Borrowed Time

by Gambit Prawn


Chapter 25

Wednesday was completely mundane—and that terrified me. I hadn’t even spent a week as a filly, and already I was settling into complacency. I felt the urge to shake things up, to jolt myself to the impactful realization that this situation was not normal. I had to constantly remind myself that this world had already turned me into a young unicorn girl and that it wasn’t done yet. While Celestia constantly praised my ability to adapt, I worried that if I was too pliable adapting to this new status quo, I would end up presiding over Cookie Court in a few short months. And I might even be okay with it!

To Stardust’s dismay, Annuity had a fairly quiet day of bullying. However, it was not for lack of trying. Pink Diamond was given the lead singing role during music class, and she just killed it. Annuity’s posse did try to sabotage the performance with non-sequitur lines and bizarre choreography, yet Diamond obliviously rolled with the punches and improvised brilliantly to keep the song thematically consistent. Eventually Annuity gave up out of sheer respect. After ending on an impressive high note, Diamond earned a round of applause from the class. Even Fizzle struggled to critique anything in the performance. The way Diamond had incorporated Annuity’s dialogue made it seem like the song was always supposed to be about how everypony has weaknesses.

The second reading of the play was incredibly tedious. Admittedly, we didn’t stop for so many questions this time around, but I could tell that ponies with minor parts, such as Pink Diamond, were quickly growing bored. For me, it still felt weird being the center of attention.

We also opened up a Prench unit in our cultural studies class. Although Prance was one of the oldest pony civilizations, it turned out that there were still strong regional identities, though not to the same extent as in Españeigh. To this point, it was only within the last century that the Prench language fully penetrated some of the more rural areas. This part was of interest to me because I came from a world where any cultural kinks had been ironed out. Family naming traditions were about the only artifacts of Earth’s diversity we had left.

What stuck out in a bad way was the Prench custom of fillies greeting others with a kiss; colts greeting other colts would just shake hooves. Most of the class giggled at this, but I didn’t find the double-standard reassuring at all. Even if it wasn’t an Equestrian custom, it served as another reminder that becoming female meant countless new rules and customs would be imposed on me.

Star Chart eventually gave up on dissuading me from perseverating on this line of thinking and suggested I take a walk in one of the gardens. When this too failed to help me, I returned to my room and bulldozed through all my homework for the next week. It helped that next Tuesday was yet another holiday: Career Day. I was about to go to bed and write off the day as a waste when I heard a knock on the door. At this point, I had started to figure out something of a pattern: Celestia would knock firmly three times, Flower Power would tap out a little tune, while Star Chart would knock twice with a long pause in between.

This time it came as two quick knocks. Slightly curious, I pushed the door open with my muzzle to behold a rather feminine-looking unicorn stallion. His hooves were shined, his turquoise mane was in a short ponytail, and he had a thin peach-colored coat.

“Hello. You must be River Glade,” he said serenely. “A pleasure to meet you. My name is Teaching Moment. I’m a Ph.D. student in Applied Magic at Canterlot University. I’ll be your instructor for the next couple of weeks.”

“Instructor? In what—oh right...” Somehow magic lessons had completely fallen off my radar. “I thought we were going to do this in Princess Twilight’s lab because she has that jammer thingy.”

He shook his head and took out what appeared to be an oversized snow-globe from his saddlebags. “Since nothing went wrong during your first session with the princess, a portable magic jammer should suffice.”

His horn glowed and I felt a familiar static sensation as the translucent globe began to fog up.

“I’m going to try something unconventional with you. You are a rare case—a unicorn who has suppressed her magic for decades. It may take a while for you to start to break down walls and get a feel for it, so I’m going to keep the jammer on a low setting while you practice. You will feel some resistance, but it will help your development. It’s like how hoofball players train with weighted horseshoes to build muscle.”

“I don’t understand why you’re complicating it,” I said. “I mean, why not just teach me like normal?”

