Apple Bloom stared up at the ceiling.
“Apple Bloom! Time to get up!”
The foal sighed a little, then stretched slowly up towards the roof with forelegs that felt like they were made of lead; they quavered for a moment as they seemed to reach for something greater than the life they had been born into, and then they dropped back across the foal's face. The child mumbled, before grimacing when there was a knock at the door before it was pushed open, and the all-too-familiar hooves of the middle child of the family strode inside.
Apple Bloom peered through crossed forelegs at her, and Applejack smiled back before she said in a gentler voice than the foal really deserved: “Come on, you slept in. You gotta uh... do your morning stuff.”
“Yeah.” Apple Bloom smiled briefly, looking at Applejack for a few moments. Applejack smiled back, and while it was an awkward smile, there was a kindness there and a willingness, an attempt to understand that... Apple Bloom always appreciated. “Thanks.”
“We'll be waitin' for you.” Applejack said, and she left.
Apple Bloom rolled back to look at the ceiling, then sighed a little before sprawling out on the bed for a moment. Then, finally, the foal rolled over and swung out of bed, sighing a little.
Hooves dragged across the floor towards the bathroom, to begin that same morning ritual that the foal went through every morning. But every morning it seemed to take a little longer: it just seemed like there was more to do. And Apple Bloom thought it was because something was happening that no foal could escape forever: puberty.
Apple Bloom stepped up in front of the mirror, and a colt stared back. A colt with tired eyes and a slender, feminine body and an unkempt mane. Apple Bloom smiled faintly, and as the foal reached up, the colt in the mirror reached up as well, drawing his hooves across his cheeks before he grimaced as he traced them across his lips, then nervously down to his chin, where there was... was it getting a little scruffy?
Apple Bloom didn't want to be scruffy. Apple Bloom didn't want to be a colt at all, as a matter of fact: why, well... that was hard to say. She had simply never felt like a 'he:' as far back as she could remember, she had wanted to be treated as a she, she had wanted, felt with every fiber of her being, that she was supposed to have been born a filly.
She didn't know why: it just felt more comfortable to be she, to be her, more right. And maybe because they had lost their parents or maybe because she had just been so little when she had first started saying 'I want to be a girl,' Applejack and Big Mac had gone along with it at first, and of course Granny hadn't cared.
So she had become their 'little sister,' and it made her happy. Eventually, it had just become the natural thing to do, to say, and maybe they hadn't even really noticed how they went from calling her 'little sister' in private to simply accepting her as a filly instead of a colt, and introducing her as such, because it was so much easier to just play along than it was to try and explain to ponies who might not understand.
Of course some ponies outside the family knew: Rarity knew, because Rarity had made her clothes since she was a baby, and she and Applejack were good friends, in spite of their differences. Zecora knew, because Zecora seemed to know everything, and she and Apple Bloom had gotten to be good friends, anyway.
The foal looked back into the mirror, and the colt that looked back smiled briefly before he rubbed at his eyes, then sighed and brushed his mane back, murmuring: “Well, let's get ready.”
Every day, it seemed to take a little longer: there was more of that scruff to smooth out, because fillies were always so neat and so clean. While the foal's body was feminine, there were extra touches that had to be made to add that certain smoothness most fillies had, such as making sure those boy parts were as concealed as possible.
That wasn't too hard, at least right now with this prepubescent body. Apple Bloom was well-aware that it wouldn't be as easy as some makeup and a bit of sticky film forever, though. But she'd cross that bridge when it came time to.
She. She, she, she. Apple Bloom scowled into the mirror as she styled her mane, and now the colt in the mirror was starting to look a lot more like a filly. She'd learned that big pink bows and a big thick mane helped conceal her sex far better than any disguise or makeup did. She had learned that from Rarity, actually.
She, she, she.
Apple Bloom sighed quietly, then looked into the eyes of the filly that was now in the mirror, studying her intently, making sure there weren't any clear tells anymore than she wasn't really a she. But she couldn't see anything that jumped out, even if her eyes caught on every single imperfection in her body...
