"Fly me to the moon,
And let me play among the stars.
Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.
In other words, hold my hand!
In other words, darling, kiss me.
"Fill my heart with song,
and let me sing forever more.
You are all I long for, all I worship and adore.
In other words, please be true!
In other words, I love you!"
As I crooned to the audience in the darkened nightclub, I ran my mind over the sequence of events that had led to me doing Manhattan cabaret...
"You are quite insane, you know that?" Blueblood said to me.
"Quite likely," I agreed. "But that has nothing to do with this."
"You can't seriously expect this to work."
"That's just the point. Right now, I honestly don't know what will happen - and whatever does happen, will be useful evidence one way or the other."
"This whole notion of 'narrative causality' is nonsense!"
"Then you have nothing to lose by standing right there, do you?"
He glared at me. "It is... uncouth to even be associated with such proceedings."
"Then the sooner I'm done, the less opportunity there will be for anyone to see you, won't there?"
"Fine. Let's get this over with."
I nodded, and looked around to make sure preparations were complete. We were halfway to Manehattan, and I'd had the Alicorn drop us off in the middle of a field, with nobody else anywhere nearby, and then back off a safe distance. Satisfied that nobody was nearby by myself and Blueblood, I coughed, cleared my throat, glanced up at the calm, clear blue sky, and stated clearly, "It's probably nothing."
Nothing happened, so I continued my litany. "What are the chances of that happening?" A light breeze ruffled the grasses. I announced, "Nothing can stop us now!" Blueblood stared at me from underneath his ruffling mane. I cried out "It's unsinkable!", staring at the rapidly-forming 'mare's tail' clouds. "Mwa-ha-hahaha," I added.
The Prince was starting to look worried, so I threw in, "At least it isn't raining." The clouds had thickened to a nimbostratus, and after a couple of seconds, I was rewarded with the first drops of a shower. Cheerily, I pointed out that "Things couldn't possibly get any worse." Distant lightning flashed.
I pointed my hoof at Blueblood, and said, "He only has two days left until retirement." Thunder boomed from right above us.
I wiggled in place, took a deep breath, and incanted the final and most potent line: "What could possibly go wr-"
Blueblood dived forward, clamping my muzzle shut, shouting, "Don't!" He looked right up. "She didn't finish it, it doesn't count, right? Right?"
The clouds grudgingly started fading away, so I said, "Mm mf mph mm-mph me?"
"What?" He let go of my mouth.
"Now do you believe me?" I asked politely.
"Of course not," he stated firmly.
"Then let me go through to the finish."
"No!" He looked upwards with a slight cringe.
"Why not?"
"I... just don't. Please?"
"Tell me why I shouldn't, and I won't."
"I- I... I'll admit that you seem to know some sort of strange magic."
"Mm... it's a start, I suppose."
"I'm not going to agree with any of the rest of that nonsense you blathered."
"At this point, I wouldn't expect you to. But you do agree that I know something you don't about how the world works?"
He mumbled, I coughed, he finally gave a minuscule nod, which I presumed was the most I'd be able to get out of him at this stage. So he called the Alicorn back, and we re-boarded to head back on our way... though I did seriously consider just walking the rest of the way. Ginger tea helped, some. Not enough.
Blueblood tried to hide himself away in his cabin, but I followed him right in. If I was lucky, not being able to see the horizon would help with my motion sickness. If I was unlucky, then hopefully he kept airsickness bags handy. If he didn't, he just might realize why they were a good idea, even if he himself didn't experience any such symptoms.
He glared at me, but I calmly informed him, "If I am to determine what method has the best chance of helping you, I need to know certain things about you, your behavior, your goals, and suchlike." He nodded cautiously, so I continued, "So - let's say that I told you you could solve everything you needed solving, if you painted your body a bright blue and your mane a bright green - and kept them that way for the rest of your life, without ever once explaining why you did so to anypony else. How would you respond?"
He gave me a look. "I'd say you were being completely and utterly foolish."
"Ah - so you think that avoiding association with a seeming fool is more important than ensuring the continuation of your bloodline?"
"What?"
"I'm trying to gain a better understanding of what your priorities are."
He ground his teeth. "There is no way that defiling my coat with such garish shades would in any way contribute to my bloodline."
"Have we or have we not established to your satisfaction that there are things I know how to do that you do not? Because if not, I have a few other ideas on how we can test narrative causality-"
"No!. No. That will not be necessary."
"Good. The point is not just that I know things - but that there are things that you do not know. And that I can use that knowledge make plans for how to cause things to come to pass, in ways that you would not expect."
"I don't..." He frowned.
"If you prefer, think of it this way - it's possible for you to become an even greater and grander Prince than you are now. But in order to do that - you have to admit that, right now, you are not all that you can eventually be."
"I will make no such statement in public."
"At this stage, I wouldn't expect you to."
"Then - very well; it is at least remotely feasible that the future Prince Blueblood will be an... improvement from the current one."
I smiled. "That wasn't so hard, now was it? Now if you'll excuse me for a few moments, I think I'm about to borrow your wastebasket..."
By the time Manehattan was in sight, I was pretty sure all four of my stomachs were completely empty, so I watched our approach from the Alicorn's bow. The architecture mostly reminded me of being from around 1900, or earlier - but then over to the side was an ersatz Statue of Liberty. Red fluttered over, landed, and leaned on the rail beside me. "Never seen the Statue of Harmony before?"
"Can't say that I have," I agreed.
"Kinda gaudy, but it really helps bring in the tourists."
"Are you from here?"
"Nah, but I spent some time apprenticing with the local weather teams."
"Kinda envy you your wings."
"I'm kinda glad you don't have any - otherwise I'd still be out of a job, wouldn't I?"
