I spent a lot of time at Twilight’s, just relaxing and enjoying myself. Much as I liked the mild pampering I was receiving as a guest of the princess, some nagging part of my conscience kept reminding me that I should really go talk to Fluttershy about the protest. It wasn’t like I’d forgotten all about it because I was lost in hedonistic indulgence. I was just procrastinating to avoid a potentially awkward conversation.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid it forever. If I was going to pretend to be a semi-responsible adult, I would have to actually keep my promises and help my friends.
I headed back home at the fastest waddle my pregnant self could manage. I was so looking forward to being done with this, so I could go back to being my lean, fit, sexy self instead of a big fat bloated mess. Derpy had made this look way too easy when she’d had Dinky.
Getting back home wasn’t as comforting as I’d hoped, since in my absence the place had been invaded by an army of countercultural crusaders. I hadn’t expected Fluttershy to get quite so many recruits for her protest. Who knew there were so many ponies eager to complain about Twilight finally dealing with all of the monsters in Everfree Forest?
Granted, not all of them were true believers in the cause. Discord was in the middle of making several large signs urging Twilight to ‘Make War, Not Love’ until Blossom caught him and made him change things back. The worst thing was that Discord’s altered signs still made more sense than some of the legitimate ones. Seriously, who goes around insisting that ‘Trees are ponies too!’? No they’re not. They’re trees.
Eepy was busy talking to a couple ponies who looked like they had only passing familiarity with the concept of soap, but stepped away when she spotted me, trotting over and giving me a quick nuzzle. “How are you feeling, Cloud? Sorry about the mess, but I’m sure we could make some room for you on the couch if you’re tired.”
“Sure.” I wasn’t too exhausted, but I might as well claim my sitting space now. Fluttershy’s place was pretty big, but right now it was packed to the brim. “Wow, full house.”
Fluttershy smiled sheepishly. “I know. I was surprised so many ponies from Ponyville shared my concerns, and Tree Hugger was a huge help with spreading the word outside of town. Honestly, I was worried barely anyone would show up. I had no idea we would get this much attention...”
“Yeah...” I tried to give her an encouraging smile, but it felt more like an agonized rictus. “Looks like you really started something.”
Fluttershy nodded along. “I’m sure that once Twilight will change her mind once she sees how many ponies are upset with her plans for the Everfree. I do feel a bit bad about protesting against her, but ... well, we just need to make her understand. Tree Hugger thinks this will work.”
As if conjured up by Fluttershy mentioning her name, Tree Hugger appeared. My nose was immediately assaulted by the scent of excessive nature, unwashed dreadlocks, and a couple other things I was probably happier not being able to identify. I’d heard enough about Tree Hugger to know what to expect, but no description could’ve prepared me for the reality. “Yo, Flutters, is this the balancer in your life? I can see, like, your aura within her from a mile away.”
Eepy smiled and put a wing around me. “Cloud, this is my good friend Tree Hugger. Tree Hugger, this is my partner Cloud.”
“Nice to meet you.” I politely offered her my hoof.
“Righteous.” She shook my hoof, making me keenly aware of the fact that her fetlocks had grown out just as long as her mane. I guess she’d been too busy communing with nature or whatever to bother with basic hygiene.
I stopped touching her hoof as soon as I could do so without seeming rude, plastering a polite smile on my face. “Fluttershy's told me a lot about you.”
Tree smiled and nodded. “Yeah, same here—her chakras have really opened up since you merged your aura with hers. Reminds me, congrats for the Plus One, and for sticking it to the clerks. It's not every soldier-mare who’ll help her love show the mare who’s who.”
“Thanks.” I leaned over and whispered into Fluttershy’s ear. “Translation?”
Fluttershy murmured. “She’s congratulating you on the pregnancy and appreciates that you’re supporting me despite your Guard background.”
“Oh.” Tree Hugger was making a lot of assumptions. Not that I wasn’t supporting Eepy, but ... well, it was complicated. “Uh ... yeah, about that...”
Fluttershy frowned, giving me a quick once-over. “Is something the matter, Cloud? Are you feeling okay? The walk from town wasn’t too much was it? I can help you to the bedroom if you need to lie down for a bit. We’ll move everything outside if you want some peace and quiet.”
“No, it’s just ... um...” I tried to come up with a not-quite-lie to explain why I’d been at Twilight’s palace. “Well, I was going by the castle to ... uh, check up on Storm. You know, family stuff. And ... well ... Twilight was there. You know, since it's her castle and all. Anyway, she wanted to talk to me about the ... you know, what you’re planning to do.” I sighed and ran a hoof through my mane. I didn’t feel great about bending the truth a little, but the only alternative would be to tell Eepy that I wasn’t all that wild about what she was doing, and that was much worse. “Anyway, Twilight said there are some important dignitaries coming by pretty soon, and she wondered if I could talk to you about ... well ... um ... she'd rather you didn't ... you know, the timing isn't exactly great for her.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy frowned, glancing over the small army of followers she’d gathered. “That’s ... well I hate to cause problems for Twilight, but I don’t think I can just call everything off and ask everypony to go home after all the hard work they’ve done to get ready.”
“You kidding?” Tree Hugger shot a very relaxed smile at both of us. “Flutters, girl, the world has converged on your timing.”
For once, Eepy looked just as confused by Tree Hugger as I was. “What do you mean?”
“Think of it, my mare.” Tree put a hoof around Eepy’s back, using the other one to gesture grandly towards the palace. “Dignitaries. Important ones. That means public. That means press. That means anything that happens while they're here gets extra feed, in the here and in the there, you dig?”
I could feel Eepy tensing up against me, and I instinctively gave her a quick reassuring squeeze with my wing. That seemed to be enough to help her get over her worries. “You mean that we would get more attention for helping the animals? That’s good then, isn’t it?”
