//------------------------------//
// TCB: Bad Batch 
// Story: The Backlog. 
// by Anonsi 
//------------------------------//


The Conversion Bureau:
Bad Batch
A My Little Pony fanfiction based off of Blaze’s original The Conversion Bureau
Brought to you by: Anonsi
I was originally going to call it “Rise of the Adversary.”


Part 1                  _

        It was a snowy day in Detroit when Marco decided he had simply had it. Being a human was just too much for him to deal with anymore, and this was the last straw. His girlfriend of three years had dumped him. For a pony. Just thinking about those stupid Equestrian ponies sent young Marco on a swearing spree that would rival that of the most foul mouthed of ornery sailors. A fact that proved ironic, as the young man’s destination for that day was the local Conversion Bureau.
        “If she doesn’t want me as a human, then I’ll be a pony!” he shouted at the fresh falling snow, “And then we can be together again!” 
        Visions of himself and his old girlfriend danced through his head, and thoughts of winning her back from that damn blue unicorn with a stupidly orange mane gave him a certain warmth as he trudged through the foot deep snow. 
        That’s when he saw it, the Detroit Conversion Bureau. It used to be a free clinic, but once it started giving away those potions it proved more effective at curing sicknesses than any hospital. Ponies of every color were mingling outside the doors, and each one reminded Marco of why his best girl left him.
Storming past the crowd without so much as a hello, Marco seethed as he walked in through the front doors of the bureau. Looking about angrily at every person and pony in the lobby, his eyes eventually settled on the bright pink and white colored earth pony that sat behind a large oak desk. 
Marco stomped over to her and slammed his hands onto the desk, shouting, “I WANT TO BE A LITTLE PONY!”
The mare behind the desk nearly toppled out of her seat from the sudden appearance of the shouting human. Neatly catching herself before she and her chair had a chance to tumble down to the ground, the predominantly pink pony replied, “H-hello and welcome t-to the Detroit Conversion Bureau! I’m S-Strawberry Sundae and-”
“Cut the shit and turn me into a pony already!” Marco interrupted. He was in no mood to be kept from his revenge by bureaucracy and pleasantries.
“O-okay sir! Um, just sign this form and we can find you a room,” replied the pony as she gingerly slid a form over to the irritable young man. 
The human rather aggressively took a pen from a nearby jar and began to hastily fill out the form, mumbling something to himself. After he completed it, Strawberry Sundae took the form and read over it. 
“So where do we do this thing?” asked Marco looking around the room, eventually eying a set of wide double doors. “Through there?”
Strawberry nodded meekly and said, “Yes, but there’s a seven day waiting period while we make a potion that will mesh with your particular DNA, or in case you-”
“Seven days?!” shouted Marco at the top of his lungs, “That’s too long! By then that damn unicorn and my girlfriend will have...AARG!” 
Strawberry Sundae was about to ask him to calm down or leave, but the young man had already charged through the double doors by the time the first words were beginning to form in her mouth. Marco barreled down the hallway beyond the doors, overrunning several ponies on his way to what appeared to be an operation room. There was a unicorn doctor inside of the room magically holding a tray next to her. She looked confused and terrified when the human entered and nearly screamed in terror as he took to turning the room inside out in search of something.
“What are you doing?!” she called out in panic.
Her question was answered as Marco looked at the tray she hovered next to her, or more specifically, the half empty styrofoam cup that sat on top of it. The young man quickly snatched the cup away from the floating tray and eyed it triumphantly. 
“No! Stop!” shouted the unicorn, but it was too late. 
Marco downed the entire cup and licked his lips. It tasted like victory. And grape. The young man let go an almost insane laugh as he shouted up at the ceiling, “HA HA HA! I’m coming for you Mid-”
The young man collapsed onto the floor and fell into unconsciousness. The unicorn doctor looked around with an expression of panic on her face. “Oh no oh no oh no,” she kept repeating as she paced around the room. 
Soon she was joined by Strawberry Sundae, who promptly saw the knocked out human and hurriedly asked, “Did he just...?!”
“He did!” replied the doctor.
“What’s going to happen to him?” asked the pink pony as she moved to stand over the human.
“I can’t be sure,” replied the doctor calming down a small degree, “that potion was set to the DNA of a little girl! For all we know, it could kill him, or worse...”
Strawberry gave the doctor a hard look, “Worse? What could be worse than dying!?”
The unicorn returned the stare with one as equally stern, “...or, in the worst case scenario, he could live as a deformed monster that should never have happened, and become something everypony would prefer to just forget ever existed!”
“Dear Celestia...”
Marco’s body started to twitch and spasm as the potion began to take effect. The two ponies could only look on in horror at what happened next.

