Twilight was not pleased that I had almost killed her with a kinetic strike from space. I thought the keyword there was “almost.” At any rate, the CMC, who had been with her at the time in Silent Hill, didn’t think it was that big a deal.
I told them all that Gabby had been responsible for the large explosion that had nearly killed me, too. After seeing the damage to Tin Mare, Twilight believed it. So the Rods From God stayed concealed from prying purple eyes. I figured the fewer people that knew about them, the better. Twilight, needless to say, was not on the need-to-know list.
However, now Gabby knew about them and had somehow survived them. I knew she was good at everything, but come on! This was all going to be so much harder now that Tin Mare was out of action for a while and we knew who we were dealing with.
You might think that knowing who the bad guy was would actually make it easier. But this was Gabby. She was good at everything. I had a sneaking suspicion that her identity being public was only going to make things worse.
I called a meeting at The Half Pint and laid out everything I was willing to tell the girls about the situation. Reactions were mixed. Most of them were skeptical. But Twilight believed. She knew that if I said it was serious, then it was pretty goddamned serious.
It was kind of weird, being believed in. Now I knew how Santa felt. Shit.
“Apple Bloom brought back some kind of tracked thing,” said Applejack. I assumed she was referring to the Snow Utility Track vehicle I had built and the CMC and Twilight had been using when the RFG hit. Apparently being half a mile away helped. They’d managed to drive it all the way back to Ponyville.
“Yeah, that’s the SNUT,” I said in response to Applejack’s question.
“You know how I feel about them operating heavy equipment,” she said.
“Right, but it’s way less dangerous than the multiple combat robots they’ve piloted,” I pointed out.
“Even still.”
“Don’t snub the SNUT, you slut.”
I didn’t really think Applejack was a slut, but I am an absolutely asinine alliteration activist.
“While we’re at this meeting,” said Twilight, “I noticed something strange the other day. Princess Celestia has taken a sudden interest in rocks. Most ponies wouldn’t say anything, but as her friend and student I feel like I should.”
That was because Maud Pie had replaced Sunset, who had replaced Celestia. Supposedly temporarily. We didn’t know. Celestia was nowhere to be found.
“I’m sure it’s just tricks playing on your imagination.”
Twilight frowned. “Don’t you mean-”
”What, Twilight, what do I mean?”
While Twilight was still reeling from my comeback, Fluttershy of all people spoke up. “Um, since we’re at this meeting, I was hoping I could say something.”
I gestured, opening the floor to her.
“I’ve been noticing pillows lately,” she said.
“Uh huh,” I replied. That was the kind of statement that required further explanation.
“They’ve been appearing in my house.”
“Okay.”
“They’re embroidered with Daisy, Lily, Rose, and I.”
“Mhm.”
“Being brutally murdered.”
“Well, that doesn’t pleasant at all.” And it didn’t. That must have been a ton of needlepoint work.
“They’re just appearing?” said Twilight. “If they’re being teleported in, I could work up a spell to trace them.”
That decided, Twilight went with Fluttershy to her place to check out the pillows. I went along, because embroidering pillows of people being brutally murdered sounded exactly like the kind of thing I should check out.
Not the brutal murder part, the part where someone was leaving them around. If I wanted to see brutal murder, I’d do one.
At Fluttershy’s place, Twilight got to casting her spells. While she was doing that, I thought about how I was going to stop Gabby.
Her only weakness I could think of was that she wasn’t quite the best at doing security, like when she’d almost not protected Coloratura when Twi-minator was after her. Maybe that meant I could somehow force a paradox by being the best security ever for a band that crossed over to play in this world.
I frowned. No, that wouldn’t work. Gabby might not be the best at security, but she was the best at breaking security.
As the other two were occupied, I was the first to notice the rising water levels. Fluttershy’s place was pretty watertight, so my first indication was when the water reached the bottoms of the windows. “Uh, guys?”
We rushed upstairs to escape. Fluttershy could fly away, provided she snorted the right amount of pepper and sneezed herself into a pegasus. As for Twilight and me, I almost called Tin Mare before I remembered she was down for overhaul after the close range strike by Rods From God.
“Where could that water have come from?” said Twilight. “If it’s not natural, I don’t think it’s a good idea to swim in it, just to be sure. What are we going to do to stop the water?”
“Make like a tree and levee,” I suggested.
Twilight frowned. “Don’t you mean-”
”What, Twilight, what do I mean?”
Pinkie showed up just then in her pedal copter. That was sure convenient. She lifted us off the roof. “Wow, what happened down there?”
“Somepony must have broken the beaver dam on the stream,” said Fluttershy. “The beavers wouldn’t do it themselves, they know it would flood my house.”
Gabby again, probably. The best at beaver dam breaking.
Pinkie let us off at a bench just outside of town. An old mare was already sitting there.
I sighed. “I get the feeling things are just going to get crazier around here. I was afraid that now that Gabby doesn’t have to hide her identity, she’ll really cut lose.”
“I don’t know about that, dearie,” said the old mare.
“Sorry,” I said. “I meant that for Twilight, if anyone.”
“Oh, I thought you were talking to me.”
“Why would I be talking to you about the latest, most-competent supervillain?” I said. “I don’t even know who you are. Get your ass out of here.”
Being mean to old ladies wasn’t consistant with my goals of being a nice guy, but I allowed myself the indulgence.
“That wasn’t very nice,” said Twilight as the old mare walked away in a huff.
“I held back. I would have added ‘Get your ass out of here, and the horse you rode in on’ except nopony would get the joke. In fact, they’d probably say something like ‘But I am the horse I rode in on.’”
“Fluttershy is the horse I rode in on,” said Pinkie, bouncing her eyebrows. Everyone ignored her, because at this point it was just easier.
