//------------------------------// // Is Anyone Keener than Pinkie? // Story: Letters from an Evil Empress // by zackepic22 //------------------------------// Dear Twilight Sparkle, ...I just saw probably one of the oddest things ever. When I was thinking about how to respond to this letter, I passed by Cadance’s room. And, after I passed it, I stopped, and looked right back in. Cadance and Nightmare were just laying there, on the bed, brushing each other’s head. Cadance was talking about her trip to a local Canterlot Garden, and, Nightmare was purring. Yes, that’s right, my sister, the second highest ruler in Equestria, was purring like a lovestruck and content kitten. ...Which sort of fits, considering her eyes do look very cat-like. I was about to leave, when I looked over, and saw that your brother, Shining Armor, was walking down the hall. Soooooo, I quickly hid in the room opposite. Not only because I didn’t want him or them to see me doing that, but, because I also knew that, no matter what happened next, it was going to be good. Sure enough, after he called Cadance his ‘Cuddle Muffin’-Kind of sweet as far lover nicknames go-annnnddd, Nightmare started hissing at him. He was shocked, and, honestly, seeming a bit terrified. Then, when she really hissed at him, he went all ‘talktoyoulaterCadancekbye!’, and, escaped as quickly as he could. When I checked the room again, Nightmare was muttering something about, ‘Don’t know what you see in that white-coated, blue-haired pretty boy…’ I definitely think she’s taken to the role of co-auntie quite nicely~ Anyway, just got back not too long ago. I had a glorious little retreat. There was excitement, there was battle, there was red everywhere. I trapped them, and forced them back, and took so many of them out, in many, various gruesome ways, and, the looks on their faces when they finally surrendered, and swore their service to me! Priceless~ Anyway, I’m glad that you finally seem to have understood that there is no rhyme or reason when it comes to Pinkie, but, I’m afraid you might not know all the details… I myself have been studying up on Pinkie as much as I could since I found out about her, and what she was really like, and, I have come to the conclusion that she is, infact, an avatar of an elder one… Panikdipie’tbhlu, the horror of smiling and happiness. Hers’ is the gift to make you smile, and grin, and celebrate, no matter how much you don’t want to inside! The very sight of her in person, could drive one to eternal happiness for the rest of their lives, no matter how much they didn’t want to be happy! She’s almost always grinning...And, when she frowns, it just turns your soul into utter bliss. No other mortal emotion could ever exist in you from that point on… One time, during the Trottingham rebellion fifty years back, I wanted a bit of a break from violence and oppression as a means to deal with a problem, so, I made a deal with a believer of the Happy one, who said she could turn their unrest into utter happiness. But, a week later, after hearing nothing from her, and the rebellion still going on, I decided to see what had happened to her for myself. She was lying there on the floor, eyes completely wide, a grin breaking out on her face, drool dripping from her maw. She had dipped too far. She would never perceive anything other than happiness, ever again. So, be careful in your future dealings with the avatar. You may regret it if you cause her to be displeased or unhappy… Do not displease the Happy Elder One, Empress Daybreaker Oh, hey, there, Sis! How are you- ...Did you just cough up a hairball? I- ...Ugh. No, actually, I don’t wish to know. I don’t wish to know at all… But, just incase, stop acting like a dang cat!