//------------------------------// // Episode 3: Follow that Human! // Story: I Have No Mouth, and I Must Squee ( A Comment Driven Story) // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// As you and the ponies continue to stare each other down, a deadpanned look comes across your face as you think, Yep, knew staring was gonna be a thing! "All right jerk, tell us where Nightmare Moon took Twilight and I just might not have to beat you to next Sunday!" Rainbow angrily interrupts the staredown as she puts her hooves up in a boxer stance. I’d Like to tell you, I really would! But you’re all angry and I can’t communicate. If only there was some way to calm you down…Wait a minute. Of course! The one universal language that can pierce the heavens and bring about world peace! A brilliant plan comes to you as you Right as the Mane 5 are about to take you down with their various skills, you realize that you have the skills of one universal language: Beatboxing! Proceed to throw down a sick beat accompanied by moves that could put Michael Jackson to shame You will admit that your beat sounds a little...okay a lot off compared to you usual tone. Back on Earth you considered yourself a master in the art of beatboxing, and your dance skills were semi-awesome. Nothing compared to your sister’s who could also moonwalk on ice, but hey what can you do? With the loss of your voice the beat doesn't sound nearly as smooth and you have to improvise some sounds with your hands, but you think you’re doing a pretty good job so far. "Wha...what is it doing? And what are those horrendous sounds coming out of it’s mouth?" Gee Rarity, thank you for your generous observation! "Ah don't know, maybe it’s trying to cast some sorta dark spell or something? I don’t know much about magic," Applejack says in bewilderment. You notice Rainbow giving you a suspicious glare as Fluttershy hides behind her in response to Applejack’s theory. Haters! You’re all just jealous of my sick moves! You think angrily as you step up your game. It’s then that you look over to Pinkie...who’s bobbing her head up and down with the beat while a huge smile nearly splits her face apart. "Dark spell or not, it sounds awesome! And look at those moves it has! I can't look away it’s so awesomestupendous!" Yyyeess!!! At least one of you likes it! I knew there was a reason Pinkie was in my top five favorite ponies of all time! With the Element of Laughter cheering you on, you take your routine to the floor and break dance as you spin around and around, before ending on a handstand with your leg extended. “HOLY SPIT! THAT’S RAD!!!” Pinkie cheers. With your performance at an end you get up and notice the ponies giving you a look that’s the equivalent of a squirrel’s face if it’s acorns started floating and jazz music started playing from it: In other words, sheer, unadulterated confusion. "WOOHOOO! ENCORE! ENCORE! WOOOO!" Except for Pinkie who is clopping her hooves on the ground in genuine praise. Smirking smugly, you bow to your stunned audience with a smug smirk before giving Pinkie a double point and wink, which causes her to giggle. Heh, once again beatboxing and breakdancing saves the day. Now's my chance to lead these ponies to Twilight and KILL HE-MAN-I mean, save canon. NYEH! Denneylaw's Comment With that thought you call forth your inner Joseph Joestar and use the Joestar Family Technique. Your fleeing form manages to snap the ponies out of their stunned state as their anger returns. With a shout of "Get back here" courtesy of Rainbow the chase begins...that is after Rainbow has to fly back and grab Pinkie, who is still clapping. "Come on Pinkie! We have to catch that weird ape thing!" "*Gasp* Dashie how could you!? You know what happens to the pony that stops clapping first! Now I'm gonna vanish in the middle of the night and never be heard from again!" "Whatever weirdo, just come on!" As you bravely flee, you now have your plan in place. Lead to confrontation, stay to the side, and hope for the best. The castle can’t be that big, right? ONE ETERNITY LATER Alright, this has got to be the right way. I can feel it. It’s not. In fact it happens to be the very room you woke up in. Oh come on!!! You feel like you’ve just ran a marathon, or to be more accurate you feel like you just participated in the running of the bulls considering the ponies chasing after you. You must have climbed at least every staircase you found, and yet somehow you managed to go in a circle and end up back where you started. Whatever deity or forces above must surely be laughing at your misfortune. "GOT YOU NOW VARMIT!" Applejack cries out as you feel her pouncing on your back, but using your sick break dancing moves, you spin with the pounce as you still run, and she slides off and to the side. “Oof! Dang it. This thing sure is a slippery snake!” Applejack groans as she gets back up and continues the chase. Of course I am fool! I am the ruler of Snake Mountain, and the King of Pop wishes he had my moves. Nyeheheeee!!! Yes, you actually combined Skeletor’s Nyeh, with MJ’s Heehee. If anyone could have heard, they would have shook their heads in utter