"Ow. What just happened?" asked Rainbow Dash, rubbing her eyes with an ankle. Twilight and Starlight were standing right where they had been, apparently unfazed. The book rested on the Crystal Map, now closed.
"Um, Dashie?" said Pinkie Pie. "I think you have something on your forehead."
Applejack paused for a moment. "We all do, I reckon. I dunno what mine says, but y'all got a big red 'ee eks pee' there, followed by what looks like a date. Fluttershy's noggin says 'EXP 5 May 1083 A.S.', for one."
"Pinkie appears to be an exception. Hers just says 'EXP', centered right in the middle of her forehead. There's no date at all," noted Rarity.
"I'm an EXP!" said Pinkie, proudly. "That's good, right?"
"I don't see anything on Spike's forehead," said Fluttershy. "Maybe it doesn't work on dragons?"
Twilight leaned in. "No, there's something there. It looks like a very thin, wiggling red line. I have no idea what any of this means."
"Rarity and Rainbow Dash look like they have... two dates? They seem to be blinking back and forth," said Starlight Glimmer. "Oh. Oh no," she said, aghast.
Twilight looked back at her friends and gasped. Her face paled.
Applejack's eyes widened. Then she sighed, placed her hat back on, and used it to hide most of her face—including the date on her forehead. "Twilight Sparkle, please tell me this ain't what I think it is."
"What?" said Rainbow Dash, looking rapidly left and right. "What's going on?"
"Ooh! Maybe it's telling us when our favoritest birthday party will be!" said Pinkie. "No, wait. None of these are on your birthdays. Except Starlight. And that one can't be right either, unless she's WAAAY older than she says she is."
Starlight winced at Pinkie's comment, then spoke softly. "Okay. Well, I'll just say it. I think the spell is showing us the date that... we might die on," she said. "But this isn't a bad thing, necessarily!"
Rarity shrieked and passed out, muzzle thwapping hard against the Map followed by her head rolling to one side. Spike rushed clockwise past Twilight and Applejack to tend to her. Fluttershy squeaked and slipped beneath the table, while Twilight Sparkle simply grimaced.
Rainbow Dash began to sweat. "Starlight, this better not be one of those 'fate' things. Because I don't wanna know when I'm going to die! I mean, I don't even want to die!" Her hooves clattered against the Crystal Map. "I was really kinda hoping that wouldn't happen. Ever."
"I'm pretty sure nopony wants to know when they're going to croak," said Pinkie. "But... Oh my gosh you guys! We could have a huge 'going away party' the day before—no, wait, don't say it. Even I can tell that's an awful idea."
"How could Rarity die on two different dates, Twilight?" asked Spike, tears starting to form. "Does she come back to life after the first time? Please, please say yes."
Twilight Sparkle breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, this is actually good news. The fact that Rarity and Rainbow have shifting dates implies there's a recursive loop in the spell's actualization."
"Smaller horse words, please," said Applejack.
"She means we can make use of the spell to prevent your deaths from happening prematurely," said Starlight Glimmer. "The spell shows us when somepony is going to die, but the magic remains active. So if the information we get from the spell would end up preventing somepony's death, the spell updates the image. But if not seeing the original date anymore would keep us from preventing the death, it shifts back to the previous date."
"It appears to update roughly twice per second," added Twilight. "Essentially, this means Rarity and Rainbow Dash would have died early if we hadn't cast the spell."
Fluttershy peeked out from under the table. "Oh my. I guess it was a good idea to cast the spell," she said, returning to her seat. "But, um, maybe we should agree to not tell each other when we'll die, out loud? Except for me, because I already know. Eep."
Applejack kept her hat on low, but looked up from beneath the brim. "Well, we should probably deal with the oddballs first," she said. "We already pointed out Pinkie ain't got a date, and Spike's just got a line. But Twi and Star are more than a little weird too, to tell it."
Twilight and Starlight immediately looked at each other's foreheads.
"Just tell me and get it over with," said Starlight Glimmer, sighing.
"Well, huh. Judging by the negative sign, apparently you died roughly ten thousand years ago," said Twilight. "I assume you don't want specific details."
"Starlight's a zombie?!" shouted Pinkie Pie.
