//------------------------------//
// Nobody investigates 
// Story: Life of a Nobody 
// by Xinrick 
//------------------------------//

“Gah!” I bark, sitting up quickly in shock. “Oh god...that was probably...just a horrible dream.” I mutter, hoping my old baby pictures was just a figment of my imagination. I saw I was in the bedroom, Derpy and Twilight, one on each side, next to me napping it seemed. I gently moved out between them and got out of bed, finding myself thankfully in pajama pants at least. I put on a shirt real quick and headed off, wondering what I missed. As I roamed around I was starting thinking about what my mom and dad said. “I’m...so glad there back…” I smile warmly. “Oh...actually...what would they think of Joy?” I ask myself, continuing to look around and search for literally anyone in the halls of this giant castle I call a house.
 
“Yes yes, I’m adorable.” I hear Joy giggle, the sounds of my parents ‘d’awing’ over him was present and it only made me smile. After I walked closer to the sounds I turned the corner and saw my mother hugging and petting Joy, not believing she is seeing a puppy version of her baby boy and my dad was just smiling at the sight of his wife and new son here just being adorable.
 
“So, Joy, your…wait, you’re Ben’s brother right?” Dad asked for clarification. 
 
“It’s a little complicated but technically speaking yes.” Joy nods. “I may be his literal Joy given physical form but I’m my own person...I just happen to be him when he was about twelve years old.”
 
“Alright, but anyway, your sisters in law did say you got some ladies lined up too, one of which being Jenny, isn’t she like, your niece in a sense?” 
 
“That’s...where things get really confusing.” Joy says sheepishly.

“Because we’re biologically the sons of Cript, who is literally a god, incest is fine and has none of the scary drawbacks.” I explain, walking into the room. “Hi mom, hi dad. I see you’ve met Joy.”
 
“Hi Ben.” THey both say. “So gods are…genetically superior or is it something else that does that?” Mom asked.
 
“It’s that, magical mumbo jumbo, and some other things that make about as much sense as me having a brother come from my head.” I shrug.
 
“Oh, we also talked with Den and…you are your father's, first fathers, son. He couldn’t stop drinking my milk when I was pregnant with you.” Mom said, making Joy, dad and I blush a bit. “And don’t deny it either hun.”
 
“...Guilty.” Dad admitted.
 
“No wonder why…” I mutter, scratching my cheek gently and not wanting to voice why I like that. “Well that explains at least a thing…”
 
“Your new family is…interesting to say the least.” Mom spoke up. “Cript and Den are certainly characters, and your wives are each lovely, though to be honest Pinkie scares me a little.”
 
“That’s just Pinkie being Pinkie…” I sigh out. “She runs off cartoon logic sometimes...also eats too much sugar if you didn’t notice.”
 
“How is she not diabetic?”
 
“Either because she’s a pony, she’s magic, or she stuffs all that stuff in the ‘trunk’ as it were.” I say sheepishly.
 
“Well whatever the case she did want to talk with you.” Dad said. “Something about a list.”
 
“Cripe…” I grumble. “Well I better go off to find her. Don’t hug Joy to death Mom, I know how much you like cute things.” I chuckle a little. “But do any of you know where Pinkie is?”
 
“Kitchen maybe, last I saw she was baking with the cook.” My mother said.
 
“Thank you.” I nod, before turning on my heel and heading off to the kitchen. After a quick walk I found Pinkie’s scent surrounded with actual baking. “Hopefully she’s right…” I mutter, speeding up my walk towards the kitchen.
 
Upon entering the kitchen I saw Pinkie and the cook surrounded with many trays of sweets and pastries…they were even making candy. “Hi Ben!” Pinkie said, pulling out a tray of what looked like lollipops out of the oven.
 
“I see a ton of candy and pastries...why this happening?” I ask. “Some of it better be an apology for you all making fun of me…” I mutter, still upset about what happened before Cript knocked me out.
 
“Nah, this is just something I promised Bon Bon I’d help her with a week ago, been kinda busy so I’m rushing to finish this up.”
 
“Well that’s not good.” I frown. “Need any help or you got things?” I ask curiously. “I can at least help deliver stuff.”
 
“I actually need you to pick up some things for me.” Pinkie said, jumping over and giving me a list. “Some of my family made rock candy, I sent them a letter and got one back saying they finished and it’s ready for pick up, some more apples from Applejack’s farm, and zap apple jam, then some Blazing gems from Luxu, and lastly pick up Bon Bon and bring her here.”
 
“Sounds like quite a list.” I say before grabbing the list and nodding. “I better get to Applejack’s farm first, better get an important item that’s close by first.” I say before opening a window and jumping out, summoning my glider and flying off towards town, hoping Luxu is also there.
 
I arrived at the old library home, it got an upgrade! It was still a tree but was now more wide around and easily TEN stories tall. I walked inside and there were a lot of people in here, some on computers, others looking through the books. “Hey Ben.” I turned around, seeing Luxu and Time walk up to me.
 
“Christ, what did you two do to this place?” I ask, not believing how big this place got. “Also I’m gonna need some Blazing Gems.”
 
“Well after everyone moved out I decided to give the place a major overhaul. Celestia donated some books and the rest are from my personal stashes I hid all over the reflections. Also here.” Luxu handed me a bag filled with blazing games. “Still have no idea how Pinkie makes hot sauce out of them, but it tastes great on tacos.”
 
“Thank you...but I suppose all the computers and all the other stories are doing good things?” I ask.
 
“Yeah. Cheerilee now has her classes use the newest text books, fresh off the printers from Canterlot. She also has foals check out book here.”
 
“Cool.” I nod. “I suppose you’ve also been keeping tabs on the stuff I do or do you care little? Also what about Terra, Aqua and Ventus? I haven’t checked up on them in a while and I feel kind of bad about it…” I sigh out, having had too much shit to do and too little time to spend with friends.
 
“They’re living with Applejack these days. Those three have been helping her pick the fields faster than she and her two siblings ever could alone.”
 
“That’s good, and I suppose you heard about Joy and all that?” I ask.
 
“Yeah. Cript actually asked me to hold onto a thing for awhile yesterday.”
 
“What would be the thing?” I ask. “Also, I just so happened to figure out my original birth parents were murdered...straight from their mouths after Cript revived them.”
 
“Yikes….well good luck finding their murderer, also he had me hold onto a book, looked burned and was locked.”
 
“Why’d he ask you to keep a burned and locked book?” I asked, finding that rather weird.
 
“He’s reorganizing his own vault and needed that somewhere else so it isn’t lost.”
 
“Okay then.” I nod. “But how are you two doing over all?”
 
“Doing well.” Time said. “Celestia was impressed with what I did in Las Pegasus so she hired me as…political muscle.”
 
“And while other people are doing a hero’s job I’m somehow getting a statue in the center of Manehattan holding up the many names of the people that died…” I sigh out. “Christ...feeling less and less like a hero with how little I’ve been helping people…” I grumble. ”And the whispers aren’t fucking helping. I think to myself, having tried to block out the growing whispers in my head that were now just a little more vocal but still out of ‘hearing’.
 
“You’re the people’s idols dummy.” Time said as she flicked my nose. “You’re the original hero in these parts, all we are are…follow ups, sidekicks, that’s what they think of us, you, you’re the hero to them, like it or not.”
 
“And I’d be glad to be the hero they need and deserve.” I say. “Hmm...maybe I should head off to Zebrica or something...maybe figure out where the hell the Minotaur nation or the Diamond Dog nations are...they are probably in need of help.” I shrug, wondering about those two races.
 
“From what I hear the Minotaurs are doing well against heartless attacks, Zebra magic is keeping them away and the diamond dogs, there’s rumors they’re dealing with them, trading stuff.” 
 
“If those fuckers are dealing with Core or his goons so help me god I’m gonna bitch smack one of them.” I frown. “But after I get done with Pinkie’s grocery list I’ll be heading to their nation...wherever the hell it is.”
 
I took the bag and headed off to the apple family farm. It was full of ripe apple trees as always, I saw Aqua and Ventus on their gliders, using Aero to blast apples out of the trees while Terra flew around with a large net attached to his glider, catching the apples. “Yo!” I call out, flying down and landing gently near the tree line.
 
They all landed near me. “Long time no see Ben.” Ven said as he came up and hi fives me. “Heard you’ve been busy.”
 
“More busy then you can believe.” I sigh out. “So how have you been? Hope Terra and Aqua are still together.”
 
“More than together.” Aqua said as she wrapped arms around Terra. “Got married last night.”
 
“Why didn’t I get invited?” I groan.
 
“It was an old Keyblade wielders style wedding.” Terra said. “It’s only meant to be done by the two being married, no witnesses or guests. A more public one is being planned for a month from now.”
 
“I’m sorry...but I think that style of wedding is only after a normal wedding.” I frown. “And no, I don’t want to know about how certain keys fit into certain keyholes.” I joke with a cheeky grin.
 
“Well the reason this type of wedding is so unique is the way the ‘till death’ part works.”
 
“Should I even ask?” I ask curiously. “Cause it sounds important.”
 
“If death is to claim me, then I will still fight, wielded in your hand, powered by your light.” Terra said. “It means if I, or Aqua dies, but one of us is still alive, our bodies will turn into a Keyblade to continue fighting for the ones we care about.”
 
I put a hand over my heart. “Can you...tell me how to do it?” I ask, not wanting to leave them all if I ever die.
 