Part 2                  _

        Marco heard whispers float through the darkness that clouded his vision.
        “...his head is all...” said one voice.
        “His head?” asked another, “what about the legs! Just look at them!”
        The voices sounded scared, which made Marco feel scared as well. He thought this process was supposed to make everything better! Why were they all speaking like he was some sort of mutant?
        “Look! His nose twitched! He might be waking up!”
        “Oh hay bales! Uhh, Sweet Cake! Get the door! We don’t want the media to get in here when he wakes up.”
        Marco opened his eyes, and immediately closed them again as they were struck by the terribly bright lights of the operating room. “W-Where am I?” he asked, only to be taken aback upon hearing his squeaky, yet undeniably feminine, voice. “W-What’s wrong with my voice!?” he shouted.
        “Now calm down,” said the vaguely familiar voice of the unicorn doctor, “You’ve had a little mishap with some ponification potion. You’re lucky to be alive.”
        “What do you mean lucky!?” squeaked Marco, “You and that other pony were talking about my head and my legs like I was some sort of freak!”
        Apparently, as far as Marco could tell from the sounds, his words had caught the doctor off guard. “Oh...” started the doctor sounding embarrassed, “you heard that?”
        “Yes, I heard it! I’m not deaf!” Marco shouted. 
What was once a young man again tried to sit up. He succeeded, but the process felt awkward, like his neck was only barely able to support his head. Marco again attempted to open his eyes, and with blurred vision, made out the form of the unicorn mare that he had been talking to. 
“So,” Marco began as he awkwardly looked around the room, “What kind of pony am I?”
It was hard to tell, but the doctor seemed to shift uncomfortably at the question. “Umm...you’re an Earth Pony?”
The speculative tone of the pony’s response made Marco attempt to scowl at the insufferable mare, but he soon realized that he couldn’t seem to move any muscles in his face.
“Why can’t I feel my face?” he asked with growing panic, “Why does my head feel so heavy!? Why don’t my eyes work?! AND WHY IS MY VOICE SO ANNOYINGLY GIRLY?!”
The pony doctor trotted next to the hysterical patient and placed a calming hoof on his shoulder. Marco’s vision began to sharpen, and soon he could make out the almost apologetic face of the unicorn.
“I have some bad news,” she said, “and a lot of it is going to be quite shocking. But you need to hear it.”
Taking a few calming breaths, Marco replied, “Tell me.”
Taking a gulp, the doctor explained, “The ponification potion you drank was meant for a little girl, as in the nanites inside of it were gene encoded specifically for her. When you got the potion, something went terribly wrong, and the naninites tried to turn you into a small filly.”
        “So I’m a little girl!?” Marco shouted in horror.
        “Not...not exactly...”
        “What do you mean, not exactly?”
        Clearing her throat, the doctor went on, “The nanites were kinda killing you, and then the magic in the potion brought you back to life, but seeing as how your genes were all screwed up, you came back a little...different.” 
        “So I’m a girl?” asked Marco again.
        The doctor again seemed to fumble for the right words as she once more said, “Well...not exactly.”
        Marco’s temper hit a fever pitch as he screamed at the unicorn, “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN YOU TWIT?!”
        The unicorn reeled back from the high pitched fury of her patient, and in a moment of panic and weakness shouted back, “Just look between your legs!”
        Marco did so. He screamed in his new girlishly high pitched voice until he passed out. He never knew seeing nothing could scare anybody so badly.

        Several hours passed as Marco drifted in and out of consciousness. Every time he opened his eyes, he would see different ponies in the room with him. Each one seemed to be repulsed by something about him. Finally, he awoke in earnest, this time alone in the room. Everything that had happened today felt like a bad dream, and he just wanted to go home.
        He attempted to climb out of bed, but his legs felt like they had weights attached to them. It took a great deal of struggling and squirming before Marco got one of his legs off the edge of the bed. He looked at the new leg with a confused expression. Something about it just looked...off. 
        He needed to find a mirror. Squirming and shuffling, Marco eventually maneuvered himself off the bed and down to the floor. He fell as carefully as he could, but his legs felt numb and lifeless, and his descent was similar to a tumbling sack of rocks.
        Marco rose to his hooves after short string of swears, or at least, what he thought were his hooves. Looking down at his new set of legs, he noticed that they were a bright, almost faded, pink, and far more...bulbous than the other ponies. His height also became aware to him, as he suddenly realized that he was much smaller than a pony of his age should be.
        Marco tried to walk as fast as he could to a body mirror that hung from a nearby wall, clumsily tripping over his malformed hooves several times. Once he stood in front of the mirror, seconds stretched into hours as pure fear, disgust, and terror flooded his mind, cascading through his very soul. 
His head was horribly misshapen, too round to be equine, too big to be human, while his muzzle was short and stumpy. The rest of his body was half the size of a regular pony, while the rest of him looked disproportional, unbalanced, seemed thin where there should be muscle and bloated where there shouldn’t be more than a few tendons. Not to mention the sickly pale pink coat that covered him nearly caused him to vomit. Marco’s mane, if one could call it that, looked like it was made from dried paper, and it came in a rainbow of the most obnoxiously clashing colors he could imagine. But what truly made the thing that was once a man shrink back in terror were his new eyes. They were a deep, empty blue and as large as dinner plates. They did not gleam with any kind love or life, just soulless orbs that looked like dolls eyes.
It was not fear that welled inside of him as he gazed into those azure blue pits, but a sort of madness that one can only find when looking into the infinite abyss. Marco let loose a howl that, if it didn’t sound so squeaky, would have curdled the blood of even the most hardened of human soldiers. It was then, in this fit of insanity, that the small malformed pony once known as Marco made a declaration of unbridled hatred that would haunt the world for years to come.
“I’m a monster!” it squeaked with hellish fury, “I’ll never get my girlfriend back like this! Nothing will ever love me like THIS!” Something clicked in its destroyed mind scape, and with a mad cackle, it made his way to a nearby and conveniently placed open window. “It’s all those ponies’ fault!” it went on to say between chortles, “Why didn’t they make a potion that anyone could use?! Well I’ll show them! I’LL SHOW THEM ALL!” 
Turning over a waste bin and pushing it under the nearest window, the little pink abomination used it as a step ladder to climb out onto the windowsill.
“Oh, and don’t think I’ve forgotten about you my dearest love,” it said looking back into the operating room, “You will pay for abandoning me, and so too will the one who stole you from me!” Raising its disproportionate hooves to the sky, it screamed, “I’M COMING FOR YOU MIDNIGHT SHADOW!”



DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!
Look! Another thing I won't be continuing ever!
HA HA! I might though, once I get some time.
Though I'm pretty sure I know what you all really want