The stallion smiled. “That why I’m here, actually. I specialize in magical development of colts and fillies. In a way, learning magic is like acquiring natural language. There’s certainly an advantage to learning when you are younger since a developing brain has greater potential for neuroplasticity and will thereby develop thaumic-gated synapses at a much greater rate.”

“So I’m already at a disadvantage?” I asked, sifting through the jargon.

He moved closer and launched into lecture mode. “Not quite. While it is true that younger foals learn more quickly, I believe that older foals—and even adults—can benefit by learning smarter. After all, you have a more developed brain. Why not use it?”

“I suppose,” I acquiesced. After all, the last thing I wanted to do was debate a pony in what was likely his cutie mark area of expertise.

“Before we start, I need you to sign this,” he sheepishly intoned, thrusting a quill and a packet of papers toward me.

“And I’m agreeing to what exactly?” I asked, highly suspicious.

His ears drooped. “You technically don’t have to, but I would really appreciate it if you would. It’s basically asking your consent for me to take notes to use in my thesis. Your data will remain anonymous and it will help further science.”

“I thought you were overqualified to be my tutor...” I mused.

His eyes were pleading. I wanted to say no.

“I’ll teach you no matter what, but Professor Withers really seemed interested in looking over my data for a secret research project of hers.”

I almost laughed. Invoking that nosy professor hardly made his offer more appealing. But I nearly facehooved when the obvious hit me: I was the secret research project! If there was the off-chance that this could help me…

“Fine,” I muttered, signing at the bottom of the last page.

I was then hit with a boring questionnaire. Considering I had been a unicorn for what could only be a few months, I definitely questioned the worth of describing a non-existent magical history to him. Still, I didn’t know if this stallion was in the loop about me, so I held my tongue.

After twenty minutes of this, Teaching Moment cleared his throat. “Last question: have you ever experienced an abnormal, non-transient magical event, or anything you can’t explain?”

Would turning into a baby princess count?

“What kind of question is that?” I asked, impatient.

“Well, there are a couple of reasons for asking, actually. First, if you spontaneously access specialized magic you may have a natural affinity of some sort. For instance, Princess Twilight Sparkle accidentally turned her parents into potted plants during a magical surge.”

At least they got better…

He rubbed his chin with a forehoof. “She’s probably not the best example because she’s in a class of her own. After studying her for a year myself, I could only conclude that her affinity was for everything.  Not a very satisfying summation from an academic perspective, but I digress. I suppose a better example would be Subject L: a filly that would spontaneously swap the cutie marks of the ponies around her. Now, cutie mark magic is in its infancy. We have spells that can emulate the effects of the cutie pox for instance, but otherwise her affinity is an arcane one. No pun intended.” He laughed at his own lame joke. “While I never did get the chance to study her in person, I suppose she must be a grown mare by now. Anyhow, that’s the first reason. The second is even rarer if you can believe it. In short, mutations can sometimes lead to the manifestation of hybridized magic. The most recent discovery in this respect was about twenty years ago. A young mare was discovered whose earth magic was closer to a treant’s than to a pony’s.

I stifled a yawn. “Well that’s more than I wanted to know.”

Teaching laughed self-consciously. “That’s a self-confessed character flaw in us academic types I’m afraid—ask us about our research and you’ll never hear the end of it. At any rate, the question’s becoming standard and we only ask it on the off-chance you might self-disclose. It’s hardly perfect, but you can’t tell us anything if we don’t ask. Unfortunately, both the former and latter case range from readily apparent to profoundly subtle. Sometimes detecting them at all is a miracle in itself.”

Little did I know, the most interesting phase of the lesson had passed. For the remainder of the hour he had me pulse my magic on and off and on and off. I felt used, like a toy flashlight.

After an eternity of this, he clapped his hooves together and said, “Moving on, I’d like you to try and levitate this sensor ball. It will record any external magical impulses and monitor your progress.”

