Discord smiled as he arose from bed after surviving his tea party with Fluttershy. Never before had he actually been in danger of perishing, despite Celestia's best efforts. It was at the same time absolutely terrifying and a huge rush.
He shouldn't be able to die. After all, fading away was one of the ultimate forms of order. Everything that had harmony came to an end.
And then his musings jumped three feet to the right of him, as another him showed up wearing curlers in his hair. “You know, there's barely been enough chaos for one of us, let alone all of us. One of us needs to get out and work, and support this family, and that slacker isn't going to do it...”
His worse half gestured around his home. One copy of him held a rose under its chest, laying on his ceiling.
“Ugh, you're right, that layabout's been asleep for so long he might actually be dead!” Discord grimaced, but then he grinned. “I have an idea, actually. My favorite Pony Princess...wait...did we ever work out if Twilight became my new favorite?”
“We never did put it to a vote...so, all in favor of Celestia still being our favorite pony Princess?”
“Aye!” six eyes proclaimed, popping out of their heads.
“All opposed?”
Dead silence.
“The eyes have it!” Discord thrust his eyes back into his head. “As I was saying, my favorite pony Princess, well, she deserves a little reward. She did sponsor my redemption, and she's asked for so little in return.”
“Of course, she has also made things so difficult for us throughout the centuries.”
“Oh I know, but still, that's why she won't expect a boon, and 'tis better to give than receive, no?”
“She always was the more giving of the sisters. Remember when Luna took the horns from our head? She was quite a precocious child!”
“We'll have to reward Luna, too, if we see her.”
“The only reward Luna needs is some extra time to sleep,” the possum playing Discord murmured as he rolled over, “I know I wish I could get some more.”
“Hm...not a bad plan, me. We best be off to Canterlot, then.”
Discord walked up the stairs to no where, and his duplicates melted into the floor and ceiling.
Celestia, in the mean time, was conducting what might be known as an important luncheon to the nobles of Canterlot. Truth be told, though, it wasn't even a proper diplomatic affair.
Though the mares and stallions alike preened so wonderfully, they all had so much to learn from Twilight Sparkle. They hid their intentions behind veils of deception, their bits were held in iron hooves of stinginess, and if they had kindness it had not been seen for ages!
It irked her so that things were so simple as they had used to be. The Olden Ways, as brutish as they could be, were at least straightforward.
Punish those who break the rules. If the punishment was vicious, it was only proof that the crime was heinous. Ponies who submitted learned to stay in line.
Fight those who do not submit to punishment. Most yielded once they saw her in action, or got a cut or two. Those who watched learned to respect the Princesses as worthy fighters.
Slay those who get in the way. That had been easy, when she was smaller and had less to account for. Recently, she found that she could barely stomach such things. Those who thought the Princesses too merciful would die.
Worse, such ways also led to the rift that ended with Luna on the moon...and more than a few rebellions. Too many ponies were injured or killed not because they were bad in those revolutions, but because they had wanted a better life.
The soft-hoofed approaches, as roundabout as they were, at least made the rebellious souls more likely to try to work with or manipulate the system without resorting to force.
The real downside was having to perfect a fake smile for the benefit of so many arrogant souls.
She smiled, as if she was really pleased by the joke of the bore of a pegasus next to her. A pity that the unicorns would neglect their (politely unspoken) prejudice against 'airheads' to allow such a windbag next to her.
If it weren't for the way the black pegasus with the jade green mane talked and acted, she'd fit in well anywhere. Charity and innovation made friends of all kinds, after all. However, snootiness meant one could only find willing company in the upper classes of Manehattan and the Canterlot.
Even magic, however, could not change the ruts these ponies had dug over centuries. Ponyville had only done so well in defying that sort of tendency. Perhaps if she was permitted to let Pinkie Pie run wild for a few weeks, Twilight could ensure these ponies were brought to heel. Who could stand up to a weaponized Pinkie Pie for long?