“Exactly.” Tree Hugger agreed with a mellow smile. “Attention to you is attention to your cause, my mare—any attention at all. Court it like enlightenment.”
Oh. Oh great. Of course my effort to fix the situation and stop Eepy’s plans wound up just making her even more determined to go through with it. That’s just the kind of luck I have. I tried to do a bit of damage control. “It'd make things a lot harder on Twilight, though.”
Fluttershy froze, worrying at her lower lip. “I don’t like the idea of causing trouble for Twilight ... but this is too important for me to stop it. It’s ... maybe if Twilight stopped with her plans we could both get what we want? I wish I could just reschedule the protest, but now that everypony’s here we can’t really...”
I grimaced and nodded. “Pretty sure she can't tell the Archon or whoever it was to reschedule either. That’s the kind of thing that ends up causing diplomatic incidents.”
“What’s with all the bad vibes?” Tree Hugger looked between the two of us. “Flutters my girl, this is perfect! Either the mare stops her plans so she won’t look bad, or we get an even better chance to tell everyone what she’s up to.”
Fluttershy grimaced, but very reluctantly nodded along. “I don't like it, but this is too important to stop now. Especially ... if Twilight meeting with this archon will help her decide to do the right thing. As long as it helps the animals ... I guess it’s okay.” She hunched her shoulders, as if she was expecting Twilight to storm in and start yelling at her.
“Exactly.” Tree gave her a quick pat on the back. “The whole point of a protest is to get the mare’s attention so she’ll change her mind. This just means she can’t ignore us.”
Eepy took a deep breath, and a determined frown settled onto her face. “Alright then, we’ll do it. I hope Twilight listens to us before then, but I have to stand up for what I believe in.”
Great. Just great. Still, I had to make one last effort to bring things back under control. “Eepy, I’m pretty sure Twilight would still be okay with you helping out and making sure the animals would be okay during the development. Remember how she wanted you to consult with the Patrol?”
Tree Hugger nodded approvingly. “Heard the mare tried to offer her bits, but there’s no way my gal Flutters would ever sell out.”
Fluttershy frowned and shook her head. “What Twilight’s doing is wrong. I can’t endorse it, and I certainly won’t help her do it. It’s just like with the fruit bats: sometimes I have to stand my ground even if my friends disagree with me.” She took a deep breath, then slowly nodded to herself. “So, were you going to be coming with us, Cloud? I don’t want you doing anything too stressful while you’re carrying the foal, but just having you be there would mean a lot to me.”
To my surprise, Tree Hugger saved me the trouble of coming up with an excuse. “Ooh, lemme stop the presses right there my mare. I know you said Twilight was pretty chill, and the last thing I want is to cause some bad vibes, but what we want isn’t always what we get. And while having some foreign dignitary is, like, totally radical for getting more attention, it does mean there’s gonna be a whole other set of guards who aren’t working for Twilight. If things do get a little worked up, we really don’t want a pregnant mare caught in the middle of it.”
She had a point, considering how worried everyone at Twilight’s had been about the Archon’s guards overreacting. The thought of the protest going bad was ... yeah, Eepy wouldn’t take it well, and she’d hit the roof if I got caught in the middle of it. Maybe I could use that to try and sabotage the whole thing? No, that was probably a terrible idea. Fluttershy would be furious with me if she ever figured out I’d used the baby to manipulate her into abandoning something she was this passionate about. She’d have every right to be pissed at me too.
“Guess I’ll have to sit this one out, then,” I faked a sigh, trying to look like I was anything other than elated by the news.
Fluttershy shot a guilty look my way. “Of course, you should stay home and just relax, Cloud. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking ... I really shouldn’t have asked you to get involved. I was so excited about this that I didn’t even think about ... sorry.” She smiled hopefully. “I’m sure there’s plenty you can do to help us even if you can’t be there for the day itself. I’m sure Blossomforth and Discord would be glad to have some help with making signs.”
Blossom glanced up when she heard her name. “I could certainly use an extra set of eyes to make sure Discord’s not getting up to anything.”
“Me?” Discord conjured a halo over his head and put on a reasonably well-faked expression of wounded innocence. “I would never do anything to cause problems for dear Fluttershy. I’ve been perfectly helpful for the last fifteen minutes.”
“That’s why I want to keep a close eye on you.” Blossom shot back. “You’re overdue for stirring up some trouble.”
“Touché,” Discord conceded.
I broke out the excuse I’d been planning to use to get out of going to the protest itself. “I’d love to, but my hooves are kinda swollen after the trip to Twilight’s. I hope you don’t mind, but I’d really not feeling up to it.”
“Oh!” Fluttershy flushed a bit. “Right, sorry, I didn’t know.”
Tree Hugger nodded understandingly. “The miracle of motherhood doesn't wait for the cause. It’s, like, you gotta take care of yourself first.” She looked over her shoulder. “You or the Plus One wanna snack? We got plenty to spare.”
I’d already gorged myself as part of the pampering I’d gotten from Twilight, but eating something a bit healthier probably wouldn’t be a bad idea. “What do you have?”
Tree took a quick look at the snack table. “Nuts, berries, granolas, some fruits from that family with the farm. Plenty of juice too. Looks like they hit the cider pretty hard, but you can’t have the hard stuff anyway. We’ve got brownies if you just want the sweet stuff.”
I frowned and shot a suspicious look her way. “What kind of brownies?”
Tree answered me with a confused look. “Uh, brownies? You know, chocolate, flour, and ... oh wait! You’re not allergic to nuts, are you? I think we’ve got some without nuts in the uh ... the ... uh ... you know...”
“The refrigerator?” Fluttershy suggested.
“Yeah, that.” She blinked slowly. “Sorry, totally blanked out on the word.”
“I wasn’t worried about nuts.” If I’d been allergic to nuts, I probably would’ve had a bad reaction as soon as I walked into Eepy’s cottage. “I guess some fruit and granola would be good.”