I shot him a weird look. “You were just like my teacher for a second there.”

He rubbed the back of his neck with a hoof. “It’s a habit I’m trying to break. A mare I dated for a while did it all the time, and I guess I picked it up. Hang on, I don’t suppose your teacher is Fizzle Spark?”

“Sure enough…” I groaned.

He peered into my eyes, apparently reading my mind and smiled. “I can see you judging me. After seeing her teach, I assure you: she’s a completely different mare outside the classroom.”

For some reason, I found it hard to picture Fizzle outside the classroom. Still, this was in line with what I’d seen of ponies so far. After all, Star was effective despite having her soft pony side. This was not something I wanted for myself, however. I have strived to be the same stoic on the inside as I projected outward. I’d certainly fallen out of practice here in magical pony land, so I resolved to try harder. This lack of stoicism was sorely missed, as I quickly grew flustered trying to will the stupid ball into motion.


The next morning, Coffee Swirl intercepted me just before I left for school with Diamond and our escort. Naturally, it concerned Squirt’s surprise cuteceaera, but what shocked me was the timing.

“Really? Tomorrow!?” I asked in disbelief.

“Is that a problem?” Coffee asked, bashful.

“Well, I have nothing planned for then, but you’re really telling me at the last minute, hoping I won’t have anything?”

Coffee and Star exchanged a look as understanding dawned on the pair.

“It’s a Canterlot thing,” Coffee began. “There’s a premium on being flexible for one’s friends. It gives you a chance to show a pony how much they mean to you.”

I looked to Star for confirmation.

“What she said about flexibility is true, River, but it’s also important to remember that ponies in Canterlot are busy. Once a party planner finds a date she thinks works for almost everypony, she’ll run around trying to confirm it.”

Coffee smiled. “It’s like a logistics problem. You tackle the ponies that have the most challenging schedules first, and then you slot in the easier ponies who have… more free time.”

“Why not just announce a date well beforehand so everypony can plan to come?” I asked, pointing out the obvious.

Coffee looked stumped for a moment, but then her chipper smile returned. “Where’s the fun in that?”

I shook my head before halting. “Wait a minute… you didn’t ask me about my schedule at all. That means I’m one of the ‘easy ones!?’”

Star grinned in guilt.

“Are you trying to say I have no life!?”

Coffee took a moment to consider how to say it nicely before making a weak attempt. “Well, you and Squirt are alike in that you both—I mean you’re both sort of… introverted...”

“Nevermind,” I said abruptly. After all, I could hardly be mad at them for pointing out the reserved nature of my lifestyle in Equestria.

“Did someone say party?” A miniature pink pony asked, springing onto the scene.

“Nope, no parties here.” Star lied flatly, surprising me.

“Really?” Diamond asked in a drawn out manner, eyeing us suspiciously.

The three of us locked eyes before awkwardly nodding in sync.

“Okay then!” she said cheerfully, completely oblivious as she bounded away.

I looked to Star. Once the crystal filly was out of sight I voiced a point of curiosity: “I get the white lie so she doesn’t spoil the surprise, but I thought you ponies were all about honesty.”

Star shrugged. “I see keeping a secret as prioritizing loyalty. There’s various schools of thought on this sort of thing, but it depends on your perspective and what you value more.”

I wasn’t sure if I was inclined to praise the pragmatism of their philosophy, or to be turned off by the flexibility of their ethics.

“Sorry again for the short notice, River,” Coffee added. “Anyway, you can head straight to our house after school. One of us will keep Squirt busy while the other gets the party ready.” She smiled. “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” With that, the pony trotted off.

I watched her leave, and for a moment it occurred to me that I had no idea what she did during the day. Star had a pretty clear role in protecting me, but other than their training regime, I knew nothing of what the rest of the guards did all day. Did they just stand around and guard things? Surround the princess and look imposing? I thought about asking Star, but I couldn’t think of a way to not sound childish.

