“All-powerful. All-knowing. All-loving.”
—Starswirl the Bearded, On Alicorns
Sweet Caress was the best at her job, and her job was to make children happy.
She’d heard the stories—hard not to—but she felt no fear. Every child raised under her capable wings had grown to make her proud, without exception. This one would be no different. Sweet Caress wasn’t just a nanny, she was a second mother. She loved children, and they loved her back.
And, she felt, this child might need love more than any other one she’d ever met.
She heard the baby giggling before she laid her eyes on her, and the sound was wonderful enough to warm her heart. Behind her, two guards were trembling, clutching their weapons as hard as they could, but Sweet Caress did not care.
Two more steps, and she was by the crib, looking at the child. It was love at first sight. The baby was white, with a face as round as it was innocent, and the most beautiful eyes Sweet Caress had ever seen.
“Hi there, little one,” she said, smiling, and she gently tickled the baby’s tummy.
The kid giggled, and Sweet Caress’ heart warmed even more.
And more.
And more.
And—
“She melted Sweet Caress’ eyes?”
“Right out of her eye sockets, Starswirl,” Commander Hurricane said. “You need to kill that baby.”
Starswirl made an uncomfortable noise.
Princess Platinum’s castle had been built on the side of a mountain. Made of white stone and black wood, it stood proud against the elements and watched over all of Equestria. Starswirl’s study was at the top of the highest tower – it was the easiest way to ensure he could enjoy a little alone time.
That is, unless Commander Hurricane felt the need to burst through his window to gift him with some more horrible news.
“I would like to spend at least one week without being told to commit infanticide, Commander,” Starswirl replied, taking of his glasses and rubbing the space between his eyes. A headache was growing. “It would make for a welcome change. You know she’s like a daughter to me.”
“Sweet Caress was like a mother to me, and her insides were ashes by the time we got to her. We think she died of the shock.” Pause. Squint. “We hope she died from the shock.”
Starswirl looked to the side. “Of course. I’m sorry for your loss. When is the funeral?”
“There won’t be any. She apparently smells like fried chicken, and it made the griffon ambassador hungry.” Hurricane frowned. “That was not a pleasant dinner.”
Starswirl sucked air through his teeth. “Stars and stones,” he said.
“Yeah.” Hurricane sighed, took off his helmet, and put it on the desk between them. That was a rare sight, these days. Hurricane sat down and put a hoof over Starswirl’s shoulder. “We can’t go on like this, Starswirl. It’s dangerous.”
Starswirl nodded. “You’re right. But we can’t kill Celestia. Plus, she’s just a kid, she doesn’t mean to harm us. She just—”
“I know. She’s an infant, there’s no evil in her.” Hurricane shook his head and rested her elbow on the desk. “But she is too powerful, and she can’t control herself at this age. You unicorns can’t hurt children, I understand and respect that, but this goes beyond morals, this is a matter of—”
“No.” Starswirl raised a hoof, and Hurricane’s words died on his lips. “You do not understand, Commander. We can’t kill her.”
Hurricane blinked. Understanding dawned on his face. “Oh,” he said. “Oh, no."
“Yeah.” Starswirl’s horn flashed, and an open book appeared between then, making Hurricane flinch. “Here.” There was no
body of text—just an intricate design. “This is the circle I used to summon her, Commander. Take a look. The words painted red.”
Hurricane looked. “All-powerful,” he read. “All-knowing. Eternal. Immortal. Immortal.” His eyes went back to Starswirl. “Is this…?”
“That’s who Celestia is. She won't die. She can't die.”
Hurricane nodded. “An immortal.”
“An immortal, all-powerful baby, yes.”
“You couldn’t write ‘elder’ in there, too, while you were at it? You know, just so my people don’t put their lives on the line whenever they play peek-a-boo? ”
Starswirl flashed his horn, and the book went away. “We’ll have to wait till she grows older, and learns how to control her magic.”
“I fear that will be too long.” Hurricane closed his eyes in grief. “I agreed to this plan, but every day I regret it more and more. Perhaps a common leader wasn’t worth all this blood.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Is there truly nothing you can do?” Hurricane grabbed Starswirl’s hoof. “Maybe, not kill her, but… Control her?” A pause. An idea. Hope. “Seal her power, perhaps?”
Starswirl frowned. “Her power is also part of her being. Taking it would be like neutering Celestia, stealing part of her mind. The damage it could do… I can’t live with it. Even if she’s dangerous.” His tone was pleading. “She’s just a kid, Commander. A kid.”
And Hurricane sighed. “I know. I know. It’s just… This is not easy.”
