//------------------------------// // Free samples of narrator // Story: Chaos: the Age of Spike // by Kaliann25 //------------------------------// Free samples of narrator The sun rose once again over Ponyville filling the heart of Princess Twilight with joy and optimism; and as usual, right before she started making breakfast, somepony knocked at the door followed by Derpy’s trademark song: “Here’s the mail, it never fails. It makes me wag my tail. When it comes I want to wail, MAIL!”           Twilight smiled and opened the door to Derpy, who happily gave her the daily bunch of letters. “For the fourth time Derpy, now that you’re my captain of the Guard you don’t have to deliver mail anymore” smiled Twilight. “But I like to do it” replied Derpy smiling as well. “Besides we don’t have that much to do as a Royal Guard anyway. Or do you have a mission, boss?” “No, I don’t think so. Keep delivering the mail” Derpy made a small nod to her boss and went to deliver the next of the mail while Twilight took the letters to the table to examine them while eating breakfast. Most of them were from ponies wanting some friendship advice, but there were also bills, advertisers and… “Oh! Free sample of detergent, okay… seems nice. And, what now?” FREE SAMPLE OF NARRATOR Twilight examined the envelope, it seemed ‘normal’ so the surprise may be inside. But no, it was only paper. “The purple alicorn thought it was a typological mistake or perhaps a bizarre merchandising strategy; whatever it was, she didn’t really care” said a voice right behind Twilight. The Princess of Friendship turned to see a stallion who was there just… narrating. “It was when our heroine noticed the presence of a mysterious stallion with a calm but captivating voice detailing all her actions. The Princess got closer to him but he didn’t care, and continued with his narration…” (As you guessed, everything happened exactly like the stallion described) and Twilight stood there looking at him, waving a hoof to his face, but nothing… “Nothing seemed to disturb the narration. Our heroine started to feel annoyed by the situation…” “Excuse me! Could you please stop and tell me what do you want?!”  “…Our heroine asked, not used to be ignored like this. What was wrong with this strange character? That was the question in our heroine’s mind, because this was far too irritating and the most he narrated the less patience our heroine still had…” Twilight’s eye twitched. “Exactly. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I KICK YOU OUT!” “…She shouted, but it didn’t bothered the stallion’s narration…” That settled it, Twilight shot a powerful magic beam to incapacitate the stranger and then kick him out of her home, but as soon the magic touched him, he simply disappeared. Twilight sighed relieved and sat to have breakfast in peace… “…When she spotted the narrator again, who continued as our heroine had never attacked him. This was weird and irritating, mostly irritating; and the protagonist of this story shouted in anger and threw an entire bookshelf to the narrator, who disappeared again…” Twilight waited. “…And reappeared right behind her as nothing happened to him. Twilight grinded her teeth and jumped to attack the narrator, the annoyance took the best of her and the non-stopping narration was getting worse” (As you guessed, everything happened exactly as the mysterious character said, but again when Twilight was about to touch him, he disappeared and reappeared right behind her… “…Narrating, always narrating much for Twilight’s desperation. The anger slowly went away letting pass the fear, who was this character? What did he wanted? So Twilight Sparkle decided to teleport away to meditate more about the current situation…” (Again, everything happened as the narration described and Twilight appeared in the park of Ponyville) “…Only to discover that this mysteriously annoying character known as the narrator was already there…”       “SHUT UP ALREADY!” Shouted Twilight covering her ears. “…But this didn’t helped her, at this point trying to ignore the narrator was nearly impossible…” Twilight shook her head and tried to run away, but she crashed with another pony who was also running. “Ouch, that hurt!” “…Said Caramel, our hero, when he ran into the Princess of Friendship herself” said another narrator like the one chasing Twilight. “Caramel, you too?” Asked Twilight. “At first Caramel didn’t get her Highness question, but then he saw another of those annoying narrators right behind her; so he just nodded slowly…” “He has been bothering me since I opened the damn envelope” “Me too!” Said Twilight. “Caramel couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Precisely