//------------------------------// // Indecision // Story: Void Trials // by Obsi //------------------------------// “I don't see the point in worrying, Shetty,” Ciloa said that evening after Shetland recounted her encounter with the gnarly pegasus. “If he said you did good, you did good, so what's there to worry about?” Frustration crept into Shetland's voice. She'd repeated this argument in her own head over and over on her way home and therefore knew exactly how to respond. “But everything I did was the exact same as every other time!” “Maybe you DID do something different and you didn't realize it. Maybe they look for something we don't know yet.” Shetland groaned. “Oh, that would just be perfect! How am I supposed to do it right if I don't know what I'm even supposed to do?” “You're getting off-track, Shetty,” Ciloa calmly said. “Good means good and if he said that, it should be enough.” Shetland let out a long sigh and some of her frustration dissipated. She suddenly noticed that Ciloa’s magic was holding a frantically scribbling pen, checking off boxes on a large list. “What are you doing?” “Just checking if I packed everything for the trip.” “For Horizon?” Shetland asked incredulously. “But that’s still two months away!” “Which gives me two months for check-ups. I can't exactly come back for anything, Shetty!” She crossed out a few sections before she floated the list closer, blinking a few times. “Oh, dear, I checked those wrong… Could you look if my sunglasses are in the case?” Shrugging, Shetland stepped close, looking into the great mess inside the case… no wonder Ciloa wanted two months of checkups, orderly packing seemed like a foreign concept to her. Rummaging through the chaos, she found the fragile glasses under a dangerously heavy book. “You seriously need to repack this, you were lucky they weren't crushed by your…” She glanced at the book. “...photo album. Why are you bringing a photo album?” “Aren't you bringing your own?” Ciloa asked, regarding the book with a fond smile. “Like I said, I won't be able to visit my family for a long while. It's good to have a reminder. You can look at it, by the way.” She added, snickering at the curious look Shetland had thrown at the book. Shetland wasn't sure what she had expected, but this was probably it. From all pages shone the smiling heads of Ciloa's extensive family, both earth ponies and changelings in groups of two or more, in a big hug or riding on the back of a large alligator. How they tamed these beasts was beyond her, the Pie's protective aura certainly did not extend to her. What they dubbed “lovebites” Shetland simply called “lethal.” Still, her attention was caught by two changelings, the young Ciloa with her mother setting a small alligator baby on her daughter's face, concealing all but her massive grin, mirroring her parents’. It brought a smile to Shetland's face, albeit a smaller one. Ciloa observed Shetland with deep blue eyes, reaching up to place a hoof on her shoulder. “I don't think I've ever seen photos of you with your family… outside of the occasional newspaper twice a year.” Shetland shrugged, shaking off her friend's hoof. “My family is made of two, there's not that much to see, Ciloa. Not like your huge family.” She said wistfully, then forced her eyes away, flipping through the pages, not allowing herself to get stuck on a single picture. “But you have some, right?” Ciloa said, unwilling to give up. “I'd like to see them. There's gotta be a lot of happy memories.” “Not as many as yours, Cily.” Shetland chuckled, weighing the tome in her hooves. “All the more to cherish.” Ciloa poked her hoof in Shetlands side. “Just show me the album, you big mope!” It took longer than Shetland herself expected to find her own album, stuffed in an old saddlebag for whatever reason she failed to remember. It wasn't even half the size of Ciloa's, and of that, a good chunk of the pages were empty. None of that, however, quelled her friend's enthusiasm as she flipped through the pages. “How old were you in this one?” She asked, pointing at a photo of Shetland hoofwrestling a bearded stallion the same size as her, a look of concentration on her face while his was basked in sweat. “Fourteen. I was competing against my sports teacher. I won.” she added with a smirk. “Wow… were you ever not a bulwark of a pony?” “You'd have to look back to the baby pictures for that.” Shetland said, wisely bringing her hoof down on the page to prevent Ciloa from doing exactly that. As Ciloa flipped the pages forward, Shetland looked away. She knew what she would see: times she spent with her mother, happy, careless, times she didn't want to remember. It would just make their current dispute seem even worse… She wanted to tell Ciloa to stop. The changelings occasional giggles and giddy “awws” piercing her mind, drawing forward unwanted images she tried to ignore. It was easier to oppose somepony if you could pretend to hate them, and Ciloa was making that really difficult right now. “Shetland!” Ciloa poked her shoulder, gaining her attention. She pointed down at the last filled page of the book, where there was only one picture. With a queasy feeling in her stomach, Shetland looked at herself and her best friend Press… when he had been more than that, looking as though they were conjoined at their lips. “What is this?” Ciloa asked, staring down at the picture with her eyes narrowed into tiny slits. “It’s nothing!” Shetland spurted out. “N-not anymore. Look, that was a long time ago, and even back then we realized we worked better as just