//------------------------------// // Paper or Plastic explosives // Story: Life is Fun When You're Crazy // by Comrade Bagel Muffin //------------------------------// They say a cutie mark is the representation of your soul, your very being, the summation of all that you are is magically tattooed on your butt for all to see. So the residents of ponyville knew that they were dealing with one of Celestia's special little snow flakes when Crazy Pyromaniac stepped off of the train into town. His cutie mare was a jolly rogers, only the cross bones had been replaced with two lit sticks of dynamite. Crazy had been run out of every town on the rail line, for his seemingly suisadi- suisy- crazy antics. He never meant nopony no harm and was only trying to help, but he was an idiot, and an idiot's aid can be so much worse than a geniuses offences. Many of the towns had run him out in just a day. Angry mobs with pitchforks and torches. Crazy was suppose to go straight to the town guard and inform them that he was here. That's what the big nice pony with the sun on her butt told him to do. Crazy liked her she was nice. What Crazy didn't like was pitchforks really what kind of food needed a fork that big. Maybe the forks were ancient relics of a long forgotten race of giant ponies. Crazy didn't have an opinion on giant ponies see how he never met any, just one big pony and she was nice, and had the sun on her butt. Crazy continued down the street he was heading to the market. Normally that's were ponies sold things was in the market. Crazy knew that it was very important for him to check to make sure that there wasn't a stand selling pitchforks and torches. He was very surprised how many ponies sold pitchforks and torches. Nearly every town he went to had a stand for pitchforks and torches. and the two ponies that attended the stand always looked the same with apples on their butts and mustaches. They must have had a lot of twins. Birthday's must have been very fun. Crazy like birthdays with cakes and dynamite. Dynamite made birthdays fun, and Crazy had a ton of dynamite, so that meant that Crazy must be a fun pony. Crazy liked fun. As Crazy Pyromaniac walked around the streets of Ponyville's out door market he was shocked at all of the stores that were around town. He walked up to one of the stands at random and browsed their selection. "What's that thing?" Crazy asked the nice looking pony behind the counter. "That my good sir is a miniature of the Canterlot Gardens." "And that?" He pointed to a little town in a glass sphere surrounded by water. "That is a snow globe of Manehattan." "How'd you get it in there." Crazy asked as he lifted up the snow globe carefully he didn't want to hurt the little ponies inside after all. "Magic." The shop owner said with an arched eyebrow. Crazy gently put the snow globe down. "And what's that?" He pointed to something behind the counter. "That is my lunch. Now are you going to buy something or not?" "Do you have nitroglycerine?" "No." "Napalm?" "Absolutely not." "Do you have kerosene." "Yes kerosene both in jars and already in the lamps, that will be four bits to the liter." Crazy dug through his saddle bag for four little gold coins. Which he put on the counter. "Paper or plastic?" "I have plastic." Crazy said as he dug back in his saddle bag. Before pulling out a large wad of high yield plastic explosives. "Here you go." He pulled out the detonator the shop keeper watched dumbfounded. "Just don't push this button." He pushed the little red button to demonstrate to the shop pony. *** There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it." one of the guards called out to his comrades as he got out of his seat and made the way to the front door of the barracks. The knocking became an insistent pounding like somepony was trying to break down the door. "I'm coming I'm coming keep you horseshoes on." "I believe that this is yours." The sot covered shop keeper dropped Crazy to the ground. "Ah Crazy Pyromaniac we've been expecting you." "He blew up half the market. While you three were doing who knows what in here." "Well you know between the returns of ancient horrors that can only be stopped by a young mare and her friends, to horrible calamities that can only be stopped by a young mare and her friends we've learned to just stay out of the way and let Twilight and her friends fix the problems," the guard answered rubbing the back of his head. "If it ain't broke don't fix it you know." The disgruntled shop keeper glared at the white Pegasus guard. "He was nice." Crazy said to the guard as the shop keeper walked away. "Hey did you know that you can use kerosene for lamps. What will they think of next."