She grimaced a bit as she rose a leg slightly, studying it, then looking at herself, at her chest. She tilted her head back and forth as she bit her lip: she was getting bigger, wasn't she? No, that wasn't just it, she was getting thicker. And if her brother was any indication of what she was going to look like, well, she could just forget about pretending-
This was more than pretend, though! It wasn't like she wanted to be a filly just so that she could fit in or hang out with her friends. It just felt right to her, it just felt...
Apple Bloom shook her head vehemently, then blinked and glanced up as there was a gentle knock at the bathroom door before Applejack asked: “You okay in there, Bloom?”
“I... yeah.” Apple Bloom answered after a moment, and she bit her lip before shaking her head and adding: “I'll be right out.”
“Okay then. Remember, I need you to help out today with the stand for a few hours. Big Mac and I need to finish the work in the fields.” Applejack said through the door, and then there was simply an awkward shifting on the other side before her sister moved away.
Apple Bloom smiled briefly at this: Applejack honestly wanted to help, and she appreciated that, but she got a little awkward sometimes. They all did, she guessed: Apple Bloom herself wasn't always sure who she wanted to ask for help, her brother or her sister or even Granny. They were all good ponies, after all, ponies she could trust and talk to...
The problem wasn't that they didn't try to be sympathetic or understanding, the problem was that they couldn't understand what it was like, and Apple Bloom didn't have the right words or the right metaphors to help them. The closest she'd ever gotten was that she was an apple pie that should have been an apple fritter.
Apples, apples, apples.
Apple Bloom smiled briefly, then she shook her head before she turned and pushed her way out of the bathroom with a sigh. She headed down to the kitchen, then took her seat at the table between her siblings, looking down at the apple mush that had already been doled out for her.
Applejack was already finishing her own breakfast, while Big Mac was slowly munching at his food. Granny Smith was humming away at the counter, cooking something up: last minute goods for the stand, or a treat for them to enjoy when work was done?
“So it'll just be a few hours this morning. Then you can go play with your friends.” Applejack said, and Apple Bloom nodded, spooning mush into her mouth and chewing slowly. “We'll need your help again this weekend, too, so don't go makin' too many plans now, either.”
Apple Bloom nodded, then started: “So what should I do about-”
Her voice wobbled, and Apple Bloom blinked, and Granny Smooth guffawed from the counter before declaring: “Looks like you're growing up! That's quite a bassoon you got there!”
Apple Bloom covered her mouth with a blush, and Applejack laughed and opened her mouth, but then promptly closed it when she saw Apple Bloom clutching at her muzzle, trembling a little. Big Mac leaned forwards silently, and the foal shivered as her eyes darted back and forth before she looked up almost fearfully when a hoof gently grasped her shoulder.
Granny Smith only smiled down at her, saying gently: “Now don't you worry. One way or another, things are going to be just fine. But none of us can stop from growing up.”
“I... I don't want to grow up, though. Not like this. Not...” Apple Bloom shook her head vehemently, then bit her lip, struggling to get control over herself as she stared down into the apple mush on the table.
“I'll come help you out soon as I'm done.” Big Mac said gently, as if nothing had happened, and Apple Bloom glanced up at him before she gave a small smile and nodded shakily, hearing what he wasn't saying and appreciating it. Her big brother always knew what to do, what to say, and how to say it.
“Thanks.” she said quietly, and she bit her lip, then excused herself from the table without looking at anyone, hurrying away to the door and bolting outside.
Granny Smith's face fell after a moment, and then she sighed before she turned and headed back to the counter. Big Mac was silent, tapping a hoof slowly against the table, and Applejack shook her head before she finally murmured: “Had to happen sometime. Has to happen sometime, I mean. We can't just keep doin' this forever, either way.”
“Let 'er be.” Big Mac said, and Applejack grimaced and bit her lip.
