This last month I’ve spent here... Wow. I’ve seen alot of cool stuff and a couple of scary things but all in all; it’s been awesome. I’m now used to the pace that I have to do stuff in, and it’s actually been really pleasant. I don’t have to stress to get anywhere, because if I’m in a hurry to get somewhere, Fluttershy picks me up and walks me to the place I have to be. I also got a quick glimpse of Princess Luna. Yikes, she sure changed when she wasn’t on the show. I still like her older mane better though, but I’m not complaining. For once.
Sometimes, Fluttershy has to leave for the day and leaves us animals at her house. That’s when I can really relax, as Satan, also known as Angel, occupies himself by going outside and doing something. I haven’t figured out what he’s doing yet, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a very pleasant thing for me to go through. But right now I’m at Fluttershy’s house alone, unless I count the birds crapping on the couch at the moment. She had brought Satan with her, but just before they walked out the door, the little bastard blew a raspberry and did an ’up yours’ gesture towards me. I just stuck out my tongue at him..
Shame that he didn’t see what I did with his food... Oh, he will figure out what I did. Eventually.
I’ve met all of the Mane 6, except for Rainbow Dash over the weeks I’ve been here. I got a hug from Pinkie Pie when I met her the first time. Despite popular belief, Pinkie’s mane smells like raspberries, instead of cotton candy. The more you know but still, a hug from Pinkie. Pie. That’s right. Be jealous. Jealous~. I’ve met Rarity, but she just glared at me with a disgusted expression and scooted away from me as soon as I got too close. Bitch... Rarity is worst pony. Ever, of all time. Twilight and Applejack visited Fluttershy once together and talked.
It’s rude to eavesdrop, but I did managed to hear something about some kind of ‘Cutie Pox’ that had affected Applejack’s younger sister, Applebloom. I didn’t really bother to continue listening to their rambling about it, though. I got bored and trudged away before I would fall asleep because of boredom by listening to them.
Fluttershy had been nice enough to bring me a pillow to lay on in my cosy little corner. The pillow was a light blue with a yellow trim around the edge made by some kind of frilly material. If I had understood what she had said correctly, the pillow itself was filled with pegasi feathers, making it extremely soft but at the same time warm. Probably because of magic, but when I can’t make sense of anything that I see in Equestria, I blame it on magic. It had worked so far. So far, so good. What? I was brought to a world with colorful ponies with magic. Strange shit going on? Magic.
Just as I was about to take a quick nap, a sudden ruckus started in the backyard. I cracked my eyes open and groaned. When the noises wouldn’t stop, I stood up slowly and started walking towards the door leading outside to give the ponies or animals that were causing such a disturbance a piece of my mind. But the only thing I got to do with my mind was to wipe it off the wall behind me.
Out there. Standing next to Fluttershy was Rainbow. Freaking. Dash. Fanboy moment in...
3...
2...
1...
’‘HOH MY GOD THAT’S RAINBOW DASH HOLY HELL BEST PONY! AWWW YEAH THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! WOOOH! Wait... Are they going to sing? OH MY JESUS THEY’RE SINGING!’’ One bad thing about animals being able to understand everything you say around them? They also understand when you freak out in front of them. So now, all of the animals were staring at me. Except for Angel, who was smirking. I shot him a stare and started listening intently.
’’Now, Rainbow, my dear, I cannot express my delight
It's abundantly clear
That somewhere out here
Is the pet that will suit you just right’’
I walked out onto the grass, grinning like an idiot the whole way. I had a feeling in the back of my head that I was being watched, though...
’’I can't wait to get started, but first let me set a few rules
It's of utmost importance
The pet that I get
Is something that's awesome and cool’’
So, the first time I see Rainbow in Equestria, she’s singing? I love my life. I really, really do. Wait... Where is the music coming from again?
’’Awesome, cool, got it!
I have so many wonderful choices, just wait, you will see’’
Wait, wait, wait... Rainbow is looking for a pet? ME! ME! PICK ME FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING, PICK ME!
’’I need something real fast like a bullet to keep up with me’’
...Fuck... Well, time to put on the ’ol charm so I might have a chance in this... Tortoise Swag! Rainbow Dash flew past me, making me lose my footing and ‘gracefully' flop onto my stomach while spinning. My head is spinning... I think I’ll lay down for a minute...
’’Sure! How 'bout a bunny?
They're cutesy and wootsie and quick as can be’’
...What. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash is not the pony to have a bunny. Silly filly.
’’Cutesy, wootsie? Have you even met me?’’
Hate to say ’I told you so’ but, I told you so...
’’Rainbow, have faith
You see, I will bet you
Somewhere in here is the pet that will get you. C'mon, the sky's the limit!’’