“Sure. But if you do it, then there is no after life, you’ll become a keyblade body, mind, soul, and heart. Linked forever by their rules.”
 
“Ah...well...I’ll think about it…” I sigh out bitterly. “Anyways, I’m here for some zap apple jam?”
 
“Applejack has it.” Ven said. “She’s just waiting at the house for Pinkie…or you since you’re here.”
 
“Thanks.” I nod. “Just make sure to soundproof your room you two...no need for people to stay away from the apple farm in general.” I joke to Terra and Aqua, laughing before jogging off to meet Applejack.
 
I arrived at the house and knocked on the door. “Coming!” Appleblooms voice said from inside before the little filly opened the door. “Oh, hi Ben. You here for Pinkie’s pick up?”
 
“Yep.” I nod. “You got the zap apple jam? Oh, and do I have to pay you?” I say nervously, completely forgetting about if I had to pay these people or if it was just free.
 
“Pinkie payed in advance.” The filly said before dashing back inside before coming back out with  jar of the rainbow colored treat. “Here ya go.”
 
“Thanks Applebloom.” I smile, putting the jar in the bag. “What do you think about Joy?” I ask the filly curiously, wondering what she thought about the little pup.
 
“He’s cute, especially when we gave him a scarf.”
 
“You gave him a scarf?” I ask curiously, wondering why I didn’t see him with it.
 
“Yeah, Sweetie made it while Scoots and I stitched some things of ours to it.”
 
“Huh...wonder why I didn’t see it…” I mutter. “Well, glad to hear that you enjoy being with Joy. By the by….when I immediately left after you tackled him...what happened?” I ask nervously, wondering what they did.
 
“Jenny had us drag him to the clubhouse and had us figure out how our future house life would be.” 
 
“Really?” I ask, surprised by hearing that. “And how did that work out?”
 
“Pretty good. According to that 8 ball I do most of the cooking, which I’m okay with, Scoots takes care of the older kids, and it said Sweetie stays in the bed alot. Hope she don't get sick.”
 
”Oh...okay…” I think to myself, having a good feeling about what might be the actual thing about that. “What about Jenny?”
 
“She didn't say.”
 
“Right then.” I nod. “Well glad to hear you enjoy being with Joy...oh actually, Joy said that he beat you three in giving ‘puppy dog eyes’ and he’s teaching you how to use keyblades...that true?”
 
“Yeah!” Applebloom said as she summoned the Sweet Memories keyblade. “His puppy eyes are too cute to say no to and he wanted us to know how to protect ourselves.”
 
“Good for him.” I smile gently. “Well I best be going. Got another stop and got to pick up a friend. Have a nice day Applebloom.” I smile, summoning my glider again and flying off to the rock farm.
 
It was as barren as last time, though there was random junk everywhere. They must still be using that weird ass dungeon thing. I landed outside the door. I knocked. “Enter.” Said the monotone voice of Pinkie’s sister Maud. I entered and saw Maud sitting on a recliner that was not here last time playing a 3ds.
 
“Still having fun with that dungeon?” I ask curiously.
 
“Yes.” She replied plainly. “Got this new game two days ago.”
 
“Sounds good. I hope it didn't distract you from making rock candy.” I say. “Or...your family job in general.”
 
“It’s on the counter.” She said. “Didn't take long to make. Plus this is why pause was invented.”
 
“I know.” I chuckle before walking over to the counter, seeing the rock candy already packed and I put it all in my bag with the rest of my stuff. “Thanks.” I nod before heading out and flying back to Ponyville to find Bon Bon.
 
I didn't know where she lived so I landed in the market to ask around. Didn't take long as a nice vendor pointed me to her place. It was two stories, brick, white room with various flowers and plants around. I walk up and knock on the front door. “Hello?” I call out, hoping they're home.
 
“Just a second.” A female voice called out. After a bit a woman with green fur and mane and yellow eyes opened the door.
 
“Howdy.” I wave. “I'm here for Bon Bon, Pinkie couldn't make it so I'm here to pick her up.” I explain to the mare.
 
“Oh hey… who are you?” She asked.
 
“Uh…” I frown, before looking down and seeing I was in my normal clothes on. “Oh, sorry. I don't have my cloak on. But the names Ben, or as I'm known around the world, White Knight.” I explain. “This is just...how I normally look.”
 
“The what?” 
 
“The hero that kills monsters? The man who helped save Manhattan? The guy thats going to marry three elements of harmony, princess Luna?”
 
“I just got back from a year long tour of the minotaur lands. They don't get too much Equestria news over there.”
 
“Where's Bon Bon?” I sigh out. “But you have way too much to catch up on in Equestria news…”
 
“She's in her lab. Down the hall to the left, first door.”
 
“Thank you.” I nod. “And if you want at least some cliff notes, go to either the Spa and asks for a person named Ramilua, or go to the police station and ask for Dorlu.” I say before walking in and heading down to Bon Bons lab. After a few moments I found the right door and checked to see if there was any noises coming from it before I knocked.
 
There was nothing so I knocked. “Who is it?” A female voice asked.
 
“It's Ben. I'm here to pick you up cause Pinkies busy.”
 
“Oh. One second.” There was the sound of quick packing before the door opened, revealing a white and violet manes, cream colored coat mare dressed in a lab coat. “So you're Pinkie’s fiancée?”
 
“Yep, just not wearing my normal coat.” I nod. “Also question...are you and the mare I just met roommates or what?” I ask, wanting to at least know if people were right about the pairing.
 
“We’ve been friends since school. So yeah she’s my roommate.”
 
“Alright.” I nod. “Well let's get going. No need to keep that hyper mare waiting.” I say before walking outside the house and summoning my glider. “Hop on.” I say, getting on it and there was enough room for the mare.
 
She got on and I flew us over to the castle. Once we landed I lead her to the kitchen… where there were even more candies and sweets… and Joy sitting in the corner eating some. “Thanks Ben.” Pinkie said as she came up, hugged me and too the items and mare to the messy counter.
 
“Your welcome Pinkie.” I smile, walking over and starting to eat sweets with Joy.
 
Pinkie and Bon Bon got to work, mixing the zap apple jam with the rock candy that Bon Bon finely grounded to powder. They mixed it with some other stuff and it turned out they were making it into a frosting which they started placing on a cake that just needed the frosting added. 
 
“What are you two making?” I ask, munching on another cupcake. “Besides cake?”
 
“That’s it really, Pinkie and I came up with a recipe to cake frosting involving her family made rock candy and zapp apple jam. We’ve just been needing to try it out.” Bon Bon said.
 
“And the blazing gems?” I ask curiously, wondering why Pinkie needed that.
 
“My ten alarm hot sauce calls for it!” Pinkie said, dropping the gems into a pot with boiling water and a few other things into it.
 
“Uh...okay.” I nod. “What do you think about my mom and dad?” I ask the pink mare.
 
“They’re neato! We're learning about stuff you never talked to us about. Like your arachnophobia.” Pinkie said, giving me a candy spider.
 
“I hate spiders…” I grumble, tossing it away worriedly. “I hope they kept any...embarrassing stories away…”
 
“Well thanks for helping Ben, Bon Bon and I got the rest covered, you go have fun with Rarity, she and Coco are in her sewing room working on your cloak.”
 
“Oh sweet.” I smile, getting up and heading off to Rarity sewing room quickly, hoping to get my cloak and see how good it is now.
 
We need to put an elevator in here, it’s just stairs at the moment so yeah… I finally made it to the sewing room where I saw fabrics scattered and those two at my cloak that was being worn by a mannequin, and there were new features. It had those grey and black thorns sewn into the arms and chest, the hood now resembled more of a Dusk’s head, the zipper also went all the way up the hood rather than stopping at the neck, and they were doing something with the lower half. “Wow…” I mutter, really liking my cloak design.
 
“Oh, hello love.” Rarity said, quickly giving me a kiss before heading back to the cloak. “You like the design?”
 
“It looks great. The Dusk design is cool, but what else are you doing with it?” I ask curiously.
 
“We are altering the lower part to flow more and have a flare while doing it.” Coco said. “The cloak is also going to get some enchantments your father Cript is going to help us with.”
 
“Really? Cool.” I nod. “What kind of enchantments?”
 
“He said some elemental protection, general defences, and some special features.”
 
“Yay, surprises.” I sigh out. “But how close are you to finishing it? It honestly feels weird to not have my cloak on…” I say sheepishly, not wanting to say I felt naked without it but still.
 
“Well we are just finishing up this, then your father will do the rest and that will be that, should be done by dinner time or tomorrow morning.” Rarity said.
 
“Well...I was kind of planning on going to the Diamond Dog nation today...but I suppose tomorrow seems fine enough.” I say. ”I just hope there not pawns under Core’s thumb...I don’t want that fucker getting a foothold here.” I think to myself worriedly.
 
“I advice not letting Pinkie or Luna tag along… Diamond Dog nation is the porn capital of the world.” 
 
“I wasn’t going to bring anyone anyways.” I state bluntly. “Maybe Joy but that’s about it. No one else, I’m a hero and I need to be the hero a good portion of the world see’s me as.”
 
“Alright, just before you leave say your goodbyes, or we will hunt you down.” Rarity said with a sly smile.
 
“God help me…” I grumble. “But before I leave...did Coco tell you all something only you're allowed to know and for me to never find out?”
 
“No.” Rarity said. 
 
“I didn’t.” Coco said.
 
