War.
There was nothing good about it. Of course, it was unavoidable. And Twilight was, once again, experiencing it first hoof in what was normally the safe confines of her castle. The battle being waged between Spike and Starlight was only getting more aggressive as time went on.
Not even Celestia herself could predict the outcome of this fierce rivalry.
“Ha! Get wrecked, Spike!” Starlight threw a good in the dragon's direction. “You just landed on my space. That'll be seven hundred bits please.”
Spike jumped out of his chair to his feet. “What? No way!”
“Uh, yes way,” Starlight replied. “I own a hotel on that one. So pay up or face the dire consequences of refusal.”
“But you mortgaged that property for half value like two turns ago!” Spike pointed to Twilight, who was sitting in her seat, face buried in her hooves. “Tell her, Twi! She doesn’t own the rights to have a hotel there.”
“Every time…” Twilight muttered to herself. “Here’s my judgement. Yes, Starlight, you did mortgage that property. But, Spike, she paid off the mortgage to get the property back. However, you can’t own a hotel on it because both of you guys got so caught up in this game you skipped my last five turns!”
Twilight’s horn glowed and before they had a chance to react the board went flying off the table and burst into pieces mid-air. “There! That’s my judgement. Giant alicorn attacks and neither of you have insurance against it. Game over!”
Twilight stormed off, muttering words of a very colorful variety under her breath, leaving Spike and Starlight huddled together, cowering in the corner of the castle game room.
“She scares me, sometimes,” Starlight said, limbs rattling.
“Maybe we should ask her what she wants to play next time?” Spike asked, his body shaking in equal measure.
Once they were sure the coast was clear of the wrathful alicorn, the two released their fearful hold of each other, and got up.
“So, another game night down, and there was even less total damage this time,” Spike said, brushing himself off. “I’d say we’ve made excellent progress.”
“Yeah, but I would like it if she didn’t keep destroying our board games,” Starlight replied. “It’s kind of a chore having to go down to Filthy Rich’s shop every other week.”
“I bet he loves the business, though.” Spike let out a sigh and turned to Starlight. “Well, changing the subject, we didn’t have much time to talk since you guys got back last night. How’d the whole political visit thing go in Canterlot?”
“Oh, it was just loads of fun,” Starlight said with a roll of her eyes.
“This sounds like it’s gonna be a good story,” Spike said, taking a seat and pointing Starlight to the one next to him.
“Okay, so here’s how it went down.” Starlight took the seat next to Spike and propped her hooves up on the table. “We get to the Town Hall, right? Amazingly enough, we were actually late. But, mind you, it had nothing to do with me not being ready on time. On our way there, Twilight had to take a bathroom break out of nowhere and demanded we stop at the Pie’s house to do so. So, forty minutes later, she comes back and we get there.”
“Forty minutes? What was she doing?”
“Who knows? I sure didn’t. Anywho, she comes back, we get there and things are going according to plan. But guess what?” Starlight threw her hooves into the air. “Twilight forgot her favorite pen, and, Celestia have mercy, heaven forbid she sign the new agreement with anything but her favorite pen she practiced all week with. So, I had to spend an additional thirty minutes trying to convince her to stop freaking out and just sign the paper. After that whole debacle, we finally made it to Canterlot to present the plan to Celestia, but of course that couldn’t happen. That would be too simple!”
“Go on?”
“Celestia was recovering from some kind of cake-induced stomach ache, so we had to wait around for the better part of three hours for her to get out of the royal bathroom to meet with us and give the final signature on the paperwork.” Starlight shoved her face into her hoof.
“But?” Spike added. “That didn’t go right either?”
“Of course not!” Starlight yelled out. “Celestia was just about to sign it and wham! She blew half digested cake chunks all over the document mid-signature! So, considering it was a formal document, we have to go all the way back to Ponyville, draw up a new one, go back to Canterlot again and have her sign it.”
Spike crossed his arms and shook his head. “That sounds terrible, honestly.”
“But, you know what, Spike?” Starlight asked, bringing her eyes directly in line with his. “Do you know what the worst part of all this was?”
“What’s that? Lack of sleep?”
“That is true, but no, not the worst part. Ask me what the whole contract was actually about, Spike. Just ask.”
“What was the whole contract about, Starlight?”
Starlight chuckled and shook her head. “It proposed a half-bit increase on exported apple products. Half a bit! All that trouble for HALF OF ONE BIT!”
“Seriously?” Spike questioned. “Given the existing profit margins on apple products, according to Twilight, that won’t bring any real revenue in for another few years, at least.”
“You’re telling me,” Starlight said with a loud sigh. “I’ve never felt like I wasted so much of my life.”
“What about all those years leading a mass exile of ponies?”
“Fair point,” Starlight said, giving Spike a nudge. “On that note, how’d things go for you over the past few days? Throw any wild parties?”
“Ha, I wish,” he replied. “It was pretty boring, to be honest. Just, you know, the usual eat, sleep, sleep some more, repeat thing.”
Starlight shook her head. “C’mon, Spike, I’m so disappointed in you. Did you at least have any cute mares over? With Twilight here, you have a limited opportunity for these kinds of things.”
