//------------------------------// // Of Sssnakesss and Poniesss // Story: A Marty Stu invades the Multiverse (Chess Game of the Gods) // by Keairan //------------------------------// I wake up the next morning, noting a warm tickling sensation against my abdomen. I look down, and see Violet snuggled up against me, cozy as can be. I gently disentangle myself from her, and exit my tent to begin my morning exercises. Trying to figure out the proper stride for my new "legs" I go through all my forms. Boar rushed down hill shifted into arc of the moon. Courtier taps his fan shifted into boar rushes down the mountain. More and more forms pass through, leading up to a fencer's salute, and then sheathing my saber. "Wow." Comes from some distance behind me. "I don't think I've ever seen such grace before." "Really? That'ss too bad. I've watched real blademassterss go through the formss before, and it's enough to make one cry. I'm a disstorted reflection comparatively." I reply back. "They're better than you? How? Shouldn't experience trump most everything in a fight?" She asks, confused. "It doess give me sseveral trickss that more inexperienced sswordssman don't know, but thosse trickss all have glaring flawss, which a true blademasster would usse to put a few extra holess in oness body. Thing iss, I'm jusst not fasst enough to be a true masster of physical martial artss." I reply evenly. "Physical... wait, your magic, duh." She giggles "I'm such a silly filly for forgetting." "Eh, not really. You really aren't ussed to sspeciess bessidess unicornss able to usse 'magic'." I then toss my sheathed saber off to the side, then get in the stream, cleaning off the sweat from my workout and the night before. "Feel free to bathe in the sstream. It's no hot bath, but it sshould make you feel like a new mare." She limps over to the stream, dips her hoof in, and gulps. The water is quite cold, but I can see the idea of being clean is an appealing one to her. She backs up, then hobbles into the deeper part of the stream. I can see her starting to swim about, and can hear her softly nickering. "It's so cold! How can you stand this? Aren't snakes cold blooded!?" "I don't think I am. I do fine in cold temperaturess from what I can tell. Plus, it'ss refresshing after working out. Hot water iss still better, though." With that, she climbs out of the stream, and begins to shake herself off. Her fur, mane and tail all frizz out horribly. "It'ss a good thing you don't have a ssocial obligation to get to today. You're just a tad... um, frizzy." I say trying not to laugh. She walks over to the stream, and finds a pool that manages to reflect her. "My goodness. Not going to be playing for Coltegie Hall looking like this." "Eeeyup." With that statement, I get out of the stream and shake myself off as well. Drying off quickly, I decide to start packing up everything as quickly as possibly, only leaving out the horn, and the now filled canteens. We eat quickly, Violet no longer ravenous, but sensing my urgency to get on the road. She hops up on my back, and off we go, me telling stories of my past. ***** ...A few hours later. I had decided I was only going to tell her the funnier and happy stories of what I'd gone through. One of which was an instance of Equestria that insisted on having everything gender swapped. "... Sso I woke up, and did my normal sself-check of my body, making ssure I'm not ssome new, awkward sspeciess. I first notice my handss, and then note I can feel my legss flexing normally for a human. I then try and sstand up, and notice that my center of gravity hass shifted, and sshifted extremely weirdly. I look down at my body, and I notice that I now have boobs. And I'm not jusst talking normal A or B cupss, I'm talking E cups, the big oness." "Boobs? Cups? A, B, E?" Violet, who is sitting on my back, probably with an absolutely confused expression on her face, judging by her tone of voice. I smile sheepishly, then explain. "Boobss are one of the sslang termss humanss use to refer to a female'ss mammary glandss. Cup ssize refers to what ssize bra they have to wear, which is a ssupportive garment for said mammariess. A,B, and E are letterss in the alphabet from where I'm originally from." "Oh... I guess that makes sense. Why do I have a feeling researchers would love to get at your brain?" She says with what sounded like a smirk. "Becausse they would. Anywayss, I sstart to freak out. I'm only about three-thousand years old at this point, and haven't dealt with a lot of transsformationss. I ssaid 'I'm a chick! I'm a chick! Oh god! I'm a chick!'" I chuckled, remembering