As the award ceremony goes as it did in the show, your mind begins to wonder on ways to help Applejack...
The only logical solution to keep Applejack from working and asking for help, is sabotage. You have to take the wheels off of her wagons, steal and hide her baskets. And continually annoy her while she tries to work, till she either runs you off or asks for help.
There's got to be some way I can help that stubborn pony. But how....
It takes a few moments before you hear a lightbulb go off as you suddenly get an idea!
I got it! The only logical thing to do is sabotage! I'll just annoy the crap out of Applejack by taking the wheels off her wagons and hiding her baskets! She’ll get so annoyed that she'll either run me off the farm or ask her friends to help her!
You smile at your idea...till another thought occurs to you.
Wait...if I do that wouldn't that just give the girls an excuse to stone me!? They'd think I was trying to harm Applejack and not help her, and considering I can't talk...
You gulp slightly at that thought.
Okay, so sabotage is out...well sabotage with the intent of getting caught is out. I can still do it, just have to stay out of sight. Now that I have a plan A, I need a plan B. In this world I'm definitely gonna need one.
Denneylaw's Comment
Hmmm. Ya know, maybe I could help her finish. I’ll just have to do it behind her back. Maybe then she'll get done that much sooner and then get some much needed rest so she doesn't screw up helping her friends with their tasks.
Then, a revelation hits you.
But then she'll think she really did do it all by herself. Then the lesson won't be learned and she'll probably just do something like this again. AND WHO'S TO SAY IT WON'T BE WORSE NEXT TIME??!!!
You face-palm at how stupid secretly helping her out could be. If this show has taught you anything, minus the stacks of friendship lessons, it’s that not solving a problem the first time around just makes things worse later. The best examples of this to come to mind is letting Trixie and Starlight run off.
Could have avoided so many problems the first time around if you just bothered to catch them, but instead you let them get away. I wonder if I could change that without repercussions...?
As you begin to think about the consequences of solving friendship problems early, you shake your head and focus back on the Applejack problem. This tends to happen to you often, one thought process being overtaken by another.
I’ll worry about that later when I make a list of problem characters. Right now Applejack’s the problem at hand.
Kazuma Michishige's Comment
Many thoughts and strategies go through your mind as you halfway pay attention to the award ceremony where they start hyping her up. While you have made some logical decisions about what to do, a part of you feels uncertain about them. Mainly the part that remembers how that last logical decision you made ended up.
Maybe I shouldn't rely on logic for important decisions. I sure as hell don’t want any more glass in my skin, You think.
You are snapped out of your thoughts as Twilight pokes you in the leg. You look down at the unicorn to see she has a rather annoyed look on your face which causes you to chuckle.
Ah, annoyed or exasperated Twilight, always adorable and hilarious to see.
Just as you finish that thought Twilight asks you,
"The ceremony is over. What do you want to do?"
It is? You look around and see all of the ponies dispersing and wandering off, even Applejack in the distance dragging her trophy.
Wow I’ve got to quit spacing out. Turning towards the tiny librarian you realize that it is still your first day spending with her, and with Applejack having wandered off..
Now is the time to get my destiny back!
This is as good a time as any to talk about the Havoc Staff with her, and hopefully convince her to give it to you. That staff might help out with Applejack in some way after all. You whip out your trusty pad and pencil and draw an impressive picture of the Havoc Staff with a question mark next to it. Language is different, but for some reason they have near similar punctuation and symbols as English.
"Grogar's Staff?" Twilight frowns, "Princess Celestia told me you would ask about it. I honestly thought you would have demanded it as soon as you got here. I'm currently doing some tests on it." She gives you a look, "I don't plan on letting you use it anytime soon.”
Well, there goes that plan. You curse. Suddenly, an idea strikes you.
Wait a second, testing! That's the fastest way to get on Twilight's good side. Time to sacrifice my body to science! On a new piece of paper, you draw Twilight in a lab coat, and you standing next to Twilight.
Twilight blinks, "You want to do some tests with me?" She sounds rather surprised.
You barely get a nod in before she squees happily and grabs your arm with magic and drags you towards the library. I sure hope this is worth it.