Fluttershy zipped off to get a plate of food for me, leaving me all alone with Tree Hugger. The mare stood there, looking far more relaxed about being stuck alone with me than I was. “If you want, I can show you how to meditate sometime. I heard it’s good for helping align your chakras with your foal’s. I know some good natural herbal supplements too.”
“Uh, thanks.” I wasn’t sure what else to say to that.
“I could recommend some righteous aromatherapy too.”
“Sure.”
One of her hooves scuffed along the carpet. “Have you thought about having an all-natural birth? At home, no painkillers?”
“Shadow, no.” Not for all the ... no. There was no force on Equestria that could possibly persuade me to try that. When I had the kid, I wanted to be on so many painkillers that Tree Hugger would think I was way too mellow.
“Your call.” She shrugged. “So ... Fluttershy’s been showing me around and introducing me to all her animals. I like most of them, but that rabbit of hers needs to take some time to re-center himself. He has some seriously bad vibes.”
Finally, a topic I was comfortable with: the world’s most ironically named rabbit. “Yeah, Angel Bunny. He’s a pest, but Eepy likes him.”
“I don’t think she’s looking at him from a place of authenticity,” Tree agreed. “She’s known him for so long that her third eye’s clouded to the darkness in his aura.”
“I guess everypony has their blind spots.” We spent a couple more minutes ripping on Angel. Sure, she was using weird hippie talk to do it, but we were still communicating.
The only problem with that was that we both had to shut up pretty quickly once Eepy came back with my food. “I’m glad to see you two are getting along. Here’s your food, Cloud.”
“Thanks, Eepy.” I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, then chowed down. The food might have been a bit more nature-y than I’d like, but it was still food. “Guess I better go tell Twilight you’re not changing your plans.”
“Alrig—” Fluttershy cut herself off, frowning at me. “Wait, are you sure you want to go all the way back to Twilight’s Palace?”
“Yeah, pretty sure.” I shrugged. “I mean, she asked me to talk to you, so I figured she’d want to know how it went.”
“Oh.” She plopped down on the couch, but she wasn’t sitting next to me or making eye contact. “If you're really sure then...”
I was proficient enough in reading Fluttershy’s body language to know she was upset, but trying to cover it up. “Is something wrong?”
“Oh, nothing.” She tried to smile, but she was trying way too hard while also refusing to meet my eyes. “I’m fine. How are you?”
Tree Hugger cleared her throat. “Hey, I don't wanna mess up the groove between you girls, but Flutters ... your chakras are clouded, girl. Your auras can’t harmonize if you close yourself off to all of each others’ energies. You just gotta open up and let it flow.”
I couldn’t figure out what the hay she was talking about, so instead I gave Eepy a quick pat on the back. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back. It’s just ... I promised Twilight I’d talk to you, so I really should let her know how it went. I know I’m pregnant, but I can still walk around town and talk to ponies.”
Fluttershy frowned at me. “I suppose, it’s just ... wait, didn’t you say that your hooves were swollen and you needed to rest?”
Oh horseapples. “Um...” I struggled to come up with a good explanation for my goof. “I’m ... they got better?”
Eepy’s scowl deepened. “Cloud...”
“Clouded chakras all around.” Tree Hugger ran a hoof through her dreadlocks. “I’m gonna go commune with the universe and let you two find your own peace. Stay righteous.”
Huh. Maybe Tree Hugger was smarter than I gave her credit for. At the very least, she knew enough to get out of the way of other ponies’ drama before it exploded.
Sure enough, Fluttershy let me have it once Tree Hugger was out of earshot. Well, as much Fluttershy is capable of chewing somepony out. “Cloud, why aren’t you being honest with me? You do support me standing up for all the innocent animals in Everfree, don’t you?”
“Um...” I hesitated, trying to find a way to answer positively without lying to her. “I ... support you for standing up in what you believe in.”
She frowned and crossed her forelegs. “That isn’t what I asked.”
I squirmed on the couch, pondering whether I could make it out the bathroom window again. Probably not—I wouldn’t blame Blossom for putting a lock on it after the last time I’d pulled that stunt. “I think it’s good you found something you believe in, and I will always support you.”
Eepy wasn’t fooled. “But do you believe in it?” Her lower lip trembled. “Don't you care about the animals? I thought you got along really well with Harry.”
“Of course I care.” I could already feel the guilt settling into my stomach. “It’s just...” I took a deep breath, then finally confessed. “Well ... I ... um ... I kinda think maybe ... you’re going a little bit too far with this.”
Eepy blinked and stared at me, cocking her head to the side. “What do you mean I’m going too far? We’re just peacefully expressing our opinion.”
I sighed and ran a hoof through my mane. “Look, you’ve got the wrong idea about the Long Patrol. I went through all the classwork to join them, and Storm spent four years with them. They’re not some crazy group of psycho ponies who go around slaughtering cute little innocent forest creatures.”
“I know that, Cloud,” Fluttershy assured me. “But they do hurt animals. When you were at West Hoof, your classes included how to fight against them, didn’t it? Their weak points, the quickest ways to kill them, and how they’d try to defend themselves.”
I flinched, mostly because she was right. “Yeah, we learned that. I also learned a lot about how to handle animals without a fight. Hay, I still use some of those lessons when I’m helping you with your animals. We only use force when there's no other way to keep ponies safe.”
“Even when they’re trying their best, ponies can make mistakes,” Fluttershy countered. “There’s always a better solution than violence. Most of the creatures in the forest won’t cause any problems as long as we leave them alone.”
I got to my hooves with an annoyed snort. “Oh, so me and Storm are just a couple brutes who go around killing animals because we’re too stupid to find the right way to fix things?”
“That’s not what I said,” Fluttershy shot back. “Cloud, I didn’t mean that about you. You didn’t join the Guard.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “Oh, so you’re saying that if I had...”
