After all these years, and all these adventures, I've realized there is a pattern to them. There's the innocuous, inauspicious beginning, where I can usually point to one particular thing that I could've done to avoid the whole fiasco. There's the middle part, which is full of flailing and screaming and mortal terror. And finally, more often than not, things would wrap themselves up as I lay convalescent and unable to escape.
Which is why waking up to a world of pain was hardly a surprise. The familiar sting of antiseptics throbbed from each and every one of my recently acquired wounds, and I was pretty sure I'd lost several key feathers from my left wing. By the look of the ceiling, I was back in the Top farmhouse, where I'd been wrapped in a couple yards of gauze and dumped into a spare bedroom. I groaned, rolled over, and found myself staring at Over the Top's bearded face.
“SENTRY'S ALIVE!” He bellowed, and smacked me on the shoulder hard enough to make me wish I wasn't. “HA HA! I KNEW YOU WERE MADE OF STERNER STUFF, MY BOY! WHAT'S A FEW FLYING BABOONS TO THE LIKES OF FLASH SENTRY, WHAT? HAVE A WHISKEY, FRIEND!”
At that, Over the Top foisted a tumbler of amber liquid on me. I mumbled my thanks, and downed the stuff in one gulp-- only to break into coughing an instant later. As the liquor burned away my esophageal lining, I briefly wondered if it was the same stuff they'd used to dress my wounds.
“GOOD MAN! NOTHING LIKE A BIT OF THE OL' ROTGUT TO REMIND YOU YOU'RE STILL LIVING, WHAT?”
“What?” I gasped, stunned by both the liquor and Over the Top's enthusiasm.
He poured me another drink.
Wiser, I stared at the whiskey, trying to think of an excuse not to drink it-- which is when Carrot Top walked in and coughed, politely.
“That's enough, dad. Sen-- Flash has been through a lot.”
“THAT HE HAS! AND I CAN'T THANK HIM ENOUGH FOR IT! TO THINK, HE SAVED BOTH MY LITTLE GIRLS ... “ Over the Top trailed off, tears welling up in his eyes. “I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH, LAD!”
“I, er, I was just doing what anypony else would have.” I instinctively lapsed into the 'heroic' humility that made me the toast of the town after the Battle of Canterlot.
“THAT'S A DAMNED LIE AND YOU KNOW IT!” Over the Top sniffed again, and wiped at his eyes. “THERE ARE FEW PONIES AS BRAVE AS YOU ARE, MY BOY! DON'T LET ANYPONY TELL YOU OTHERWISE! YOU'RE ONE IN A MILLION, LAD!”
“He won't, Dad.” Carrot Top put a hoof on her father's shoulder. “But for now, do you think I could talk to Flash alone?”
“OF COURSE!” Over the Top wiped away the last of his tears, and went so far as to give Carrot Top a conspiratorial wink. “FAR BE IT FROM ME TO GET IN THE WAY OF YOUNG LOVE, WHAT?” And before either I or Carrot Top could make the appropriate protestations, Over the Top turned on a hoof and trotted out of the room.
I stared after him for a moment, and then looked back at Carrot Top. “So ... “
“Yeah.” Carrot Top slumped into a chair beside the bed, and neatly plucked the whiskey from my hooves. She downed the whole thing without so much as flinching, and then let out a deep sigh. “This was all a mistake.”
“I could've told you that from the beginning.”
“Apologizing is hard enough without your commentary, Sentry.”
“Every time we meet, I get new scars.”
“What're you complaining about? I thought mares liked scars.”
“Do you?” My mouth has always been faster than my brain. No sooner had I said the words, they hung heavy in the air.
Carrot Top's cheeks flushed. “Look, if it's about what happened in the Everfree Forest ... that was just a--”
“-spur of the moment thing.” I added on, helpfully. “Nothing but--”
“-nerves.” Carrot Top nodded, resolute. “Sometimes ponies just do stupid things when they're in danger.”
“And if there's anyone who knows about being stupid in the face of mortal danger, it's me, right?” I forced a little laugh, and Carrot Top did the same.
She poured herself another drink.
“The funny thing is ... you're not as bad as I thought, Sentry.”
“No?”
“It's ... strange. The whole of Canterlot thinks you're a hero. But anypony who spends enough time with you can see just how much of a cad you really are ... but then, sometimes, sometimes-- you go and inexplicably do the right thing, no matter how dangerous it is.” She shook her head, and sipped at her whiskey. “I don't get it.”
“If it's any consolation, neither do I.” I winced a little as I lay back on the pile of pillows. “But I guess that just makes us even. I'm the only one who's met both Carrot Top and Special Agent Golden Harvest. So I guess you get to meet Flash Sentry, Hero of Equestria, side by side with Flash Sentry the stupid fool.”
