//------------------------------// // 3. Brilliant Flashes of the Obvious // Story: Thoughtletts // by Georg //------------------------------// Thoughtletts (Insert brilliant quote here) From Posh’s story about Owls and their eating habits https://www.fimfiction.net/story/379859/the-eating-habits-of-the-genus-strix Once Spike had been chased off to other chores and Owlowicious had returned to his perch to sleep off the bloody meal, Twilight Sparkle took a few minutes to check out the damages.  It really was not all that bad, since she had a spell to remove blood from fabric and had gotten quite a bit of practice with it due to the Crusader's tendency to run inside the library⁽*⁾  for medical treatment after any of their plans went sideways.  She swept the leftover fur into the trash, mended a tiny rip in the chair's lining, and went outside to where the trash was put until collection day.  Ostensibly, her task was for disposal, but as long as she was out there, she took a quick peek inside the rat tunnel that had been chewed into the library roots and counted the inhabitants. (*) Twilight tried to think of her 'patching-up' sessions more as basic anatomy lessons for the CMC than attempts to hide evidence of illicit mark-gaining activities from overprotective siblings. As she suspected, there was one missing. "Stupid owl," she muttered under her breath.  "Hunt in your own territory.  I was saving that one for a special occasion.  Now I'll need to talk to Fluttershy again about getting a replacement."  She heaved a sigh and returned to the library, considering just what other dietary changes she had undergone since she became a princess. From Kudzu’s Foalsitting Follies where everything seems to be going just fine https://www.fimfiction.net/story/373304/foalsitting-follies Twilight Sparkle looked out from the balcony on her castle, with her head pointing slightly down and a thoughtful expression, but she was not reading a book.  She was, it seemed to Seville, as if she was looking at nothing at all.  He didn't want to ask, but eventually, he had to slip up next to her and say the words that most certainly would lead to disaster. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," said Twilight almost immediately.  "It's just quiet.  Too quiet."  She paused for a moment as if waiting for an explosion in the distance.  "It never gets this quiet unless something terrible is about to happen." "Oh."  Seville joined her in looking down into the quiet streets of Ponyville, lit in shades of gold and red by the setting sun.  Finally, he opened his mouth again and said, "Don't worry.  Nothing could possibly go wrong." That earned him a fierce glare, but as it was not followed by explosions or fire, Twilight eventually responded, "At least we're not being invaded." Still nothing happened, so Seville responded, "Good thing, too.  I'm only a day away from retirement." That earned a sniffle-snort from Twilight and a shake of her head.  "Oh, you are so on.  Ahem!"  She held one hoof across her chest and announced in her best Royal fashion, "Nothing exciting ever happens in Ponyville." "Of course not," said Seville.  "We're perfectly safe here." "Now I possess the ultimate power," announced Twilight with a growing giggle.  "Nothing can stop me now!" With both of them helpless from giggles, it took Spike a few minutes to gain their attention.  He stood for a while in the doorway, holding a plunger, until the two of them were able to speak. "The toilet's plugged up again and I can't get it unstuck," he announced.  "Would Miss Ultimate Power or Mister Retirement care to take a plunge at it?" From a comment about cost overruns in The One Who Got Away https://www.fimfiction.net/story/284135/the-one-who-got-away Celestia remained looking up into the sky with her lips pulled into a thin line for a long, long time before saying a single word. "Why?" "Why, what, Your Highness?" asked the representative from Hockheed.  Getting no further clarification, he added, "It's a state of the art F-35 Pegasus Carrier, with bunking and munitions capacity for a full squadron of Royal Guard to be deployed for up to seven weeks at a time, just as it said in the proposal.  Is there something wrong with it, Your Highness?" "It's a cloud."  Celestia remained looking up into the sky, but her lips thinned more into a frown, a terrible expression indeed for the quaking representative.  "An inferior cloud you probably got out of Cloudsdale's seconds bin.  I can see through sections of it." "Viewports," prompted the representative.  "Very expensive." "Two point seven billion bits," said Celestia.  "Two point six billion of which just recently seem to have started on a journey to several offshore banks, into accounts of the Hockheed Executive Board of Directors.  The prosecutions will take weeks out of my schedule."  She turned to the sweating representative, who for lack of wings could not fly away, but looked like he was trying with all of his might to go through a sudden evolutionary spurt to become the first Alicorn of Panic.  Two hefty Royal Guards in golden armor appeared as if by magic to his sides at Celestia's short nod, and she turned away, calling over her shoulder. "These two gentlecolts will take you to a nice, comfortable cell with a member of our investigative team.  If you are very cooperative, you might see the sun again before you have a long, white beard." "Thank you!" called out the representative.  He took several shuddering breaths until Celestia had passed out of sight, then turned to the two impassive pegasi.   "Can I get a cell with a south window?" From Fuzzyfurvert’s blog post on bad clop stories https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/742449/there-is-too-much-clop So tempted to write a non-clop clop story to perplexulate people. "So, how did you like it?"  Twilight Sparkle's eager face was far too close for Rarity's comfort, particularly after having only read the first chapter of her new story.  Her particularly specific story, written with the greatest attention to detail and research, which was one thing Rarity was determined not to think about. Oh, drat.  Now I can't get that mental image out of my mind. "It seems," started Rarity in an effort to restart her brain, "quite seriously written.  And with quite an advanced vocabulary.  For example, what is this word here?" Rarity pointed.  Twilight explained.  Rarity decided at that point not to ask for any more dictionary definitions of the remaining words she had skipped over. "It was... good," she said instead.  "Although I can't help but wonder why you chose to follow the... act to the fertilization and implantation.  Or just why the mare in this case can feel the actual fertilized egg attach to the inside of her uterus.  If that were actually the case, there would be a lot less doubt about the nature of fertility, and the sale of pregnancy tests would be almost nil." From Daddy Celestia’s chapter in Scrambled Serenity.  Yet more egg-based humor. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/376088/scrambled-serenity "Your Highness?"  The look on the Royal Guard's face could only be described as 'Royal Perplexion,' a facial expression they had become more used to over the last few years.  "Is there a particular reason..."  He trailed off and took a nervous glance behind him. "Go on," encouraged Celestia.  "Discord went home several minutes ago." "Oh, thank Celestia," said the guard in an explosion of relaxed breath.  "Not that I'm thanking you for... um...  Well, there's this... thing in the throne room." "A thing," said Celestia with the measured pace of somepony quite used to pulling answers out of ponies one small fragment at a time. "Yes.  It's a...  Well, your throne is gone.  Well, not gone so much as....  Well, replaced," finished the guard.  "With a nest." "A nest?" asked Celestia with renewed interest.  "A rather large nest, say for example alicorn sized, with a depression in the middle the size of a large egg?" "Yes," said the guard,  sounding considerably relieved.  "And a big sign over it with an arrow pointing down at the egg that says..."  The guard stopped and licked his lips nervously.  "Place Royal Fundament Here." "Oh, that's perfectly... normal," said Celestia, considering how the value of 'normal' had changed in her life.  "Is that all?" "No, Your Highness."  The guard fidgeted and looked over his shoulder again.  "Princess Luna was wondering how long she had to sit on it until it was your turn." From Estee’s discovery of a counterfeit $100 bill https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/737040/breaking-ben-what-do-you-do-with-a-counterfeit-100#page/2 You know, there's a story lurking in here Funny Money Applejack is closing up her apple stand and discovers a counterfeit bit.  Panics. RD saunters along.  Thinks it's cool.  Wants to prank with it. Flutters shows.  Major league panic.  In terror. Princess Twilight shows (because all her friends seem to be gathering) Manages to out-panic Flutters.  Punishment for counterfeiting is major. Rarity shows.  Attempts to calm.   Says she had several large purchases today.  Did not see any there.  Doubt begins to raise its head.  