Fluttershy flinched and facehoofed. “That isn't—I mean—the Guard—”
I scowled at her. “I think I know what you meant.” I stomped out of the cottage, ignoring Fluttershy when she called out after me.
I decided on a change of plans about halfway to Ponyville. I still wanted to let Twilight know how things had gone, but I was way too worked up at the moment. On top of the whole ‘Stress is bad for the baby’ thing everypony kept reminding me about (which didn’t seem to ever stop them from sticking me in stressful situations), I really didn’t want to inflict myself on Twilight while I was worked up. Especially since she was probably getting pretty stressed out on her own, and the news I was bringing would just make things worse.
Thus, I headed for the spa instead of the palace. It’s pretty much the perfect place to go for a nice long relaxing de-stress. Lounging around in a steam room and getting a massage sounded absolutely lovely, especially if I could get some work done on my hooves. In a nasty bit of irony, they actually were starting to feel a little swollen now.
I trotted in and settled into the first available chair, taking pressure off my poor, abused hooves. No wonder they were so sore when they had to carry the rest of my huge bloated self around. Once I was settled in I took a look around and spotted a familiar face. “Hey, Rarity.”
Rarity set aside the magazine she’d been reading and smiled. “Oh! Hello, Cloud. I do hope you have an appointment, they’ve been quite busy today.”
Ouch. Spending a couple hours waiting to get in was not what I’d had in mind. I shrugged helplessly. “Afraid I’m a walk-in. I just ... you know, it’s been one of those days.”
“A feeling I am all too familiar with, darling. I can’t imagine your delicate condition makes it any easier.” She smiled reassuringly. “Luckily for you, I can help with that. I had a reservation for two, and I’m sorry to say that Applejack canceled at the last minute. Fluttershy’s busy planning that ... erm, event with her other friends, Twilight has her own duties, Rainbow is in the middle of her work shift, and Pinkie ... well, Aloe and Lotus still haven’t quite forgiven her for the Frosting Incident. I was afraid I would have to go through the day alone, but if you wouldn’t mind keeping me company, I would welcome it.”
I was briefly tempted to ask exactly what the ‘Frosting Incident’ was, but knowing Pinkie the explanation would only lead to even more questions. In any case, Rarity was saving me a long wait, and I wasn’t going to look the gift horse in the mouth. “Sounds great, thanks.” I frowned as I thought back to the rest of what she’d said. “So, you heard about the protest Eepy’s planning?”
“It came up.” Rarity answered with a carefully polite smile that revealed nothing about her thoughts on the matter. “Fluttershy was very emphatic about how much she disagreed with what Twilight was doing. It was a bit surprising, actually.”
I sighed and slumped down into the chair until I felt like a sack of loose potatoes. “Yeah, it sure caught Twilight off guard. So what do you think about—”
I cut myself off when Lotus poked her head through the doors. “Excuse me, Meez Rarity, but we are ready for you.”
“Hold onto that thought, Cloud.” Rarity murmured before turning her attention to the spa pony. “Lotus, darling, would you mind if Cloud takes Applejack’s spot for our appointment? Applejack can’t make it, and Cloud’s been having a bit of a rough day.” She stepped over and whispered something to Lotus, making the other’s eyes flick over to my bloated belly. Easy enough to guess what she’d said.
Lotus nodded as soon as Rarity was done. “Not a problem at all, Meez Rarity!” She smiled politely at me, and her eyes flicked down to my belly again. “Though I’m afraid you will have to skip the hot tub, steam room, and anything else like that.”
I frowned. “I thought it was supposed to be okay as long as I didn’t stay in for too long.”
“It is,” Lotus conceded. “But we would rather not take any chances. If anything were to happen to your child because you stayed in the sauna for a bit too long...”
I sighed, but didn’t argue the point. Better safe than sorry. Rarity smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind skipping a few of the usual amenities. Your company will more than make up for it.”
Lotus nodded and opened the door for both of us. “Don't worry, we can more than make up for it with our other services.”
I nodded along, following behind Rarity and Lotus at the fastest waddle I could manage. Since we were walking through the middle of the spa, I decided to stick with slightly safer small talk. “So ... heard you got a new shop in Canterlot.”
Rarity beamed at me. “Oh, yes, I did. It really is a fine establishment. And at such a wonderful location. It was a bit rough getting it started at first, but there will always be a few little stumbles when expanding a business. Especially somewhere as competitive as Canterlot.”
“Yeah, I can believe that.” If I’d been a bit closer to her, I probably would’ve hugged her or something. “I’m glad you're finally getting the recognition you deserve. Eepy said you’re scouting for locations in Manehattan now.”
She nodded eagerly. “It’s the next logical place to go. If you want to be somepony in the fashion world, you have to be established there. Honestly, you would not believe how hard it was to get my designs taken seriously once everypony found out that my shop was in Ponyville. Twilight’s done wonders for increasing the town’s profile ever since she became a princess, but before then ponies treated me like some sort of rustic backcountry illiterate. Even the nicer ones would always say how impressive my dresses were ... considering I was from a rural area.”
I grimaced and shook my head. “Yeah, that was part of why my parents weren’t wild about me moving out here at first. Always bugging me about what I could possibly hope to do with my life in a small town with no prospects for upward mobility.” I grimaced as I remembered the promotion I’d missed out on due to my baby bump. Probably best to change the subject. “Well, I hope you pull it off. I know I guard my one Rarity-original dress zealously.”
Rarity grinned and leaned in conspiratorially. “Well, if you like it that much, it doesn't need to be your only Rarity-original. Feel free to stop by my shop anytime for a fitting.”
I snickered. “No wonder you're expanding so fast—you’re as good at sales as you are at sewing.”
Rarity primly lifted her nose into the air. “A proper lady simply must have a range of talents to succeed in such a competitive market. Especially since until recently this was an entirely one-mare operation. It is nice to finally be able to delegate a bit.”
