//------------------------------// // Big City Blow Away and, Oh, What the Hay; have a Three Course Buffe // Story: It's A Screwed Up Life // by Autum Breeze //------------------------------// Big City Blow Away and, Oh, What the Hay; have a Three Course Buffe   ___________________________________________________________     “Go, Go, Power Rangers!” I start, dropping out of bed, falling flat on my face on the floor. Pulling myself up, I turn one of my hooves into a hand, clench it, put my thumb in my mouth and blow, inflating myself back to normal. Returning my hand back into a hoof, I look up, glaring at my alarm clock, which is bouncing around on the ceiling repeating the original theme song for the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. Why would it...? I blink, I clicking in my mind before a grin forms on my face. Ooh, today gun be good. I head downstairs to find Spoiled is gone. Good. Day’s starting out great already and I’m not even at the castle yet. I’ve honestly been struggling not to do some truly cruel things to Spoiled after a few days ago. It was the events of Flight to the Finish and, as you can imagine, Spoiled was none too happy after finding out Diamond not only lost the Flag Carrying Competition, but that she lost it to the CMC. Diamond was in tears by the end of Spoiled’s belittling. I spent the whole night comforting Diamond, taking her back to the Equestria Girls world so that Diamond and I could comfort her together. She really needed it, though I can tell she’s still not at the point where she’ll ignore Spoiled’s ideals and will continue to follow in her hoof steps until the CMC help her to finally see the right path in life.   I decide to have a bowl of Crunchy Corn cereal for breakfast, which tastes a lot better than it sounds, I can assure you, before heading out at a normal pace to the castle in the Everfree, just floating along lazily. Today Spike pulls the Mane 6 into his Power Ponies comic and I plan on getting a good look at the Power Ponies’ world while they’re off dealing with the Mane-Iac. I’m curious about their other villains. I mean, Mane-Iac’s kind of a blend of Poison Ivy and the Joker, so I wonder what the other villains are like. As I enter the castle proper, I hear the girls calling out for Spike, my grin spreading as I know the moment is soon to come. I continue to float around lazily until I feel the tell tale signature of the enchanted comic Spike has of the Power Ponies, followed shortly after by the cries of the seven. With my grin not fading a bit, I pop into the room the comic is in and smirk down at it. Time for some real fun. Focusing, I lock onto the dimension of the comic’s world itself and teleport in. I take a few moments to look around at Maretropolis, admiring the huge skyscrapers and other buildings. Now to check on what exactly happened to the Power Ponies when Spike activated that comic. A big window opens up before me and I can’t help cocking my eyebrow at what I’m seeing. The real Power Ponies are floating in some kind of pocket dimension in suspended animation. Guess they’re return here once the Mane 6 and Spike are done beating the Mane-Iac. Interestingly, it turns out Humdrum, the Power Ponies’ sidekick, whom Spike becomes, is actually an Earth Pony and, despite Twilight still having her wings when taking her place, Masked Matterhorn is just a unicorn, not a Pegasus with an artificial horn like I’d original theorized back when I was human. I shrug, the window closing as I turn to look out over the city. Well, while the Mane 6 and Spike handle the Joker/Poisons Ivy like villain, maybe I’ll see about the other bad guys around here. Might be fun.     ___________________________________________________________       The doors to the Maretopolis Museum exploded open as a golden chariot that kind of looked like a go-kart rolled out. Sitting in the driver’s seat was what many would assume a mummy pony, as it was covered in cloth bandages, with only it’s large, completely blue eyes visible to show anything underneath, with three more in the back with several large brown bags. Sitting right behind the driver mummy was an Earth Pony stallion with a tan-coloured coat, wearing golden vestments like those of the ancient pharaohs that ruled the deserts, his blackish-brown tail being tied back by one such piece of clothing. On his flank was an ankh Cutie Mark. “Ha, ha, ha!” he called out in triumph as the kart landed on the ground and began to head away from the museum. “A good night’s haul!” he gave an intrigued smirk. “I wonder why I have yet to see the Power Ponies tonight.” “They’re a little too occupied at the moment. But that’s why I’m here to deal with you, Phony Pharaoh.” At once the kart came to a halt, causing the four passengers to go flying, smashing into a nearby wall. The Earth Pony shook his head before looking around, glaring. “Who dares? I am Pharaoh Fetlock.” “Call yourself whatever you want, I’m still gonna call you a