You'd either be annoyed or amused into utter submission.
“Princess?” that hot air blowing pegasus just barely murmured.
Celestia smiled, fearing she had been caught daydreaming or, worse, had giggled aloud. “I'm sorry, Lady Dandelion, you were saying?”
“B-b-behind you, Princess!” one of the Royal Guard called.
Giving a great beat of her wings, she leaped, spun, and landed on the table.
“Oh, it's just you.” Celestia fought the natural urge to scowl and the peculiar urge to smile, for she was allowed no emotion in this sort of scenario. To show anger was to imply that the matter was worth being bothered by and to smile was to approve of his actions.
Discord wasn't welcome, and he would probably cause quite a stir that she'd have to deal with later. However, these ponies feared him even though he was utterly bound to her service. Yes, he had misbehaved a few times, but...these ponies' facades crumbled before something they feared so much. It stirred feelings of jealousy in the dark part of her that still thought they should feel that way about her.
“Hello, Princess, nobles of Canterlot, and you, Lady Dandelion, I hear your cloud sharing proposal was a jolly good hit.” He smiled and doffed the top hat on his head.
“T-thank you?” Lady Dandelion managed to say.
“Oh no, thank you. It's because of ponies like you that Princess Celestia's work gets easier.” He offered a bow, losing both his hat and his monocle.
“Discord.” Celestia mustered her stern voice. “You know it is rude to attend a banquet to which you did not receive an invitation.”
There was quiet murmuring of agreement behind her, but these spineless nobles would know nothing of solidarity with their monarch as soon as things got tough.
He frowned, so wounded, and gasped. “But I have it right here!”
A folded piece of pink construction paper spread out in front of him until it was large enough to read at the back of the room. The purple crayon writing was framed with golden glitter.
You'we invited!
And then he opened it up.
To my best fwiend, Discowd:
You awe cowdiawwy invited to my banquet today in Cantewwot Castwe.
Youw best frwend,
Tia
For what it was worth, it was a rather good impression of a school filly's drawing of him and her having a tea party. No one dared to even squeak as she took in the display in front of her.
Still, she rolled her eyes and stepped down from the table. “If there's nothing you need to discuss, we need to get back to the business at hand.”
“We do, Princess. You're working too hard. Look at you, not even chuckling or smiling at the warm memories of the card you made for me.” He snapped his fingers and the card burst into crimson flame.
“No duty is too hard or burden too heavy for the citizens of Equestria,” she said with conviction.
Even Discord, with his silver tongue, could not slip that kind of thought into her head. He could do many things to her, truthfully, but she did not fear his normal japes and routines. He could try to humiliate her and fail, so long as she did not rise to the bait.
Compared to the nobles who wanted things far more precious from her than to 'get her goat', he was toothless.
“And yet, my dear friend Fluttershy told me once that if one runs herself ragged for the things she cares for, she runs the risk of hurting the things she cares for and herself, and benefiting neither.”
“Which is why I always go to bed early, so I can rise early with the sun,” she said with such practice that he nearly gagged as the words rolled off of her tongue.
“Now now, Celestia, I know that's a lie; you rise before you raise the sun.” He grinned at his little victory, and said, “I remember you before you took over stewardship of the sun, and I dare say: you are carrying a lot of stress in your face.”
She felt the flow of his magic, and was ever so glad that she was still facing away from the majority of her subjects.
Vanity was a terrible quality, and she had just enough to want her subjects to always see her at her best.
She lowered her voice and flared her horn. “Discord...”
“Oh this is terrible!” he said, spawning a stethoscope and putting it to her forehead, “the stressoscope says it's gone straight to your brain! This is terminal, I must operate!”
All too quickly, she was behind a hospital privacy screen and the magic in her horn had fizzled.
“What are you doing?!?” she screamed into the 'stressoscope', but the buds weren't even in his ears any more.