that awkward moment. "Anywayss, a hyperactive pink sstallion showss up right next to me, and ssayss 'You are the weirdesst looking baby chicken I've ever sseen.' At this point, I faint." "Wait, you fainted? At seeing a pink pony?" "Well, it was sseeing Pinkie Pie, who I've know in other realities, as a Sstallion. That was more than a little awkward. Anyways, I come to, and get introduced to Ponyville, 'cept it was gender-sswapped." I stop for a moment, noting that I was talking with my s's less pronounced. Guess I'm getting more used to talking around a freaking snake tongue. "Many laughss were had when I accidentally called sseveral different ponies by their names I know normally." "I moved into a house out near the Everfree Foresst, because, frankly, unnatural weather patternss and animals like what the pony landss have tend to make me uncomfortable." "Unnatural?" The confusion in Violet's voice was thick enough to be cut with a knife. "Unnatural. Terra, and most worldss for that matter, have weather and animalss that take care of themsselvess. In certain worldss the weather is affected by what ssapientss do, but all worlds outside of the pony worlds have animalss that are completely capable of living without outsside interference." A pebble shifts innocuously elsewhere. "Ah, I see." "Anywayss, back to my sstory. I was in town one day, when I sspotted an abssolutely gorgeouss unicorn mare. Her name was Sstar Night, and she had an indigo mane and a light charcoal coat." I slightly sighed at the remembrance. "Wait, you fell for a pony while you were human?" She said, sounding slightly squicked. "Yess, I figured if I was willing to date out of my sspeciess when I didn't look like my sspeciess, it was beyond hypocritical of me to not date out of my species when I did look like my sspeciess." "Interesting. Continue, please." "We sstarted going out, and were having a great time. One evening, we decided to go out, and I over-indulged on alcohol, which, as I've told you, iss a bit of a weaknesss of mine." "Mmmm-hmmm." "Anywayss, I got blitzed, and wass able to temporarily cancel out my memory wissh. About a month and a half later, I noticed that I couldn't channel as eassily, but thought nothing of it. I hadn't noticed that I was no longer menstruating. What with being a male for forever and a day, that's something you just don't think about. Anyways, I kept on getting thesse weird cravingss, and being oddly moody and such. I finally figured out that I wass pregnant." "You.. got pregnant. "Yup." "With a foal." "Human'ss generally call them babiess, but your sstatement iss half-right." "What. The. Hay?" "As soon ass I figured out I wass pregnant, and I had only been with my marefriend to my knowledge, I started to interrogate everyone, trying to figure out who the father wass. I assked pretty much every sstallion in town, making ssure that they were not, in fact, the father. Turnss out, I should've just assked Sstar Night. Sshe told me 'Oh, I jusst cast the spell that allowss a couple of mares to have a foal on you. It'ss not uncommon, and you did assk.'" By this point Violet is doing her best to breathe she's laughing so hard, while I'm chuckling myself. "Anywayss, I tell her 'Why didn't you tell me you casst that on me? I've been going nutss trying to figure out who the daddy iss.' She replied to me 'You where the one who assked me, I asssumed you knew.' 'You know I don't remember ssquat when drunk.' 'True.' 'Oh well, at leasst that ansswerss the question about whether or not you'll help me with the baby.'" I hear a "d'awwww" behind me, which I can't help but smile at. "Sso I kept getting bigger and bigger, and the doctors who examined me asssumed I was having twins, one human kid and one foal. The foal wass male and they couldn't figure out what gender the other one wass. So I tell Sstar 'We're naming the foal Sleipnir, and there iss nothing you can ssay to change my mind.' She lookss at me, then concedess the point, as sshe knows I can eassily wrap her up in flowss of air and tickle her till she begss for mercy." "Sso here I am, about eight months pregnant, heading to Ponyville, and suddenly a female Pinkie Pie popss up randomly. I sshrug and move on, not really worried about it at the time. I finally come to Sugarcube corner, and I notice that Berry Blitz, or male Pinkie Pie, iss in the shop. It takes me a moment, but then I realize that there are now two party ponies in Ponyville, and you'll never guesss what I wass thinking." "What were you thinking." Oh look, a apocalypse I didn't cause. "Oh look, a dissaster I didn't causse. And It'ss