“I've Never Been Called Attractive Before.”
Days passed by slowly from inside my hospital room. I'd wake up to the nagging beats that let me know my heart was still pumping, eat, and do what was left instructed on the table next to me—so no real difference from living with Twilight (kidding, just kidding). And of course, to suffer through the endless stream of ponies that my nurses were proud to call my visitors.
The usual suspects were there, six mares often filling the space around my bed. Each of them had their own different opinions and reactions to my sudden change and growth. Twilight was often busy studying my charts and pondering the mystery that was me—which I'll delve into later—while Dash spoke of how cool it was how much a dragon could bleed. I guess she was the one that cleaned up my mess back at home.
Applejack was quick to send a hoof flying across the back of her head. She told me that to survive such a transformation requires lots of resilience, and that I should be proud of myself. Of course, Rarity was quick to smolder the bandages around my faces with faux kisses as she told me how much of a brave Spike-Wikey I was, though I'll admit, I didn't feel any affection in return.
I don't think anyone found it surprising that Pinkie wanted to throw a party upon my release, or that Fluttershy was too busy adjusting my bandages to my liking and assuring that I had taken all of my medication for the day. I felt more like one of her injured pets, and the fact that we were of different species didn't alleviate that thought.
Back then, and still, even now, it was weird to have the girls surrounding me. That they were only in this room because they wanted to see me, that everything they had to talk about was about me, how their eyes would glance to me, and how I was now the center of their group rather than it being the usual other way around.
There would have been a time I would have killed to have risen to the same level of the girls, instead of just being the tag-along, annoying little brother. But too much had happened since I went under; I was no longer the same drake that fell asleep when I woke up. The slew of visitors, compiled mostly by those who knew the girls and the minority that cared enough to visit me were quick to point this fact out as well.
I could hear their surprise after they placed their gifts on the table of quickly building presents. They would wheel around, look at my larger form, and gasp at how much I had grown. That even with the bandages gone, I had lost so much of my baby fat, and grew what looks like to the same height of a pony—maybe even taller.
I'd always tried to thank them for their words, as I did my best to assume that they were just, in-fact, compliments, only to hear them gasp again. I swear it was the mares that would gasp the most at how much my voice had changed—how much deeper it had gotten since before, how my weak slurs added a little darkness to the tone.
I had absolutely no clue what they were talking about. I had been too weak to notice that my voice had changed really, and apparently, Twilight wanted to conceal my changes and slowly reveal them as to avoid overriding my mind. When word broke that I knew, Dash was quick to tell me how cool it sounded—a high compliment from her, I suppose, and Rarity saying how careful I should be with it with a wink.
Had these changes been revealed to the Spike before me, I think he would have had a heart attack. I, however, felt nothing upon such a great revelations being made to me. And that fact served, in the end, to make me feel something, guilt. It felt as though I was becoming the drake that I always wanted to become, that life was finally going to progress forward from here, yet I didn't feel any excitement or anything of the kind.
In fact, I just felt like I was getting ponies hopes up. It seems like ponies were finally taking notice of me like how I always wanted, placing expectations on this drake that I was looking like I was going to become, though this only served to frighten me.
Because I had woken up to forget who I was. At the present moment, I was but a mere vessel of potential, but I had no clue who I really was or will be, and I felt like I was lying to these ponies. There was nothing I could do about it, of course, and part of my writing this is to figure out my feelings.
But now that I think about it, some other pony already helped me do so. I failed to mention that there was a face more frequent than the most, at my side far longer than the girls stood around my bed, and would talk to me instead of stating how different I seemed. That pony, of course, was Scootaloo. She would swing by almost every day after school, talking about pointless things that I still enjoyed nonetheless, and I would help her with her math homework until the sun began to dip.
One particular day, however, we did something more than just math.
At two o'clock every day for the past two weeks, there would come a knock at my door, and the sight of a blurry, orange face behind the pane of glass. It no longer stung my throat to speak as I told her to enter, and a few moments later, the teenage-mare was dropping her bag to the floor and hopping up on the chair next to my bed.
“So how's it going today, buddy?” She grinned at my appearance as her body slid fully into her seat, blowing air from her lips upward to move the purple strand of mane that had been hovering over her right eye. “Any update on when the docs can rip those bandages off? Or if we're allowed to steal a sneak peek at the wings you're packing on your back?”
I chuckled as a smile split apart my lips. “Nothing like that will be happening for quite some time.”
She lost her grin immediately.
“...buuut my joints don't ache as much!”
“Heeey! Way to go buddy, progress!” She couldn't help but to strike a hoof upward into the air, her pose captured by the weak rays of light descending from bulb above us. I couldn't help but chuckle at her confidence she held and the energy she radiated—it reminded me of another pegasus I knew. After a moment, she fell back into her seat with an exhale. “That means less work for us as well.”
Despite my voice growing deeper, I could still how weak my next word sounded. “Huh?”
“We were worried that you were going to grow, like, another foot and a half! Do you know how much work it would be to lift you into a bigger bed?” Her head tilted into thought. “We'd have to be super careful 'cause Twilight referred to you like glass at one point, so we couldn't just like flop you from one bed to the other—could you imagine all that work?”
A comment like that should have irritated me, but for whatever reason, I only found a light stream of chuckles slipping past my lips. “Heh, I guess sprouting wings also means putting on a few more pounds.” A thought struck me, one that I had been pondering for the past week. “Hey, Scootaloo? Is it okay if I, y'know, ask you a question?”
She looked at me confusingly for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. She then bent to lean off the side of her chair to dig through the contents of her backpack. “Sure. What's on your mind, Jack?”
“When it comes to helping me out, you said we.” I couldn't help but look away as my throat began to choke on itself. I was glad for one to have bandages concealing the features of my face. “That just made me curious as to why you're, y'know, helping me out and all that other jazz. Don't you have, like, better things to do and stuff?”
I may have had a deeper voice, but that never seemed to stop me from sounding like a complete idiot. A giggled sounded out from across me as the shifting inside her bag ceased.
“You make it sound like visiting you is a bore.”
“Isn't it?”
Her head popped out of the bag, mane swaying in tandem with the jerky movement as her eyes blinked twice. “I guess? I don't mind it though.”
“And why is that?”
Scootaloo turned back towards me, grinning her signature grin as she tossed the papers she had been holding in her hooves upon the table hovering over my bed. The booklet landed with a flop; its familiar cover was causing me to roll my eyes playfully.