“He's right, Jackie. There's nothing we can really do for the poor dear. She has to find her own way.” added Granny Smith as she began to knead the dough on the counter. “Little Bloom will figure out her way. Or his way. I don't know. I don't rightly care, either. I just want our little Bloom to be happy, that's all. And I'm sure you want the same.”
“Yeah.” Applejack said, although she sounded almost hesitant. Big Mac cocked an eyebrow at her, and the mare bit her lip before she shook her head and said finally: “It just... I ain't no good at tellin' tall tales, you all know that. Don't really feel like lyin' right now, but when Bloom starts growin' into being a stallion, that's... that's just different from bein' a foal.”
Granny chuckled at this, then she shrugged before saying: “I'm sure Bloom feels the same way, Jackie. It means everything has to change for her. Remember what a fuss it was for you, when you started becoming a mare? Now just think how our little Bloom must feel.”
“But what do we even do at this point?” Applejack blurted, swinging her hooves out helplessly. “Wouldn't it be better to just... to help him get comfortable with being a boy before it's too late, and he becomes a stallion?”
“Apples can't be pears.” Big Mac said simply, and Granny Smith nodded as Applejack sighed, but nodded reluctantly.
“I... I know that. But it's one thing when it all feels like make-believe to make my baby brother happy, but another thing when...” Applejack shook her head briefly, then she sighed and sat back in her chair, muttering: “Horseapples.”
Big Mac shrugged in agreement, then he silently excused himself from the table. For a few moments, Applejack sat, rubbing her hooves slowly against the hard wood of the tabletop before she finally looked up and asked: “How can you be so okay with all this, Granny? I just... I can't stop worrying for Bloom. He's-”
“I know, I know. You're sure you know what's right for him. But he's decided what he wants, and that's that he doesn't want to be a he at all.” Granny chuckled again and shrugged. “I don't know how that works, but I won't question it, either. Now, Jackie, maybe you'd be right about him if he was your little brother... but as nice as you play along, have you ever tried just accepting Bloom as your little sister?”
Applejack bit her lip, glancing away for a few moments before she sighed, then confessed: “It's hard. It just don't feel right. It just... I can't wrap my head around it.”
Granny Smith pushed herself away from the counter and turned around, giving Applejack that half-sympathetic, half-scolding look only she could manage to pull off so well. “Well, which is it, Jackie? Do you not understand, or do you think it's wrong?”
Applejack looked down, then awkwardly half-shrugged, and Granny softened before she leaned forwards and said gently: “Applejack, either way, you need to give Apple Bloom time to figure things out on her own. You don't have to and shouldn't be trying to figure out things for everypony else. That just ain't how it works. Bloom's young, but she's a smart one. You need to give her a chance. It ain't always easy, but you can't make every decision for your siblings. And I mean both of 'em, don't think I don't see how you still try to boss Mac around.”
Applejack smiled briefly despite herself, rubbing at her face before she sighed and nodded, saying quietly: “I know you're right. And I love him... her, I mean, I do. Maybe it just confuses and worries the heck out of me, and I sure don't like being confused or worried about things. Got enough to take care of with the farm and all.”
“Well, you go take care of that, Jackie, and I'll take care of the food.” answered Granny Smith with a smile before she turned back around, humming to herself as she went back to work on whatever it was she was making.
Applejack sighed, but then almost reluctantly pushed herself up from the table. As difficult as it was, she knew Granny was right: work didn't wait for you, any more than the world did. The only thing you could really do was work with what you had been given.
But that was what worried her so much about Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom rested her head across her forelegs, bored. Apart from the occasional customer, there wasn't anything to really do, and that made her fidgety. She mumbled under her breath as she looked off into the distance, wishing there was at least something to entertain her.
But it was always like this: you got a few ponies who came by early to pick up apples and baked treats for a nibble, and then things got real quiet after the other stalls set up. They'd sell a few things on and off until before lunchtime, and it'd get busy again, but after the other stalls set up they never saw that much business.