Lotus nodded along. “Aloe and I were happy when our spa got big enough to justify hiring some staff. It is so nice to not have to do everything ourselves.” She led us into the massage room, frowning at the tables. Lying down on my belly while they worked over my back wasn’t exactly an option. Instead she went over to one of the chairs and made a couple adjustments before waving me over. “If you give us a bit of advanced notice, per'aps we can have Bulk build a table out of clouds to accommodate your condition.”
I grimaced and shook my head. “I think I'll pass on having Bulk work me over until I'm ... ever. Besides, if I’d thought about it I could’ve grabbed some and made it for myself.” For a moment I was tempted to go do that anyway, but ... nah. Too much effort. I settled into the seat, turning my attention back to Rarity. “Yeah, I think I’ll stop by, if only to pick up some sort of maternity wear. I’m already gross and bloated, so I might as well cover it up with something pretty.”
Rarity blinked and shook her head. “Oh heavens no, you're as beautiful as ever. If anything, I would say you look even better now that you’ve acquired a bit of glowing maternal beauty.” She settled down onto a table opposite me. “Though some maternity wear would certainly enhance what nature has already given you. Not to mention I could whip up some clothes for the little one once it arrives. I assume it will be a pegasus, but do you know if it will be a colt or a filly yet?”
“Not yet.” I groaned as Lotus got to work on my shoulders. “But yeah, some baby clothes wouldn't be a bad idea. I know Fluttershy was...” Mentioning Eepy’s name proved to be the ultimate mood killer, and Lotus murmured unhappily as she suddenly found a whole lot more tension in my shoulders.
Rarity shot a frown my way as Aloe trotted in and got to work on her. Judging by her next question, she’d figured out what was on my mind.“So, we were talking about the protest Fluttershy's organizing?”
I shot a look Lotus’s way as the mare set her magic hooves to work on my own poor swollen ones. My normal inclination was to keep my mouth shut about my private business, since that was how it stopped being private and started becoming gossip. However, Aloe and Lotus had to have overheard tons of gossip running a spa, and Rarity was smart enough to know whether they’d spread it around. If she was comfortable raising the topic in front of them, it was probably safe. After all, she wouldn’t want to spread any rumors that would give Fluttershy a hard time.
Besides, after everything that had happened, I really wanted a sympathetic ear. “Yeah, about that. I kinda ... well, we had a bit of a difference of opinion on the subject. It’s ... well, I support her for standing up for what she believes in and everything, but I think Twilight has the right idea. I’d been keeping my mouth shut, because I knew if she found out she’d be upset. Well ... it came out, and she got upset. After that ... things got said, you know how it goes.”
“Entirely too well, darling,” she agreed with a sympathetic smile. “Applejack and I have had a few minor little tiffs in the past, and once we’re both a bit upset...” She cleared her throat and said no more. “Though honestly, it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise you would be more comfortable with the idea of Twilight’s Guards combing the woods for monsters, and even us pushing the Everfree back a bit. Applejack is of two minds on the prospect: she likes the idea of more farmland, but she wouldn’t want anything to disrupt the zap apple crop.”
Oh right, all the weird magic in the Everfree might be part of why those apples grew the way they did. That did complicate things a bit. “I’m sure Twilight would check for that kind of thing first. Between how smart she is and the fact that my cousin would be running the whole operation, I’m pretty sure they’ll get it right.”
“Of course, it’s only natural that you’d support your cousin,” Rarity agreed. “You already agree with the goal she’s working towards, not to mention that she’s family.”
“Yeah.” I groaned and flopped listlessly as Lotus got to work on my last hoof. “But I hate fighting with Fluttershy of all ponies. I mean ... she's Fluttershy.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Rarity assured me. “It feels cruel whenever I have to disagree with her on a topic. She’s been getting much better about standing up for herself, but it’s still a bit hard to get passionately behind a topic without feeling like I’m browbeating her into submission.”
“Exactly.” I ran my freed hoof through my mane as Lotus shifted her attention to my wings. “She’s confident enough to have her own opinion and stand up for it, but I’m not sure she’s confident to handle me disagreeing with her.”
“You’re both very passionate about the subject,” Rarity pointed out. “Protecting and taking care of animals has always been Fluttershy’s greatest ambition in life, so of course she’d get wrapped up in doing that. You see her concerns as a less-than-flattering opinion of your family and the Guard in general, and your cousin in particular. With a mix that volatile, it’s a wonder you two didn’t have a spat sooner.”
“Sounds about right.” I spread out my other wing for Lotus to work her magic. “So ... not sure what to do about all this. Right now I feel like a bit of a mule for getting mad at Fluttershy ... but I also still feel like I was right to get mad at her, but I hate being mad at her so how can it also be right for me to—” I groaned and buried my face in my hooves.
Rarity frowned, thoughtfully rubbing her chin. “I won’t pretend to be an expert, but if you want my advice, I recommend telling Fluttershy that while you do disagree with her, you also respect her position. It would probably be best if you avoid any further discussion of the topic until things have settled down a bit. I’m sure you’ve heard the old wisdom about never talking about politics around the dinner table.”
“Definitely something worth remembering,” I grunted as Lotus worked my muscles.
Rarity reached out and gave my hoof a quick pat. “I’m sorry if that's not the magical perfect answer you're looking for, but I don’t think either of you is likely to change your mind about this, and clearly pretending you agree isn’t a viable option. Sometimes in a relationship, you have to draw the lines and acknowledge that while you have opposing opinions, that doesn’t change how you feel about each other. I know that’s been been the case with myself and Applejack.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s pretty much the bottom line.” It wouldn’t make the problem go away. We could just agree to disagree. After all, we were both mature adults. Well, Eepy was a mature adult, and I was capable of pretending to be one.