“I gotta get this crud done anyways, here or at home.” I heard the chair she sat on scrape against the ground, the metal bars of both my bed and the chair clinking as they came together. “If I get it done here, that means I get a crazy awesome tutor, and keeps you from going into the deep end of boredom. Totally a win-win if you ask me.”
I couldn't help but agree as I rose a claw to open the booklet. I saw my arm enter my vision, the bandages the completely concealed my invalid scale stealing a hard exhale from my chest. I began to stare, the back of my claw begging to shake from being held on its own, as I exerted myself to turn my palm towards my eye.
Even that was concealed from me. I began to stare into the overly white bandages, almost begging to pant from the exertion of keeping the hand alleviate as I simply could not look away. My eyes began to drift over the course of my body, all of it wrapped tightly underneath layer of bandages meant to keep me stable, yet I knew nothing of that which was hidden beneath them.
Even though that was the rest of me. Of what I had become, grown into, changed into. All seemingly hidden from my eyes by a layer of whiteness, confusing not only to myself, but a great mystery upon those that gazed upon me. It didn't help that I bled into a new growth by some mysterious means, and how I wasn't entirely comfortable awakening to a hospital room.
I felt so different from before I had passed out, and it didn't help that I had no clue what I looked like now—like I had left my previous identity behind only to have my new one obscured from me. Just who was this Spike I had become?
“Uh, Spike?” came the concerned voice next to me, but I wasn't so easily drawn away from my palm. “You doin' alright over there?”
I gave a breath before quickly flipping the booklet open to whatever page she was currently on. “Yeah. Just, got lost in thought I guess.”
I could feel her gaze upon me, making my body going stiff as she spoke. “Oh yeah? What you got on your mind that's making you have a staring contest with your claw?”
Her tone was joking, but when I glanced at her face, I could see her concern. Scootaloo had already been there for me more than anyone else—which was weird since we weren't exactly close before I passed out—so I didn't want to creep her out with my edgy thoughts. “Well, uh, it's about you again,”
Her orange ears perked as a knowing smiled graced her lips. “Oh? You got another question, Jack?”
“Actually, I do.” I tried to shift in my bed, only groan. “Before I woke up, I had this bizarre dream—one that I'm not quite sure actually happened. But, as I was waking up from this strange dream, the first thing I heard was this beautiful humming, and then my eye opened to you sitting across from me.”
“Ohhhhh, that.” Scootaloo slumped to one side of the chair, her mane once again getting in the way of her eye. “When word first broke that you had a bit of a bloodbath, Twilight went around asking for ponies to stay with you as you slept. I guess they were worried you would wake up after what had happened and have a panic attack 'cause no one was there to explain what had happened.”
“I guess the girls had too much going on to keep a constant watch on me.”
“Something like that,” she said. “Anyway, they enlisted the CMC and some of the ponies at my school to sit by your side, so I'm not the only one 'ya still gotta thank. It just so happened I was the one to be humming and flicking through a magazine when you first woke up—my heart is still beating from the shock!”
I began to chuckle. “Sorry.”
She dismissed the apology with a wave of a hoof. “Don't be. I usually get in trouble when I hum in class—you're the first that's actually told me to keep going.”
We shared a laugh.
“I guess you're helping around the hospital counts for extracurricular activity then?”
Scootaloo's face froze in the middle of her expression to the extent that I was worried I had offended her, but just as quickly as it came, it disappeared. “Pfft, no. I barely go to school as it is, so there's no way I'd be begging to get some more it of.” She began to grin. “I'd rather spend my time outdoors training like Dash used to when she was younger.”
Okay, so maybe Scootaloo hadn't stepped out of Dash's shadow just yet. “I don't get it then. I'm awake now, the nurses are taking care of me, so there's really no need for you to pop in every day anymore. Why not spend that time outside training?”
She was quick to flick her hoof on my forehead. “Duh, who else is going to keep you from going bonkers? I told the other girls not to sweat coming here afterward as I really didn't mind keeping an eye on you after the fact...and besides.”
I felt her hoof envelope my claw, causing my heart to beat at twice the speed as she slowly raised it to the desk. For a moment, I looked at her with wide eyes, until I saw that her other hoof was holding up her math booklet. “It's not like I'm not profiting from these visits, I may have missed a lot of school, but with your tutoring, I'll be at the top of the class!”
I felt my claw fall limply back to the bed. I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm, before we both got to work.
That's how the majority of our days would go by. I wouldn't say that Scootaloo and I weren't friends before my growth, but we certainly weren't calling upon one-another to go hang out. If we saw each other, we would have a quick chat, or do some things if we were part of a group at the time—but never had we been what one would consider friends.
To be honest, I hadn't even realized she wasn't a filly anymore until after I had woken up. I knew that the girls were growing up and how I felt left behind, but I was never aware the extent that they had grown. Especially now, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them already had colt-friends in school.
Still, for whatever reason, Scootaloo would be at my side even when she was supposed to be at school. I guess the mystery I had become was more than enough to keep her interested in me, and I would be lying if I said I didn't like the playful conversations we had. My feelings on my lost identity were still present, same with the fact that I didn't really consider Scootaloo a friend just yet.
I guess you could say we truly became friends late one day.
“Hold up Spike, I think I got this one.” Scootaloo sat hunched over the desk hovering over my bed; tongue stuck out in concentration as her eyes were narrowed. I watched with mild amusement as she went through the equation, smiling when she arrived at the correct answer. “Bo-yeah! That's another one I got in the can by myself.”
“Indeed you did,” I said, turning the booklet towards me with ease I as my eyes scanned through her problems. “I know you'll probably never admit it, but if you were actually to go to school and pay attention, you could have quite the books smarts on top of the street smarts.”
“Pfft.” Scootaloo fell back in her chair after the long hunch of work. “Books are boring except for Daring Do.”
I rolled my eyes—I wondered where she got her love for adventure from.
“Besides, you never went to school, and yet you already know these booklets like the back of your hoof! Er, claw!”
“That's because I've already done these books when I was home schooled,” I retorted, turning the booklet back to her once upon making sure everything was correct. “You may think having to take time out of your day to go to school is tough, but trying living around Twilight—she's like a twenty-four seven school that never shuts up.”
