Balance

by BioQuillFiction


SURPRISE!

Ack. I woke up. A lot of new worlds were found and added to the council, so paperwork was beyond what I wanted. Fell asleep in the office again. Crick! I turned my head, my neck cracking from the stiffness. Damn, what time it it? I look at my wall clock, crap, ten in the morning. Girls are gonna be pissed.

I got up, popped the remaining stiff joints, and yawned as I left the office and headed home. When I entered the girls were all in the dining room, eating. “Sorry for being out all night.” I say to them.

“No need Zeke, work piles up, besides, Luna and I know a thing or two about falling asleep at the office.” Celestia tells me with a smile.

That made me smile a bit. “Thanks for that, feel a bit better. Coffee?” I ask, really needing some caffeine.

“In the kitchen.” Rarity says as I head into it.

The Cakes were cooking, Pinkie was here too. Swear she was in the dining room too...meh, it’s pinkie. I grabbed a fair sized cup and then took the half full coffee and chugged all that was there. “Long night?” Mrs. Cake asked.

“Yeup.” I reply, finishing off the pot. I normally hate coffee black but I am too tired to give a shit at the moment. “So how was things last night Pinkie?”

“All went well, you?”

“I am taking the day off.” I groan, caffeine not yet kicking in. “I might set my office on fire if I go back in today.”

“Can’t have that. I can make some eggs and bacon real quick if you want?” Pinkie offers.

“And mix coffee in with the pancakes if you make some.” I ask, feeling the caffeine start to kick in.

“Nine steps ahead!” Pinkie cheers, already mixing some pancake batter and adding some instant coffee mix to it.

“Thank you.” I say, heading back into the dining room and sitting at the table next to Applejack. “How’s the farm?” I ask, trying to talk about anything other than work.

“Been real good, specially with all the help.” AJ replies, reading the paper.

I peeked at it and noticed the date. “Huh, today’s April fourteenth?” I say. Not even realizing I said that out loud.

“Yeah, why?”

“Meh, it’s nothin.”

“Come on, tell me.” AJ says, giving me that sassy smile. Damn she’s cute like that.

“It’s nothing AJ, really.”

“What’s nothing?” Pinkie asks as she comes in with my food.

“Zeke here said something about the date today and won’t say what.” Applejack tells Pinkie. I just start eating.

“Ooh! Is it a special day?!” Pinkie asks, excited to find out.

“Lot of people think so.” I say simply.

“Is it...the day you first went to the beach?”

“Nope.”

“Our anniversary?”

“That’s in four months.”

“Day you came to Equestria?”

“Nope. Don’t even remember what day that was.”

“Your birthday?” She gasped. “It’s your birthday today?!?!”

“Yeah, but it’s nothing to celebrate.”

That made everyone gasp. “YEah right! You’ve done so much for literally this, and some other, reflections Zeke! The whole city should be celebrating it!” Rainbow declared.

“Please Rain-” I stopped as someone barged into the room, raving mad.

“Ahhhhahahhhahhhhhh! Sanvich. Sanvich. And his skeleton was gone and the doctor disappeared. That’s how I lost my medical license. Grass Grows. Birds fly. Sun shines and brother I hurt people. I’m a bloody one eyed cyclops.” The next words out of his mouth were so vulgar not even the two immortal sisters could keep their drinks in spitting them out over the floor. “Dad I’m not a crazed gunman I’m an assassin. The difference being that one is a job while the other is mental sickness. Or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today.” He raved.

I got up and slapped the man...keyblade body strength means he hit the wall. “Get a hold of yourself scouter.” I say, walking over to the now dazed and very bruised man. “The hell happened?”

“My precious hat… It’s beautiful. All about the hats. Only hats matter. They are all that matters. Hats. Hats. HATS. HATS!” The man screamed before frothing at the mouth and falling over unconscious.

“Is he…” Twilight asked, looking very nervous.

I took a look at the foam, then felt for a pulse on his neck. “Yeup. He’s dead. Cyanide...though, no idea how, he-” I stopped, noticing one of his teeth were gone. “A cyanide pill for a tooth? No, fake tooth.”

“I’m calling the hospital!” Twilight said, running out.

