//------------------------------// // Central: Phoenix Kills An Unimportant Character // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// Now No idea where we are, but if I thought about it, it would probably piss me off Sporks pelted the tram, pinging off it, some landing inside the carriage itself. Although none of them impaled Dan and friends, a couple landed on them and scalded. "Gahh!" Dan yelled, a spork singeing his hair, "One of you, return fire!!" "Okay!" Blast Fuse grabbed one of the pulse rifles and held it up to fire from cover. A spork struck it, knocking it out of her hooves and sending it clattering down the tracks behind him. She lowered her hooves and stared at them. "Well... at least an offering has been made to the Spork-god. Maybe she will accept it and cease her vengeance." Dan growled, continuing to be pelted with spoons. "There are no gods in the tube of evil. How are we gonna stop her, catch her and then pummel her? Think, people, think!" Phoenix's eyes gleamed with cartoony sinister sparkles. "We could create a shield from the sporks. Yes, and as Silver Spork keeps shooting spoons at us, we continue adding to it, until it reaches her! Or we create a tube... that changes the trajectory of the spoons, firing them right back at her! Heheh-haHAA!!" (*Car alarm sound, building being demolished, footage of Edgeworth, Gumshoe, Ryu, Doctor Strange, and Gozilla racing on Yoshis in the Kentucky Derby while ponies cheer in the stands*) "I like where your heads at, Nicky." "I am confused and a bit concerned by the inner dialogue line," Powdy said. "Me too," Fusey added. "Also, it's Silver Spoon and she's shooting sporks at us. You got them mixed up." "Did I?" Phoenix said, turning to the mare. "Or is that exactly what she wanted me to think? Are you working for her?" The lawyer's hair strangely began to resemble Dan's. Powdey held Fusey tight, hiding under her sister's left wing. "I'm afraid now." "It's okay, girls. Nicky is only beginning to tap into his Jerk-powers." "Those don't exist." Dan continued, "He must learn to control them, focus them." "Stahp." "I will teach him the ways of Jerkjutsu to balance his energy, the Dantra that flows through him." Fusey and Powdy shivered together, holding each other tight. "I'm hoping we're not related to the title." "THERE!" Phoenix yelled, pointing. "There you are!" The two mares winced at first, then realized he was gesturing behind them. They turned around to see another tram catching up to them. "Who the heck is that?" Dan asked, squinting as the figure approached. "Wait..." "It's her again!!" "It's Minty!" Dan exclaimed. In an identical tram racing towards them from behind, they saw former Captain Springer at the the controls, the words RIVAL APPROACHING flashing from a display. "Hey guys, look- it's-ARRAAAAH!" The tram rammed into them. "Help! Middle management is abusing us!" "We're too young to be de-rezzed!" "It's okay, ladies," Dan said, standing triumphantly. "I've-" "Got this!" Phoenix said, jumping in front of him. "Nicky?! What're you-" The lawyer jumped onto Springer's tram as it accelerated to bump them again. He stood on the hood of the tram, hands on his hips in heroic triumph. "I hope you don't object to my boarding!" Springer stared up at him, confused. "I don't even know what that means." "Well, understand this, then!" He leaped over her and landed in the cab behind her. "You are an incompetent paramilitary insurgent! And you are green in more ways than one!" She shook her head. "I'm a what?" Phoenix grabbed her by the head and slammed it into the controls, destroying them in an explosion of sparks. The tram shot forward, slamming into Dan's tram again. "Nicky!" Dan yelled. He and the Blasties took the opportunity to quickly climb aboard the second tram. "Nicky, that was amazing!" The tram they were in continued pushing the other one, propping it up on its own hood. Oddly enough, this made the other tram as a perfect barricade between them and the barrage of sporks still being fired. "Phoenix, you destroyed the controls," Fusey said. "With Springy's face." "Haha!" Phoenix laughed in a boastful fashion. "Exactly, my dear explosive equine friend! Now, with her head stuck in the panel, we can use her tail to control the tram and ram Silver Skeeter off the track!" "I like that you made that reference, but I also hate that you made that reference," Powdy said. Fusey nodded