Scootaloo giggled as she took the booklet from the desk and placed it inside her bag. I expected her to get up afterward, but she kept sitting in her seat afterward. “Okay, so maybe I don't have it as bad as you do in that aspect. But you got to admit that being crazy smart like Twilight must have its perks.”
“Implying that I'm anything close to being as intelligent as Twilight.”
“Well, I mean, Twilight's in a league of her own when it comes to books and stuff,” the golden rays of sunlight filtering through the window bathed her body in a serene orange glow, her purple eyes glittering ever so slightly, “but surely that kind of smarts has rubbed off on you some way, right? I mean, you're able to maintain a conversation with Twilight no matter how deeply she goes into a subject, or at least, that's what I sometimes overhear when I'm the library taking out books.”
I felt something sting my eyes as I did my best to smile. “I've always been able to infer a lot about any broad subject, but when it comes down to understanding, nonetheless applying, then Twilight's got me beat in that area.” I took a breath. “I guess that's the key element that makes Twilight better than me.”
Scootaloo leaned forward. “What is that makes you think that Twilight's better than you?”
“The fact that Twilight Sparkle is smart, probably even a genius,” I said as I stared into her eyes, a bitter-sweet smile stretching my lips. “And me? I'm just a dragon who's clever, always the lesser doing my best to serve my better, and hurting the ponies around me whenever I just want something more.”
I quickly realized my bombard of pent-up feelings, quickly looking away with a hidden blush. “Whoa, that didn't come out right at all!” I gave a forced chuckle. “The docs must have me on some strong stuff if I'm saying wacky stuff like that, am I right?”
My head swayed back towards her, finding her not having moved from her seat as a confused expression had graced her face. Then, it transitioned into concern. She gulped before speaking. “Is that...is that how you feel, Spike?”
I opened my mouth to speak. To go further down the trail of lies to get her off my case, to not make her worry any more than what my sudden growth had inflicted. I knew these feelings to be true, but I also knew they were intensified by my situation—there was no need to involve anyone else if they were to fall from their apex the day I would be discharged.
And yet, I said, “Yeah.”
Scootaloo's mouth was agape for a few moments, the last rays of sunlight begin to recede from the glass. The light to my room was left off, so the corner in which my bed was in began to darken, almost leaving me in shadows as the mare had the last of the light upon her. I didn't mind so much—it amplified her presence.
Scootaloo gave a light chuckle, flashing me a quick smile, before turning her head to the window. “I thought I was the only one.”
“The only one? What...what do you mean by that?”
The smile persisted on her lips as her eyes set on the descending sun. Her face was bathed in a warm, orange glow. “I thought I was the only pony that felt like I was living in another’s shadow. I guess I'm glad I'm not alone in that regard, I suppose.”
I stared at her blankly.
“You have Twilight that you compare yourself to,” she said as the glow upon her dimmed, “and I have Rainbow Dash.”
I continued to stare blankly, but this time around, I understood. I kept my silence out of choice.
“I'm guessing you already know that I respect Rainbow Dash a huge bunch?”
I chuckled. “I don't think anybody starts a fan-club for someone they dislike.”
We both shared a laugh.
“Rainbow Dash must have many fan clubs then, cuz' I don't think there are many ponies that dislike her,” she said as she purposefully kept her gaze away from me. “Regardless of what any-pony says about her, there's no denying her achievements. She was consistently the best in her class despite not being the brightest upstairs, had the confidence to ward of bullies from her friend, performed a sonic rainboom at the youngest age possible! She's currently one of the best flyers who's enlisting to become a wonderbolt, the embodiment of loyalty which has warded off evil itself by using harmony, and have you seen how cool her mane is!”
It was weird to see Scootaloo like this, but I wasn't complaining. She had continued to go off on the numerous achievements that Dash had made in her career, ever so slightly putting herself down in the process, and I couldn't help but see myself in her place for but a moment. Just like her, I thought I was the only one living in another's shadow, only she had the courage to admit her fears...and bring us a little closer together.
“She's such an inspiration,” Scootaloo began to finish, “and I know I'm not the only one trying to be like her. But that's a day that will never come, for either of us.”
My eyes drifted over to the window just in time to see the sun dip behind the monotonous horizon, the last rays of vanishing from sight. In a flash, the lights to the room were gone, as we were both left in darkness, I would have been afraid to be in a place like this again, but I knew that another soul like my own sat only a few feet away—waiting like me for the lights to return.
Then, I heard a light stream of chuckles. “I mean just look at me.”
I really wished I could have, but both of our bodies were obscured by the dark. The only thing that exists were our voices, like we were two spirits just floating.
“Dash was able to perform a sonic-rainboom when she was just a filly. Meanwhile, I'm just getting the hang of my wings as I enter adolescence.” She gave a sigh, and I wasn't quite sure why, but I imagined her looking down at herself. “I draw so much motivation from trying to be like her. Whenever I don't feel like training, I think of all the storms she pushed through; whenever I think about calling it a quits, I think of the attitude she's always held.”
She released a long exhale. “She just so awesome, no! She stands on-top of awesomeness itself, and I wish I could stand exactly where she is. But I'm just Scootaloo, the filly that was more like a chicken—just a cheap cut out of the real deal.”
I remember the Spike before me having the same thoughts. Of placing the girls, imbued with greatness and with personalities that were attractive to almost all, high above himself. Of marveling at the steps that rose the girls to the greatness in which they now stood, and ruminating on how much of a stark contrast was there between us. I was but a fat, baby dragon who wasn't funny and complained a lot. The tag-along little brother.
I'd always conclude how useless I was and just live with it—just like how Scootaloo had done so now. But there was no way I was going to let her come to that same conclusion as well. I may not have known who this new Spike is, what it was that I was supposed to become, and even if doing what I had done would be nothing but a lie to that future dragon—I was not going to let Scootaloo fall into the same trap.
“Maybe I should just give up trying to be exactly like Rainbow Dash.”
“I think so too.”
I could tell by the sway of her mane that she turned to look towards me. I couldn't see whatever expression she was wearing through the darkness, but I knew it must have been somewhere along the lines of confusion or irritation. Still, I continued. “I think it's great that you selected a role model, someone that gives you motivation as to the way you want to live your life. But I think trying to be exactly like that role model is killing what sense of self you have left.”
“Wha...what do you mean by that!?”