he was running to ask the Princess for help and there she was, right in front of him…” “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Screamed Caramel trying to punch the narrator, but he vanished and appeared right behind him. Then he turned to Twilight with a desperate look on his eyes. “Princess please, can you tell the Lord of Chaos that if it’s true half of Equestria loves his pranks, THE OTHER HALF IS TIRED AND WANT HIS HEAD!!” “The Princess of Friendship stood there processing what Caramel just said. The Lord of Chaos, of course! This narrator thing had to be one of his pranks, everything something as annoying as this happened it was clearly Spike’s fault. Spike, it was always Spike; but it was too early in the morning to properly process what was going on, and without her morning coffee our heroine was using only half of her brain…” “You’re right, I’m going destroy you with a Harmony Grenade and then going to kill Spike!” “The narrator didn’t care, on first hoof he was just a creation of chaos and all he cared about was the telling of the Princess’ adventures; and in second hoof, it won’t be that easy to get rid of him…” Twilight face-hoofed. “Great, an especial one. Of course it is!” “Just hurry up and shut this morons already…” “Begged Caramel with a desperate tone. The narration won’t allow him to concentrate at job and…” “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” As for Spike, he was at the Chaos Headquarters preparing his breakfast hidden from everypony; afraid of what they would think if they saw what he was doing: eggs with bacon (no hay-bacon, bacon-bacon) and sausages. It smelled delicious, much for Spike’s shame. Since Sonata gave him that thing called taco, he could only think about meat: beef, pork, poultry, everything was fine as long as it was meat.  He needed it. First time he appeared in Reptilia in that restaurant in Draguentina, the owner Pirotecnia just smiled to him and assured he had nothing to be ashamed of. After all he was a dragon and ninety percent of their diet was meat. Spike didn’t said anything, but he had to admit the ‘arrachera’ he just had was the best thing he ever tried. From that day Spike became a daily costumer of Pirotecnia’s restaurant, becoming very good friend with the dragoness. She even joined him to a quick trip to the supermarket so Spike could purchase something to make at home, it seemed like a good idea at first, but now Spike was too ashamed of himself to properly enjoy his meals.  “Stupid Sonata, why on Equestria meat have to be this delicious?” He complained to himself. And suddenly, Spike froze as he heard the door open. “Spike, are you here?!” Called Rumble when he got in. “What’s up, eating at the headquarters? Let me guess: you also have to escape when your sister opened the envelope.” Spike quickly turned to his friend and smiled trying to dissimulate. “Yeah, something like that. So, what happened with Thunder?” Rumble giggled. “If it wasn’t for Scoots, he would killed me.” Scootaloo entered to the clubhouse as well with a huge smile. “Your welcome. Poor Thunder, I don’ know who is he more angry with; me because of the bubblegum I threw him to help Rumble escape, Rumble or the narrator” “I love this job!” Smiled Rumble. Spike smiled to his friends and took his breakfast outside. “It seems it’s working already. Good, now if you excuse me, I’ll eat before continue with this, you can’t create chaos with an empty stomach.” The other two nodded and chatted happily waiting for the next move when suddenly Rumble smelled something weird. “Rumble?” Asked Scoots. “What is that smell? It’s quite familiar.” The filly sniffed the air. “Oh, reminds me that time we were at that restaurant in Draguentina and…” The two of them froze in horror and turned to their friend who was halfway to the balcony with a plate of eggs with something suspicious and the sausages. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU COOKING HERE?” “Dude, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?” Spike grinded his teeth. “Don’t look at me please! I know this is awful but still…” The two agents of chaos better ran to the bathrooms Spike installed to puke while Spike sighed and opened the windows with his magic. “Sorry…” he said when his friends returned. “It’s cool, I guess you’re a dragon and need that… urgh, please at least try to open a window. I can’t stand the smell knowing what it is” said Scootaloo shivering. “I need a glass of water” “Me too” said Rumble joining her. “Nothing against you Spike, but that was a little bit too much.” “I know” sighed Spike lowering his head. “I’m so sorry.” Scootaloo shook her head. “Don’t worry. Let’s just never talk about