at this, which only causes Twilight to groan. "That doesn't make any sense! You told us that your plan was to get Applejack drunk, so if you didn't know it was alcohol then why did you take it in the first place!?" You shake your head no at this as you draw a picture of you giving the bottle to Applejack, and then you taking a drink, then the both of you working on the trees together, followed by the non burning Ponyville. Applebloom's eyes widen at the picture as she gasps. "Ah got it! He wanted ta get on Applejack's good side so she'd let him help her! So he wanted to share a drink because he thought she'd be thirsty from all the hard work, and that way he’d save the town!" You pat Applebloom’s head at this while smiling. Not even close, but it’s still the truth since I did want to get on her good side. Getting her drunk and leading her into town would just be an added benefit. "So getting mah sister drunk...was an accident?" You nod your head at Big Mac's guess while miming her chugging the whole thing and you raising your shoulders in a “What Could I Do?” shrug. Getting this drunk to pass out wasn’t what I wanted. She just wouldn't stop chugging...that sounds wrong. Granny Smith looks between you and the other apples before saying, "Well if that's what ya say. I still don't believe that's the entire truth, but as long as you’re sorry then I'm willing to let it slide." To this you nod your head in an enthusiastic, yet humble, way. This causes Granny to smile as do the rest of the apples, but out of the corner of your eye you see Twilight eyeing you suspiciously. Oh so now you’re smart enough to think something’s suspicious?! I swear you must have a selective intelligence or something. Kazuma Michishige's Comment Sunbro4life's Comment Before you can think of a way to throw Twilight off, you hear scrabbling from upstairs and suddenly Applejack stumbles into the room, her eyes red and she’s swaying. Huh. Guess her tolerance is better that I thought. She then locks eyes on you (as best as she can in her drunken/exhausted state) and warbles. “That wasn’t *Hic* Cider you sassafrassin liar!” “Applejack, calm down. You need your rest. We’re already discussing Skeletor’s mis-“ Twilight tries to explain, but gets interrupted. “I don’t need no rest! I can do it myself!” she grunts as she stumbles to the table. “And You! What did you do after I fell asleep?” I didn’t do anything! What’s with the accusations? “It’s alright sis,” Applebloom chimes in. Thank You Avatar of Cuteness. “Skeletor here took you to bed. Well, after Big Mac got all upset by it for some reason and punched him.” No! Bad Applebloom! Phrasing! It’s too late though as Big Mac looks sheepish, and Applejack shouts in surprise. “HE DID WHAT?!” Face-Palming, you let out a sigh and calmly stand up from the table. You look to the upset, dazed eyes of Applejack, before looking to Twilight. You explain this to her. My hand hurts, you mime out to her. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be putting my Zoidberg impression to good use. With that you… Last resort: "Hey! Look over there!" Promptly hide. PS: When things get violent, use table as a shield and exit through window. This will be unpopular with others but being dead/in hospital is unpopular with me. Point behind Applejack and put and gasp in “Fear”. Applejack looks behind her in confusion, and you take this chance to flip the table. Food goes flying as the ponies all duck for cover, but you are already in crab formation (hands clipping and all) and are running out the door. With no voice Zoidberg's whooping is kind of dampened and airy, but the point still get’s across. I just know I'm gonna regret flipping that table. It will be unpopular with the others, but being dead and/or in the hospital is unpopular with me! Now where was I...oh yeah! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! As you scuttle away you hear Twilight calling out for you. You can't hear what she's saying, but at the moment you don’t care. You need to put some distance between you and the drunken Farm Pony who is misunderstanding the situation. Better safe than sorry. This way I won’t get my knee caps kicked in. Whooping the whole way, you enact your emergency safety plan. When it all goes pear shaped, run like Hell to Pinkie's. Quick Robin! To the Pinkie-Mobile! Otherwise it’s bye bye ponyland, and hello hell! Whoop Whoop Whoop! SOMETIME LATER Greatness942's Comment BrownDog's Comment After running from the Farm channeling Classic Joseph with a side of Zoidberg, you end up lost in the center of town, the only real landmark being that Twilight's library is right in front of you. I knew I should have paid more attention to that tour of Ponyville Pinkie gave me last week! This is what I get for trying to see if Pinkie's mane was cotton candy or not. Curse you lack of hindsight!!! And I still have no clue if it is or not! "Skeletor, get back here!” you hear Twilight shouting. No Way Jose! You deal with Applejack, I’m done! You then look for a good place to hide from the Unicorn. Come on, Skeletor Joestar! Think! Where can I… Right in front of you, to