"Pain is just weakness leaving the body. And then being replaced by pain. Lots of pain."
-Nurse Redheart
”You'll be safe here," says a whisper behind you.
Welcome to Pony Vale.
Happy Friday, wonderful listeners. Mayor Mare asked me to give you all an important announcement. Apparently books all over Pony Vale have stopped functioning. The mayor stated that she nor the Princesse’s Secret Royal Guard have determined the cause of this; However, they do know the signs of broken books.
These signs include sparks, rapid page flipping, meaty covers, eyeballs, and spontaneously combusting. The mayor has adviced that all citezens stay away from reading any books in the meantime. So to Princess Twilight Sparkle, who is the biggest book worm I know, I’m sorry that you’ll have to stop reading for awhile. Not that there’s anything wrong with books. I’ve actually been reading a lot the past few days with Twilight. She’s gotten me to read this book about Equestrian Mythology and it is fascinating! Too bad I’ll have to wait awhile before I can start reading again.
And now the news.
Applejack, you know, the Element of Honesty, reported that a strange creeping fear passed over all of Pony Vale the other day. It hovered over Rarity’s Boutique, through city hall, and finally reached towards the Apple Orchard. No pony knows how or why this fear came and left us just as fast as it arrived, but we do hope to never experience it again. I wonder where that creeping fear will go to now?
On other news, mysterious papers have been hanging throughout our lovely community. Fluttershy reported to our newest intern, Shoeshine, that these pages are very eerie.
“Most of them are writings of scary words,” stated Fluttershy, “and others are of circles with an X over it. But what’s really scary is that there are a few with a tall pony with no face.”
She quickly then ran into her cottage as many locks were heard from behind her door.
But this is really strange, Pony Vale. Just a couple days ago I was handed a page with a very similar description that Fluttershy gave. It shows the picture of the tall faceless pony with black tendrils behind it, and warnings surrounding it.
Oh, hold on a second. I’ve just been handed a note by Shoeshine. It’s from the tall faceless pony. Where did you get this, Shoeshine? She says she found it in front of our station’s door after she was done interviewing Fluttershy. Thank you, Shoeshine. I hope this isn’t another letter from Station Management, they’re always complaining about things.
(Sounds of Letter Opening followed by a hard wet smacking sound hitting on desk)
Oh. Oh my. Let’s move on with the show shall we?
There have been numerous sightings of hot air balloons just hovering above the town, but slightly lower than the floating lights above city hall. These hot air balloons, however, have appeared in different colors. But do not worry, I’ve been informed by Princess Luna to tell you what these colors mean.
Yellow Air Balloons? Probably Appaloosa checking Pony Vale out and maybe not safe to take your children outside to play.
Yellow & White striped Air Balloons? That is the Princess’s Secret Royal Guard. They will keep a good eye on your siblings and hardly ever take them for experimentation.
And what about the purple ones? We don’t know, I wouldn’t advise taking your kids or even going outside yourself to check them out. Also remember, give your kids plenty of water and some apple slices before they go and play outside.
And now a brief message about keeping our community clean.
Tree Hugger, head of the K.E.E.P, (Keeping Equestria Environmentally Pleasent) would like to ask everyone to clean up after themselves. She asks that when you are done eating a simple candy bar or chewing gum, that you put your trash into the trash bin. Miss Hugger explains that this will keep our lovely planet from rotting and hurting us back in the process.
However, she adds, do not pick up the trash with a small red rose in it. Just ignore it and let the Secret Royal Guard take care of it. Remember the slogan:
No roses? Put it in the trash! Roses? Pray for deliverance.
Let’s have a look at traffic.
Oh.
Oh wow.
Well that looks good.
Hmm, yep.
Oh hey! That fellow needs to slow down.
This isn’t drag racing.
Oh never mind, he just crashed into that tree.
Well at least the road is safe now.
This has been traffic
Um, dear listeners. Intern Shoeshine is desperately knocking on the recording booths glass. What is it, Shoeshine?
Oh.
Oh dear.
It appears that more of the pages of the tall faceless pony have appeared. Except they were not outside the station. They were found right outside my room.
Hmm, oh. I just got a letter from Princess Twilight. Thank you, Shoeshine.
(Sound of letter opening)
Wow, what beautiful writing, Twilight. Now let us see what it says.
Dear Cecil,
I don’t know what this tall faceless pony is, but it seems you are angering it. I’ve been logging, for the past 10 minutes, that every time you mention the weird creature more pages appear in Ponyville.
Oh, she misspelled Pony Vale again. Anyways,
I wanted to let you know that you should not mention this creature’s name anymore. Don’t talk about it or even read this letter out loud.
Oh.
(Sound of weird inaudible screams and gurgling)
Um! Dear listeners! We’ll be back after a word from our sponsors!
(Voice is calm) Today’s Show has been brought to you by Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie Pie has come up with a ton of recipes that will make your head spin! I just went there myself two days ago and boy were the cupcakes delicious! I even saw the hooded figures from the dragon park eating there. I guess everyone has a sweet tooth. It is also mandatory that verypony eat there as stated by Mayor Mare.
And remember, nopony makes a cupcake like Pinkie Pie. No one.
(Panicked voice) And now dear listeners, the weather.
Dear listeners, I’m currently hiding under my desk and speaking to you with the microphone I have dragged with me. And unfortunately Intern Shoeshine was taken away by the horrifying tall and faceless pony! If you are related to Shoeshine then I’m sorry to inform you that she is most likely dead or in a reality where she could very well still be alive but tormented for all eternity! But we will surely see her again at the “Dress Up As A Dead Intern Festival” which will be hosted at the Radio Station here on May 26th from 8:00 to 10:00PM!
(Sound of door bursting open)
He’s here. If you don’t hear from me again listeners, then it’s truly been a pleasure. Goodnight, Pony Vale, and goodbye.