going to have cake! Unfortunately, I didn't get my cake, something about the female harmony members needing to return to their world. They also didn't destroy Ponyville, either." "Sso I get into my tenth month, which is extremely abnormal for human women, as we have nine month pregnanciess, when the baby decidess it wantss to show up. I'm laying in a hosspital bed, doing my abssolute best to crussh Sstar'ss hoof with one of my handss. I was in labor for just over sseventeen hourss, and I gave birth to a healthy centaur foal, baby, whatever type thing. None of uss, of coursse, were expecting a centaur, just twinss. The afterbirth is dealt with, and I got the unique experience of nurssing my kid." "I'd say it was." Violet says, slightly uncomfortable. "Sso Ssleipnir grew, and grew, and grew, topping out at about seven feet tall. Amazing what geneticss will do for you, geness for a long torso attached to a pony basse. He wass ssuch a nice boy, too." "So that's what a centaur is." A moment of silence, and then Violet caught my statement. "Wait, was?" "I outlived him, which iss fairly common. He couldn't channel, sso his lifetime, while long for a human, wass sshort for a channeler. He died of old age at one-hundred and twenty." My voice was hollow, seemingly defeated. "I'm sorry. It must hurt to bury your children. But why would being able to channel lengthen your life?" She asked in a sympathetic tone." "Thosse who can channel live for a long time, about ten times ass long ass a normal human. And before you ask, the Elementss of Harmony shortened my lifesspan in that firsst world. I'm guesssing if I couldn't channel, I would've lived for at mosst a year after taking that hit." I could hear a mouth closing at that statement, my ability to predict shutting off her train of thought. Wanting to change the mood away from where it had gone, I decide to say what I'd been thinking for a while. "Sso anywayss, I admit I'm getting tired of jusst walking like thiss, and like I keep ssaying, I'm worried about that leg. How do you feel about heightss?" Depending on her answer, she was going to get to experience something awesome, along with shortening this trip a great deal. "I'm fine with heights. I used to go cliff diving as a filly." She asks in a confused manner. "How do you feel about hang-gliding?" "Always wanted to try, but where are you going with this?" With that, I took hold of saidin, and channeled two solid wings over my body. "I will sstrap you down to my tail, and I'll make gatewayss to get us into the air. This sshould cut our travel time dramatically." I was able to make a gateway that only displaced in the z direction extremely easily, only two minutes of familiarization needed. Something about only changing one coordinate, I would guess. "Wait! Wait! Can't you test this out first?" She wailed. "Oh, I know thiss workss, done it sseveral times as a human. Thiss will be fun." With that said, I channeled to make a rectangular gateway, something like eight feet tall and thirty-two feet wide. I was planning on adding wingspan after getting through. Even I have limits on how big I can make a gateway, and three hundred square feet was the absolute maximum unaided. I get a 'running' start, and form larger wings as parts of the hang-glider pass through. "Stop! Stop! Put me down!" She's screaming now. I feel guilty at doing this to her, but I wanted that leg healed asap. We've passed through the gateway, and starting to soar through the air. I tie off the weaves holding together the glider, then close the gateway. We're about a klick off the ground, a survivable fall for my passenger, not so much for me. We float above the ground, probably moving about fifty klicks per, and as we soar, a veritable city appears in front of me. Wow, a ponified Chicago. Hooftington equals Chicago, who knew? At least this one isn't a fucking death trap. I see a lake, and decide that's as good a landing area as any. "Hey Violet?" This snaps her out of her muttering to herself, hugging my back for all she's worth. "What!" She asks angrily. "I'm going to do a water landing. We sshouldn't really have to sswim for it, but thought you might like to know before we got wet. Hold on tight!" As we come closer to the city, I accidentally ran into a large thermal, shooting us up into the air. A white male pegasus happens to spot us as we rise on the thermal. The expression on his face as we glided past was priceless, and I wish I could've spared the concentration to laugh at him, but trying to land took all of my concentration. "Hey you! What are you doing with that pony!" I glance back, and