disappointment. ANOTHER ETERNITY LATER After rounding a corner and putting some distance from the Mares, You pause to catch your breath. As you bend down and start to breath heavily you think, Dear deity that folks complain to in this world...I hate running so much....Now where am I-OH COME ON! You are now back in the Element Pedestal room. OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE!?! I SWEAR IF CARTOON LOGIC IS INVOLVED I WIL- Your rant is cut short as... BrownDog's Comment You get dogpiled by the ponies from behind. All five at once. Your epic breakdancing moves can’t help you here. “Don’t give him an inch girls! Now, where is Twilight and the Elements?!” Applejack shouts. “Yes you ghastly beast, where are they?!” Rarity screeches. “Tell us where you took them…if you don’t mind that is…” Fluttershy meekly orders. “You think you can teach me your moves? They are amazing! Well I mean, first tell us where Twilight is, but what do you say?” Pinkie chatters. All you can do is struggle as all five of them pin you down. Dog sized though they may be, but they are dense and heavy. Heavy enough, that you feel you might suffocate. This is not how I pictured going out. At least Death by pony dog pile will be interesting on my tombstone. I wonder if Death will laugh or shake its head in pity when they find out? "Where is Twilgiht!? Say it! SAY IT!!!" Rainbow growls knocking you out of your burial rites. I would if I could skittles! Nyeh! You keep pointing up towards the ceiling using the one arm not under pony body, but the ponies just ignore your pointing in favor of continuing to yell for answers...right into your ears. That's it, no more mister nice guy! I'm getting you all off me! I’m already mute, I don’t need to be deaf too! If only I had some more power to…Oh yeah! Finally remembering your Havoc Staff, you push all of your will into it, and a force of air shoots out, loosening the dog pile, and giving you room to scramble out of it. “He’s getting loose! Stop him before-“ *ZAP* Throw a couple sparks at the ponies. Just enough to catch their attention. You wave the staff menacingly and sneer at them, See He-Man? You cannot hope to match against my power! Nyeh! You just sent out a bunch of sparks from your stuff right in front of them, catching their attention and keeping them from dogpiling you again. That’s right! You growl as you get back to your feet and start swinging your staff in front of you wildly. See little He-Mans? You cannot hope to match against my power! Nyeh-*BONK* ...Huh?! However in your panic you accidentally hit Pinkie in the head causing her to get knocked out. Oh Crap! No, No, No, NO! You suck in a lot of breath in and put your hands over your mouth horror at what you've just done as Fluttershy yells, yes, actually YELLS, "PINKIE PIE!!!" Crap! Not the Pink One! Why couldn’t it have been Svengallop?! It should have been Svengallop! As the ponies stare at you in anger and Pinkie's unconscious body in shock you do the only thing that can come to your mind to ease the situation. You... Shrug, as if to say "T'was an accident." In the back of your mind you know this is all beast mans fault some how it always is . Shrug your shoulders and put on a very guilt ridden face to convey what you’re thinking. T'was an accident. In fact it was Beast Man’s fault! It’s always that fool’s fault! Of course doing that after knocking a pony out has the opposite effect that you were hoping for. Rainbow just bears her teeth at you rage as she yells, "THAT'S IT YOU JERK! YOU’RE GOING DOWN!" Kazuma Michishige's Comment Crap! Not what I wanted. you think, Why must I be cursed with this Skeletor complex? You raise the Havoc Staff at them in a threating way while mentally screaming, Stop! A translucent blue wall appears in front of them, and they all smash into it. The ponies fall to the ground, stunned from the impact. Still not what I wanted. You mentally groan as you feel guilt crawl up your back. Okay, I can still fix this, just need to get them to the room with the Elements. You then suddenly get an idea to lead all the girls to Nightmare and Twilight. I really hope they all forgive me after this...if I'm not blasted into stone that is. God this sucks so much on so many levels. You put your plan into action as you grab Pinkie's unconscious form, tuck her under your arm and run for dear life up the nearest stairwell. "Put Her Down!" Applejack calls out after you as she gets back to her hooves. You ignore her shout as you run for it with the pink pony wrapped under your arms. You don't dare look behind you in fear of what you might see as you think, Please let me actually find them this time And so the chase was on once again, but this time you had a hostage! YET ANOTHER ETERNITY LATER Just_another_guy's Comment TheForsakenOne 's Comment Kazuma Michishige's Comment You are still hopelessly and irrevocably lost. Damn it Nightmare! Couldn't you have given me a map or something before ditching me? "MUAHAHAHAHA!" Nightmare's laughter echoes down a dark stairwell to your left as if in response to your thoughts. That works too. You speed up, shifting Pinkie Pie in your