The Apples were the backbone of Ponyville, Granny liked to say. And she was right, but Apple Bloom thought that just meant they were 'common,' and they were 'everywhere,' and she wasn't always sure that was such a good thing to be.
Apple Bloom grumbled, then glanced up as she caught a familiar green glow in the corner of her eye. She watched as the resident Changeling, Marina, started to set up her own stall just a short distance away, and Apple Bloom smiled briefly before she rose a hoof and waved when the chocolate-colored unicorn glanced up.
Marina waved back with a small smile: they knew each other at least in passing because Marina bought a lot of her ingredients from them, and often shared her stock with theirs. She had sort of found her place in Ponyville, selling treats and occasionally little trinkets: you could always find something interesting at Marina's little shop.
Apple Bloom glanced up as a pony approached: by the time she finished dealing with the customer, Marina had finished setting up her stall and today's goods. It looked like she had brought her usual assortment of glazed apples and a few bottles of chocolate sauce, as well as a few glass knicknacks. Some of them were simple glass balls, while others were little glass sculptures: those came from her friend Moonbeam, Apple Bloom thought.
Originally, when Marina had arrived here in Ponyville, she had been in the disguise of a mare named Moonbeam. They had all known she was a Changeling from the start because there had been a whole big fuss about it, although Twilight had warned them all to give her a chance, and Octavia – who for whatever reason had been assigned as the Changeling's guardian or caretaker or something like that – had reassured everyone then-Moonbeam wouldn't be any kind of threat.
Everyone had been uneasy at first, but then-Moonbeam had made a good impression on them. And well, Apple Bloom couldn't lie: she thought that the fact that the Changeling had prosthetic limbs that couldn't be transformed along with the rest of her reassured ponies too. After all, there was no way she could transform and trick any of them with those obvious steel legs of hers.
After she had made a good impression on the ponies and earned more of their trust, the Changeling had been brought along on some kind of rescue operation: all Apple Bloom knew was that the Equestrian forces had gone in and attacked the Changeling hive, and saved several dozen prisoners. That included the real Moonbeam, which was why Marina had changed her name and her form to what it was now. From the chatting she'd overheard between Marina and other ponies, Marina apparently wanted to be her 'own pony,' not just a copy of someone else. And she'd confessed she had never been very good at entirely mimicking Moonbeam, either, who was a bit of a grump.
Marina, as far as Apple Bloom knew, still lived with Octavia and Vinyl Scratch, but she was more of a roommate now than anything else. Ponyville had accepted her, and as far as Apple Bloom knew, no one really had any sort of problems with her. She worked hard, and gave what she could back to the community, and she spent a lot of her free time visiting her friend, who lived on a hill a canter away from Ponyville.
Apple Bloom watched Marina curiously: the Changeling was obviously aware of the foal's eyes on her, but she only snuck little peeks in her direction now and then: less like she was trying to avoid her attention, more like she had no idea what to do. And even if Apple Bloom knew it was possibly a little rude to stare, watching Marina handle herself with the customers she got was weirdly fascinating.
Marina was always a little shy and awkward, but the way she acted changed with every customer who approached her. She seemed to naturally mirror them: Apple Bloom figured that was her Changeling nature coming out, but she had to admit that it certainly seemed to help the mare make her sales.
Apple Bloom watched with interest until she felt a hoof pat her on the shoulder, and she blushed and looked up in embarrassment at Applejack, who looked back at her mildly before she sighed and said wryly: “You could at least pretend you want to make a sale or two, you know.”
“I'm uh... I'm learning!” Apple Bloom said lamely, giving an awkward smile.
Applejack looked at her sibling for a few moments, and then she sighed before gesturing at her, saying finally: “Go over and at least say hi to her, then. You been staring this whole time, would be kind of weird for you not to at least go say hello.”