“Alright.” I nod. “Well see you.” I say, patting Coco’s shoulder and kissing Rarity’s cheek. “Thanks.” I say while heading out, swiftly moving through the house and telling everyone bye and getting Joy to tag along, which he wore a nice looking scarf as he followed me on a card he started surfboarding on as we headed off towards the diamond dog region that I thankfully got the directions from Gilda who really didn’t care about tagging along to porn central.
 
Even at the speed we were going it got late when we arrived. The whole kingdom was a tall, walled in place with one main gate and mines all around the surrounding lands. The main city as it seemed was rather modern looking to my and Joy’s surprise. When we landed the people didn't even bat an eye…we blend right in! “Well...glad we blend in.” Joy says honestly, keeping his guard up though.

“Just be careful, I’m pretty sure many a dog will try to hit on us whether we’re dating or not.” I frown.
 
We walked through town, finding it rather interesting, though occasionally some people dug themselves out of the ground. And dug themselves into it. Guess it’s normal as no one batted an eye either. If we wanna find evidence of the Diamond Dogs dealing with Core we gotta think. Where would that happen…on Knowhere that trading thing took place in an older spot of the place so maybe same rules apply? Where’s info when you need it? “Taverns?” Joy asks.
 
“Taverns are probably the best place.” I sigh out. “Let’s hope things don’t go poorly.” I mutter.
 
We looked around and saw a place that looked like a restaurant and a bar, Joy and I entered and to our surprise the barkeep was human. “What will it be?” She asked as Joy and I took a seat. “No booze for minors.” She quipped, putting a cup of water in front of Joy.
 
“Get me a glass of water as well, I don’t want booze at the moment.” I say with a little raised hand.
 
She placed the glass in front of me. “You ain’t from this city.” She said. “Tourists?”
 
“Just heard some rumors about the place, besides the obvious.” I say honestly.

“We’ve been hearing monsters are being handled everywhere but here...yet they don’t attack. Know anything or know anyone that might know about this weird coincidence?” Joy asks, acting like a kid that’s just been hearing about the dangerous stuff.
 
“All I know is that the last guy who asked that question took his answer to the grave. Some detective from Minos came here a month ago asking the same thing, was found dead a week ago, the scene was brutal.” The woman said. “I do know he had a knack for journaling, his is likely in his coffin with the poor guy.”
 
“Have you seen anyone…’interesting’ around here? Like they don’t fit right in this weird ass world?” I ask curiously. “I’d rather not bump into the wrong person by accident.”
 
“Well yesterday on my way to work I saw another human in the streets. Some guy that was rummaging through garbage out back. Other than that no. And yes that’s odd as I’m the only human in this city, least til I saw him.”
 
“What did he look like?” I ask, having a worse and worse feeling that one of Core’s lackeys are here. ”It’s Core, or that evil me.” I think to myself angrily.
 
“Kinda short, red shirt, dyed green hair, and had some kinda backpack with him.”
 
I looked at Joy, who just had a thoughtful look. “Thank you. Do you know anyone that might be alive and know something?” I ask curiously, knowing full well just asking this puts her in danger and us.
 
“Nope. Anyone who asks questions like yours and act on them go missing and are often found dead.”
 
“Right then.” I nod. “Thanks for telling us all this...and sorry.” I say sheepishly.
 
“Whatever.” She said. “Ten bits for the water, each.”
 
“That’s...bull…” I frown.
 
“Water station’s been out for three days, supply and demand.” She said.
 
“Has there been any reports on why that happened or was there just the usual ‘something bad happened, we’ll fix it’?” Joy asks.
 
“Just some punks stole the main pumps, the whole pumps. Those things are two inches thick and weigh at least a ton, must have been some kinda mess, they need to build new ones or else in two more days city’s safe water supply will have run dry.”
 
”How in the hell?” I think to myself, wondering how the fuck some punks stole whole fucking pumps like that. “Thank you for everything.” I say while grabbing my wallet and giving her thirty bits. “Ten bits for you.” I smile, wanting to be nice at least.
 
“Thanks.” She replied.
 
“So...what’s there to eat?” Joy asks, just wondering what small thing to eat here.
 
“Beef, beef, Pork, and Beef.” She said plainly.
 
“I’ll have some pork.” Joy nods.

“Any specifics on the beef besides ‘you just get beef’?” I ask curiously, wondering if she was just being silly.
 
“Hamburger or ribs? Cook’s out sick so that’s all I can cook with what we got.” The barkeep said.
 
“Ribs please.” I say with a little nod, feeling like the bad things happening here seems a tad too coincidental.
 
She left into the back room and about ten minutes later came out with a plate of barbecue ribs for me and a slab of cooked pork for Joy. “Anything else?”
 
“That’s it, thank you.” I nodded.

“Thank you.” Joy smiled cutely, before digging into his food happily.
 
We ate our food, which wasn’t half bad, and when we finished she gave us the bill…only three bits? “Here’s you go.” I say, handing the bits. “But let’s see now...the food is cheap but the water is expensive...I suppose you're having a good amount of meat being brought in?”
 
“Diamond dog lands may not look like much, be we carry more meat products than Minous and the dragon kingdoms put together, meats all raised underground since top side is largely holes. Beef is the most common at a bit, and pork second at two bits.”
 
“Sheesh, sounds nice.” I nod while getting up. “It was good.”

“Thank you.” Joy smiles before the two of us leave the tavern. “Yeah...this seems kind of convenient…” Joy mutters, finding all the weird murders over people asking questions, and how their water supply getting instantly shivved seemed quite weird to happen so closely.
 
We headed for the water plant first, it was all fenced off but Joy and I used out gliders and flew over it. There wasn’t anything locked and when we got in we found two tanks filled with nasty looking water and two massive holes in the wall. So that’s where the missing pipes used to be. “Jesus christ...who the hell could pull them out? I doubt normal diamond dog ‘punks’ could do this..” I mutter.
 
“I have a bad feeling about this…” Joy mutters, his ears twitching and keeping up on listening for anything out there.
 
We examined the spot where the pipes went and they looked sliced off. Something able to slice cleanly through two inch steel and strong enough to carry them out. Liking this less and less. “We better leave...I have a feeling someone of power would know what’s going on.” I frown, having a feeling people in charge would be able to tell us.
 
“Hello?” Joy and I froze as a flashlight shined on us. It was a diamond dog, dressed in a security guard's uniform. “What? What are you two doing here?” He asked.
 
“Cripe…” I sigh out. “Question, have you heard of the ‘White Knight of Equis’?” I ask curiously, hoping the guard knew who I was. “Yes I know, I’m not wearing my cloak, but it is me, and I can show you proof if you need my guard.”
 
“You have proof?”
 
“Yes.” I nod, raising my hand and summoning Reunion. “Only the White Knight can summon a weapon like this in this way.” I say. “And only he knows it’s weapons name.” He says.
 
“Alright, you proved it. But what are you doing looking into stolen pipes? Things slow in the pony lands?”
 
“This worlds name is ‘Equis’, which means I’m here to protect the entire world.” I say. “But me and my sidekick here are investigating some very...strange rumors.” I explain. “This being one of them. And it just so happens someone very strong cut through this and hauled it away, no ‘punks’ could do this no matter how hard they tried.” I frown. “Have you heard any rumors around about how the pipes were stolen or destroyed?”
 
“...Well, only the royal detectives have seen this, but I do still have the security footage. It’s odd to say the least.” The guard said.
 
“Can we see the footage?” Joy asks hopefully.
 
“Yeah, the office is this way.” He said, leading us to the office. It was fair sized, a few desks and a table with many screens. He looked through a desk then pulled out a video tap with red tape on it. He put it to play then fast forward to the part with the pipes. There was someone in a hooded robe on screen. His head lit up and there was a flash as the pipes vanished and he walked away. “Unicorn, strong one too it seems to magic away pipes that big.”
 
“Magic can teleport it away, but what about the part where they cut the entire things off?” I frown, rewinding it and putting the thing in slow motion, watching every single little detail about the footage. “Come on you cheeky fuck...tell me your secrets on how you did this…” I mutter.
 
“It was the teleportation.” Joy, the guard, and I jumped as we turned around, seeing Cript dad there. “Come on that’s teleporting 101.”
 
“So the fact that the pipes were completely cut off was a teleportation spell?” I ask with a frown.
 
“Yeah, when you teleport only part of an object what’s left behind is left with a clean cut where the magic didn't cover. Also here.” Cript dad handed me my new cloak. “And here.” He handed a smaller version of it to Joy, but the hood on his looked more like the Samurai rather than a Dusk. “Figured why not.”
 
“Yay!” Joy cheers, putting on his coat happily and finding it fits perfectly.
 
“Thanks dad.” I nodded, putting on my cloak as well.
 
“This blot your pa?” The guard asked. 
 
“Yeah, his mother is a dire wolf.”
 
“Ah.” The guard said, satisfied with the answer.
 
“Okay so we know about the teleportation part...but that still doesn’t explain why they would just take the pipe? Yes if you cripple a nation's water supply they start dwindling…” I frown.

“Then why aren’t Heartless around here and why investigators are dying left and right just for asking questions.” Joy adds, finding these questions rather worrying.
 
“Your side quest.” Dad said. “But here’s a hint, each person’s magic smells unique to a dog.” With that dad vanished.
 
Me and Joy frowned, having a good feeling that our tracking by scent skills were going to be put to the test. “Thank you very much...uh...sorry what’s your name again?”
 
“Oh, Kreg.” The guard said.
 