On the way to school, Trusty mentioned his marefriend in the Crystal Empire, and Pink Diamond never let the topic go. She peppered him with question after question about her and their relationship. Thrilled to find someone who would listen to his doting, Trusty gladly answered even the more intrusive questions. I almost had to interject, but a wing-slap to the cheek courtesy of Star compelled Trusty to doctor me out of his story at the last second.

When Pink Diamond’s giggle fit over his awkward confession of love ended she said, “It’s so romantic—being brought together with love magic.”

“I can certainly recommend it,” the stallion chuckled.

Pink Diamond’s tail started wagging. “I didn’t know somepony else could use love magic! It’s amazing that a filly that young could! How old was she? Did she have a cutie mark? Can you introduce me to her? I want to meet my special somepony too!”

Star stroked her with a wing. “I think you’re a little young to think about such drastic measures. They’re really only for the hopeless cases.”

“Yeah,” Trusty agreed with a smile. A long moment passed. “Hey…”

The pink pony went silent for a moment before immediately blurting out what she was thinking: “Did Princess Cadance make her her student? Oooh! Maybe she can ascend like Princess Twilight did and we can have two princesses of love!”

I froze in place and cringed at the thought. It took me most of the remainder of the journey to recover. But just as I was about to recover from the unpleasantness, I was overcome by a second, far more potent wind of disgust.

Could… could I have an affinity? Am I a love prodigy!?”


Needless to say, I spent the next several hours contemplating the horrors of my least palatable destiny yet. I paid little attention as Fizzle drilled us on exponents and reviewed some of the vocabulary from the Xelning book. It took me until recess to recover, when I forced myself to participate in gauntlet tag. This time, Annuity rigged it against her own team for reasons apparent to almost everypony.

“You really dropped the ball there at the end,” Annuity chided. “Were you even trying? You have to want it, Diamond. You know, I’m not sure I can be friends with somepony that doesn’t try.”

“But… I did my… best,” Diamond said despondently in between her panting.

“That’s nice. But in this world it’s results that matter.”

Although a truism, the remark was still barbed.

I tried to continue listening in, but Stardust’s complaining drowned out their conversation. “Somehow beating her like this is more irritating than losing to her cheating! I mean it’s so obvious. Why can’t Pink Diamond see it?”

I considered harping on the point about how ponies in general missed the obvious, but such a comment would be out of place coming from a pony. Besides, she could still prove herself to be an exception.

“I understand your frustration,” Style conceded. “However, all we can do at the moment is keep trying to recruit.”

Stardust looked down as her gait slowed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Still, I can’t believe Pestle said no to us! What’s up with that?”

Style stretched out before stepping inside. “Well, it makes sense—what she said about it being between her and Annuity.”

“Pssh. I don’t buy that, do you? It’s not like Annuity hesitates to gang up on ponies.”

“I don’t know. With Pestle, Annuity seems to fly solo.” Style smiled at the griffin holding the door for them. “Thank you, Beakington.”

“Thank you!” Stardust parroted.

I stopped abruptly, took a step back and stared. Locking eyes with him, I waited for him to confirm all my suspicions by leaning forward into a slight bow and gesturing me in. After a tense couple of seconds, I quickly trotted in. I was pretty sure his display of chivalry would be different had he still thought me a colt—or different in spirit at least. Hopping up to my desk, I tried to let it slide.

“Okay, Everypony!” Fizzle said with extra pep. “Today we’re going to discuss some more cultural differences between life in Canterlot and Maris. One of the more subtle points to keep in mind is the Common system of measurement. Unlike Equestria, Prance never switched over to metric!” She paused as if waiting for the impact of her words to sink in.  “It’s been an endless source of confusion to travelers and has led to difficulties in standardization for the purposes of trade. You may not think you need to know it, but if you ever want to do business with Prance, knowing Common will give you a leg-up. Now, your heads might start spinning if I dive straight into talking about troughs, bushels, horseshoes and miniovens, so I’ll start with the familiar. Perhaps the single biggest difference may be that the Common system still uses unicorn years with their twelve traditional months.”