"That's one way to look at it."
"So - once we get there, what're you actually planning on doing, other than teach His Royal Pain how to keep everyone from wanting to throttle him?"
"Hit a few libraries, grab a few things that are easiest to get in a big city, and start investigating certain reports and rumours, recent and ancient."
"Okay, I'll bite: 'ancient'?"
I closed my eyes, frowned, then mentally shrugged. "The more I know about how the world works, the more ability I'll have to do stuff. A few years ago, I put together a chain of logic suggesting New York-"
"Neigh York."
"-right, Neigh York, would be the secret location of a rumored form of magic. At the time, I didn't believe those rumors were true. Now, though... I have a lot less reason to disbelieve them."
"What sort of rumors?"
"Many names for the same thing. The isle of the Hesperides, where a tree of magical apples was said to grow. Avalon, meaning 'apple-isle'. Idun's golden apples. Stories from disparate locations, all of which contained inferences that happened to be pointing in the same general direction. And here, before us, we have... The Big Apple."
"You're joking."
"Not at all. It's not my highest priority, but I do plan on keeping an eye out for any interesting or unusual fruit trees while we're here."
"So if that's just a sideshow, what's the main attraction?"
"I'm trying to trace back through the path the leader of the Griffin Pirates took - see if I can find where he came from, if there's something unusual about that spot. And learn whatever I can about him on the way, since we might not be able to find that place."
"So... basically, just looking around and getting stuff and asking questions? Nothing exciting?"
"That's the plan."
I was galloping down the alley as fast as my hooves could carry me, the baying mob of maddened ponies close on my heels.
All I'd done was start humming a song, kind of curious if events would line up into a musical number, the way they'd had a tendency to in Ponyville. But, I now supposed as I skidded around a corner, if I was experimenting with applying tropes, then I probably shouldn't have tempted fate beforehand.
And I probably should have picked a song I actually knew all the lyrics to... instead of one where I was going to clumsily taper off in the middle, turning the (magical?) choreography into a shambles and upsetting several food-vendor carts.
Seemed like even in the big city, ponies took their spontaneous musicalism quite seriously.
I took a left - and found myself in a dead-end alley. A single closed door was the only potential escape, and was, astonishingly unlocked; so I hurried through and slammed it closed, locked it, and leaned against it breathing heavily...
... whereupon the house-lights dimmed, and a spotlight snapped on, focused on me.
To my right, a piano, with player; to my left, assorted light-jazz instrumentalists. Who were all staring at me curiously.
Just as the audience started muttering, I remembered a song I really did remember all the lyrics of, and on my first note, the band joined in.
I was going to have to be a lot more careful in the future, if I ever tried fiddling with, let alone relying on, the fact that some of the rules this world seemed to be run on more closely adhered to the patterns of fiction than of physics... or else I just might turn into an object lesson for some future protagonist that they should prefer using brawns to brains.
After my first number, I couldn't quite find a way off the stage, and so was obliged to continue with What A Wonderful World and Straighten Up and Fly Right, before I could finally plead the necessity of wetting my throat. Somepony else came up to sing, and I clambered down, and could finally actually see where I was - some sort of restaurant-type nightclub. I'd been following up on certain clues and hints about Griffin that had been passed along to The Dairy, but other than a pony in the gem market who hadn't wanted to say anything without a much bigger bribe than I had available to spend, all the leads had been complete dead-ends, instead of partial ones.
The barfilly asked, "What'll you have?"
"Water, please - or juice." She frowned at me, so I explained, "Anything I drink comes out in the milk," pointing a hoof at my udder. That seemed to bore her, so she just nodded, and I took a seat at an empty table, wondering if the angry mob had given up looking for me yet. When the barfilly came back with what smelled like apple juice, she was accompanied by an earth-pony stallion who sat mostly facing me. "You've got some nice pipes," he said, after setting his own glass on the table. "Not great, could use some training - but nice."
"Thanks - I think."
"I have a few ins with some local music producers-"
I held up a hoof to interrupt. "Sorry - I already have full-time employment."
"Perhaps you mistake my meaning." A couple of Big-Mac-sized ponies, dressed in black, loomed up behind him. "This is a private club - and three quick numbers, done by someone with just nice pipes, aren't enough to keep me from having you arrested for trespassing. Or having you thrown right back out into whatever you were running from."
"I see. In that case, what would you consider fair compensation for my... intrusion?"
"Perhaps we should go to my back office to... discuss it?"
I glared firmly at him. "Not with you, not for money, and very definitely not now."
"Whoah, whoah, I didn't mean anything like that," he tried to reassure me. I remained unreassured. "Though if you were willing, I wouldn't say no to-" I glared harder. "Fine, fine, ya lousy-"
I interrupted his grumbled insults by standing. "I believe I should take my leave. Good evening, sir." I glanced over at the pair of bully-boys. "And as I am leaving, peacefully, there is no reason for either of you to touch me, and I will take it amiss if you do."
They looked at each other, then their boss. "Just get her out of here," he growled.
A few moments of being cautiously not touched later, I was out the front door, whereupon Red soared down to join me. "I've been looking all over for you. What were you doing in there?"
"Nothing I should have been. Here," I held out the juice glass I was still holding. "I believe that we should have this tested for drugs, love potions, sleeping magic, or anything of the sort - and to find a non-corrupt constabulary who will be willing to shut the place down and make arrests, should anything be found."
As she took the possibly-adulterated beverage, Red was giving me a strange look, of the sort I was becoming accustomed to. "On the plus side," I said to her as I started trotting down the street, "it turns out I really am a better singer than I thought I was."
Behind me, I heard a shout of, "There she is!" I sighed, and pushed off into another gallop...