“It was nice to meet you Kreg, and thank you for showing us this.” I nod.

“It was nice meeting you.” Joy smiles, the two of us starting to leave, putting our hoods up and feeling cool again. “This feels cool.” Joy chuckles happily.
 
We walked up to where the pipes were teleported away and took a....sniff. Bad water mostly filled our noses but there was something faint…caramel?  “Why the hell does the magic smell of caramel?” I frown.
 
“Well we have a lead at least...let’s just make sure we stay away from a place that makes caramel.” Joy says sheepishly. We both left the entire water plant and started moving through the place, following the scent of caramel magic through the place without looking like a bunch of jackasses...even though our cloaks made us stand out like sore thumbs.
 
We ended up in…a suburban area surprisingly. And we were brought to a house that was wood, one story with a nice yard. “Oi vey…” I mutter, walking up to the front door of the house and knocking on the door. “Hello?”
 
“Coming.” A female voice called out. After a bit, to our surprise, a wolf pony person opened the door. She was pony cause diamond dogs don’t have wings. “Hello? Wait…the white knight?”
 
“Hello.” I nod to the wolf pony. “How are you doing today?” I ask curiously.
 
“Uh, w-what are you doing here?” She asked flustered.
 
“Me and my partner here are wondering something. May we come in?” I ask kindly, Joy staring at the wolf pony and just smiled happily.
 
“S-sure.” She said as we came in. It was a nice home, and cozy. Joy and I sat on the couch across from the woman. “So… what brings Equestria’s greatest hero to my home?”
 
“Have you heard about the water pipes somehow disappearing?” I ask the wolf. “Anything at all?”
 
“Who hasn’t, someone broke into the facility and stole them…somehow. Heard they’re huge so whoever did it had the resources.”
 
“Ya see...there’s a saying ‘the nose knows’...and for some reason me and my partner here just so happened to have caught magic with the scent of caramel.” I explain. “But we were brought here...and you’re part pegasus...mind explaining that Ms…?” I ask, hoping she’ll give us a name.
 
“Please, any information would be wonderful.” Joy says, wanting to get to the bottom of this.
 
“Star Gem, and sorry but I’m the only halfbreed in this area, as for regular ponies there is the mailman, Letter Check. But he lives on the other side of town.”
 
“Then why were we brought here?” I frown, sniffing the air again just to make sure that the scent was right. I could still smell it, slightly stronger sure but I didn’t smell anyone else. “Uh...mind if we search the house? I just...want to make sure of something.”
 
“Sure.” Star said.
 
I searched the house and kept sniffing, following the faint yet growing smell of caramel. I ended up in stars room and the scent was coming directly from some kind of necklace that was hung on the wall among others on display. “Hey Star? What’s this necklace?” I ask worriedly, hoping this isn’t some possession type of thing.
 
She came over and looked at it. “A friend of mine asked me to have it, said it was payback for the eighty bits he owed me. I’m no rock expert or anything, ironic given where I live, so I just put it with my other necklaces.”
 
The necklace looked like the metal was regulat iron and the gem was opal, but smelled like the caramel I was following. “Have you ever wore this?” I ask, glaring at the necklace and having a bad feeling about this. “And where did your friend find this?”
 
“Dunno. He works in the mines so he probably made it.”
 
“Yet the thing is filled with the same magic that stole the water pipes.” I frown. “Have you ever wore this?” I ask, hating this damned necklace more than ever.
 
“No, opals aren’t my thing. I was gonna sell it for my eighty bits actually. Wait, it was used to steal the pipes? How?”
 
“It’s probably enchanted…” I frown. “I don’t know how…” I frown, gently poking it and wondering if it’ll either shock me or cause some sort of effect.
 
When nothing happened I pocketed the gem. “Man…not Iron Side…”
 
“Ironside?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at the wolf girl.
 
“The friend that gave it to me… you think he’s the one who stole the pipes?”
 
“Where does he live?” I ask curiously, wanting to make sure this jack wipe didn’t just screw over a country.
 
“Across from me actually.” She went over to the window, pointing at the house directly across from us. “There.”
 
“Well alright then.” I nod. “Thank you for your time Ms. Star. I hope you have a nice day.” I say to her, patting her head gently before me and Joy head off to Iron Side’s house. After a little bit and knocked on the front door of Iron Side’s house. “Hello?” I call out, hoping the person was here.
 
There was no response other than a cat’s meow from inside. I took a sniff. It was a real cat. “Of course…” I mutter, trying to door knob to see if it was open at least even though the person probably wasn’t home. It opened and out of worry I summoned Sharp Shooters, as did Joy. We walked in and aside from being dusty it was a nice enough place. Dude even had a PS3 and a small library of games. We walked into the bathroom and saw the tub completely taped over.
 
“Yeah...this isn’t really fucking worrying.” I frown.

“Yeah...why is the bathtub tapped over?” Joy asks worriedly, hoping that isn’t hiding a body.
 
“Meow.” The cat came out, walking over by me, then to Joy. It was completely white. “Meow.” Is meowed at Joy, looking him dead in the eyes.
 
“Hello, trying to tell us something?” I ask curiously, hoping the strange cat is trying to tell us something rather than being annoying. “I’m not sure if the girls are allergic to cats...:”
 
“Rarity has a cat…had a cat…” Joy said nervously.
 
“Oh yeah.” I say while picking up the pure white kitty. “How you doing little one?” I ask, hoping the cat’s at least fed.
 
“Meow.” Was all it said.
 
“Good.” I nod, petting the cat before putting him down gently. “Well so far this house has shown us jack all besides dusty as fuck, a taped over bath tub, and a pure white cat…” I frown, Joy walking over to the tub and gently poking a hole in it and hoping to christ nothing bad happened.
 
The stench of decay filled the room in seconds, and with a dire wolf’s sense of smell that’s STRONG! Joy and I bolted, Joy grabbing the cat as we exited. We immediately rushed over to Stars house and opened the door, letting the cat in before rushing over to some bushes and collectively threw up on them. “Ho fuck! That is just wrong!” I whimper.
 
“Never...again…” Joy whimpers, throwing up some more into the bushes.
 
“Whimps.” We looked up, seeing dad floating in front of us. “Little death and you turn tail and flee.” 
 
“Two things, one, I have only killed one person and they just shattered...and two that’s both the first time we smelled necrotic anything...and our noses are really sensitive.” I groan.
 
“Excuses. Anyway, just so you know I am kinda watching/following you.”
 
“Kind of thought that Cript.” I sigh out.

“Anyways...we have an enchanted necklace, a dead body...and a loss of leads.” Joy groans. “Or at least as far as we know cause that necklace smells exactly what the magic used back in the water pipes is…”
 
“Well, now that’s cheap.” Cript said, floating down and looking at the necklace. “It’s just for storing a single spell. Cheap.”
 
“And now we’re back at square one of ‘who did it?’, but now we have the question of ‘who used that necklace?’, because I have a feeling the spell on that is a teleportation spell…” I sigh out.
 
“One time use too.” Dad added, tossing back the necklace. “Whoever put the spell in it had a vague idea of what to do.”
 
I grabbed the necklace and put it in my pocket. “Fucking weak.” I groan. “Well...maybe we can solve at least two mysteries by going to meet the leader...they might know something about both the water pipes, and the fact that Heartless aren’t attacking here and all the deaths for people asking it.”
 
“Killing someone and doing that to the body… that’s the mark of a professional. If they can’t hide the body they can prolong its discovery. Hiding the smell is one of the better ways. There still might be evidence in the house. Notes, items, the works.”
 
“We could probably...try to stomach through the smell and see the body…” I sigh out. “Christ...being a detective isn’t a nice job…” I grumble.
 
“There is a reason those hoods zip all the way up you two, added a gas mask spell that turns on when you zip the hood all the way up, also yes you can see with it like that.”
 
“You could have told us that…” We sigh out, zipping up our coats all the way up. “There we go…” I mutter. “Time to get back in there and investigate.” I say, heading off back into the house with Joy. When we were back in we were hoping the gas mask wasn’t a joke...only to be thankful that the gas mask worked, and soon we were on our way to investigating the entire house and trying to find anything. Joy tackled the rest of the house while I tackled the possible body in the bath. I took a deep breath and started taking off the tape, hoping to figure out the things situation.
 
When the tape came off the body looked like it was oozing pus as the eyes went from a dead grey to a long dead black. Flesh had fallen if in some parts while it was grotesquely swollen in others. His fur looked like he had mange. He also had pants on so I took a deep breath and checked the pockets. There was a few bits and some folded up piece of paper that was partly soaked in dead body juices. 
 


Queen’s Dog House
7:00


 
Is what it said. “Well...at least it’s a lead...but where the hell is it?” I mutter, memorising the place and time, even though it was a little ambiguous due to it not giving either a ‘day/night’ kind of thing for the time. “Well it’s better than nothing.” I mutter. When I got out Joy said he found nothing so we went back to Star’s place. When we entered the house we pulled down the zippers and took a breath of fresh air. “That’s nice.”

“So, what did you find?” Joy asks curiously.

“A note telling Iron Side to head to the ‘Queen’s Dog House’.” I say. “At seven...and that was it. No day or night part given.”
 
“It was a reminder.” Dad said, appearing next to Joy and I again. “Only notes to remind yourself are so lack of info. Cause it’s only what you need to remember.”
 
“There are two things wrong, what’s the proper time, and where’s the place…” I frown. “Hey Star?” I ask.
 
