Her Royal Morning Coffee
Try Something Different Today
Caution: Dear readers, we may be pushing the boundaries of the ‘Teen’ label in this chapter. Just remember what it was like being a teenager, and you will consider this chapter to be relatively tame. However, if you are not a teenager yet, the author would like to encourage you to simply press the ‘Next’ button and go onto the next chapter, while considering the reading that you missed to be full of icky naughty bits that you are not interested in yet.
Don’t worry. That will change.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled chapter, already in progress.
The best part of waking up was not coffee. His opinion had changed this morning. Dry Roast now considered the best part of waking up to be a good evening’s sleep with a warm body curled around his back, followed by a soft hoof gently rubbing up and down his side during his ascent out of slumber. It was restful, entrancing, and erotic in a way he had never experienced before. There was no gentle persuasion in that soft touch, but more a suppressed desire much like a slumbering volcano, hungering for the sacrifice of a humble virgin lest it loose a torrent of molten magma on the unsuspecting village below.
Although Dry was no virgin, and the sacrifice most likely desired would release that volcanic power, not restrain it. Sometimes, dating a princess made it very difficult to come up with adequate analogies. Or pantries.
There was no real burning need to get out of bed this morning because the room was still dark and the embrace of both legs and wings warm. Still, his mind was awake and his body did not really want to go back to sleep either, so Dry Roast remained still for the time being and considered both the situation he was in, and the one he seemed to be entering. Not that he was having second thoughts about his relationship with Luna, by no means. There was even a solid hint of the ‘L’ word in his mind that Luna had encouraged through a detailed recounting of her previous lovers yesterday morning.
Thankfully, she had not ranked them. Also thankfully, Dry Roast felt a sort of camaraderie with the stallions and mares who had preceded him, and most likely those who she would embrace long after he had passed away into dust. It was a special sort of immortality that exceeded having a statue or a building named after him, a warm sense being remembered with affection in the centuries to come.
Wait. Bad phrasing. Let’s deal with the present and leave the future to others.
Dry Roast reached out with one hoof and touched it against the soft tickle tracing up and down his side, returning the gentle stroking while he turned in bed to meet the aggressive lips headed in his direction. They kissed, a long, slow set of motions with considerable enthusiasm involving gentle tongue play and the occasional nip, rising in passion and ebbing for necessary breathing. Her hot breath like fire across his face was a welcome part of the morning, broken only when she drew back after one particularly long and vigorous kiss to breathe a verbal response.
“I like this.”
The voice was most distinctly not Princess Luna.
Dry Roast’s eyes popped open of their own accord to take in the relative nearness of Princess Twilight’s face, and the expression of unbridled glee she wore. Dry could not deny he liked the kissing and other things going on beneath the sheets, but his brains had been scrambled by the abrupt princess substitution, and the kisses were not helping. Or they were helping, just not in the direction he anticipated.
“Actually, I wasn’t really expecting this,” he managed to say.
“Me neither,” breathed Twilight Sparkle, moving nearer and nipping at the edges of his lips while keeping him pinned down, “but speaking of expecting, as long as we’re both here and in bed, there’s something I wanted to try.”
She leaned back, which did not help Dry Roast’s confused brain because the reduction of pressure on his chest was made up by an increase of pressure somewhere else a little further down. Then Twilight Sparkle’s horn lit up and Dry closed his eyes.
He was already experiencing a great deal of the magic of an Equestrian princess, in a way that would be quite difficult to explain in mixed company. The wave of magic that swept across him was actual magic, not based in hormones and blood pressure, and left his stomach lurching in a way that made Dry very glad he had not eaten much for dinner before bed.
When he opened his eyes again, the shadowed crystal bedroom was still the way he remembered it, but Twilight had… changed. And a nervous glance underneath her where he was still pinned showed the transformation had been mutual.
