“A few years without seeing your own family?"

“Rome, are you certain the kids won’t go overboard this time?"

“They’re gonna be here today!"

“Y’know, we missed you kids more’n you could know.”

“Your parents are both guys!?”

Rotten To The Core
Story by Blank Slate, Title by Krushnazag. Character Ivory Scroll owned by Pen Stroke, used with permission.

Chapter II: Q 'n' A.

Clementine's hair fell back in his face, but Applejack, Big Mac, and Rome all stared directly at Rainbow, who paled visibly. Applejack's voice dropped to a menacing tone, played up further by a snort of breath and outraged eyes.

She turned to her friends in a quiet plea for assistance, but everypony was shell-shocked by her lack of tact. Rainbow took a deep breath and looked back at Applejack, who had silently gotten a good ten feet closer and was now close enough that Rainbow could take the hat from her head. She winced, something she never believed she'd do, and pulled back slightly as Applejack leered closer.

"Applejack, leave the poor girl be." Clementine stepped beside Applejack, magically pulling her a few paces away before extending a hoof to Rainbow. "Apologies about that, Applejack's always been protective of us. Name's Clementine Orange, Clem to friends, family, and friends of family."

With Applejack safely out of range, Rainbow broke the awkward silence that had formed. She grabbed his hoof between hers, shaking it. "Er, nice to meet you, Mr. Orange, uh, Clem." She said, before dropping to a whisper barely audible to herself. "I owe you one for that." Clementine winked knowingly before hugging the next pony.

"Pinkie Pie, it's been too long! How've you been?"
"Oh, I've been great! I've been having all kinds of adventures since you guys left! I got new friends, I got knighted by the Princesses... I brought back one of the Princesses..."

Clementine raised an eyebrow before turning to Applejack. "Really? She was there with you?"
"Uh-huh, everypony here was too, 'cept for the fillies, the Mayor, and Spike there."

Spike gave a half-hearted wave, unsure of exactly how to respond. Clementine nodded in his direction and proceeded onward. Next was Fluttershy's turn for a greeting, and to the surprise of most, she met his hoof with her own in a well-spoken, mumble-free hello. Clementine continued down the line, finishing with the Mayor, who met him with a familiar secret-hoofshake. Once his half of the introductions were done, Rome began his by walking to the seat Big Mac had taken.

"Well, uh, howdy there. Ah'm guessin' from the rainbow one there that y'all were expectin' somepony a little... different?"
"Please don't take offense to it, Mr. Apple, but to be blunt, yes." Twilight took a drink of her cider before continuing. "I don't believe Applejack ever mentioned that you were, um..."
"Can't say Ah'm surprised. Y'can never tell what somepony's opinions are less y'ask 'em, an' she ain't the type to alienate her friends. So, Ah'm assumin' none of y'all really... object to us?"

Everypony at the table looked back and forth before giving a unanimous "No." Rome smiled and took half the seats on one side of the table. "Well, that's mighty nice to hear. Let's get to it on this feast, then we can get all the awkward meet 'n' greetin' done." The bench creaked under his weight but held. He beckoned for Clementine to sit beside him, but the unicorn merely pointed to his side. Rome flicked his eyes to his left, spotting a pouting Apple Bloom beside him.

"Oh my goodness me, Apple Bloom! Sorry, Ah didn't really see ya there!"
"That's 'cuz you never look down, you oaf!"

She latched onto his forehoof, making him look even larger by comparison as they hugged. Somewhere on the other side of the table, an indistinct voice cooed, "Aaawww!" Clementine also joined in, and only a muffled squeak alerted them that they were crushing her. Apologizing, he took his seat and knelt his head forward in Apple family tradition, nudging Rome in the side.

"Huh? Oh, right. Ma, would y'kindly start us off?"
"Oh, no, sonny. You go farmin' off for nearly three years, and you don't give yer mama a hug when you get back? Shame on you!" She cracked a smile as he heaved himself up and gave her a hug, which she promptly returned with a show of strength that belied her long years.