“Queen’s Dog House?” Star asked. “I know the place actually, used to work there…not proud of it.”
 
“Is it what I think it is?” I frown.
 
“Yep. Strip club. Not many places hire hybrids unless they actually listen to the crowns laws about hybrids or their clients are into other species or mixed species.”
 
“Oh dear…” I sigh out.
 
“I don’t think this is gonna be good…” Joy says worriedly.
 
“Well...who knew an investigation will lead us to a freaking strip club…” I shake my head. “Oi vey…”
 
With the address given to us we found the strip club rather quickly. It was a surprisingly new looking building, had a sexy Diamond dog woman with a gold tiara on the entrance. As Joy and I began walking in the Bouncer stopped us. “I.D. please.” He asked.
 
I brought out my wallet and checked my I.D. and it just so happened that it showed my new face and name. “Here’s you go.” I say while showing it to the bouncers, Joy rummaging through his pockets and finding his I.D. as well.
 
“Uh...here you go.” Joy says, bringing it up to the bouncers and even though he was the look and size of a twelve year old it read that he was over 300 years old for some reason.
 
“Tall, go in, small fry, nice try.” The bouncer said as he was letting me in but holding Joy back.
 
“Sorry little guy.” I say while patting Joy’s head, making the little guy huff.

“Sheesh, beings in their mid twenties can be believed to be a thousand or so years old, but when a twelve year old has honest I.D. saying he’s three hundred is apparently ‘too far fetched’.” Joy grumbles while I just chuckle and walk on into the strip club.
 
Upon entering I was met with naked and near naked woman everywhere, a fair amount mixed or a race other than Diamond dog. Where to look…“Hey puppy.” I turned around as a griffon-diamond dog mixed lady in a…lacy, bikini, spoke to me. She had wings and a lion’s tail but the rest was largely diamond dog, save for a few feathers near her elbows.
 
”Oh dear…” I think to myself bitterly. ”Should I just openly say ‘has this guy come here?’...christ I should have thought this through…” I think to myself worriedly. “Hi…” I say to the sexy woman.
 
“So what brings you here? Ball and chain too old?” She puts, grabbing my hand with the engagement ring and petting it. “I won’t tell~”
 
I growled. “I’m engaged, and no I’m not here to ‘entertain’ myself. I’m here to ask a question, do you know someone by the name of ‘Iron Side’? Or anyone here that knows of him?” I ask curiously, hoping the stripper would get her thoughts away from my pants and to some actual helpful talk as I pulled my hand away, making sure my ring was still on my finger.
 
“Iron Side?” She asked, breaking the ‘slutty’ persona. “He was checking up on his cousin, regularly, and no, not like that. She works the… bathroom…” The woman said, pointing over the the only bathroom door in the building.
 
“Thank you.” I nod. “But...considering how you stopped to say that word...is she doing what I think she’s doing?”
 
“Relax, it’s more of a…well, no one actually uses the bathroom. Just watch where you walk, and…don’t touch the walls…or doorknob.”
 
“Oh for fuck sakes.” I groan, pinching the bridge of my nose bitterly. “Thanks…” I mutter, starting to walk towards the ‘bathroom’. “Seriously...a messy as hell bathroom is a medical problem waiting to happen and I don’t even know the health codes…” I mutter bitterly, putting my hands in my pockets and ignoring the many women staring at me.
 
I, rather trickily, opened the door and inside was all white, and there was stalls…made of clear glass as several women were sitting behind the locked stall doors. “Anyone specific~?” The woman in the first stall asked.
 
“First up this already looks like a slave pen for some reason…” I say worriedly.
 
“We let the highest bidders in sweetheart~. This glass is bulletproof.”
 
I take a deep breath. “And by ‘highest bidder’...” I start, trying my best not to just get super pissed here.
 
“Bathroom sex fetish. You new at this?” 
 
“No...it’s just I said ‘this looks like a slave pen’, then you said ‘we let the highest bidders in’...so that’s kinda your fault honestly.” I shrug.
 
“Whatever. So you gonna bid or talk?”
 
“I’m looking for a relative of Iron Side. I was told she was here.” I say.
 
“Oh, last stall.” She said, pointing to the last stall as a diamond dog woman dressed in only toilet paper, clean, was there looking confused at me now.
 
I walk over to the last stall. “Hello.” I say. “What’s your name Ms…?” I ask, even though I was in a fucking strip club I wanted to be at least nice to some extent.
 
“Copper Plate. Why are you looking for me specifically?”
 
“Iron Side...sadly came down with a case of murdered.” I state. “And I’m wondering if you know who might actually want to murder him for whatever reason.”
 
Copper Plate looked horrified. “Y..you’re sure it was Iron Side?!” She asked in a panic, unlocking the stall door and grabbing me by my cloak. “Are you sure?!”
 
“I found his decaying body in a taped over bath tub.” I say. “I’m sorry...but please, tell me who would even go that far to kill him? Has Iron Side done anything weird? Has he been talking to the wrong people? Tell me everything you know please.”
 
She cried for a bit before trying to compose herself. “H-he, he was trying to become a detective. Since a lot of underground types come here he asked me for leads. I told him a while ago that a new gang rented the whole club out, they were lead by some… woman, human surprisingly. She didn’t do anything but talk with someone else about random stuff. I told him this and a month later he was in the gang under cover to gather evidence for the police. Last I saw him I gave him this enchanted pendant with a teleportation spell for use in it in case it went too far for him.”
 
“That’s...even weirder…” I frown. “The necklace you gave him, what did it look like?”
 
“Amber stone, cheap metal, was just in case of emergency for him.”
 
“Well apparently the gang that Iron was in gave them a key to stealing the main water pumps…” I frown. “That’s not good…” I frown. “What was the lead? Who is this gang?” I ask, already having a feeling I’m gonna have to beat some people here.
 
“I just told him what I overheard. The woman was recruiting locals at some park, and the gang…they didn’t have any name I heard, just a symbol.”
 
“Mind showing me this symbol?” I ask, having a bad feeling about all of this.
 
“You got a pen and paper?”
 
I quickly brought out a pen and pad of paper, due to how many damned times Twilight told me to carry them. “Here’s you go my toilet paper clad lady.”
 
“Har har.” She said, taking the items and began drawing. When she gave the drawing back to me, it was a symbol I somewhat recognized…this was from a fairly new game back on earth…Dishonored I think, but it was over the Heartless symbol.
 
“Well…” I start. “Shit.” I frown. “My worst fears just happened to come true. Do you know anyone that is possibly related to this symbol at all? Anyone that knows more?” I ask.
 
“Just rumors. One regular here does have this symbol on his left hand. He usually comes around seven.”
 
“What does he look like?” I ask, my hood hiding my rage.
 
“Pure blooded griffon from the look of him. Black feathers too, red tips.”
 
“Thank you.” I nod. “You have no idea how much you’ve helped me here. Now I can stop this hidden choke hold on this entire kingdom.” I growl, patting the dog’s head gently.
 
“Just catch my cousin’s killer… I’m gonna cash in my vacation days…” She said sadly as she left.
 
I sighed out and left the ‘bathroom’ as well, and then immediately the entire strip club and found Joy. “Figure anything out?” Joy asks, getting up from his seated position.

“Well we’re gonna have to wait till 7 to find the proper fucker behind all this.” I frown. “I just hope nothing bad will happen…” I sigh out, checking the time and wondering how long we’ll have to wait.
 
It was five, about two hours to kill. Well, guess I’ll leave and steak out from the outside. I walked outside and saw Joy playing tic-tac-toe with the bouncer. “Cat wins.” The bouncer said, no winner on the board.
 
“Seems like you're having fun.” I chuckle.
 
“I was bored, he wanted to play.” Joy shrugged.
 
Luckily there was a restaurant with window seats across from the strip club so Joy and I walked in there, took seats at a window with a good view of the club and tried to act like we were just killing time rather than waiting for a suspect. “So...one of Core’s lacky’s are here.” I sigh out.
 
“What was your first clue?” Joy deadpans.
 
“There’s the part where I saw a Dishonored symbol mixed with a Heartless symbol...which is rather worrisome because if memory serves from trailers that symbol gave you magic powers…” I explain. “So having Dishonored powers and Darkness powers...that sounds kind of worrying.” I frown.
 
The waitress came and we ordered some burgers and some soda. After half an hour the griffin that was the description Copper gave us walked up to the strip club. Joy and I payed for the meal then headed out. The bouncer still didn’t let Joy in but he stood close to the door just incase. I entered and looked around for the Griffin. I spotted him sitting at a table drinking with a view of the pole dancers.
 
I swiftly made my way over to the Griffon in question. “How are you doing today my obviously not evilly designed friend?” I ask the griffon honestly, making a joke about how his design just said ‘evil’ with the black and red motif.
 
“You stupid? Cause the White Knight of Equis clearly doesn't know the meaning of discrete or camouflage. You stick out like a sore thumb Knight.”
 
“So does the black and red griffon trying not to literally have ‘Evil’ flash above him in giant neon letters.” I deadpan. “Mind finishing up your drink and taking this outside? I have some...choice words.”
 
“Again, I ain’t stupid. I’m staying right here. You won’t risk making a move on me and scaring these people and I can keep my head.” He said as he took a small sip.
 
“Then let me ask why you’re just murdering everyone here and have most likely crippled the kingdom’s water pumps?” I ask, finding that weird.
 
“Fine, but here’s my catch. You ask me a question, I ask you a question. Deal?”
 