“This race is called humans. They have hands, and these are fingers,” said the transformed princess, taking one of Dry Roast’s altered hooves and placing it on her bare chest. “And these are called breasts. Hold onto that and wriggle your fingers around. I don’t have quite as much tissue there as the rest of my friends on the other side of the mirror portal, but Applejack says they’re two of the best friends a girl… Ahh, like that,” she added after placing Dry Roast’s other hand on the other side. “And that’s strange. You’ve got two of them also.”
Twilight Sparkle placed her long-fingered hands on Dry’s chest and tweaked, making what seemed like lightning shoot up his chest and nearly bucking her slender form off where she was straddling him. She managed to twist her hind legs in a way to wrap them around his in a very non-pony fashion, in order to hang on while she did it again. It was weird beyond reason to see Twilight as not-Twilight, with such a flat face and… well, the rest of her body was just as strange but undeniably attractive to his own transformed body.
“Ummm… Notes,” declared Twilight. “Don’t move while I get my… Well, you can move that,” she clarified with a little wriggle of her bare rump. “I just… need to make a few… observations.”
“Miss Sparkle,” started Dry Roast when his captor grabbed a notebook and pen. “I really think…”
It was an outright lie, of course, because Dry Roast was not in any condition to think coherently, or even incoherently while trapped in this position. At least she had quit tweaking the odd protuberances on his chest, so his brain had regained a little blood flow, but she frowned at him when Dry tried to take his hands off of her chest too.
“Rub them in circles, please,” she instructed. “Rarity says a truly considerate lover allows the lady to go first.” Twilight closed her eyes and a shudder traveled through her body. “And second,” she added before bending her head to the notebook and scribbling with the pen in her teeth. She scribbled for a few minutes, which allowed Dry to collect what few thoughts he had left, before saying, “Mister Roast, or should I call you Dry since we’re… um… in bed now?”
He was not feeling very dry. In fact, he was feeling very sweaty, but ‘roasted’ seemed to match the temperature of his face and another area he was trying not to think about. To distract himself from the ongoing activity, he replied, “Just Dry. I didn’t know you could do a transformation spell like this.”
“Oh, yes,” said Twilight from around the pen without stopping writing for a moment. “I’ve turned all of my friends into Breezies, and Fluttershy into… Well, that’s not important. It’s just…. um… a matter of concen— Eeep!” She dropped the pen and closed her eyes with a moan. “Yes, right there.”
Dry was not sure where there was, but something seemed off about the whole… everything. What really jumped to the attention of his distracted mind was that Twilight had dropped the pen, but it had not landed on him. He put one hand on his own cheek before running the other hand down her side and rested it on her warm rump…
Then he pinched them both. Hard.
Waking up from a very good dream is one thing. Waking up from a very good dream to find yourself in nearly the exact same position, but different bodies, was something else. Thankfully, Twilight Sparkle was back to being an alicorn princess, although she was still twisted around him in a way that made him wonder if Princess Luna was similarly double-jointed, and for some reason, if Celestia was also.
Stop it, brain. You’ll fry us both.
They stared at each other for a few moments, which due to limitations of pony anatomy was about the only thing they could do, before a quiet giggle out in the hallway drew both of their attentions. It matched a dark shadow against Twilight Sparkle’s open bedroom door, with a flowing mane and familiar tall horn.
“Now, kiss,” whispered Luna’s voice from out in the hallway.
Dry Roast picked up a pillow in his magic and flung it at the same time Twilight Sparkle threw three of them, each of the feathered projectiles making an abrupt right-angle turn at the doorway and thwapping into the lunar target hiding there. A second barrage of pillows failed to find their marks, because there was a loud giggle and the faint popping noise of a teleport spell before impact, leaving the bedroom empty except for the two of them and a large quantity of embarrassment.
There was a sharp thud of the bedroom door closing and the deep pinkish-purple of a privacy spell that followed, surrounding the bedroom and lighting both naked ponies in the middle of Twilight Sparkle’s bed. It took Dry Roast a few minutes to come up with… to find some words that were not double-entendres, and even then he was limited to, “So?”