"Hello, Ma. Wha- ow!" She hugged him tighter, making the veins on his neck stand out.
"You stay there, I ain't done yet!"

The ponies at the table were treated to the sight of the enormous Rome being crushed by his own mother, and made no bones about laughing. When he finally broke free, he readjusted his hat and took his seat back, waving Applejack over. As she claimed her sliver of the bench, everypony closed their eyes in respectful silence while Granny Smith recited grace to the Princesses. With a family the size of theirs, it took some time before she was finished.

"...An' Golden Delicious, an' Braeburn, an'... an', uh...oh, you know, all the others! Let's eat!"

The position of the sun was a clear indicator that the feast had gone on far too long. All around, ponies sat clutching their distended stomachs and groaning. Only a handful of ponies had the willpower to keep eating, each a member of the Apple family. Towers of platters surrounded Rome and Big Macintosh, who seemed dead set on out-eating the other. Applejack was following a close third, with Clementine just behind. Apple Bloom and Granny Smith trailed behind, but still had more plates between them than the other ponies combined. Apple Bloom took a roasted apple, long since cooled, from a tray and prodded Scootaloo with the the spit it had roasted on.

"What's wrong with you? You hardly ate anything!"
"Oooohhhh... t-too many apples..."
"You didn't even get three plates down, you chicken!"
"Too much hurting... can't make witty joke..."

Beside her, Sweetie Belle was faring better, but not by much. She brushed the spit away from Scootaloo and moaned.

"Apple Bloom, stop that... we can't eat like your family can!"
"Well, no wonder y'all can't fly or do magic; you haven't been gettin' yer vitamins! Here, try this big ol' cake; it's got five kinds of apples, heavy buttercream icing..."

Both fillies gave a massive croaking groan and Apple Bloom giggled. Rome gave a throaty chuckle and cut himself another wedge of pie, offering the remainder around the table.With no takers, he downed the entire thing, leaving the single slice in the tray. Beside him, Clementine was levitating dish after dish around himself, taking bites whenever a plate passed by his mouth. Twilight would have remarked about the idea, but she was having too much difficulty breathing comfortably. She chided herself on eating too much, but she knew, deep in her heart, that one should never turn down free pie.

Big Macintosh and Applejack were now racing against each other, Rome having eaten several plates during a lull in Mac's consumption. The two siblings powered through a tray of tarts, eyes locked on the other as each morsel disappeared. Eventually, Granny Smith had to call a halt to the whole affair.

"Alright, everypony! This here picnic's gone on long enough! 'Sides, we're outta good plates. Rome, Clem, y'all are on clean-up duty. The rest of ya, I hardly know who you are, so go back to yer lives or whatever it is you folks do all day." She trailed off and began mumbling, sitting up with a great many joints cracking in sickening ways. Twilight gagged, but managed to retain her dignity, pulling herself up and doing the same to her friends with some very clumsy telekinesis.

"Al-alright girls, let's help as best we can so we can get to the indigestion tablets quicker." Spike and the other four Elements all took their time getting up, but eventually they rose. With the magic of three unicorns to help, the table was quickly cleared of plates, silverware, and all the rest. The few scraps of uneaten food were thrown wildly into the grass for the animals to scavenge, and the dishes were tied in the red-checked tablecloth, sent on its way to the Acres in a brief burst of Twilight's signature teleportation.

With no specific reason to linger, Mayor Mare returned to her office, bidding the others goodbye. Once she was safely out of earshot, Twilight questioned the purpose of even having her there. Applejack supplied a ready answer.

"Yeah, she was pretty much necessary to get the whole cleaning-up outta the way. Couldn'ta gotten the others in town to help without her. Why d'ya ask?"
"No real reason, just seemed kinda weird having her there. I mean, really, what did she contribute to the whole thing? Oh, Mr. Orange?"
"Just Clem, please."
"Alrighty then. Clem? I'd like to ask you a few things."
"Sure, once we get home."

Twilight's horn flickered for a second before enveloping everypony and dragon around her.