“We've already heard the story of Rainbow Dash countless time, and, heck, most of those times are from her lips,” I said, my throat straining on the words, yet I pushed them out all the same. “But we have yet to experience the story of Scootaloo, of the chicken who performed radical tricks on a scooter, and grew into a pegasus worthy of the glance. Dash's mane may be a rainbow, but everyone's got something that makes their unique—it's a matter of preference than what is actually better, and quite frankly, I like the wild style that your's is growing out to be.”
I didn't hear a response nor a reaction, yet I kept pushing forward with my point.
“The world wants to know your story, Scootaloo, and they would like it to be your story. Not a carbon copy of a mare that you should become, but the mare that you already are—the one that strives to become more of herself every day.” I took a breath as my fingers clutched at the sheets to my bed. “If your story were exactly like Rainbow's, then there would be no surprises, nothing that makes it uniquely its own—don't become a story that anyone could get anywhere.”
Finally, I drew a few panting breaths, chilling my burning lungs. “I know this armchair philosophy isn't going to soothe you in the way that you need, but if it helps you in any way, I understand exactly how you feel.”
Again, there was silence, but I knew that she was still listening. I don't know why, but I've never been so sure about anything else in all of my life.
“I've been in the shadows of others since the day I learned to walk, maybe even before then,” I said. “I was raised by a Princess, given to a genius, then entrusted to record the greatness that is the Elements of Harmony. My greatest achievement in life is dropping a crystal heart and falling from a tower, and whenever I tried wanting something more than what I was, I soon found my entire body bathed in my own blood.”
My eyes stung as a tear dripped from my eye.
“Do you know how messed up all that is? How indulging in pleasure made me into a beast that hurt those closest to me, that I should keep quiet in the shadow of my betters, and any improvement that I want for myself is only met by pain? I may not have a chance to rise out of that shadow, but I see so much potential in who you are, Scootaloo, and I think you should start relying more on yourself than that image of Rainbow that you have.”
Silence. But even in the shadows, I knew she was there.
“I don't even know who I am anymore, ever since I had that strange dream I told you about,” I said as I face forward, not chancing her seeing me even in the blackness. “In the dream, I was saying goodbye to myself as a baby dragon. Like I was leaving behind who I once was, and when I woke up, I had a deeper voice and a bigger body, and ponies were treating me with interest and care.”
I sighed. “If I were to have such attention before my growth, I think I would've been glad, but ponies have this different idea about me now. I feel like I'm lying to them by being this interesting because I have no clue who I am—like I'm an empty soul that awakened in some new vessel. I've lost my identity, and to make matters worse, I have no clue what I even look like, and that really scares me.”
I wasn't even sure she had gotten off her chair. I didn't hear her walk across the floor. But I felt the mattress shift as the weight of her hooves were upon it, and a moment later, I felt them go over my shoulders and as she pulled her body against mine. The orange mare was shivering, not from the coldness, but from the fears and stress we both shared.
I raised my claws tentatively, then, I wrapped them around her back, and pulled her closer against me. I wish I could have felt her fur as we became one at that moment, but the bandages that hid everything from me got in the way once more. But I was glad. Glad that another soul like my own existed, and sought the same comfort that I did as well.
The hug continued for a few moments, until the buzzing of a bulb filled the room, and then, there was light. The room came alive with a dim glow, just enough to bathe the room in its light. The first thing I saw was her face smiling down at my bandaged one, head tilted slightly and nose slightly sniffling.
“Thank...thank you, Spike. That's exactly what I needed to hear,' she said as she pulled back a hoof to wipe underneath her eyes. “Heh. If you knew this type of stuff, then why would you still keep comparing yourself to others?”
“I told you,” I said with a smile. “Twilight's the smart one that's able to understand and apply—I'm just clever. Or, at least, the Spike that I am now is clever.”
We shared a light laugh. During so, her face lit up and her ears perked. “Say, the doc said you have a few days until your bandages come off, right?”
“'Bout so. Then I can finally give this identity crap a rest.”
“I don't think the docs would be the wiser if we were to steal a quick peek.” Before I could even hope to stop her, her hooves raised from my back and began unrolling my bandages with precision and ease. As the wraps lost their tightness, I knew that there was no point in stopping her. But my fears came alive at that moment. I was worried how ugly the sudden growth had me—did I hit my head when I fell over, did anything grow out of proportion?
Finally, the wraps became too loose and fell from my face to my neck. Scootaloo reeled back immediately, face changing drastically, as her wings popped open as if on command. She began to slide further back, and that made me all the more worried.
“Oh crud!' I said, lifting my claws to shield my face from her gaze. “How bad is it? Do I have an ugly scar, an ugly face? Tell me, what's wrong?”
She only began to shake her head.
“How bad is it Scootaloo!?”
She still shook her head as her wings began to twitch.
“Do I need to wear bandages for the rest of my life to hide my ugliness?
She shook her head.
“Then what's the problem, Scootaloo!?”
Finally, she gulped, then spoke. “I don't quite know how to put this, Spike.”
“Just tell me how bad is it!”
“It's not bad!”
“Then what is it!?”
“You kinda got...well...uh..”
I narrowed my eyes at her, for some reason causing a blush to her cheeks.
“...hot.”
I blinked as her wings got higher by the second.
“What?”
The room was bathed in silence for the rest of the night.
“C'mon, Spike!” Dash cheered from across the sterile hall, an orange mare by her side, as they both struck opposing hooves upward in cheer. Part of me had smiled at how one was starting to express herself a little differently than the other, but the better part of me was straining to take my next step. “You were able to walk just fine with that big belly hangin' in front of you. With that slender body, this should be a cinch!”
I groaned. I took my next step, only for it to falter, as my body swayed right into the overly white walls. The girls made a start to come towards me, but I stopped them with a raised claw and had the other clutching the wall. I struggled to take my next step, more so with the next, but I was moving forward nonetheless.
That was, until I caught the group of nurses and patient huddle together in the corner of my eye. I could feel all their gazes upon me, whispering things to one another that caused them all to collectively giggle, each one of them focused on a part of me. I clenched my eyes, clearing them from my mind, and took another step forward.
Hearing a whistle made my eyes snap open. I looked left, finding the source to be a mare standing at the doorway across from me, giving me a delicate wave of the hoof and fluttering her eyes. I did my best to offer her some sort of smile, one that no doubt made me look moronic, but she blew me a kiss all the same.