“But wouldn’t that mean that the Prench don’t have as many birthdays?” Little Pinion asked.

Fizzle grinned. “Yes that’s right.”

“What!?” Zap exclaimed. “That’s a rip! Why would anypony adopt a system that means missing out on birthday parties?”

“As you’ll find out as we continue our studies, the Prench are by no means party-deprived.”

From what I could see, at least Zap and Diamond were unconvinced.

“Besides, the Prench tend to get bigger birthday parties with more presents.”

A collective wave of understanding washed over the class as the last piece fell into place, with many voicing their relief.

“Like Pinion said, unicorn years means that when Prench ponies give their age you have to stop and think for a moment. For instance, if a mare says she has a two-year-old foal, you might imagine a baby colt or filly. However, using unicorn years, you should expect their foal to be walking, talking and preparing to go to preschool.”

The class nodded along.

“Does everypony know their age in unicorn years?”

Murmured affirmations came from all directions. Annuity and Pestle both wore expressions that said this was baby stuff.

Pink Diamond meekly cleared her throat. “Umm… I actually don’t know. We… don’t use unicorn years in the Crystal Empire…” Her ears drooped and she looked down as a few ponies met her with judgmental eyes.

“That’s perfectly okay!” Fizzle asserted. “Unicorn years might be more familiar to Canterlot ponies due to their history of use here, but some areas of Equestria never made use of them at all. We’ll be getting into this later in history class, but the standardization of earth pony years was actually one of the strangest things to come out of Discord’s tenure as ruler of Equestria. As you all should know, earth pony years originally measured time relative to the crop cycle. Discord apparently liked the inconsistency of earth pony years created so he imposed them on the unicorn and pegasus ponies as well. For example, one year might be shorter than the year before if harvest season came early. Likewise, if there was a long winter, you could potentially have a year last a few extra months. But it turned out that everypony using the same calendar was a big step forward. Shortly after his defeat, the three tribes agreed to standardize earth pony years to their fixed length of two-hundred days which we use today. Of course, this was a fluke, and other reforms, such as those to our mathematics are... less well-regarded…”

It turned out all of this was actually a segue into a mathematics lesson. We learned how to convert measurements from metric to Common and vice-versa, using earth pony years and unicorn years as our main example. There were grumblings about it being busy work, but Fizzle assured us that it would be essential for work in applied magics and sciences. It wasn’t anything I had done before, but once I picked up the pattern, it was relatively straightforward. To make sure everypony was following along we each gave our ages in both systems.

“I’m forty-nine,” Annuity said. “That means I’m almost twenty in unicorn years.”

“Very good,” Fizzle said.

“Iron Jill is twenty-five!” The minotaur girl said. “That means Iron Jill is ten in Prance!”

“Ten? Really?” Stardust blurted out.

Similar murmurs came from all around me.

“Isn’t she too young to be in the same class as us?” Annuity asked.

“Good question!” Fizzle interjected, ignoring Annuity’s sour tone. “Minotaurs grow up faster than ponies, so in a way, Iron Jill is actually the same age as most of you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Daybreak complained, so Fizzle had to spend a few minutes trying to communicate the concept of relative development.

Gradually we went around the room. Squirt’s forty-two translated to seventeen unicorn years, Stardust’s thirty-nine was about sixteen and a half, and Beakington’s forty-eight made him about nineteen in common. It turned out that griffins aged at about the same rate as ponies.

Finally, it came to me. Despite having had all that time to come up with a convincing guess, I still had to stall for time as I rechecked my logic. Star had said I appeared to be in my forties when I first started attending school. However, I was gradually de-aging, and I was clearly one of the shortest ponies in class. Eventually I decided to go with a round number.