I felt it my duty to alert you that Red Rome Apple and his husband Clementine have arrived in Ponyville. As a good friend of theirs, I figured you of all ponies should know of their return, but be warned- Underneath the coat of love for all equinity, the ponies of our village do seem to shelter some closed minds. They seem more open about their love than before, and your approval ratings and general place in the hearts of your citizens may drop if these bigoted ponies learn you presided over the wedding. Just giving you a brief warning and an invite to see your old friends. Please take care, if you actually care about how the public sees you. But then, I suppose they can't really vote out reigning royalty, can they? Oh, look at that, I've gone off topic again. Best be signing this off then.

Twelve ponies and a dragon materialized into existence in the southern orchard of Sweet Apple Acres, most in some form of distress. Rainbow Dash, being the most accustomed to motion sickness, managed to keep her stability. Pinkie Pie seemed perfectly normal, but Rarity and Fluttershy were both looking quite green. Applejack and her brother were on their backs, eyes open in horror. To their left, Rome and Clem were picking themselves up from the dirt they once called home, each muttering about a warning. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were stuck in a tree, and a disgusting noise made it fairly clear that at least one of the fillies was not designed for heavy meals and teleportation so close together on her schedule. Of the entire Apple family present, only Granny Smith escaped unscathed, landing neatly in her favourite chair.

Spike, Pinkie, Dash, and Twilight went about, offering apologies and helping hooves (or claws) to any who needed them, righting farmers onto their hooves and helping pegasi keep their stomachs. When Twilight finally made it to Applejack, the orange pony's body was visibly shaking.

Twilight's cheeks reddened in embarrassment, and she set about righting Applejack until she reaccquired her land legs.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll make this up to you, it's just, I'm really eager to learn about your parents! I don't think I've ever seen a same-sex couple, let alone met one!"
"Twilight, do we know the same Bon-Bon? The same Lyra?"
"What?"
"Nevermind. Fix my Pa, and then you can play twenny questions with 'im t'yer heart's content."

Red Rome, although sturdier than most, was still disoriented from the impromptu journey. Clementine carefully steered him towards the farmhouse, enlisting the aid of Big Macintosh to actually move him. A blast of Twilight's magic summoned a rope that tied itself from the house to Rome himself, pulling him slowly towards the doorstep. Applejack nodded her thanks and went on ahead. Fluttershy and Rarity followed behind her, still making the queasy misstep. Pinkie and Rainbow hopped and flew after respectively, leaving the Crusaders stuck up a tree with Spike attempting to free them. At the top of the branch, within reaching distance of Scootaloo, Spike turned to Twilight, flicking a thumbclaw at the children. "I'm guessing you'd like me to... distract them while you guys talk about the exceedingly obvious?"

For being only slightly older than the girls themselves, he was remarkably mature when he needed to be. His time in the library had revealed certain facts of life to him, and he knew that they would surely come up in the approaching discussion. The three young fillies certainly didn't need their heads filled with what he imagined the discussion would be about, and although he would have loved to join Twilight, he didn't mind delaying his enjoyment to scrounge up extra respect from her.

"Spike, you get tomorrow off for doing this."
"Thanks. Fill me in after?"
"Of course."

She followed her friends into the farmhouse and closed the door, bolting it to prevent fillies from listening in. Watching her go, Spike reflected on what changes there would be with Rarity when she learned he took this relative bullet to save her sister some scarring mental imagery. Nil, he told himself, before returning to the task at hand. With some careful pulling, Spike managed to extricate the trio from the branches, at which point Scootaloo raised a question.

Inside the farmhouse all the mature ponies, plus Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, took seats in the Apple family's den. Granny Smith was still outside, napping, so Rome took the largest, most luxuriously soft chair for himself. A massive grandfather clock ticked away the seconds until Twilight walked in and, finding there were three ponies too many for the seating arrangements, slumped on her flank beside Pinkie Pie and Big Mac. Summoning up her courage, Applejack cleared her throat and began speaking.