“That was… odd,” said Twilight Sparkle, although she did not move from her straddling position on top of him.
It was not a bad position, per se. It was also not a position he had ever considered getting into with a princess, but even though he was fairly sure Twilight would get off… that is move so he could sit up in bed, he really did not want that either. What he did want were answers. He just could not think of the questions.
“Luna must have messed with your dream… our dreams after you teleported me here again,” said Dry Roast.
“Again?” Twilight Sparkle lowered her head until she was nose to nose with Dry, as well as other things to other things. “I think I would have remembered this.”
“It was the morning I made you breakfast,” said Dry rapidly.
“I don’t remember having a dream like that before either,” said Twilight. She used her magic to pinch her foreleg, then Dry Roast’s foreleg, and looked… pleased that nothing changed in the room.
“Blame Luna. She’s probably a little upset that I fell asleep last night after she teased me into my bed.”
“You fell asleep?” Twilight had a very skeptical look at that close range. “Look, I know I’m inexperienced, but even I know that’s not what you should do when a mare entices you into her bed. Your bed. A bed.”
Dry Roast looked around the bedroom, then back at Twilight.
“You know what I mean,” grumbled Twilight, adding an adorable pout that nearly melted his heart.
“You are the one who had the dream about turning me into a human and experimenting on my bits,” countered Dry, with a little nudge to get Twilight off… that is moved to one side so he was not pinned to the bed anymore. It did not work. Well, it did work, but not in the way he was trying.
“It was supposed to be mutual experimentation, Mister Roast.” She gave a little distracting wriggle. Delightful, even. “If you hadn’t pinched me…” Twilight sat back on her haunches and tapped her forehooves together.
“I think we should be awake for that,” suggested Dry. “And comfortable enough to at least call each other by our first names.” He looked at the glowing barrier spell around the room. “Do you think Luna thinks we’re…”
Twilight Sparkle tapped her forehooves together with a raised inquisitive eyebrow. “Yes. Probably. I mean I want to, but… um…”
“You want to see if we’re compatible?”
“Oh, I’m sure we’d fit together,” said Twilight Sparkle, gathering verbal speed. “With as little as you’ve let me see, you don’t seem to be too far away from the average length and diameter—”
“Miss Sparkle,” said Dry Roast.
“—and although we’ve never…” Twilight cautiously tapped her forehooves together again. “Well, I haven’t, other than with toys before.”
“Miss Sparkle,” said Dry Roast, a little louder.
“It was just during a few late-night study sessions with my friends back when I was in school and we were in this experimentation phase,” she continued.
Dry wanted to say something, but held himself back because the one-way conversation was just getting interesting.
“And I’ve never gotten up the nerve to continue my experiments here in Ponyville, but you were here, and I was here, and I’ve got all these weird feelings…” Twilight Sparkle stopped and tapped her forehooves slowly together with a questioning look. “You know. Since you and Luna are…” She tapped her hooves together rapidly.
“No,” said Dry Roast. “Not even once. We’ve talked for hours and kissed—” Now it was Dry’s turn to speed up “—and I’m pretty sure she wants to, but she’s trying not to push me faster than I want to go and besides the time we spend out under the stars talking is a very nice time…”
He took a quick look at Twilight’s bedstand clock and relaxed just a little, even though it was not much due to his environment. There still was time, if he got out of this situation, or if he wanted to get out of this situation, get to the coffee shop, and open before Applejack showed. If nothing else, Luna could—
“She’s really going to think we’re…” Dry Roast tapped his forehooves together with a questioning look.
Twilight Sparkle nodded.
“And that’s going to make her…” Twilight looked as if she were thinking the same thing, with an expression of wide-eyed eagerness that telegraphed her anticipation to Dry perfectly.
“You want to watch, don’t you?”
“Yes!” squealed Twilight quietly with rapid tapping of her forehooves. “Just for research purposes,” she added. “Not that I could join in. Very effectively. Excepting several positions.”