this again, okay?” “Agreed!” Said Spike and Rumble at the unison. “In the meantime, why don’t we go play outside? Wanna join me for a swim, Rumble?” “Sure, shall we call the others?” Scootaloo blushed slightly. “Nah, let’s go just the two of us. It’ll be funnier” Rumble tilted his head. “Huh? Why? I mean, sure, but why?” Scootaloo face-hoofed but still she looked at Spike with an apologetic smile. “You don’t mind, right Spike?” The dragon shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess I’ll just stay and clean this mess. See you guys!” “Bye Spike!” “See you soon!” And the two ran to the pond to have some pond. Spike just stood there and sighed, that wasn’t as bas as he imagined but still he had to be more careful in the future. “Anyway, I wonder how the prank is going” Not so well, at least for the victims: “The fearsome mastermind behind terrorist organization Salvation showed a recognizable emotion in her usual stoic face for the first time in her life. The anger and bloodthirst was visible for anypony, not only the Pie family. She really wanted to kill this narrator and stop this already, but none of the weapons of her arsenal seemed capable to destroy this nuisance.” The spot where the narrator was exploded in a thousand pieces, but nothing happened… “…The narrator continued and continued…” “Shut up already.” “Unbelievably enough Maud’s tone was still the same.” Maud’s eye twitched in irritation, becoming more noticeable as the narration continued. Salvation’s current headquarters were full of craters and holes. “Finally Maud Pie had an idea that would bring her peace for a few hours. She walked to an explosive trap she placed a week ago and detonated it. She was tough, the explosion didn’t harm her that much, but left her temporary deaf.” “I can’t hear you. Thanks to Pudding Head!” “Yeah, Pudding Head, as a racist she would never say ‘thanks to Celestia’. But leaving that aside, this prank was the final push Maud needed to make the decision she was considering the last months. She would accept the job offer from the Other One.” But Maud was an especial case, most of the ponies didn’t had the resources or the resistance to deafen themselves as she did and had no choice but stand the non-stopping narration. “…And following his brother’s Flam, Flim stood there doing nothing hoping that the narrator would shut up if he had nothing to narrate. And waited, but the narrator kept narrating. He waited a bit more but the narrator didn’t mind and narrated how he tried to do nothing. Flim waited a little more…” “DAMN YOU, CAN YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH ALREADY?!” Flam wasn’t doing any better, considering the screams that came from his room. “I FUCKING HATE MAIL!” One of the few who took advantage of the situation was Blue Bood, but like Maud he was an especial case: “Our hero headed to the kitchen cautiously, showing off his skills of secret agent to move between his kitchen items with mastery in case there was an enemy waiting for him, but didn’t find anything. Then he said:” “Is quiet, too quiet!” “A buzz alerted the master of all spies, so he made a triple backflip to elude the imminent attack while he shot several magic beams from his horn. The enemy, a bee who got into the house by accident, was reached by Blue Blood’s attack and flew away from him.” “Ha-ha! Really thought you could outsmart me just because you’re small?” “…Laughed our hero, that’s why he was the first of his class back when he was at the academy. Oh yeah, Blue was a fighting and catching-terrorist machine; the best of his job, a pony who was outsmarted only once by Maud Pie but since that day he waited for the rematch.” “You’re right mister narrator. I have to thank Spike, I haven’t feel that stimulated in a while!” In Sweet Apple Acres, Apple Bloom had to use her form of chaos to escape Applejack’s and Big Mac’s rage. She quickly left Big Mac behind, but Applejack was twice as agile and was about to catch her. “GET BACK HERE AT THIS INSTANT AND SHUT THIS BUCKING STALLION ALREADY!” “Applejack shouted furiously trying to catch the youngest of the Apple family, but the apples of chaos were working already and several came-to-life-trees began to attack her allowing Apple Bloom to escape.” “YA’ WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS APPLE BLOOM! A’LL GET YA’!” “Doesn’t she have any sense of humor?” Giggled Shadow relieved. A tree grabbed her by the wrist and threw her to the center of Ponyville in case Applejack could overpower her other trees; and seeing how angry she was, that was a high possibility. Once she was hidden in an alley, Shadow activated her camouflage powers transforming into a blue filly with