grip. You finally get up the stairs to the room with Nightmare and Twi buuuuut there's one little problem you've come across in your plan. How do I shake them of and let events unfold!? you think panting. All that running and dodging all while carrying Pinkie's unconscious form ( she needs to cut down on the sweets, even though it makes her soft and cuddly ('Squee')) , was far out of your gamer/couch potato comfort zone. When you finally catch your breath you realize something very important, You’ve interrupted Nightmare's 'I've won you lost' speech just after she’s broken the rest of the Elements and the two ponies in the room are just staring at you in shock As these two stare at you, you can feel like you have to make a huge decision. As if the entire morning (er night?) was leading up to this. You look between the two ponies repeatedly and contemplate. Alright, alright, alright... Whats the best outcome here? On the one hand I could serve my dark mistress and prove my worth to her. You look over to Twilight as you continue to think, On the other hand, I could try to mime to the ponies about how my loyalties are flimsy at best. Unless canon sticks and Luna comes back, then I swear all allegiance to the princess that actually does something once in awhile. With that thought you look down towards the unconscious Pinkie Pie under your arm and back to Twilight before sighing. But let's not kid ourselves, the miming didn't work earlier and it sure as HELL isn't gonna work with me sporting Nightmare Moon’s colors and waving a menacing skull staff around. Come on Skeletor, you're all in whether you like it or not! I'm sure you can somehow convince the dark queen to spare these cretins once the dust settles! Looking back to the mare in the moon you notice the downright evil grin she's sporting with eyes full of madness. It is as you stare at these eyes that you feel all thoughts of going to the dark side fall. On second thought let’s leave that as a worst case scenario. Let’s not work for the crazy evil pony who will kill everyone and everything by blocking out the sun for all eternity. Just as you make up your mind, Twilight snaps out of her stunned state. "YOU!" she calls out in rage, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO PINKIE PIE!?" Ah, oh yeah, you sweat in fear at her now glowing horn. Before any spell of hers can be cast, you are surrounded in a dark blue aura and instantly you are at Nightmare's side as she laughs like a mad tyrant. "Well done my subject!" She yells in delight looking at the pink tubby pony in your arms like a wolf would look at a helpless lamb. "Thou hast captured one of these pests in a matter of minutes, thou hast made our plan all the more easy." That don't look good... you shudder bringing Pinkie defensively closer to your body. Pinkie stirs at the movement. "C'M H'ER YA VARMIT!" Suddenly the mane 4 come charging in through the stairway into the room. "Oh, hey Twilight..." AJ says quickly solely focused on you. "OH! Twilight!!" AJ says now fully aware of her now. "And the rest of them too?!" Nightmare Moon says raising a brow looking at you, "Somepony deserves a promotion! Now, give me the Pink One." "Don't lay a hoof on her!" Twilight calls out. "And what if I do~?"Nightmare Moon asks "Pray tell, by all means do tell us what you miserable ponies can dare do if we were to harm this pink one?!" You see Nightmare's magic wrap around Pinkie and your eyes widen in fear. Oh no you don't ya crazy night themed villain! You won't touch a hair on her poofy, possibly made of cotton candy, mane! And with that thought you… BrownDog's Comment Hold on firmly to the pink pony as if her life depends on it....which it probably does now that you think about it. "What are you doing?" asks Nightmare as she tugs on Pinkie but you yank her back. "You can let go now," she insists as tries to tug her again, and you tug back and shake your head. NO! Mine! "Give her to me!" Screw you! This is MY Pink Pony now, you're not going to hurt her! Nyeh! Pinkie is then in the middle of a game of tug of war between you and Nightmare Moon, squeaking the whole time while the other five look on in confusion. Eventually she is jostled awake. "Somepony got the number of that goat?" Pinkie says like a drunk. "He seemed quite handsome, heh,heh~" "Let go this instant Soldier!" Nightmare Moon growls as she sends out a wave of magic which knocks you on your back and loosens your grip on Pinkie. "Learn your place. There will be plenty of mares for you to claim later. This one must be made an example of!" Don't say it like that! you shout as the others give you disgusted looks and you shake your head, failing to rid them of those thoughts. Nightmare looks over to Twilight with a smug look as she starts shaking Pinkie like a bully would shake stolen candy in front of a baby. Not cool LuLu! Not cool! You snarl in anger and worry for what she may do to her as you get up. Suddenly a chilling thought passes through your mind as your eyes widen in horror. Please don't tell me she'll kill her like Frieza did Krillin! The last thing we need is Super Saiyan Twilight! "GIVE US BACK PINKIE PIE!!" Rainbow Dash calls out. "As you wish." Nightmare Moon giggles sadistically before she launches Pinkie at break neck speed at Rainbow. *BONK* Pinkie collides with Rainbow Dash, dropping them both to the ground. “I can dance if I want to…I can leave my friends behind…” Pinkie Pie drunkenly sings as her head spins and Rainbow groans in pain. OH that is it! Time to initiate operation 'Heroic Sacrifice!' Come here Nimmy, give papa a hug! You are taller than this evil goddess, so you use this to your advantage and wrap her in a bear hug, with the staff holding her front legs up. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she flails in your arms. Keeping you from destroying He-M- PONIES, keeping you from destroying ponies. Prince Adam comes later...and wow you're so soft and fluffy. You can't help but nuzzle against her as she flails around. Kazuma Michishige's Comment As you struggle with Nightmare, you give Twilight a look trying to convey your meaning with your eyes. Here's your chance! By the grace of some unknown God, she manages to understand you. Her horn glows brightly as… she aims it at you and Nightmare Moon and shouts, "This is for hurting Pinkie Pie!" Your eyes widen as you realize that you're in the line of fire. Wait I meant use the Elements! *ZAP!* Jolts contort your body into a beat you haven’t danced since you whizzed on that electric fence, but this is much worse. So much worse. You end up face down on the ground, your back feels like it's burning, and breathing is hard to come by. When you open your eyes, you see silver clad hooves. "Thou art a fool," You hear Nightmare chastise you. "If thou had just obeyed me the first time, thou would have been unharmed… However, since you protected me, I shall consider this your punishment for disobedience." You feel a nuzzle against your cheek. "I shall heal you when I am finished with these mares." And then the hooves exit your line of site. Twilight you boob! You wasted your shot! You’re supposed to be Purple Smart! Smart! You’ve screwed us- “-Element of Laughter!” Twilight’s determined voice cuts through your rant. Huh? It is both difficult and painful, but you manage to lift your head up to see the mane six start floating into the air one by one. It appears Pinkie has fully regained consciousness as well, and if you weren't in pain you would let out a sigh of relief. Oh thank God canon is saved! But considering they still think I'm evil it looks like I'm going to become a lawn ornament soon. As Twilight finishes her friendship speech, and her own Tiara floats onto her head, you see the mighty Rainbow of Death begin to form. Looking towards the end of Nightmare Moon, you see her eyes light up in fear, and she glances to you as if you can do anything. As the last of your willpower leaves you and you begin to fall into darkness you shrug at her horrified face. Eh. I’ve seen this outcome like 15 times, and I hate reruns. And just as a bright flash of light fills the room, you finally pass out. SOMETIME LATER Ugh my head...what the hell hit me? Your eyes slowly open and you find yourself in a pure white room. Sighing you begin to go over a mental check list. White rooms? Check. Smell of the sick and dying? Check. Beeping of a heart monitor? Check. Yep...looks like I'm in a hospital. Oh crap, did I do a repeat of the fireworks incident? If so, I hope I don’t have to face charges. Freaking hallucinations! Shaking your head, you think back on your latest break from reality. How you lost your voice, tried to become Skeletor again, and nearly screwed up the first episode of My Little Pony. And here I just wanted to play some video games. With that thought you try to sit up from your hospital bed, but you find a pressure on your chest preventing you. You growl in annoyance as you look down and think, Okay! What is...on my...chest..?. There before you is a tiny blue filly you recognize as Luna after being Harmonized. You can feel your heart bursting from the adorableness as your heart monitor goes nuts. Ack! This is the most adorable thing ever! I'm being cuddled by a filly Luna! Heart! Can't! Handle! Cuteness! Life...fading...too...adorable...wait a minute. With the fact that Luna herself is cuddling you, you take notice how the hospital room looks off. For one thing, all the furniture is child sized. Even the bed you’re on is two of them stuck together, and even then your feet are hanging off the edge. Looking out the window, you see cottages with hay roofs that you recognize as Ponyville backgrounds. You try to speak, and once again, only silence falls. Have I finally completely lost it? Because either I’m still hallucinating big time, or all of that happened. And if that's true, then why- Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a door opening. Looking to the left where the sound came from you see... Oh find me in the alps... None other than Princess Celestia herself. The regal Alicorn stares down at you and Luna for a few moments, before she smirks. "Ah, so your finally awake. I have a few questions for you..." Oh for God's sake! I can't talk! This can only turn out well...Good luck! WHAT DO YOU DO?