I was about to thank her for the advice when somepony knocked on the door. Since the employees usually didn’t knock, I was curious enough to turn my head so I could see who it was when Lotus trotted over to answer. Blossom poked her head in, smiling nervously “Um ... hey, Cloudy. Took me a bit to find you.”
“Oh.” I was glad Lotus had gone to answer the door instead of Aloe. Made things slightly less awkward to not be in the middle of a massage. “Hey, Blossom. Guess you’re here to play the peacemaker with me and Eepy?”
She answered with a strained smile. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Lotus and Aloe traded a look, then discreetly slipped out of the room. I sighed and took Blossom’s hoof, giving it a quick squeeze. “I guess with me and Eepy arguing, you are kinda stuck in the middle. Sorry.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me.” She teasingly poked me with a wingtip, then whispered into my ear. “Perhaps by letting me get stuck in the middle in a much more satisfying way than I am right now.”
Rarity delicately cleared her throat. “Do you two wish to be alone?”
I hesitated. “I’d hate to chase you out from the middle of your own spa visit, Rarity, but this is kinda...” She nodded understandingly and followed the spa twins out. Once I was alone with Blossom, I got down to business. “So let me guess, Fluttershy feels about as bad as I do about the whole fight?”
Blossom sighed and nodded. “She was beating herself up pretty bad about it. She wanted to drop everything and come running after you, but...” She grimaced and shook her head. “Probably not the best idea right now. You’re both probably still a bit too worked up to really settle things, and afterwards she’d feel horrible about abandoning the protest on top of everything else.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Even with half a massage and some venting to help me unwind, I wasn’t ready to talk to Eepy yet. “I guess ... tell her I feel pretty rotten too, and that we’ll talk and work things out after the protest?”
She frowned uncertainly. “You sure you want to wait that long? I mean ... if you’re not gonna talk to her until after the protest settles down, that’s gonna be a couple days.”
“Yeah, but trying to talk to her about how I don’t like the protest while our house is full of people getting ready for it doesn’t sound like a great idea.” I shifted around on the chair to find a more natural sitting position for a proper conversation. “Besides, I know how much this matters to her. Trying to talk out all our stuff in the middle of that would just distract her. Once the whole thing is over, it’ll be a lot easier for us to sit down and talk about it without getting worked up.”
“Fair enough.” She hesitated. “So ... that means you won’t be coming home tonight?”
“Afraid not.” After all, Eepy was letting Tree Hugger and some of the others use our guest bedroom and couches. “I’ll probably go crash with...”
I trailed off uncertainly, trying to decide who I could stay with. Twilight was obviously out. She might have plenty of extra room in her palace, but it would come across the wrong way after we’d just had a fight over her protesting against something Twilight planned to do.
Derpy then? She’d certainly be nice and welcoming, and I was guaranteed to get tons of hugs between her, Sparkler, and Dinky. Hay, I’d be lucky if I could detach Dinky without a crowbar once she heard I was feeling down. I just wasn’t sure about dropping in unannounced on them. You didn’t do that to ponies with a family unless it was a real emergency. On top of that ... well, they’d certainly shower me with plenty of love and attention, but maybe it would end up being way too much. I just wasn’t in the mood to have Dinky consistently hug me until I stopped being sad, or have Derpy and Sparkler offer lots of friendly support and advice.
Dash? Well, leaving aside how much she would fuss at me for flying all the way up to her cloud-house ... I dunno. Sure, she’d let me stay at her place for as long as I needed, but she wouldn’t just sit back and do nothing while Eepy and I worked things out. Rainbow would want to get involved and help us, which was a wonderful sentiment but ... maybe not the best idea. Rainbow was not the most subtle and sensitive pony, and was absolutely terrible when it came to being objective. If she wound up picking a side and giving whoever she disagreed with a piece of her mind ... well, her help might just make things worse. Not to mention she’d worry way too much about my baby bump.
What I needed was somepony who could be supportive, but who would know when to back off and just let me relax and clear my head. Somepony who understood enough about relationships to let me work it out my way, but could give me some good advice when I needed it.
When I thought about it like that, the answer was obvious. “I’ll be staying with Lyra and Bon Bon for a bit.”
“Oh.” Judging by the frown on her face, she’d been expecting somepony else. Probably Rainbow or Derpy. “Right, I’ll let her know.”
“Yeah.” I hesitated, not quite sure how to bring up the next issue. “You’re, uh, you’re with her on the protest thing, right?”
She bit her lip and shuffled uncomfortably, but nodded. “Yeah, I’m not sure about messing with the Everfree when it’s always been so weird and unpredictable. I’d rather not wake something up or make the forest go crazy again. Plus...” She shrugged. “Well, even if I’m not as fired up about it as she is, it’s obviously really important to her, and she’s really important to me.”
“Alright then.” I took a deep breath. “I guess ... could you be there for her and support her when I can't?”
“Of course.” Blossom hugged me. “Fair warning, she’ll probably want me to do the same thing for you, and I’m not gonna spend all day running back and forth between our house and Bon Bon’s. Soon as the demonstration is over, you two better patch things up.”
“Can do.” I grinned and stole a quick kiss from her. “Thanks, BendyFlex.”
Blossom returned the kiss, but rolled her eyes. “I still have no idea where you came up with that name from.” She gave my belly a quick rub. “Let me know if anything changes, and you better come home as soon as things settle down. Got it?”
“Got it.” As she turned around I couldn’t resist the urge to swat at her rump with a wing. In my defense, it was a very nice rump. Blossom yipped in surprise, then grinned at me over her shoulder and made sure to sway her hips a little bit on the way out.
Once she was gone,Rarity and the twins filtered back in. “I do hope everything went alright, darling.”
I nodded. “Yeah, Eepy feels bad too, and we’re gonna work things out once it all blows over.” I sighed and rearranged myself so Lotus could get back to work. “It's ... well I was pretty sure we’d end up doing that anyway, but it’s nice to have that officially established.”