Well, that didn’t work like I wanted it to do. I guess I’ll just stand here and look cool, and maybe Rainbow will notice me...
’’Sky is good. I'd like it to fly.’’
Aaand she just trotted past me and didn’t even notice me standing here. That’s cool... I’ll just try a little harder.
’’Really? Because I think this widdle puddy tat has your name written all over it. Yes, he does. Aww, look, he likes you!’’
WOAH! Where the hell did that cat come from?! It wasn’t inside the house when I was in there earlier...
’‘Pass.’’
Called it.
’’I have so many wonderful choices for you to decide
There are otters and seals
With massive appeal’’
WHERE THE HELL DOES THESE RANDOM ANIMALS KEEP COMING FROM?
’’Otters and seals do not fly.’’
’’Maybe not, but I've seen this particular seal catch ten feet of air when he breaches the water!’’
’‘That’s it. I’m outta here.’’
NOOO! You haven’t seen me yet, Rainbow! I’ll stop you!
’’Wait! There must be a pet here
That will fit the ticket
How 'bout a ladybug, or a cute cricket?’’
’’Bigger. And cooler.’’
’’Bigger. Cooler. Right.’’
But... But I’m big. And somewhat cool. I poked Rainbow on the back on her leg, but she just kicked me away. Well that was rude...
’’I've got just the thing in that tree, Dash
Meet your new fabulous pet, Squirrely’’
Fluttershy pulled a rope hanging from a tree, and the bushes moved away and revealed some kind of stage with a squirrel standing on it. ...How did she? Wait. I don’t want to know, as I wish to keep my sanity. For now.
’’It's just a squirrel.’’
No shit, Sherlock? I rolled my eyes and sighed. Then I realised that I had been snarky with Rainbow Dash, and felt like I had to cry.
’’Not just any squirrel. A flying squirrel!’’
She threw the squirrel into the air, it spread its arms and legs and floated down onto the ground. Pretty cool, actually.
’’...Yeah. So, like I was saying’’ Rainbow started trotting off somewhere, I hope she’s not leaving...
’’Fluttershy, pal, this won't cut it
I need a pet to keep up with me
Something awesome, something flying
With coolness that defies gravity!’’
Where did the light go, and why is the only light out right now the spotlight shining down onto Rainbow at the moment? Spooky shit. But this is Equestria so... Meh.
’’I'm sensing you want an animal that can fly.’’
’’Ya think?’’
Ohohohoho! Sarcasm is really funny! Wait... That means that I have to learn to fly. Well... I’ll better get to it.
’’I have plenty of wonderful creatures who soar in the sky
Like a sweet hummingbird or a giant monarch butterfly’’
’’Better, but cooler.’’
’’Cooler? I can do that...’’ I withdrew my head into my shell, rummaged around for a bit until I found a nice pair of shades, put them on and drew my head out again. Unnoticed. Awww...
’’I see. How 'bout an owl, or a wasp, or a toucan?
There's so many wonderful creatures the likes of that
There are falcons and eagles
They are both quite regal
Or perhaps what you need is a dark and mysterious bat?’’
Since when are wasps cool? Toucans are kind of cool, but owls are just lame. Except for Owli...Owloys...UGH! Whatever Twilight’s owl is called...
’’Now you're talking. But instead of just one standout, now that's too many.’’
I don’t think I like where this is going...
’’So many choices, and such riches aplenty’’
’’Not a bad problem to have, if you ask me.’’ Fluttershy shrugged. I groaned painfully while looking up at them from the ground below.
’’The bat would be awesome, but the wasp I'm digging too
Do you have something in a yellow striped bat?’’
’’No.’’
Whoosh, that really saved my ass...
’’I've got a hot pink flamingo, just dying to meet you’’
Gaaay....
’’What to do, what to do?’’ Rainbow gasped.
’’A prize! That's it! There's really just one way
To find out which animal's best
Hold a contest of speed, agility, and guts
That will put each pet to the test’’
’’Don't forget style, that should be considered’’
’’Then we'll know for sure who's best of the litter’’
Hey! I resent that statement...
’’The one who is awesome as cool’’
’’Just like me
Can't settle for less, 'cause I'm the best’’
Bloody narcissist...
’’So a contest we will see’’
’’Who's the number one, greatest, perfectest pet’’
...I don’t think ‘perfectest’ is a real word.
’’In the world for me’’
’’May the games begin’’ They sang in unison.
’’And may the best pet win!’’ Rainbow made a cocky grin, which was borderline creepy. I gulped. Well... Now I will just have to get in on this... game for me to have a single chance on becoming Rainbow’s pet.
My stomach hurts...
...Is that Derpy in the chicken coop?