“And it won’t be, for a long time.”
The two stallions stood in silence after that, for a while.
“…Commander?”
“Yes?”
“You know, earlier I couldn’t help but realize you implied pegasi are okay with hurting children.”
“We value strength in our education,” Hurricane said. “Pegasi traditionally raise their foals by letting them free in their wilderness. The very first memory I have of my parents is them throwing me at a tiger and asking me to survive in time for dinner.”
“Oh.” Starswirl blinked. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait—is that how you’re raising Celestia whenever she’s with you? You just pick her up, grab the nearest wild animal, and…?”
“No. We tried, mind you. She was unfazed no matter how many animals were there. Hundreds died.”
“Hundreds of animals?”
“I wish.”
Starswirl’s hoofsteps echoed across the halls of Hurricane’s fortress, and even though he was lost in thought, he couldn’t help but notice the smell of blood and melted eyeballs as he approached Celestia’s chambers.
“Halt!” went the guard as his horn flashed and he opened the door. It was a young guard, with the longest spear Starswirl had ever seen. “Sir, I can’t let you in there. Direct orders from Commander Hurricane.”
Starswirl smiled at him. “I’m the closest thing that kid has to a father, soldier.”
“I know, sir. I know who you are.” The guard saluted, but he didn’t lower the spear. “And that is why I can’t let you in there. That monstrosity is dangerous. If you look at her, she can—”
“She can do nothing. I’m a wizard myself, soldier, and quite a good one, too. I’ve got enough wards to last a lifetime.”
The soldier frowned, but let him go.
Celestia recognized him, and waved her little legs at him. Starswirl couldn’t contain a smile. Such an innocent child, he thought, as his horn flashed and the kid floated towards him. Such a little wonder. The most powerful thing that Equestria had ever seen, and yet, nothing but a little—
Celestia did a raspberry.
Chlorf.
Starswirl blinked. The wet noise had come from behind, so—without putting Celestia down—he turned around and looked at the thing by the door.
Red and white all over the place. Bone and organs, still pulsating—there was a rasping sound coming from it, as if it was trying to scream still. It twitched in places. Starswirl recognized the teeth, the lungs, a beating heart, the backside of the eyes.
The guard had been turned inside out, but he was still alive.
A pause.
“Okay. Okay, yep, that’s it. Neutering time.” He looked at Celestia. “I’m gonna neuter you so hard.”
Celestia giggled.
In the distance, Starswirl heard a wet noise, and then somepony screaming.
The baby was placed in the middle of the circle. Only Hurricane had come. Everypony else was too scared.
“Well,” Starswirl said. “I studied this as much as I could, and I think I can make her… manageable.”
Hurricane nodded. “And it won’t hurt her?”
“No, but there's a balance to achieve. If we take part of her power, something else will be gone, too. How do we feel about empathy?”
Hurricane squinted. “I don’t know. I quite like it, on a personal level.”
“Either that, or we keep the murder baby, Commander.”
“You make a hard bargain.”
“Take cover. There’ll be a lot of magic in the air after I’m done. It should dissipate on its own, but there’s a chance it might do something weird.”
Hurricane obeyed, and Starswirl started the ritual.
It was easier than the last time. It required far less blood, and nary a sacrifice—Princess Platinum wasn’t there to cry, either.
The amount of magic Starswirl was able to take from Celestia surpassed a hundred times anything he could ever produce, and afterwards, the baby was still powerful enough to do wonders he could never dream of.
And then it was done.
When the blood dried, Celestia was left on the center of the circle, giggling again. And this time, there was no wet sound.
So Hurricane and Starswirl picked her up, with a sigh of relief, and walked away. “You made the right choice, old friend,” Hurricane said. Celestia had fallen asleep. “I know it was hard, and I know you don’t like it—but we did what we had to do.”
“We might have ruined her life,” Starswirl said, looking at Celestia. “But we saved many in the process. I can live with that.” Then he looked around. “Hmm.”
“What?”
“The magic dissipated sooner than I thought it would. Maybe something absorbed it, or…?”
And then, they heard the most wonderful sound any of them had ever heard. A sound that would echo in their dreams forever.
Celestia was still fall asleep—but in the distance, behind them, they could hear a baby crying.
And it warmed their hearts.
Starswirl’s eyes went wide. “Oh, no. Oh, sweet mercy,” he said, the blood leaving his face. His legs gave up and he fell. “There’s another one.”
“All-powerful. All-knowing. All-loving. Pick two.”
—Starswirl the Bearded, On Alicorns