blue mane and an orange Cutie Mark because what the hell no. “And how are the others doing?” Apparently not so well since everypony were covering their ears and trying to escape the narrators who just popped out of almost everywhere narrating and narrating. Some solutions were somehow creative, for example Carrot Top put carrots in her hears mumbling against Derpy who was the one who delivered the letter with the narrator. “As A’ warned the others, this prank was our most annoying creation” sighed Apple Bloom, bumping into Doctor Hooves. “Oh, hi little one!” Said the Doctor. “Sorry but I didn’t saw you, but I’m in the middle of a scientific revelation!” “Revelation?” Asked the disguised Apple Bloom. “Of course, I haven’t had the opportunity to hear my thoughts out loud, but because of this cheerful character behind me, today I finally did it!” “Said the Doctor looking at his narrator who continued saying out loud his ideas: for example, what about a machine that replicates the narrators when they vanished after the Bearers of Harmony fixed the situation.” “IF YOU FUCKING DARE I KILL YOU!” “Warned Bulk Biceps, trying to escape from his own narrator who followed our muscular hero everywhere detailing all his actions even when he was inactive.” Apple Bloom had to use all her willpower to not to laugh right there and blow up her cover. But then she spotted Diamond Tiara, oh this was going to be a blast. “…But no matter how many coins the spoiled brat known as Diamond Tiara threw to her narrator, that didn’t stop the narration about her life full of selfish and bad whims that showed the worst side of the pony-kind” “WHY DON’T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!” Shrieked Diamond Tiara. Apple Bloom had to bit her tongue, this was too much funny. She didn’t know who programmed Diamond’s narrator but whoever it was, it did a hell of a job. But then Diamond noticed Apple Bloom’s. “For our awfully bratty heroine, there was something wrong with the unknown filly staring at her. But what was it? Then she noticed! I am as surprised as you but our protagonist is not a total idiot. Why did that girl didn’t had a narrator?” “EY, THAT GIRL HAS NO NARRATOR, DON’T YOU SEE? SHE’S AN AGENT OF CHAOS!” Apple Bloom gulped. “She’s smarter than I thought” And escaped from the angry mass of ponies: “WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?” “GET RID OF THIS IDIOT BEFORE I HURT SOMEPONY!” “THERE SHE IS, GO GET HER!” Even with her increased agility, it was very difficult for Apple Bloom to escape, pegasi were trying to tackle her from the air, earth ponies from the ground and the unicorns were shooting her magic beams from multiple angles; but at the end she could enter to certain house breaking through the window. “Ey, watch it!” Protested Sweetie Belle to her friend. “Sorry Sweetie but Diamond Tiara is smarter than we thought and A’ had to run” apologized Shadow Bloom. “Who programmed her narrator?” “I, Button asked me to avenge him because of Diamond’s teasing about enchanted board games so I did it” “Fair enough. Why Rarity haven’t kill ya’ yet?” The older unicorn entered to the room. “Because I used one of the anti-prank tickets you gave me” explained the elegant mare. “I have a lot to do and can’t be constantly distracted by somepony narrating all my actions” “A’ see” said Apple Bloom going back to normal. “Mind if A’ stay here for a while?” “Of course not dear, but please pay me the window” “No problem!” Now back to Twilight: she was busy thinking in what was Spike’s method to stop the narrators, when Rainbow Dash almost crashes with her. “Rainbow, be careful!” “Protested the Princess of Friendship.” “Sorry Twi but this guy is driving me crazy! I can’t concentrate properly and the only thing that partially shuts him up is the zooming you hear at high speeds. BUT I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!” “Cried the brave pegasi to her beloved friend Twilight, however the Princess she asked for her couldn’t help her because…” “…She had no idea and couldn’t concentrate neither because the narration was on, and on…” “They just doesn’t shut up!” Sighed Twilight. “Applejack was furious too, and Big Mac; you know he’s usually quiet but today he was cursing with that tremendous voice of his” “Both mares groaned in annoyance walking away from the narrators, who started to follow them through Ponyville where everypony was already sick of this stupidity. The only idea they could think about was get together their friends and their first stop was Sugar Cube Corner.” “I wonder how Pinkie is doing” mumbled Rainbow Dash thoughtful. “They found the entire cake family outside covering their ears with dough, but