“Fine enough.” I say. “So you want to ask your question first or answer mine first?”
 
“I’ll answer, consider it kindness. It’s the bosses plan. She got the whole underground working to move in on the crown fast. Now here’s a question for you. What reason do you have to fight?”
 
“My reason is to make sure shit lords like your boss and your bosses bosses don’t just destroy everything without a single fuck given.” I explain. “And you must know that you are literally a shit stain to your boss and would sooner kill you if you aren’t useful right?” I aks.
 
“I know I’m disposable. We all are. That counts as your question by the way. My question, what’s your relation to Gilda?”
 
“Why is that important?” I ask. “I just want some clarification here, are you a relative or something for you to warrant worry?”
 
“I’m her father.”
 
“I’m her fiance.” I say to him.
 
“Ah, already on opposite sides of the law it seems. I left Gilda with her mother when she was just four. Work like mine it’s best to cut ties before the enemy finds them.”
 
“Well Gilda’s always been a rebel...but do you have a ‘collar’ on you as it were?” I ask curiously. “Like you are now forced to work with these sick fucks by force instead of by your own volition?” I ask, hearing Joy mentally tell me he’s called for help.
 
“I signed up for this yes, my only reason for still working with the boss is that she’s insane. Why do you think Iron Side died? He hesitated on a job and she killed him. Professional killer, and little emotions.”
 
“Who’s your boss?” I ask.
 
“She goes by Clare. Wears this metal mask that looks like a mechanical demon face of sorts, or a sad robot. Either or I’ve never seen her face. So… how did you and Gilda meet?”
 
“Why should you care anyways? I have a feeling you’d rather see her dead now because of what side she’s on.” I ask with a frown, knowing full well that if you pick a side you’d sooner kill family without a second thought if they were on the other side.
 
“Sides aside she’s blood. Griffon’s value blood ties more than gold before our homeland pride was shattered. Call me old schooled.”
 
“We met when I was helping a her friend, who happens to now be one of my fiance's as well.” I say with a nod. “But let me ask, what was the ‘old school courting’ for griffons?”
 
“Dominance. Female picks out a mate and if he could ‘tame’ the female they were wed.”
 
“Looks like Gilda is ‘old school’ in one way.” I say sheepishly.
 
“Heh. Good to know. Has she spoken of her mother at all?”
 
I sigh out. “Sadly no. I’m either too busy or she’s busy trying to get stronger because of your boss and their group for us to try and get closer through words…” I say bitterly. “But I’m sure she’ll talk to me about it. You have any words about your wife?”
 
“Not much. We were wed and had Gilda very quickly so we didn’t know each other well enough sadly. She was a…proud griffon though. Never asked for help nor needed it. Part of why I felt safe leaving Gilda with her. Out of the griffon’s in that sad place she could raise Gilda with a sense of pride.”
 
“And you can be proud of your daughter now.” I say. “She’s strong, tough, and will be a wonderful mother with the rest of my herd.” I say.
 
“I never understood ponies and herds well, but to each their own. So what else do you want to know?”
 
“You said your boss is going towards the crown...so your boss is literally going to kill the new leader and make this a foothold for her boss?” I ask.
 
“Her plan is simpler than that. It’s pure regicide. Chock the water, food will follow, and with the crown gone, the kingdom dies. Frankly she’d prefer to blow the city to hell and deeper, but her boss want’s the queen’s heart for some reason.”
 
“Excuse me a moment.” I say while turning around and calling for help, just to make sure Joy’s call got through. ”Shit shit shit shit, things bad happening!” I think to myself worriedly, hoping to nip this problem before it fully chokes the country. “Thank you Mr…?”
 
“Delto. So do you even know who the current queen is?”
 
“I’ve heard...but sadly because of the amount of shit the ‘White Knight of Equis’ has to do sometimes my mind gets sidetracked.” I sigh out. “Who is the queen? And honestly...I was debating on whether in Diamond Dog territory whether it was ‘Alpha’ or ‘Queen’, so I just went with ‘leader’.”
 
“Well queen is more of a… title. The queen is declared based upon popularity among the peoples. It can be anyone but this queen is unique.”
 
“How so?” I ask, wondering what’s special about this queen besides having possibly made this kingdom what it is today.
 
“Well for starters, she is a Pony, not a Diamond Dog.”
 
“Oh...now I’m curious on how that happened.” I say honestly. “But you said that your boss and your fellow workers are going after the queen correct?”
 
“Sorta. You see, the Queen is bound to the kingdom via an ancient necklace. It keeps her stuck in the castle too. It's powered by the people's devotion to her also. It's called the Queen’s Heart. Something about it the Boss wants. Sadly it only comes off if the people no longer care for her or if she dies.”
 
“Well that’s not good…” I frown. “So I just have to stop your boss and her followers before the queen dies huh? Sounds simple enough in a ‘this is going to suck’ kind of way.” I sigh out. “Are they in the middle of attacking the queen or are they still getting there?”
 
“It won't take long for them to reach the queen. They plan to start the attack in four hours. I’ll be there also. So if it comes to it, don't hesitate to end me.”
 
To my surprise in the corner of my eye there was letters forming.
 


-Optional: Kill Delto.


 
“I’ll...think on that.” I say. “But...do you have any last words I should tell Gilda?” I ask. “As a father, not as a murderer.”
 
“Tell her…check her favorite swing at the old playground.” With that, Delto raised the hand with the mark. It glowed and he vanished ar darkness covered him.
 
“Well…” I mutter, before vanishing and appearing outside. “Not good not good not good.” I mutter, starting to fly in the air and summoning Reunion and Frozen Pride. “So little time…” I mutter before bolting off to the castle.

“Hey!” Joy calls out, the pup wielding Sharpshooters and following next to me quickly. “So yeah...this is a whole bunch of things.”

“Four hours till this entire kingdom is bricked...and we don’t even know where to start besides the castle...not to mention that weird leader…” I growl, continuing to fly off towards the castle. “And I have a good feeling we’re not going to get help cause ‘it’s our quest, no helping’.” I say in a tad bit of anger, not sure if we’ll be able to save everyone.
 
When we flew to the castle and upon landing were stopped by guards. “Halt!” They barked.
 
“Don’t give a fuck, need to warn the queen.” I frown.
 
“Provide identification and maybe we’ll escort you to her majesty Rune.”
 
“Does the cloak and weird looking sword not already explain how obvious it is to tell who I am?” I ask the guards. “Or are you out of the loop of all the porn that’s been made of me?” I explain. “This little guy is my sidekick, haven’t thought of a name yet, so how’s about you lead us to the Queen or she’s going to die in the next four hours.”
 
“Wait… Rune?” Joy asked, slightly confused.
 
“Wait...oh for fuck sakes of course it’s that horny as hell mare…” I groaned, facepalming at now remembering Zeke’s horny as hell wife. “Yes, it’s that Rune.” I say, our memories being shared to plenty of an extent.
 
“Oh jeez…” Joy mutters, now remembering Unum’s words to Zeke. “Anyways, can we please meet the Queen? It’s a matter of her own safety.”
 
“We got role play strippers here all the time. ID then you can enter.” One of the guards said.
 
I walked over and walked through the door without caring. “I have diplomatic immunity! I am a Prince of Equestria and am marrying the Dragon Lord’s daughter, you can suck my dick.” I state while just walking through.
 
“Thanks for the offer!” I jumped as my reflections Rune appeared in front of me with Pinkie style teleportation. The only difference between this one and Zeke’s is that this one was red highlights in her mane. “So this is the real White Knight of Equis…kinda thought you'd be taller.”
 
“I’m eighteen, I’m pretty sure I still have room for growing.” I say. “Anyways my very horny majesty, you’re life is in danger.”
 
“Yes, trained assassins with magic beyond this world are coming to kill you and destroy this entire kingdom. They’ve murdered every investigator, destroyed the water pumps, and are coming for you in four hours.” Joy explains, wanting her to know full well that she’s in danger. “And their boss won’t stop until she has your head and your necklace.”
 
“Oh…well shit.” She said. “So… ah! I give you White Knight and….White Squire…full legal reign of the kingdom so long as my head doesn't roll.”
 
“Sweet.” Joy smiles.
 
“Thank you your majesty.” I nod. “Now, your guard said that you have...role play strippers...the fuck lady?” I frown.
 
“I didn't make this place the porn capital and not indulge a bit every now and then. Before I got here this city was mostly dirt and brick houses. Now it's modern.”
 
“Yet for some reason your guards thought I wasn’t me...so I’ve been role played before?” I ask, wondering if that horror of an idea is something.
 
“To this castle. Yes. Sixteen times. Maids each had one for their bachelorette parties.”
 
“Oh lordy…” I sigh out.
 
“All this guys wives would tell you your ‘role players’ have nothing on him.” Joy says while pointing to me.
 
“Shut up Squire…” I growl, my face going beat red. “This is not the time to talk, we need to be ready for the assassins…”
 
“Gah!” We turned around, seeing someone in black clothes and a gas mask stabbing one of the guards. A bit further back was more, a woman in a metal mask, and Delto.
 
“Delto, take care of the Squire. I’ll deal with the Knight. Rest of you… have fun.” Everyone nodded as they scattered, Delto rushing at Joy and the Boss, or Clare, as Delto said, charged at me.
 
“Run!” I shout to Rune, summoning Samurai’s to handle the others before dashing towards Clare and trying to slash at her, Joy dashing to the side while summoning Fair Game and drawing Delto towards him and off to the side.
 