I sighed and looked away, only to see a reflection of myself in the mirror hanging on the wall. The dragon that looked back at me had only four spines lining his head like a sharp mohawk, the face before slightly sharper than the baby one before it, though its snout carried some of its qualities to convey that childish look still.
It was Twilight's, as well as mine, that I was supposed to hit puberty at a younger age, but my total restraint on my greed may have regressed my ability to grow. For whatever reason, when I finally did hit that trigger for my spurt, it was like I was sling-shot into puberty as it had gone overdrive in the first few weeks to catch up.
I say all that, because I had grown facial scales during my slumber, and that absolutely terrified me. Countless times before I had begged Twilight to give me some sort of facial hair, and I'd always dream of the day when I could grow some on my own, but now that I had it, it only amplified the surrealness of my situation.
Of course, my newly acquired wings were tucked tightly behind my back, another sight I was never quite sure I'd ever see. The gown they made me put on wasn't really designed for a dragon, so my longer tail draped along the ground while my wings popped out from the collar. And, for whatever reason, the mares of the hospital were more than glad that my rear was also exposed.
I often felt like I was in hell. I guess I should be thankful that my “recovery” look was enough to turn mares on to the idea of being with a dragon, but I never once thought that dragon was me, and all the attention I'd ever crave was making me feel even worse about my present situation.
I carried on forward, leaving my appearance behind. The mystery of what I would be like was revealed to all to be a stunning young dragon, contrasting drastically to the baby dragon that came before it. For most ponies, that was enough to fulfill their curiosity, with mares giving me eyes that made my heart race in nervousness, and stallions that either treated me like their own or glared at me—though to my present state, either side did anything to me yet. To be honest, I was thankful to the ponies who didn't seem to care.
I'd honestly never expected my transformation to turn out this way, and I'm not sure if that's for better or for worse.
“Oh Spikey!” I heard the familiar voice call from across the hall, raising my head just in time to see the alabaster unicorn bolting my way. Before I could even open my mouth, she was standing before me. “Whatever are you doing out of bed so soon? You know forcing your recovery will only serve to prolong it, don't you?”
I didn't respond at first, not because I couldn't put it delicately how Dash and Scootaloo managed to rope me into leaving my bed, but how I had to look down upon Rarity. It felt so weird standing over her now, with her having to look up to me rather it being the other way around.
“Oh whatever,” she said with a shrug of the shoulders, coming to my side and draping my arm along her back. “I'm sure you've already made all the steps you needed all on your own. Come now, rely on your friends.”
She began to walk forward, making me shuffle as a tried to follow her movement. In a moment, I lost the support of the wall, but in a brilliant purple flash, I found that support replaced by the back of an alicorn. Twilight didn't say anything at first, grunting upon taking some of my weight, taking a step forward in tandem with Rarity, as they waited a second for me to do the same.
Once we got into the groove of things, she finally looked up at me and smiled. “Doing any better, Spike?'
“Sorta,” I said, getting used to being back in motion. “Walking again at this height is going to take some getting used to...among other things.”
Her smile transitioned into a knowing smirk. “I'm sure those are things you'll enjoy getting used to.” She nodded her head towards Rarity, to whom a stole but once glance, and felt nothing upon doing so. I looked forward to the rest of Twilight's friends waiting for us at the end of the hall.
“I doubt it.”
She gave me a worried look, but I kept my silence all the same. After a little while, we reached the end of the hall, where all the girls were standing and giving me looks of pure happiness. I chuckled as I slowly returned my arms to my side, Twilight leaving quickly to fetch me a crutch to use.
“So what brings all of you girls to the hospital?” I asked, giving Twilight a small nod as she slipped a crunch underneath my right arm. “Ponyville on fire again or all of you getting tired of doing my chores back at the library?”
“Oh, nothing like that at all,” Fluttershy said in a soothing voice. “Though if you must know, the library is operating as it normally would, so you don't have to worry about a ton of work when you do finally get home. And Ponyville is still just the same before you got admitted.”
“Well, that's a lie if I ever heard one!” Pinkie gleed as she bounced to just before me, even her highest bounce just enough to make us on eye level. “News of you going from baby to stud is rocketing across the town like a parasprite infestation! You'll totally be the life of the party when we throw your discharge party—and that's not because it was thrown for you!”
“Pinkie!” Dash exclaimed, pushing the bouncing mare back with a wing. “You can't just go around calling guys studs.” She turned her gaze to me and ran her eyes up and down my body. “Though you certainly can spot the difference between the new you and the old one.”
I gulped and kept my face stoic.
“But I'm more interested in seeing those dragon wings in action!” she said with a grin, causing me to sigh with relief. “I thought you were just going to be a little twerp forever. But if you were to start eating more than the crud they offer here, start weight and wing training, then I can see some potential in you as an athlete.”
“Uhh...”
“It'll be awesome if you get into that kind of a lifestyle,” she said as she threw a hoof over Scootaloo's shoulder. “”Cause then you and Scoots could train together. And besides, if you wanna keep the good looks going, you're going to need to work hard to keep 'em.”
“Uhh...”
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity stepped next to her cyan friend, glaring at her slightly. “Can't you see that our poor Spikey's recovery gets him enough exercise already? I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to take some time off and relax around the boutique when he's discharged.”
I couldn't decipher what the smile she gave me meant as looked up at me. “I'm sure having you around would provide the inspiration I need to come up with some stunning new outfits—perhaps some you could try on and see how well they compliment your new looks?”
“Uhh...”
“Now hold just a second Missy,” Applejack squeezed herself into the small pack that was forming before me, each more so glaring at one another than noticing I was there. “I don't think it's a grand idea just to let the dragon laze about just 'cause he got discharged. The boy's a hard worker, so the momentum gained from work itself will help him get back on his feet, so why not have him out on the farm some days?”
Applejack lost her glare as she looked up to me. “We can try ya' out on the farm for a little while and see how you do. You'll get the exercise that Rainbow wants, you can take breaks whenever ya want as to please Rarity, plus we'll pay ya' for your troubles.”
“Uhh...”
“What if farm work puts too much strain on Spike?” Fluttershy said as she too squeezed into the pack, almost forming a circle, in which, they were discussing amongst themselves what my fate would be. I blinked, noticing in the corner of my eye the mares from before returning to what they were doing before I had entered the hallway, and that made me glad. “I could tend to him better if he stays in my cottage for a bit, and if he wants, he could help me tend to my animals.”