Apple Bloom nodded with a lame smile, then she quickly pushed herself away from the stall, stumbling a little over her own hooves before she caught herself in a trot. She slowed as she approached Marina, watching the way she worked a customer: she was very genuine and open even as she mimicked him a little, but the stallion certainly didn't notice. If anything, he seemed happier as he left, and Apple Bloom smiled a bit before she complimented: “You're real good at selling stuff.”
Marina laughed a bit at this, turning towards Apple Bloom and giving a small shrug before answering: “I guess it helps that I can still read ponies really well. I'm just happy that I was able to get a job here and that... no one minds.”
Marina awkwardly rubbed at her shoulder, and Apple Bloom couldn't help but study her gleaming metal leg for a moment: it had been painted the same color as the chocolate-brown coat of the mare, but it was still very distinct compared to the rest of her body thanks to its shape more than its size.
Then the filly looked up, asking before she could stop herself: “What's it like to be able to be anything you want?”
Marina blinked, and then she shrugged awkwardly, and Apple Bloom blushed before she half-looked away, trying to figure out a way to phrase the question without revealing too much or coming across too... strange. “I just... I think it must be really neat to be able to turn into whatever you please and all. How do you... I mean, you can be a boy pony or a girl pony, can't you? But how does that work? How hard is it to change your shape and what happens to the uh... the stuff?”
Marina blushed deep red for a moment, tapping her hooves awkwardly against the top of her stall, but she was spared answering as a customer approached. Apple Bloom lingered as the customer bought a few apples, the filly trying to think of how she could explain what she'd just asked, but when the customer left and Marina turned back towards her, the chocolate mare answered hesitantly: “The thing about being a Changeling is that... any form you take is like wearing a set of clothes. That's how it's supposed to be, anyway... you aren't supposed to like anything more or less. I mean, most of us do have preferred shapes and forms. At least I think most of us do: I know I do, but other Changelings are...”
Marina petered out, then she shook her head quickly before she smiled awkwardly and explained: “We have to change back now and then to our regular bodies, otherwise it... hurts us. This is an original form, so to speak: this is the body I choose for myself, but I guess you can say it's still not my natural form. It feels comfortable, but sometimes it does feel more like a set of clothes over my own body, even if everything works. It's... difficult sometimes, but...”
Marina shrugged a bit, and then she said in a softer voice: “It gets easier. It's getting easier. I'm very thankful that all you ponies accept me and that I've learned it's not the end of the world when things don't go to plan. What friends are, how important they are, and how they can change you and help you grow and adapt. I have grown and adapted to things, learned to deal with who and what I am... with these clunky things.”
Marina awkwardly waved a mechanical limb, and then she smiled a bit before she asked Apple Bloom carefully: “What do you think it is that makes you want to be uh... different from what you are, Apple Bloom?”
“Maybe the problem is that I don't want to be different. I mean, I don't like the way I am entirely right now, but it's better than what I'm gonna become.” Apple Bloom answered, and then she bit her lip for a moment before she snuck a furtive glance back and forth, then she whispered: “Do you... do you know?”
Marina smiled a little after a moment, but a faint blush rose in her cheeks even as she answered: “We're not so different, Apple Bloom. That helps. But I can't lie, it's a Changeling thing. Sorry.”
“You don't have to apologize or nothing. I appreciate you... you know. Not talking about it or anything.” Apple Bloom bit her lip, then she asked in a whisper: “So you're really a boy too, really?”
Marina laughed at this: half-awkward, half-honestly entertained. Apple Bloom cocked her head curiously, but Marina only smiled as she looked down at the filly, answering quietly: “It took me a long time to figure this out, but... I'm learning to be me, and that's it.”
Apple Bloom huffed a bit at this cryptic answer, before she lowered her head, but Marina caught her attention when she added: “You're not a Changeling, Apple Bloom, but... you can still be whatever you want to be, I think. Especially with your friends and family around you. You just need to... well... to talk.”