Twilight sighed and sat back on the bench. “Good timing with the pickup, though.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Pinkie, I haven’t seen you flying that thing very much.”
“Well, somepony kind of used to hog the airspace,” she said.
“And I’ll go right back to doing it when Tin Mare is fixed.” I turned to Twilight. “Have you got the company stock report? We’ll need some oil.”
“I’ll need some oil,” said Pinkie. We ignored her.
“Well, I don’t have the latest Valiantco® report on me, but I can remember most of the details,” said Twilight.
I explained. “While Tin Mare is down, I’m thinking about doing some upgrades to her. Not only increasing the efficiency of the mechanics through lubrication - the screwing, the pistoning -”
“I’m going to be doing some screwing and pistoning!” said Pinkie.
I shook my head and went on. “Plus, we need to increase the volatility to get more power. The fuel flow is already as high as it goes, so the fuel itself needs to have more energy.”
“Why not turn up the flow on the fuel injectors?” suggested Twilight.
“They’re already squirting as much as they can.” I held up a hoof. “Pinkie, don’t even goddamned say it.”
Twilight nodded. “I’ll look at the lab results on the crude oil and get back to you. If Gabby is really as bad as you say-” she shuddered “-we’ll need as much help as we can get.”
She had that right.
After our conversation, we left Pinkie and Fluttershy and walked into town. The farmers’ market on the train was here. Still selling suspicious amounts of grapes, I saw.
“Yeah,” I commented, breaking the silence between us. “I don’t want to go nuclear again, because it’s a lot of work, but that’s an option to defeat Gabby.”
“What if she goes nuclear too for that mutually assured destruction you talked about?” Twilight said.
“The difference is, I’m crazy enough to do it.”
“That doesn’t make me feel safe.”
“I mean, particle physics gives me a hadron.”
Twilight opened her mouth and paused. “I thought for sure I knew how that was going to go, but you surprised me with the pun.”
“It’s so I can make a joke later about ‘large hardon collider.’”
“Ah.”
Speaking of colliding hardons, Sir Win appeared just then. “What’s this about colliding hardons?”
I told him.
“It does work pretty well as a pun, though lowbrow as your standard.”
I nodded. He was right.
I kept walking with Twilight back to the library where I checked my shelf of snowglobes. Twilight came over for a look. “I have to say, while you explained your human Christmas traditions, I’m surprised you actually followed up with some, particularly collecting fragile baubles.”
“I dunno,” I said, gesturing. “I got the first one somewhere and it just kind of took off from there. Maybe it reminds me of a simpler time, back before all this Gabby business happened.”
She gave me a flat look. “When was it ever simple?”
“Well, hindsight is four-twenty.”
Twilight frowned. “Don’t you mean-”
”What, Twilight, what do I mean?” I shook my head. “Come on, this was after you got the hadron pun.”
Wachowski arrived just then. “Pinkie Pie wants me to direct a rom-com. It stars her and Fluttershy. I think it’s a thinly veiled attempt to bait me into making porn.” She grumbled. “Not that I mind people coming to me for movie advice, but this is beneath me.”
“I didn’t know you were into movies,” said Twilight. “Though, I suppose we haven’t talked much since you arrived.”
“Lana Wachowski.” She shook hooves with Twilight. “I make movies.”
“And Santa Claus’ bitch,” I added.
She shot me a glare. “So are you.”
“Valiant hasn’t spoken highly of you,” said Twilight.
“He wouldn’t, would he?”
Twilight laughed. “I guess that means we’re friends now.”
“Looks like I should leave you two alone,” I said. “I can tell when I’m not wanted, I usually just ignore it.”
“Well, thanks,” said Wachowski.
I clicked my tongue and winked. “It’s the thought that counts, and it’s the count that thoughts.”
Twilight frowned. “Don’t you mean-”
“Correct me again, Twilight, I’ll rip your spine out through your goddamned throat.”
“Well pardon me for saying so, but I think I have a little better grasp on language than you do,” she huffed.
“Yeah, well, I’m an asshole and I generally don’t use words that I don’t know what they mean,” I shot back. “All offense intended, all malaprop planned.”
“Except when you’re drunk,” muttered Wachowski.
“Good point.”
“Are you drunk now?” Twilight asked.
“The fact that you can’t tell speaks to my abilities as a functioning alcoholic.”
With that, I left them.
Outside the library, I ran into Pinkie and Fluttershy. Pinkie was flipping through what looked like a movie script and appeared to be soliciting it to anyone who passed by.
“No,” I said when she asked.
“Just like this relationship, I don’t think this movie is going anywhere,” said Fluttershy.
“Don’t be such a pessimist posey!” said Pinkie, laughing.
“I’m just saying what I see,” said Fluttershy. “And now that my house is destroyed, my only option is to stay with you-”
Pinkie grinned.
“-or break up with you so I’m not obligated.”
“Wait, what?” said Pinkie.
“Wait, what?” said me.
“That’s what I said!” said Pinkie. She turned back to Fluttershy. “Come on, you’re talking crazy because your house was destroyed.”
“It’s terrible,” said Fluttershy. Her voice sounded like she was going to die of embarrassment, but she kept going. “But it’s only now that I don’t have any more excuses that I finally have to own up to it. I’m not going to let a tragedy doom me to be with you forever.”
She turned and walked away.
There was a sound like the air being let out of a balloon and Pinkie’s poofy mane deflated. “W-what? She’s gone?”
I watched as Fluttershy departed, honestly surprised, but a growing satisfaction in her for finally doing something for herself for once.
Pinkie watched her go, her face seeming to fall further and further. I put my foreleg around her. “This is going to take awhile and you aren’t going to want to be sober.”