Dry Roast considered his position, both physically and mentally. It was certainly tempting in both ways. That point was obvious, and a little uncomfortable with the way Twilight was putting her weight on it, keeping him pinned to the bed. He shifted positions slightly while thinking, which both helped and hindered his thinking process, but there was one thing bothering him other than a severe need to use the bathroom.
“You really don’t care about me in a romantic fashion, do you? “
The words seemed to trigger a look of stunned realization in the young alicorn princess as her mind went down one long sequence of logical chains, her wings and ears drooping a little more with every thought. It made Dry feel a little like a rotten bully on the inside despite his submissive position, and he quickly moved… well, not moved per se, because he was fairly pinned. He quickly spoke up to reassure her.
“Maybe… a date would help.”
“A date!” The depressed alicorn grabbed the idea with the enthusiasm of a frog spotting a particularly tasty fly. Before the metaphorical train could reach the station, let alone go barreling down the tracks to the washed-out bridge over the explosive factory, Dry derailed the train of thought, or at least tried to throw a switch to move it to a set of less dangerous tracks.
“A date. Not an extensive research project with tests and checklists. Lunch, maybe.”
“Lunch?” asked Twilight, shifting positions to get more comfortable, then suddenly rising up a little bit when she realized what the uncomfortable thing she was sitting on was.
“Yes,” said Dry, feeling a little frustrated and in minor pain from the weight redistribution. “It is common for a stallion to take a mare out for lunch before she drags him into bed and transforms him into a naked alien creature for the purposes of sexual experimentation.”
“Oh.” Twilight tapped her chin in thought and sat back down, cutting off Dry Roast’s attempt to wriggle free. “So, after lunch…?”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
“...and that’s where we are now,” explained Dry Roast to Luna as they cleaned up the counter in the mid-morning break. “Twilight has a lecture scheduled tomorrow in Canterlot at Celestia’s school, and of course, having a date today doesn’t leave her enough time to plan.”
“So, did you…” Luna snickered and tapped her forehooves together, something which Dry was regretting telling her about.
“Not until we know each other better,” said Dry with as much force as he could under the influence of Luna’s mischievous eyes. “She’s not the Princess of Friendship With Benefits, and don’t give me that Cat Who Ate The Canary look.”
“Mrowr,” purred Luna with a convincing hiccup at the end that left a little illusionary yellow feather floating in front of her mouth and the hint of a smile around her lips that made Dry Roast giggle despite himself.
Straightening his expression out, Dry continued, “I was going to tell you when I first got to work this morning, but you looked like you were having such a good time at my expense.”
“The competition was heating up, and I was so looking forward to comparing notes with young Twilight’s technique.” Luna giggled. “Education by osmosis. Shining Armor enjoyed the process despite his protestations, and Cadence found many aspects of her talent enhanced by my experience.” She giggled again, unable to stop for several minutes, and started up again every time she looked at Dry.
“What?” asked Dry once the giggles had died down to an occasional snort.
“Oh, nothing,” said Luna with a casual wave of one hoof. “It is just after a thousand years of separation, I know not whether Celestia has gained more knowledge than I in the matters of passion, or if perhaps the ages have dulled her senses so that it would take a similarly fiery stallion to bring that spark back to her heart and ignite the blazing inferno of her desires.”
“Hey, I don’t do blazing infernos. I just do hot coffee,” said Dry. “And once work is over today, I’m going to be shopping for groceries. Somepony ate our icebox empty at the house.”
“Oops!” Luna covered her mouth with one hoof and gave a polite burp.
“Not a problem. A gentlecolt should be willing to feed his intended romantic partner.” Dry Roast paused. “Provided you don’t eat like that all of the time, or I’ll die skinny from bankruptcy and princess snuggles.” He paused again, waiting for a reaction. “That was a joke.”
“If you are seeking to avoid a romantic entanglement with my sister, I would advise you not to raise that particular… aspect of alicorn metabolism in conversation. Celly has been rather sensitive about her rear, and the concept of burning away those excess pounds may appeal to her.”