“I’m thirty,” I finally said. “That makes me twelve in unicorn years.”

There was some voicing of surprise, albeit not as much as with Jill.

“Did he always look so young?”

“I thought he was at least forty when transferred in…”

“Looking at him again, I might even think he was younger than that!”

Thankfully, I wasn’t the youngest pony in the class. Clever Theorem held that distinction by virtue of transferring schools because of academic excellence, and she did me a favor by removing me from scrutiny.

We then delved into more complicated conversions. Thankfully, we stuck to fractions, avoiding the headache of pony decimals. After what seemed like an eternity of number-crunching, Fizzle finally signaled us to wrap up so we could go over the worksheet. Surprisingly, nobody gave a wrong answer. Fizzle was ecstatic but she was somewhat at a loss because we had finished so early.

“So can we leave early?” Squirt asked, harboring zero hope.

“No, Squirt. I’ll think of something,” Fizzle said, impatiently.

“Don’t strain yourself on my account,” Squirt snarked.

The teacher sunk into thought momentarily, but just as quickly she perked up and clapped her hooves together. “Since you all did so great today, I think I’ll hand out your summer catalogs now!”

The class cheered. I looked from side-to-side and came to the conclusion that the sentiment was near unanimous. She even had Squirt’s full attention. I took a second look at Pink Diamond, hoping she was just as confused as I was, but no such luck. It was starting to get on my nerves being out of the loop all the time. But then again, when the alternative was probably suffering a six-hour Twilight lecture on all things pony, ignorance was relatively inviting.

Fizzle dropped a thick magazine on my desk as she slithered in between the seats. It featured a generic photograph of various foals smiling outside a log cabin. It was unhelpfully titled Activity Catalog.

Flipping through it, what stood out were the color-coded sections, which were further divided into subunits consisting of a picture and a written description. At the end were various forms in triplicate meant to be pulled out.

When she was finished distributing, Fizzle returned to the front of the room and whistled to get everyone’s attention. “Now, I know you’re all eager to check out all of the activities, but first I have a couple of announcements to make. Most notably, our school, along with Canterlot Second, has been assigned to a location near Ponyville!” Fizzle threw her hooves excitedly and a few ponies cheered. “At the latest, try to get your forms in by the middle of next month. You can find them in the back of this booklet. I won’t give you a hard deadline yet, but do try to get them in as soon as you can. I know picking activities can take time, but keep in mind that the experts predict camp may come early this go-around.”

Annuity was impatiently scanning the back of the booklet. “Yeah, yeah. Where’s the form to opt-out?”

“I was just getting to that,” Fizzle said in a sing-song voice.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Oh, good it’s optional. I was sure this was going to be some silly pony obligation that I would hate.

“If you wish to be transferred into a different group, you’ll need your guardian to sign the request form and list at least three alternatives by their group numbers. If you’re requesting a transfer, I suggest you get in the request form as quickly as possible. As I’m sure you all know, some of the more popular camps fill up fast. The organizers try to give everypony their first choice, but that’s not always possible.”

“Yeah, yeah, this isn’t our first rodeo,” Zap said with a hungry look in her eye.

“Oh, all right,” Fizzle relented. “I’ll just tell you what you’re all waiting to hear: our group number is A37. Now I’ll write it on the board for those of you who—”

A hurricane of pages turning drowned out all other noise. In front of me, Zap’s wings were buzzing and she was flipping through the booklet at warp speed. Somehow, she pinpointed what she was looking for and did a happy backflip.

“They’re offering stunt flying!? YES!”

To my side, Squirt was scanning his booklet more deliberately. “Kayaking—no. Core endurance training—pass. Soccer—that’s a joke. Hiking—too outdoorsy. Flag hoofball—seriously, are the green activities grouped together by virtue of being things Squirt would hate? Junior Royal Guards minicamp—ugh. Is there anything in here that doesn’t involve so much work?  Why’d they have to go and take out chess?”