“I’m gonna see what world this guy went too, something happened to him that made him go nutz-o.” I say, grabbing his scouter notebook. Every scouter has this, and a camera, so I flipped through it. Starts of normal, then it quickly went to insanity. A few things stood out as they kept repeating. Blu, Red, Mann co., the Director, and something about land. “Well, I’m gonna see what’s up.”

“No way! What if that happens to you?!” Moondancer said.

“I’ll just act like I do around Pinkie.” I reply.

“But-” Moondancer started before Maud covered her mouth. Man I still can’t get over Maud’s body… her clothes are so custome made.

“Go on, we’ll be waiting, just be back before midnight.” She said in her monotone voice. Voice is often low and monotone...not when having sex. Speaking of, she got’s triplets! And I thought Fluttershy’s twins were a lot.

“Alright, promise.” I say, looking at the coordinates in the notebook, heading outside then flying off. Dude said a crap ton of weirdness. Wonder how that’s gonna work out for me...meh, whatever this world has, Core is worse regardless.

It was a few hours until I arrived at the world. I landed in some kinda...arena? There was a blue colored stage in some kinda lumber mill...the heck? This is weird. I was still in my armor, so I should be safe in this, plus my keyblade body isn’t damaged by normal weapons. I was exiting the mill that had the stage in it when-

“Bonk!” Someone ran by, hitting me in the back of the head.

“Shit!” I yelled, patting my armored head. That still hurt. When I looked up it was a thin guy, wearing a hat, some kinda headphones, a red shirt and brown pants with long white socks and flat shoes. He was holding a dented baseball bat. “Did...did you just hit me in the head with a baseball bat?”

“How are you not dead?” He asked. “What even are you?”

“Name’s Zeke.”

“You Red like me or Blu?”

“Uh…” I looked at my armor. “Neither I guess.”

“Civilian?”

“I guess.”

“How you even here? This base is way out of the way from the nearest city.”

“I...flew here.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

...He’s an idiot… Normal people...oh screw it. “So...what’s going on here, who are you?”

“I’m Scout. I’m a mercenary hired to deal with Blu, or Builders League United. Red stands for Rocket Entertainment Division. We basically get paid to blow each other up, then get respawned in our bases. Clothes, weapons and all.”

Wow...that tech would help the fight against Core greatly, no more losing lives in the realm of darkness bases. “Really. Good to know. So, are their others?”

“Oh yeah, Spy, he’s a dick, Sniper, Heavy, Pyro, Engi, Medic, Soldier, and Demo.” Scout listed off. “We each do different things, out names pretty much say it all actually. Blu has their own set of us, literally, they look exactly like us. I think they cloned us or something?”

“Huh, so...Can I help, I mean, what exactly needs to be done.”

“Well...Let’s head to Red base, medic and Engi might be able to do something about it.” I followed Scout as we entered a rather odd shack with a Red base sign over it. The seconded I entered a guy in a red soldier outfit, and a helmet that went over his eyes, charged me. “Woah, whoa! Soldier calm down!” Scout yelled, trying to yank the guy off me.

“Scout you dummy he’s a spy!” Soldier declared, shoving a shotgun at my helmet.

“Dude! If he was a spy he wouldn’t be able to walk in here!” Scout argued.

“Oh, right.” Soldier took the gun out of my face and let go of me. “My bad.”

“Jeesh, PTSD much?” I say, deactivating my armor. “Scout wanted me to talk to a Medic and Engi?”

“That would be us.” A german man in a doctors outfit, carrying some kinda...I wanna say minigun but for some reason medigun replaces it...well, fits. Next to him was a man in overalls, rubber gloves, yellow hard hat and wearing goggles. “What brings you here fine fellow?”

“Want to help. Something about a respawn?”

“Oh yeah, we can add ya, make out side ten men, some advantage I guess.” Engi said. “We just gotta dig up the machine. It’s under this floor here.” He said, making his point by tapping his foot on the ground.

“I can help with that.”

“How?”

I smiled, raising my hand as a barrage of Keyblade shot out of the ground, missing everyone in the room, and then then spun around in the room then flew out the entrance, taking out all the rubble, leaving the device unharmed. “Like that.”

“Sweet mother of Mary and Joseph!” Soldier yelled.

“How did you do that?!” Scout asked.

“Long story.” I say. “So...how do we do this?”

Medic took a scalpel and stuck it in my arm...only for it to bend on contact with my skin. “Oh bother. This will be a problem.”