surprisingly enough they seemed somehow relieved.” “The cakes noticed the girls and smiled to them.” Said the Cake family narrator. “Ey, have you seen Pinkie Pie?” “Asked Twilight doing her best to ignore the multiple narrations at the time.” The Cakes just exchanged a look and pointed to their home. “Enter at your own risk.” “Warned Mr. Cake.” “Yeah, she always manages to surprise us.” “Assured Miss Cake.” Twilight and Rainbow exchanged a look and got inside the bakery not knowing what to expect. “Pinkie Pie?” Asked Twilight worriedly. And they found Pinkie, but like her sister and Blue Blood, she was an especial case: she wasn’t bothered at all, in fact she was having a very good time. “…The narrator narrated that Pinkie narrated that…” “…The narrator narrated that Pinkie narrated that…” “…The narrator narrated that Pinkie narrated that…” “…The narrator narrated that Pinkie narrated that…” “…The narrator narrated that Pinkie narrated that…” “…The narrator narrated that Pinkie narrated that…” Etc. “Rainbow Dash and Twilight exchanged a confused look but preferred not to say anything about it, it was just Pinkie being Pinkie.” “And then it was when Pinkie noticed them.” “Oh, hi girls! Having fun with your free sample of narrator too! That’s great, because this guy gave me the time of my life narrating how I narrated how he narrated my life and…” “Pinkie please, we don’t have time for this. We need to stop this prank now, this is driving everypony crazy!” “Said Twilight Sparkle.” “Okay, it was funny while it lasted.” “…Said Pinkie Pie taking the envelope where her narrator came in and threw it to the trash can.” And immediately Pinkie’s narrator vanished. “WHAT?” “Asked Rainbow and Twilight at the unison.” “Pinkie, HOW DID YOU KNOW?!” “I didn’t, is just important to put the garbage on its place.” Explained Pinkie Pie with a smile. “Rainbow and Twilight exchanged a look.” “Okay, I’m going home and properly dispose of the envelope” “I just hope this works, I can’t take this anymore!” Twilight teleported away while Rainbow flew at full speed back to her home, hoping that the nightmare would be over soon. By her way Pinkie Pie bounced happily to the Cake family. “Pinkie Pie!” “Exclaimed Mr. Cake.” “HOW DID YOU GET RID OF THE NARRATOR?” “It’s simple! You just have to throw the envelope where he came from to the trash can!” “There was no time to lose, the entire family ran back to the house to take the envelopes and after they threw it to the trash can…” The narrators vanished, finally they had peace! No more irritating narration, just peace and silence! “From the clouds, Thunder Lane noticed how the Cakes got rid of the nuisance and…” Thunder’s narrator disappeared as soon as he threw the envelope as well, and breathed relieved. “Finally, FINALLY!” One by one the inhabitants of Ponyville got rid of the narrating nuisance. They were free, FREE! “This one was awful!” Complained Caramel. “Well, you never liked Spike’s pranks, right?” Asked Roseluck. “No, but this one was beyond annoying. He crossed the fucking line.” “At least is all over.” Said Bon-Bon. “But shouldn’t we spread the news in the nearby cities?” Asked Lyra. “Let’s just enjoy the peace for a little more, then we can go to wherever you want.” Said Octavia sighing. At this point Spike was aware that his prank have been defeated, but he didn’t care. He was too busy cleaning the Headquarters to get rid of the scent of meat. It was when his marefriend crossed the door. “Hi Spike!” Greeted Sweetie Belle getting in. “Eating at the clubhouse?” Spike sighed. “So they told you.” “Yeah, I bumped into Rumble and Scoots at the lake. I think they were having a date.” “What?” Asked Spike raising an eyebrow. But then he remembered what Scootaloo said before she left and couldn’t help but smile. “Well, I think Scoots is having a date, but the good old Rumble is too dense.” Sweetie shrugged. “Who knows!” They both stood there in silence when Sweetie turned to Spike. “So meat, huh?” Spike sighed. “I’m sorry Sweetie Belle. Since Sonata gave me that tacos I’ve been eating meat. Sorry I didn’t tell you but… I thought you’ll find it gross.” “It is gross Spike, for ponies.” Said Sweetie with a warm smile. “But you are a dragon, and I guess you have different kind of needs.” “Apparently.” Said Spike. “According with Pina, at certain age young dragons develop a compulsive appetite for meat and what Sonata did only awoke what was already there.” Sweetie Belle frowned. “Who the hell is Pina?” Spike gulped. “The owner of the restaurant I’ve been going since the incident. No one important, I swear!” “Okay, I trust you.” The two kids hugged. “Ey, is just me or you’re taller?” Asked Sweetie Belle at the end.