spot the armor on the pegasus. Oh goody, one of the guard. "Trying to land!" I yell back, but it's lost in the wind. "Release her, monster!" He yells as he alights from the ground. "Be happy to, give me a minute!" Once again, my reply is lost. The stallion comes by, the back draft of his wings making the hang-glider wobble in the air. "Ssstop that!" I yell out, the stallion finally hears that. "No." He buffets the glider again, causing it to buck and yaw. "Ssseriousssly, ssstop, you'll make us crasssh!" I'm grabbing the source at this point, but not sure what to do. "Let go!" His final fly-by causes the glider to tip on edge, and we begin to plummet. "Aaaahhh!!!" Violet's screaming, understandably, but does not help my concentration. I manage to get the glider out of it's free-fall at about twenty meters above the water. I also notice I'm about two-hundred meters away from the lake's edge. That's not going to happen, guess we go for plan b. I grab Violet with the power, bring her to my front, and then proceed to wrap myself around her as gently but firmly as I can. I then detach us from the glider, and throw up the best shield I can around us. We bounce along the surface of the water, and then hit the beach, which we continue to bounce along. After bouncing about one-hundred and twenty meters along the beach, we come to a complete stop. "Urrrgh" That noise coming from Violet sends a surge of relief along the edges of the void. "You okay, Violet?" I feel multiple bruises up and down my body, but nothing that felt major. The only reason I'm not bleeding out right now is because I can channel. is what goes through my emotionless mind. "Bruised, but I should be alright if I don't go hang-gliding again any time soon. Thanks for listening to me, by the way." She gives me a look that would've made most back away. I do nothing but take it, because what's she going to do, glare me to death? We got ourselves together, and I made sure I still had everything in my pack, which, thankfully, I still did, then started to head towards the city. I still hadn't let go of the source, not wanting to go into a potential ambush unprepared, as the stallion had disappeared. "Hopefully that'ss the lasst bit of excitement for the day, though I wouldn't bet on it." I say with a resigned sigh. "Hop up on my back." "I'll be so glad when I don't have to do this anymore. This is so demeaning." She says with a sigh of her own. I'm being ridden by a creature that greatly resembles a species that humans domesticated to carry burdens, and she's the one who feels demeaned? That's it! I'm going to glue her hoof to something once she recovers, and then I'm going to tickle her until she begs for mercy! And apparently plotting petty revenge doesn't necessarily need to be emotional. We stop outside of the city, a mixed force of the city guard, headed up by that annoying white pegasus is there to greet us. "Stop where you stand, monster!" The stallion yells out. I continue onwards, and let out some cold anger. "I'm sslithering, not sstanding, you dumbasss. As for the monster bit, at leasst I haven't nearly killed two travelerss today, one of which iss looking for medical attention." The desire to turn the pegasus into ash is so great I can barely control it, but I wasn't going to take much more. "Stop where you slither, then sir." This bloke reminds me of most cops I've met. Drunk on power, and just hoping to be able to use it on some poor fool. I almost hope he's dumb enough to attack me. "I take it your passsenger is the one who dessiress medical attention?" The stallion asks. "Yess, but I don't trusst you not to accidentally kill her, so I'll take her there mysself. Now if you would be sso kind as to give me directionss, we will be on our way." My voice could have frozen steel, but I did not care. "I will escort you there myself. The lack of trust is mutual." The stallion has the face of a thundercloud at this point. I'd wager he also had the intelligence of one. "After you." The stallion then flies at a pace I can keep up with. "What do you think you are doing!?" Violet hisses at me. "Angering the guard can have serious consequences." "For them, or for me?" I ask blithely. "Yes, but mostly for you." She spits back. "And yet the conssequencess of angering me to the point of action would be far worsse." I wait a beat, then say "I might do ssomething drasstic, like cry." I decide to take a look at Violet's expression at this last statement. To say that it's funny is the understatement of the day. I let go of the source, and start to laugh. "Why are you laughing, creature." "Oh, nothing