MOMENTS LATER, TWILIGHTS TREEHOUSE
It was not worth it
We now find you hooked up to a bunch of high tech looking machines. Wires are all over the place, and there are at least eight different machines beeping in a rather annoying tune over and over again. While your two escorts are outside 'guarding the perimeter,' you honestly think it’s a bunch of BS and they just couldn't handle the beeping.
Some Royal Guards they are, can't even handle some beeping.
Across from you is Twilight, who is looking just adorakable with a lab coat and glasses on. She has the biggest grin you've ever seen on her face as she checks off stuff from her clipboard.
Man if this wasn't making her so happy, I soooo would have bailed by now. Probably with some excuse involving cupcakes and Pinkie. At least I’m not hooked up in the basement.
She explained to you that her lab hadn’t been set up yet, so she was just doing routine scans with what she had in the main room.
And still no sign of Spike. There’s a character I could help out with. I don’t even remember where he was in this episode.
You are taken out of your pondering as Twilight excitedly trots up to you.
"These results are just AMAZING! Not only do you appear to be a completely new species, but you have one of the most outstanding genetic makeups I've ever seen! When I tell Princess Celestia she'll blah blah science babble science babble blah blah blah."
Adorable though she may be in her current nerd state, not even you can keep up with what she's saying. And you are one of the biggest nerds out there! So instead you just drown her speech out as you look around the library. One thing in particular that catches your attention is...
Ignore purple smart for the moment while you start thanking up how your gona get fluttershy to train a beast man for you but that comes latter you need the Havoc staff first , then no one can stop Skeletor .
The Havoc Staff, up on display in the middle of the library where the horse head statue usually is. Like you it is connected by a dozen or so wires connected to slightly smaller machines.
I guess Twilight wasn't kidding when she said she was running it by some test. She should probably get that basement lab set up soon though.
As your gaze continues to linger on the staff, you mind starts to wonder to your plans of becoming the true Skeletor!
I wonder if it would be possible for Fluttershy to teach me how to control animals? Or better yet, a Diamond Dog who could command them! Then I could be one step closer from having my own Beast Man! But that comes later, first I must obtain the Havoc Staff, then no one will be able to stop the mighty Skeletor! Nyeh!!!
With your Skeletor complex induced thoughts comes rapid beeping from one of Twilights machines. This stops her in the middle of her rant as she rushes over to the machine to check it out. A few moments later you see her gasp and say,
"This is incredible! For some reason your brainwave activity has just gone off the chart! How is this possible, they were normal just a second ago!? Maybe some sort of spell or blah blah blah more science babble more science babble blah blah blah."
You ignore Twilight again as you continue to stare at the staff longingly...before you eventually sigh and think,
As for the staff, wait. Any good villain knows that patience is essential. Why kill your enemies yourself, when in fifty or so years, they can just die? (seriously, be patient. sooner or later, there will be a reason to give it back.)
As much as I want the staff now, I should probably just wait. Any good villain knows that patience is essential after all. Besides it’s not like anything is going to try and kill me directly any time soon. Just need to avoid that Ursa Minor and the Dragon when those episodes happen. As some villain probably once said, 'Why kill your enemies yourself, when in fifty or so years, they can just die?'
However before you can continue your thoughts, you suddenly hear...something.
You gain a confused look as you look around to see what's causing the noise, but to no effect. You notice that Twilight is still babbling. So you try to get her attention by waving your arms back and forth insanely. This has its attended effect as she gives you a confused look before walking over to you and asking,
"What's the matter? Why are you-mmph!"
You shush Twilight via hand to mouth as you cup your ear. Twilight gives you another confused look, before she also starts to look around as she takes her snout out of your hand.
"What's that sound? It isn't one of my machines is it?"
You shrug your shoulders since you have no clue.
It sounds like its getting...closer? In fact it sounds kinda like a jet engine cras-
*SMASH*
Something blue smashes through the library wall and crashes right into you. All the wires connected to you go flying off as you slam into the ground. You hold you head in pain as you think,
Ugh...what the hell hit m-
Your eyes widen in surprise as you see...
Oh, and every time Rainbow crashes into Skeletor, they end up kissing by accident now.
Rainbow Dash on top of you, but the worst part is....
Her lips are right on top of yours.
You and Rainbow stare at each other for a good couple of seconds in shock, before you do the most logical thing.