the right of the library door is a cardboard box that apparently was discarded during the moving process. With a grin, you walk over and crouch, picking up the box, before covering yourself with it. Yep, if it can work with the clone of the greatest soldier alive, it can work for me. Twilight runs up to the library and looks around. Miraculously, she doesn’t even seem to glance at or notice the box. “Darn It Skeletor!” she grunts before facehooving. “Oh no Princess Celestia, it won’t be a problem at all. I’ll watch over this biped that nearly brought upon the apocalypse. It will be easy peasy!” Heh. Twilight Snarkle in the house, you chuckle giddily. She then groans again and walks into the library where you hear her call out. "Spike! There you are. Listen, the creature's gone missing and we're going to need to look for him.” “But I just got back from bringing our stuff from Canterlot,” Spike groans. “I know, and I appreciate it Spike, but Skeletor is loose without his escort and who knows what he’ll do.” Yeah, he could even be hiding under a box. Very sinister Twi, you roll your eyes. “Is it really all that bad?” he asks. “Of course. Never underestimate a scared animal, they’re unpredictable. He just upended Applejack’s kitchen table and ran out the door. Poor Applejack got bonked in the head with the lemonade pitcher and passed out.” What?! I didn’t mean to do that! You think in dread. Crap! Why am I so good at knocking ponies out? “On the plus side, at least she’s resting again, but still it’s my duty to the Princess that I keep an eye on him. The book I was reading earlier had an entry on something very similar to his kind Spike. Plus now it’s come out that he’s apparently psychic, so there’s so much I have to look into.” Wait, someone like me's been here? And they're in a mysterious book...oh yeah! Maybe I should check that out soon. "Okay, Twilight," Spike replies, "I was going to grab some parchment and quills anyway. If I see him on the way, I’ll let you know. What’s it look like again?” “He’s a biped. Trust me, you’ll know him if you see him.” And with that, Twilight rushes out of the building and down the road levitating a book and a length of rope. “A lot of different things walk on two legs Twilight,” Spike grumbles and shakes his head as he exits. “Know it when I see it huh? I wonder if it’s got sharp claws and big walrus tusks…” When Spike is a good ways away from you, you lift the box and stand up. Okay...I’m definitely going to have to apologize to AJ and the rest of the Apples later, but I guess now is as good a time as ever to find that book. With that, you enter the unlocked library. As you look around the layout (and intentionally ignore the Havoc Staff) you think, Alright, if I was an obsessive Bookworm who's researching a new species, where would I read it? You look up the stairs. Bingo. Walking upstairs, you find a lot of books around Twilight's bed. Great, that's a lot of books to look through. I hope they have pictures or I’m S.O.L. Stupid alien looking gobbledeegook letters! You then proceed to search the books around the tiny little bed. That fact still gets to you about just how tiny everything is. Heck, your head almost hits the roof in many of the houses you've entered. I know the show was called My Little Pony, but I figured they'd at least be pony sized. I'm like the height of Iron Will or even Discord. Although there are still Kaiju Bears and literal Godzilla sized dragons out there, but still... Many of the books do in fact have pictures, but many of them are just taxonomy graphs of different species of animals. I really hope she’s not planning on dissecting me… Eventually you do find an older looking book, and it even has a bookmark. Flipping through it, you find an old sketch. It looks like a child's drawing, but next to a poorly drawn pony is something that might be a human with a smiley face. It has some sort of blue overalls with a heart on it, and has a yellow ponytail with a bow in it. Wait, is that the girl from the original series? Megan or something? You never watched the show itself, since there were plenty of other 80’s cartoons that you obsessed over like Transformers, GI Joe, and of course, He-Man, but through osmosis of being a brony, you at least knew some things about the original show. But that doesn't make sense, that was a different universe, and this place is a reboot. Plus Luna said she and Celestia took down Grogar, and they had no clue what a human was. Did this happen even further in the past? Is there cross franchise bleed through? What?! But before you can think too much on this, you hear a gasp and the cluttering of items falling to the floor. Turning around you see Spike, staring up at you sitting on Twilight's bed, with fear in his eyes. "Y-You're that thing Twilight and the girls have been talking about...She was right…" As you stare at the nervous dragon you raise an inquisitive eyebrow. Well if it isn't the universe's other punching bag…who just so happens to know how to shoot fire…and I’m sitting on who is essentially his big sister’s bed…Well this is awkward. WHAT DO YOU DO?