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// That's how we do it in the bush! 
// Story: Not a Crazed Gunman... 
// by base4 
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When we finally arrived back in Ponyville, Twilight decided to go back to her castle to check on Spike and Starlight, while Spy and I decided to follow up on our promised peace and quiet by exploring the outskirts of town for a while. We started talking as soon as we got out of earshot of the train station.

Spy stopped walking. "Good heavens, it is quite ze hot day out," he said.

I stopped for a second to assess the accuracy of his claims. "Eh, I don't feel it."

"Hm." We started walking again. "You know, zey say zat where a person grows up for most of zeir life dictates ze temperatures zat zey are comfortable in."

I considered that for a second. "Huh," I said. "I didn't know that. So, guess I'm just used to the Austrailian heat?"

"It would seem zat way, yes." 

A few minutes later, small amounts of sweat began to visibly moisten the fabric of his balaclava. "Alright, I've have enough. I'm taking zis off."

"Wait, you're what?" I said, surprised.

"Taking off my mask." He stopped walking and took off his hat.

I looked at him curiously. "Uh... Mate, you never take off your mask."

He paused what he was doing and looked back at me. "Well, zere's a first time for everything, oui?" He proceeded to take off his mask and replace his hat. He took a second to enjoy the weak mid-to-late afternoon breeze on his face. He smirked. "Plus, I have no need for it here. What ze hell would I even be infiltrating in a place as nice as zis?"

I took a moment to look at Spy's face. I had never actually seen it before that moment. Not even the RED Spy took off his mask, and I'll be honest, I don't know if the face I saw was the one that I had expected or not.

I couldn't think of a good response. "I mean, I guess nothing."

The smirk faded into a smile as he looked ahead again. "For now... for now."





Not long after we started, we found ourselves at the edge of a strange forest. The vegetation was thick and wild, and the trees cast a dark shadow that blanketed the ground in blackness. Even at the edge, the forest was almost too dark to see into.

"Zis forest feels... unnatural. I think it's best we keep out," Spy said.

"Mate, I gotta agree with you on that one. This place gives me the bloody creeps," I responded.

He took his cigarette from his mouth. "Though, I am curious about zis place. Perhaps ze locals could tell us?"

"Naw mate, the ponies in town are probably too scared to talk to us much. Seein' me with Princess Twilight helped to quell that for a bit, but I think we should keep out of town otherwise."

So instead of going inside, or even to town, we elected to walk along the perimeter of the forest and peer inside every once in a while. The noises of the forest were loud enough to hear without even being inside, so we listened intently. After a few minutes of this, Spy spoke up.

"How much do you know about ze ponies?"

I raised an eyebrow at that. "What do ya mean?"

"I mean to ask if you know about ze more... peculiar traits zat they possess, such as Cutie Marks?"

"You mean those tattoos or whatever? I never bothered asking. Thought it was a cultural thing."

"Non. Zey are actually much more complicated zan zat."

Spy went on to explain the purpose of Cutie Marks and their meaning to the ponies. He also asked about my knowledge of the 3 races, and explained to me their innate abilities.

"So pegasi can... actually move the weather."

"Zat is correct."

"...Blimey."

Spy tapped my shoulder. I looked away from the forest and at him, but he was looking straight ahead and up. I followed his example and looked up, only to see a cloud.

I raised an eyebrow. "Uh, somethin' wrong, mate?" I looked back at him. "Cloud looks fine to me."

"Not with ze cloud! Look at zat coming down from ze far side!"

I looked up again to see some strange rainbow thing drooping off the side of the cloud, but from that angle, it was only faintly noticeable.

"Alright, I see what you mean. What the bloody hell is that?"

Suddenly, the rainbow object shifted place and was tugged back up into the cloud. Just a second later, a cyan head popped out from atop the cloud and peered down at us. It looked confused.

"Oh, it's just a pony."

Spy looked over at me. "So zey can walk on ze clouds as well as manipulate zem?" He looked back up, putting a hand to his chin. "How curious."

I looked at Spy again. "Mate, how do you think they'd manipulate the weather if they couldn't stand on the bloody clouds?" I asked him.

"Alright, I suppose you have me zere."

I chuckled at that.

Looking back up to the cloud, the pony now seemed even more confused, and not just that, but suspicious. She stood up and bounded off of the cloud, taking flight. Lowering her altitude, she hovered just above us.

"What are you two supposed to be?" she asked.

What a warm welcome.

Spy cleared his throat and stepped forward. "We are humans. My friend and I do not come from zis world of yours, we were transported here by a magical anomaly." He smiled. "If you want to know more, go ask your friend, Twilight Sparkle."

She stared blankly for a second. "How do you know that Twilight and I are friends?" she asked accusingly.

Deciding that a direct route would be best suited for the situation, I spoke before Spy had the chance. "Mate, Twilight's givin' me a place to stay right now. I think I'd know who she's friends with."