“Gentlemen, I believe we are missing the big picture here.” A man in a red suit, and a red ski mask, spoke with a french accent. That’s Spy clearly...huh, even with a ski mask his facial features kinda look like Scout’s. “Do you mind?” He asked, holding a butterfly knife in one hand and a big ass revolver in the other.

“...Meh, go ahead.”

Spy proceeded to stab me with his knife, which broke on contact. He then shot me with the revolver. The force of the bullet knocked me back a bit. That hurt… “You see now? This man is indestructible, he needs this respawner as much as Heavy needs steroids.”

“I need no such drugs.” The large man spoke with a thick russian accent. Damn, no wonder they call him heavy.

“Exactly. This man might just win the war.”

“Then what do we do?” A man with an australian accent spoke. The rifle strapped to his back told me that was Sniper. “We make a living blasting each other up to kingdom come lads, we may win the war but we’ll be out of jobs.”

“I might be able to help with that.” I say, gaining everyone’s attention. “After this war is over, let me speak with your employer, I think a few words will settle that matter.”

They all looked amongst each other and shrugged. “Next round should start in three minutes, take a gun.” Spy said. I went over to what was available. I grabbed a shotgun, pistol, and a spare rifle Sniper had.

”Take the checkpoint!” A old, and mean sounding woman’s voice ordered over the speakers.

The gates opened up and we ran out. I took lead. When I spotted Blue team...they did look like clones… I shrugged that off, charging at a Blu Scout and opened fire. He was fast but Dad trained me to shoot a target going up to fifty miles in speed. So I hit him three times and he was dead. There was a rather odd message in the corner of my eyes.

Zeke [Shotgun] Scout

Wow...neat! “Ygah!” I yelled, a sniper shot got me. I pulled out the rifle and spotted him up on a rooftop. He saw me and started moving.

Zeke [Rifle>Headshot] Sniper

Yeah….this is fun! I moved on and saw the blu heavy in the distance...Hehehe. I grinned, summoning a barrage of Keyblades, each making that heavy a pincushion.

Zeke [Keyblade>Pincushion] Heavy

Huh...yup, calling that one the Pincushion!


After just plain screwing around for a while I trapped the whole Blu team behind a wall of Keyblades in their own base, letting Red take the checkpoint. After all that was done I kept them in there. I used the phone and Engi dialed their boss, a woman called the Director. She came in a normal car. She was old, and she had an assistant that looked kinda like a librarian, young though. Scout seems to fancy her from how I saw him stare at her.

The Director and I were in the kitchen of the Red team base, discussing employment. “So you want me to sell over the mercs to you? And what pray tell do I get in exchange?”

“First, let me ask you this, the camera’s all over the base, those aren’t just for security I imagine, nore just for you to keep watch over them all?”

“...No, they record everything and it’s edited then aired over the whole world. It’s the top tv show and every now and then I have the men in the lab make...special enemies, for the mercs to fight.”

“This must cost a fortune, am I right?”

“The show and respective merchandise I sell on the side in total earn over ninety billion dollars. Keeping the mercs in ammo and such costs seven billion yearly.”

“Barely enough, I take it those spare funds are used for private matters?”

“You assume right.”

“So, let me tell you this, what would you say if I told you I am not from this world?”

“I’d believe it. What I saw you do with those weapons on the cameras, that’s not human, well, normal human anyway.”

“Exactly. I am a member of a council of selected people each representing a world. Our member count as of now is well close to five thousand. You let me handle the mercs, you can still run them, air this show on all those worlds, the money you’d earn would be incalculable.”

That got her attention. She was thinking it over hard. “I agree, but certain terms have to be met first.”

“Name them.”

“First, you have to somehow settle the the war between Redmen and Blumen. Then you have to inform the man whose company I used to start this off, Saxton Hale. He will be a different challenge, but likely more manageable than those brothers.”

“How so?”

“All Hale cares about are fighting, fighting hippies, fighting animals, and more fighting. The brothers won’t stop the war as they both want to win, anything that means surrendering first they want nothing to do with it.”

“Huh. Well Hale will be something. Those brothers though...I might have an idea.”

“Oh? Pray tell?”

“Perhaps some trickery is needed. In the form of ‘mis mailed’ documents.”

“Oh. Fakes?”

“No, real. We both know they have deeds to their companies, which I imagine you handle?”