“Uhh...”
A light chattered brewed from in-between the five. Some directed towards one another, others just defending why their point was the best, but there was only one mare standing in the center of them all that managed to draw their attention with a shout. “Shouldn't we ask what it is that Spike wants to do?” Scootaloo said as she struck a hoof towards me from the pack, the following mares trailing its direction. “What he thinks he needs right now, since he's kinda the one that, y'know, grew tall, had wings exploded out his back, became hot in a matter of weeks, and is the one going through pain to just stand?”
Scootaloo stepped out from the pack and brushed a few shoulders, standing just before me. She gave me a nod, one that conveyed our mutual feelings of living an others shadow, and came to my side. I felt her soft fur brush against my smooth scales for the first time, an intimate contact never before possible when I was covered in my bandages, yet it was only because of that fact that made my heart leap unlike when Rarity had supported me.
My arm draped around her neck all on its own, as the weight of standing in this new body no longer hurt as much, as I no longer stood alone. Twilight, who had been watching the entire exchange silently, allowed a small smile to grow on her lips as her head titled slightly. “I think Scootaloo's in the right here; part of recovery is giving control back to the patent, not away from.”
Then, the girls were silent for but a moment, before twirling towards me.
“What is it you want to do, Spike?”
I could only give them one response.
“Uh...”
That was my life for the duration of my recovery. I spent my morning in front of the mirror, both in glee that I finally looked 'handsome,' but also in fear, for I wasn't quite sure if that was me who was looking back at me.
Afternoons found me either inside the sterile white halls or just outside the hospital walls. One of the girls would usually accompany me on my trips, keeping me upright and moving, as they would go on about whatever it was that was occurring in their lives.
I tended to be the therapeutic ear for the girls during my baby years, though that was only when the others weren't around, or there was a letter to be taken down. The sensation of having the girls talk to me so deeply, to want my opinion and hear my thoughts on the matter, still felt as weird as the books Twilight keeps stashed underneath her mattress.
...you didn't read that from me.
Anywho. I hope none of what I have written comes off as complaining—because it's anything but. I'd spent most of my life dreaming about reaching the same level as the girls, of being treated the same and being regarded just as great as them, but now that I had it, everything just felt so...weird.
Whenever the conversation would deviate into about me, I always told them that I was doing just fine. That my limbs still ached, that looking down at ponies felt weird, that sitting back in a chair caused me to shift countless times, and that looking in the mirror was still weird—even weeks after the fact.
It also didn't help, that, my walks would begin with just one mare, and end with four more strangers having joined us. I thought hearing the distant giggle would put a swagger in my step, that having chatter about me would cause me to stand taller—but all it did was cause my heart to beat with anxiety.
I may have told the girls what was going on inside my head, but I never told them of the extent. It wasn't that I didn't trust them enough, or that they would laugh or call me silly, or even that they would be unable to help me—quite the contrary in fact.
It just would've helped if my feelings didn't involve them. And even if they hadn't, I don't think I would be able to talk to the girls that deeply—the girls and I may have cultivated a proper friendship, but it would take some time to establish some depth.
I was glad that such a possibility finally existed for me, but there was something I need to do now about my overwhelming feelings. The nights spent in existential dread, alone in the darkness of my silent room, trying to fall asleep but doomed to think.
It happened late one night, two hours after I was supposed to have fallen asleep. The faint blue rays of light shone through the window to my room, as I sat upright in my bed, unable to shake my nagging thoughts.
Then, out of nowhere, I was drawn out of my thoughts by the sound of glass breaking. I looked to my left just in time to catch the yellow blur, its descent slowed by the destruction of my room's window, like glass and it crashed against the ground.
I recognized the blur to be no other than Scootaloo, who rolled across the floor with a grunt, before her back crashed into the wall, upside down. Her hind legs raised in the air, she gave her head a shake to stop her eyes from rolling, before they set upon me from across the room.
“Heh, uh, sorry about the window,” she said, letting herself fall forward and landing on her hooves. She gave herself a moment to wipe the dust her coat had collected off, before shooting a gaze back at me. “So how's it going, hot stuff?”
I could only let out a groan as I fell back into my bed.
“Oh, crud, did I do something wrong?” I turned my head to watch her quickly sweep the shards of glass from the floor into one collective pile, taking a breath of relief once it was finished, only for the nightly gust of wind to blow the pile away from the window. In a flash, she was hovering before it and pulled down the blinds. “I'm guessing I should leave some bits on the table and have my hooves back here in the morning, huh?”
“I guess,” I couldn't help but grumble, a fact that she caught in to quickly.
“What's up with the sour attitude, Spike?” she said as she hovered my way, prompting landing on her hooves on the stool next to my bed. “I know it's totally rude to bust your window in the middle of the night and all that, but I mean, you used to laugh whenever Rainbow did the same thing back at the library. I thought an entrance like that would cheer you up and all that other jazz.”
I chuckled, hoping it would ease her worries, though it did nothing to assuage my own state. “You didn't do anything wrong, Scootaloo, at least where I'm concerned.” I tilted my head left on my pillow, looking towards her. “I can't say the same for the hospital though.”
We both shared a laugh, something that was becoming far more frequent. I watched as her rump finally made contact with the seat, sitting tall as a light stream of laughter still spilled from her orange lips, before it all came to cease.
The purple pools that were her eyes fixed upon me once again from behind the single strand of her pointy mane. “Are you sure I didn't do anything to...upset you?”
“Uh...”
The smile left her lips as her face took a serious expression, but the gaze of her eyes was still soft as ever. “You know you can tell me anything, right, Spike?”
I kept silent, continuing to stare at her.
“I know that you and I weren't exactly the closest before you came to the hospital, I wouldn't be suprised if I rubbed you off the wrong way or something like that,” she said, fidgeting with her hooves. “But I feel like you and I kind of the same things going on in our lives—I don't mean the same things—but we understand what each other is feeling, even if the situations are different, y'know?”
I hated myself for not saying anything then. I could tell by the strain in her voice, the fidgeting and rubbing of her hooves, and the avoiding of eye contact that it was hurting her to delve this deep into her feelings. But...I needed to hear them out-loud for some horrible reason, to know what it was she really felt, and whatever it was our sudden relationship was becoming.