A big panic begins the feedback loop. Pinkie Pie bounces in, picks up the counterfeit, drops a real bit in its place, peels off the gold foil and eats the chocolate.  "I was wondering where I put that."  Bounces away. Dear Princess Celestia Today I learned not to panic over small things.  One of my friends found what we thought was a counterfeit bit, and we got all worked up over it, only to find out it was not what we thought it was. Your fellow princess Twilight Sparkle Epilogue Crew of Royal Guard pegasi break into the castle, haul Twilight and Spike away in chains while they search the place. From the Writer’s Group on Amulet usage https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/319090/on-amulet-usage-in-equestria “Behold your doom, Princess Twilight,” cackled Trixie, waving one hoof for emphasis while thunder rumbled in the background. “Cut that out, Rainbow Dash!” shouted Twilight up into the clouds.  “You’re just encouraging her.”  Lowering her voice, Twilight Sparkle turned back to the flamboyant performer, who was wearing her traditional magician’s cape and hat, only festooned with half of Pinkie Pie’s glitter supply.  “What is it this time, Trixie?” “Princess Trixie,” cackled Trixie.  “Once I have revealed my greatest creation, you will shake in fear, tremble with anticipation, and be stricken dumb with terror.  Behold!”  With one sweep of her hoof, Trixie removed the silk cloth cover from the platter she was carrying, and Twilight Sparkle cringed back in fear. “No!” she cried.  “It’s not possible!  Nopony could possibly—” “Not just any pony!” declared Trixie.  “For only an alicorn could vanquish… The Alicorn Omelette!” “So much cheese,” murmured Twilight.  “And… are those mushrooms?” From a comment on the proofreading group that… um… you’ll see. https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group/thread/316930/active-the-awakening-of-a-kaiju-sex-mature-adventure-crossover-alternate-universe-anthro-original-character You have a fic with Kaiju tagged sex.  The mind boggles. Lieutenant Smith stood on the Manhattan seawall with his binoculars, observing the incoming monsters out in the harbor.  Well, he was observing, but he wasn't too sure about the 'in' part of the observation.  Still, there was really nothing he could do, particularly when the voice of General Barstow was filtering up the stairwell behind him. "Lieutenant," he barked once he reached the top of the stairs.  "Report!" "Four Kaiju out in the harbor sir."  Smith decided to leave it at that and hold out his binoculars. "How soon do you estimate they'll reach the wall?" said Barstow, still leaning up against the nearby doorway and panting  from the climb. "Um.  That depends."  Smith took another look over his shoulder, then a second look.  For giant monsters the size of large buildings, they certainly were flexible. "Depends on what?"  Barstow straightened up and looked out into the harbor with a squint. "On how long their mating season is, sir," said Smith.  "Would you like to use the binoculars?" From Estee’s comments on banking https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/730011/origin-of-an-unworkable-idea-dont-count-your-bits-because-theres-a-fee-for-that "You want me to guard your bank?" Silver Certificate nodded, his long white mane making a nearly hypnotic bobbing.  "Yes, of course.  You're a strong young lad who prefers an inside job with little manual lifting.  You've even got the cutie mark for it," he added, pointing at Early Withdraw's moneybag mark. "But that's for taking money from other ponies," said Early rather slowly. "What do you think a bank does?" asked Silver Certificate.  "We take money from ponies and keep it for them while loaning it out to ponies with and charging more interest for the ones who need a loan.  Borrow at two, lend at three, go home at four is what my grandfather always said." Oliver’s statistics https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/730463/statistics-3-the-seven-elements-of-harmony The main question still remaining unresolved: Is the Element of Courage vodka or bourbon?  Testing must be done. Twilight Sparkle carefully measured two more doses with a graduated cylinder, then pass them over to her two experimental subjects.  Big Mac chugged his down, but Caramel looked cross-eyed at his and blurted out, "What are we doing again?" "I told you six times already," huffed Twilight.  "Seeing how much alcohol it takes to overcome your fear of asking Fluttershy out for a date.  Now, drink up."  She turned to Big Mac, only to find him muzzle-down on the table and snoring, a pose which Caramel adopted a few second later. "Darnit," she muttered, wadding up her observation notes.