"Ah'd like ta thank y'all fer being so friendly to our folks earlier. Ah realize that it might've been awkward for some of you, Rainbow, but again, thanks. Now, this here's our Pa, Red Rome Apple," He tipped the hat that never left his head. "An' as he said earlier, this is Clementine Orange, our other daddy, an' an Apple through and through." The slim unicorn gave a bashful "Hi," and nestled into his chair, allowing Applejack to continue.

"Ah expect y'all have yer questions, so go ahead an' ask. It's best, we've learned, to get these things over with, afore any kinda problems fester."

After a few glances and whispered discussion among four of the ponies, Twilight was elected to speak for the group. "Okay then, I think we should get the big one over with. You're both clearly male, so... where did you get kids?"

Rome laughed, sending Fluttershy cowering behind a table and knocking the other ponies back a bit. "Startin' with the easy ones, huh? Well, the kids ain't adopted, they all have the same mother, a fine singin' gal named Bluegrass. She's the one Mac there gets his singin' voice from."

Everypony, even Pinkie this time, turned to him. He coughed, rolling his eyes to remove attention from himself. Clementine grinned at his embarassment. "Now, none of that. C'mon, do that one bit with the guitar and that one dance you do! You know, the one with the hat!"

The mares giggled as Mac's fur turned a shade redder, and Rainbow couldn't resist giving him a playful shove. Big Mac was not impressed.

"Ah don't mean to be rude, Dad, but that ain't happenin'."
"Oh, come on, you spoilsport! No? Fine, but by the time I leave, you'll be singing like a canary. Rome, shall I take over the story now?"
"Ain't much of a story yet, but if'n ya like..."
"I would. Now, I suppose it's best to explain that of our children, only Macintosh and Apple Bloom are fully related. Rome sired them, and I did the same with Applejack. Technically, they're only half-siblings."

"So... Applejack? Apple Bloom's really your half-sister?"
"Half-sister technically, yeah, but she's closer ta me than any full-blooded sister could be. Same with Big Mac."
"Does Apple Bloom know?"

Clementine raised a hoof to interject. "No, or at least, we don't think she does. She doesn't yet know how foals are made, and she's always been in a family of two male parents. She might have some inkling that this isn't normal, but how far that goes is anypony's guess. We'll explain to her when the time comes, but until then, it's probably better to keep her in the dark. As far as she knows, Mac is her brother, which he is, and Applejack is her sister, which she sort of is."

Fluttershy put her hoof in the air, but brought it right back down. Too late. Clementine spotted her before she could hide in her bangs and gave her a look.

"Yes? You in the back there."
"Wuvbedemther..."
"Come again?"
"Wuvbedemther..."
"I'm sorry, but you'll need to speak louder, dear."
"Whatabouttheirmother!"

Fluttershy spat the question out as fast as she could, cowering behind her mane to avoid reprisals. Clementine reclined back in his chair and began recollecting.

"Ah, yes, Bluegrass. She did the entertainment at the first Apple reunion Rome took me to, just a few days after he came out to the family, in fact. Bluegrass was up on stage singing away while Rome and I went through the gauntlet of questions all the nonlocal Apples had for us. The evening went on until Blue got a slow song. All the other couples formed up, so we thought, 'buck it, let's dance.' And we did. After the show, she pulled us behind the stage, told us we were alright for being so bold. She was a big name in this part of Equestria at the time, so that came as high praise to us.

"A few years passed, and I mentioned wanting kids to Rome. After working out the, uh, the physical details, we set out advertisements asking for a mare to help a couple that couldn't conceive, which I suppose is true, in an unusual way. The first couple applicants were pegasi, and Rome really wanted our firstborn to be an earth pony like himself. The first earth pony that showed up was Bluegrass, and we almost flipped. Her career had fallen low as of then, and the extra publicity from being a mother, especially for a pair of stallions, would surely skyrocket her back up.

"So she and Rome got down to business, and the next year, we got Macintosh. After being checked out of the hospital, she gave us a card with her address, saying to telegraph in case we ever wanted another. We thought she was kidding, but Jackie and Bloom can prove she wasn't."