"Zombie ponies!" yelped Spike, the noise finally rousing Rarity from her theatrics.
"Spike, please. I have a splitting headache," Rarity said in a groggy voice. She placed a hoof on her own head and used her leg to prop it up from the Map.
"Guys, I'm pretty sure I'm not a zombie," said Starlight, frowning. "It probably just means I do some stupid time-travel thing at some point and die in the past, which definitely sounds like typical me activity. Er, is mine blinking at all?"
"Nope, solid," said Applejack. "Everypony's I can see is, 'cept Rarity, Dash, and you too Twilight. Oh, and I'm near enough to make out Spike's red line jigglin' at roughly the same pace, but it still looks like a line. And it ain't two lines bouncin' back and forth, neither. Looks more like a constant wiggle from here."
"I have two dates?" said Twilight. "Um... how much of a difference?"
"Wow. Much, much larger than a normal pony's lifespan, but less than how far off in the future both dates are," said Starlight. "Wait, it just stopped! The earlier date disappeared, but I think I still remember what it was."
"That's it!" said Twilight. "Write it down for me."
"Are you sure?" asked Starlight, immediately summoning a quill and scroll in front of her.
"Yes! Now that somepony remembers the first date I would have died on, the later one disappears. That means remembering that the first date is dangerous will help me to prevent my own death," said Twilight.
"I'm a bit confused," said Rarity, now fully up and holding a shaky hoof over the right side of her forehead where the month and year would be. "Why does the earlier date disappear just because Starlight remembers it? Shouldn't it happen after you give the information to Twilight?"
"It happens as soon as you're fated to fix the problem, Rarity," said Twilight. "Once you know enough to prevent the problem from occurring, the recursion stops and the date remains consistent."
"Right. It has nothing to do with 'free will' or anything fake and silly like that," said Starlight Glimmer, apparently not noticing the exasperated looks across the table. "Here you go, old-timer," she said to Twilight with a smirk, hoofing her a strip of the paper.
"What?! This... can't possibly be right," said Twilight, eyes wide.
"EXP 22 Aug 13077 A.S., just like it says. As long as you remember that date, you'll die millennia later," said Starlight.
Twilight frowned. "I'm not sure I even want to live this long! Maybe it's due to another timeport spell?"
"Twilight, you're probably gonna live a long time," said Applejack. "You're an alicorn now, and someday you'll get that fancy mane-wavin'-in-the-air thingy, too. I hear tell that thing comes with an extended warranty, so to speak."
"Yeah. Like, deal with it, Twi," said Rainbow Dash, narrowing her eyes. "Some of us would be thrilled to live that long. And on that note, as much as I hate to jump into this madness, you might as well do me next." Dash gritted her teeth as though she were performing a Sonic Rainboom.
"Good. It just stopped on the later date. Here's the original," said Starlight, levitating another strip of parchment across the table. "You should probably memorize the date, and keep the paper with you just in case. Actually, I'd even annotate it to avoid any unnecessary chances. Write down 'I'll die on this date unless I take precautions' or something, then keep it somewhere safe."
"Wait, what?! I was going to die twelve years from now?" said Rainbow Dash, lurching away from the paper like it was a time bomb about to go off. "Okay, I guess I'm happy you cast the spell after all."
"I still ain't," said Applejack.
"Hay!" said Rainbow Dash, looking very hurt. "You want me to die? I can't believe that, AJ. I won't believe it."
"Of course not! I don't want you to die, sugarcube. But I'd still prefer it if we never knew any of this nonsense to begin with. Everypony gotta die someday. That's just the way it works. It's life."
Fluttershy shook her head. "I'm sorry, Applejack, but I'm afraid I disagree. In this case, knowing was a good thing. We've saved two lives already, and three once we fix Rarity."
"Well, we've extended them a good deal, anyway," said Twilight. "At least, I don't think mine counts as 'saved' if I've already lived an obscenely long period of time in the first place. Still, the sentiment is shared, and thank the Stars we prevented Dash from dying early on us. Rarity, I think you're next."
Rarity closed her eyes and sighed. "If I must," she said, then removed her hoof.
"Oh, now that's interesting," said Starlight, with a sly smile. "It looks like the nearer date is already gone. Did somepony here memorize it already?"