Clare pulled out a black Fenrir keyblade and we crossed keyblades. “So you are the White Knight. Real name Ben, age eighteen, born 1993, November 5th, blood type B positive, 2.1 gpa, B average.”
 
“Random things are random.” I frown, thorns starting to crawl up my keyblade and trying to stab at Clare’s hand and face.
 
She blocked and dodged them effortlessly. “Father dead, mother dead few years later. Foster care for two years before grandparents took you in.” She added, pulling out a crossbow and firing at me. 
 
I raised my shield and a pillar of ice shot up from the ground, blocking the crossbow bolts. “How do you know any of this?” I ask, moving to the side of the pillar and dashing forward, slashing again at the masked woman.
 
I hit her in the face and her mask broke and fell off…it was HER! The wan from the photo! “I’m a professional.” She stated emotionlessly.
 
I jumped back and stared at her, glaring at her angrily. “You were the one who killed my parents…” I growl.
 
“Yes.” She said plainly.
 
“Why?” I ask, my clothes shifting and getting a yellow tint to it as I swapped out Frozen Pride with Skysplitter and held both my ax and keyblade at the ready.
 
“One by one. Life must die. One by one. Be that in people… or planets.”
 
“Just another sick bitch.” I growl, my ax’s magic starting to surround me. “Well, looks like I can still kick your ass!” I shout, vanishing and swinging Skysplitter at the killer.
 
I hit, she flipped mid air as she was thrown from the hit and her mark glowed as she used her black keyblade and she made a tear…in the air. My brain and eyes felt terrible as it felt like they were rejecting seeing the tear she made. A black knight walked out of it, a blood stained greatsword in one hand and a battle scarred shield in the other. “Kill him.” She said as the knight began attacking.
 
“Shit!” I shout, the aura surrounding me got even bigger as I defended myself with Skysplitter and Reunion. “The fuck is this thing!?!”
 
“A lost soul of the void.” Clare said, taking a seat to watch me fight. “Once a proud warrior now twisted by the hollowness of deep void. Something less than a shell or shadow of who it once was.”
 
”God I hope I can get some help…” I think to myself. ”Never thought I’d fight a void creature again…” I think to myself, hoping to at least do damage to this thing. “So you can just summon these fuckers at will?” I growl, starting to hear a solitary whisper in the back of my head, not entirely sure what it was saying while I kept trying to fight against the lost soul.
 
“Yes. It's pure beastial rage and power now. So long as I can give orders and open portals I can summon them. What comes out of the tear though is random though.”
 
“Well shit…” I growled, before stomping down and cracking the ground beneath me, deflecting it’s sword strike and ramming Skysplitter into it’s side with enough force to most likely destroy a mountain.
 
It skidded across the ground, hitting the wall across the room. It then twitched as it walked out of the hole in the wall it made. “Get back in the hole!” I shout, appearing near the soul and using Skysplitter as a baseball bat and ramming it into the knight, straight back into the hole it made and even dug it deeper into said hole.
 
When the dust cleared it was still standing in a battle ready stance. 
 
“Oh come on! How do you kill this fucker?” I ask, jumping away from it and readying myself for it’s next attack.
 
It dragged it's sword in the ground, making a circle around it. It then made an aura around itself, it's armor and body growing about five feet and it's helmet falling off…it's head looked like Cthulhu and a dog had a baby…”What sick fuckery is this!?” I shout, finding that face extremely horrifying.
 
It charged at me, swinging it's sword that I blocked with Skysplitter. We crossed swords and butted shields as it stared me in the eyes… it’s eyes look like they have eyes!!! I quickly close my eyes and with the thoughts on how to fight this abomination was buzzing around I continued to fight, except with my closed eyes I saw a white...being for some reason. I just shrugged it off as I kept trying to fight the thing, my precision not being lost even with my eyes closed.
 
“Hey ugly mutt!” I looked back as much as I could, seeing Joy with Sharpshooters charging a strong attack with them. “Bite this!” He fired as a massive bolt was shot, hitting the abomination between the eyes as it roared in pain and backed away staggering.
 
I lept up in the air. “Megaton Press!” I shout, ramming my hammer down on the monsters skull and my aura flared out, causing the entire ground to crack, shift, and even raise the ground up as if gravity wasn’t there.
 
When it all faded the beast slumped over as it's body began to rapidly decay till nothing but a still scary skeleton remained within the armor. I looked up, seeing Clare clap. “Bravo.” She said. “Not many have killed them before.”
 
“I put Delto in a Card after he lost.” Joy says to me.

“Thanks Joy. Now it’s on to you.” I say, pointing Skysplitter at Clare.
 
“What about me?” She asked so…uncaringly.
 
“Your turn to die.” I growl, knowing full well this bitch lost her humanity a long time ago.
 
“You can try.” She said, standing up and leaving herself wide open. “Give it your best shot.”
 
I took a deep breath, the aura around me starting to coat the ax as well as nothingness thorns. “Gigaton!” I shout, bolting towards her and cracking or breaking the ground as I ran. “Hammer!” I shout, swinging my ax like a War Hammer and swinging it at the open Clare, what felt like an insurmountable amount of force being swung straight towards the cocky murderer.
 
It made contact. There was a blast and I was sent flying back, hitting the wall across the room as some blood came up from the impact. I saw the dust clear and Clare was unmoved… not even phased. I saw something on the floor next to her though…something that made my stomach turn…Skysplitter’s mangled, broken blade. I looked at my hand and only it's grip was there...“I expected at least a bruise.” Clare said, tossing the broken blade at me.
 
“H-h-how…?” I ask, coughing up blood and forcing myself out of the hole I made. “How the fuck?”
 
“Core’s been tinkering with void. I’m the first test subject he tested every experiment with. Void is my skin now. No force can harm me.” She walked over to the unconscious Rune in the other corner and somehow ripped the necklace off her. Clare broke the necklace as something fell out of it…a keychain? “Target aquired. I’ll see you later pup.” She said as she teleported away, her surviving followers doing the same.
 
“Damn…” I groan, coughing up more blood as I just shuffled over and grabbed Skysplitters blade. “Fucking hell...well everything went wrong...and I’m still a fuck wit...hooray.” I fake cheer, still glad to see Rune alive.
 
“You okay?” Joy asks, rushing over to my battered side as he was just covered in dust and some rocks.

“I’m coughing up blood, my body feels like shit, and Skysplitters broken...what do you think jackass?” I growl at Joy.
 
“Maybe Cript could fix it…” Joy says, still seeing the destroyed weapon.

“He could have also warned me that the whore was that stupid strong.” I said, spitting blood on the ground before moving over and gently shaking Rune awake. “Wakey wakey sleepy head, you're not dead.”
 
“Huh?” She groaned. “Ugh…feels like last year's new year’s party…” She groaned as she rubbed her head.
 
“Don’t know, don’t fucking care.” I state. “How did a keychain get into your now destroyed necklace?”
 
“Calm down, your still hurt.” Joy says to me worriedly.

“Don’t give a shit. Come on Rune, someone must have told you how special your necklace was besides ‘it makes me queen’.” I frown.
 
“Uh…” She pondered. “Nope. Just some stuff about it being made after the alicornien era.”
 
“Oh for fuck sakes.” I growl, helping Rune up. “Your alive, your necklace is fucked, your still queen, and I'm going to get Equestria to help you out in your water problems.” I explain, before doubling over and holding my ribs in pain. “Ho fuck...that hurts.” I groan, coughing up blood again.
 
“Oh for fuck sakes…” Joy frowns before bringing out a health potion and making me down it, making me feel a whole lot better. “I'm sorry your majesty...is there anything we can do to repay your destroyed castle?”
 
“Maybe… I wanna meet Celestia.” Was her response.
 
“In what way?” I ask, wondering if it was just for political or steamy ways. 
 
“Proper treaty and to see if her and her sexy shapeshifting lover are as loose with boobs as rumors say~”
 
“I'm pretty sure if I was a woman they'd force me into a threeway.” I sigh out. “But I'll see if she's available, and if she's busy then tits will make sure she's not.”
 
“Yay. Well in any case mind doing me one more favor?”
 
“And that would be?” I ask.
 
“Mind finding the missing pipes for the water?”
 
“I have literally no idea where to start.” I frown. “Our little investigation involves a teleportation spell...so we have no clue.”
 
“Sorry…” Joy says sheepishly.
 
“Let me out now!” The yelling of Delto from one of Joy’s cards caught our attention.
 
Joy brought out the card in question. “Do you know where the pipes are?” I frown.
 
“Duh.” He said. “I’ll show you the hideout.”
 
“And what's to say you won't just bolt after your free?”
 
“Uh, cause if I didn't die here then boss will kill me later. The second the young one put me in this card, I was branded a traitor in her mind.”
 
“What a bitch.” I frown. “But hey, we can help each other out, I can give you a new and better life, I can make sure your daughter doesn't murder you, and you can help me figure out what powers you have and help us figure out what's with your boss...and help find the pipes.” I say while Joy waved the card and let Delto out.
 
“We don't kill those that can get a second chance.” Joy says. “And Gilda will be happy to see you.”
 
“She won't remember me.” Delto said. “She was too young to. And her mother likely did not speak of me after I left.”
 
“Right then. Well you can solve that problem.” I say. “Anyways, lead the way to the pipes while I think if a punishment for following a crazy woman who's beyond fucked with.” I say, still carrying Skysplitter and scared that if I disbanded it it would just disappear forever. We followed Delto around the city until finally stopping at… the water plant? “Back here? Really?”
 