“Because certain ponies were flocking to the chess club to avoid having to exercise,” Fizzle explained, clearly enjoying Squirt’s dilemma. “Besides chess isn’t really a sport, so it makes more sense in the blue section anyway.”

“Aww man! A37 doesn’t have blacksmithing,” Mortar Strike complained.

“Basic embroidery, flower arrangement, feng shui… I could teach half of these arts classes. What a joke,” Bubble Bauble said for everyone to hear.

Hesitant, I opened the first page of my catalog to learn that the four major color groups required at least one activity, and two extras could be chosen from any category. Nodding, I closed it shut again, hoping that I may still be exempted.

“What are you going to pick, River?” Beakington asked.

“Oh, uhh.... I don’t know if—”

“If you will be able to choose? Me neither! I don’t quite get the point of this ‘mandatory not-quite-summer-yet summer camp,’ but I’m quite looking forward to it!”

“Uhh… yeah, me too… Wait, did you say mandatory?”

The bell chose that moment to chime in.

“Let me know what you pick, River!”

“Yeah, sure…” I muttered, attempting to slam my already closed book shut. I definitely was going to have a word with Celestia about this. Brainstorming ways to weasel my way out of pony summer camp, my attention wandered and I bumped into Iron Jill. I felt a brief wave of deja vu.

“Sorry,” I said reflexively, brushing past her.

“Wait! Iron Jill has something she needs to tell you.”

I turned to her. “Yes?”

“Did you receive Iron Jill’s invitation.”

“Oh that…” Drat, I had forgotten.

“You don’t need to come,” Jill said bluntly.

This took me aback.

“You sure?” I asked, hardly believing my good fortune.

“Yeah, it’s something Iron Jill’s mom set up. She thinks Iron Jill has friends, so she invites ponies from my class to sleepover. Nopony ever comes, but she won’t give up!”

“Oh…” I felt a pang of sympathy

“Don’t worry I’m used to it,” Jill said, subtle hints of disappointment lining her features as she turned away. “Don’t worry about it."

I stood there dumbstruck, trying to wrestle down my guilt. Failing at this, I let out a sigh.

“Ponyfeathers, now I have to go…”


I left school brimming with self-righteous determination. Unfortunately, waiting all day for my meeting with the princess took the edge off, and I found it hard to summon anger and indignity when Celestia’s kind eyes met mine.

“There’s my favorite ‘friendship student!’” Celestia said, hopping off the bed to greet me. As her powerful presence registered, I was rendered momentarily speechless as a slight sensation of calm and comfort creeped in on the periphery of my emotions.

“Alice, is everything all right?” she asked, picking up on this.

“N—no—I mean yes. It’s just kind of hard to get used to seeing you only sporadically. But really, I’m fine.”

Celestia cocked her head and took a few steps towards me, easily closing the distance between us. Celestia stared deeply into my eyes and I was overcome with befuddlement.

“Hmm.” She stepped back. “My mistake. It must be a trick of the light. So, I hear you had your first magic lesson with your new teacher. How did that go?”

“Fine I guess,”  I said disinterestedly. “The most interesting thing to come out of it was that he dated my teacher at one point.”

“Oh my, small world isn’t it?” She grinned. “Still, I didn’t think you’d be one to be interested in gossip.”

I smirked. “I’m not. It was just that boring.”

“Oh… Please give it time. They will be invaluable skills.”

I shook my head. “I have no intention of quitting.”

“Thank you,” Celestia said, stroking me once with her wing. “I’m not saying all unicorns have to love magic, but I do believe everypony can find something special that speaks to them. Besides, most unicorns are specialists rather than generalists. Spells related to your cutie mark—whatever it may be—will come more naturally to you.”

I visualized a heart stamped onto my butt and swallowed hard. After a brief moment of deliberation, I decided to keep this worry to myself. Part of me knew that I would fail to be liberated from mandatory summer camp; I didn’t want to compound that disappointment by learning definitively that my special talent was playing Cupid.