friends!” “But why didn't you tell me? When did that happen?” Ciloa burst out. “Last year. After my graduation.” Shetland muttered before she picked up her voice. “There's nothing going on between me and him anymore, Cily, we're both happier being just friends.” Ciloa looked down at the photo and to Shetland’s surprise, her expression changed to a foxy smirk. “If you really don't mind me getting him,” she asked. “Then as his ex-marefriend you can surely give me some pointers, right?” Astonished, Shetland agreed before she could even think. But when Ciloa snapped the photo album shut and went back to her packing list, Shetland decided that she’d been annoyed at her best friends constantly prancing around each other anyway. There couldn't be any harm in helping them finally get together, right? At first it was nice, if awkward, to speak of her old, albeit short, relationship. It had never gotten anywhere serious, for one or two months they had simply shared the occasional evening, maybe disregarded personal space on the couch and kissed a few times before it was all ended after one drunken night. Ciloa, however, soaked it all up like a sponge, interspersing questions, like what else they enjoyed together or why Shetland thought it didn’t work out. Most of the time, Shetland had to simply shrug. As time went on, Ciloa's questions became more random. One morning, three days after Shetland’s consent, she had asked whether Press liked coffee with or without milk. Befuddled, the sleepy earth pony had ignored her, causing Ciloa to act grouchy for the rest of the morning. Unfortunately, she wasn't satisfied with that and kept pecking Shetland for advice. And to her endless frustration, Ciloa wouldn’t consider her solution to the problem, which was, admittedly, straightforward. “Cily, you just pull him somewhere private and kiss him.” she had said, interrupting Ciloa as she had approached Shetland, another question on her tongue. The changeling had shaken her head in disbelief. “Don't you know anything about dating, Shetty? I-I can't just do that, he'd freak out!” “I think I would know better, after all, I'm the one who dated him!” Shetland shouted as her patience wore out. One look at Ciloa's outraged expression as the changeling struggled for words made her realize she’d said the wrong thing. Swallowing her own annoyance, she tried to fix the situation. “I'm sure it would work!” she exclaimed hastily. “Like last time in the club? That was a catastrophe, and he was drunk back then!” Ciloa growled. “It was because you were drunk!” Shetland corrected. “If you had been sober he would've been fine with anything you wanted, probably!” Ciloa’s eyes narrowed and her voice dripped poison. “Are you speaking from experience?” she loomed, the very idea making her bare her teeth. Right then, Shetlands patience snapped a second time. “TO TARTARUS WITH THIS!” She screamed, throwing the door open. Looking back, she glared at her friend. “I'll speak with you again when you're back to normal!” With that, she had thrown the door closed and left for the gym, aiming to muffle her anger by throwing herself into the exercises. But while her mind usually blanked from the exertion when she sprinted, hauled weights, or bucked a sturdy wall, she found herself unable to come to peace today. The true worst part about her friend's sudden fixation was that it prevented her from speaking about her own issues. Ciloa would just brush them off. “We've talked about it before, you shouldn’t worry anymore. Good is good, however you twist it.” she'd said, unwilling to indulge Shetland’s uncertainty further. Yet every day Shetland found herself roused from bed early, nervously checking the mailbox several times a day, as if trying to will the Sergeant's response into existence. She knew she should just relax, but telling that to herself wasn’t enough and Ciloa had grown tired from reassuring her daily, instead opting to change the topic. To the only topic she was willing to talk about these days. All put together, it made the waiting time a grueling task which induced a constant sense of unrest in Shetland. Yet there was nothing she could do, there was no speeding it up, no trick to better her results, no… Shetland bit her lips. There was one way. And surely, if she asked, nicely asked, then - then she wouldn't say no, right? No matter what Twilight thought herself? This evening, Shetland sat on her couch. Ciloa had gone to bed after Shetland had lividly told her that she wouldn't set up a meeting between her and Press, she could easily do it herself. Even now she was peeved, which didn't help her current undertaking. Staring at a paper, blank except for two words. Dear Mom, The work of almost twenty minutes, Shetland grumbled, grinding her teeth, feeding her restlessness. It was supposed to be so easy! Friendly greeting, ask for help, say please like a nice filly and then direct her to the ponies to send her letters of recommendation to! Easy as pie! Shetland snorted. If only. How do you write to somepony who's argued with you for years, who withheld her support so far and constantly used every opportunity to try and change your mind when she should have been helping you!? How do you ask a pony like this for help, especially if she's family? With a sigh, Shetland slumped back into the couch. “Definitely not like this,” she muttered, feeling like she'd lost a long-fought battle. There was no way she could write this letter, not with the hot anger building up in her stomach. She shot a look out the window, to the cold night sky. Some