phony, Phony.” He turned his head in the sound of the voice and had to tilt his head at what he saw. It looked like a filly, though it was both her posture and outfit that caused the self-proclaimed pharaoh pause. She was wearing orange spandex that covered her entire body, even her face and eyes, the latter of which were covered by pure purple cloth. However, that was not the oddest thing about this filly. She was standing on her back legs, yet seemed totally at ease with it, when ponies were not meant to stand like that. The filly was leaning against a wall near where the kart had been halted suddenly and, looking, Pharaoh could now see why. Somehow, the tires had melted as if like gum and stuck to the road. “I... but... wha?” was his only response, his mummy minions also looking thoroughly confused. “Yeah, but of a different look, I know,” the filly said casually, as if they were just having a normal conversation. She pushed herself off the wall and starting walking over to the car, using only her back legs, it looking completely normal for her. “Since this is a literally comic book world, I thought, maybe try another Rider design. Keep Chaos solely for EQG, ya know. But, then I decided, ya know what? It’s a comic book. Why not go all out with a great design.” She stopped in front of the kart, before hopping onto the front and doing several suggestive poses. “Whatcha think? Pretty sleek huh? I’m all for the Kamen Rider look, but this feels more fitting for a comic, right?” Pharaoh shielded his eyes. “What is wrong with you, foal? Have your parents never taught you decency?” “Hmm. Guess that depends.” He jumped, toppling back and looking behind him to find the filly had somehow ended up behind where he’d just been standing, shrugging. “I guess you could say my father tries to teach me that. Mom though. Pfft. Yeah right. And DD? Eh, that’s a fifty/fifty there, really.” “I... how did you...? When did you...?” he stammered, his eyes widening as he spoke as he saw all his minions tied up with their own bandages, with the filly sitting atop one of them, one back leg folded over the other as she twirled a large sewing needle that he defiantly knew wasn’t there before. The filly just giggled. “Well, you’re certainly more fun to mess around with than that Long Face.” Somehow her expression showed through her mask, showing a bored expression, tossing the needle into the air where it turned into a mouse, landed on the ground and scurried off. “I mean, yeesh. Sad this, sad that. Droopy blah blah blah. Bor-ing! Was fun seeing him crack when I wouldn’t take him seriously though. But sadness gas? I thought Mane-Iac was meant to be the Joker-inspired villain in this place? Emotional manipulation gas is his thing. More fun too, really, even if his would eventually kill you in time.” Pharaoh just stared, not sure what to make of this filly. She was acting as if nothing odd was going on. As if she hadn’t somehow dealt away with all his minions in seconds, or that she was facing him down. She was acting like a foal playing a game and giving commentary as they played. The filly blinked, before looking up and he could somehow tell she was smiling underneath her mask. “Whelp, guess that’s my cue.” She looked back to him and gave a salute. “Was fun while it lasted. But, you can expect the Power Ponies here any second now that Twi and the gang wrapped things up on their end. Later, Phony Pharaoh.” With that, there was a flash of light and she was just gone. The Earth Pony blinked several times, glancing around quickly to see if she was hiding somewhere. When he was certain she was not, he went over to his minions and untied them all. “Get to work fixing the wheels!” he ordered, pointing to their mode of transportation. “While I have no clue just what happened there, but now that that strange pony is gone, we must get back to my tomb, before—” “You’re on the road to ruin, Phony Pharaoh!” a voice called out from above. He growled. He’d already been called that way too many times for his likely tonight. “Who dares—?”       ___________________________________________________________       I watch sadly from my window as Diamond, Silver and the CMC hang around in the pool. The last couple days have gone by with season 4 moving along at an even, if honestly rather dull pace. After Twilight and the other returned from with Spike’s Power Ponies comic, I teleported it to my room, locking it away in a safe of my own design for safe keeping. Since Spring was before the events of the season 4 premiere, the events of Simple Ways was a while ago. It’s weird, knowing it won’t be happening after recent events. For some reason, none of the Mane 6 bothered to think of me when it came to the incident with the Vampire Fruit bats and the whole Flutterbat debacle that came right after. While I’m still yet unable to give Spoiled all she deserves, I was able to teach one heartless mare a little lesson, after she took Rarity’s personally designed