You push the Rainbow pony of you before spitting on the ground rapidly.
OH GOD I JUST KISSED A PONY! Oh god this is so gross! Dirt, I need dirt and water and soap and something! Evil poisonous horse spit! Gah!
Rainbow seems to be on a similar mindset as you, but unlike you she can actually vocalize her thoughts.
"SWEET CELESTIA UGH! I can't believe I just kissed the ape thing! Oh Celesita no! *spitting noises* Oh this is so not awesome!"
Your escorts bust open the door and Foxtrot yells out,
"Ms. Sparkle are you alright?! We heard...a...crash?"
The scene the two guards are welcomed to is you and Rainbow shoving as much dirt from a potted plant as possible into your mouths, while off to the side Twilight is staring at the scene in both amusement and befuddlement. The two guards look at each other before Foxtrot awkwardly says,
"Well...since nopony seems to be injured by the creature...we'll just go back to our post."
And they do just that, leaving you and Rainbow to suffer. Twilight eventually comes to her senses though.
"Uh Rainbow...did you need something? Besides a bill for the new hole in my home?"
You ignore whatever it is Rainbow replies, because you remember exactly why she’s crashing here.
Oh right, I forgot...Applejack causes more problems than just her health....ugh.
MOMENTS LATER, SWEET APPLE ARCS
Ugh...I feel like I may have stuffed too much dirt into my mouth.
You, Twilight, and your escorts are now on your way to visit Applejack to discuss the little...accident she caused with Rainbow and by extension you. Of course you being you plan on giving Applejack a piece of your mind for causing such a traumatic event on your fragile mind.
We'll see if you can keep bucking if you’re missing your precious buckets! Nyeh!
And since Rainbow Dash flew off in rage and embarrassment, You and the rest eventually find Applejack, and just like in the episode you all find her bucking a single tree...and hitting her head on a branch.
Ouch! That looked like it hurt, you wince as it strikes her. Ah well I guess karma has been served. Still gonna steal those buckets though.
Twilight signals you all to stay back as she goes to talk with Applejack. You grin at this as you see your chance to sabotage the apple bucking pony, but then your grin falters as you realize your two escorts probably wouldn't allow you to sneak away.
Unless I can get rid of these two I'll never get any work done, you sigh having not factored Foxtrot and the still nameless stallion into your plans. There has to be something I can do to avoid rancid cupcakes and adorable stampedes of doom. Unless…
Before you can continue your thought, suddenly...
Kersey475's Comment
The theme song from one of your favorite crime shows starts to play in your head.
Of course! All I need to do to avoid ruin is act like a smartass, 90's reference spewing, fake psychic and have 'visions' of the future when in reality I'm just showing how the episode will turn out! Man I impress myself sometimes with how great my ideas are! Now... Your eyes dim slightly.
If only I had a goofy but lovable side-kick who would play along with my lie to seal the deal. Oh well, let’s hope Twilight is feeling gullible today!
MEANWHILE AT SUGARCUBE CORNER
Just as Pinkie is hoofing out another order her eyes both start to twitch and her mouth curls upwards. The ponies give Pinkie a weird look, while she just gives an excited gasp as she says,
"Oh two eye twitches and a lip curl! Somepony needs me to be a goofy sidekick!"
The ponies just shrug it off as Pinkie being Pinkie before continuing on with their day.
BACK WITH YOU
Weird, feels like I set something into motion I shouldn't have. Oh well. You shiver slightly.
You see Twilight walking back over to you and the escorts with a frown.
Showtime, you smirk.
Just as Twilight reaches you, you make your eyes glaze over, and begin to move your body and arms in a possessed like manner. While the guards glare at you in suspicion, Twilight looks at you in worry.
"Skeletor are you okay? Don't tell me my test had some sort of delayed side effects?!"
You ignore Twilights concern as you begin to draw onto your pad an apple with "Zzzzz" above it and with a line through it, then an equal sign. You then start running around in a circle and fall to the ground before scratching out a picture of a cupcake with stinklines.
As your 'episode' ends you pant and wipe sweat from your brow. Twilight looks between you and the symbols with curiosity as you tap the pad urgently.
Come on Twilight, figure it out...
“He must have just had a stroke or something. You two meet us at the library,” she orders the guards.