“All I did was answer a questionnaire and try to make a ball float. Not that interesting. Also, the stallion was kind of weird.”

“I wish I could relate,” Celestia said warmly, choosing to ignore the last part of my statement. “Then again, I never had to unlearn the emitting method. My sister had a really hard time, though. You might want to ask her for insight.”

“I’ll consider it. Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

“Oh?”

I stood up to my full height in a vain attempt to look imposing. “It’s this mandatory summer camp thing. What is it and why wasn’t I told about it?”

Celestia was caught off guard, but she quickly recovered and took on a supplicatory expression. “You mean your teacher already gave you the catalogs?”

I nodded.

Celestia tapped her hooves in rhythm, which somehow helped ponies count in their heads. “I’ll be… it’s that time already, is it? It wasn’t my intent to keep you in the dark, but your school must have been one of the first to hand out the catalogs.” She paused to think. “I could tell give the simple answer, or I could give you the truth, which is even more basic in a way.”

“Why’s it even a debate?” I asked.

“Well, I know you’re not a foal, but it still feels unnatural to explain these matters to one who looks so young…”

I just stared at her, incredulous.

“I’ll start with the surface explanation, then. You see, every couple of years we gather all the foals in Equestria to attend a recreational summer camp. It’s an opportunity to mix up the monotony of the school year by giving ponies the opportunity to explore new interests in a different environment. The most curious aspect of this process is that nopony knows when the camp will be. All we know is that it usually occurs between Spring and Summer.”

I balked at this. “Surely it can’t be a secret to even you. Besides, what’s the point of keeping something like that under wraps? It sounds impractical, not to mention an organizational nightmare.”

Celestia chuckled. “Alice, you have no idea.”

I resisted questioning this on its surface and instead took a few steps back. “I heard from Star and Coffee that ponies like arranging things at the last minute. Don’t tell me that’s why you do it this way?”

The princess smiled. “What we tell the foals is the surprise makes the occasion even more special.”

“What you tell them?” I echoed.

She nodded. “I assume what this comes down to is that you don’t want to go to camp with the other foals?”

“You’ve got it,”  I said, rubbing my hooves together, ready to negotiate. “And I in turn assume that this is where you tell me I have to go.”

“Not necessarily,” Celestia said mischievously. “It would be difficult, albeit possible, to arrange for you to stay in Canterlot. However, I am under the impression that you’d rather go to camp...”

I grinned defiantly. “You think so?”

Celestia looked away and blushed ever so slightly before taking a breath to regain her composure. “You see, Alice, the real reason we send the foals to a mandatory summer camp is—well...”

This ought to be good, I thought as the pony giantess began to tiphoof towards me. Stretching her muzzle out towards my ear, she leaned in to whisper.

In that moment I learned things no foal my age should ever have to comprehend.

Blushing redder than my filly mane, I turned my head and started to retreat towards the door. “Wow… I mean I know there are cultural differences, but I was not expecting that. I mean, just—it’s so out-of-character for you ponies!

“Oh, and what makes you say that?” Celestia asked, clearly appreciating the humor of the situation.

“I mean, I guess it’s not surprising—you’d obviously have to at some point, but… you’re normally just so… wholesome.”

As if momentarily possessed by a malicious force, Celestia connected the dots for me and pointed out what I had already started to intuitively fear: “Before you judge us, you should probably know that alicorn princesses are no exception.”

Despite my exceptional mental fortitude, I could practically feel the savage blow reverberate through my psyche. For the first time in my life, I was genuinely grateful to be a foal. I tried to slip out of the room without a word, but Celestia was having too much fun with me.

“So I take it you’re up for summer camp now?”

I nodded meekly.

“Great! Bring me your form when you have your activities picked out and I will be happy to sign it.”

I glared at her before retreating with my tail firmly between my legs.