He cleared his throat and levitated a glass of water from the kitchen,taking sips while the girls discussed their next question. Rome volunteered to take the next one, giving Clem a chance to finish his drink.

"Alright then, Mr. Apple.-"
"Rome's fine."
"Again with the informality? Ah, skip it. Rome, how did you and Clem first figure out you were gay?"
"Uh, ta be frank, Miss..?"
"Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle."
"Right. Well, Miss Sparkle, Ah'm sure you'd be able ta keep yer head, but yer friends there, somethin' tells me that this ain't a story fer their ears, get what Ah'm sayin'?"
"No, I don't think- Oh. Oh, my...

Applejack and Big Mac covered their ears, Rainbow rolled on the floor in laughter, Rarity's pupils dilated as she leaned in ever so closer, an incredibly well-veiled smile coming to her lips, and Fluttershy, who was already considering going to her happy place, prepped her wings for a flight to the door while Pinkie just sat there, lost in her own little world. Twilight's eyes bulged as she covered her ears, dropping to the ground in air-raid fashion.

"Okay! No elaboration necessary!" She looked up, seeing the duo's eyes brimming with tears of laughter, and suddenly felt very childish. "Uh, sorry about that..."

Rome and Clem shook with laughter at the group's responses, barely able to contain their mirth as Fluttershy slowly inched to the door. Pinkie snapped from her trance inexplicably, scanning her friends for visual clues before shouting, "Hey, is the icky stuff over!? I can't hear through these corks!" When Twilight nodded, she pulled a cork from each ear and cast them away. This gave Rarity a thought.

"Mister Clementine, I've noticed you and Pinkie seem quite familiar with each other. May I ask why?"

Pinkie decided to answer this question, reaching into her mane for a pipe and a match. She struck the match and lit the pipe, which began frothing over with bubbles. Before anypony could question the match's purpose, she started her story.

"It all started twenty-odd years ago, in a Ponyville so very different from the one you know. I was just a little-bitty, teeny-tiny Twinkie-Pinkie at the time. My parents dragged me and my sisters away from the farm for a meeting of the Agricultural Board of Carrots, Oranges, Apples, and Rocks. I got separated from my family in a crowd, and began wandering and crying to myself. With all the tears in my eyes, I could hardly see, and I bumped into somepony. It was Applejack, but I didn't know that at the time.

"She was exactly the same then as she is now, minus two feet and a hat. She told me to follow her to go find her dad and brother so they could help. Big Macintosh was yammering away at the tallest unicorn I had ever seen! He was like, so tall! And then, an even bigger pony showed up! He made the first pony look like an ant! The big guy picked me up and set me on his head, asking if anypony had lost a child. I finally got back to my parents, and my dad gave the big pony a big ol' gem he found in the iron field as thanks. He turned it down, but mentioned that anytime dad needed help, to ask for the Apple family. And that's how the Apples met the Pies!"

Clementine raised an eyebrow slowly, and the remaining Apples did similar.
"Pinkie Pie, we met you less than three years ago, when you threw Apple Bloom her party for turning six...
"I know, but that story's boring, so I changed it!"
"You changed how the story went? Pinkie, the past doesn't work like that."

The pink mare just shrugged before returning to her pipe, giving the odd sophisticated puff and stealthily drawing a monocle from her storage shed of a mane. Clementine stared at her for a second, trying to fathom her train of thought. He was stalled by the next question, this one from the pegasus born without subtlety.

"So, AJ, has it ever gotten awkward, the whole two-daddies thing? "
"What kinda question is that? The only ponies in my family you haven't met in who knows how long we've known each other, an' not only do you ignore them, but that's the first thing you think to ask?"
"No, the first thing I asked was 'They're both guys?' See, this is a different question." She smiled victoriously.

"...Right. Skippin' yer turn. Anypony else got a question?" Rainbow scoffed, but held back a sharp reply. letting Twilight take another shot.