“Heroes usually are pretty stupid.” Carrot Top mused with a wry (and dare I say lovely) little grin. “Maybe it's the same thing?”
“Hey!” I sputtered.
“Calm down, Sentry. But just as a head's up, you're probably going to come out of this even more popular than before.” Carrot Top rolled her eyes. “Rock Bottom carried you all the way to Hilltop. And once my parents found out about everything you did, and everything he did ... well, the Tops and Bottoms aren't feuding anymore. Theoretically. Muffin might even write Princess Celestia a letter about it. Apparently that's the new thing?”
“Don't look at me. All I did in the palace was stand around and look official.”
Carrot Top shrugged. “Letter or no, everypony's so distracted by Muffin and Rock Bottom that they're not paying attention to ... us. Or at least not as much attention. So we just need to bide our time until we can catch the next train to Canterlot, and in a few months I'll tell my parents we had an amicable breakup. Maybe you just got posted to someplace far away, and a long distance relationship just wasn't working.”
“You'd better not get me assigned to Yakyakistan or something to support your cover story.”
“Say ... “ Carrot Top rubbed her chin with a bemused laugh. “That's not a bad idea. You're thinking like a Special Agent.”
“Only because I've been hanging around you too long.”
My wounds, though numerous, were mostly shallow and superficial. I was back on my hooves before long, just in time to receive a hero's welcome from both the Tops and the Bottoms. I played up my injured condition, affecting a limp. I didn't do this for sympathy, but rather so I wouldn't get pulled into uproarious earth pony dancing (something about a square?). I even did the responsible thing and rationed my booze, so that by the next morning I must have been the only pony in the house (or at least the only of-age pony in the house) without a hangover.
Carrot Top made her goodbyes at the train station-- her father blubbered and bellowed the whole time, loud enough we could barely hear the engine pulling up to the platform. We loaded up our luggage, and Carrot Top even hung out the window of our cabin to wave goodbye to her family.
The train chugged on, heading steadily towards Canterlot. Carrot Top spent most of the trip with her nose buried in a newspaper, while I alternated between watching the scenery go by outside and making eyes at the stewardesses that came by periodically with coffee and snacks. Though to be honest, Carrot Top was better looking than most of said stewardesses-- the poor things must have been a little frazzled and fatigued after a long trip.
Still, the train trip was blissfully uneventful. We pulled into Canterlot Station, and Carrot Top took in a deep breath. “This is it, Sentry. You're free to go.”
“Ah, right.” I fidgeted. “To be honest, this was kind of a pleasant trip. Except for the part where I almost died, but I really should start expecting that sort of thing whenever I'm in your company.”
“Well, lucky for you, I'm sure Fancy Pants will have a new assignment for me once I get back to Canterlot. You might not see me for a long, long time.”
“Ah.” I made myself smile at the prospect, and stretched out a wing and eyed the gaps in the plumage. “At least that'll give me time to grow my feathers back.”
“Last stop, Canterlot!” the conductor called out from the other side of the cabin door.
“So I guess this is goodbye, then.” Carrot Top said, slowly.
“I wouldn't go that far. I mean, we're not even off the train yet.” I fussed with the overhead compartment and started pulling out our luggage. “And ... hell, I don't know about you, but travel makes me thirsty. I don't suppose you've got enough time for a drink before you've got to go save Equestria again? I know a nice little place just around the corner.”
Carrot Top smiled. “Oh, why not?”
We shouldered our saddlebags and disembarked. The familiar bustle of Canterlot crowds swept the both of us into its comforting embrace, and we trotted down the platform--
--at which point we ran into Fancy Pants.
“Flash Sentry! Golden Harvest! What a pleasant surprise!” The monocled unicorn winked conspiratorially, signaling this was hardly a surprise at all. “Just the ponies I've been looking for.” He spoke between blasts of the steam whistle, using the mechanical din of the train station to protect our conversation from any eavesdroppers.
“What is it?” Carrot Top's smile faded, and she lapsed back into her cold, intimidating 'business' voice.
“Oh, just a little spot of bother up in the Crystal Empire. Cultists, I'm told. The sort of thing that may require a ... personal touch, you understand. But don't worry, I won't be sending you alone! You and Sentry here did quite a number on that illegal casino, so I've made arrangements for you two to work together on this Crystal Empire project. Should be small beer, honestly-- but, well, it's all in the line of duty. What do you think, hm?”
“I think--” my mouth suddenly went very, very dry. “I need a drink.”
So ends the second volume of the Flash Sentry Papers. -G.M.F.