“Once again, that’d be a negative.” Spike shrugged and leaned back. “I don't have the best track record with these kinds of things.”
“Oh, c’mon, it should be easy,” Starlight said. “You’re part of the royal family, you have money obviously, you’re nice enough and, well, you look alright, all things considered.”
“Heh, I guess I have to take that as a compliment,” Spike said with a laugh. “But, I’ll have you know I at least tried. Yesterday, to be exact. You know how I was talking about asking Minuette out the other day?”
“Yeah? Did you actually do it?”
“You better believe I did it!”
“And how did it go?”
“Not well…”
“Hey, Spike!” Minuette said, waving at him from behind the front counter of the the Dentistry Clinic. “Are you here for your monthly fang shining?”
“No, that’s next week,” Spike replied, shuffling in. “Actually, I’m here for a much more… personal reason.”
“Oh?” Minuette fluttered her eyes. “What’s up?”
“Oh, you know, not much, but,” Spike leaned against the counter and shot her the best wink he could, “I’ve got a problem I’m hoping you could help me with.”
She stifled a giggle with her hoof. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”
Spike shrugged. “Well, I have a whole cabinet full of wheat bread and crunchy peanut butter and nobody to share it with. So, girl, think you can help me out here? Obviously, this is a top priority issue.”
Minuette held her smile for a few seconds, a brow slowly arching it’s way onto her forehead. “I’d… love to, Spike, but I don’t get off of work until five tonight, and I already have plans with Lyra and Bonbon. We’re going bowling! I’m not entirely sure how Bon’s going to bowl without magic, but I’m sure she’ll figure it out!” She beamed. “I mean, worst case scenario she’ll push with her muzzle. Hopefully, she won’t chip a tooth, then I’d have to see her. Which isn’t a bad thing, mind you! Just, chipped teeth aren’t fun,” she finished, shaking her head. “But, yeah… I don’t think I’d be able to do anything tonight. I’m sorry.”
Spike blinked a few times. He was losing her and the opportunity was slipping out the window. What was that one pickup line Starlight mentioned the other day?
“Wait, before you completely say no…” Spike cleared his throat and locked eyes with her. “I know you’re really good with teeth, but how are you with tongues?”
“...And now I’m not allowed to go back there.” Spike slouched his head into his palm. “Thanks for that line, by the way. It was a real winner.”
Starlight erupted into a fit of laughter. “You took me seriously? That was just a joke when you told me you thought about asking her out!”
“You couldn’t have told me that before I made an idiot out of myself?”
“Oh, you didn’t need my help to do that,” Starlight said, her laughter slowing down ever so slightly. “But, in all seriousness, Spike, I’m sorry things didn’t work out with her.”
“It’s okay,” Spike muttered. “It happens.”
Starlight nodded. “Well, on a more hopefully positive note, how’d things go at the hospital?”
“That went great,” Spike said. “All the kids love those stories. It’s pretty cool getting a chance to make them smile every week.”
“I imagine,” Starlight added. “They probably don’t have a lot of reasons to smile most of the time.”
“I know right? It’s honestly kind of depressing. But, I’ll tell you what, there was one filly, Dinky is her name, I felt so bad for her.”
“Why?”
“Apparently she wasn’t feeling well so she had to stay in a special area of the hospital under constant watch.” Spike shook his head. “She wasn’t even allowed to play with the rest of the kids. So, I asked the nurse if I could visit her and read her a story. I’ve never seen any creature that was so excited over a book, before.”
“Aww, you’re so sweet,” Starlight chuckled, playfully nudging Spike. “I can only imagine how excited she was, though. Thinking you’re gonna have to miss play time and then the fun comes to you. That’d be pretty special, especially if you’re stuck in a hospital bed all day.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Spike said. “But on the flip side, you know Derpy?”
“The mailmare, right? The goofy one?”
“Yeah, her. Apparently she’s Dinky’s sister and her legal guardian because the parents aren’t in the picture. That’s gotta be rough, not even having family to visit you.”
“What happened to them?” Starlight asked.
“I don’t know. I asked, but Nurse Redheart wasn’t allowed to tell me. Privacy policy and all that. But, either way, it’s not cool. I plan on checking back on her in a day or two to see if she’s doing better. She probably gets kinda lonely.”
“I’m sure she’d love that, Spike,” Starlight replied with a soft smile. “In all seriousness, Spike, you bring quite a bit to the table. Now, if only your pickup game was a bit more on point.”
"Oh, shut up,” Spike said back, trying to stifle his own laugh. “Anyway, I’m probably gonna hit the sack now. I need my beauty sleep.”
Starlight let out a yawn. “Yeah, I’m thinking I’m gonna do the same. Have a good night, Spike. It’s my turn to get the coffee ready in the morning, by the way.”
“Good, don’t let me down, alright? Celestia knows I need it to function in the morning.”
“Don’t worry, I’m in the same boat,” Starlight said. “Anyway, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Spike gave her a quick wave as she left the room. He rose to his feet and parted ways, heading to his own room.
Spike crawled into his room and splayed his body out onto his bed. He was staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the conversation he and Starlight had. She was right. He may not have a way with words, but he did have a lot to offer.
Maybe. Being lazy was still priority number one, and that meant going to bed.