“No one ever noticed that the tanks rose in height on the security footage. We just had them teleported to the bottom of the massive tanks.”
 
“Christ…” I sigh out. “Well let's get to work I suppose.”
 



 
It took two hours and a crane to get the pipes out but they were fished out and repaired, and started pumping out water immediately. “There we go.” I sigh out. “Back to normal. Now, I wonder what Cripts going to think about my failed fight…” I mutter to myself.
 
“What failed fight?” I jumped as Cript’s voice spoke from behind me.
 
“I fought my parents killer...and apparently she's been subjected to every void related test Core could think of.” I say while showing my broken weapon. “Hit her as hard as I could...only destroyed Skysplitter and hurt myself a lot. Killed a void Knight though.”
 
“And that was the mission. Keep the queen alive, kill the void knight. Did you not look at your assistant for mission details?”
 
“I think my mission should have read 'keep queen alive and unknown keychain away from enemy, kill Knight’. Seriously I don't know why Rune’s necklace had a keychain in it.” I frown worriedly.
 
“That's for you to learn. Besides, she’s a… boss. For a later fight. So… about Skysplitter.”
 
“I don't know how to fix it...and I'm scared about fixing it because I'll probably screw it up, I don't know this things origins, I mean my scythe came from demon tree for god's sake.” I explain.
 
“Hand it over.” Cript said, holding out his hands.
 
I hand both parts of my weapon over to him, both the undamaged grip and the mangled and broken blade. “Please help.”
 
“On it already.” Cript had both blade and handle float in the air before they flashed a bright light. When the light faded Skysplitter was whole and fixed. I grabbed it, then the weight made me nearly fall over.
 
“Fuck!” I yelp, using my other hand and lifting it up. “That's weird...it wasn't this heavy before...but I always used master form with it though…” I say sheepishly.
 
“Not that. Your weapon was mental thought made reality. Technically it was just an image made real. Me fixing it made it real. The same can be said with your other weapons. Save for reunion. That's been real.”
 
“Wait, Sharpshooters and Graceful Dahlia are both real...how is something real a magical image?” I ask curiously, finding that sort of confusing.
 
“It's how you first existed when you came into this reality, you were an image, a thought existing in a dimension made in his head. For him to give you a ‘physical’ body he had to pump a LOT of magic for you to feel real. Overtime your magic body would absorb materials from food, air, etc, and become real. But as my adopted child that was sped up, think about it. First time here you were shot a bunch and are still able to use the arm that was shot to swiss cheese.”
 
“He only shot my arms twice.” I say. “Not a thousand.” I frown. “But can I still 'unsummon’ Skysplitter now?” I ask, understanding what Cript was saying.
 
“Yeah. But your weapons will weigh a bit more now. Also…have you considered getting your weapons upgraded?”
 
“I didn't know I could.” I say. “I thought I was just going by normal Kingdom Hearts rules, not 358 days logic.” I say, remembering how you could get the 'ultimate’ version of the weapons.
 
“More like… well, can't describe it exactly. But You can buy already prepared upgrades for weapons, but the best you have to make yourself.”
 
“Didn't know that…” I say with a frown. “I'm gonna have to spend a day just looking through this fucking thing.” I frown, staring at my Assistant. “It can't just be an emergency health potion all the time.”
 
“Heh. Yeah. So anyway. You should head home I guess.”
 
“We should.” I nod.
 
“I just...want to cuddle with Jenny…” Joy sighs out.
 
“And Delto is going to be our family's Butler for as long as he lives so he can have some sort of punishment.” I frown. “But yeah...let's go home…” I say before me, Joy, and the forced along Delto flew off home.
 



 
After fifteen minutes of flying me, Joy, and Delto landed in front of my castle. “This be my house.” I say to the black and red Griffin.
 
“Impressive.” The griff said. “So… do I get a uniform?”
 
“Yes you do, but you'll have to wait.” I say before walking up and opening the front door. “I'm home!” I call out, hoping my fiance's can hear me. “Joys back and I brought a visitor!”
 
There was a blur that rushed at Joy. When I looked it was the CMC in…the cutiest footie pajamas ever, cuddling against Joy. “Welcome back!” The trio said.
 
“Guess what Joy!” Sweetie said.
 
“Me first!” Scoot’s cut in.
 
“Take a breath you silly fillies.” Joy laughs happily. “What's going on? You all seem happy in your adorable pajamas.”
 
“Well.” Sweetie started. “My parents are on business again and won't be back for two years and since Rarity watches over me when they have businesses I’m going to be living here for two whole years!”
 
“And my parents said if I wanted I could sleepover at Rarity’s new place whenever and for as long as I wanted so long as I call so I’m here 8/10 times!” Scootaloo explained happily.
 
“And I got to be here every day for two months cause summer vacation started today!” Applebloom said happily. “Though AJ said I can only sleep over four nights a week.” Apple Bloom said with less joy at not being able to stay over the longest.
 
“That's great to hear.” Joy cheers, cuddling up to the three.
 
“Well you're going to have to help on the farm for those three days…” I shrug. “But where's everyone else? And how's Jenny?” I ask, hoping she's been happy.
 
“She's been marathoning this anime called…what was it…?” Scoot’s pondered. “Darn. Oh! Gurren Lagann!”
 
“She's my daughter alright.” I laugh. “Soon she will learn how to get the powers to pierce the heavens.” I smile warmly.
 
“Nice hood Joy.” Scoot’s said, noticing Joy’s new cloak. “Uh…. White Squire?”
 
“Sadly yes, I have to go with this because I'm Ben's 'sidekick’, because he's the 'White Knight’ and all.” Joy explains.
 
“Ah. Alright then. So let's go let Jenny know Joy is back.” Sweetie said as she and the other three carried Joy with them.
 
“Maybe they'll be as happy to see me…” I mutter, walking off through the house and hoping to find my fiance's. “Hello?” I call out, feeling alone in these massive halls.
 
“Surprise!” I heard Pinkie say as she jumped me from behind. “Welcome back hunk.” 
 
“Hey Pinkie.” I smile. “Glad to get a hug. Anything new?”
 
“Just some news for you. Girls can tell when we get to the bedroom.” Pinkie said, leading the way to the bedroom.
 
“Listen I think the only one would possibly be pregnant right now is you because you were in heat and we...kind of forgot protection if memory serves.” I say honestly. 
 
“Not just that.” Pinkie said, still walking.
 
“Oh wait...all of them?” I ask, my eyes widening.
 
“Yup. That's surprise number one.”
 
“Alright…” I nod before walking over to our bedroom door and opening it. “Surprise number two is…”
 
We arrived at the bedroom. All the girls were sitting around a crib… Braig’s crib to be exact. Pinkie walked over and picked him up. “Hi sweetheart.” She said.
 
“Mama.” Braig said.
 
“His first word?” I ask with a smile, walking over to baby Braig. “Hello.” I say gently to the baby, hoping I didn't look threatening or upset him.
 
“...pa!” He cheered, grabbing my nose.
 
I chuckled softly, gently tickling the child. “Pa’s here.” I smile gently. “How many more surprises?”
 
“Well did Pinkie tell you?” Luna asked, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
 
“I figured it out.” I say with a smile. “So Braig said his first few words and I knocked up all my girls...wonder if I'll swiftly knock up the two other girls I'll probably somehow end up marrying.” I chuckle a little.
 
“Not just that.” I turned at the doorway, seeing the family doc here. “You know about god/demigod reproduction? At least in this family. Right?” She asked, looking at a clip board.
 
“Congrats girls...have fun giving birth to a few...million kids maybe.” I say nervously. “I mean, if that's what I think is going to happen.”
 
“Sorta.” The doc said. “For starters… three...two...one.” At the moment all the girls, save for Coco and Brigid, grew nine month pregnant sized bellies. “For one they can choose when to give birth, and how many, sex is still safe but it just adds to the kids in their already. They will come out as colorful pebbles at first before turning into the babies they are, and for the record as of now your wives wombs are stronger than a dark monofilament bunker.”
 
“Damn.” I say in surprise. “That's...surprising.”
 
“Your father and first mother Lyra wanted children protected more than anything. Fact is from babies to teenagers the child gets weaker as they grow, kinda lets them develop their own strength and defence too. Family curse wise baby Braig there could survive a second Big Bang… your wives like… fifty. So long as they're pregnant. That's the curse rules.”
 
“How come I can't be that tanky?” I frown.
 
“You’re eighteen, male, need more?”
 
“I got my ass kicked today saving the queen of the Diamond Dogs...it sucked.” I sigh out. “Now…” I say while making sure Coco had a wedding ring. “Who's going to be my last wife?” I wonder. “And how the hell am I supposed to be a good father without having a nervous breakdown?” I ask, already knowing I'm depressed and have slight self esteem issues it's gonna be a bitch and a half.
 
“Not sure. Also…let's take a trip to Canterlot. I wanna show off this belly to sister.” Luna chuckled.
 
“Rune also wants to meet Celestia. That horny as hell mare made that kingdom what it is today...and I should know I went there for most of the day being a detective.” I frown.
 
“Well…we can pack tomorrow and if sex is still safe…let's see how Ben handles our added weight!” Pinkie declared as they ganged up on me. Bridgid, Coco and Doc quickly giving us privacy.
 
“Just what I needed after a rough day.” I chuckle.
 


To be continued...