that a planarian like you would undersstand." He looks at me, puzzled, then started to fly along. "What's a planarian?" Violet whispers to me. "It's a microscopic worm" I whisper back. After about four blocks, we finally reach the hospital, where a wheelchair was waiting for Violet. "We heard something about somepony needing medical attention?" One of the medical ponies asks. "The mare riding on me has a passtern that has healed wrong. Looks like it was set that way on purpose. It's the rear-left." I spouted off in my best medicalese, which isn't that suited for equines. "Marty, I could've told them myself." Violet mildly whines to me. "Ssure you could've, hon. I jusst happened to beat you to it." I wince when I say beat, thinking about what's happened to her lately. The medical staff, completely ancillary to my conversation with Violet, look at each other, impressed with even the slight knowledge I'd shown. "I'm Doctor Morphine, and we'll get that hoof back in working order in no time." A unicorn doctor with a syringe for a cutie mark says. I'm sure you will, also, please don't get my charge hooked on pain medicine. Your name just screams overmedicating. With that, the doctor lifts Violet off my back and places her in the wheelchair, then wheels her inside. I then turn to the guard that had finally landed. I grab the source, and weave a ward against eavesdropping over the two of us. I then look over at the guard and smile. "Ssir, thank you for esscorting us to the hosspital, but, if you ever endanger anyone who I take ass a charge ever again, I will make sure you spend every waking moment sscreaming for the resst of your sshort life. Do you undersstand me?" "How dare you threaten one of the guard! The Princesses and the guard would-" "The Princesssess would be angry at me, but if I actually truly ussed my power, they would back off in a heartbeat. One doess not kill gods and then be intimidated by two goddesssess that have likely not sseen combat in a millennium. You are nothing, and my wrath would be jusstified." I have no desire to get in a fight, and I opened my mouth. Shit, I'm going to have to use compulsion on the bastard. I wove a light weave of compulsion on him, then said "Tell no one of this converssation, thiss is between you and me." With that, I unwove my wards, then let go of the power. The guard was glaring at me, but left. I then look over at one of the medical staff, and asked in a perfectly friendly tone "Are friendss of the patient allowed insside, even if they aren't poniess?" The earth pony who I asked looked at me confused, probably wondering why he couldn't hear my conversation with that guard, then says "Yes, follow me and I'll take you to the waiting area for the osteology department. Your friend is lucky, we have one of the best hoof surgeons in Equestria in-house here at Hoofington Memorial." "That's good to know. I would've re-broke and healed her leg myself, but sshe didn't want to do the re-breaking without pain medication." I say contemplatively. "Wait, you would've healed her?" The medical pony asked. "I healed all her other injuriess, why not her hoof?" I say, not thinking about the lack of active magic in non-unicorns. "Her other injuries?" He asks. "She had other injuriess, but HIPAA preventss me from dissclossing that information." I say with finality. "Hip-pa?" He looks absolutely confused. "Doctor patient confidentiality. I don't dissclose detailss of the patientss casse without their conssent or a court order." "You're a doctor?" If the expression of confusion on his face grew anymore, I think he'd turn into the eighth Endless, Disorientation... Or would that just be an avatar off Delirium. Moot point "I'm a lot of thingss. I'm not jusst a weird ssnake thing." Or not just a Yuan-Ti. "Oh, okay. Lets get you to the waiting area." "Besst Idea I've heard all day. Better than my idea to hang-glide here, but then again, no one told me that Idiot McJerkface was patrolling the skies around Hoofington. Anywayss, pleasse ignore my rambling." I mentally facepalmed, but that's what happens when I get stressed. "Here we are sir, and they should have the operation done within a few hours." "Good to know. I'll take a nap while I wait." ***** Author's Notes That was a whirlwind chapter, if I do say so myself. I admit that this is my attempt at humor writing, which I don't have a great deal of experience with... I don't have a whole lot of experience writing period, who am I kidding. Anyways, I'm going to be phasing out the snake speak, because it's frankly annoying to write. Hope you folks enjoyed reading this chapter.