If you give Pipsqueak a cookie, he'll wonder why that is.
"Because it's sweet and so are you. What other reason do you need?" The pretty bug lady replies.
If you tell him that he's sweet, he's going to blush and tell you to stop.
"You're spoiling the boy now, let him run, dance, and play!" The cheery old goat will laugh.
If you tell Pipsqueak to dance, he'll tell you he doesn't know how to.
"Neither does the bug-thing, but we let her do it anyway," The goat gets a hard smack for that.
If you leave Pipsqueak to himself while you two attempt to maim one another, he'll want to go outside.
If you let Pipsqueak go outside, he'll remember he still has the cookie.
"What am I gonna do with a whole cookie?" He'll ponder. This way and that, he'll turn the cookie over. It's as big as his hoof! Too much cookie for one colt.
If Pipsqueak starts questioning if he should eat a whole cookie by himself, he'll probably want to share it with someone instead.
If Pipsqueak tries to find someone to share his cookie with, he'll come across a mouse-hole.
"'Ello little critter!" He will chirp joyously into the tiny mouse house.
If Pipsqueak yells into the mouse's hole, it will come scurrying out to see what all the fuss is about.
If the mouse comes scurrying out to see what all the fuss is about, Pipsqueak will offer the mouse the cookie.
"It's too much cookie for just me!" Pipsqueak will protest, "And my parents are too busy maiming each other to split it with me!" Quite the predicament.
If Pipsqueak offers the mouse the cookie, the mouse will surely accept.
Hooray! The deed is done!
If the mouse accepts the cookie, Pipsqueak will have to split it.
"Just enough for me, and all the rest for you," Pipsqueak will bargain as he breaks the cookie in two.
If Pipsqueak splits the cookie for the mouse, he'll give the smallest piece to the mouse.
If Pipsqueak gives the mouse the cookie piece, the mouse will look sad.
"Why the sad, whiskery face?" Pipsqueak will gasp. Whatever could be wrong? Who looks sad in the face of a treat?
If Pipsqueak asks why the mouse is sad, the mouse will point to some milk.
Of course! The milk! How foolish of Pipsqueak. "How foolish of me!" Pipsqueak will cry in a foolish tone, much like a fool. If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for milk! It's so obvious.
If Pipsqueak knows his foolish mistake, he'll go and get some milk.
When Pipsqueak gets the milk, he'll have to bring it back to the mouse.
If Pipsqueak brings the milk to the mouse, he's going to notice that the cookie piece left to the mouse is gone.
"What happened to the piece I gave you?" Pipsqueak will ask the mouse, but the mouse will only shrug. What does a mouse really know after all.
If the mouse doesn't know where the cookie piece went, Pipsqueak will start to get suspicious.
If Pipsqueak starts to get suspicious, he'll notice the crumbs on the mouse's face.
"'Ey now! You ate your cookie piece already!" Pipsqueak will conclude. Why did the mouse ask for the milk then? "Why did you ask for the milk then?"
If Pipsqueak starts grilling the mouse with questions, he'll eventually get it to squeak an apology.
The mouse was so hungry, it just could not wait for Pipsqueak to bring it's milk. The scraps that fall from the table that the mouse lives under are not plentiful, and so it has gone without a meal for days.
If the mouse tells its tragic backstory, Pipsqueak will start to tear up.
How sad must this poor mouse's life be? It's truly unfair.
If Pipsqueak starts to tear up, he'll want to give the mouse the rest of his cookie.
If Pipsqueak gives the mouse the rest of his cookie, the mouse will need some milk.
"Don't you worry about a thing. I have the milk right here!" Pipsqueak will cheer as he presents the bottle of milk.
If Pipsqueak shows he has the milk, the mouse will point out he needs a glass.
Of course! What kind of animal drinks from the bottle?
If the mouse needs a glass for his milk, Pipsqueak will have to go get one.
If Pipsqueak goes and gets a glass for the milk, he'll return to find the cookie eaten and the mouse drenched in milk.
"Are you kidding me?" Pipsqueak will curse as the mouse looks at him and shrugs.
"Look, Pip, I am hungry. Can I have another cookie?" The mouse will finally ask.
If the mouse starts asking for more cookies after eating the entire shared one, Pipsqueak will have enough of this nonsense and go home.
The moral of the lesson is this--It is nice to share, and sharing is caring. But some people just take and take. So go outside and dance like the goat said at the start.
The end.
"So what do ya both think?" His innocent expression only added to the sincerity of his unassuming voice as he searched his audience for notes.
Situated all together at a lone booth tucked away in the very corner of a cafe where curious eyes could not gawk too much at the odd party, both Chrysalis and Discord exchange pensive looks. Chrysalis' muzzle curled into a scrunched up expression as if she just took in a whiff of some dated cheese while Discord chewed his lower lip. Pipsqueak on the other hand was bright-eyed, his manuscript splayed out before him on the table.
"Come on now, come on now! Don't leave me in suspense!" Pip urged.
"Sweet child..." Chrysalis started with carefully chosen words, "That was very interesting to hear, but..." The queen of Changelings trailed off.
"Buuuuut!" Discord picked up the torch left by the queen, "But-but-but! Buuuuut... There's already a book called 'If you Give a Mouse a Cookie'."
"You havin' a laugh?" Pip's ears drooped.
"No laughing on our end," Discord confirmed before taking a sharp hoof jab to his ribs from Chrysalis, "OH! I mean, we were laughing! Your story was so funny! Wasn't it?"
"Oh yes! You know the phrase 'so funny, I forgot to laugh'? That was us," Chrysalis added, "Side splitting, Pip. Really and truly."
For a moment, Pipsqueak simply looked at his manuscript while his cohorts sat opposite of him with bated breath. Finally, Pipsqueak's calm smile returned as he started to snicker.
"Win some lose some, right?" Pipsqueak gathered his papers up and tucked them into a book-bag he was keeping in a vacant seat.
Sliding off his chair, Pipsqueak walked the side of the booth to rest his head against Chrysalis side. "Thanks for listenin'," with a little step further, he did the same to Discord, "I'll call ya both if I come up with somethin' better!"
With nary a word more, Pipsqueak excused himself from the cafe and went off into the world outside. Left behind, both Discord and Chrysalis released restful sighs.
"Why couldn't he want to be something sensible like a critic or a map maker?" bemoaned the changeling queen, her face now resting squarely on the table.
"I blame you. You coddled him too much, now he wants to write children's books with broken lessons!"