“I have copies, they have their originals.”

“Well what if we were to, oh say...print up the deed transfer papers. Have them ‘mis mailed’ to each other, and plant the idea to sell their brother’s company to an unknown third party, both think they’d win and fact is we would.”

The Director smiled. “I like it. And both are stupid enough to fall for it.”

“Well then, let’s get to work. You handle the brothers with this and I’ll handle Hale.”

“Deal.”


I stood in the office of Saxton Hale, he was cooking steak on his desk...neat. “So you want me to hand ownership of the company to you?” He asked, he was shirtless...for some reason, chest hair shaved to look like austrailia. His accent wasn’t as thick as Snipers, but still rather rich. “Well my policy is if you beat me in a fist fight you gain ownership of my company. You sure you want to take me on?”

“Yes, but after a few more steaks. What meat is this?” I ask, taking another bite.

“Hippo! Killed it myself, after I suplexed the little brat five times I decided to snap it’s neck with my feet!’

“You sir are one of a kind.”

“I like to think so.”

“Mind if I ask a personal question, hypothetical anyway.”

“Not sure what that means, but sure, go ahead.”

“What will you do if I do win, and be serious, you’ll be out of resources, job, what will the great Saxton Hale do if he loses it all in a fight?” A ask, eating more of the hippo steak.

“Huh. Well, I’ll just have to man it out, live off the land. Like a real man. Or a hobo...a real hobo of a man!”

“I could hire you.” I say.

“Really, what would I be doing?”

“WHat comes natural to you, fighting.”

“A job where I get payed to fight...huh…”

“There is one condition though.”

“And what would that be?”

“You have to fight with one of these.” I say, summoning Master Keeper.

“What is that? A giants toothpick?”

“Heh, no. It’s called a Keyblade. The things you will be fighting can only be killed by these weapons, otherwise they come back within a day or so.”

“Well I normally fight with my bare hands, like a man, but is that how they all look?”

“No, they all look different and choose their masters.”

“Huh. Well alright, want more steak before the fight or wanna get right to it?”

“One more. Man you gotta give me the recipe for what you seasoned this with.”

“Meh, it’s nothing special, just some rock salt I ground into powder myself with my bare hands, some garlic I ground into paste with my bare hands, and some fermented duck blood I import from france. Which I beat into the meat with my bare hands! Then I just put the salt powder and garlic paste on the meat before cooking.”

“Neat.” I say, taking another bite. Man, guy’s a good cook surprisingly. After a few more Rino steaks Hale lifted his grill/desk up and tossed it out the window so we had room to fight.

He hit first, sending me flying into the wall. I got back up and shook it off, and saw Hale was looking at his fist. “My hand’s bleeding, just from hitting you? Might even be some broken bones in their too! Ha, you take a hit better than I expected.”

“You give them as hard as I expected.” I reply, smiling. That’s the first hit that just bruised me and didn’t nearly kill me. Hehe, this is gonna be fun!


It was busy back in Daybreak. Zeke’s wives spread the word about his birthday being this day and the whole city, as expected, was getting ready for when Zeke returns.

His wives especially where preparing the home. The dining room was redone to be like a ballroom, though, more with Pinkie’s touches than formal. “I am so glad I get to be here for this!” Moondancer said, fixing the bow on one of the many, many, MANY, presents that were sent in from the whole city, and even some off world, for Zeke. Each were checked so they wouldn’t be anything dangerous.

“Well thank Pinkie for getting Kain to submit that law editing form.” Celestia said, using her magic to hang streamers.

“Well we are drinking buddies when he want’s to hit a bar after the meetings are done, but I am surprised Leon of all people started the vote to move it.” Pinkie replied, placing a pie on one of the tables.

“Well, we’re all here now, some of us unexpectedly, but all’s what makes this marriage work, friends, surprise additions, and we all are here for the same man.” Luna said, using her magic to make an ice sculpture of Zeke and them.

“So which of this do you think Zeke will like best?” Maud asked, placing rock candy on plates around all the tables.

“Personally, we all know his favorite part will be how we redecorated the bedroom~”

“True.” They all said simultaneously, making each of them chuckle.

“So how long till ya’ll think he’ll get back?” Applejack asks, placing carmel and candy apples next to Maud’s rock candy on the plates.