fresh air could help, she thought, going out on the empty street. The cold breeze was refreshing, and Shetland couldn’t shake off a sense of relief as her brain relished in the break from trying to formulate an impossible letter. With a deep breath, she looked up into the sky. How it had always fascinated her. Twilight and her used to stargaze every night. Her mother would point out formations, trying to teach her their names, while Shetland imagined how they must look up-close, what worlds they might be circling and how they would differ from Equs. Twilight had always encouraged her wish to visit the stars, until… It had been so straightforward. Shetland wasn’t the most curious or studious of ponies and to her mother's disappointment, the sciences simply bored her. And so, unwilling to study, she had sought for a different occupation. Then she had found the poster: Voidmarines, the military presence on Horizon, yet so much more faceted. She would be tasked with defending the colony if needed, keeping order, policing and in some of the smaller settlements even act as a sort of sheriff. It seemed perfect for her, a place where her gigantism wouldn’t be a hindrance, but a boon, and where things she already enjoyed like working out, shooting and occasionally glowering at smaller ponies would be required! Even her cutie mark might be relevant as not only would explosives be in her arsenal, but Voidmarines frequently got to observe and partake in excavations due to their skills! It had seemed to her younger self that the stars had aligned and granted her a revelation. Until she told her mother. Twilight, the mare she had previously entrusted with anything, who, even if strained for time, always had her back. Shetland vividly remembered her reaction, her horrified look and sudden anger when she had screamed at the shocked filly, threatening punishment… and the next day, when she had apologized. “It's your decision and I can't stop you,” Twilight had said, a deep frown around those deep purple eyes that seemed unable to meet Shetland's. Even after her shock at her parent's reaction, Shetland had assumed Twilight would go back to normal and so she'd enlisted in military school at the age of fifteen. Yet since then, the unconditional support she always thought she could count on had vanished and her mother never listened when she brought up her school, always turned away when she talked about the lessons and never engaged in anything at all related to it. Arguments got more frequent and Shetland even realized that her mother had gotten noticeably more “busy” since then. It all culminated when Shetland, after a drawn out argument, reached out to her friends and Ciloa offered to become roommates. Yet, even driven from her home, she had always believed that her mother would eventually come around and accept her decision. Until last year, at her graduation, when she did the unthinkable. She ignored it. Twilight Sparkle, the pony obsessed with any kind of knowledge and learning had ignored her own daughter's graduation. And that was the mare Shetland had just considered asking for help to pursue the career Twilight despised so much. It was pointless, Shetland decided, internally scrapping all ideas for the letter. Her mother wouldn't help, she had to rely on herself, and herself alone… Behind a brightly glowing window she could make out the silhouette of Ciloa, up in their room. She wasn't much help right now either, was she? With her annoying obsession for their friend, and her constant prodding into a past relationship that as far as Shetland was concerned was never real. Shetland had needed comfort after her mother's betrayal at the graduation and Press was willing to offer, that's all it ever was, other than increasing awkwardness with every day! It's all catching up to me, Shetland thought, glaring up at Ciloa's contour, anger flaring up in her stomach. The arguments, the resulting mistakes she made, the innocent misstep of showing her friend a damn photo-album, all of it was coming back to screw her back at the worst of times! Worst of all, it made Shetland even more anxious about the impending results: it was her chance to get away from all this. The sudden noise of metal and wood scraping startled Shetland out of her thoughts. It seemed Ciloa hadn't been inactive behind the window, she'd been watching her, and right now, she was looking down at her friend in concern. “Shetty,” she asked. “Is something wrong?” What a stupid question, Shetland thought. But then, what else would she say, not knowing she was part of the problem? “No,” Shetland grunted. “Everything's fine.” “So she was trying to help!” Press said the next morning as he peeled himself from his workout bench, setting his dumbbells on the ground. He wiped his soggy mane out of his face and looked Shetland in the eyes. “You're just being an all-negative big grump again.” “That was one moment in three days!” She grumbled. “You're reading too much in one question when she's been nothing but annoying every other moment.” “You're just stressed, that's all. Over nothing, I might add.” He whisked his towel away, letting her adjust the bench and weights. She laid down, balancing a barbell on her hooves, laden with almost twice the weight Press managed. “Showoff.” He quipped and shook his head, yet he could not hide his smile. “Okay, I'll count to twenty.” “One, Two, Three…” Shetland grinned as her muscles strained against the weights. She had rushed over as soon as she woke up after Ciloa told her Press wanted to meet her there. While