Rarity nodded understandingly. “I know exactly what you mean. Now then, that’s enough worrying about your relationships, let’s relax and enjoy ourselves.”
After a nice, long, relaxing stay at the spa I was feeling pretty good. I’m sure if Tree Hugger had been around, she would have gone on about how all my chakras were clear and I was at one with the universe, in a perfect state of zen. Things with Eepy were ... maybe not completely settled, but a lot better than they’d been and we had a clear path to fixing up the rest of it. I was certainly feeling a lot less stressed than I’d been a couple hours ago.
Then I walked into the front door of Twilight’s palace.
With a flash of light, Twilight appeared next to one of her guards I hadn’t met yet. “No no no, you need to hang the banner behind that crystal, not in front of it!” She teleported next to Spike. “Have you gotten my regalia cleaned up yet? I know I usually don’t wear it, but Celestia said it was important for me to be as formal and respectful to the Archon as possible!” She zapped over to Pinkie Pie. “We need to have everything ready for the welcoming reception. Have you finished everything on the primary checklist? We still need to get through the secondary, tertiary, and quaternary lists before the Archon arrives! We’re not going to be ready in time!”
“Ooooh boy.” This was a long way from the most stressed I’d ever seen her, but once Twilight started getting this way there was always a risk that it would keep building up until she had a complete meltdown. As the bearer of bad news, I would almost certainly be pushing her a little bit closer to that point.
Storm flapped over and took one look at my face. “It did not go well with Fluttershy?”
I grimaced and nodded. “How’d you guess?”
Storm answered in a perfect deadpan. “You look like somepony who just realized you walked right into the middle of a forest fire while carrying a cart full of flammable oil.”
I groaned and ran a hoof down my face. “That’s a distressingly apt metaphor.”
Spike tiptoed over to us, keeping a wary eye out for the princess. “I guess it was too much to hope that Fluttershy would drop the whole thing at the last minute. So how bad is it?”
“Pretty bad.” I grimaced and looked out the window. “She’s got a lot more ponies backing her up than I expected, and they’re not quitting. In fact, finding out about the Archon thing seems to have encouraged them. More attention for the cause.”
“Well that’s just great,” Spike scowled and shook his head. “Reminds me about a book Twilight made me read said about this type of thing. Something about how you can put pressure on somepony by making them look bad to somepony whose opinion they care about.”
Twilight was definitely pretty worried about making a good impression on the Archon, so if that was Fluttershy’s plan she was off to a good start. “Well ... who wants the honor of giving her the bad news?” I waited a couple seconds to see if either of them were stupid enough to volunteer, then got to the important job of covering my own plot. “Not it!”
“Not it,” Storm followed up a second later, her reflexes honed by many years of growing up with a bratty little sister.
Spike scowled at both of us. “Seriously, you two?” When neither of us budged, he groaned and slapped his forehead. “Fiiine. But only because I know more about how to handle her when she’s like this than either of you.”
“See, this is why we nominated you to give her the news.” I gave him an encouraging nudge towards the irate princess. “We have absolute faith in your ability to handle this situation better than we could. Now go do it.”
“We believe in you,” Storm deadpanned so perfectly I couldn’t tell if she was serious or not.
Spike groaned and trudged to his doom. “Hey, um, Twilight. There’s something you need to know about...”
“What is it Spike?” Twilight snapped irritably. “Is it important? Because I just found out that someone sent the wrong music to the Ponytones for Freeport’s national anthem.” She scoffed and shook her head. “Everypony knows that Ruler of the Waves isn’t actually Freeport’s anthem, it’s just a popular patriotic song that became associated with Freeport because their actual anthem Stand As One had a melody similar to several other popular songs at the time it was composed. Probably because the original version was improvised on the spot during the revolution against Pirate King Darksword the Plutocrat. Do you realize what this means?!”
“Um...” I could see Spike sweating. “That ... the Ponytones might sing the wrong song?”
“Yes!” Twilight shouted. “The anthem is part of the formal greeting ceremony, so it’s a vital part of forming her first impression. What will the Archon think of me if I can’t even get her national anthem right?!”
“Uh...” Spike took a deep breath. “Anyway, about that news. Cloud has something really important she needs to tell you.”
Oh, that little...
Spike darted out of sight, leaving Twilight with an open line of approach to me. I was briefly tempted to make a run for it, but there was no way I could outrun the teleporting princess. Oh well, nothing for it now but to get it over with. “I talked to Fluttershy, and she’s not going to back down. I’m pretty sure the only way to make her quit is to give her what she wants.”
Twilight ran a hoof down her face and then groaned so loudly it bordered on a frustrated scream. “So much for that. I can’t believe that Fluttershy of all ponies is planning to make me look bad in front of the Archon!”
I tried to play the peacemaker. “I don’t think she’s trying to make you look bad. She just ... you know, wants to protect animals and nature and all that horseapples.”
Twilight sighed and waved concedingly. “I know, I know. She’s just super-focused on that, to the point of ignoring everything else going on. I’m a princess, I can’t just worry about the animals and the trees while ignoring what everypony else in Ponyville needs! I tried to give her a chance to meet me halfway and make sure we made the process as nature-friendly as possible, but she’s being completely unreasonable!” Twilight groaned and shook her head, then took a couple deep breaths. “I just ... I know she thinks this is too important, but I’m already up to my horn in problems and I really don’t need her adding to the pile.”
She seemed to be settling down a little bit, and I definitely wanted to encourage that. “Hey, relax. I’m sure you’ll have everything ready in time.”