No wait no! That’s not-
She then teleports the both of you and you find yourself back in the library.
DAMMIT TWILIGHT YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE!!!
AN HOUR LATER
So after spending another hour of Twilight making sure your blood pressure, heart rate, etc were normal, you were finally allowed to go back to the Cake's bakery so Twilight could write her findings in peace.
Stupid Smart Twilight Making Me Lose Time!
You try to get there as fast as possible, knowing that if you don’t Pinkie might suffer the same fate of the rest the town due to Applejack’s tiredness.
Your escorts are suspicious, but they don’t try to stop you. They just keep with your pace and stay stone silent as usual.
As you round the corner, you finally see the Cake's Bakery. But much to your dismay you already see a bunch of ponies snacking on the tainted muffins. Fear grips your heart as you rush into the bakery and see...
Also, ensure Pinkie Pie does not get poisoned by the baked bads. Try to get Applejack to eat them so she's too sick to work, and give one to Foxtrot because she's mean and you hate her.
Pinkie about to down two of the tainted pastries. Since you can’t yell in warning, you instead do the next best thing. You rush forth and tackle Pinkie to the ground.
NOOOOOOOO!!! PUT THAT MUFFIN DOWN!
Pinkie just giggles at your action, but you ignore it as you pick up the two terrible muffins, get off of Pinkie, and then make a bunch of motions that mean 'no, don't eat.'
Pinkie looks confused at this.
"Why don't you want me to eat them Skelly? Me and Applejack made them."
You give her a deadpanned look as you 'say,'
That's the problem, Applejack made them.
Before you can try to tell Pinkie about the bad muffins, you notice your two escorts finally entering the building. You hear a light bulb go off as you smile evilly.
Why hello two birds, let me give ya a stone!
You motion to Pinkie a 'let me show you' gesture before walking over to your two escorts and hand them the muffins. They give you a suspicious glare, but you just gesture/explain they were made by Pinkie. This causes their doubts to go away as they eat the muffins.
You walk back over to Pinkie, who still has a confused look on her face.
"I don't get it, and that's saying something."
You just make a 'eh' motion as you 'say,'
Give it a minute or two
A MINUTE OR TWO LATER
"Oh...that's what you meant."
We now find you and Pinkie in an improvised medical tent where half of the Ponyville residents are at due to the baked bads. From what you hear they all have a really bad stomach flu and won't be going anywhere till it passes. Luckily that includes your two escorts, so now you can get to Applejack and stop her before she causes a bunny stampede.
Of course before you can do any of that, you need a crowbar to get Pinkie to dislodge from your chest.
"Oh thank you thank you thank you Skelly! If you didn't stop me from eating those baked bads I would be all icky like everypony else! Wait a sec..."
Pinkie let's go of you and has a look of suspicion in her eyes.
"How could you have possibly known about those baked bads? Unless..."
Unless what? Unless I have eagle eyes or a bloodhound’s nose? What pony? What?!
"*Gasp* You must be psychic!"
Or that, that works too.
You nod your head at Pinkie's assumption, to which this only causes her to gasp again (jumping in air and all).
"Then I have to throw a 'my friend is a psychic' party! I haven't had one of those in...well never! Ooooo, this is going to be so awesome! Finally somepony who can appreciate my Pinkie Sense!"
With that the pink bundle of joy is gone in a puff of smoke, probably to invite whoever isn't sick to your party.
Well...at least I have an excuse to warn them about canon events now. There is so much I can take advantage of with this…But for now I can finally get to work on stopping Applejack.
With a two finger salute to your escorts (to which they glare at you before vomiting) you make your way towards Sweet Apple Acres unescorted, but not before making a quick stop at the Cake’s fridge.
SOMETIME LATER, SWEET APPLE ACRES
Greatness942's Comment
You finally arrive at the orchard, after having to hide from an annoyed looking Twilight heading back from the farm. You swore you heard her mention your name and those bad muffins, but you were too busy focusing on hiding to pay attention.
Anyway, you now see Applejack already working tirelessly to buck the apple trees, and thus you go over to her. When she sees you, she backs up.
"Oh no, you don't! You ain't sabotagin' mah apple trees!" she says, otherwise ignoring your presence by kicking apples down from a tree.