missing breakfast sucked, and her stomach loudly protested, she cheerfully sacrificed it for the chance to meet her friend. His presence, calm and casual, was a blessing for her nerves. “Twelve…” Shetland puffed, pressing the barbell up once again, her grin starting to strain, but she was far from done. “Thirteen…” Press was awesome, Shetland decided this morning. The friend who actually listened to her worries (or fussing, as he called it), did not attempt to change the topic or criticise her, some kidding aside. He simply listened while Shetland marveled as his calming aura dissolved the tension in her. “Seventeen, Eighteen…” Except for the tension in her hooves, which seriously started to hurt now. “Only two more,” Shetland muttered, resting the barbell in the safety rack for a second before mustering her strength for a final push. “Nineteen.” Only one more! Shetland huffed, the thought exhilarating her. “Nineteen.” Wait, What? Did she mishear him? Forcing her leg, she managed another push- “Nineteen…” HE WAS DOING IT ON PURPOSE! Shetland raged internally. His face was out of view for her, but she'd have sworn he had a massive ugly grin. No matter, she would keep pushing until he ran out of breath counting! “Nineteen…” DAMN HIM! He didn't even try to hide his chuckle. Sweat poured down from Shetland's flaming red face. But damn him even more if she gave up! “Aaand twenty, you can set down now.” Relieved, she put the weight down on the rack, sliding out and fixating Press with a fierce glare that would make most ponies take a step back. “Really funny, you ass.” Unfortunately, Press wasn't most ponies and knew her too well to be intimidated. “I figured you'd manage a little more.” He said with a grin. “And I was right. I just know you too well. That’s how I also know you're only annoyed with Cily because the timing's bad.” “Says you. '’ I'd find it annoying at any time!” She responded, irritated. “All she's asking for is dating advice, how bad can it be?” “You have no idea! Also, how about you just ask her out? That way she'll be off my back!” Press flushed and his voice stuttered.. “I-I don't know…” “She'll say yes!” Shetland exclaimed in exasperation. “I told you she wants it, now you do your part and get her off my back!” Unfortunately, he didn't seem to share her enthusiasm, nervously shifting on his hooves. “Y-you wouldn't happen to have a tip how I could score an extra point, just to be sure...” “Buy her food!” Shetland said gruffly. “Oh, that would work for you, huh?” He chuckled, regaining some of his calmness. Shetland denied him an answer. “I know it does. It did.” he said, the corners of his mouth finding new widths to pull themselves to. “S-Shut up.” Shetland said. Yet even she had to smile as her stomach let out a mighty grumble. Press laughed. “Alright, sounds like an emergency. How about I get us some hayfries from Green Hoof?” A weightless barbell caught in his magic pointed at a shop across the street. “I guess…” Shetland said, trying to cover up for her starving belly. “Do you want something or not?” Press asked slowly, and from his massive grin, he clearly knew the answer. “YES! Please, alright? Please bring me something to eat, I'm starving!” Shetland moaned, giving in to her fate, even as she rolled her eyes. “Alright, one portion for me and three for you, then…” “Hold up!” Shetland said, upset. “I don't eat three, you're exaggerating!” “Yeah, you get two, and then another two. This is good for you!” Press chuckled, counting out his bits. Shetland stayed silent for a moment, digesting the annoyingly accurate truth. So what, maybe she just liked to eat! She wasn't fat, that's what she was in the gym for! She looked self-consciously in the mirror, which elicited another chuckle from her friend. She wasn't fat… “A bag of crickets too, please.” She whispered against her own will. Damnit! “Oh, by the way…” Press said as if he just remembered, yet his massive grin betrayed that he had barely been holding back on telling her. “I'm in!” For a few seconds, Shetland was puzzled. “In what?” She asked blankly. Then it dawned upon her. “You mean- the job? You have-” “Yep!” He exclaimed, his grin as massive as her surprise. “And I think they sent all the letters at once, so…” Shetlands jaw dropped. In her haste to meet her friend, she had even forgotten to check her mail for the first time since the test. “Why didn't you tell me earlier?” “Because I know you'd have skipped on everything to get your grubby little hooves on the letter ASAP.” He winked knowingly. “I'll meet you at your home with the grub. Good luck, but if I got in, your place is practically guaranteed!” But Shetland was already gone, racing past everything on the street and only muttering a quick greeting to Ciloa on her arrival as she practically ripped open the mailbox, and there it was! An official-looking letter with five seals, of the three princesses, the queen and the Royal Guard. “This is it,” Shetland told herself as she carefully opened the letter as if it was something fragile that could break from the lightest touch. Her throat was dry and it felt like all her body's water was amassing as sweat on her forehead. She unrolled the paper with trembling hooves. Dear Ms. Sparkle. Our thanks go out to your dedication and interest. We are deeply sorry that we cannot bear you good news, however. After extensive examination, we have decided upon a different candidate. We thank you for the troubles you went through in your application and wish you luck for your future endeavors. Sincere regards, Whistle White