Twilight took another deep breath. “Of course, you’re right. Sorry, it’s just little stressful trying to...” She trailed off, looking at something over my shoulder. Her eye started twitching, and I wisely got out of her way before the storm hit. “Oh, come on! The banner is... how can ...what the ... how can you misspell Freeport?! It’s only eight letters long, spelled exactly like it sounds! F-R-E-E-P-O-R-T!” She blasted the banner to nonexistence and started pacing frantically. “First the anthem was wrong, and then there was the mixup in the food order, and we still don’t have an exact arrival time for when the Archon’s arriving, just an estimate. I don’t even know if Celestia or any of the other princesses will be here, because I haven’t gotten an answer to the last letter I sent her. Oh, and let's not forget that the guest rooms aren't ready yet. Because they all need to be ready since we don’t know exactly how many are in the Archon’s party, and we need to be ready to make special accommodations for all the non-ponies with her. Then there’s—”
Storm stepped forward and pointedly cleared her throat. “Highness, perhaps you should make a list of everything we still need to take care of?”
Twilight teleported over to Storm and gave her a quick hug. “Yes! That’s it! A list! Spike, help me make a list!”
Spike popped out from wherever he’d been hiding. “Sure thing. Just let me...” He reached into his bag and pulled out a quill and ink, then several scrolls. Just when it was looking like he had things under control, he unrolled them to reveal that they’d already been used. “Uh-oh.”
Twilight closed her eyes for several seconds, then in a deceptively calm tone said.“Just pull from my spares in the library.”
“We already used those.” Spike pointed to one of the lists, which had ‘Refill spare scroll stockpile’ written right at the top.
Twilight’s eye started twitching again. “Okay. Okay. This is okay. This why we have an emergency backup scroll stockpile.”
“We used those to make all the sheet music for the band and the Ponytones,” Spike answered, flinching a bit as he added, “The ... uh ... apparently for the wrong song.”
This time her ear joined her eye in twitching. “Alright. Alright. Everything is still fine. There’s still the emergency secondary backup scroll stash.”
Spike cringed and held up his filled scrolls. “That’s where I got these from. They were the last ones left.”
Twilight smiled, or at least made a facial expression that was somewhat similar to a smile in that it exposed her teeth. “I think I must have misunderstood you, Spike. I thought you said we were completely out of writing material, despite the fact that I have a stash of blank scrolls and not one but two emergency backup stashes. But that’s impossible. How could I possibly be out of scrolls?” She gave him a quick pat on the head, her hoof lingering for just a second too long. “I’m sure you were just joking with me. You’re such a kidder, aren’t you Spike? That was so funny.” She ... made noises that might technically qualify as laughter if you used an especially loose definition of the term.
I was just about to bolt for the nearest exit when Storm saved us all. “One moment, Highness.” She dug around in her own saddlebag and pulled out a scroll. “I kept a spare copy of the sheet music for Ruler of the Waves. We can make a list on the back of it.”
Twilight’s facial expression returned to something resembling how an actual pony should look, though her eye was still twitching. “But ... we don’t write on the back of scrolls. The ink would get messy.”
Spike unrolled the scroll, then flipped the paper around. “Better?”
“Yes.” Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and when she opened them she looked almost like her old self again. “So, first things first, we need to refill the secondary emergency scroll stockpile. Then the primary emergency stockpile. Then the main scroll stash. We should also take an inventory of quills and ink to make sure we’re not running low on those. After that we can...”
Storm let out a long breath as Twilight slowly settled down while rattling off more and more items for her to-do list. She must have caught the look on my face, because she dropped her voice to explain. “List-making often helps calm the princess when she become ... agitated. It allows her to impose order on a chaotic situation.”
“Riiight.” I hadn’t ever seen her in the midst of one of her full-fledged breakdowns, but it was hard to argue with the results. Still... “You know, if your mother was here, I’m not sure whether she would praise you for helping her find a good coping mechanism or grump at you for enabling her ... um ... that.”
Storm shrugged. “If it calms the princess down, lets her organize everything, and allows us to finish preparing everything in time for the Archon’s visit...”
“Point.” It was hard to argue with her results, but I wasn’t about to stick around to see if her methods actually worked. “Well, good luck with that.” I made a hasty exit before Twilight ran out of parchment and left her happy place.
By the time I got out of the palace, I was ready to call it a day. I’d been running back and forth between Eepy and Twilight trying to mediate things only to watch the situation get worse. Dealing with Twilight’s near-miss with stress overload had pretty much burned away most of the benefit I’d gotten out of my trip to the spa with Rarity. I was tired, sore, grumpy, and had just generally had a less-than-great day.
The perfect state for going up to an old friend and asking for a huge favor.
I pounded on Bon Bon’s door until Lyra answered. “Hey Kicky, what’s—whoa, what happened to you? Is everything okay?”
I had no idea what I looked like, but it must’ve been pretty bad if Lyra could tell something was wrong just by looking at me. I decided to keep it short and simple. “Fluttershy and Twilight aren’t getting along. Tried to fix it. Now Fluttershy and I aren’t getting along either. Mind if I borrow your guest bedroom?”
Lyra blinked a couple times, then slowly opened the door for me. “Uh ... yeah, no problem.” She tried to work a friendly grin onto her face. “You wanna talk abou—”
“No.” A second later I realized I was probably being a bit too brusque, and moderated my tone. “Sorry, it’s been a long, unpleasant, and stressful day. Is it okay if I take a nap to get rid of Grumpy Nag Cloud and bring back Lovable Goofball Pervert Cloud?”
“Yeah, no problem.” She gave me a quick hug, but backed off as soon as it was clear I wasn’t in a hugging mood either. “I’ll go get sheets on the bed and let Bonnie know what’s up.”
I took a deep breath and managed to get a bit less grouchy. “Thanks. You’re a good friend. I owe you one. You and Bon Bon.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she assured me. “Just get your beautiful pregnant self in bed and rest up until you feel better. You know stress is bad for the baby.”
“Then tell the world to stop stressing me out,” I grumbled as I waddled my bloated pregnant body back to the guest bedroom.