“Just something to help, Princess, don't worry, you won't feel a thing.”
Not a single pony was convinced of his good intentions, least of all Celestia, but she was the only one who could not even move as he descended upon her with such a friendly looking smile.
Of course, the doors did not budge when panicked unicorns tried to move them with magic, and the windows repelled Lady Dandelion with all of the power of a trampoline when she tried to take to the skies.
“No, my little ponies,” Discord said with a chuckle, “you'll all want to be here to see this!”
That was the last thing the ponies in the dining hall heard before the screaming began: first their Princess's and then their own.
Even the guards did not dare disturb what no doubt was the most vicious murder to occur in Equestria's history.
Of course, then somepony noticed that the Princess wasn't screaming any more.
Lady Dandelion was the first to notice, and she along with the others began to gawk. One even took a few steps forward but chickened out.
Then the guards approached in formation, magic at the ready.
Then, one stripped one of the privacy screens by its mounting on the ceiling.
Everyone who dared to look gasped.
Their Princess wasn't murdered, but...
“Well, I've done all I could, but I think the patient will make a full recovery.” Discord strode out, in full scrubs, and took a bow, gesturing toward the short white filly standing where the Princess had been. The Sun Crown slipped from her head, and she stepped out of her golden hoof guards. Her long pink mane was formed of curls that hung simply from her head.
“Ponies of Canterlot! Kneel before the Sun Queen!” she proclaimed in a squeaky voice.
Lady Dandelion bowed instantly. The guards followed. Most of the others stammered. Some made the mistake of giggling.
With speed unnatural for one of her size, she flew forward into the faces of a few laughing mares and raised her voice until it rumbled the stones beneath her feet as she shouted, “ON YOUR KNEES, PONIES!”
And so everyone knelt.
Discord rose from his bow and clapped his hands. “Well done, Sun Queen! You have brought order to the dining hall. What's next?”
And that made the alicorn filly pause. “There's more to be done, of course. But what first?”
“Well, Canterlot could use a fair bit of assistance. Ponies are playing the fool, and they're pretending to have fun while doing it.”
“What? Buffoonery is not banned within our kingdom.”
“No, no, my Queen, not casual every day oaf behavior, but, they're...disrespecting your edicts! They focus on frivolity rather than training or focusing on running the realm!”
Celestia's eyes widened. Her magenta gaze briefly flashed red. She shrieked. “We'll slaughter them!”
Discord coiled lightly around her and gently waved a claw in her face. “Now now, Sun Queen, a sound...thrashing is enough for the worst of offenses, no need to kill anypony.”
That red gaze met his and, for a moment, her horn glowed. The golden light faded, however, and instead she nodded her head. “Yes, they'll be needed for our efforts. Discord, guards, hold these wasteful ponies here...except Lady Dandelion, bring her to us.”
When the guards remained still, Discord snapped his fingers as he uncurled from the Sun Queen.
The floor under her slid underneath her, dragging her prone form before her Queen.
“Your majesty?” she asked, trembling.
“Your service to our realm in a time where so many ponies forget themselves and their duty is admirable. Return to Cloudsdale and never let other ponies forget that if they act at the expense of their fellow ponies, they will face our wrath.”
“Yes my queen!” Lady Dandelion ran without thinking, but thankfully the door threw itself open for her.
A few others tried to flee, but the guards sprang into action.
“Let us go, you goons!” they squawked as they were herded back.
“No.” A guardsmare stomped her hoof and held her ground. “I don't know what's going on, but her orders are still sacrosanct, agreed?”
The guards all nodded their assent.
As a single unlucky pony made a break for it, Discord lassoed him. “Come now, did you think I would allow a pony to disobey an order from the Queen of Equestria?"
Though they cursed Discord and their luck, the nobles had no choice. They were powerless in the face of trained guardsponies. They could only hope rescue would come or that their captors would waver and allow them to escape.