“I don't know how talkin' is gonna help anything.” Apple Bloom mumbled, and then she sighed a little before she nodded briefly, looking up at Marina for a few moments before she asked: “Can ponies become Changelings?”
Marina shook her head, and Apple Bloom glanced away before she mumbled: “I wish I could just... fix things. I don't want to be this way. I want to be... is there something wrong with me, do you think? At least you're a Changeling, you can be whatever you want to be, but I'm supposed to be a... and instead I want to be a...”
“I don't think there's anything wrong with that.” Marina said, and Apple Bloom glanced up with a scowl she couldn't entirely hide. “Give... give things time. You don't want to be a Changeling, you want to be a pony. You said yourself, you don't want things to change.”
“But being a Changeling would let me stay the same, wouldn't it?” asked Apple Bloom almost desperately, but Marina only shook her head.
“You'd still be something different. And it's still not... perfect, like I said. All I want to be is a pony. We're still going to want things. We're always going to want things, or more, or better: that's just the way we all are, I suppose. Ponies and Changelings and everyone else.” Marina answered with a shake of her head. “I still just want to be a pony, after all. You don't want to lose that.”
Apple Bloom sighed, but whether she wanted to admit it or not, she thought she understood what Marina was trying to say. All the same, she looked away, kicking idly at the ground before she mumbled: “I'd give up a lot of things if it meant feeling right.”
Marina softened, then she bit her lip before she asked impulsively: “Well, if you want to talk about that and maybe... see if I can help you, we can talk more tonight, Apple Bloom. I have an idea that might help.”
Apple Bloom looked skeptically at Marina, but Marina only smiled a little before she reassured: “It won't hurt or anything, I promise. But maybe you'll figure things out yourself before we get a chance to talk again. No pressure.”
“Well... okay.” Apple Bloom said, and Marina nodded. “I mean... it ain't that I don't trust you, Marina. It's just... how are you going to help me? I don't feel like anyone can help me. I don't feel like... I feel like there's a broken branch hanging over my head and at any moment it could come crashing down and-”
Apple Bloom flinched as her voice cracked, and Marina winced as well. For a moment, the filly bit her lip, her legs trembling a bit beneath her, and then she cursed under her breath before she took a slow, shaky breath, and straightened a little, muttering: “Just... nothing ain't right.”
Marina wanted to say something, but couldn't think of anything to say; Apple Bloom, however, seemed like she was done trying to listen or figure things out. Her head tipped down, her shoulders drooped, and she gave a long, moody sigh before she mumbled: “Well, I guess I might see you later then. I guess I'm gonna go... find my friends.”
“Alright, Apple Bloom. I hope to see you soon. I'll come by the treehouse later and we can talk if you feel like it.” Marina said as encouragingly as she could, and she waved a little as the filly walked away, but Apple Bloom didn't look back. Marina's eyes lingered on the foal until she was out of sight, her own expression gradually sinking, but she quickly perked herself up as Applejack approached.
The two looked at each other for a few moments, and then Applejack asked almost abruptly: “So you know about my sister's, uh... condition?”
Marina smiled awkwardly, which was enough of an answer for Applejack. The earth pony sighed a little, and then she said finally: “I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself and all. I mean, I ain't gonna pretend a lot of ponies don't know, but... Apple Bloom needs to find her own way, I guess.”
“I agree.” Marina nodded, then she asked hesitantly: “Do her friends...”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. I just want to make sure she gets the chance to tell 'em herself before anypony else does.” Applejack said pointedly, and Marina nodded quickly again, half-holding up her hooves, and Applejack sighed and added almost grudgingly: “Sorry. Guess I been a bit on edge this morning. Been a long one.”
“I understand. I'm sure your little sister is going to be fine.” Marina smiled. “If I can figure out where I belong in Ponyville, after all, anyone can.”
Applejack gave a brief smile back, but privately, she couldn't help but worry that even if that was true, it didn't mean Apple Bloom would ever be able to be happy about the place she had been given in life.