"My next question's for Clementine. In regards to your name-"
"My parents wanted a filly, and couldn't think of any coltish names." he said briskly, to the surprise of everypony present. He added, after a second, "Sorry about that. It's always been sort of an... exposed nerve for me. So many ponies think that homosexuality and misinterpretation of gender are synonomous, it gets increasingly aggravating for me."
"...Huh?" Classic Dash.
"I got called a girl a lot through school just for the name, and when I grew my mane out and started being open about who I fancied, well, it got serious." He shifted around a bit in his seat, earning a concerned pat on the head from Rome. The girls quizzed each other on whether they'd gone a bit too deep, but Clem's gaiety (Pun unintended, but a necessary evil) returned in short order.

"Sorry about that, just a bit lost in the past. One last round of questions, and then we've gotta unpack. The reunion is tomorrow, after all."
"I've got one!"
"No, Rainbow, we're skippin' you, remember?" Applejack said. The multitoned mare raised her hoof up regardless. "Relax, I'm not trying to embarass them."

With a grimace, albeit mixed with a genuine smile of intrigue, Clem pointed to her. "Yes, Miss Dash?"
"Thank y- you know my name?"
"But of course! You helped our daughter earn her cutie mark, saved Equestria three times over, saved one of the Apple family farms, and are considered an honourary Apple. She sends letters to us about all of you! We know all of you, even if we can't place a few names."
"Wow, that's actually kinda cool! Thanks, AJ. So, Clem, or Rome, or whoever: They say that liking mares or stallions, or mares and stallions is genetic, right?"
"That's the ongoing theory, yes."
"Most gay couples don't have kids for the obvious reason, but you did. Do you think it might be hereditary?"

Rome's laughter at Mac and Applejack's expressions as they realized the implications of the statement could be heard from miles away.

The owls hooed, the timberwolves snarled, and all was quiet around Sweet Apple Acres. Huddled close together (a repeated occurence, given Rome's size) in their bed, illuminated by lamplight, Clementine and Rome were having a brief chat.

"S'nice ta see the kids again. Shame about Mac, though. Poor little guy."
"He's still a giant compared to anypony but you, Rome."
"Granted, but he allus wanted to be the biggest. Still, Ma's feedin' him apples an' hard work, so there's hope yet."
"That there is. So, you ready for the big day tomorrow?"
A pause. "Eeyup. Be nice to see everypony else while we're here. ...Ya think Cornflower can handle Neighvada fer us while we're here? Ah mean, that gal's gonna have problems goin' from stalks ta trees."

A light blue filly surrounded on all sides by apple and orange trees sprung into Clementine's mind. He snickered at the thought and filed it away for later reference. "She'll be fine. The rest of the Corn family are hardly doing anything anyways, so she'll at least have help. If not, though, we're burying her under your half of the farm."
"Whoa, where did that come from?"
"Sorry, but you know I love dark humour."
"She ain't gonna get killed from one weekend of farmin' apples and oranges. Besides, yer half's closer to the Corn family lines."

Neither kept a straight face for very long. When the laughter died down there was a brief pause, broken only by the sound of a gas lamp switch being turned. The dim glow faded, leaving only darkness and a coy voice.

"So... what now?"
"Rest."
"...That's all?"
"Yup."
"You sure?"
"Yup.
"Can't think of anything else to do?"
"Nope."
"Nothing else on your mind?"
"Nope."
"Not even though we've finally gotten back to the one bed in the world we can both fit comfortably on with plenty of room for moving about? Alone in the dark in the big soft bed in the only room in the house with soundproofed walls-"
"Clem, Ah got the durn hint the first time around. Ah have one plan for this bed right now, and that is to use it to sleep."
"Bah, you're no fun."
"Ah love you too. Now go ta bed."
"If I must. Goodnight, Rome."
"G'night, shug."

One flight of stairs up, just above the ceiling of their room, which was by coincidence the one part of the the room that actually carried sound, a thoroughly terrified Big Mac lay wide-eyed in his bed, uttering thanks to Luna's moon.