I didn't know why, but I needed Scootaloo to say that we were friends. In fact, out of all the ponies in the known world, from Rarity to my imaginary comic-book heroes, she was the most important of all to say those magical words.
I guess friendship really is magic.
“So even if we haven't really known each for that long of a time, the fact that you and I were able to talk about stuff that we couldn't talk to anyone else about makes me think we truly became friends in that short amount of time,” Scootaloo said. “Ponies become our friends 'cause we've spent enough time around them to know them well enough. But if you already know a pony well enough, then time kinda becomes irrelevant, don't ya think?”
“I guess I can't deny that logic,” I said, the dark ceiling of my room filling my vision. A thought struck me as it propelled me to turn my head back towards her. “So if I tell you more about myself, and you come to know me better, does that mean we'll truly become friends then?”
Before I knew it, she was flicking my nose with her hoof; head leaned closer to mine. “Silly, the whole point is that we're already friends.” Scootaloo leaned back into her seat. “Anything you do or say now won't change just what level our friendships lie; you know me, and I know you, if that makes any sense.”
I chuckle, still admiring the way her spiky mane fell over her face, and how it accentuated looking into her eyes. Attention had been placed on the development of my looks, but if ponies were too slow down and look around, they would've found a face far better than mine. “In a way, it does, Scootaloo.”
And just like that, her smile stretched into a grin.
“So go on, coach!” Scootaloo rose a hoof gracefully in the air in proclamation, while the other pressed solemnly into her chest, sinking ever so slightly into the orange fur. “Tell your woes to your good friend Scootaloo; I know she's got the wisdom you're craving for.”
“Whatever you say, Trixie,” I stated with a chuckle, hearing the covers of my pillow shift as I stared up at the ceiling. A few moments passed us by, in which Scootaloo began to sit properly, and for my smile to fade away as the glint in my eye left in just one blink. “To be honest with you, Scootaloo, life has been getting really strange as of late—including how fast just you and I became friends. But then I realized, sitting up late in my bed, that my life has always been strange—from building eating bugs and the element of chaos trying to bring about the world's end.” I inhaled deeply and exhaled quickly. “But then I realized: the reason why that life wasn't strange to me was because it wasn't my life. It was always the girls, either doing something or reacting to something, which created that life.”
Cold winds blew through the shattered window, glass clinking in the background.
“But...this, of wanting more and spilling blood for it, saying farewell so I could have the growth spurt I always needed. From dealing with doctors and talking with you, it all seems so sudden and strange, but not quite so much when you compare it the usual stuff I go through.”
I sighed, closing my eyes. “The only reason why it feels so strange is because it's happening to me. Life has put these problems before me much like a villain does with the girl, only it's up to me to make a decision and move forward.”
I laughed as I draped a claw upon my cheek. “I'm finally becoming my own dragon, and I can't help but feel hopelessly scared because of it. I may be able to ask the girls for advice, maybe even help, but whatever decisions I make next fall solely upon me.”
Finally, I rolled my head back towards Scootaloo to find her staring at me with silent eyes. “Here I am complaining about having to make choices, while the girls do so effortlessly in the face of the world's end. I'm surprised I was born as a dragon instead of a chicken.”
Scootaloo stared down at me with those eyes of hers, from behind that violet mane of hers, before finally, finally she placed her fore hooves upon the railing of my bed, and hovered her face just above them. Together, we stared into one-another eyes at an equal height level.
“That's supposed to be my line, dummy,” she said, lightly chuckling afterward. “Well, if you change the whole being a dragon thing with being a pegasus...thing, of course. But please, tell me more, and if you can, try not to look away.”
A smile stretched across my lips by its own violation; every beat of my heart became suddenly aware to me at that moment. Her plea was easy—just don't look away—but my voice croaked as it clashed in the closeness of our beings.
Finally, I let myself close my eyes and exhale a deep breath, and did my best not to focus my eyes when they re-opened. “Ever since I woke up, it feels like everything's been about me. At first, I was glad to have ponies like you and the girls take such a deep interest in me—it reminded me the ponies really do care about me. That we all care about each other equally, even though I may fail to recognize that at times.”
Scootaloo rested her chin on her hooves and listened further with a tilted head.
“All that attention at first felt great, but as quickly as that feeling came, it went. Soon I was being overloaded on how different I sounded, the things we would do when I got out, and how much things were going to change. You already know how I felt about all that.”
She smiled as her head dipped momentarily.
“But that's something I can handle. I may not exactly know who I may have changed into, but I know I still retain a bit of who I was once—that baby dragon will forever be hiding in my psyche, as we explore this strange new world together.”
“Don't forget you got me standing next to ya,” Scootaloo said from behind her hooves, only her eyes and mane visible. “You're not the only one who's changed and been trusted into the same world that now feels totally different.”
“Touche,” I said as I couldn't help but look away. “But that's part of the stuff that I can't handle.”
“What do you...what do you mean?” Her voice suddenly crack as worry dripped from my tone, causing me to look back immediate with apologetic eyes.
“I just feel like I'm on a direct course to letting you, the girls, and everypony else down.” The fear that caused my heart to swell escaped far too easily from my lips, something I would have liked to lead into, but not at the cost of rendering Scootaloo in a worrisome state for a moment longer. “I've been granted with all this...potential. Before, I was nothing but a nuisance on the Apple's farm, but now with my build, they think I'll be good as two workers.”
I couldn't help myself from looking at the ceiling as my eyes began to sting. “Dash has never been one to pay me a glance, but now, she's obsessing over my wings and begging me to train under her—to be the first pony to teach a dragon how to fly, she says. Then, of course, my 'new looks' is enough to dazzle Rarity with inspiration for a new clothing line—and guess who she has set out to be the model?”
I heard a light chuckle. “You?”
I turned back towards her with a nod. “Pinkie has it in her mind that inviting me to a party will also bring in a slew of guest, ponies that don't know me yet seem to follow me wherever I go, while Fluttershy would like to use me to persuade the more dangerous animals that they can as well live peacefully. The thing is, I can get over that, but with Twilight, it's another story.”
“How so?”
“She's started writing a book about me,” I said, “I've always suspected she's had a little project, but I was able to confirm it for sure. Never before after an injury has she asks me how I felt, but now, she wants to know about my every pain of worry to jot down for later analysis.”