"I didn't memorize it, but I remember it was only a few years from now," said Spike.
Rarity gasped in horror, and then her face hardened into a scowl. "Well, that does it! I am getting a complete physical done, ASAP, with magic scans and all the bells and whistles. Plus a teat-cancer screening, even though I'm not nearly old enough for that sort of thing," said Rarity.
"Oh! I get it," said Pinkie Pie, bouncing in her throne. "We didn't need to know the exact date, we just had to know enough about how soon it was to convince Rarity to take precautions!"
"Whereas for Rainbow Dash and Twilight, it looks like the date holds some kind of special significance," said Starlight.
"Then what's up with Pinkie and me—" Spike began to say. Just then, a trio of screams cut through the air, pulling everypony's attention. The shrieks were coming from the direction of Ponyville.
"Oh, right. The area of effect," said Starlight Glimmer, with a sheepish fake smile. "Um, we should probably do something about that. Like, right now."
Suddenly, Applejack stood up, eyes wide, and adjusted her hat. "Twi, you know I hate to bail on you, but with your permission, I gotta get to the farm. Like, yesterday."
"Yes, of course. You're free to go. Good luck, AJ," said Twilight.
Rainbow Dash looked up at Applejack's forehead as she turned around. "Whoa! How do you live so long, AJ?"
Applejack blushed in response. "Longevity's an Apple trait, I suppose. Well... usually, anyhow." She pulled her hat forward to hide the date, which made her look more than a little silly. Pinkie giggled as Applejack galloped out of the throne room.
Rarity watched Applejack dashing off with a curious look on her face. "Twilight, I feel it may be prudent to find a way to cover up these terrible things on our faces," she said, fussing with her mane. Then her eyes brightened. "Oh! I have the most delightful idea. I presently have several bolts of fabric upstairs in one of the guest rooms. I was planning to make draperies for the castle, but most of hues I brought with me look simply dreadful against the crystal the castle tree is grown from."
"Oh, I get it," said Spike. "We can cut the extra fabric into strips, so ponies could tie them on as headbands. Nice thinking, Rarity."
"Yeah, well... sorry to bring this up, Rarity, but you're going to have to be more specific than 'dreadful' for us to know which colors you want to sacrifice. We don't all have your eye for fashion here," said Rainbow Dash.
Rarity rolled her eyes dramatically. "My goodness. Well, I'll make it simple, then. Anything between salmon and drab olive, feel free to shred."
"That's very generous of you, Rarity," said Starlight Glimmer.
"A fish and a fruit? Are those supposed to be colors, or what?" asked Rainbow Dash. Rarity tossed her an icy stare.
"I'm pretty sure I know what Rarity means," said Fluttershy. "I'll go take care of it in a moment."
"Ooh, and I can help!" said Pinkie Pie. "I'm really good at ripping things into pieces."
Rarity smiled at both of them, but the smile fell quickly. "Twilight, would you mind terribly if I went directly to Ponyville General?" she asked. "I'd rather not take any chances at this point, regardless as to what this garish mark on my forehead might presuppose."
Twilight nodded. "No, please, go right ahead. Try to explain the situation to them, because they may have sick ponies with only a short time remaining. Have everypony there cover up the dates on their foreheads, if you can. The hospital should have plenty of bandages that will work for that purpose. After we handle the rest of Ponyville, we'll do the hospital separately," she said. Rarity nodded, then carefully adjusted her mane to hide her forehead before trotting out the door.
Spike began jogging after her, but stopped short when Twilight continued, "Wait, Spike. I need my number-one assistant here, with me. Go sound the trumpet for an announcement. Everypony else, hang out downstairs near the entrance until I've finished addressing the town."
Spike sighed. "Right, fine," he said glumly from the hallway entrance, then shifted his course toward the foyer stairs.
"Looks like this is going to be a long day," said Starlight Glimmer, shaking her head. "I'm sorry about all this, everypony. I still think it was the right decision, but—"
"Eh, don't be," said Rainbow Dash, standing up and spreading her wings in a triumphant-looking pose as a smile crossed her muzzle. "Today, the eight of us are gonna kick death's butt."