You make a grunting sound and think,
I wasn't going to do that, AJ, jeez...well at least not the trees. Everything else is free game. But anyway, for my next glimpse into the future, next you'll say "Confound it, what do you want, then?" Please work, I'm all healed up!
When Applejack turns back to see you, she grits her teeth hard and shouts,
"Counfound it, what do yah want, then?!"
To her bafflement, you suddenly gain a large grin and make an airy squeeing noise as you pump your arm in success.
It worked! Thank you, rest and recuperation at the Cake's Bakery! Still need to work on that Hamon and Stand thing. Hermit Purple would be nice to-
An "ahem" interrupts you, and stand up, clearing your throat. You point to a nearby apple tree and slap your leg.
Ima let you finish bucking these trees, but I need training. So lemme help, tiredness is bad.
Applejack, you’re great and all, and I’m gonna let you finish bucking these trees, But tiredness is bad and I need to bulk up! So let me take care of this.
Applejack raises a sleepy eye lid at you before chuckling.
"Oh, no, partner, ah got this. Besides, ah don't trust y'all enough to know you won't make a mess outta mah farm. And you're too scrawny."
In defiance, you huff up and kick a nearby tree.
Sunlight Yellow Overdrive!!! You yell, trying to will Hamon with your breathing. No yellow sparks show up, but surprisingly the tree starts to rattle and you look back to Applejack with a smug grin, before a single apple falls and smacks your head, stunning you and making you fall to the ground. While still conscious, you swear you see birds all around you.
Pretty birdies....why are you doing laps round my head?
Shaking your head to rid yourself of the birds, you look up to see Applejack chuckling at your misfortune.
I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but you leave me no choice AJ...
With that thought you slowly reach into your poncho and pull out…
Maybe to help apple jack you need to get her drunk or something maybe it will get her to calm down
Jaro45's Comment
A bottle of some sort of alcohol. You know its alcohol cause it’s in a brown bottle, and it was hidden behind the vegetables in the Cakes shop. The only reason it would be behind there is because the Cakes wouldn't want Pinkie getting a hold of it. That’s your thinking anyway.
God help us all if Pinkie ever gets smashed.
Applejack notices your bottle, and while you suspected a suspicious glare you instead got a happy smile.
"Well I'll be! Is that some of mah farm’s cinder? Ah' could go for a drink, got a mighty thirst from all this hard work."
You nod your head in understanding as you hand the half asleep pony the bottle of “cider”. Popping open the cap she holds it out in cheers to you.
"Yah know, you ain't so bad. Anypony willing to share a cider is fine in mah book!"
And with that she does a quick chug...
And then another...
And another...
And another....
And now the bottle is empty. You can only stare in wonder at what just happened in dread.
Oh hell...she was only supposed to take a sip to get alcohol on her breath, now I owe the Cake’s beer. I wonder if they'll take manual labor as payment?
Before you can think too much on how to pay back the Cakes, Applejack starts giggling as she starts to sway back and forth. Before you can even say anything she gives a loud hiccup and belch before face planting on the ground unconscious.
Huh...looks like her tolerance is low when she’s running on no sleep. Guess my uncanny ability to knock ponies out shines though once again.
Your original plan was going to be leading the tired Applejack into town smelling like alcohol so that when the ponies saw her ‘hammered’ they'd figure she was drinking from all the stress. From there they'd have to help no matter what so she wouldn't drink herself into oblivion.
But hey getting her drunk enough to pass out works too, less work for me. Now let’s get you into bed so I can get the girls over here to do the rest of the work.
With that thought you lift the drunk pony onto your back. You hiss slightly at this since its still sore, but you deal with it as you begin to walk towards the farm. Holding the pony with both hands while your cane rests in your arm pit. As you listen to Applejack snores you start to think,
Wow...this is actually going pretty smoothly. You'd think something would go wrong by no-
"What in Tarnation?!"
You eyes widen in surprise as you turn around to see...
Big Mac, with his broken ribs still wrapped staring you down with a shocked look. He’s nowhere near your size, coming up to your belly, by he is solidly built, and you are holding his unconscious little sister.
Should have just shut up, but no I had to enact Murphy's Law! You panic with a nervous chuckle.
WHAT DO YOU DO?