in agreement. But Dan was still beaming with pride. "Nicky, that's brilliant! Great job, Nicky, great job! Gimme a hug you ace face-breaking attorney!" Dan attempted to hug Phoenix, but missed and fell onto Powdy instead. "Uh, boys?" Fusey said, getting their attention. She pulled on Springer's tail, tugging it left and right. "The controls aren't working." "What?!" Dan exclaimed, getting up. "Hold on, I'm expert on these things. I'll see what's wrong." He marched over and forced the Blast Sister to scramble out of his way, grabbing the tail of his nemesis. Dan rolled up his short sleeves and wound her tail clockwise, but it made the sound of a broken pencil sharpener. Nothing happened. "Hmm... never had this problem before." "Maybe her butt's out of order," Fusey said. "Smack her flank, see if that starts it." "How would that work?" Fusey shrugged. "It'd work on me. Phoenix, you're welcome to try." She rubbed her cutie mark and the Property of Dustchu label just above it, which was a picture of Dustchu winking. Suddenly, the lawyer picked her up. Whether it was a feeling of euphoria from a moment of victory or some other rush of confidence, could not be said. But he looked deep into Blast Fuse's eyes and replied, "For you, I'd be only the most willing catalyst, my dear." He kissed her deeply. The mare turned red from mane to tail and melted in his arms. (*Romantic scenes, romantic music, Mothra being summoned*) "I think I know what the problem is," Powdy said, poking Springer. "She's dead." Phoenix spat out Fusey's tongue. "What?!?!" "She ain't breathing," Powdy said. "I think you killed her there, Wright-o." Phoenix's hair instantly went back to its usual spiked appearance. "But-but, no! I-I-I-IIIIII I couldn't, I couldn't-" "Nicky!" Dan yelled, "How could you?" "What?!" he stared at the smaller human. "You just said I did a great job!" "That was before you killed someone, Nicky. That's not right." The lawyer stammered frantically. "I-I-I, I didn't mean to! It was just an accident and..." he swallowed. "I WANT AN ATTORNEY!!" Springer lifted her head out of the controls. "Uuuuooooh... what happened?" "DIE, NAZI, DIE!" Dan yelled and bashed her with the gun. "Dan! What the- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Phoenix yelled. "She was alive the whole time and you just killed her! AND YOU YELLED AT ME FOR KILLING HER BEFORE!!" "That's completely different, Nicky!" "HOW?!" Dan shook his head. "Because I hold you to higher standards than that, Nicky. Honestly, what would our group look like if every one of us tried to solve all our problems with violence?" Fusey and Powdy exchanged a glance. "I think it would look pretty much the same." "More or less." "I mean, seriously, you're just going to forget we make bombs out of thin air?" "Because we do that." Springer pulled her head out of the broken controls. Face scorched black and her mane full of clutter and machinary, she was banged up but very much alive. "Ouch... oh gawd, what happened?" "MINTY!" Phoenix exclaimed. "DIE, NAZ-" The lawyer stopped Dan from clubbing her again. Phoenix grabbed the green pegasus and stroked her mane, pulling out the parts. "Oh thank goodness you're alive. Thank you, thank you so much." (Please don't sue me. Please don't sue me. Please don't sue Dan, me, the Blasties or any of our friends but please, PLEASE don't sue me.) Springer looked back up as Phoenix petted her. "Thank you too, Samurai Jack. I love you~" she hugged him. Dan frowned at both of them. "What a heartwarming scene. And to think, if I had some gasoline right now, I'd make it even warmer. Blasties!" He turned to them, "Give me something to immolate this from my memories! Manually!" But they were already gone. When he turned back to Phoenix and the others, he saw that the Blast Sisters had joined the group hug. Springer suddenly shot her hoof out and pointed at Dan excitedly. "Ohmaigawsh! It's Curtis Armstrong!" Dan facepalmed hard enough for it to echo over the sound of the sporks. "I'm going to go smash my head into the controls now." Another tram approached from the rear. Flight Lieutenant Spinner gripped the controls in awe of what she was seeing. "Is this... should I come back another time?" "YOU!" Dan leapt onto her tram. She threw her hooves up. "Don't hurt me! Please, man, I just work here!" "Get on the radio and do exactly what I say," Dan ordered. The other military pegasus complied.