She squinted her eyes, seemingly examining us, before stopping suddenly. "You know what, yeah, I'll just ask Twilight."

She darted away at astounding speed, leaving a rainbow trail behind her. We both looked back and saw how quickly she was making progress towards the castle in the distance. Our eyes widened at the sight, and Spy's jaw dropped.

"Good lord!" Spy exclaimed.

There was a long pause before I said anything. When I finally spoke up, I only had one word.

"Woah."

Spy attempted to regain his composure. "We should... keep moving, oui?"

I fumbled a bit on my words. "Uh... Y-yeah, yeah, let's keep going."

We walked in silence for a minute or so.

"...How fast do you think she was going?" I asked.

"Hmm..." He put a hand to his chin. "At least 2,000 HU/s."

"Yeah, that sounds about right."





We kept walking along the perimeter of the forest as Spy told me about what happened back in the real world after he was captured.

"...and I was about to get away, too, when ze Soldier rocket jumps around ze corner and smashes into me, pinning me to ze ground. And just after he does zat..."

I listened to his story while looking forward. As we turned a corner, a trail came into view.

"There's a trail up ahead."

"...so ze other Spy-" He stopped himself. "Wait, you said there's what?"

"A trail heading into the forest. Just up ahead."

He scanned the surrounding area until he noticed an area where the vegetation became much less thick. He quickened his pace, and I followed suit. We reached the path, and gazing down it, we could see that it was clearly frequented. Vegetation was more sparse on the trail and a few hoofprints were visible in the dirt.

"You certainly saw zis trail quickly from so far away."

"You should know I have an eye for this stuff."

"And I assume zis is why you are a Sniper?"

"All in the job description."

Suddenly, we both seized up as hoofsteps became audible from somewhere nearby. We turned around, scanning the area, and finding nothing, turned back to the forest. Further down the path, something was starting to become visible...

"Oh. It's just a pony again."

A yellow pony with pink hair came out of the forest with a satchel on either side of her, containing what looked to be various flowers and herbs.

I squinted my eyes to get a better look at the approaching figure. Her cutie mark was of 3 butterflies arranged in a triangle, and she seemed to be oblivious to our existence. She was humming a tune with her eyes closed, head bobbing slightly to either side. We waited for a few seconds, staring at her. Suddenly, she took in a relaxed breath and opened her eyes.

"Eep!" She immediately recoiled in fear and jumped into a nearby bush. Spy and I traded glances for a moment before our eyes settled back on the pony in the nearby shrubbery.

"Uh, you alright there?" I asked.

Silence permeated the trail as the seconds passed by. A noise interrupted that silence as the bush began to rustle. Slowly but surely, her head rose above the leaves. She gazed at us with curiosity. "Oh, I'm sorry..." She flew out of the bush and back onto the dusty path. Slowly, she approached and examined us. "I've just never seen anything like you before..."

We let her take a look at us from all sides. She circled around us, intrigued by our forms. We kept our eyes on her constantly, swiveling our heads around to meet her gaze.

Finally, I decided to speak up.

"You're... Fluttershy, yeah?" I asked.

She looked up from examining my legs. "Um, yes, how did you know?" she asked, staring.

I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly, something slammed into the ground beside us, scaring the living hell out of me. Spy and I jumped back as it hit, a cloud of dust rising in its wake to reveal...

"They heard it from Twilight."

A rainbow-maned pegasus.

We quickly tried to recompose ourselves. "Christ, don't do zat!" Spy scolded.

She looked at Fluttershy, who had been shaken quite vigorously by the event. In a moment, sympathy, and perhaps a bit of shame, flashed on her face.

She looked back to Spy. "S-sorry. I got a little carried away."

"It is...fine." He paused, visibly annoyed at the entire ordeal. "...just, do not do zat again."

"Yeah, sure." She perked up a little.

For a good few seconds, everybody just stared at one another, and the uncomfortable mess of unblinking gazes took hold of us all.

Rainbow broke the silence. "Right..." She looked around awkwardly. "Just... gimme a minute to catch Flutters up."

We kindly obliged, stepping back from the trail.

Still a little shaken from the preceding events, we both wore blank stares as we gazed directly into the forest.

"Remind me never to anger her."

"Consider yourself reminded, mate."





A few silent minutes passed by before anything interesting happened. There was a thumping, somewhat rhythmic in nature, coming from the trail. As the noise grew louder, I moved to get a better look down the trail. Spy had noticed this, and I motioned for him to listen closely. The thumping grew louder, and it was apparent that something was coming our way. We watched in anticipation.

A voice boomed from the darkness. "Little Fluttershy, I bring flower from Zecora!"

Spy, who was in the middle of lighting a cigarette, froze in place. Fear overwhelmed his face as a hulking man came out of the forest with a smile on his face.

Inevitably, the two men traded glances. Heavy dropped the flower in his hand.

Ah, piss...