An opportunity arose to take up a more powerful position by moving the Hidden Gem head office to Manehattan. I can’t recall now why it made sense, all I can remember is that from a business perspective a move to Manehattan would have been the best option financially. I had hoped that Ray would go with me and that finally we could be married in the city where our relationship began. It sounded so romantic, but I had forgotten Ray’s intention to take me to the Emerald Isle for our wedding.
I called him into my office. Since we had merged our two companies, I was able to get in contact with him very easily. I noticed that something wasn’t quite right with him when he came in, but I brushed it off. I should have noticed far earlier. He had been off with me ever since I had started my purge of the company, but I had simply put it down to work related stress. He always seemed busy then.
I remember distinctly our conversation that day. As I got older, my memory did begin to fade, but there are specific events and conversations that have stayed with me even up until now. That conversation is one. I remember being excited about the new and refreshing opportunity in Manehattan, and that I hoped that he would accompany me there. I went over the details, explaining how I had managed to purchase a small cottage on the outskirts of the city and how the commute would be even less than in Canterlot. Ray listened intently, nodding when I came upon a valid point.
When I had finished my speech, I asked him for his thoughts. Was there anything that could be improved? Would he rather stay in Canterlot? I was ready for almost anything that he might say. However, he chose to tell me something that almost killed me.
“Sounds good,” he said, somewhat flippantly. “Everything seems viable and you are right, the scenery in that area is particularly stunning. Only thing is, I think I would rather go with Applebloom.”
I have suffered a lot of heart ache in my long life, but I don’t think anything ever hurt me as much as that one sentence.
“Look at yourself Applebloom!” His face was crimson with rage and pain. He loved and hated me in equal measure and I could see that it was tearing him apart, but with every word he said he shattered another piece of my heart. “Who are you now? What is this thing that you’ve become?” My soul became blacker with every syllable. This man for whom I would go to Hell and back loathed me completely.
“When we first met, you told me that Hidden Gem was your second family.” Ray stopped for a second, seemingly unable to speak. “Well, if this is how you treat your family then I don’t want anything to do with you.” Ray normally kept his emotions pretty well hidden when he was angry. I could always tell when he was upset, but he never usually gave in to his emotions. This time however, Ray completely exploded. He was white hot with rage, saliva flying out of his mouth as he spat each word at me, every syllable loaded with contempt and pain.
“How many ponies lives have you destroyed on your little crusade Applebloom? How many dreams have you crushed in your rush to get to where you are now? You told me that you wanted to wait until you had more security before we got married, and I agreed because I cared about you. I loved you Applebloom!” He took a deep breath. “Do you honestly think I care about the money? As far as I was concerned we could have had less than three bits between us, and I wouldn’t have cared. Because at least we would have had each other. With the two of us together, there was nothing that could harm us.”
He coughed a little, his throat hoarse from the screaming. I was literally terrified to be there. Ray had always been a rock for me, cool and collected when I was in a spin. To see him stood before me shaking with absolute rage was a sight I never thought I would be unlucky enough to see.
“I wouldn’t have cared. You were all that mattered to me. But not anymore. You are not the same pony I fell in love with. MY Applebloom would never even consider doing to her family what you have done to this company. She would never trample others in a rush to climb the corporate ladder.” He couldn’t even look me in the eye any more, and he delivered the rest of the speech to the floor. “You might look like her, you might sound like her and you might even share her name, but you are not Applebloom.”
He slowly made his way over to the door of the office. Placing his hoof on it and beginning to push it open, he turned slightly. His eyes were closed and the silver trails of the tears that rolled down his cheeks glistened in the light. “If she ever decides to come back, then you can come and find me. But until then, I don’t even want to see you. I can’t do this, not anymore and not with you.”
As he walked out he called out to me over his shoulder, not even stopping to turn and face me. “Keep the ring. Maybe one day it will remind you of who you really are. But until then, good afternoon Miss Applebloom.”
He wasn’t yelling anymore. He wasn’t even betraying the slightest hint of emotion. And that was the worst part. The formality of his final words to me cut through what remained of my soul like a dull knife, lacerating every fibre of my being. To him, I was now little more than a business associate. The nights we had shared, the years of our lives that we had spent together, all were gone. And he was gone. The most amazing, wonderful, beautiful and brilliant pony in the world, the only pony that I ever wanted to be with didn’t care about me anymore.
As he walked away from me, his head held up with make-shift pride I called out to him. Everypony in the building turned to look at me, but I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care who saw or heard me and I didn’t care what it did to my reputation. I just knew that I couldn’t let Ray go. Everything I had done, all of my hard work had been for him. For us.
“You used other ponies for your own aims, Applebloom. And if I am your excuse, then all you have done is used me too.” He turned around one last time, both of our bodies jolting from the sobs that we refused to hold back. “When did I EVER give you the impression that this is what I wanted for us? Do you honestly believe that I could love someone as heartless as you?”
I was dumb-struck. I couldn’t physically move a muscle. I was too hurt to move. He turned and ran out of the office leaving behind only the echoes of his hooves thundering away down the hallway and a closed door.
He was really gone.
I cried at first, not moving from that spot. Everypony in the area had to work around me, but I didn’t give a damn. I blocked out the rest of the world and felt my entire universe begin to crash in around me. After a few seconds, I felt every single drop of emotion flow out of me until there was nothing left. I was completely hollow inside. I had nothing left to live for, nothing that I cared about. It feels foolish now, but I honestly believed at that moment that perhaps the only option left to me was to end it all. Without Ray O’Sunshine what did my life matter? Who was there to care about me or miss me? I lived for him! I dreamed of him! I loved him and needed him! And now he was gone.
Thankfully it didn’t take me too long to realise that suicide was not the answer I was looking for. But perhaps, everything would have been better had I simply chosen to die then. At least that way it wouldn’t hurt so much now. But I chose to throw myself vigorously into my work rather than off a building. I stopped doing anything except working eating and sleeping. I did eventually go to Manehattan and Grace did come with me, but the house I had bought would never be a home. Not without Ray. Instead, it became nothing more than a constant reminder of everything that I had given up. Of everything that I had lost.
I stayed in Manehattan for another ten years before my mind completely unravelled. I was never committed or anything as dramatic as that, but it was another decade before I stopped hurting. However, instead of giving me the freedom of having passed out of my mourning period, all it left was the mere shell of what I had once been. I had become a machine, working all day and eating when necessary but losing everything else that would let the rest of the world know that I was still alive. As far as I was concerned, without Ray I didn’t count as a pony. There was nothing about me that wasn’t totally dedicated to him, so I simply began to fade. Even today I still wish that I had actually been able to just fade away, to vanish into thin air and never be seen again. The worst time of my life had come and gone, and now all that remains is a broken, lonely old mare.