“I hope soon, I don’t want this food to go bad.” Rainbow said, licking her lips at all the foods around.

“Easy Rainbow, food isn’t gonna be touched until Zeke comes home.” Fluttershy said, ting up balloons on the chandeliers. She was thankful for not being pregnant at the time, made flying much easier.

“I can’t believe they made this a holiday.” Rarity said, knitting something, it’s still too early in her process to tell. “Then again, he and Ben both brought so many back from being heartless and Nobodies. Maybe Zeke can get Ben’s birthday so we can make that a holiday too?”

“I’ll ask next time Ben’s Twilight visits when Ben goes off somewhere.” Twilight said, checking things off of a checklist.

“Well, I just hope Zeke Gets here soon, have some relax time before the party starts officially.” Daring said, pouting punch and placing cups.


“You...are...the best...fight...I have had...in years!” Hale said, the two of us fought for five hours, Hale had his left arm broken, skull fractured, all ribs broke, and cuts and bruises up the wazoo.

I was in similar shape. Bruises everywhere, a black eye, right arm and hand broken, foot dislocated, and an imprint in bruise form of Hale’s fist on the side of my head...yeah it took up the whole side of my face. “You...too.”

I was the winner, after suplexing him off of his own building he was out cold for about ten minutes. He laughed when he woke up, but accepted defeat, and handed me the deed to Mann Co. “So...that job offer still stand?”

“Yeah...here.” I called whatever Keyblade wanted this crazy man and tossed it. Figures, Olympia. It was as big and long as Chaos Ripper though.

“Neat!” Hale said, picking it up. “So, how long til this new job kicks in?”

“First, I wanna find medic and hope that he can fix me up.”

“Zeke, Hale?” We both turned around, seeing the Director walking up to us. “So, how’d it go?”

“Meet your new boss, Zeke.” Hale said, pointing at me with Olympia.

“Great. Zeke, your plan for Redmen and BLumen worked perfectly. I let them each keep a million and immediately they both started new companies. They are trying to both bankrupt one another as we speak.”

“Well, better get home. I’ll have someone be here soon to integrate the world into the Unity, shouldn’t take more than two days, Hale, you’ll get your new job then, till then...rest.”

“Right-o!” Hale said, hulk style jumping off into the sunset.

“Two days off… Will I get more?” The Director said.

“Well you get a most four days off a week, or two depending on where you work, what you do, and if it’s full or part time.”

“Weekly days off? Oh I am telling the mercs, then heading to the nearest spa for the works.” She said, walking to a car and driving off.

“Guess I’ll head home then. Hope Medic can get his license back.” I say, opening a DTL and heading home.

I exited the DTL, using Discord to cast a quick Cure on me before heading to the dining room. It’s already dinner time. Damn, wonder what they made? Hope they didn’t do anything for my bir- I opened the door.

“SUPRISE!”

… D’oh!


“...What is wrong with me?” I grumble. I saw all that...decorations, cake, presents… I bolted and am now hiding in my office…

So what was that about?

Long story short, my birthday has never been a good event.

How so?

Well, since being born with red eyes my family treated my birthday as a day to, well, be worse. When I turned one mom and dad baptized me in a priest’s blood…

Oh shit!

When I turned five they gave me a lighter…

That’s not so bad.

To set fire to a thousand acres of forest on a california summer day.

Oh...

When I turned eight we went grave robbing, and after that we stole bodies from funeral homes and posed them nude in shop windows and parks...that one was kinda funny but still fucked up.

Yeah...

When I turned thirteen we hijacked an airplane...only to crash it into Liberty Island. Statue was fine, it’s just waist deep in the ocean now…

Oh damn.

When I turned sixteen and was driving they snuck me into a Nascar...my dad sabotaged the other drivers. Four died, nine went into commas, the rest are unable to drive after that...kept the car though.

Now that’s just mean.

When I turned eighteen they had me make C-4 bombs to blow up a chinese fireworks factory. Not gonna lie, was amazing when it all went off, but over five hundred workers went unemployed.

So, every year your family does something extra horrible. But they aren’t around right now.

Even though, according to that letter Josh sent Eclipse, they might come, and old habits die hard after all.

I don’t think they’ll try anything. For one, their’s more people with combat training here than on earth,

Yeah but still… God I just hope they don’t hate me for hiding like a coward...