“I know I'm not one to really talk here,” Scootaloo intervened, allowing me a moment to calm my erratic breathing. “But I think the girls are really just trying to help you, and if they are using you, it seems to be for a good cause. Fluttershy and Pinkie look like they need you to help others; Applejack and Dash to help you get used to your new bod', and Rarity's already making you some new clothes for your height free of charge.”
She slowly came out from behind her hooves, looking at me almost like a scared child. Despite her cuteness, I'd rather her not feel afraid to voice her opinions. “As for Twilight, I know she tends to get caught up in the moment or her mind, but she usually makes it up to you in the end. I mean, I would totally be uncool with someone using me as a test subject, but knowing Twilight, all she probably wants to do is bring more information on dragons to the public eye.”
“That's the thing; I know that the girls are just trying to help me, or to improve the world while using me. It may be irritating, but I would never be mad over something like that.”
“Then...then what is it that's got you down?”
“The feeling that I'm going to betray them!” I felt a few tears sting the corners of my eyes as I expressed the core of my frustrations. “That I'll end up being inept on the farm and screw everything up, that I'll crash into every building possible with my wings, that once ponies get to know me, they won't want to go to those parties.”
I felt my head crashed against my pillow—I hadn't even realized I had sat up. “That those clothes won't look good on me and just waste Rarity's time and resources, that those dangerous creatures I'm supposed to tame will just end up ripping me apart, and finally, finally! That Twilight's research will be pointless—because I'm not a normal dragon. I'm not even a dragon, much less a pony.”
My claw raised on its own as my eyes focused on its purple scales.
“The girls are just seeing a mirage when they look to what I could be, and I'm just leading all the mares on with the facade of my looks,” I said slowly in contrast to my previous speedy expression. “I'm not trying to lie to them, doing everything but getting their hopes up, yet they all do so anyway, and I can't help but feel I'm the one who's to blame. Once these ponies get to know me deeply enough, they won't like me like they did before.”
That was it. Everything within me now floated inside the room. I could feel my every breath, my heart rate slowly calming, and my body no longer shivering. It was like my scales had been ripped from me as my body was completely exposed to the other in the room—I didn't know why I felt like I had done something so incredibly wrong, even now.
I didn't dare look to the other in the room. Despite my change and growth, at my heart and at my core, I was still a coward. I think...I think that's why I liked, er, respected Scootaloo so much. Despite her fears and the problems ahead, she always possessed the courage to expose herself as she acted.
At the time, delight washed across my face as strange of orange fur absorbed the tears clinging to the corners of my eyes. Then, ever so slightly, she turned my head until we were face to face once more. “I know you, and I haven't run away.”
I began to cry, yet she didn't take away her hooves.
“I've seen what you're like around others, and I also know the type of things you think of while you're alone,” Scootaloo said with a light chuckle, using her other hoof to grab a napkin from the table and used to dry my tears. “I know we may not act the same, but we do have the same thoughts on our minds.”
I sniffled in attempt to cease my tears. “So different, and yet, the same.”
“Mmmhmm,” she hummed as she got the last of my tears, only turning away to place the napkin on the table, and looking back at me again. “Say, Spike? Try not to sweat the whole 'being hot' thing. I got to know you when bandages were still covering your body, and even then, I still liked who you were—the looks just kinda of add to the package, get what I mean, jellybean?”
I couldn't help but laugh and croak at the same time. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“Whoever's ‘Hot' in this town changes by the week, and it's more of a trend than anything else. I'm not going to say all the mares will be off your tail, but something tells me you don't mind to wandering gazes.” Again, I laughed, but something like hurt flashed across her face. Before I could even think to mention it, Scootaloo continued. “After a while, ponies will get used to your looks, and stick around because of who you are. Just takes thing day by day, slowly revealing who you are to the ponies around you—they may not know him too well yet, but sooner or later, they'll find out just what kind of dragon you are.”
Finally, and unfortunately, she withdrew her hooves. “And regardless of whatever kind of dragon you grow into, I'm sure I'll like him as much as I like you now.”
Scootaloo then clambered over the railing and onto my bed, laying her head on my chest as she wrapped her hooves around my neck. We were both laying down, probably just as nervous as the other, but the embrace was far too comfortable to give up to awkwardness.
Slowly, my claws rose and worked their way around her body, before hugging her close to me. I felt the length of the barrel of the body as I wanted ever so badly to hug her just a tiny bit harder. She had grown quite the wings, the feather tickling my wrists.
I knew this hug was a special case, but even then I knew it meant something else. The way we were hugging was not the way most others did, and how we continued to lay there despite the many ticking of the clock showed that there was some other bond fueling our embrace.
Quite possibly, as I hugged her closer and heard her soft giggle, was the moment I think I fell for Scootaloo. And of course, with my luck, we both realized just what this was turning into, and both split apart. She sat just between my legs, and I was forever glad I had a blanket on.
“Oh hey, um, you uh, feeling better now?!” Scootaloo squeaked as she couldn't help but look to me, then the wall, then back to me repeatedly.
“Oh yeah, big time!”
“Cool, cool.” Scootaloo used her one hoof to rub her other arm, barely able to look me in the eyes—the feeling was mutual. “Hey, when I said I liked you and all that, I didn't really mean it.” After a second, her face lit up as she quickly jumped upon my chest. “Ack! That didn't come out right! I mean I like you, but in the way that friends like each other, and not like how a mare may like a colt, or a dragon.”
She slapped herself with a hoof, speaking muffle from behind it. “That's not to say you can't attract mares, especially with your looks, and not have her like you as both a boy dragon and a friend.”
My mouth hung open for a few moments, and then, laughter spewed from my lips.
“What's so funny?”
“You.”
“Oh stick a sock in it.'
“Have any socks?
She sat down, hard, upon my chest.
“Anymore jokes?”
“None so far,” I wheezed.
“Good,” she said with her arms still crossed and her eyes closed. After a few moments, they opened, and set upon the wings behind my back. “But you are thinking about taking Dash up on her offer to train, right? Think about it, you and I would train together under wonderbolt material—how kickflank would that be?”
The rest of the night was spent like that. From discussing the discharged party only a few days away, how her training was going with Dash, and our speculations on how the future was going to be like. To tell you the truth, we got almost everything right.
The only one thing we didn't suspect happening was our kiss. But, to be fair, we were never told about the one thing that could change anything between ponies and dragons.
Flying tortoises.