“Burning?” asked Dry, weakly.
Luna kissed him on the cheek. “You would be as safe in her embrace as you are in mine. Unless she lost control, of course.”
“That’s… part of…” Dry clopped his forehooves together slowly.
Luna purred, “The best part.”
In a futile attempt to change the subject to something that would allow his bright blush to cool, Dry Roast fumbled with several empty containers at the coffee machine. There were only a few customers in the main room, some of which Dry suspected were lingering just to eavesdrop. Particularly Lyra, who was taking notes.
“Could you go into the storeroom and get another bottle of maple syrup, sweetie?” Dry looked up to see Luna giggling at the unexpected nickname, and she gave him a soft kiss right on the lips before striding away to the storeroom, flicking her tail and calling back over her shoulder.
“I am so looking forward to your ‘date’ with the fair Princess Sparkle. Perhaps I should set aside a few containers of chocolate syrup for afterward.”
Her giggling was audible even inside the storeroom, as well as her voice when she called out, “Catch!”
The air in front of Dry distorted and a bottle of maple syrup appeared, which he caught with his magic and began to swap the spigot on the expended bottle for the new one. The giggling from the storeroom did not cease, and Dry began to suspect that if he had gone into the storeroom for the syrup instead, Luna would have followed him, and neither of them would have been behind the counter for the noon rush.
A sticky situation, indeed.
“You know, you could have just teleported the syrup here without going back to the storeroom,” called out Dry.
Luna chortled and teleported three bottles of other syrups to him in rapid succession. “And miss waving my rear? You blush divine.”
Dry nodded while stashing the bottles below the counter. True.
“Besides,” she added with an additional giggle while emerging from the storeroom with several stacks of foam cups following her like ducklings after their mother. “It is far more difficult to pull something by teleportation from a distance.”
Dry Roast giggled a little to himself as he bumped rumps with Luna while they were restocking the foam cups, each stack sliding effortlessly into their sockets just the same as a set of facts slid into place in his mind. Without really realizing it, he said, “So, both times I wound up in Twilight’s bedroom in the morning, you put me there?”
Lyra out in the main room blurted out, “Both?” before looking down at her notes and trying to look innocuous.
Flickering dark lashes over her dangerous eyes, Luna rubbed noses with Dry and spoke in the low voice of a dangerous temptress. “The two of you just needed a little encouragement.”
“I don’t think Twilight needs encouragement,” countered Dry Roast. “Manacles, maybe.”
Luna smiled and returned to putting the cups away. “I shall loan her mine, forthwith.”
“Not on a first date,” countered Dry Roast again. “The day after tomorrow we have a date scheduled over at Gustave’s. Just lunch and talking. No getting teleported into her bed or transformed into… whatever that was. Nothing kinky. We’re just going to get something to eat and talk for a while, like we do outside every morning, so can I get you to close up the coffee shop after the noon rush is over?”
“So you can open Twilight Sparkle’s… heart?” Luna waggled one eyebrow and Dry rolled his eyes.
“If you want me to be a part of this alicorn competition you’re having, I…” Dry Roast ran out of words at that point. Flirting back with Princess Luna had gotten to be such fun that he had not really thought about what he was trying to get Princess Twilight to do. Well, what he was trying to get her to do before she did what she had wanted to do this morning. Having a single romantic engagement in college had seemed so complicated until now. Romancing two alicorns, one of whom thought of him as some sort of convenient lab rat⁽*⁾, was… Well, beyond words.
(*) An unfair comparison. Twilight would never subject one of her two laboratory rodents to a transformation spell without their signed permissions.
Luna brushed up beside him and batted her eyes so close that he could feel them on his overheated neck. “Will this ‘date’ keep you from falling asleep in my embrace again?”
Dry, feeling vaguely rebellious, retorted, “I couldn’t help it. You’re comfortable.”
Luna snorted in a way that made Dry fairly certain that she planned some sort of overwhelming divine vengeance once Twilight’s first date was over.
And he was looking forward to it.