fabric and acted like it was her own. Not only did I make it easy for her to be disqualified from the fashion show judging altogether after Rarity was deemed the winner, whilst Suri’s stolen fashion would’ve gotten second place (meaning Rarity technically won first and second), but I also got Coco Pommel to come out and expose that Suri didn’t even do her own designs, but slave-laboured Coco to do all the outfits made with the stolen fabric just to get them done within twenty-four hours, so it’d be ready for the fashion show. Needless to say, her fashion carrier is over and she’s doing community service until she’s paid off her debt to society. I did get a good laugh when Spoiled blew her top after hearing me explaining that to Diamond, though. Turns out Spoiled gets all her best outfits from Suri’s business and just sees it as me trying to ruin her life more. Frankly, that was just an unintended bonus. Pinkie is now recognized as a member of the Apples due to the Pies and Apples being distantly related thanks to Apple Sauce sharing Pie blood. Rainbow having to learn her Harmony Lesson was kinda fun, I guess. I don’t see why so many Bronies complained about the design of Rainbow Falls. It’s a nice place. I left Discord to his thing with Twilight and Cadance, as I had to go and heal Rarity and AJ after he spread his fake Blue Flu to then. Do still think he was a bit of a dick there, for doing that. Also, like with how nopony thought to ask me about helping in the Flutterbat thing, they again didn’t bother when it came to Mac’s voice during the events of Filly Vanilli. I guess I’m glad it all played out in the end, since it does help Fluttershy come out of her shell more, but it really is starting to bug me that the Mane 6 keep forgetting that, while they can’t rely on Discord to always help without causing more trouble, I’m more than willing to lend a hoof when needed. Anyway, with the events of Twilight Time having been playing out recently, I know I’m at least getting close to certain events where I’ll be able to take out me bits of anger for certain characters. A particular pair of lanky unicorns come to mind, specifically. Not wanting to watch the events play out, I decide I’ll hang around in the EQG world. perhaps watch over the girls as they go through what they did in the shorts for Rainbow Rocks.   ___________________________________________________________     “So, if I understand this right, you had a chance to get in Princess Twilight Sparkle’s good graces, and you blew it just to make yourself look better than three failures?!” Spoiled demands of Diamond. We’re sitting at the dining table. The chef made a lovely Prench meal, even giving me a particular meat dish I’d asked for, since I’ve made it so I can enjoy meat despite being a pony. As you can guess, Diamond went through with everything, making the CMC look bad in front of Twilight and the rest of the foals in town, but also making Twilight displeased with herself and Silver as well and with Daddy out of town for the night, Spoiled isn’t holding back. “I... I’m... sorry, I—” Diamond tries anxiously. “Sorry isn’t good enough, Diamond Tiara!” Spoiled snaps, her nostrils flaring. “Do you realize how much better off we’d be if we could get in favour of the princesses, even if it’s that worthless excuse for one?” “Oh, yeah! Because our lives are so hard at the moment!” I snap back, causing their attention to turn to me as I look Spoiled right in the eye. “Because it’s not like we live in the most expensive building in all of Ponyville. It’s not like we have paid staff who’ll do anything we say. For Celestia’s sake, when grandmother named you Spoiled, she was sure on the money with that! Nothing’s ever good enough for you, is it?!” She just glares back at me. “Be careful of how you speak to me, foal,” she says in a warning tone. I scoff, staring her down. “Oh yeah? Or what? I’ve got the Element Bearers, the Royal Sisters and even the God of freaking Chaos behind me. Just what in Equestria could you honestly threaten me with, Spoiled Bitch? Really, do tell! I’d love to know!” We spend several long minutes glaring, before I glance at Diamond, then back at Spoiled with a snarl. “What Daddy sees in you is beyond even mine and Discord’s understanding. It doesn’t even make sense to us, the two beings of chaos in this entire demension! Come on, Diamond,” I say, turning and hopping off my seat and moving over to my sister. “We’ll, finish dinner in my room, where we won’t have to deal with the heartless beast that calls herself our mother.” “Don’t you even—” Spoiled’s rant is cut off as I teleport myself, Diamond and our meals to my room. I put a hoof on Diamond’s shoulder and she looks at me with tears in her eyes. “No matter what, you’ll always have me, sis.” We both hug, before returning to our meals, which I’ve set on a fine table to make it feel like we’re eating at a fancy restaurant, with the stuffed animals in my room acting as the waiting staff.